This Feeling of Pure Freedom
by NewBornBaby
Summary: Muse Fanfic. "He'd been so wild, mysterious and moody. So disconcerting in a way. And now that he was opening a bit, there was so much more to him than just a rebel mind and gorgeous looks. He was creative, sensible, spirited, compulsive, unpredictable, intense...exciting." - Basically a Matt Bellamy love story, a bit of drama on the edges. Rated M for language and one adult scene.
1. New Dawn

Hi to any Muser out there!

I'm currently reading over the story and rewriting the first part. Well, rewriting is a big word, I'm not actually changing the plot, I'm just touching up the chapters, adding a bit of depth to the descriptions and dialogs. So just don't be surprised if you're not reading the story for the first time and you find some things are new ;)

I'll warn you on my profile page everytime I 'update' a chapter.

And let me remind you that English isn't my first language. So I already apologize for all the grammar and spelling mistakes that are bound to be there, somewhere. But truly I love that language and since Muse is from England I couldn't think of a better one to use!

About the M rating...if you've come here in hope of finding a story were the characters shag in every corner/position/chapter, I suggest you move on and go into a bookshop to buy 'Fifty Shades of Grey' or an equivalent (actually there's a book called 'On Dublin Street' by Samantha Young which is a _million_ times better than Fifity). Because you won't find that in here. There _are_ some graphic descriptions, but they are rare, more like the cherry on the cake than anything else ;)

As always, reviews are very much appreciated, even if you're reading this a long time after it's been posted. I'm still around to read them, and they always make my day :)

* * *

**PART I: SHOWBIZ**

**IT'S A NEW DAWN, IT'S A NEW DAY, IT'S A NEW LIFE.**

I felt a slight pinch in my heart when I cast a last glance at my soon-to-be old room. It was bare now. I had taken off all the posters and the furniture was already in the rental truck. In the dusty rays of sunlight, the emptiness was making the room seem bigger, different. I stood there for a moment, with my hand wrapped around the door knob, unwilling to turn away. I'd loved this room. I had very good memories linked to it, most of them including moments spent with my boyfriend, Jack. He was the only person with whom I'd truly bonded in this town. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, memorizing the smell; this citrus smell of wood polish that had already been in the air two years earlier, when we'd moved in.

And now we were moving out again.

My mother's voice suddenly echoed up the stairs behind me, rousing me from my reverie. "Jade! Come on, everything's set up. We're waiting for you!"

I sighed and eventually closed the door, trying not to think about the fact that a week from now, someone else would be sleeping in here. I lifted my bag up to my shoulder and quickly went downstairs, suddenly eager to leave the house. I'd never been very good at goodbyes, even with houses and bedrooms. You'd think I would have gotten used to it by now, but no. It still hurt.

At the foot of the stairs, my twin brother gave me a sympathetic look. A yeah-I-feel-nostalgic-too sort of look. But it wasn't the same thing. He wasn't leaving much behind, contrary to me.

Outside my father was waiting in the car, but I strolled through the garden while my mother locked the front door. We would stay trapped in the car for hours once we would hit the road, so I tried to enjoy the fresh air and the golden sunshine of early morning as much as possible.

Yet before I knew it we were all in the car and the house was already fading away in the distance.

"Oh come on guys, cheer up a bit!" my mother exclaimed, twisting in her seat to look at my brother and me. "Camburg is a nice town too!"

I grumbled under my breath that I didn't give a damn about Carmburg, nice town or not.

"Yeah sure, it's just that we don't know anyone there...for a change," Alexander- my brother- pointed out.

"But you'll get a chance to make new friends, I'm sure you'll be okay. And...well, you have each other," my Mum added before turning around again because my Dad needed his co-pilot.

In spite of her good mood, I wasn't really ready to look on the bright side right there. Because in my opinion, there just _were_ no bright side. "Great," I mumbled, making Alex chuckle.

And then we were all quiet for a while, everyone focused on their own thoughts.

I had to admit my mother was right about something, we had each other. Even if there were times when we would bite each other's head off, Alex was my best friend in addition of being my twin and only sibbling. I truly thanked the heavens that we got along well most of the time, because when you moved a lot like we did, you needed to be able to rely on family. And contrary to what people tended to think, being twins didn't necessarily imply perfect fusion.

We'd moved three times in the past five years and it was really beginning to bother me. My father worked for a pharmaceutical company and when he finished a 'mission' somewhere he was given another one. It paid very well and my dad loved his job- not to mention that he was probably one of the few _honest_ pharmaceutical sale representative on Earth- but it was hard to leave friends, house and school behind each time. But this time it was different. This time it was even worse. Because I was leaving Jack as well.

Well, not strictly speaking because we firmly intended to stay together in spite of the distance. But still... I had promised him that I would call him every day, that I would send him text messages regularly, that we would still see each other very often. I would just take the train, that was all. But even so, when I had announced that I was leaving... He'd looked so crushed and sad. He had tried to hide his emotions, but I knew him well.

It hurt to think about him right now, so I groped for my phone in my bag in order to send him a text, the first of a long series probably.

*Damn this seat is SO uncomfortable and Alex is snoring in my left ear right now!*

My phone vibrated after a few seconds.

*Well...just wake him up*

*What? To hear him rattle on for the rest of the trip? No way*

*^^ Then put on an earplug baby! When do you arrive?*

"Mum when will we be there?" I asked.

"Oh, here we go... Are you gonna ask this every five minutes now?" my dad wondered, teasing me.

"No... Only if you want me to be annoying. I can do that. But it's just Jack asking."

"In 3 hours or so darling," my mother informed me.

I quickly typed my reply on my phone's keyboard. *Around noon I guess*

*Alright then. You call me tonight?*

*Promise. I love you*

Ugh, I hated writing this in a text message. I was a sucker for real-life 'I love you's.

*I love you too*

I stared at the words on my phone's screen for a good minute. I would have to get used to this. I sighed for the hundredth time of the morning and put my phone in the door's storage compartment. Then I tried to lean as far away as I possibly could from my brother in the small space of the car. I laid my forehead against the window and let my mind drift until I fell asleep myself.

* * *

A/N: I don't think 'Camburg' is a city that actually exists... I just didn't feel like talking about a town where I've never set foot in like Teignmouth, so I just invented a name.

title: Feeling Good

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	2. A Starlight In The Gloom

**A STARLIGHT IN THE GLOOM**

Everything around me was dark. Extremely dark. But still, I could see alright, which was weird. It seemed like some hidden moon overhead was illuminating my surroundings, but only in an eerie, ghostly kind of way. Crickets were chirping and I could feel soft grass forming a thick carpet beneath my feet. Was I bare footed? I glanced down my body. Holy crap, I was entirely naked!

'_Okay, I'm dreaming._'

But the sensations felt so...authentic. Even in this surreal decor. I could feel each long blade of grass against the soles of my feet, and the insects' chorus sounded so clear, so real...

I wandered over the obscure landscape of my imagination for some time. For minutes? Hours? It was hard to say, like it always was in dreams. But I eventually felt a pang of disappointment when I had to accept that my subconscious seemed to have nothing particularly interesting in store for me. Just this endless sea of undulating grass, stretching and disappearing into the darkness.

It was when I stopped venturing forwards, when I decided that any further exploration would be pointless, that I heard it. This quiet but sharp twig snapping noise behind me.

I whirled around. Partly out of fear, and partly out of curiosity.

At first I saw nothing but the same thick blackness than before. And then I noticed it. Just a flash in the inky night, a furtive light, not so far away from me. I held my breath, not wanting to scare away whatever it was that was hidding out there, and I silently encouraged it to come closer. The light- or _ligths_ in fact- appeared again. Two bright blue circles, glowing brilliantly in the night.

Something stirred in the darkness and the blue lights moved. Towards me. In real life, I probably would have been scared out of my wits, but right there I wasn't. In this imaginary world I felt lonely, and so I was welcoming this unknown presence, even when I didn't know yet what is was.

A muscular, four-legged shape shape came into sight. It was covered with the darkest fur I'd ever seen, absolutely pitch black and barely visible because of the dark background. The lights were eyes, two amazingly beautiful blue gems belonging to a huge wolf. They were staring directly into my eyes, unblinking, and I slowly came down on my knees in front the animal, fascinated.

Now, boys and girls, don't do this at home. When you find yourself in front of a predator like this, you do _not_ want to kneel. Unless you have a dying wish or you do not care about being eaten alive. But this fantasy of mine wasn't preying on me, it wasn't threatening. I could see in the shape of its body how beastially powerful it was, but there it stayed, its strong paws firmly planted in the grass, just gazing at me steadily.

I lost myself into these eyes, memorizing every little shade of blue. I was about to reach out my hand towards the wolf, in order to try and initiate contact, when I suddenly heard something- or someone- faintly call my name.

"Jade."

"Didn't you say something?" I heard myself whisper. I felt utterly stupid, no matter how gorgeous that wolf was, I seriously doubted that it could actually talk. Yet in dreams everything was possible.

The light in its eyes flickered. "Jade."

"What?"

"JADE!"

My eyes snapped open, only to stare at Alex's familiar face which was hovering just a few inches from mine.

"Ah, finally!" he exclaimed. "You've got some heavy sleep, girl!"

"Move. You have a stinking breath!" I answered, miffed. That dream had been interesting, and the memories of the images which had been so sharply defined in my head just a few seconds earlier were already starting to fade and become blurry.

"Charming. Well, we're here. So come and help us 'cause I won't carry your stuff inside!" my brother said before slamming the door behind him.

Ignoring his display of annoyance, I stretched my sore limbs, arching my back against the cream-coloured leather of the car seat, and yawned a few times before casting a curious glance outside. The light was warm, indicating that the afternoon was well advanced.

My mother had already showed us pictures of the house, but now that I was able to look at it with my own eyes, I realised just how big it was. Clearly bigger than the last one we'd just left behind. Still, the house looked cute somehow, large, but cute. The white wood siding contrasted nicely with the dark grey roof and the blue-grey shutters. The porch was generous, welcoming, and centered on a single front entrance door topped with transom windows. In short the house looked spacious and comfortable, and it didn't lack character.

I stepped out of the car and shivered a little, the breeze being cooler here than in my previous town. I sniffed the salty air... I could tell we were near the sea, even If I couldn't hear the waves at all. Too bad, I loved that sound. The lawn in the front yard needed some mowing but it was clean and there were some flowers here and there. Yet it was nothing compared to the mass plantings of flowering plants in our left neighbours' front yard. This lush garden was quite eye-catching.

"So? What do you think? It's beautiful, isn't it?"

My mother's enthusiastic exclamation brought a smile on my face, and I looked away from the neighbours' house and back at mine.

"Yeah, it looks great," I answered, taking the travel bag Alex had been impatiently handing me. "It's bigger than I imagined," I added.

"Wait until you see the size of your room, you won't regret it! And the garden at the back is lovely..."

My mother and I continued to make small talk about the new house as we (lazily) helped my dad, my twin, and the removal men to take all our furniture inside. I became pretty demanding and fussy when it came down to my piano. Well, it wasn't really mine since it had belong to my mother for years, but I was the one playing it now. The hight-pitched shriek I made when the piano almost hit the doorframe won me a few annoyed looks from the sturdy men. And then it was finally safe in a corner of the living-room. I ran my hand on the black glossy wood, enjoying it's smoothness.

"Wow!" I suddenly heard my brother exclaim from the first floor. "Jade, you really need to come see this!"

I rolled my eyes a bit, because Alex- just like our mother- had a tendency to act excited about the slightest thing. But I rushed upstairs nevertheless, the nap I'd taken in the car had left me groggy and I wanted my body to wake up fully. And I have to admit that when I reached my twin's side, I was as pleasantly shocked as he had been just a moment before.

Our rooms were both _huge_. At least three times the size of the old ones. And mine was the biggest, or so I decided.

I looked out the closest window, and realised that it overlooked the back garden, which was just as lovely as my mother had said it would be. I especially liked the swing bench in the back and the little pond covered with freshwater plants next to it. Another window was opening on the front lawn and the road, and a third one was overlooking our neighbours' back garden but fortunately a massive tree was blocking the view.

My eyes roamed over the wide, empty hardwood floor of the beautiful room that was now mine, and it was my turn to hop around giggling like a three-year-old. I guess it just ran in the family.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

Unpacking was the last and always hardest step of moving. The previous time I'd had to move in a new house, I'd let boxes sit in my room for what had been supposed to be a few days, but which had ended up being weeks. And I'd sworn to myself that I would never let this happen again.

And so later that afternoon, I finally sat on my bed, exhausted but pleased with myself, and I appreciated the work I'd done. I had my posters pinned all over the place, my desk was against a wall, my computer occupying the place of honour on it, my books were lined up neatly- though probably not for long- on the shelves, and my new workplace was set up just the way I liked it. My clothes were in the wardrobe and drawers... I almost felt already at home.

Rage Against The Machine's 'Wake up' was playing in my brother's room on the other side of the house. He was quite into that band currently. I liked it too although I prefered Depeche Mode or Radiohead. Or U2, Queen, or even Madonna and Mozart. I had quite eclectic tastes in music in fact, from rock and metal to pop, electronic, and jazz. But for the time being the one band that was standing out according to me was Depeche Mode. And I was pretty sure my brother said that RATM was his favorite band only because he didn't want people to think that he had the exact same tastes than me.

"But I know he likes Depeche Mode more," I said to my 'Music For The Masses' poster in front of me.

All of a sudden a gust of wind slammed my room's door shut, startling me out of my senses since I hadn't been expecting it at all. Ears ringing and heart pouding, I caught myself staring at the painting hanging there, just beside the door. My father had helped me hook it on the wall only an hour before that. It portrayed a howling wolf with a giant round moon in the background. My mother had painted that for me a long time ago.

The wolf of my dream- which I'd all but forgotten at this point- suddenly sprung to the front of my mind. I caught myself daydreaming about these amazing blue eyes... And now that I was thinking about them again, those eyes had been extremely strange. They had actually looked more like human eyes than beast eyes. Except that no human could have eyes that were_ that_ blue.

I was completly lost in thoughts and so I jumped again when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I quietly laughed at myself for being so jolty. A glance at my screen phone informed me that it was Jack calling.

"Hey baby," I said brigthly. "Something wrong? I thought you wanted me to call you tonight?"

"_Well...it _is_ tonight_," his warm voice answered, amused.

"What? Already?" I cast a look out of a window, and saw that it was indeed getting dark. Then my eyes found my digital clock resting on my nightstand.

8 p.m. Damn, time apparently flew away in this town.

"Oh...right, I'm sorry," I apologized sheepishly, stretching out my arm which wasn't holding my phone towards my night lamp. "I got caught up by all the furniture arrangement I think..."

"_It's okay, don't worry. So, how's the house?_"

I was still groping for the lamp switch near my bed. "It's great actually, the rooms are really...well, roomy," I answered, making him chuckle. "And the garden's nice, you'd like it. Dad was assembling the barbecue earlier..." I added as I finally got my hand on the bloody switch.

"_Have you met any neighbour yet?_"

If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he'd sounded slightly possessive. But Jack and jealousy were opposite words. At least at this time.

"Er...no, not yet." I lit my lamp and then slumped onto my back to lie on the bed. "But I think I heard Mum talk about going on a 'hi-we're-your-new-neighbours' tour tomorrow."

Speaking of the devil, my mother called me from downstairs, telling me dinner was ready. Shit, she'd chosen her moment well..

"I have to go," I muttered.

"_Yeah, I heard her,_" he sighed, sounding just as saddened as I felt. "_Okay then. Have a good evening, sweetheart. I'll call you again tomorrow._"

'_I'd rather you called me again tonight..._'

For some reason I didn't voice this thought. I was so tired, I would probably go to bed immediately after dinner.

"Thanks, have a nice evening as well," I replied, feeling awkwardly too formal. "Good night."

"_Night_," he repeated soflty.

We didn't say 'I miss you' but we didn't need to, it was quite palpable already. And I wasn't a fan of saying 'I love you' over the phone.

Once he'd hung up I kept staring at the white ceiling for a good minute, still holding my cell phone against my ear, and I felt loneliness settle heavily on my shoulders. A disheartened sigh came out between my lips and when I went downstairs to dine with my familly, it was with my head full with my boyfriend and my mood lower than ever.

Long distance relationships really sucked.

* * *

title: Sing for Absolution

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	3. The Spicy Aroma

**THE SPICY AROMA**

I'd been wrong when I'd thought I would go to bed right after diner. The food had given me back the energy I'd been lacking.

I brushed my teeth, showered, checked my emails, read... Did anything I could to postpone the moment when I would have to turn off the light. I considered calling Jack, but realised that the perspective of talking to him without being able to see him, even less touch him, feel him, was more depressing than anything else. And eventually it turned midnight I had to try and get some sleep.

We hadn't installed the curtains at my windows yet, and- in order not to let the sunlight woke me up at the break of dawn- I was wearing a sleeping mask. You know, these hideous but useful things they always gave you in planes during night flights. But I wasn't used to sleeping with something clasped against my face like that and I tossed and turned in my bed for hours.

I guess I just needed some time to get used to my new environment. Thoughts were churning around in my mind, keeping me awake. I thought about Jack, and the last night I'd spent with him. With a heavy heart, I thought about the warmth of his body and the sweetness of his lips. I mulled over all that I'd left behind, and all I would discover here. A new school, new teachers, hopefully new friends. Would I be able to fit in? I certainly hoped so...

I wondered if Alex was asleep. Perhaps I could try knocking at his door, perhaps he'd be up for a little nighty chat... It wouldn't be the first time I'd end up leaning out of a window with him, lighting up a cigarette- taken from the little pack hidden in my bedroom- while talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

Minutes, then hours streamed on my clock's screen which I kept peeking at. I couldn't sleep. It was starting to get annoying. The more I was annoyed, the less I felt sleepy**.** It was a vicious circle, I couldn't sleep because I was upset I couldn't sleep. I had to do something about it, or else I would spend a sleepless night. And since sleeping pills weren't an option, I tried to tense then relax each of my muscles in turn, starting with my toes and going up my body. It was a little trick I'd learned that could help combat episodes of insomnia.

It was working. I had not yet reached the muscles of my jaw when my mind started to drift away, ready to surrender to Morpheus arms, _finally_. But my ears suddenly caught something. A rattling noise, coming from outside. I strained them to hear, trying to detect any sound, but nothing came. Maybe I'd just dreamed it.

I huffed. Dream or not, I'd been on the verge of going under, and now I had to start all over again. With a sigh, I resumed the whole process and contracted the muscles in my left feet.

_Bang! _

I sat bolt upright in my bed, clutching my blanket in my hands. Again, I'd heard something, and this time I was certain I hadn't dreamed it. I pushed my eye mask up into my hair. The yellow light coming from the street lamps was hitting the objects in my room sideways, casting long shadows on the walls and on the wooden floor. Everything was still.

Noises cracked through the silence again. This time it sounded like glass shattering and people talking loud and...

"_Singing?_" I breathed, incredulous.

I darted a look at my clock.

3:08 a.m.

"What the hell?" I mumbled under my breath as I rubbed my eyes.

I threw my blanket back, freeing my legs from the cover, and grudgingly got out of bed and onto my feet. The sounds were coming from the street below and I carefully peeked through the window that overlooked the front yard. At first I saw nothing, and I had to slid closer, so close that my nose was practically touching the glass. And there, I caught sight of figures messing around just in front of our neighbours' house. The one with the beautiful garden.

There were three of them, all guys from what I could glimpse, and due to the way they were moving I could tell they were pissed, if not legless. Indignation suddenly flared inside me, hot and aggressive. _Boozers_ had woken me? I angrily opened my sash window, so hasty in my annoyance that I was being clumsy. The fresh air of the summer night eventually poured inside my room, and I craned my neck outside.

"YOOOuuuuu're soooooo SooooliiiiiIIIIiiiide..." one of them was slurring with a high-pitched voice while floundering around the garden.

"Hey!" I called. That idiot was going to ruin the flowery plantations, in addition to waking up the whole neighbourhood.

"Iiiiit muuuuuuuurns inside of beeee!"

"HEY!" I shouted.

There was a sudden silence, followed by inquiring whispering and...giggling. Geez, how_ old_ were these guys?

After a few seconds one of them came into the light of a lamp post in front of my new house. I couldn't really discern his features, but I could tell he was a blond, middle-sized young man. And he had a bottle in his hand.

"Oy! Good evening!" he called back as he came to a stop just under my window. "I'm sorry, did we wake you?" He was obviously as drunk as the others but he appeared to be making some efforts to sound sober and polite.

"Well yes, you did!" I snapped, not fazed by his noticeable courtesy. "Do you know what _time_ it is?"

"Eeeeh...no..." he started mumbling. "Sorry not really...but I assume it's late...and erh..."

"It's about TIME I was Paaaiiiiiid! I'M YOUNG BUT I KNOW THAT I'm AROOOOOOOOUUUUuuuuused..."

One of the two in the dark had screamed that so loudly, taking me by surprise, that I knocked my head on the top of my window frame. Hard. That triggered a burst of breathy laugh from the third one. And the one that had 'sung' started giggling again.

"Cut it out, Bells!" the blond one said harshly.

'_Bells? What kind of a nickname is that?_' I thought as I massaged the forming bump on top of my head.

'Bells' hiccuped. "Whatever..." he spluttered as he threw his hand in the air before dropping it. "Hey, what's that in her hair?" he then wondered, pointing at me from afar.

I quickly pulled the sleeping mask out of my hair, feeling my face getting hot.

'_What the heck, why do I feel self-concious? I mean look at_ him!'

I silently blessed the darkness for preventing them from seeing me blushing.

"Hum... Sorry 'bout that," the blond guy close to the house apologized. "He had an extra drink you see... We're gonna go now. I'm really sorry for the inconvenience we've caused you, Miss," he added in a very old-fashioned way.

I raised my eyebrows, perplexed. Was he taking the piss out of me?

"Good night," he concluded, cradling his bottle against his chest.

"Yeah, good night," I mumped while he went back to his friends' side.

They talked amongst themselves for a moment, 'Bells' burst out laughing again and then they all started to walk away into the night. And as I was watching them leave, I clearly saw their backs when they shuffled past a lamp post, and something caught my eye. One of them, I didn't have the time to see which one, was wearing a dark sweater with a red drawing printed on it. I narrowed my eyes and recognized a red wolf.

Huh, how strange. Wolves seemed to be following me these days.

* * *

title: Sober

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK **;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	4. Dragonflies out in the sun

**DRAGONFLIES OUT IN THE SUN**

I woke up tired.

It had taken me ages to fall asleep after the episode of the previous night. Because of the bump which hurt on my head, and the annoyance that I'd been feeling. The adrenaline pumping in my veins had made me toss and turn in my bed even harder. When I'd eventually managed to nod off, the sky had already been lighter with the premises of dawn. And my short sleep hadn't been restful, filled as it had been with agitated dreams of quarrels and altercations.

When my brother and mother's chatting roused me from slumber, it was almost noon. The first thing I felt was a dull pounding in my head, reminding me that I wasn't rested enough. As if I actually needed the reminder... I stretched in my bed, yawned, and got rid of the sleeping mask, pulling it away from my face and tossing it carelessly somewhere over the covers.

Still I kept my eyes closed, curled up in bed, and soon my breathing deepened again. But the sound of talking and dishes clanging drifted up from the kitchen down below and I grunted into my pillow. My eyes opened to slits.

11:23 am.

I sighed, knowing that now that I was aware of how late it was, I wouldn't fall asleep again. There was no point in lying idly in bed so I mustered my will and finally dragged my lazy arse out of bed. After a quick detour to the bathroom, I changed into daytime clothes and then skipped down the stairs to join the rest of my family.

Following the appetizing baking smell that was embalming the air, I walked in the kitchen to stumble upon the weirdest situation ever. My brother. Cooking. It was, how can I describe it... An interesting mess.

"Alexander, you put too much flour... Alexander, you should have waited until it was cold before adding the eggs... Alexander, the butter hasn't reached the room's temperature yet..."

I truly admired my mother's patience. A few months earlier, my twin had developped a passion for cooking. Just like that, out of the blue. But, problem was, he wasn't gifted _at all_ on that domain. Yet whenever I would point out that 'little' obstacle to him, he'd answer that cooking had nothing to do with talent. According to him, all that you needed was a good recipe book, good cooking equipment, and good ingredients. Alright... Then why was it that even with all of this, good book, equipment, and ingredients, nothing that he ever cooked was good?

Though in the end I'd had to resign myself. I had accepted the fact that he just didn't want to hear it. And, oh well, if it was making him happy...

"Good morning!" I said as happily as I could with my five-hour-of-sleep night. And while I gathered bowl, spoon, cereal and milk, they both said their own good-mornings, followed by the usual 'did you sleep well? - 'yes' - 'blah blah blah...' And I did ask them if any of them had heard the drunk punks mucking around during the night, but none of them had. If only I could have been blessed with the power of deep sleep like they had...

When we were done with the morning formalities, I hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter with my bowl. "Mmmmmmh," I hummed appreciatively, exaggerating. "It's smells good baby bro! What are you...concocting?"

"Lemon pies!" he proudly announced without looking up from his cooking book, visibly pleased by my remark about the nice scent.

Something was off. He _hated_ when I called him 'my baby bro'. Mostly because I'd been born just an hour before him.

"Lemon pies?" I repeated. "Isn't it a bit hard to start with lemon pies?" I turned to look at my mother, searching for confirmation. "I've heard it's very easy to mess up. It can turn soggy and liquidy in the blink of an eye... But mostly, why _pies_? Isn't _one_ pie quite enough for the four of us?"

"No honey, it's for the neighbours," my mother explained, elbow-deep in the the soapy water of the sink, doing the dishes which my brother couldn't care to wash.

"Oh," I muttered. The 'hi-we're-your-new-neighbours-tour'. She was doing it everytime we moved somewhere new. "Yeah. Right," I mumbled, hoping that I wouldn't hear next what I was almost certain was about to be said.

"Alex doesn't want to come with me to visit the neighbours... Do you mind coming with me honey?"

Aaaaand...there it was. With my spoon crammed into my mouth, I looked daggers at my brother.

"What?" he asked all innocently, once he'd noticed my dark stare. "I'm cooking! It's your job to do the charity...delivery...thingy!" he quipped, grinning.

So that was it. It hadn't been a selfless offer to help this time. It had been premeditation.

'_Clever bastard._'

"It's not charity," my mother cut in softly. "It's normal to introduce yourself when you're new in town."

But I didn't listen. Leaving my bowl behind, I jumped down the kitchen counter and walked up to Alex's side. "C'mon, move," I instructed, pushing him aside with my hip. Taken by surprise he stumbled to his left a little before righting himself up.

"Hey! Hands off!" he exclaimed, snatching the beater from my fingers which I'd just picked up.

"I'm a better cook than you!" I protested, trying to get a hold on the cooking tool again.

But he was keeping it out of my reach. "And? Don't you know what 'the early bird catches the worm' means? I was here first."

"For the sake of our neighbours' stomachs, give me that!" I retorted, stretching my arm out but without success.

We fought like toddlers over a rattle for perhaps a good minute before our mother decided to interfere. "Stop it, stop it!" she ordered, putting herself between us and reducing us to silence. She huffed and then turned big puppy eyes on me. "Pleeeease honey," she begged, "could you _please_ come with me later to visit the neighbours?"

Woaw. I hadn't realised it was so important to her. "Hu-hum," I stuttered, surprised by her insistence. I cast a look at my brother, then at my mother again, and I finally gave in. "Okay," I sighed. "I'll come with you.'

"Good!" she replied, turning around quickly to settle the matter. I arched an eyebrow at her back as she returned to her unfinished business with the sink. Her 'good!' had sounded like a 'finally!'...

I noticed that Alex- who was apparently buried in the recipe book again- was smirking, and I narrowed my eyes at him. But, clearly, he'd already won.

I grumbled to myself about my twin being spoiled as I picked up my breakfast again. Once I was done I slid the empty bowl towards him. "Here," I said, "your penance. And Mum, please stop doing the dishes. Alex should be doing it."

"Oh I don't mind, sweety," she answered, good-naturedly.

I sighed, shaking my head. What mothers wouldn't do for their sons...

"Jade, why don't go outside, enjoy the nice weather," Alex suggested.

'_Ha! Are you afraid I'll eventually convince Mum about the dishes?_'

"He's right, Jade. It's the perfect day to put your new camera to the test, don't you think?" my mother added before I could ask Alex if he was actually kicking me out of the house.

She knew me well, she couldn't have found a better argument than this one to make me sway.

And a few minutes later I was strolling through the back garden, with my brand new reflex camera hanging round my neck. It had been my 18th birthay present, and I absolutely loved it. My parents knew that this was my second passion, alongside music, and they encouraged me a lot. My father was often saying that I had the gift of 'being able to seize the moment'. It was an overstatement of course... But still, I always felt immensely pleased whenever he would said that.

The weather was perfect. The air was warm but not too warm, the light was bright but not bothering me since I was in the shadows of the trees, the sky was a cloudless strong blue. With my Ipod tucked in my jeans pocket and the earpieces in my ears, I wandered around, taking random pictures of the vegetation while I listened to my latest acquired songs.

_I'm blown away into his hands  
I'm weak and high, can barely stand  
In the web of dizzy leaves  
Virgins all, elude the trees..._

I took a macro photo of a dragonfly that was peaceful taking a sunbath on a large green leaf and was amazed by the result. It was such a good quality. Satisfied, and pleased with my new tool, I headed towards the swinging bench at the back of the garden. I brushed a few shrivelled leaves off the cushions, lay down, and then scrolled through the pictures I'd just taken.

After a moment fatigue caught up with me. I turned on my side, nestled my precious camera against the curve of my belly, and closed my eyes...only to end up dreaming about this breathtaking wolf and its hypnotizing blue eyes again.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

"These ones seem to be really nice people," my mother remarked as we left the neighbours' front yard.

We'd kept the closest houses for the end, and the family we'd just paid a visit to was living just across the street. It had been the fifth (wobbly) lemon pie we'd offered and, she was right, they had been really welcoming.

"Yeah," I agreed. "And their daughter is quite...lively."

Lively didn't cover it. Damn, that girl was _hyper. _She'd looked like she was having the best day of her life for some reason. And I certainly wasn't going to complain about it. She'd been extremely friendly and her good mood had been contagious. She was the kind of person who could wring a chuckle out of anyone, even the grumpiest of people.

Charlenne- that was her name- had even invited me and my brother to a party she was planning on throwing a few days later. It was actually reassuring to see that not all the people living around here who were under thirty were drunk, cheeky, noisy, singing jerks. Although I had to admit that amongst the three, only one of them had been cheeky and singing.

"You're right," I went on, trying to keep out of my mind the tiff of the night which, curiously, had occupied my thoughts since I'd woken up from my nap earlier. "This does help to make new acquaintances around."

"See? I told you..."

I followed her as she headed towards the last house we were going to, the one with the beautiful garden. I cast a glance at the names on the mailbox as we walked past it. 'Mr. and Mrs. Rockminster' was written in old calligraphic fashion. There were also two names which had been hand-written and were a bit faded. It read: 'Paul and Matthew Be..' Be..what? I couldn't read. It ended with 'my' but the middle part was barely visible. Be...my. Bettomy? Be-

"Jade," my mother's voice called, throwing me off my train of thought. I looked up and she beckoned me to join her in front of the door. She'd already rung the bell.

Mmmh, the smell of summer snowflake in the air was exquisite, and I breathed in deeply while we waited. I was admiring the subtle way with which the flower beds had been arranged when I faintly heard some commotion inside the house followed by the sound of determined footsteps approaching.

A lady in her sixties opened the door, wearing a small smile on her face and an curious look in her eyes. She was short but elegant, and you could tell she had once been a very beautiful woman. The glasses on her nose and the wrinkles in her face were betraying her age, but her rosy cheeks and intelligent blue eyes were leaving no doubts about the fact that she was still very active.

I let my mother do the introductions and I just made sure I was standing straight and smiling. I wasn't really listening to what she was saying, I had heard it five times already. And so when I noticed movement behind the lady, I cast an interested look to see who or what it was.

And then my heart stopped.

* * *

title: Feeling Good

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	5. The Most Unbelievable Blue Eyes

**THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE BLUE EYES  
**

Blue eyes. Electric blue ones. Like the ones in my dream.

A sharp spark ran through my stomach and everything around me disappeared, except for these two saphires. And without control or hesitation, I instantly dived into their deep ocean.

Surrounded by ice cold water I felt both thrilled and anxious. Thrilled, because this invigorating freshness had sharpened my senses like never before. Touch, hearing, sight, smell, everything was heightened. I could almost feel the salty taste of the ocean on my tongue. But I was also anxious. Anxious because it was just too deep, darkly vast. I couldn't breathe, the water had started filling my lungs...

'_Am I dreaming again?_'

I knew I wasn't. Part of me was still there, standing in the flowery garden, in front of that nice old lady, my mother next to me...

'_Then I am hallucinating, there's no other explanation possible. I did eat a piece of that pie Alex made earlier... Just...what did he put in there? Mushrooms? __Powder?_ Did he replace flour with cocaine? Perhaps he wants to opiate all the young ladies in the neighborhood...'

As part of my mind was actually really considering all those stupid hypothesis, the other part, the one that was seeing reality, noticed that the blue eyes belonged to a face. And that a mocking crooked smile was spread on that same face.

That's when I realised that the dumb, junkie look, surely visible on _my_ face at the moment, was probably what had triggered the smirk to appear.

It brought me back to the surface.

When we broke eye contact, the air whistled softly through my teeth at my quick intake of breath. As the oxygen was making its way back to my lungs, and to my brain, I was able to process what was being said around me again.

"...My son Alexander and this is my daughter, Jade."

I remembered why I was here for.

"Hi, how do you do?" I mechanically said as I extended my hand and tried really hard not to look anywhere else than in the lady's eyes.

It became harder when the person behind her came to a stop _just_ next to her and nonchalantly leaned against the doorframe.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Mrs. Rockminster said with a warm voice. Her handshake was firm, stronger than all the other hands I had shaken this afternoon, and my fingers felt weak in comparison. "I'm glad that newcomers keep settling down in this part of the town. It's always nice to have lively families and dynamic people around here," she commented, approval laced in her voice.

Then, as if she suddenly became aware of the fact that someone had come to her side, she turned and placed her hand on the person's shoulder. "Oh, and this is my grandson, Matthew," she proudly announced as if he was some kind of star.

Grandson? Wow, she was a young granny. Probably fifteen years younger than my own grandmother, at least...

"Hello," 'Matthew' said smoothly, almost musically. Was it me, or had he just sounded _amused_?

"Hi," I mumbled quickly, avoiding his gaze, before my mother saluted him in a more polite way.

"It's great to see that they are so many young people living in the neighbourhood..." she said as she discretely poked my side.

What? Was I supposed to say something? Or do something? Oh, right...the pie.

Mrs. Rockminster, or Rose- as she wanted to be called- appeared to be extremely touched by the gesture.

"You shouldn't have! This is so nice, don't you think Matthew?" she marvelled as I handed her the pie, trying not to let the trembling in my arms show too much.

'_Hell, what's my problem? Am I coming down with something?_'

"Yeah, it is," her grandson answered, still on a half-mocking tone.

I was itching to steal a glance at him, at this smug sounding Matthew whose eyes had made me go so freaking weak at the knees. But I couldn't take the risk right now, not with the way it had made me lose contact with the present the first time.

"Listen, why don't the two of you, and the rest of your family, come and have dinner with us tonight?" Rose suggested all of a sudden. "I'll be more than happy to share the dessert with the person who made it! And if you have any questions about the town I'll gladly answer them. I've been living here for more than thirty years now so there isn't any street I don't know."

My mother was delighted but I wasn't so sure... How could I spend an entire evening not looking at someone without passing for a douchebag?

But, before I could say anything about it, it was settled, we would go.

I was deep into thoughts about how I would behave when the evening would come while my mother and Rose exchanged endless salutations. Then, when the latter finally withdrew and moved to close the door behind her, my gaze glided up. And, despite my best intentions, I caught a glimpse of Matthew's back as he was walking into another room.

Black sweater, red wolf.

'_Oh... Oh God._'

That's when the pieces fitted in my mind. Pieces that'd had nothing in common just an instant earlier suddenly made perfect sense when brought together. I realised that the blue-eyed _Matthew_ was actually the singing-drunk-cheeky _Bells_ from the previous night. He wasn't blond, and he was the right size. It had to be him.

"Oh Crap," I muttered, stunned, as the door closed.

"What was that honey?" my mother asked ingenuously, completely unaware of the out-of-boby moment I'd just experienced.

"Nothing..."

When we left I couldn't help casting a wary look at the house behind me. It had looked like such a lovely, fairytale cottage. But now it felt more like a dangerous, deceiving place. And to think that I would have to go in there in just a few hours.

Right into the lion's den. Or the wolf's den I should say.

* * *

title: 'I Love You Always For Ever' - Donna Lewis (agreed, I couldn't have found a cheesier song...but it's so beautiful ;) )

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	6. That's What Really Hurts

A/N: If you've never listened to 'Just' by Radiohead... I strongly encourage you to do so. :-) According to me, it's one of their best (if not _the_ best), and the clip is just brilliant.

The song on youtube: /watch?v=-_qMagfZtv8&ob=av2e

* * *

**THAT'S WHAT REALLY HURTS**

7:39 pm.

Still twenty minutes to go. Twenty minutes that I would probably spend staring at my alarm clock, just like I had been doing for the last thirty minutes.

When we'd come back home after our little 'happy-go-lucky stroll', the first thing I'd done was to go to Alex and tell him everything. I had told him about the three spreeing guys who had woken me up in the middle of the night. And I'd told him that one of them was living just next door, that he'd most likely recognised me, and that we were about to have dinner with him.

He'd replied that he thought it was actually pretty cool to have a merrymaker for a neighbour, which wasn't exactly the kind of reaction I'd been hoping for. I'd been expecting a 'Whaaaaat? My God who is this guy? What a twat! Can't he let my big sister sleep in peace? !' But of course it was my brother we were talking about here. He was a guy, he liked to party- as did I but still...- and it wasn't under _his_ window that the whole scene had occurred.

But I had omitted to tell him that this Matthew had the most gorgeous and bewitching eyes I'd ever seen in my whole life. I just couldn't see the point in bringing it up. Besides, I was trying to convince myself that they weren't _that_ incredible. I had just reacted this strongly because of the stupid dream I'd had repeatedly these last few days. He had taken me off guard and that was all. The next time, I would be prepared for it.

Then I'd spent at least an hour in the bathroom (which I only had to share with Alex...that was great) getting ready.

'_How should I do my make-up? What can I wear? What do I do with my hair? Dammit _why_ am I this nervous..._'

It was only one guy for Christ's sake! And moreover, I wasn't sure he was a very good one to hang around with, despite what my brother thought.

But the truth was... I hadn't liked that mocking smile he'd given me. It'd hurt my ego. Who the hell did he think he was? _He_ should have been the one to be embarrassed! It wasn't _me_ who'd been caught gibbering and completely pissed in the street!

Part of me was feeling self-conscious for reacting in such a childish way. But then I pictured that smirk of his again in my mind and my annoyance came back ten fold. I finally decided to wear a loose white top and tight blue jeans. I only put some mascara on and arranged my hair in a messy bun.

'_The hell with this_,' I thought as I collapsed on my bed.

That was when I'd started to check on my clock every minute or so.

7:46 pm.

I sighed, rolling on my back. The tree outside the window that was nearest to my bed was casting shifting shadows on the ceiling. My eyes followed their fluid movements as I tapped my fingers against my stomach impatiently.

I had tried to play piano as it usually calmed me. But when I had sat in front of the keys earlier, my improvisations had always ended in rough, loud, harsh music. And that wasn't smoothing at all.

Nevertheless, I _needed_ music right in that moment. I didn't have enough time to take a walk and there wasn't enough sunlight left to take pictures. And so I eventually stood up, turned on my I-pod dock, and I let it randomly choose a track amongst the thousands that I had on it.

'Just' by Radiohead began playing loudly in my room. '_Good choice,_' I thought as I started singing along.

"...Comes like a comet... Suckered you but not your friends... One day he'll get to youuuu and teach you hoooow to be a hooooooooo-llyyy COOOoooow..." I smiled to myself when I emphasized the last word. I felt my tense muscles relax as the song went on. It was amazing the effect music could have on my body and my mood...

"Yes honey, you're right, I'm doing it to myself," I muttered, absently heading towards a window.

And all of a sudden, I remembered that this particular window overlooked his back yard. And an idea began to bloom in my mind. It was quite dark in my room, since I hadn't switched any lamp on...

'_So he won't be able to see me I suppose._'

I cautiously approached the window and snooped down. Ah. That damn tree. I had forgotten about it. It was a young oak but quite bushy, and it was hard to see past it. I slid the sash window open, fully aware that the music was too loud, but I didn't care. I was actually hoping that he'd been taking a nap and that I'd just woken him. I would apologize to Rose later if I had to.

I was standing on tiptoe and streching my neck, sweeping my gaze over the foliage, searching for an opening. But the wind kept blowing through the branches, and the leaves were constantly undulating in the feeble crepuscular light. Yet, at some point, framed in a little gap between the leaves, I saw him. And to make it even more dramatic, as if my Ipod had done it on purpose, it happened right at the moment when the song made a short pause.

I almost had the same reaction than before. Almost. This time I didn't hallucinate or anything but a gasp escaped me nonetheless.

He was looking right at me. But he wasn't seeing me. As I had hoped the lack of light in my room prevented that. He, on the other hand, was well lit by the light coming from his house. I searched his face while his brillant eyes were looking up towards my room, trying to peer through the tree as well.

He didn't look angry or annoyed at all. On the contrary, he seemed..._pleased_? What was there to be so pleased about? Thom Yorke was screaming his lungs out of my speakers and Matthew hadn't asked for it. Or at least, wasn't _supposed_ to have asked for it...

"BOO!"

My heart leapt into my throat. I screamed in shock, whirling around to face whoever it was that had just grabbed me from behind while shouting this word in my ear.

Heart thumping against my ribs, my eyes focused on my twin's face, which was currently split into a grin.

"_Alex_!" I shrieked, scowling and pressing my hand flat againt my chest. "What the hell? ! I almost had a heart attack, you prat!"

He didn't seem moved at all; instead he began to scrutinize our neighbours' garden himself. I took a look, only to see that Matthew'd left.

"So, N.T.R. on enemy territory?" Alex asked, beaming.

My face heated up and I shoved his shoulder, hard. "Shut up!"

"Ouch! Roh I'm just fooling around," he grumbled, rubbing his shoulder where I'd hit him. "Anyways. Mum sent me to fetch you, we're going. Now."

I glanced at my clock which read 7:58 p.m. Mum. Always so punctual.

* * *

title: Just - Radiohead

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	7. Come Into My Life

Thanks to PwoperMuser for the review! (Yes, I'm gonna thank everyone ^^)

* * *

**I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT (1/3) Come into my life**

I was sure I'd just heard a ding dong clock ringing eight o'clock inside when my father knocked at their door.

"You know, Dad, we live in the 21th century," Alex teased him before ringing the door bell.

"Oh...right," my father sheepishly answered.

I was fidgeting, my insides twisting and my hands clammy as if I was about to sit some important exam. Through the side windows flanking the front door we saw a shadow approaching the door and the rest of my family suddenly straightened to look their best. I just braced myself for whatever was coming.

I exhaled when Rose's friendly smile welcomed us. "Aw, what a lovely family picture," she said, greeting us while she assessed us with one quick but thorough look.

Rose ushered us inside and the first thing I noticed before hanging my jacket on the coat rack in the hall was the strong appetizing stew smell floating in the air. The living room wasn't big but it was lovely, quite cosy. I immediately spotted the old Boardman piano standing against the wall. It was a magnificent piece, the kind you would expect to find at an antique dealer's place. It probably cost a fortune...

While Alex and my parents were dragged into the next room by a cutely excited Rose who wanted to show us around the house, I wondered where the others were. It was strange, but even if I didn't know him I just couldn't picture Matthew living here. Vintage embroidered cushions and Victorian trinkets... It just...didn't match the little I'd seen of him. And there was this 'Paul' who I hadn't met yet but who, I assumed, was Matthew's brother. And Mr. Rockminster was missing as well. Where was everyone?

But in spite of this question, my curiosity regarding the piano was stronger, and the beautiful instrument attracted me like a magnet. I'd been right: 'Boardman & Gray' was carved in gold letters in the wood. The keyboard wasn't covered but it wasn't dusty either. It was being maintained then. Fortunately, for it would have been a crime to let this baby uncared for.

I didn't sit on the red velvet stool but my index finger hovered over the middle C before timidly pressing it. The sound was clear and powerful and I smiled in appreciation.

"Do you play?"

I gasped with startlement and recognized this voice all too well. Damn it! How was I supposed to act casual when he kept catching me off guard like that? !

He didn't apologize for scaring me so I braced myself, wore my poker face- with the tense smile that usually came with it- and I turned around to face him. He was standing with his arms crossed, watching me as he leaned against a couch's backrest a feet away from me. The amusement was clear in his blue eyes, and his infuriating smirk was firmly in place.

'_Poker face_,' I reminded myself, swallowing back the snappy remark that so wanted to leap off my tongue.

"Yes, I do," I returned him, with no detectable emotion in my voice. Or so I hoped.

"For how long have you been playing?" he asked as soon as I'd finished my sentence.

"Almost ten years now," I answered, unfazed.

"What type of piano?" he went on.

"Erh...grand piano..."

"Did you have music lessons?"

It was a pwoper interrogation...

"Well yes, I had a few when I was younger."

I waited for the next question to blurt out but it didn't come right away. He seemed to be pondering what I had just said. So I took my chance and asked my own question.

"Do _you_ play?"

"Of course I do," he replied.

He was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. Like I had just asked "Are we alive right now?" or something. What was that supposed to mean? The fact that he was playing the piano wasn't written on his forehead, was it? I felt slightly annoyed and struggled to keep myself from rolling my eyes but my brother came into the room at this point. A welcomed distraction.

"Jade, Mum wants you to come and join us in the backgarden," he told me, sounding so bored that I wondered if my mother had really asked him to fetch me, or if it was just him who didn't want to be the only person under twenty in the garden. Then his gaze fell upon Matthew and in a heartbeat, I knew my twin had figured out who he was, because his eyes suddenly glimmed with malice. I was worried all of a sudden...

"Hey!" he happily exclaimed, walking over to Matthew and extending his hand in an amical gesture. For an instant there, I let myself believe that Alex was just gleeful because he'd potentially found a new friend. But he dashed my hopes pretty quickly. "I've heard a loooooot about you," he added as they shook hands, stretching the 'lot' on purpose.

Ugh, not so welcomed anymore this distraction.

Blue-eyed Matthew smiled, looking pleasantly surprised. "Really?"

And from the way he'd said it, I realised he knew exactly what my brother was implying.

'_Oh hell, this can't be happening..._'

"Yep," Alex nodded. "You made quite an impression earlier."

Matthew's smile transformed into his usual smirk. "Yeah, I do tend to have this effect," he replied smugly, though he was probably just playing along with Alex's little game. I supposed he was joking, but who knew...

They were both watching me with the same impish look in their eyes and I felt my face heat up with a burning blush. My own eyes shot Alex daggers, the only defense I was allowed right now without embarrassing myself even more. Why couldn't my twin be mute? ! I would have joyfully wrung his neck right there...

I forced a little humourless laugh out of my lips then went to my brother's side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. He was taller than me, so the position was a bit awkward, but I wanted to have a firm grip on him. "You said we had to go into the backgarden, so let's go!" I reminded him while I led him outside with me. Once I was sure Matthew wouldn't hear, I brought my lips next to Alex's ear. "Do that again and you'll regret it," I muttered, my voice dripping with threat.

I was aware I'd been acting childishly aggressive towards Alex lately, but at this point I was a whole new level of mad at him.

Perhaps he sensed just how dangerously angry I was, and that was the reason why he ducked under my arm and trotted forwards to hide behind our mother's skirt. My father and Rose were having an animated conversation about pesticides- the scientific point of view versus the gardener's one- while my mother was intensely studying some vegetables that were growing in Rose's small orchard. I knew my mother well, and I knew she was just pretending to be interested by their discussion.

But anyway, since my parents weren't looking at me, I kept on glaring openly at my twin who was deliberately avoiding my gaze in return.

"I totally agree with you..." Rose was saying when she suddenly looked towards me. "Oh Matthew, I see that you've met Jade," she remarked, smiling fondly.

I cast a quick glance to my left and noticed him, stepping out of the house.

"Yes, Gran. But we already met this afternoon, you remember?" her grandson said softly.

"Oh. Yes, I remember..." she said hesistantly as her gaze seemed to get lost into the void.

There was a bit of an awkward silence for an instant, but my mother quickly broke it with a compliment on the garden. Then they were all talking cheerfully again.

I peered at Matthew, who was standing beside me and who looked deep into thoughts. What was he doing here? He seemed so out of place… But who the hell was I to judge him?

He glanced up and met my gaze, perhaps he'd sensed my eyes on him. I tried to give him a sympathetic look and a small smile, surely it wasn't easy for a boy this age to carry a burden like this on his shoulders.

But he didn't seem to appreciate my concern. His eyes hardened, warm water turning into ice.

I quickly averted my eyes, destabilized by the sharp change. I was just trying to be nice to him, even after he'd embarrassed me in the living-room with Alex, and that was how he thanked me. It wasn't my fault if his grandmother was struggling with her memory. My own grandfather had been diagnosed with Alzheimer a few months earlier, so even if it was none of my business I knew how he felt, more than he could imagine.

The silence stretched between us, and I was starting to feel really uncomfortable. Why was he staying by my side if he wasn't talking to me? He just stood there, his hands in his pockets while he watched the others pensively. Was he sulking? Gee, that guy was so weird.

I sighed. "Where are the others?" I eventually asked, unable the stand this silence any longer.

"What others?" he asked coldly, not looking at me.

"There are four names on your mailbox..." I trailed off, slightly intimidated by his apparent foul mood.

He didn't answer so I sneaked a look up at him again with some apprehension. Relief washed over me when I saw that his eyes had softened again. He seemed puzzled. Or even…impressed? Surely I wasn't reading his emotions right. But his eyes studied me for a moment, as if he was trying to size me up. I felt the blush creep into my cheeks again under his intent scrutiny and I looked away shyly. Had no one ever told him that staring wasn't polite?

"Well..." he eventually began, "my grandfather passed away a long time ago and... And Paul, my brother, doesn't live here anymore."

"Oh." was all I found for an answer. And another silence settled in.

'_Well that conversation isn't awkward at all…_'

"Matthew?" Rose called from the kitchen a few moments later. I hadn't even noticed she had entered the house again… "Can you come here a moment? I need your help with something."

And without a second's hesitation- perhaps he was just as thankful for the interruption as I was- he smiled an apology at me and did just what he had been asked to do.

* * *

title: Map of the problematic + Hoodoo

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	8. Pardon the Way that I Stare

**I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT (2/3) Pardon the way that I stare**

When I sat at the dining table I saw that the dishes were made of fine porcelain. Apparently they didn't have guests very often, Rose was receiving us like we were kings.

I was seated next to Alex and opposite to Matthew. I wasn't so sure this was a good idea but I didn't really have a choice.

Good news was that the food was excellent. Lamb stew with squash and mint was one of my all time favourite and Rose had really nailed it. The meat was meltingly tender and strongly flavoured, and the full-bodied red wine my parents had brought was bringing out the aromas perfectly.

Whilst a Bill Doggett's CD was being played in the living room, feeling the air with jazzy music, we all talked about everything and nothing for a while. Small uncommitted talk which main aim was to get to know each other without putting anyone ill-at-ease.

My mother told them that my brother and I had been born in Paris. We'd lived there for a few years before moving to Milan, then to Berlin. We'd come back to my parents homeland, England, only five years earlier. Then my father couldn't help bragging about the fact that Alex and I could speak all four languages. French, Italian, German and English. Seriously though, I could barely remember German.

I wished he hadn't told them that. Matthew would think that I was some posh daddy's little girl who only cared about pleasing her parents by getting good grades.

'_And remind me why you should care what he thinks?_' a little voice in my head suddenly asked.

After all I barely knew him. I _didn't_ know him in fact. So it wasn't as if his opinion of me was of any importance.

When Rose inquired about what we wanted to do once we were done with high school, I told her that I planned on entering the London School of Photography. Alex still wasn't sure about what he wanted to do, but he was actively searching for a university in London as well.

As for us, we learnt a lot about the town, thanks to Rose detailed explanations. She gave us tips about the shops that were worth going to and the ones we should avoid. She talked about the differences between the various neighbourhoods, about the local history and events, about the beaches nearby and the weather.

Matthew, on the other hand, didn't talk much. More accurately, he didn't talk _at all_. I wasn't sure if it was shyness, disinterest or just...weirdness. But still, he seemed to be listening at least.

I must admit that I wasn't really paying attention to Rose's comments. I had excuses though. Matthew's spoon-twirling was rather distracting.

He was almost entirely dressed in black. Black trousers, black shirt. Two white braces were contrasting the look. His hair was a happy mess, and ebony like his clothes. In fact, he looked like he'd just walked straight out of a Tim Burton's movie. And that was a compliment.

The only hints of colour on him were his eyes. These two cerulean orbs that had caught me staring at him several times already. I had invariably looked quickly away, waited a few seconds, and then resumed my slidelong glances…until he would catch me again. It felt like we were playing some strange and discreet hide-and-seek game.

And now that I was able to look at him without losing my access to air or having disturbing visions, I realised that he sort of looked... He looked…

'_Sexy might be the word you're looking for_.'

Perhaps. Yet I'd noticed he was short for a guy, and skinny. I wasn't quite sure of why I found him attractive in fact. But there definitely was…_something_ about him...

I was abruptly drawn out of my reverie when the subject of my studying suddenly decided to participate in the conversation. I'd been convinced he wasn't paying attention either, apparently I'd been wrong.

"It's a hobby, not her actual job," he said. "And she's never forced us into it." His voice was clipped and he looked tense all of a sudden.

Confused, I cast puzzled looks at the others around us, trying to catch clues about what I'd missed.

"Still, she shouldn't have let you participate, you were both far too young," Rose retorted quietly but firmly, with a tone that said 'let us not discuss this now.'

More and more at a loss, I leaned closer to my brother. "What's going on?" I murmured.

"They're talking about Rose's stepdaughter, Matt's mother. Mum asked about her and apparently she's... Well, she's kind of a medium," he whispered back.

Oh. Crap, how had they reached this topic? I noticed my parents looked as uncomfortable as I felt right in that instant. This kind of situation wasn't something we were accustomed to.

It was easy to guess where the others stood though. Rose openly didn't approve of her stepdaughter's activities whereas Matthew seemed to be defending her. So much for avoiding touchy issues at dinner.

"And... Matthew, what do you plan to do next year, after you graduate?" my mother asked, obviously trying to change the topic and soften the atmosphere.

He leaned back in his chair and seemed to unwound a notch. "Uh, I don't really care about graduating actually. I'm in a band," he answered, sounding slightly smug I must say.

"Hey, that's cool!" my brother suddenly lightened up. "What kind of music do you play?" he inquired with his mouth half full, earning himself a reproachful look from our mother.

Matthew smiled at him, surely pleased by his enthusiasm. "Alternative Rock mostly. Yet sometimes it's closer to metal."

"Metal?" I interrupted. "And you play the piano?" I couldn't quite hide the perplexity in my voice.

His blue eyes flicked to mine and my heartbeat couldn't help but quicken a fraction. "Well yes, I do," he smoothly replied. "You'd be surprised to hear that it's not incompatible. I play the guitar too. And I'm the main singer."

My eyebrows shot up. The main singer? Seriously? When I'd heard him the night before, it hadn't really sounded melodious. But now, he'd been smashed so... Was he the one who'd written the lyrics too?

Matthew was looking at me with an amused expression gleaming in his eyes, and I wondered if he was thinking about the previous night as well.

Meanwhile Rose had brought Alex's pie on the table. It looked more like a porridge than a pie in fact. Matthew raised an eyebrow when he saw it and Rose cast him a really disapproving look when he got up to fetch a banana instead of taking a piece. He just gazed back at her with the most innocent look on his face. I had to hide my smile behind my glass, feigning to take a sip. God, he surely was hot when he smiled like that...

"So what's your band's name?" Alex asked him, not seeming spiteful at all. He had actually winced after swallowing his first bite. I personally thought it wasn't so bad...

"Rocket Baby Dolls," Rose interjected happily.

"No Gran', I told you, it's Muse now," Matthew swiftly corrected her, a tinge of red colouring up his cheeks. I would later- much later- understand why 'Rocky Baby Dolls' was a subject that could make him blush...

"Oh, yes. Well you do change it a lot," she said, frowning.

"This time I think we'll stick to it."

I then wondered who was 'we'. Were the other two from the previous night in his band as well?

"Muse... It's a good name," Alex remarked vacantly, "leaves you musing ha-ha."

I snorted and rolled my eyes.  
Rose giggled.  
My mother indulgently smiled.  
My father hadn't heard.  
Matthew just looked at us like we all were a bunch of aliens of some sort.

* * *

title: Map of the problematic + Can't take my eyes off of you

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	9. Run from the one who comes to find you

**I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT (3/3) Run from the one who comes to find you**

When all our plates were empty, when I leaned back in my chair feeling sated and slightly drowsy, I was surprised to see Matthew stand up and collect the dishes. My mother turned to my brother and me with a meaningful look in her eyes and for once Alex was quicker to understand than me. He scraped his chair back and rose to his feet. When I got it as well I uncrossed my legs and hastily mimicked him.

"Oh no, you don't have to..."  
"It's okay, I've got it..."

I smiled at Rose and her grandson, who had just spoken in unison when Alex and I had started collecting our own plates.

"We don't mind," I told them. "It'll be quicker this way."

Matthew appeared unconvinced still he didn't object any more, and my mother quickly got Rose's attention again so that she let it go as well.

I carefully picked up the piled up plates and followed the boys out of the room. On my way to the kitchen I noticed the wooden stairs leading to the first floor and I slowed down in my tracks. The corridor up there hadn't been lit and the steps were leading straight into the dark. I stood there for a moment, staring into the eerie blackness.

Their bedrooms were probably upstairs. I caught myself idly wondering what Matthew's room could look like. I imagined it to be dark and intriguing. I pictured a bed in my mind; a bed surrounded by shelves where sat many strange objects. I wondered what sort of books he read, if he did like to read. What could his hobbies possibly be? Apart from music of course… What could pique his interest?

Gooseflesh rose on my skin and I was suddenly eaten up with curiosity. But the sound of dishes clanging in the kitchen reached my ears and it snapped my wandering mind back to the present. I inwardly sniggered at myself for having such Hitchcocky thoughts. Strange objects… Hah! As if.

I dragged my gaze away from the stairs and joined my brother and Matthew in the kitchen.

"Don't worry, we have a dishwasher," the latter informed me as I laid the plates I'd been holding on the worktop. "Just leave them here, I'll take care of it," he added.

Alex seemed more than satisfied with that and he went back into the dining room without needing to be asked twice. I, on the other hand, insisted on staying.

"It's only normal, your grandmother was kind enough to invite us tonight," I pointed out as I picked up a sponge next to the sink.

"You have a strange definition of normality," Matthew commented, bending over to open the dishwasher's door as he did. "Usually guests don't do the dishes."

"Well... They do at our place. So be prepared if we ever invite you," I quipped.

Due to his apparent reluctance to my helping him, I'd been wondering if- and why- he felt that uncomfortable around me. But he quietly chuckled at my little joke and I relaxed a bit. I was most likely just imagining things.

We were being quite efficient, surprisingly. We'd found a productive pattern: I was quickly running some water on the dishes- rubbing a bit with the sponge when needed- and I passed them to him. He then crammed them somewhere in the dishwasher.

I kept casting quick looks at him all the while, it was easier to be discreet about it now that we weren't sitting facing each other. Still our eyes eventually met, and this time I was the one to catch him staring at me. Indeed, at some point I glanced at him and saw that his eyes were fixed on my face. I expected him to shyly look away like I had done all evening…except that he didn't. On the contrary, he firmly held my gaze.

I'd have thought that artificial light wasn't the most flattering there was, and yet it made his eyes look bright and striking. My lips parted, as my lungs suddenly felt smaller than usual, and I had to look away, feeling my cheeks heat up. His blue stare was just impossible to hold.

He had such a strange, incomprehensible demeanor. The way he moved and talked, and his attitude in general, was making him appear so aloof and indifferent. But if he cared so little, then why the insistent eye contact? Not to mention the inquiring stream of questions about my skills as a pianist…

I did my best to look unmoved but the plate I'd been handing him nearly slipped from my fingers and my heart leaped in my chest in fear of dropping it. Thankfully he quickly caught it, avoiding the worst, and he had the courtesy not to make any remark. At this point it weren't just my cheeks that felt hot, but my whole face and chest. I tried to focus on my task and didn't allow myself any look in his direction after that. And finally, after five long minutes, we were all done.

It was with a certain relief that I left him behind while he started the dishwasher's program. When I entered the dining room again all lights had been turned off except for one lamp, and the room was empty but for the music. Nina Simone's voice had replaced Bill doggett's, and she sang about her lost love and how she wanted him to know she'd been a fool and she wanted him back. The others had gone outside to sit and chat around an outdoor table. I leaned against the doorframe that opened onto the garden without joining them right away.

Feeling that my chignon had lowered in my nape, I reached up and pulled on the band that was holding it together. I slid my fingers in my hair and gently shook it loose. The evening air was fresh and letting my hair down would help to keep my neck and shoulders warm.

My blonde locks were partly blocking my sight as I brushed my fingers through them, but even if couldn't see anything to my left, my sixth sense told me I was being watched. I peered through my mass of hair and discerned Matthew's silhouette.

Heat crept up to my face once again. A bit self-conscious about the fact that I'd just behaved like I was in some kind of fancy shampoo commercial, I pushed my hair behind my ear and tucked my hand in my jean's left front pocket. And I was unable to keep myself from glancing at him.

He was slouched against the opposite side of the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes lingering on…either my hair, my neck or my shoulder, it was hard to say. His gaze slid up to mine and I immediately looked away.

But I'd had the time to notice the look in his eyes.

I say 'the' look, yet I have absolutely no idea how to describe it. It was undescribable. All I know is that my stomach dropped at the sight of it. As if I was in a roller coaster, only way better. It lasted just a second but it was enough to leave me dry-mouthed.

"To which school you and your brother will go when the holidays end?" he suddenly asked.

I breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for the casual feel of the question.

We were going back to class in two weeks, unfortunately. Or fortunately, if it could prevent me from wandering around all day with him just next door.

"We'll both go to... I think it's called Belmont Hall," I replied, unsure of myself.

"That's where I'm going too."

Ah. So much for trying to avoid him. But I couldn't deny that deep inside, the news actually pleased me. Moreover, I'd fancied I'd heard a bit of approval in his voice when he'd answered.

I didn't like the fact that my heart was pounding fast against my ribcage just by being near him, and I wished he'd gone on asking questions. It would have help keeping me distracted. But he was staying silent, and I hesitated. Either I joined my family and Rose, or I took upon myself to reignite the conversation.

I chose the second option.

"Can I ask you something?" I said on an uneasy tone. Unseasy because I knew there was a chance my query wouldn't be well met. But I was curious.

"Sure," he assured me, sounding like he meant it.

I held back for an instant, but eventually decided it wasn't such a horrible question to ask. And yet I couldn't bring myself to look at him when I spoke. "Why do you live with your grandmother?"

And as soon as the words were out, I wanted to reclaim them. '_God, please don't tell me you're an orphan…_'

He took a few seconds before answering but when he did he didn't sound angry. "My brother and I came to live with her after our parents got a divorce five years ago."

It sounded like a ready-made sentence he'd delivered quite a few times in the past, but at least his eyes didn't turn icy and it satisfied my curiosity, though only in part. Still he was being polite but I knew I had hit a sensitive nerve, and I wasn't about to push my luck.

I was searching for something else to say when some melody could suddenly be heard over the music playing in the background. It sounded like a bird chirping… And it was coming from Matthew.

_Lovin' you, is easy 'cause you're beautiful…_

My eyes widened a fraction and my brows drew together as I shot him a very dubious look. He looked just as perplexed as me, if not more. Once he was over his initial surprise he reached for his pocket, and it was clear then that the song was coming from his cell phone.

"Hum… Excuse-me…" he mumbled at me before withdrawing back into the dining room, frowning at his phone as he did.

"Damn it, Dom, stop changing my ringtones," was the first thing he said when answering.

I turned away and had to bite my lower lip to avoid bursting out laughing. Hell, I hadn't seen this one coming.

Despite my best intentions I realised I was trying to eavesdrop on him, but he walked further inside the room and the music playing covered most of his conversation. But I managed to catch some of it.

"…Do you want me to bring the record?... I can be here in half an hour or so…"

I felt a pang of disappointment when I heard that. That meant he wouldn't spend the rest of the evening with us.

"And don't open the bottle until I'm here," he was saying, his voice getting clearer now that he was coming back to my side. "Mmmh. Yes, well, I know you," he chuckled. "'Kay, see you later."

He turned to me once he'd hung up. "Sorry, I have to go," he told me with a smile. The phone call seemed to have lightened his mood. Substantially so.

"Okay," I simply answered, torn between the pleasure of seeing him smile and the picking- and disconcerting- upset of knowing he was about to leave.

"I'll try not to wake you when I come home this time," he added, eyes teasing, before disappearing into the hallway leading to the stairs.

I caught myself smiling after him and I quickly forced myself to sober up. What was I doing? I was supposed to be mad at him for what had happened the night before.

I stood from the doorframe and joined the others outside. My mother's eyes met mine briefly and she smiled. I smiled back and sat on the closest chair, trying to ease into whatever they were talking about. But before I could grasp the topic Matthew came in sight again, a black backpack hanging off his shoulder.

He placed one hand on Rose's shoulder and leaned down to peck her forehead. "I'm off to Chris' place," he told her.

She patted his hand. "Alright, try not to come home _too_ late."

The corner of his mouth quirked up. "Sure."

By the look on Rose's face, I could tell she wasn't duped. But still she smiled. She'd probably known what his answer would be beforehand, but she'd had to say it just the same.

He politely- almost shyly- bid my family goodnight and just before he turned around, when I was the only one still looking at him, when I was starting to think he was going to leave without another glance at me, his eyes flicked to mine.

"'Night, Jade," he said quietly.

My name skimmed from his lips like a caress and heat instantly rolled over my skin, hitting a nerve I didn't even know was there before. I stared at him, unable to answer, my brain jellified. The tiny smirk plastered on his face was the last thing I saw of him before he turned around.

I blinked dumbly into the cool, summer evening air. Okay, something was very wrong with me. I had no idea where this weird, ridiculous chemistry was coming from, but it had to cease. Since when did I start losing my ability to speak when a guy said my name? Since when did I start blushing like a schoolgirl every five seconds?

Gaze lost in the flame of the little candle standing in the centre of the small wooden table, I was too moonstruck to participate to the conversations around me. The others could have been speaking in Greek, truly it wouldn't have made such a difference.

When my own phone vibrated in my pocket, it scared the crap out of me, and I jolted in my chair. Fuck, twice in two days.

Alex chuckled at my reaction and I couldn't help smiling. "Sorry," I muttered, chuckling as well.

I stood up and took a couple of steps away from the table before answering.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, love, it's me._"

I froze for a second.

Jack! My hand flew to my forehead. Dammit, I had completely forgotten to call him. Guilt swelled in me, it'd been only two days since I'd last seen him and I was already mooning over another guy…

"Hey, sweetheart," I said softly, too softly. "How are you?"

In my back I heard Rose call her grandson angrily for some reason, and I walked further away from the table, covering the ear that wasn't against the phone with my hand. I went deeper in the garden, out of sight.

And while I chatted with my boyfriend, I tried really hard to get Matthew's smirk out of my mind... With mitigated success.

* * *

title: Map of the problematic + 'Feral Love' - Chelsea Wolfe

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	10. Long Nights Allow me to Feel

**LONG NIGHTS ALLOW ME TO FEEL**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

"'Night, Jade," I said smoothly.

I had the satisfaction to see her shiver before I turned around. Wow, easy prey this one would do. If I ever wanted to be predatory...

Feeling slightly smug and pleased with myself I left the little group behind me and entered the house again. I walked over to the CD player in the living room and picked up Nina Simone's disc before sliding it in my backpack. But- and since I wasn't some kind of selfish arsehole- I took the time to put another CD in the player, so that I wouldn't leave them without any musical background. I chose the first one that came to hand. 'Greatest All-Time Hits of B.J. Thomas'.

But before I pressed 'play', another cover caught my eye. Metallica's 'black album'. This one was mine. Feeling my lips stretch into a smile, I cast a glance back at the garden.

When I grabbed my folded aluminium scooter as I passed in the hallway, the CD had been playing for perhaps half a minute, and apparently it was just the time they'd needed to realise there had been a 'slight' change of music style.

"Matthew!"

I grinned as Rose's scolding reached me just before I closed the front door. What? She had to be more open minded than that. I had no problem in admitting that the old stuff she liked to listen to was good…

Trotting up to the curb, I crouched and unfolded my scooter. No matter what people said, these little things were quite handy. It enabled you to go faster without emitting any weird toxic fumes. And it was noiseless. What more could you ask for? Not that I didn't like noise. Just not that kind of noise.

Just as I stepped onto it, the music inside the house was abruptly turned off. My mouth twitched with disappointment.

'_Right before the good part begins…_'

Sighing, I pushed off the ground with my right foot, propelling myself forwards. The natural slope of the road would do the rest as I headed down towards the sea.

Houses and gardens streamed on either side of me while I moved silently along the deserted street. I strolled into the night without having to think about it. I'd taken that path hundreds of times before, so even with my eyes closed I would still have ended up there. And so gliding from one street light to the next, the wind softly blowing on my face, I let my mind drift...

Define her in three words? Prep spoiled princess.

She'd tried to dress casually this evening, but she obviously didn't shop at Primark. Her father was loaded, and it showed. I'm not saying that she was a detestable snobby snoot either… But it was clear she thought I was some kind of jerk, too crude for her immaculate feathers. And still she seemed really receptive, despite herself. I innerly smiled when I thought about how it must have bugged her. She was quite the blusher.

But, all things considered, I had to admit she wasn't as bland as I'd thought she would be. Her remark about the mailbox, about the two other persons who should have been here but who were in fact long gone… Nobody ever noticed it. Except for me of course, I looked at it every day. And I missed them. Both of them. So she was pretty observant, I'd give her that.

Besides she had good taste in music so far, so she couldn't be that uninteresting. I wished there was a way I could have heard her play the piano. Perhaps one of these day I would, _if_ we ever hung out together of course. 'Play me a piece of music, and I'll tell you who you are'. That was one of the many reasons why I loved musicians, they were easy to read. With ten years of practice behind her, I was sure that she was a respectable pianist.

Nevertheless I hadn't, at any rate, liked her pity. The look I'd seen in her eyes, I'd seen it too often already. It was effortless for me to ignore the venom of all the douchebags who thought I was weird, blah blah blah... But pity, I wouldn't allow it. I wasn't the 'poor boy who had been traumatized by his parents' divorce and who was now forced to live with his delusional grandmother.'

Only I had to admit, if I was being honest with myself, that she had been nice to Rose, and to me, this evening. It was hard to hold a grudge against her when she was being all polite and shy and clumsy. Perhaps I'd overreacted. I'd been all but mean to her before dinner…

Well, I certainly wasn't going to apologize for it now. She was just a neighbour. A hot one for sure, but just a neighbour anyway.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

Now, that was my favorite part of the road. When I was right on the coast and I just had to go along the shore for a couple of minutes before ending up at Chris' place. When the starlight took over the artificial light, and when the air grew saturated with the marine scent of the sea.

Chris lived in a remote cottage that directly overlooked the beach, an inheritance of some kind. Lucky one. Dom had become his roommate a few months earlier and they had suggested that I moved in with them as well. But I couldn't leave Rose alone. It just wouldn't be right, especially since Dom, Chris, Tom and I planned on moving to the capital the following year. After everything that she'd done for me, the least I could do was to stay with her until then. And I was practically already living with Dom and Chris anyway. I spent most of my time crashed at their place, it just wasn't official. And it didn't need to be. Who cared, really?

The best thing about the cottage being remote? First reason was obvious, we could play in his basement all night long if we wanted to, pushing our amps to their screeching limits without ending up with bobbies at our door. The second one was more personal. See, our mayor's organization was so fucked up that even if Chris' house was only half a mile away from the town's official borders, there weren't any street lights around it. So on a night like this one, when there was zero cloud in the sky, the only strong light sources that we had outside was the moon and the stars.

It's not that I was some kind of hopeless romantic, not at all. I just loved nature, and the raw beauty of it.

We'd spent countless nights, high on various psychoactive substances, just lying on the sand and pebbles, gazing up into the skies and reshaping the world our own way. Now, don't be judgy, a spliff or a couple of mushrooms now and then couldn't hurt. All was just about knowing your limits, and when you did, it enabled you to get in touch with a deeper part of yourself.

I'd never been afraid of what I could find in the pit of my subconscious, whether it was good or bad. I believed knowing about it was always better than ignoring it.

Besides, let me tell you that if we had been the ones to write the Holly Books during those nights, Earth would have been a nicer place to live on.

The house came into sight, detaching itself from the background thanks to the light oozing out of the windows, and soon I was able to hear music drifting out of it. I thought I'd recognized 'Bohemian Rhapsody' by Queen.

'_Mmmh, at least _they_ can appreciated good music,_' I thought as the little Metallica incident from earlier came back to my mind.

The knowledge that I was going to be with them in a minute- combined with the great music- set my blood on fire. It was just incredible what we did to each other really, especially after having known each other for so long. I just became another person when I was in the same room than Dom or Chris. They gave me confidence, a purpose, the warm feeling that I wasn't alone in the world.

I stopped in front of the house that was nested between two low grassy hills of sand and I hopped down off my scooter. I didn't take the time to fold it, I just lifted it and all but pounced towards the door, eager to enter my awaiting world.

* * *

title: Long nights - Eddie Vedder

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	11. Welcome to Wonderland

**WELCOME TO WONDERLAND**

*Still MATT'S P.O.V.*

"I BAAAAAAAACK!" I shouted as I rushed to the sofa were Dom was sitting, drinking a Bass Pale Ale, his favorite of the moment. He almost spat his mouthful of beer when I jumped and I landed right next to him, causing the couch to move a few inches back.

"Bloody hell, Matt! Watch it!" he groaned.

"Yeah, yeah," I vaguely answered as I swang my bag away. I comfortably settled on the couch and stretched my legs out on his lap.

Dom looked suspiciously at me. "How come you're in such an awfully good mood?"

I grinned. "Well, you told me about that 'Bourgogne' of yours..."

"It's not _his_ Bourgogne actually, it's mine," Chris had spoken up from the basement. "_And_ it's not just a Bourgogne, it's a Nuit-Saint-George!" he added while climbing stairs, bringing the bottle up with him.

"Yeah I told him," Dom said. "From 1988."

"1988? !" My head snapped up from the couch's armrest and I turned wide eyes and a slack jaw on my friends. "Chris, just _how_ did you...?"

"He wouldn't tell!" Dom complained, cutting me off.

"Well...you're going to tell _me_, aren't you?" I said with a silky voice, eyelashes batting.

Chris chuckled. "Nope!"

"Why not?" Dom and I said at the same time. Dom sounded exasperated, I'd bet he had asked that several times before.

"Because...because it's just none of your business! I mean, I'm already graciously sharing it with you, I don't have to disclose any information!"

Now _that_ was suspicious. I pondered it for a second...

"It's a girl," I finally stated.

"A girl?" Dom arched an eyebrow, looking puzzled. "What're you talking about, Matt? Are you pregnant?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, you dick... A girl offered it to him! That's why he doesn't want to talk about it!" I grinned. I was sure of it now.

"Is that it Chris?" Dom asked eagerly.

Chris just turned bright red and said nothing. We had our answer.

"Wow! Who is it?"  
"Is she hot?"  
"Did you bonk her?"  
"She must be loaded..."  
"How did she found that bottle?"  
"Does she..."  
"Are you two..."

"HEY! Both of you slow down!" Chris barked. "Well yeah it's from a girl, okay? Her name is Kathy and her father is a wine producer."

"...How come you never talked about her, mate?" Dom asked after a second.

"Well, you never asked! And besides we've only been together for three weeks, I met her two month ago when we did our last gig."

Now it was my turn to be puzzled. "You've been together for only three weeks and she gave you a 1988's Nuit-Saint-George...?"

"She really must be into you!" Dom added beaming.

"She...yeah, maybe, I don't know. I think it might get serious, yes..."

"Wow..." Dom and I were bemused.

Chris looked slightly embarrassed. "What?... Don't you two ever think about settling for a while? With a girl I mean."

Dom and I exchanged a look and then we both burst out laughing.

"...Are...are you serious?" I asked, still laughing, when I saw that he didn't seem to find it funny at all. But it was funny, I mean, really...

"Yeah! Seriously, I'm 18 you know! I just want a bit of constancy for a change...as strange as that sentence may seem. And she's really nice by the way."

"I'm sure she is but... Well, I'm 19 and I think I won't settle before a while..." Dom said trying to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, me neither." I winked at Dom before I added: "though I can understand why you'd want it y'know... I mean, free cleaning, regular sex..." Dom and I giggled.

Chris couldn't help smiling too. "Blimey, Matt. You're just...irretrievable."

"Yes, he is, but that's not a scoop," Dom said as he handed me a glass of wine.

I sat straight and took a sip. "God, this is fuckin' delectable... Speaking of girls, guess who I had dinner with tonight?"

"Who?" they chorused. Dom seemed suddenly very interested and Chris was looking at me as if I was about to tell him whether God really existed or not.

I chuckled. I almost wanted to tell them something like 'Queen Victoria' or 'Pamela Anderson'...but I saved them the trouble.

"The chick who was pissed off at us last night," I simply said.

Chris laughed. "The one who's just moved in? Wow Matt, I'm impressed. You didn't waste any time!"

"I didn't do anything! It was Rose's idea!" I defended myself.

"The one from last night? Yeah... Sexy voice, dark blond hair. That's all I could pick out. How's the rest of her?" Dom asked looking interested.

"Er..." I pictured her again. When she had stood by the piano: slender, beautiful hands, nice butt... And during dinner: light green eyes, cute smile, witty... "Not Bad."

Clearly an understatement.

They sniggered. "Not Bad?" Dom ironized. "From the amount of time it took you to answer, I'd say she's bound to be _slightly_ better than 'not bad'!"

"Well...she's probably coming to Charlenne's party friday, so you'll see for yourself," I said before draining my drink.

"Good to know!" Dom said, moistening his lips in a perfectly obscene gesture, grinning from ear to ear.

While I was watching him I suddenly realised that I didn't want him to flirt with her. I didn't know why...I just knew it. But if he did...of which one would I be jealous? Him or her?

* * *

title: Hum? My mind?

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	12. Waiting Patiently

**I AM WAITING PATIENTLY**

_Stil on the same night._

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

"Nina's version's definitely the best one," Chris said. I nodded my agreement.

"Yeah, it's really... James Bond like," Dom added.

I then told them about my idea of using a megaphone to get the third verse a little more dynamic. They both seemed to like the concept. We played for three hours or so and the song was already starting to sound 'Muse-like'. It would be quicker to wraped up at the studio this time because I wouldn't have to write the lyrics.

Around 4 am, and after a few joints and several hysterical laughing fits, we eventually got tired. I could have stayed and slept on their couch but I knew Rose wasn't sleeping peacefully when I wasn't home. She wouldn't admit it but I could tell that she was always a little bit afraid. For herself, for me, I didn't know. But I somehow felt responsible for her...as strange as it could sound.

I took my time during the way back and when I got home it probably was around 5 am.

I past our wooden garden gate and began folding my scooter. While I did so, I caught sight of Jade's front window. I hesitated for a second, wondering if I was in a mood for doing something stupid or not. That tree on the side of her house gave direct access to her room...

And so what? What was I going to do anyway? Spy on her? Scare her? Rape her?

I laughed at myself as I shut the front door behind me.

'_Matt, rule number one: never approach a nice girl when you're stoned._'

I tried to be as noiseless I as could when I climbed up the stairs and opened my room's door. Once inside, I tossed by bag aside (again...poor thing) and I slumped down on my bed.

After a few seconds I found myself thinking about her again. I hadn't realised just how terribly attractive she was until Dom had asked me about her. Before I knew it, I stood by my window, peering into the night. If that damn tree had blocked the view of her room when I had been in the garden, it didn't now. They hadn't put any curtain to her window yet and I was being given a total display of her room's darkness.

I wondered if she was dreaming right now. And what she would be dreaming about... A wave of warmth emanated from the pit of my stomach and I shivered.

What was _wrong_ with me?

I tore myself away from the window and I laid down on my bed again. I was determined to take a cold shower, first thing in the morning.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_A few hours earlier..._

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

Around 11 p.m. we took our leave. My parents, and of course especially my mother, warmly thanked Rose for the delicious meal and the tea that had followed. (Yeah, she drinks tea after dinner. Don't ask me.)

As soon as we got back to our house, I kissed Alex and my parents goodnight and I quickly climbed up the stairs to lock myself in my room. I changed into my pyjamas and comfortably laid on my bed.

My phone in hand, I called Jack back. He picked up on first ring.

"Hello again sweetheart," he said on a cheerful tone.

"Hi, I'm sorry for earlier but we were invited to dinner by our neighbours..." I tried to explain, embarassed.

"It's okay, I understand, you don't have to apologize."

I smiled of relief, I didn't know why, but I had felt extremely guilty when I told him that I couldn't stay long on the phone earlier... Well, to be honest I perfectly knew why.

"So you were right, your mother did go on a...what was it again? Hi-we're-your-new-neighbours tour?" I could almost hear his smile.

"Yeah it was exactly that. And she dragged me along, Alex being too sluggard to accompany her," I sighed.

"'Can't say I'm surprised. Did you meet anyone interesting?"

I bit my bottom lip. "Um... Yeah actually, the ones who live opposite the street are really nice and their daughter's invited me and Alex to a party she's throwing soon..."

"That's great!" He sounded really happy for me. "So they were the ones who invited you tonight?"

'_Damn. I'd better stick to the truth_...' I though guiltily.

"Well no actually, it was the one who lives just next to us. She's an adorable old lady, and her grandson is staying with her."

"That nice..." fortunately he didn't ask how old was the grandson in question. I knew he wasn't the jealous type, contrary to me, but this time he would be right to be.

We chated for hours, time always seemed to be flying when I was talking to him. Alex had used to tease me about it, he didn't understand how we could still have so many things to say to each other when we spent all our time together. And the fact that we _hadn't_ spent the last two days together didn't help. We talked about everything and nothing at the same time and soon I wasn't thinking about Matthew at all anymore.

Still, after a while- gee, I didn't know how long, but it sure was a long time- I completely failed at trying to muffle a yawn.

"It's late honey, I should let you sleep," he gently said.

"But I don't want to," I pouted.

He chuckled softly. "I know, I don't want to either but it's almost 5 am."

"What? Already? ! That's not fair..."

"No, it's not..."

We were silent for a minute and then I couldn't hold any longer.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too," he answered right away. "God, I miss you... I know it sounds cheesy but it's like you took my heart away with you."

"Believe me, I know what you mean."

"So...I call you back tomorrow?"

"Okay," I sighed.

"Goodnight my love."

"Goodnight..." And then he'd hung up.

I stared at my ceiling for a while. Shit it hurt. I wasn't devastated but I felt...empty. Jack and I'd only together for a few months but it was the first guy I'd really fallen for. He was so charming, so loving, so perfect...and not here. I cast my phone away out of frustration (and would regret it later...) and I curled up into a ball. Not a good idea. The position itself made me feel miserable. I sat up instead and dreamily look out of the window.

As I was slowly emerging from my reverie I realised that I'd been staring at one of Rose's house window. It was on the first floor and the angle of view was so that the oak didn't hide it. It suddenly hit me that there was a possibility it was Matthew's room window... I looked down at the street, wondering if he had come home yet. If he was coming home at all tonight...

Ugh! I didn't want to be thinking about him right now! I cleared my mind of him, turn off the light and I got under the sheets. After a moment, I finally managed to fall asleep.

The rest of the night would have certainly gone otherwise if I had waited just a couple of minutes more...

* * *

title: 'Exo-Politics'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	13. Shared in the Heat of the Afternoon

**SHARED IN THE HEAT OF THE AFTERNOON**

"Here I come!" was the only warning Alex gave us before bombing into the swimming-pool, sending a million droplets up in the air.

"Alex!" I shrieked as Charlenne and I jumped back to avoid being soaked. Charlenne giggled.

'_He's lucky she's an easy-going girl,_' I thought.

"It's okay," she said, smiling at me. She probably didn't want me to dress him down afterwards.

Charlenne and I were having a sunbath, comfortably lying down on deck chairs, just by her pool. She had come to our house this morning to invite my brother and I. The thermometer was really hot today and I couldn't say I wasn't enjoying the coolness of the pool's water. My parents had gone downtown with Rose for the afternoon. I hope they wouldn't get a sunstroke...

Alex was splashing around with Charlenne's sister, Lise. She was 19 years old and obviously attracted to him. It had annoyed me at first, to see her hang around him like that, but she had actually come to me and asked permission to be flirty with him. That had been a first! No one ever asked me that before...I had chuckled and told her I didn't mind. And it was true, as soon as she had asked me I hadn't mind. And my brother _was_ gorgeous so...she had excuses.

As I wiped my red wayfarers, I watched him beam at her. He wasn't gonna stop bragging about it...having an older girl fancying him.

"They seem to be getting along rather well," Charlenne remarked, winking at me.

I smiled back. I was really starting to like her. She was lively, frank and friendly. I was actually glad I could get to know her better before her party. I wasn't particulary shy but walking into a party where you know no one... It's not always that easy.

"So...how many people are there gonna be friday?" I asked.

"Ouh! I dunno, it can be thirty people like it can be a three hundreds!" she answered laughing. "That's why everyone has to bring something to eat or to drink."

I stared at her in amazement.

"Yeah... Maybe I should have told you about that. See it's like a...custom around here. We all throw a lot of soirees and especially at the begining a high school year. I suppose it helps sweetening the pill you know, with the holidays being over and everything. Anyway, I just officially invited a dozen of my friends but it's their job to spread the message. And the people they're telling are gonna tell their friends... You get the idea."

"Oh...right. That nice. I've never done that before," I said. "So, I understand that there is a pretty good atmosphere around here."

"Well, globably yes. But there are some groups here and there. A few idiots thinks they are in some Shakespear play, they'd liked to provok a feud of some kind. I personally try to be as neutral as possible but It can be tricky..." she trailed off.

"Why?" I asked, frowning, as I put my glasses back on my nose.

"Well, being neutral means that anyone can come at your parties and sometimes it's not so good to have people who dislike each other in the same room. But if anything happens they know I'll just throw them out so... I basically make sure they stay quiet," she said, giving me a reassuring smile.

Later on I accompanied her to her kitchen to get some drinks for ourselves and for our squealing brother and sister. I made use of being alone with her to ask her something I didn't want Alex to eavesdrop.

"Hey, do you know the guy who's living next door to me, Matthew?" I asked, trying my best to sound casual. But still, I felt my skin prickle at the thought of him.

"Matt? Oh sure I know him!" she answered laughing. "Why? has he been bothering you?" She frowned.

"No! Not at all, it's just... His grandmother, Rose, she invited me and my familly to dinner last night."

"Oh, okay. Yeah she's adorable. But he can be a dick with girls sometimes, that why I asked..." She looked a bit embarassed for having jumped to conclusions.

"Will he be here friday?" Again, I tried not to sound hopeful or anything, especially since we were at Alex and Lise's hearing range again.

"Mmmm I guess so. I texted Dom about it so if Dom's coming Matt will come too. And Chris also I 'spose."

"Oh... Okay." It was all greek to my ears. Who was Dom? Who was Chris?

Charlenne chukled, apparently I hadn't done a good job at hiding my ignorance.

"I'm sorry, I forget just how new you are." She smiled but she wasn't mocking me. "Dom and Chris are Matt's best friends.  
Specially Dom, he's almost like his boyfriend or something. If I didn't have tangible proof that they are both extremely heterosexual, I might doubt their sexuality I must say..."

I raised an eyebrow. I knew it was supposed to enlighten me but I was more and more confused. What did she mean by Matthew... 'Matt' and Dom having a strange relationship? And what proof was she talking about? Had she slept with one of them? With both of them?

"The three of them form a band by the way," she added matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, that I know, he told us," I said, happy to be aware of something.

"I'm sure he did. He probably showed off his musical skills too," she chuckled as she tossed cans to Alex and Lise. Fortunately they were far too engrossed with each other to pay any attention to our conversation.

"Um, no, not really. He didn't have the opportunity thought," I answered.

"Really?" She looked surprised. "That strange... 'Cause that's something he has every right to be boasting about, you know. He's like, _really_ good." She obviously meant it. I was suddenly disappointed, I wished he had shown off a bit...

I could see she was trying to fathom from my expression what I was thinking so I just voiced my thoughts.

"You know I can lend you 'Showbiz' till friday if you want," she answered. "It's their first album."

My jaw dropped. "You mean... You mean they've already released an album? But they're like...super young!"

She laughed softly as she took a sip from her drink. "Well they're about the same age than us, Dom is just a year older. And, well, they haven't really release the album yet, but some of their singles are already out there and I think they've been selling a good number of copies. Actually the boys gave me this CD for my birthday and it's a preview of Showbiz. I think they're already working on their second album right now but I haven't heard any of it's tracks yet."

"Woah... Well, thanks. I'm pretty curious to hear what they're capable of I must say," I replied.

We changed the subject after that and the rest of the afternoon went uneventful apart from an 'air mattress pile-up' contest Alex kicked off.

Around sunset we finally took our leave.

"Oh wait, the album! I almost forgot!" Charlenne said before racing back inside. Alex, Lise and I were waiting for her in the front yard. Or _I_ was waiting anyway, starting to chill as I wore nothing more than a wet long t-shirt over my swimsuit. Alex and Lise were just staring into each other's eyes as a perfectly dumb smile spread on their faces.

I was about to sigh 'Lovestruck morons' but I reconsidered at the last second, turning around and hiding it in a caugh. That's when I saw Matthew- 'Matt' I reminded myself- walking up the street towards his house.

He was with one of his friend, tall, dark semi long hair, I didn't know if it was Dom or Chris. As soon as I saw them I turned round hastily and I felt myself blush to the roots of my hair. Hopefully it was getting dark and it wasn't so noticeable but I was sure they _would_ notice me being half naked on the street if they looked at me. I put my glasses back on, knowing that it was pretty ridiculous considering the light now but they made me feel more...dressed.

I sighed with relief when Charlenne chose that moment to reappear with the album.

"There you go!" she said, panting and smiling.

I thanked her for the CD and for the great afternoon we had spent and grabbed Alex arm, almost dragging him across the street.

Then, when we were at our door, I fumbled with the keys and felt two stares burning holes in my back. Fortunately five seconds later I was in the safe haven of my house again.

* * *

**And by the way, I_ know_ that Matt didn't live with his grandmother anymore when the boys recorded Showbiz... But, hey, in the word fanfiction, there is fiction. ^^**

title: I love you always for ever - Donna Lewis

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	14. Showbiz

Okay, this isn't a real chapter... It's more like a very nerdic, crazy, eulogistic prose about Showbiz. ^^

* * *

**SHOWBIZ**

First thing I did after coming home was to take a long hot shower. To rinse off the chlorine of course but also to relax the tense muscles of my back. I didn't know why I was so edgy at the moment. Maybe it was the stress of the moving... Or maybe it was because I was growing a little bit too obsessed with my neighbour for my liking...

'_It's not obsession, it's just sheer curiosity,_' I tried to convince myself as I let the water run on my face as if it would wash away any negative thought.

After a moment I got out of the shower before I'd drain the whole hot-water tank. I put on a bathrobe and went into my bedroom while drying my hair with a towel. I was careful not to expose myself at the windows since they didn't have any curtains yet.

"I'll have to do something about that..." I muttered to myself.

Then I rummaged through my stuff till I found my old CD player. I certainly wasn't going to play their album through my speakers knowing they would hear. And I didn't want Alex to hear either anyway. I stuck my headphones in my ears, lay down on my bed and played the first song.

Alright, first thing: piano. And quite a beautiful piano part. Not hard to play but still nice. Then he started singing. Wow. I hadn't expected that. He had a really pleasant voice, it was...enveloping. And It was really different from his 'normal' voice unless I hadn't paid any attention... I totally loved the track, the lyrics were powerful, full of meaning, and the bass line was amazing, the song as a whole was none less than bewitching.

I almost wanted to replay it when it was over but the first notes of the second song stoped me dead. My lips broke into a small smile instantly. I checked the name of this one: Muscle Museum. Weird name. Perfect rythme. I was sort of getting high while listening to it, staring past the ceiling, keeping on smiling.

The next ones were just as good. Third one was a little more common but good nonetheless. Fourth was absolutely beautiful, the music and his voice were soft and tender at first but the lyrics were heartbreaking. I guessed they had been through pretty hard times at the beginning... Well, I was sure they were going to have the recognition they deserved one day and they'd get back to all the ones that hadn't believed in them. And apparently Matt was thinking the same thing when he had written the ending, 'Now the world is upside down I'm heading straight for the clouds'. Or at least that was how I understood it.

Now to the fifth... I basically was humming "come in my caaaaaaaaaaaaaaave" by the end of the song. Pretty impressive vocals... And that piano solo just gave me goosebumps!

Showbiz. I quickly understood why it was the name of the album too. At the beginning I just loved the amerindian vibe but then... If I had found cave's vocal impressive, it just blew my mind in Showbiz. At the end of the song Matt's voice began to climb in an incredible falsetto hitting an insanely high note.

"Holly shit!" I said outloud.

I paused the song and rush down the stairs heading straight to the piano. My mother and Alex jumped when I flashed past them while they were quietly chatting in the living room. Not mentioning that I was still wearing nothing else than my underwears and a bathrobe...

"Hum, is there a problem?" Alex asked puzzled.

"No, no, it's nothing," I answered absent-mindedly as I sat down in front of the piano.

'_It's like, a super high note for a guy, fifth octave._'

I began trying different notes and comparing it to the one in the song until I finally found one that was close: G#5. Or A5 maybe, I wasn't be entirely sure.

"Wow. Just, wow," I muttered to myself, in complete awe.

I stood up and went back to my bedroom mesmerized and totally oblivious to my mother and brother who were looking at me with worried expressions on their faces.

'_He must have strange vocal cords to be able to sing like that... Or he's been training since he was a baby..._'

I finished listening to the album witout any interruption after that. And I did recognized the lyrics of Sober and Overdue has as the ones that Matt had 'sung' that first night...

'_It's better when he's not drunk,_' I thought, smiling.

My arms under my head and still staring at the ceiling I sighed when the last song ended. After a moment I took the album jacket and went over the songs again. Unintended was wonderful though slightly depressing. Uno was absolutely great, very 'tango-ish'... In summary they were ALL great.

...

I had a freaking future legend living next door.

* * *

**You know, I've just realised that my piano (a 77 keys) doesn't have a G#5 lol.**

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	15. Dance of the Little Swans

I'm sure you've understood that Kathy is a sort of hidden Kelly... But there will be no Kelly, nor Jessica or Gaia in this story. I already feel bad enough for having 'borrowed' three people's life lol.

* * *

**DANCE OF THE LITTLE SWANS**

_An hour earlier._

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

"I _never_ said that!" I exclaimed, trying to sound categorical and not to laugh.

"Yes you did, I heard you. And Dom confirmed it," Chris answered, looking annoyed.

"You were both sloshed! You misunderstood me that's all," I retorted.

"No we didn't! You _did_ say that you would gladly screw Kathy if she provided you with a champagne jacuzzi!"

I couldn't hold myself this time, I burst out of laughing madly.

"That's NOT funny! It's my girlfriend we're talking about here!" he scolded, his voice rising.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry." My voice was deformed by the effort of holding back my giggles.

We walked quietly for a moment, Chris was sulking and I was replaying the previous night in my head, trying to remember when I could have let this slip out.

I was deep in thought when Chris deigned talk to me again. "Hey, that's Jade, isn't it?" he said.

It was enough to get my attention back to the present. My head snapped up and I immediatly spoted her. She was in Charlenne's front yard with her brother and Lise. And she was rather slightly dressed up...

"Nice glasses..." I commented when I watched her cross the street.

"...and nice outfit," Chris added, voicing my thoughts.

"Hey! What about your brand new fiancée?" I quipped.

"What? Getting an eyeful isn't a crime, is it now?" he said, not sounding guilty at all.

"Not when it suits you..." I grumbled.

We got to my door at the same time she got to hers. Apparently she was having some difficulties with her keys so I took my time, enjoying the view... Chris grinned at me when he understood what I was doing. But too soon she disappeared into her house and her brother closed the door behind them.

I sighed, which made Chris chuckle, and finally opened the door.

"Woa, it's smells wonderful Rose," Chris exclaimed, sniffing the air before delicately hugging gran.

She smiled. "Thank you, Christopher," she replied, using his whole name like she always did with all of us. "It's..."

"PASTA!" I interrupted her gleefully after having lifted the pan's lid.

During dinner we talked a bit about Dom and his date of the night, a chick who'd been fancying him for months. He would stay with her a few weeks and then he'd let her down as soon as he'd find another one. As always. And I also told Gran about Feeling Good, I knew she loved this song. I didn't want to screw it up.

After dinner we lazed in the garden, I watched Chris smoke his pipe and I wondered just know how he could enjoy that... I mean, it was stylish for sure, but the smell...eurk. I was about to ask him about it when I heard a barely audible melody.

At first I thought I was hearing voices but then the tune became more confident and I recognized a piano tone.

"Do you hear that?" I asked Chris as I stood up.

"Yeah... Comes from there," he said, pointing at the fence that was connecting our garden to Jade's with his pipe.

The fence was a little bit higher than me so I jumped up, trying to see something. But it was useless so I sighed and shot a meaningful look at Chris.

"What?" he asked on the defensive, still not moving.

"Well help me up, I can't see anything!" I explained.

He chuckled. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh come on, I just want to see who's playing," I almost pleaded.

He eventually stood and came to the fence. But instead of lifting me up, as I had expected him to, he cast a glance over the fence and said with the most annoying tone: "MMMmmmm that's interesting..."

"Chriiiis!" I whined. It only made him giggle again.

I huffed and stared at him, searching for something to say that didn't include obscene shouting.

"Get down, you're going to scare one of them," I finally said without looking at him.

"What? Why would I scare them?" he asked puzzled.

"Because anyone would be scared of a stalking wookiee!" I replied patronizingly.

"Wookiee yourself," he mumbled, tucking his thick hair behind his ears.

I stared at him again for a long minute.

"You're not going to be of any help," I finally stated.

"Nope. I guess this is me getting back at you for what you said last night," he confirmed, crossing his arms.

My eyes shot him daggers. "Fine," I slowly articulated as I started to seek for something to climb on. I chose the less decomposed log I could find in my surroundings.

"I should have done that in the first place..." I grumbled as I perched myself on it.

As I had suspected, and hoped, it was Jade's playing. I could only glimpse her back but there was no mistaking. She was playing a light, playful song. It was lovely. And quite famous.

"I know that piece..." I muttered to myself.

"Isn't it from the Swan Lake?" Chris whispered as if they could suddenly hear us.

"Yes! It's exactely that. Dance of the Little Swans." How come he knew that? I looked at him intrigued.

When he noticed my stare he raised an eyebrow in response. "Did you think you were the only one who listened to classical?"

I just looked back at Jade. She had stopped playing. Too bad it was such a short song. And when I saw her stand up I understood it was all I would get for the moment. I jumped down my roost and went back inside, not waiting for Chris.

"Are you angry with me, Bells?" he asked while he followed me to the kitchen.

I didn't answer, didn't even look at him. I opened the fridge and took a bottle. As I uncaped it near the sink I heard him open the fridge in turn. Then I turn round and I eyeballed him. He just gazed back at me with an innocent expression on his face. I wasn't sulking actually, I was plotting my revenge. But since nothing was coming to my mind at the moment I decided it would have to wait.

"No, I'm not angry," I answered, breaking into a grin.

He didn't looked convinced.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_Five minutes earlier._

*JADE P.O.V.*

"Please honey, you haven't played for so long..." My mother was trying to coax me into playing piano. That was rare, because I usually didn't need any inducement. But since I'd listened to Showbiz, I felt like any thing I would play would sound dull...

But I wanted to please her so... I chose the shortest song I could think of. And I knew she would love it since she had danced in ballets for many years when she was younger.

I let my hands skip softly on the piano keys since it was sort of a jittery song. And I had to admit that I felt a little bit more confident in my playing after that. Perhaps I didn't suck at playing the piano after all. Of course Matt was probably annoyingly better but still, I didn't suck.

Later on that evening, I sluggishly climbed on the stairs thinking about what I could possibly do with my time before going to bed. Jack was having a drink with some friends that night and I didn't want to bother him by calling him. They would probably end up in a nightclub. I was hoping he wasn't going to meet a bimbo...

I stopped when I was upstairs, a bit at loss with where to go next.

"Idle?"

I turned around to see Alex leaning against the wall, watching me with a small smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah... I hate not knowing what to do with myself," I confessed.

"Come on, let's watch something," he offered.

"Like what?"

"I don't know... Dances with Wolves maybe?" he said grinning. I smiled back. He knew it was one of my favorite movies.

I settled on the floor couch in his room while he turned his flat screen on. His 18th birthday's present. He'd been spoiled this year. The screen wasn't that large but it still had been a hallelujah sort of gift.

I rested my head on my twin's shoulder and relaxed, determined to enjoy the film with him without thinking about anything else than Kevin Costner, wolves and indians. My parents interrupted us just a minute to kiss us goodnight.

As soon as the film ended, images of my new young neighbour flooded my brain and I tensed again. Dammit, I needed more powerful distractions...

That's when Alex asked me out of the blue: "you really have a crush on him, don't you?"

He wasn't teasing me or anything, he'd spoken softly, seriously. Almost compassionately. He didn't need to specify who was 'him'. I perfectly knew who he was talking about. And he knew I knew. I remembered the way I had reacted when I had seen Matt clearly for the first time...

"Yes," I simply answered. I sighed and he wraped his arm around my shoulders and rested his head on mine.

I guessed it would have come out anyway, eventually...

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

Chris had left a few minutes earluer and I was back in my room, strumming lazily on my guitar with my headphones on. It was the only one that I kept here. All the others were at Chris' place. I wasn't playing anything in particular, just improvising and daydreaming.

And I was still searching for a way to get back at Chris without declaring war.

'_Itching powder in his sheets? No. Too violent._'

'_Switching his toothpast for a tube of harissa?... Too obvious._'

'_Tell his girl about his flatulency nature?' _

I grinned to myself._ 'Yeah that might be a good one_.'

Suddenly part of my mind noticed that I was playing a strangly familiar melody.

'_Am I playing Swan Lake on electric guitar?_'

My eyebrows shot up. Gee, I'd never thought I was _that_ suggestible.

Actually... I tried it again... it sounded really good. Now, that was interesting... Though before I could go any further with it, and explore that new interesting tune, my phone bipped. It was a text from Dom.

*About to get laid right now.*

I sighed.

*Don't forget ur budy Durex...*

What else did he want me to say anyway? 'Good luck' ?

He answered after a minute. *Sorry for the delay. I'm buzy. Did I mention she's a contortionist?*

Now he was just getting on my bloody nerves. *Fuck U* I replied.

*I'll do just that :D*

I turned off my phone after that, not wanting to read his bragging texts any longer. Yeah, he was getting laid, so what? It wasn't like I was still a virgin myself...

Before my phone's screen went black I noticed the time: 00:23. We were friday.

* * *

title: Tchaikovsky

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	16. Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

A new chapter online today, earlier than what was planned but I'm using the opportunity to clear something up:

The story takes place... now. Even if the boys are still in their teens. That's why everyone have cell phones, that's why Jade has an I-pod... That's why the characters are listening to songs that weren't out yet when Matt and Chris were 18. That's why I'm making them release Showbiz earlier than what really happened (I think...).

Remember, fanFICTION guys ;-)

Thanks to jadecatbellamy882 and LilyTheAnnoyance for the reviews :-)

* * *

**IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT (1/4) Can't take my eyes off of you**

*JADE'S P.O.V*

I checked myself out in the mirror one more time. I had gone downtown this afternoon with my mother and I had used the opportunity to buy a new dress. She had insisted on finding a purple one, it would compliment my green eyes so she'd said.

I bit my lip as I examined my reflexion. It was a _really_ bright violet. I wasn't used to wearing flashy colors like that. At least I had chosen the shape, it was short, ample and not to revealing. At least not above the belt. And pure cotton, thank you very much! I fumbled with my hair for a minute and finally decided to let them loose.

Alex was getting impatient about how long it was taking me to get ready.

"Oh come on, you don't need that!" he complained when he saw me put some eye-liner on.

"That's sweet...but...unfortunately...not true," I slowly answered, trying to stay focused. I was so close to the mirror that I was probably eyes-crossed right now.

"Why do girls think they have to put make-up on to be attractive, huh?" he whined.

I could have answered that it was society pressure, magazines, TV shows, etc. Or that guys sometimes think some girls are pretty without make-up just because they wear natural make-up and the 'male sex' is totally oblivious to it... But I knew he wasn't upset because I was underestimating my looks but because I was slowing him down. And I didn't want to get distracted anyway.

So I simply answered: "that's one of the great mysteries that the Y chromosome will never be able to unravel." Albeit five minutes later I was putting an end to his 'insufferable waiting'.

"I still don't know why you want to show up so early though," I remarked as he rang the bell opposite the street.

He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a vehement: "COME IN, THE DOOR'S OPENED!"

As soon as I heard Lise's voice I knew the answer. "Right. You're going to spend all evening with her and you're going to leave me all alone!" I accused him.

"Of course not! I don't know what you're talking about," he said, falsely hurt. "And turning up early will allow us to...bound with people, you know..." He wasn't very convincing.

There were already four or five people by the pool, some volonteers who had helped with tidying up and putting away all fragil trinkets. Charlenne welcomed me with a brillant smile and introduced me to her friends. She left us to get acquainted as she took the soda bottle we'd bought to the kitchen. First thing I noticed was that overall, boys were friendlier than girls. Especially one good looking guy named Adrian.

"Be careful he's a ladykiller," A short girl warned me. "I'm Emily by the way, Charlenne's best friend." I smiled at her. She was quite hearty but I couldn't help but notice the possessive connotation.

After five minutes I had already forgotten most of their names.

'_This one's Mark...or is it Anthony? Pffff... Suzanne, Maggie, Frank... There's too many new names to register._'

I was nervous but I had always been a party girl so tonight wasn't going to be an exception.

I had a few drinks and sooner or later I was engaged in a heated conversation about Rock vs. Pop with Adrian, Emily and...two or three other persons. I was giggling when Alex tapped on my shoulder and handed me a glass.

"See? You're doing pretty well," he told me smiling.

"Yep, how about you?" I asked taking a sip.

"Well..." I followed his gaze to where Lise was standing with some friends of hers. She was eyeing him greedily. And so were her friends. When they noticed we were staring back at them their eyes darted away quicky, and they all seemed a bit to be embarrassed.

I chuckled. "Wow, you've got some groupies, Brad Pitt."

Then the music started to play. Martin Solveig. This was going to be some night!

I drained my drink, "let's party!".

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

"Could you please move your smelly feet out of the way?" I glared at Matt.

"Shhh... Pay attention to the road," he shushed me, not moving an inch.

Now, okay, maybe his feet weren't smelling- at least not throught his shoes- but they were annoyingly resting on the dashboard. Of _my_ car for Christ's sake! I groaned and Chris, at the back of the car, chuckled.

"Why don't you say something instead of laughing your arse off? Do you want us to crash?" I scolded, looking at him throught the rear view mirror.

Matt theatrically sighed. "Don't be a fussy, sweety, we're here anyway," he sighed as he- finally- pulled his feet down.

"Don't call me sweety..." I grumbled as I parked in front of Matt's house.

More than a dozen cars were parked in the area and the music's volume doubled when we opened the doors.

"Wow, the neighbors aren't gonna have a lot of sleep!" Chris commented, rising his voice above the noise.

"That's the whole point." Matt grinned and he strutted over to a group of girls who were chatting and smoking in Charlenne's front yard. They welcomed him with giggles or shy smiles.

I really wondered how he was doing it... I mean I didn't have trouble getting a bit of skirt in my bed but I was 'working' kinda hard for it. He, on the contrary, just needed to be himself and they were all falling for him. Well not _all_...but an awfully lot of them still. Maybe it was just the tight fitted tops and spicky hair... Who knew what was happening inside babes' minds nowadays?

I almost had to drag him inside as he was chatting a cute girl up. I flashed my most brilliant smile to her on the way and she blushed furiously. Well, at least I wasn't losing my touch either.

"Hi boys!" Charlenne made her way throught the crowd towards us.

"Well, hello beautiful," I told her while hugging her. "You look dashing," I added, picking up a glass of mojito some guy had just prepared.

She laughed. "Thanks, but you haven't even looked at me," she said whilst greeting Matt and Chris who had already found drinks too.

"Yes I have honey..." I started to answer but Matt interrupted me as he put his arms around her shoulders. "No he hasn't but he doesn't need to, 'cause you're always stunning dear."

My eyes narrowed. Was this gonna to be a challenge night? She even reddened! Charlenne blushing was not something I'd seen often... Well, except when she was listening to music. But it were blushes of excitement, not embarassement.

She chuckled and kissed Matt on the cheek before disappearing into the crowd again. I huffed and Matt noticed.

"That was completly genuine," he told me with a sincere smile. I felt myself relax.

'_No need to turn the rivalry mode on then._'

As always the three of us stuck together for a while but it didn't stop us from having a good laugh with other people. Matt, Lise and some bloke even broke into hysterical laughing when Chris dressed up like Madonna, wearing a blond wig and presenting us his own interpretation of 'Like a Virgin'...

"I'm gonna check out the dancefloor," Matt suddenly stated after a time as he jumped down the table he'd been sitting on cross-legged.

"Mm... coming with you..." I spluttered between two crisps.

We zigzaged amonsgt the groups of people sitting here and there till we reach the back garden and the pool. The music was louder in here.

'I Love New York' by Madonna began playing. I laughed and turned to Matt. "Speakin' of the devil..." But he wasn't listening.  
He had frozen and was staring straight ahead not even blinking. "Matt? Hello?..." I snapped fingers just before his eyes.

When he didn't react I followed his stare and froze in turn. Impossibly long legs dancing around...silky hair, perfect face, perfect body... Anonymous Beauty jumped up with all the others when the song exploded.

...Radiant.

"Who's this?" I heard myself breathed out.

"That's Jade..." a ginger guy next to me said, so softly that I barely heard him. He was dreamily gazing at her.

Okay, the three of us were probably looking like a bunch of fucking idiots right now. '_Get a grip Dom!_' I shouted at myself as I shook my head. I turned to Matt and gave him a big slap on his back to snap him out of it. It worked, but not as radically as I'd hoped. He still looked hooked.

"Not bad? !... You said she was not bad? !'" I almost accused him. "Matt, she's...craking!"

He seemed to be searching for something to say...but nothing came out of his mouth.

* * *

title: 'I love New York' - Madonna + 'Can't take my eyes off of you'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	17. You Bully From A Distance

Since the next chapter's ready... I can't resist putting in online today ^^.

And for the record, some of you may notice that I've been inspired by one of Matt's interview in that chapter. :-)

* * *

**IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT (2): You bully from a distance**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

Dom was staring at me, waiting for me to say something but I just wasn't seeing him. My mind was blank for a couple of seconds.  
"I need a drink. Now." I turned round and rushed back inside the house feeling like a culprit fleeing the crime scene.

Dom said something that I didn't listen to as I ran my hands over my face. I went straight to the bar and imbibed shot after shot. I'd managed to stay pretty sober until now...but I wasn't driving so I didn't care.  
While the alcohol burnt its way down to my stomach my brain was paradoxically able to function again.

I didn't like the way I was starting to feel about her. And I hated not being in control. No one should ever hold that kind of power over me.

But she hadn't done anything to me, so it would be unfair to be mean or bad-tempered around her just to protect myself! '_I'll just ignore her then. And if I can't... then I'll do my best to see her as a friend and nothing more._'

Well if _she_ wanted a bit more I doubted that I'd able to resist bedding her but that would be all. I wouldn't let her go anywhere near my heart. If there was something I had learnt during my short life it was that those kinds of passions bring nothing but pain.

I drained my fifth - and hopefully last - shot and I glanced around, looking for Dom. He was nowhere to be seen. Before I could decide if I was going to search for him or not, I heard Chris's distinctive laugh somewhere near.

I found him flushed and sprawling on a couch, surrounded by girls and still wearing his platinum wig.  
"My savior..." I sighed as I flopped down next to him.

He looked at me, a bit stumped for a second, but then he burst out laughing again and pulled me close,  
looking like he was going to laugh to death. And all the girls around us were chortling too. I couldn't help giggling in turn.

What had they all smoked for Christ's sake? !

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

"Piouf, I need some air," I exclaimed, tucking sticky locks of hair behind my ear.

Charlenne laughed and Emily gently mocked me. "But we're already outside!"

"Outside...the crowd," I panted, grinning. I hadn't had that much fun in years!

Adrian came close to me and leaned in to speak, so that I would be the only one to hear "Do you want me to come with you?" he asked seductively.

Damn. I _had_ told him I wasn't single. I'd have to state the record straight if he kept pushing me. "No thanks," I answered firmly, but still smiling such that I wouldn't offend him. He looked disappointed but didn't insist.

As I made my way through the crowd, I spotted Alex, who was dancing _very_ close to Lise. I got behind him and vigorously tousled his hair. "Damn it, you...woman!" he groaned, turning to face me and battling with his hair.

What kind of repartee was that? ! I began laughing uncontrollably. "...Come...come again?" I managed to say, my sides hurting from laughing. I had to break into a run when he began chasing me and telling me I would end up in the pool. Luckily he gave up when I made it out of the dancefloor.

I bent over for a second, catching my breath. Then I found a plastic chair and dragged it behind the huge speakers, so that my ears would have some rest. When a French song that I knew began playing I sang along, massaging my jaw that was hurting from too much smiling.

"Hello there."

I looked up to see a handsome blonde standing next to me, his hands in his pockets and a charming smile on his lips.  
He looked familiar, but I was sure I would have remembered a guy who was dressed so...awkwardly. Pink skinny jeans, leopard belt, black shirt...

"Hi...I love your belt!" I said and giggled right away; I couldn't believe I had actually said that... I was far too excited tonight.

"Thanks! I love it too." He laughed as he sat astride on a chair just next to me.

I sighed in contentment, not feeling quite myself and turned to him, still smiling. For a couple of seconds he just stared back at me, beaming. Then he extended his hand and said, "I'm Dom." I was about to shake his hand but he brought mine to his lips and kissed it. I was too tipsy to be embarrassed, so I just chuckled once more.

"I'm Jade."

"I know," he replied, smiling mysteriously.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

She was delightful. Her drinking made her pleasantly mellow but she still had a lot of conversation and an impressive aplomb. After a few minutes I had grown quite fond of her.

We were deep in conversation about France and red wine (though I didn't know as much as Matt on the subject...) when the ginger guy interrupted us.

"Can I help you?" Jade asked him as he was staring at her, looking like he wanted to say something.

"Eh...yes...I...eh... would you... like something to drink?" he finally stuttered out. I bit my tongue to avoid laughing. '_What a jerk..._'

"Hum, me? Ah...sure, why not..." she answered, a bit taken aback. All of a sudden her face lit up and she turned to me. "What do _you_ wanna drink?" she asked me, grinning from ear to ear.  
I smiled back, liking where this was going...contrary to the redhead, who didn't seem very pleased.

"I'll have a mojito," I told her.

"Good choice! Two mojitos please!" She flashed such an irresistible smile to the ginger that I suddenly wanted to be the one to bring her something to drink.

"Come with me, my friends are inside," I told her as soon as he'd left. I stood up and reached for her hand.

She seemed hesitant. "Wait, what about him?"

"The ginger dwarf? !" She laughed. "Oh come on, he's a pillock!" I added as I led her inside with me.

I found Matt and Chris sitting on a couch in a corner of the living room, it turned out that it was Matt's sporadic outbursts of giggling that had led me to them. Five or six people were animatedly chatting with them, with a majority of girls. Apparently Matt liked the topic of their conversation 'cause he was sitting straight, talking fast and using his hands a lot. He usually did that when he was talking about something he found interesting.

"...You know wha' I mean... Men can't take over..." he was saying, "it would just beat you up, big waves, big mountains, big..." He stopped short when he noticed us.

"Hi there!" I said merrily. "This is Jade," I announced as proudly as if I'd just found the Atocha's treasure.

They all stared at us and I felt Jade tensed next to me. In fact everyone was looking at her, since I had just introduced her. Everyone but Matt. He was glaring at _me_, his eyes lit with a cold, murderous glow. '_What's his problem? !_'  
He looked so furious that he actually managed to make me feel uncomfortable. "Uh...yeah so...keep going," I gibbered as I made my way toward an overcrowded sofa opposite the one Matt and Chris were sitting on. I was still holding Jade's hand and I inwardly cursed Matt for making me look like an idiot in front of her.

"Budge up," I snapped to a guy that I vaguely knew and who was ogling Jade's pretty legs.  
Matt had made me pissed off and that guy was being so indelicate that I had to try quite hard not to punch him in the face...

Once we were seated, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and tried to soothe her a bit. She looked like she wanted to dig herself a hole and pull the dirt in after her. '_Damn him for having brought that worried look on her face!_' I raged. 'Cause I _knew_ it was Matt's fault.

"Are you okay?" I asked as I gently squeezed her.

"Yeah...I..." she moistened her lips and lowered her voice. "I just hadn't realized you were..._ that_ Dom".  
That Dom? What was she talking about? Matt's Dom? '_Oh for Fuck's sake make her forget about Matt right now! ...Actually...I may as well take advantage of that._'

I grinned and spoke loudly enough for him to be able to hear me. "That Dom? If you're talking about the gentleman who made that scatterbrain over there shut the hell up a few nights ago so that you could have some sleep...then yeah, that'd be me!"

In that instant I was given a perfect illustration of what you can call 'the communicating vessels'. While Jade's mood improved a little, I felt Matt's darkening even more. On the one hand she smiled and relaxed against me, and on the other hand it was like I'd almost heard Matt telepathically shout 'I'm gonna poison you in your sleep tonight'.

But I had made her lively again; that was all that mattered for now. I'd deal with Matt later.

Rivalry mode on after all.

* * *

title: I love New York - Madonna + Escape

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been edited and proofread by **LilyTheAnnoyance**. :-)


	18. And Forcing Me To Strive

Here's a new chapter! I hope you enjoy :-)

* * *

**IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT (3): And Forcing Me To Strive**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

'_Poker face. Poker face. Poker face..._' I glared at Dom, wishing looks could kill. '_I'm gonna tear him limb from limb_...'

'_Nop. That doesn't help. Poker face, poker face..._'

I closed my eyes and slowly exhaled. When I opened them again he still had his filthy hands on her but I managed to keep a straight face. I was unreadable. I had to be.

"...If you're talking about the gentleman who made that scatterbrained over there shut the hell up a few nights ago so that you could have some sleep...then yeah, that'd be me!"

'_FUCKING $!^=:^$H! ! !FJ !^ *^$*t$ ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !_'

I gulped, clenched my fists till my knuckles turned white and looked away. Chris was staring at me, looking concerned. He was...red? That was rather strange. In fact, I glanced around... Everything in my surroundings had grown scarlet!

When had the world turned monochromatic? !  
If my mind had been clearer in that instant I would have marveled at the fact that it was true, people did see red when they were in a state.

But it felt like black fog had replaced my brain in my skull. I couldn't think. The only glimmer of reason left in me was entirely focused on keeping me from strangling Dom right away.

'_Have I ever been this mad before? I don't think so. It's said that the people you love hurt you the most. Well it's also them who can make you the wildest. And God knows how much I love Dom. Is this why I want to tear her away from his cold dead fingers right now?..._'

It took me a few minutes to calm myself down and to be able to breathe evenly again. When I finally regained control over myself I bitterly realised that no one was paying any attention to me. Not Chris. Not Jade. No one. Not even Dom.

I cleared my throat, wanting to get someone's attention...anyone's attention. No reaction. I rubbed my neck wondering if invisibility was another symptom of wrath. If it was, it shouldn't have been effective anymore, 'cause I was seeing normally again.

I also found out that the conversations' topics had radically changed. How much time had passed? Three minutes? Five? ...Ten?

Eventually Chris noticed my fidgeting. And just like earlier he looked at me with a worried expression on his face. I seized the opportunity.

"How long have I been...out?" I whispered to him.

He whispered back, "hum...40 minutes or so..."

"WHAT? !"

Great. Now I had _everybody's_ attention.

"Ah! Back from the dead Bells?" Dom's annoying voice almost triggered it all over again. I glowered at him and he shut up at once. I surely had enough residue of my - still fresh - silent tantrum in my eyes to be persuasive.

"I'm thirsty," a girl next to me suddenly stated.

I was about to tell her to go help herself but Dom was faster to speak. "About that... where's our private ginger waiter?"

It was all Greek to me, but apparently Jade knew what he was talking about. "Oh my God you're right... poor guy, he must have been searching for us" she answered as she looked around.

What the hell was going on? ! Was there already some kind of complicity between the two of them? I had to make a move, quickly. I sprang up. "I'll take the orders...what do you wanna drink?" There was a bit of a pause and then they all spoke at the same time.

"Margarita."

"Uh...lemon juice please."

"Two vodka Red Bulls..."

I didn't really listen. All I memorized was that _she_ wanted a mojito. Okay, that had been the first step. Now time for the second one. What was the name of that block over there again...

"Uh...Mark!" I called. A guy sitting on a pouffe very near Jade and Dom looked up. "Can you help me out...you know, carrying the drinks...?" He looked bewildered.

"Just come," I almost snapped. It was enough to make him stand up. Now I just had to pray that no idiot will take his seat meanwhile...

When we were at the bar I took a mojito in one hand and a glass of water in the other. I was about to go back to the living room when 'Mark' spoke up.

"Hey, wait, what about all the others?"

"The others...what?"

"Well the others' orders..." He was staring at me as if he was speaking to a retard...

I put down the glasses for a second. "Oh. Yeah. That. Hum...I don't know, do you remember what they wanted?" '_Come on, Marky, make that little brain of yours run a little..._'

"Erh... I think there were two vodka Red Bulls and..." '_Good Boy._'

I dug out a tray and began overstocking it with the drinks he was listing. When it was full I patted his shoulder. "Good job!" I told him. Then I picked up my two glasses again and disappeared into the crowd.

Of course Dom _had_ to plant his feet on the pouffe.

"There you go," I said to Jade as I gave her her drink. I smiled when she thanked me, but then I had to display a neutral face when I turned to Dom.  
"And that's for you." I handed him the water. He took it and was stumped for a few seconds. That allowed me to sweep his feet away and to settle on the pouffe without any major opposition from him.

Once I was seated I sighed, and ran a hand through my hair. I had made it this far without being too obvious. Or at least, that was what I hoped. I took some time to look at her. I had only caught a glimpse of her earlier and I hadn't had any chance to really appreciate just how beautiful she was tonight. And truly...she was sublime. I took in her svelte silhouette, her fair complexion, her dark golden hair... Had I been blind for not realising right away that she was gorgeous?  
She was gazing at me too. I looked deep into her lovely green eyes and she held my stare. I could feel a strange heat building up between the two of us but then _Dom_ broke the charm. I _really_ was going to kill him. Slowly if possible.

"Matt...what's with the water? !" She was the first one to look away. "Matt?" he repeated.

I sighed, exasperated. "What do you want? !" I hissed as I finally faced him.

He held his glass in one hand and pointed at it with the other one. "Why did you bring me that? That's not what I asked!"

I really wanted to tell him that he should consider himself happy that I had brought him _something_. But I knew better. "It may not be what you've asked for, but it's the only thing that you'll get. Don't you remember who's driving tonight?" I told him as if I was lecturing him.

"Ah! He's right!" Jade approved. "Don't drink and drive," she added matter-of-factly. And I had her on my side now. Dom seemed to realise it and he glared at me, causing me to smirk back. "I don't..." he mumbled as he took a gulp of water.

"Do you want some?" he asked her in a feeble attempt to get her attention back.  
"Water? Oh no thank you, I don't drink water," she answered.

'_...Why not?_'

Dom voiced my thoughts. "Why not?" he said, taking another gulp.

She tried to put a serious face for her answer but she looked like she might break into a massive grin anytime. "Well because...fish fuck in it".

Dom spat his mouthful of water back in his glass and practically chocked while doing so. I burst out laughing. Well...burst out _cackling_ would be more accurate.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." she kept repeating as she patted his back. But she was shuddering to a stream of giggles.

The look on Dom's face was absolutely priceless and I was laughing to tears. The best thing about it was that he had to stand and to excuse himself 'cause he couldn't stop coughing.

I immediately stole his spot and when Jade looked like she was about to stand up and follow him my hand shot out and grabbed her wrist- not too gently, I had to admit - and told her that he'd managed. Her gaze trailed off after him, and she seemed to feel a bit guilty, but she stayed next to me.

What the hell was I doing? A few days ago I had almost been criticizing her bourgeois manners before admitting to myself that she was kinda cute. Then tonight I had nearly lost it when I'd seen her dancing... Five minutes later I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't fall for her. And now I was elating just because I was sitting beside her! That girl had a gift for messing with my mind...

Her sweet voice brought me back to reality. She was calling my name actually.

"Yes?" I heard myself say.

"Hum...can I have my hand back?"

It sank in. I still hadn't loosened my grip on her wrist. I released her and apologized profusely. I was getting nervous. And that wasn't something I was used to. Being nervous. At least not around girls. I needed to find a topic of conversation quickly. How the hell was Dom managing to stay so casual around her? !

"I heard you play yesterday," I said out of the blue. She didn't understand right away. "I heard you play Tchaikovsky," I clarified.

"Oh..." Her cheeks turned pink. "I'm sorry, I should have closed the French windows. I hadn't realised it was that loud."

"No! No...that's not what I meant, you were playing beautifully." I smiled.

Now she turned red. She looked glad but embarrassed at the same time. Dom chose that moment to pop back. Damn he'd been quick.

"What have I missed?" he croaked, his voice hoarse, as he sat down on the pouffe. He didn't complain. Probably because he didn't want to make a fuss in front of her.

"We're talking piano," I stated, deliberately stressing the word 'piano' to remind him that it was _my_ field of expertise.

I wasn't expecting any answer, so I looked back at Jade. "You know, you shouldn't be self conscious of your playing, 'cause you did really well and it wasn't such an easy score..." '_Let him think she had played_ for _me._'

She was still blushing "Thanks but...it's just...I mean, _you_ play so beautifully... I can't hold a candle to you."

Where did she get that from? I hadn't play in front of her...or I had? Dom raised an eyebrow at me.

"I didn't..." I started to say, but she interrupted me.  
"Charlenne lent me your album... Showbiz?" she tentatively put out.

"Oh..." Dom and I said in unison.

Dom began fidgeting and I shifted on the sofa, a bit embarrassed.

Dom spoke up. "Yeah... we're terrible, aren't we?..." obviously he wanted her to say otherwise. And she did.

"No! Are you kidding? ! You're amazing!" She clearly meant it; she was suddenly very animated and smiling warmly. "I've listened to it... like, three times in a row! It's incredible, I can't believe that you'd think otherwise...I mean, you must have thousands of fans! Your voice is just astonishing and the music itself...I don't know, it's so...profound, and...raw and intense...I think it's one of the best things I've ever heard in my whole life. It's breathtaking!"

I gawked at her. And judging by Dom's silence he was probably doing the same thing.

Her smile faded and she put a hand to her mouth "Oh my God, I'm acting like a crazy groupie, aren't I?"

Dom and I woke up then.

"What? No! It's just...thank you..."  
"Wow...thanks so much...but you exaggerate though..."  
"...It's really nice of you...do you really mean that?..."  
"...That's really flattering..."  
"...But you know, don't congratulate him to much about his vocals or he's not going to stop boasting..."  
"And you know..." I paused. "What? ! I'm not fucking boasting! I'm never boasting!" I rebelled. Had he thought that I wouldn't hear that, drown as it was in our flow of speech?

She giggled and tried to hide her smile behind her hand.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

"You're not boasting? ! Oh come on, just a few days ago you were saying yourself that you were a skinny, pretentious wanker!" Dom accused him.

Matt's face was stricken. "It's not the same thing, you're allowed to think it but I'm the only one who can say it out loud!"

They went on like that for a few minutes, completely forgetting about me. My attention was going back and forth between them. I could tell that they were used to squabbling with each other. Their...'arguments' were sounding a bit used. But it seemed that overall Matt had the upper hand.

And he eventually put Dom down with some witty remark that I hadn't really followed. Dom huffed and crossed his arms, looking away in annoyance. Matt looked very satisfied.

I couldn't help but chuckle; they were almost acting like cartoon characters. It reminded them of my existence and Dom looked suddenly very sheepish.

But it was Matt who said, "Sorry 'bout that." Except that he didn't sound that sorry...

"It's okay," I reassured him. "Anyway...what instrument do you play, Dom?" I wanted to cheer him up a little bit and apparently he was grateful for the change of topic.

"Drums!" he answered grinning, visibly proud.

I smiled "Drums? Well it's..." I began, but Matt cut me off.  
"Yeah it's sort of a brute's instrument don't you think? So unrefined..." He was giving him no rest.

But Dom wasn't one to be pushed around either. "No it's not! It's just more...raw. More original. What do you think Jade?"

They both stared at me, waiting for me to take sides.

"Me? Huh...I don't know...hey don't involve me in your tiff! I'm neutral here okay?"

Just as I said that my phoned beeped.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

"I think I've heard a cell phone..." I said, unsure.

"Yeah, it's mine, I'm sorry..." Jade read the text message she'd just received and frowned.

"Something's wrong?" Matt asked before I could. He was annoyingly prompt tonight.

"I'm not sure. It's from my...boyfriend. I think I should call him back." She glanced an apology at us, stood up and went into the front yard.

I was speechless. Boyfriend? ! I hadn't expected that... I felt a pang of hurt and jealousy. Why had I assumed that she was single since the beginning? I had planned to make a move on her... I met Matt's eyes. _He_ didn't look surprised at all, in fact he wasn't showing any kind of emotion at all.

"What? The thought that a girl like her was bound to be already taken didn't cross your mind?" He snapped, as if he'd been reading my thoughts. I didn't answer, so he got on his feet too and walked away. But just before he turned his back on me, I could see gloom filling his face.

What a blow... for both of us.

* * *

title: I love New York - Madonna + Hysteria

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

FEEDBACK ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been edited and proofread by LilyTheAnnoyance. :-) Thx Lily


	19. Hi To The One That I Love

Hi there, wonderful Musers! Today, four new chapters. I won't be able to update before a long time (almost a month... yeah, sorry, I know,...) so I didn't want to leave you with nothing before I go to the country ^^.

Thx to SethEchelon for the review!

PS: I'm sure you'll notice I used a lot of Matt's interviews in that chapter. Really, I could have named it 'conversation with Matthew Bellamy'...

PPS: I've written a one-shot Muse story too, more than 5,500 words lol. If you want to check it out it'll keep you occupied for a little while ^^.

As always, I hope you enjoy :-)

* * *

**IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT (4): I just want to say 'Hi' to the one that I love**

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

I was trying real hard not to lose my temper. "You wanted me to call... so you could ask me that? !" I was incredulous.

"I know, I'm sorry but..."

"Just write it down this time, okay? !" I interrupted him.

Jack had forgotten one of his password. Now how LAME was that? I knew that I had a far greater memory than him for these kind of things but still... He was making me feel like we were some old married couple! I couldn't believe he had actually made me call him. I could have just texted it to him.

...But I had to admit I was sort of grateful for being outside. I needed to breath in some fresh air.

"All done," he said after I'd spelled it. "You know...it's not the only reason why I wanted you to call me," he added. "It's always nice to hear you voice."

"I know. I'm glad to hear you too but still, you know that I'm at a party right now..."

He knew, and he was sorry. And as usual we began making small talk, just to give ourselves the illusion that distance didn't matter...

It was getting pretty quite around me. It must have been around three or four a.m. and a great deal of people had already left. The music was softer, I believed 'With Or Without' was actually playing. Probably to give enamored couples some romantic time on the dancefloor. I idly wondered if Alex and Lise were amongst them.

I was paying but a little attention to what Jack was saying when I saw somebody walk past me. It was Matt. I had been leaning against the wall near the door and he hadn't seen me. I was expecting him to cross the street and head towards his house, but instead he stopped right in the middle of Charlenne's lawn and lay down on the grass.

"...Jade?"

"Hum...what?" I hadn't listened to what Jack'd just said as I was too engrossed by Matt's odd behaviour.

"I have to go," he was saying. "Oh...right..." I answered absentmindedly. And after we wished each other a good night, he hang up.  
'Venus' by Air began playing. I loved this song. I hesitated to go back near the pool so that I would hear it better, but instead I found myself approaching Matt's unmoving frame.

His eyes were closed and he looked utterly peaceful. I didn't want to disturb him, so I started to slip quietly away. But of course I _had_ to walk on a twig. His eyes snapped open, and he smiled when he saw me. He was being friendlier than he'd been a few days ago. Not that he had been unpleasant, just...more distant.

"Hey..." he said softly. Really I hadn't paid attention, because he had a beautiful voice even when he was just talking.

"Hey," I whispered back. "...What are you doing?"

"Just thinking."

"Oh. I'm...not going to trouble you then."

"No, please, stay here," he said as he patted the grass just next to him.

I paused for a second, glancing back to the house. He chuckled. "I'm not going to eat you."

"You'd better not. I'm indigestible," I replied as I lay down next to him. I thought I heard him mumble "I really doubt that," but I wasn't sure. The grass was slightly damp and I sighed, enjoying its coolness. The music was barely audible now and I could actually hear the night's sounds, crickets, et cetera...

We lay in comfortable silence for a while just staring at the heavens. Suddenly a shooting star flashed in the black sky. "Wow, did you see that? !" I exclaimed, pointing the area where it had just past.

"Yeah I've seen it! Quick, make a wish!"

"...I can't think of anything right now..." Still I was trying hard to find something. _'Make a wish about me..._' I thought. "You make a wish," I said.  
He closed his eyes and appeared to be concentrating. "Done," he said as he opened his eyes again and slightly smiled. I resisted the temptation to ask him what had been his wish, because I assumed he wouldn't tell me. And anyway, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

After another silent minute, I rolled on my side and watched him. He really was handsome. But not in a conventional way, and that was making him even more interesting. Again, there was that _thing_ about him, that thing I couldn't quite put my finger on, but which was definitely there. Maybe it was just charm. Maybe it was something more. The fact that I'd heard his distinctive playing and amazing voice probably added to it.  
I suddenly wondered what had triggered his penchant for music and I breathed in, planning to ask him. But I hesitated for a second. I just never expected his reactions; he was such a moody mind... I was afraid that even the most common question would produce a weird response...

But when he heard my intake of breath he looked at me questioningly, inviting me to talk.

"Why did you want to make music?" I finally blurted.

"Er..." He shyly smiled and scraped his hair. "I s'pose it was because of my dad, he's a musician, he was the guitarist of The Tornadoes. I don't know if you've heard 'bout them..."

"Yeah! I know about them, they've done Telstar haven't they? My dad loves that song... Hum, in fact I have to admit it's the only song of them that I know." I bit my tongue before I could add that Matt and his band were much better. Actually it may only have been a matter of generation. Still...relatively famous daddy. He was full of surprises.

He rolled on his side too and rested his head on his arms. "Can't say I'm surprised, it's their most famous one. So...when my parents divorced I used music like a...sort of substitution I guess. I was already playing piano but I started the guitar then. And I got used to...you know...taking refuge in music, feeling free of the constraints of society."

I hadn't expected him to say so much; I felt touched that he had confided in me a bit.

"How did _you_ get started?" he asked.

"Well...kinda similarly to you. My Mum used to play a lot. But she broke her hand once and never really managed to recover... I'd always loved to hear her play and when she couldn't perform anymore I took matters into my own hands so to speak. And she has always encouraged me a lot. I guess she wants me to be able to play songs that she can't execute since her accident."

I sighed. I was surprised that _I_ was telling him so much. But he seemed to be expecting me to go on, so I did. "And...there's Yann Tiersen. I love what he does. Actually the first song that I ever learned was one of his. Even if it was not the easiest way to begin...I strived and played it again and again and again...till I was able to do it. I couldn't even sightread at the time. It took me some time but I was extremely proud when I managed. And now every time I play something by Tiersen it reminds me of Paris, of my childhood. Funny how music is such a matter of emotions..."

"That's so true," he agreed. "It's the very essence of it. We realized that with Dom and Chris, two or three years ago. We entered that thing...Battle of the Bands or whatever, and we really thought we were doing total shit, that we were going to lose, you know...like, we went there with the _undoubted_ idea that we were gonna lose." He was getting more and more animated, and I loved how it enhanced his British accent.

"And did you?" I asked, totally captivated.

He chuckled ."No actually, we won." He sounded mesmerized, as if even after all this time he couldn't believe that they had won. "I mean, we wore black makeup all over our faces and we wrecked the stage but people loved it. That's when we realized that emotion, the vibrations that you create are as important as your technical skills."

He definitely got that right. That was why I loved their album, because of the emotion behind the music and the lyrics. Even thought they didn't lack technical skills...  
"And you know, my own Tiersen would be Hendrix. I remember seeing him set fire to his guitar and people cheering him on, and I thought, 'Oh come on that's got to be an instrument worth playing.' " he said, laughing softly. "And I think...I think it gives you some kind of, sort of freedom to be...maybe not be someone else, but at least bring something else out inside of you that never had the chance to come out yet - you know - I definitely found that through playing guitar on stage."

"Wow..." I breathed, admiring his passion. "You almost make me want to try and play guitar!"

We laughed and he added, "Well, I've done at least one useful thing today."

I was more and more at ease with him and we kept on chatting for a long moment. I learned that Chopin and Rachmaninoff were his favorite composers and I told him Bach and Tchaikovski were mine. We talked about our families, some of our childhood memories and anecdotes from when we were kids.  
I told him about the many times we've moved in the past few years and he told me about the band struggles before they made their album and how eager he was to officially release Showbiz so that they would go on a tour.

But I should have taken my many yawns' warnings more seriously because I actually dozed off while listening to him. I woke up when I heard my name and felt something soft stroking my cheek. My eyes fluttered open only to be trapped in his intense blue gaze and I realised that it was his fingers on my cheek. I could feel the blush creeping up into my face from the fact that he was touching me in such a tender manner and from the embarrassment of having fallen asleep while he'd been talking. I was afraid he would notice my skin growing hotter, so I shied away from his touch and sat up straight.

"What time is it?" I asked, trying to keep the embarrassment off my voice.

"Around five. You weren't out for too long," he softly answered as he sat up too.

"I should probably go home." It was a bit of an overstatement since I just had to cross the street...

Without a word he stood, offered his hand to me, which I took, and lifted me up. We went inside and headed toward the only group of people who were still here. Seated in the living room, Charlenne, Emily, Dom and a holding-Lise's-hand Alex were whispering and talking low next to a snoring Chris.  
I went by my twin's side and snuggled in his free arm, yawning again and resting my head on his shoulder, feeling exhausted.

"Party-Girl's feeling tired?" he asked, pulling me close and stroking my hair.

"Yep," I just answered.

Then they all started to stand, one by one. Matt and Dom woke Chris by tickling him, which resulted in him making the strangest noises, from snoring to hiccup and sort of bear roaring. We trudged outside, Alex almost carrying me, and stayed in the front yard a few minutes to properly say goodbye to everyone.

"Hey Diane and Appolo..." Dom started to say as he shook Alex's hand and kissed my cheek.

"It's Dian-A," Matt corrected him, doing the same.

"Whatever. You two should come next Saturday... Actually it's the Saturday after that. We're throwing sort of a...rave-up at Chris's place, on the beach," Dom added, looking hopeful.

"Sure, why not," Alex said.  
"It'd be great," I answered, yawning for the hundredth time.

"Will you be performing a bit?" I vaguely heard Lise ask.

"Of course we will. We always do," Matt answered.

After one last glance at him, I let my brother carry me home, literally this time, and almost fell asleep in his arms.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

Diane or Diana, she looked like an angel when she slept. I watched her brother carry her inside their house. Matt was doing the same.

We wished the girls goodnight and they closed their door, leaving me, Chris and Matt alone. We trampled toward my car and Matt's house. He mumbled a barely audible 'Good night' and quickly disappeared into his house, he and I careful not to meet the other's eyes.  
Five minutes later while I was driving, Chris resumed his snoring, lolling back in the seat next to me, sleeping it off.

"You know...I think I've missed the boat," I murmured to his sleepy form.

* * *

title: I love New York - Madonna + Cherry Blossom Girl - Air

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been edited and proofread by **LilyTheAnnoyance**. :-) Thx Lily


	20. Link It To The World

**LINK IT TO THE WORLD**

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

"Come oooon! We're gonna be late!" Alex urged me, putting his helmet on.

"MMMDoffinfrrmwhammmfffcan," I tried to answer but the bobby pin I was holding in my teeth made it difficult to talk.

My Mum handed me my bag when I rushed outside, hopping on one foot, since I was trying to put my shoe on the other one...

"I'm doing what I can!" I finally said as I took my pin and quickly tied my hair up in a messy bun. I climbed on his bike behind him and put my own helmet on, trying not to ruin my hair. "And it's not _my_ fault if my alarm clock's batteries died during the night and that _no one_ had the good idea to come and wake me before it was too late!" I added as I adjusted the straps.

"Be careful," my mother said when he started up the engine. Jesus...it was deafening... "And don't drive too fast," she shouted as we took off.

It was Thursday. First day of school. I had grown more nervous every day since last week, but I still wasn't sure if it was because of high school, or because Saturday was coming fast...

When we stopped at the first red light I took a small mirror out of my purse and tried to apply some lipstick on.

Alex turned round to check what I was doing and he rolled his eyes. So predictable.

"Hopeless..." he mumbled.

"Why don't you focus on driving, huh?" I said between two strokes.

He answered by making the engine roar.

'_I don't know what's the matter with him...he gets that from Dad. The aversion to make-up. Really, this one is not flashy, it's just a soft peach color..'_

As soon as the light turned green again, Alex took off like a rocket and I was really lucky not to daub lipstick all over my face.

"What the fuck!" I bawled out. I almost said, 'I'm gonna tell Mum that you didn't drive safely,' but I was sure I could to find something less...childish to snap.

But he was the first one to speak up at the following red light. "You know, it's almost insulting," he said.

I raised my eyebrows. "Insulting?" I scoffed. "Who the hell am I insulting?"

"Well yourself, obviously. But also: me."

"You?" I was torn between perplexity and disbelief. "How am I insulting you?"

Green light.  
Red light.

"Considering that we're twins, if you think you're not naturally beautiful then it means you think I'm not either."

"That's ridiculous. Makeup is not always about wanting to be more beautiful. And besides, we're fraternal twins!"

"And? Remember when you cut your hair short? Not even Mum could tell the difference."

Green light.  
Yellow light.  
Red light.

"We were eight years old, Alex! In case you haven't noticed, I've grown some breasts since then and you are supposed to have grown something of your own!" Before he could reply I added: "And thank heavens I'm not as..._square_ as you!"

"Well thank heavens I'm not as round as you..."

Green light.  
Next stop was at school.

"You think I'm round? !" I squeaked as he parked.

"No!" he backed off. "Raaah! I didn't mean it like that. You're round in a _good_ way!"

"Yeah, yeah, try to make up for it..."

We were still bickering with each other when we approached the mass of other students, but then we stopped talking and stayed close to each other, feeling more confident together. And let me tell you that being stared at by half of the school required some confidence. Hopefully we had already met the other half at Charlenne's party last week. Apparently new students were really a phenomenon 'round here.

We naturally headed towards the people we knew best: Charlenne, Lise, Emily... I almost thought Alex was going to kiss Lise on the mouth, but he chose the cheek at the last moment. These two were going fast... Charlenne hugged me warmly. She really had a gift for making me feel at ease; I had a feeling I was gonna cling to her as if my life depended on it.

But...still...I couldn't help but notice...there was no sign of _them_.

"Where are they?" Emily asked.

"Who?" Charlenne said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well...you know...Matt and his friends." She blushed. I had noticed that she was quite fond of Matt. I believed she had sort of a soft spot for him.

Charlenne snickered. "Oh, you know them...school isn't really their favorite place to be. Don't you remember Dom in June? He wouldn't stop swanking about finishing his last year. 'Finally freedom' and yadi yadi yada...there's only Matt and Chris left this year."

"Yeah, the profs will only have to bear the two of them..." Lise added. But she obviously wasn't the perfect student either, since she was repeating this year...

"But I don't think they'll be here often anyway," Charlenne went on, ignoring her sister's remark, "though they usually show up the first day...to prove they're alive at least," she chuckled.

We began entering the classroom and they still weren't there.

Anxiety started to swell within me when I realised my brother was going to sit next to his soon-to-be-official girlfriend. I really didn't want to be left alone. Charlenne seemed to notice it, and she suggested that I should sit with her. Which wasn't to Emily's liking _at all_. She started to complain but Charlenne shushed her.

"Please, don't make a fuss," she said, "you've known almost everyone in this room your whole life. Jade's only been here for two weeks."

Emily huffed but gave up. She apologized through gritted teeth and approached another girl with a very hypocritical: "Hi, how are you?"

I usually wasn't that shy, and truly a lot of faces in the room seemed already a bit familiar, but it was the fact that we were the _only_ new students that made me nervous. It was the smallest school Alex and I had ever been to. There was only one class per year! Fortunately our teacher- I believed it was our math teacher Ms. Godspoon or suchlike- didn't say anything about it. She didn't ask us to introduce ourselves or any bullshit like that. Or at least...not yet.

'Matthew Bellamy' was one of the first names on the call list, and Ms...'Godthing' didn't seem surprised at all when nobody answered. She hadn't even looked up. She'd just said the name and when she hadn't heard anything in the second she'd written something down and called the next person.

While I was waiting for Godthing to reach the letter L, I looked around the room. The furniture wasn't especially brand new, and the paint was a bit chipped, but there were...'good vibes' and pictures of pupils here and there. Probably school trips. Very...cosy. One of the walls was almost entirely made of glass, it was more a gigantic window than a wall actually. It opened on a verdant yard with benches and trees and further away I could see the school parking lot.

My brother's name had just been called and I was next. I was ready to respond, but when the teacher opened her mouth to speak, she was interrupted by a loud screeching sound.

* * *

title: New Born

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been edited and proofread by **LilyTheAnnoyance**. :-) Thx Lily


	21. Boys Just Wanna Have Fun

**BOYS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN**

Every head in the room turned towards the window, mine included. A faded-red car had stopped short in the parking lot and a ripple of giggles passed through the class when two guys almost tumbled out of it. After a second I realised it was Dom's car and the two guys were Matt and Chris. Even from a distance they looked like they had just gotten up; Matt's hair was sticking up and Chris crammed something, most likely a croissant, in his mouth before grabbing his bag.

As I was watching them, smiling widely, I felt Charlenne poking me and I understood that Ms. Godthing had called me. I put on a more serious face and looked up.

"Jade Lafayette?" she repeated, scrutinizing me through her slanted glasses.

"Yes," I nodded before looking back at them.

While Dom was parking the car more properly, Matt and Chris started running toward the school. Well...Chris was running but Matt seemed to have some difficulty following him as he still was buttoning up his white shirt.

"Is he still getting dressed up?" Charlenne whispered, looking both astonished and amused.

"It looks like it," I answered and we sniggered.

The room started buzzing with the students chatting.

"Quiet."

It lowered, but didn't stop. It seemed to me that the teacher was calling the pupils' names faster than she had before. As if she wanted to pass Chris' name before they came in.

"Valery Tanis?"

"Yes!"

I could hear fast footsteps in the corridor.

"Sam Vannoy?"

"Here."

"Christopher Wolsten..."

"YEEES!"

A panting Chris literally crashed against the door frame, his face red with the effort of running. A few seconds later Matt skidded behind him. When he came to a stop, his shoes made a sound quite similar to tire squeal, causing a new ripple of sniggers to rise in the room.

He ran his hands through his hair while skirting round Chris, who was still recovering, and said: "Bellamy! Yes, here. Present!" He was panting a bit as well and had talked with a frightening speed, but a big smile spread across his face. And he was...wearing yellow sunglasses.

As they started heading towards the back of the room, the teacher spoke up. "Matthew?"

He turned to face her in a flash. "Yes? Miss Godspeed?"

Godspeed! That was it! Not Godspoon...

She stared at him for a second. "Glasses?" she said, raising one eyebrow.

"Huh? Oh, right." He hung them to his shirt before turning round again. When he walked past our table he noticed Charlenne and me. He grinned again and adjusted his collar. I smiled back and twisted in my chair to watch them sit down.

Without warning Charlenne burst out laughing next to me. She was staring past me so I turned to follow her gaze. And I chuckled too.

Dom was making a show of his own outside.

He had brought a cushion with him and he slung it on a bench opposite the window, before comfortably sitting on it, grinning from ear to ear. He put a bag of popcorn next to him while sipping soda through a straw. Chris's laugh and Matt's distinctive giggling joined the general laughter this time.

"Be quite!" Godspeed scolded us as she looked daggers at Dom. If there had been any curtains to the windows she'd have probably put us in the dark by now.

Eventually she managed to ignore him and to finish calling the last names on the list. When she was finally done, she began boring us with a this-is-a-very-important-year speech. After a while I just couldn't listen anymore. I could see her lips moving and I was hearing words but they didn't really form any sentences in my mind. That was the tedious-teacher syndrome.

I sighed as I glanced around the room. I noticed that I wasn't the only one who had given up trying to listen. Charlenne was idly drawing some undefined pattern on a sheet, a guy and his girlfriend were playing with each other's hands, Lise had rested her chin on her hand, staring into the void, while Alex was lovingly gazing at her...and several people were watching Dom.

I cast a look at him myself and realised that his eyes were fixed on me. As soon as he noticed me looking back at him he beamed and waved his hand. A few people turned round to see who he'd been waving at, so I quickly looked away and hid my blush behind my hair. After that I regularly glanced at him and nine times out of ten he'd been staring at me. I felt like I was some kind of exotic fish being displayed in a public aquarium...

I forgot about Dom when I remembered Matt and Chris. I could hear them speak in whispers a few rows behind me and I pricked up my ears, hoping to catch something by eavesdropping on them. Suddenly I heard Matt say my name and I barely stopped my head from whipping round to face him. I listened really hard but I couldn't pick up any other word. When I couldn't stand it any longer I curled my hand around my neck and tried to glance surreptitiously over my shoulder. Matt met my gaze almost instantly. He had been muttering something to Chris and while he kept on whispering, the corners of his mouth tilted up into a ravishing smile.

I looked straight ahead again, biting my bottom lip as I was trying to fight off my own smile.

In order to get the three of them out of my mind I tried to resume listening to what Ms. Godspeed was saying. Apparently she was approaching her speech's end.

"...and I hope you'll take advantage of this year to..." Blah blah blah... "...and to properly work together."

Silence. I looked up. Really? That was it?

She slammed her hands flat on her desk, which triggered a few jumps amongst the students, and stood up, scraping her chair back with a horrible screeching noise. Like everybody else in the room I winced.

"And now please open your books page..." She was cut off by a clapping sound.

Outside Dom had stood up and was applauding harder than ever and cheering, "OOOOOuuuuhou! Well said Chief!" For the third time today the whole class burst out laughing. Just _how_ had he known she had just finished?

Godspeed waved her hand at him like he was some kind of annoying pet. "Shoo! Go away!" That was the last straw. I collapsed into a fit of laughter for good. When she realised she wasn't going to manage to call the class back to order, Godspeed stormed off into the corridor.

Everyone was giggling or chatting. I stirred in my chair, smiling at the people around me. Charlenne was softly shuddering to a stream of chuckles and we began talking animatedly, big smiles crossing our faces.

We were interrupted by Matt when he bent over our table. "Hello there, ladies" he said, resting on his elbows. He glasses were stuck up in his hair.

"Hey," Charlenne answered. "Thank you, O Great Matthew for honoring us with your presence today," she said mockingly.

He grinned and picked up the piece of paper on which Charlenne had been sketching. "You're very welcome...anything for my fans. Hey, we were thinking about going on a ride in town after all this crap..." he made a face as if it disgusted him before smiling again, all the while making confetti out of Charlenne's sheet. "You girls wanna come?"

While he'd been talking his glasses had swung down on his nose. I leaned in close to him, took them off his nose before putting them on and, throwing out my best flirting abilities without really knowing why, I said with my most sultry voice: "I would be delighted."

His confidence flickered a bit and his smile slowly faded as he stared at me. He looked mesmerised. Wow. I hadn't realised I could have that kind of effect on him. Well, it was only fair, considering the one _he_ could have on _me_.

I leaned back in my chair again and glanced at Charlenne over the glasses. We both burst out giggling at the same time, making Matt snap out of his daze.

"Well Matt," Charlenne said, "looks like you've found someone stronger than you."

She'd hit a nerve. His face stricken, he was about to reply when we heard some angry shouting coming from outside.

Godspeed was trying to get Dom out of the school's ground. At first he was boasting big time but when he saw the two sturdy guys that had come along with her he suddenly became much more modest and cooperative. He held his hands out in front of him just like a culprit turning in the guns. Then he let the two men escort him to the parking lot but not before he'd enjoyed one last ovation. He ran to the window and bowed very low while we acclaimed him.

"What a show off..." Matt muttered next to me. I studied him for a while.

Indeed, he and Dom had a strange relationship. It was obvious that they loved each other like brothers and that they were the best of friends, but still...there was a bizarre rivalry between the two of them that was sometimes thick enough to cut through with a butter knife. He eventually noticed my stare and he looked back at me, but didn't manage to hold it for long. Soon his eyes were going back and forth between Charlenne and I.

"So we'll pick you up in front of the school, yeah?"

We nodded.

Then he turned towards Alex and Lise. "You two are coming along?" They agreed. The only one he hadn't asked was Emily.

She woke up. "Hey, what about me?" She looked miffed. "Can I come too or am I unwanted? !"

He flashed a brilliant smile at her. "Well of course you're coming, beauty. The more the merrier. I didn't ask 'cause I assumed you were coming anyway."

What a smoothie...he knew how to make up to women. She seemed satisfied.

Before she turned her back on us she shot me a smug look. My eyebrows shot up.

'_What's her problem? What does she have to be smug about? She's not the one who can captivate him with a single look now, is she?_'

I mentally slapped myself. I couldn't allow myself to be cut to the quick by her. Nor to think of him that way. He wasn't a prize I was trying to win. That was a 'game' I had used to play _before_ I met Jack. And having left a trail of broken hearts behind me wasn't something I was particularly proud of anyway. Not mentioning that I had copped a packet myself sometimes. Besides, I didn't really agree with what Charlenne had said...I wasn't so sure I was mentally stronger than him. I'd have bet he had one hell of a mental armour. If we started playing cat-and-mouse I could be the one to get my fingers burnt...

Matt zoomed back to his seat when Godspoon...no. Speed. Godspeed. When Godspeed came in through the door. She looked relieved to be rid of Dom. When I realised I still had Matt's sunglasses on my nose, I quickly hung them to my top, securing one of their legs in my bra. Just to be sure not to lose them or damaged them, since they weren't mine...

Finally she could begin her lesson. Math wasn't my favorite topic of study, but it wasn't the worst either. And I would need it a bit anyway if I wanted to be a photographer. So I tried to focus on her, and whenever I started daydreaming I reminded myself that I was going to have a good time with friends in no more than two hours.

* * *

title: inspired by Cyndi Lauper (obviously)

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been edited and proofread by **LilyTheAnnoyance**. :-) Thx Lily


	22. No One's Notice Our Loneliness

**NO ONE'S NOTICED OUR LONELINESS**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

"A fraction... Antiderivative F may be obtained by integration... Matricial calculation..."

Chris sighed heavily. "What the fuck are we doing here? !" he hissed. I had rarely seen him that exasperated.

Now, I could understand. We usually didn't stay that long during Maths classes. Teachers were used to see us leave during lessons and we could have waited for the others with Dom, outside. Actually, I believed Godspeed would be glad to get rid of us...

But she and Chris would have to endure the last few minutes. 'Cause I wasn't leaving. Not when for once I had something to look at. Or more accurately, someone to gaze at...

It was getting complicated. Had she doubled her amount of self confidence over the last week or what? I had already been attracted to her when she'd been shy and reserved...how was I supposed to resist her when she was unleashing her charms on me? !

'_She reminds me of Audrey sometimes..._'

When my ex's face poped back from my memories into my mind, a wave of pure hatred crashed over me. I quickly stared at the blackboard.

f(x)= 2x + 3dg(y)/dy + (h(u)+a) + b ...

Perfect. Brain reseted.

I sighed and run a hand over my face as I leaned back in my chair.

Jade wasn't single. She had made that clear. So what was she playing at? Not that it bothered me strictly speaking...I had already won over girls that had been in relationships. The problem was that if I did win her over, I wasn't sure I would be able to let her go easily... But anyway she made me feel like I was the pawn and she was the player. Not the other way around.

'_Well that's gonna have to change. Offence's the best defence._'

When the 'lesson' was finally over, Chris let loose an big sighed of relief. "Aaaaalleluia," he sang. I couldn't help but smile back.

We all got caught into the stream of people on our way out so that the parking lot became our implicite rendez-vous point. Not too surprisingly I was the last one to show up. I held my hand up to my eyes as I was approaching our little group, the sun was shining real bright today.

When I joined them, Dom was already trying to chat Jade up. "How did you know when she had finished her speech?" Jade was asking.

"Pretty easy," he bragged on, "the screeching chair. She does that every year."

"You mean she does that every _week_, but since you come here every once in a blue moon, you think it's just once a year," Lise taunted him.

I spotted my Raybans hanging on Jade top and without asking for permission I claimed back my belongings. "I'll have that back, thank you very much," I said as I nabbed them. I noticed something strange when I grabbed them...

Had she stuck them in her bra? ! Well, that would explain the blush...

'_MMmm...Yummy._'

I smirked at her as I put them on and her blush darkened even more. Although Dom seemed to be noticing it, he couldn't understand what had caused it.

Chris introduced us to his Kathy. She was 21 and studying Art History in Bellmont Hall too, that was why she was with us today. Physically she wasn't so bad but not particularly my type, she and Chris seemed to be pretty much in hooked to each other anyway. We welcomed her as warmly as we could. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.

"Okay. Soooo...how many of us are there?" Dom asked, taking on the role of the organizer.

We were nine. Four guys and five girls. Two people would take Alex's bike, himself and Lise probably, the rest of us would have to crowd into Dom's car. There were five seats...which implied that two girls would have to sit on somebody's lap. Dom seemed to realise that at the same time that I did.

"Er...Matt, don't you wanna drive today?"

'_Oh no Dom...I don't think so..._'

I had no difficulty sounding mischievous. "Me? Are you sure you want to entrust _me_ with your car?"

'_That should do it..._'

He huffed and glared at me. "Well, maybe not."

As I had planned Alex and Lise were gonna take the bike. When Dom reluctantly stated that two girls would have to sit on guys' lap Charlenne snorted. "No thanks, I'd rather have a real seat! Front one if possible."

"I don't mind sitting on Chris'," that was Kathy, obviously.

Jade was about to speak but Emily overtook her, "I'll take Matt."

'_What? ! Shit!_'

Jade seemed relieved. "Great, I'll sit in the middle." Dom looked satisfied. I wasn't.

Once we were jammed in the car, Charlenne and Kathy monopolized the conversations, getting to know each other. Charlenne couldn't stand sitting near someone she didn't know everything about more than five minutes...

I had to admit Emily was as light as a feather, that was a good point. And I couldn't deny that she was hankering after me anymore. She was sitting very straight, almost arching herself to exaggerate her feminine assets. It was so obvious that I chuckled under my breath. Without warning she adjusted her position on my lap, her buttocks brushing against a sensitive spot of mine. I involuntarily jolted under her, winning myself funny looks from the rest of the crew. Jesus, she wasn't going around the bush! I might give her exactly what she wanted...

I noticed Jade was regularly stealing glances at us, trying to be inconspicuous. She didn't seem pleased. That was interesting... I was on the lookout for her reactions as I snaked my arms around Emily's waist. Jade let out a soft huff of annoyance and looked away. I couldn't help but grin. If only she knew...I would give up a thousand girls like Emily for just one night with her...

After five or ten minutes Dom parked in the downtown and we could all breath in some fresh air again. We strolled toward the park and most of us laid down on the grass, enjoying the sun's warmth. It reminded me of Charlenne's party, when Jade and I had talked for what had felt like hours. The tension between us had lowered during that conversation, only to come back tenfold when she had woken up... I wondered if she was thinking about it too. I glanced at her but she wasn't looking at me, she had sitten cross-legged a few steps away from me and was chatting with the rest of the girls.

We kept talking in small groups for a while, no more than two or three per conversation. Until the topic of our next album came up.

"...I'm trying to find humans' bones but it's not easy...I think I'll have to settle for animals'..." Dom was saying.

"Yeah, I don't think it's going to change the sound," Charlenne chuckled.

"No, but it doesn't have the same impact on people's mind," Lise pointed out.

Dom nodded, "true..."

Jade spoke up. "If you want to try an uncommon instrument you should check out a mellotron. It's really a sounds that comes from the deepest of hell... Well, the Beatles managed to turned it into a sweet candy instrument with Strawberry Field Forever, but I still think it has a strong potentiel for heavier music..." She'd been talking to me, since I was the band's pianist. I was thankful for the window into the conversation.

"Yeah I know," I replied/ "I've thought about it but I still haven't find a tape that suits me..." We quickly lost the others when we began talking technical details. Even Dom and Chris didn't know as much as her on the subject. Discussing with her was a real pleasure. When would she stop surprising me?

"And we also want to play a song featuring an organ," I said after a time.

Since our talking became approachable again, Charlenne interfered. "That'd be great, you could do something amazing with such a powerful intrument in your hands!" I smiled at her. She was so enthusiast and supporting.

'_I wish I was as confident as she thinks I am..._'

"And Matt wants to find an authentic organ..." Chris specified.

"That's not gonna be easy!" Kathy remarked.

It was Alex's turn to join in. "Churches. There's always an organ in big old churches."

Dom answered him. "We know. Problem is the priests will want to check out the lyrics..."

"And? How is that a problem?" This time it was Emily. God we were numerous today...

"Well, they're probably nibbling at religion..." Lise quipped, an amused smile on her lips.

I grinned back. "Precisely. And who gives a damn about the priests? Let's just say there are no lyrics..."

Jade sniggered. "Oh my goodness Mr. Bellamy, you shameless miscreant... Are you gonna lie to a messenger of God?"

Bloody hell! I _loved_ the way she'd said my name...

I flashed a seducive smile at her. "Yes honey. And I don't care if I burn in Hell for it."

Our eyes locked up and just like at Charlenne's party, I felt something flowing between us. Heat, electricity...whatever you want to call it. But it was as potent and real than the grass under me or the air in my lungs.

And, again, it was Dom who broke it.

"By the way Jade, what's your favorite track? On Showbiz I mean."

"What an original question..." I ironized, rolling my eyes. He mumbled exotic names under his breath and I blew a kiss at him. "Love you too, Dom." Of course he just glared back at me, scowling.

Jade chuckled and was about to answer but her brother cut her off. "Showbiz?"

"Yeah, it's our first album," Chris explained.

Alex raised an eyebrow at her sister. "When did you listen to their album?"

Charlenne piped in."I lended it to Jade before the party...didn't you listen to it?"

"No, I didn't." He looked frustrated. "Why did you leave me in the dark?"

The tension between the two twins was growing papable. It was like watching a tennis match.

Left. "Well you didn't ask."

Right. "Of course I didn't ask. 'Cause I didn't know there was an album. 'Cause you didn't tell me."

Left. "You knew they were in a band, it could have crossed your mind! And besides, since when do I have to report everything to you?"

Right. "I'm not asking you to report everything, just _some_ things..."

Left. "And let me remind you that you where there when Charlenne gave me the CD, but you were far too occupied staring at Lise!"

Right. "Purée, commence pas avec tes conneries Jade..."

Left. "Eh-oh! Ca va pas ou quoi? J't'interdis de me parler sur ce ton!..."

Right. "Je te parles sur le ton que je veux..."

Left. "Oublie pas que je suis ta soeur!"

Right... "Ca je risque pas de l'oublier..."

They had lost me. What language was that? ! French?

Charlenne gently stepped in. "Guys..."

They calmed down at once. Not looking at each other they mumbled words of apology to us.

"_Anyway_..." Jade said, glaring at her brother before turning to Dom, "my favorite song...I dunno...It's pretty tight between Uno and Muscle Museum I'd say...and Showbiz. There are all great actually. Maybe a little preference for Uno. Why?"

"Just sheer curiosity..." Dom shyly smiled. It looked like he'd been a bit intimidated by the twins' tense exchange.

Later on that afternoon, when the light became more oblique, and while I was glancing at Jade-as I had been doing most of the day- I saw her took a heavy-looking camera out of her bag.

"Nice beast," I stated.

She grinned at me. "Well Thanks...I guess. It's almost brand new...my 18th birthday present."

"Yeah, you did say you wanted to become a photographer..."

She looked at me a bit surprised. More like...pleasantly surprised in fact.

'_Did you think I hadn't listened to anything you said during that dinner?_'

"Can I take a look?" I asked nonchalantly.

She nodded eagerly. She was cute when she was proud. I came to sit closer to her- which had been the whole point of my asking- and she began extolling the merits of her toy. Well, it wasn't very fair to call it a toy. But I tended to be contemptuous towards things I couldn't get the hang on. Of course I didn't show her that. Actually, I was drinking her words...without understanding a thing. Pretty weird.

"...You can use long exposure to blur the movement of water, just by slowing shutter speed and using the smallest aperture available to minimise the amount of light that reaches the sensor. There're other techniques but I like that one. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."

I snapped out of my daze when I noticed she'd stopped talking.

"...I'm...boring you to death, aren't I?" she said, looking a bit sheepish.

"No!"I exclaimed. "Not at all. It's just... I mean, it's a bit technical for me but..." I smiled encouragingly. I didn't want her to stop talking. But when I saw that she was a bit at a loss with what to say next, I figured it would help to ask her questions. "So...what do you like photographing the most? People? Landscapes?..."

Both. Even if she was better at photographing Landscapes. When it came to people, she liked black and white portraits but she prefered shooting loads of pictures without the subject posing. The result was more natural.

"Speaking of it..." Charlenne muscled in. I hadn't noticed she'd been listening to us...

"You think you're gonna take your camera with you Saturday night?" she asked.

Jade cast a sidelong glance at me before answering. "Er...I don't know. I don't usually take that much pictures during evenings. Artificial light's not the best one."

"But it would be so cool if a real photographer took pictures during the guys' gigs! Catching Matt in the air...that kind of thing!"

Jade chuckled. "I'm not a real photographer...yet."

"And it won't really be a gig either," I added, smiling at Charlenne. She pouted, looking really disappointed. It was my turn to chuckle under my breath. She was adorable.

"Don't worry, there will be plenty of other occasions," Jade tried to comfort her. I liked the sound of that. Plenty of other occasions with her.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

Around 6 p.m. the others stood up to leave and I reluctantly followed. I didn't want to see her go but really, what could I do about it... I wasn't gonna kidnap her, was I?

"So...I guess I'll see you on Saturday," I said as she settled on Alex's bike, behind him. '_Well it's not a guess. _

_'Cause you _will_ come...won't you?_'

She smiled,."Yeah, sure."

'_Good.'_

I grinned back and she seemed...off, for a couple of seconds. She woke up when her twin started the engine and she hastily put her helmet on.

"Thanks for the ride!" she shouted over the engine's roar just before they disappeared up the street.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

This time I was the one who drove. And Dom was stuck with Emily. But not for long, because we dropped Kathy home and the three other girls at Emily's place. 'Slumber Party', I was told.

Once the three of us were alone, Dom spoke up. We had barely talk to each other today...

"Well...now we know what song to play on Saturday."

I glanced at him but then quickly faced the road again. "What the hell are you talking about?" I wasn't aggresive, just...confused.

Chris leaned forwards between the two front seats. "Yeah, what the hell are you talking about, Dom? The only track we can play from A2 is Pl-"

"I'm not talking about A2!" A2 was the temporary name we'd given our second album. "I'm talking about Showbiz!"

"Yeah, and? We're gonna play Showbiz. That's what we'd planned. Where's the problem?" Chris asked.

I was utterly befuddled.

Dom sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers, closing his eyes. "God...you two can be really slow to understand sometimes. I was talking about Showbiz the _album_, not Showbiz the _song._ What I mean is, we know what song from Showbiz we're gonna play, that is to say: Uno."

"We had planned to play Showbiz...from Showbiz," Chris insisted.

"Yes, but now we're going to play Uno, from Showbiz."

Since we'd just stopped at a red light I was able to look at Dom in the eyes. "And when did you decided that?" I asked, my voice mildly cold.

He was getting annoyed. So was I.

"Do I_ really_ need to spell it out? !"

Then I remembered what Jade had said. And so did Chris apparently.

"Really...Dom..." Chris chuckled incredulously as he leaned back in his seat.

Dom stared at me, his eyes widening. "Oh come on, Matt! Don't tell me you haven't thought about it!"

I hadn't, actually. Indeed she had said Uno was her favorite, but she liked Showbiz too... The truth was, it was easier for me to show off with Showbiz than with Uno...

A thought suddenly popped in my mind. "Had she said 'Sunburn'...would you have carried the piano all the way up the stairs?"

He seemed to be thinking it over for a few seconds. "Yes!" he finally said, defiant. "Or at least...I would have broken my back trying."

Damn. He was more into her than I had thought.

* * *

title: Shine

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	23. Singin' In The Rain

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (1) Singin' in the Rain**

*DOM P.O.V.*

"Can't say I'm not eager to meet her..." Tom said as he got himself a beer.

He was helping Chris and I to set our makeshift stage for tonight. Matt had gone downtown to refill our supplies of vodka and rum...and incidentally orange juice too.

"Specially if Matt's as much into her as you say he is..." he went on.

I was a bit miffed. "Hey, I told you I liked her too!"

Chris and Tom exchange a look. "Yyyyyeeeahhh...but...I mean, no offence but you tend to fall for every girl you meet. Matt's just a little bit more...selective."

I *grumphted* but didn't deny it. It was true in a way...Matt's heart had turned to stone when Audrey had left him. I guess it was a good thing for him to actually 'feel' again. But why did he have to plump for the one girl I wanted right now? !  
And more preoccupying...why had he chosen a girl that wasn't single? He was gonna get himself hurt once more...

Chris sat on a corner of the wooden platform we were using as a stage and strummed on his bass while staring at the sea.

Meanwhile, Tom and I were getting the playlist ready, using Tom's computer which was connected to our amps' system.  
As we were chosing some Guns N Roses' songs he turned to me, "don't you want to get prepared, Dom?"

I checked the digital clock. "It's okay I've got plenty of time. It's only twenty to nine. Don't make me sound more dawdling than I already am!" Nobody was supposed to come before ten.

I should have listen to him...

Ten minutes later, Tom was singing 'Flash' by Queen at the top of his lung. Well, maybe 'singing' wasn't the right word, he was deafening and completely out of tune. I was actually only listening to Chris's cover of the bass line.

"FLASH! AAAAAAHAAAAA-URGPHaaaa..." he had practically choked on that one. I raised an eyebrow at him...and noticed he had stopped 'singing', had turned scarlet red and was staring past me.

I turned round and actually felt the blood leave my face.

Matt and Jade were standing right there. Giggling.

And I wasn't ready _at all_.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

"Damn him !$ }=sha! $ mrg7($+}rama\[hou ! " I was bitching at Matt under my breath while taking an extra-speedy shower.

When I had dragged him aside to ask him what the fuck she was doing here he had nonchalantly answered that he had run into her in the supermarket and had brought her back here with him. Even if she had wanted to popped home first to get changed, he had 'skillfully' convinced her that she already looked amazing.

"...skillfully convinced her gnagnagna and gnagnagna..." I jabbered on to myself as I was getting dressed. Music was already playing upstairs.

What a clever bastard. I had planned to stick with her as soon as she arrived. But now he was up there with her, doing God-knew-what while I was stuck in the basement's bathroom. And it was true that she looked amazing in her high-waist white pants and her, very flattering, low cut black top...more than amazing in fact. '_I can't beeeeeliiiieve I felt sorry for him just half an hour ago..._'

I think I never got prepared this quick before. I literally was done by 9:30...what a feat!

When I came back upstairs an awfull lot of people were already there. What was wrong with them? Didn't they own a watch? !  
I grabbed Chris's arm as he was passing by. "Hey, what are they all doing here? I thought we'd told them ten o'clock?"

Chris looked surprised, "yeah...but that was a week ago. Since then Matt has brought it forward to nine o'clock. Didn't he tell you?"

I was seething. I didn't even took the time to answer to Chris, I just got in search for Matt right away.

Fortunately for him...I found Jade first.

She was inside, hanging around the usual blokes, Charlenne, Lise, Alex, and Emily. No sign of Matt. Nor Kathy or Tom.  
These ones were probably out on the beach.  
"Hey!" I flashed my most dazzling smile (or so I'd been told).

She smiled back, "hey! So how are you, Beauty Queen? !" My smile froze in place. Beauty Queen. That was the nickname Matt had invented when he'd been exasperated with how long it was taking me get prepared.

"...Hale and hearty," I replied. I was going to **kill** Matt. Tonight.

Speaking of the Devil, he came rushing into the room right in that instant. I was about to swoop on him but I hesitated when I noticed he was running like hell.

"MATTHEW BELLAMY! ! ! ! ! ! !"

Everyone jumped. That had been Chris's voice. Or more exactly Chris's roar.

Matt was running around in circles, opening doors, lifting lids...apparently looking for a place to hide.

A wrathful looking Chris stormed in, "WHERE IS HE? ? ? ? ! ! ! !"

I immediately pointed the couch where Matt had just hid, "there." '_Let him do the dirty work..._'

Matt popped up from behind the couch, his hands out in front of him, "Chris, just calm down..." He actually looked like he was holding back giggles.

"YOU SKINNY LITTLE *BIP* AND *BIP* OF *BIP* *BIP* *BIIIIIIIIP* ! ! !"

Chris charged Matt who dodged him at the last moment like a toreador and they began turning around the couch, Chris chasing Matt.

They eventually got to catch their breath after a time, each one standing at a far end of the couch.

"Listen..." Matt said, panting, but panting less heavily than Chris, "...remember last week...when...after treating you of stalking wookiee...I said...I wasn't angry?"

What - in the name of God - was he talking about? !

"...Yes? !" Chris was bent over, hands on knees.

"Well...I lied."

"BUT IT WAS A FUCKING WEEK AGO! ! !" Damn. He had a lot of puff when he wanted to.

Matt grinned, "revenge is a dish best served cold."

"YOU..." This time Chris walked on the couch toward Matt and the latter actually had to escaped out of the front door. And Chris followed, disappearing in turn.

"Well..." I sighed, facing the others again "...show's over. At least for now..."

Charlenne looked astonished. "What was all that about? ! I've never seen Chris in such a state! I mean...what _happened_? !"

Tom stepped in, "I think it has something to do with Matt telling some crispy anecdotes about Chris to his new girlfriend..."

Curiosity won me over, "really? Like what?"

"Er...I don't have details but I've heard it's nasty."

I snorted, "doesn't surprise me. Matt can be such a baby sometimes..." What annoyed me the most was that Jade looked like she was worried. About Matt. '_What has he done to that girl? !_'

"Anyway, I've heard you guys went in class yesterday...wasn't too awful?" I grinned. God, I was glad all this was behind me.

We chatted for a while. I was told that my little performance's story had spread rapidly throught the school.

I beamed and began to brag, "well...I have always been a showman..." but I was interrupted by a high-piched squeak.

Chris came in through the door again, carrying Matt over his shoulder.

"You're definitely overreacting." I had to admit Matt had some balls. Even in this weak position he was still trying to talk Chris out of it.

"Well you see, Matt, in _my_ world, revenge is a dish best served _hot_," Chris said threateningly as he walked past us, carrying Matt ouside. Ooouuuuh I liked the sound of that!

Of course everyone went outside, to see how it would end up. Chris was heading toward the little pier near the house.

I burst out laughing evilly, "he's gonna take a bath!" I sang.

Matt seemed to realise it and he began wriggling like an eel. "CHRIS, DON'T YOU DARE!" He was squirming so hard that Chris had difficulties keeping on walking. And when Matt started tickling him, he was completely immobilized. They fell down and began wrestling in the sand. Chris was stronger but Matt was fast and swift. If asked beforehand I would have bet on Chris but now I actually thought it was a pretty even match.

I hesitated to go and help Chris out but the thing was...nothing was happening as I had planned! Matt had already drawn too much attention on him...everyone around me was captivated by their little show. Including her. You know, her, the target.

I suddenly had an idea that might save my evening.

"Hey, Charlenne?" She leaned towards me but kept her eyes locked on Matt and Chris. "How would you like getting to see the Music Room?"

Her head whipped in my direction and her eyes widened. "Really? !" We never brought anyone down there.

I grinned, "yeah, really." She burst out with joy, locking her arms around my neck, and she kept pecking my cheek.

"Alright, alright..." I laughed. If I had know she wanted it that bad I would have suggested it earlier...

"Just bring Jade along, alright?" I said grabbing her shoulders to look at her. She nodded eargerly.

While I was searching for the keys in my pocket, she grabbed Jade's hand and dragged her inside without any explanation.

"Charlenne? ! What the hell? !"

I followed them inside, grinning.

Charlenne was hopping before the basement door like a excited schoolgirl.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

"Welcome to the Den," I said, holding my hand in the air as I turned on myself, 'introducing' the room.

Charlenne was almost hysterical. But more important was that Jade too, looked very impressed. I swaggered around, extremely pleased with myself.

"Oh. My. God." Charlenne said. Jesus, she made me feel like we where superstars...

Jade mouthed a 'wow' and began wandering around in the room, admiring Matt's guitars and Chris' bass guitars...passing Matt's piano, running a hand on it...and walking closer and closer to my babies.

When she was standing directly in front of the drums she pointed them with a fingers and turned to me, smiling, "I guess these are yours?"

"Yep!" I grinned from ear to ear. "Well most of it is already upstairs in fact. That's the rest." I went next to her and sat behind my 'amputated' drum kit.

"A little private demonstration maybe?" She shoot me an irresistible look. "Sure," I answered in a daze, still smiling.

"Oh yes!" Charlenne clapped.

I located my drumsticks and cleared my throat. 'What am I doing? I'm not gonna sing...' Feeling a bit nervous, I started drumming a bit clumsily at first but then I grew more confident and went faster, always attentive to her reactions and trying to keep a good rythme. When I was done they applauded.

"Thank you, thank you..." I felt myself blush a little.

"That's really impressive," Jade said, "if I did that I would be exhausted in no more than five minutes!"

"Don't worry, Dom's got some strong muscles!" Charlenne pointed out as she squeezed one of my arm. We all laughed.

Suddenly the door up the stairs banged extremely loudly. Loud enough to half-unhooked one of the framed posters we had on the wall.

Matt appeared down the stairs, soaked to the bone.

He looked so coldly furious that I didn't even sniggered or anything.  
He crossed the room without a word, heading towards the bathroom, not once looking in our direction. His shoes squealed with each of his step, leaving a wet trail behind him. When he got to the bathroom he banged the door even louder than he had before. This time the poster crashed on the ground.

Silence.

"ISN'T THERE A FUCKING HAIR DRYER IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE? !"

* * *

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + 'Singing In The Rain' - Gene Kelly

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	24. Make Me Dream Your Dreams

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (2) Make me dream your dreams.**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

I heard a knock.

"WHAT? !" I barked.

Dom answered from behind the door. "I...just wanted to let you know that there _is_ a hair dryer...second drawer on the left." He was right. But I wasn't gonna thank him for all that.

I had to take a shower to rince off that scratching salt... Fortunately for Chris, the sea water hadn't been too cold. Or else I would have torn him apart.

"Big bullying gorilla..." I grumbled as I was buttoning up my shirt. Luckily I had left some clean clothes of mine in Dom's wardrobe, some underwears, black pants, red shirt.

I blow dried my hair and when I was done they looked like I had stuck my head in an oven full of gas and scratched a match alight.

I was battling with my tuft of hair when, again, I heard someone softly knocking. "Fuck off!" I snapped.

"Hum...Matt? It's me..."

'_Jade. Shit!_'

I hastily opened the door. So fast that her hair actually rippled up when the airstream hit her. "I'm so sorry, I thought you were...well, never mind." Charlenne had left the room and Dom was waiting down the stairs. Smart of him to have sent _her_...

She looked a bit nervous. "Er...I was just...coming to see if you were ready 'cause...Dom and Chris would like to know if you wanted to play right now or...maybe later, I don't know..." she stared expectantly at me, yet timidly.

At the far end of the room, Dom was closely listening, waiting for my answer. I had no intention to cancel anything, but they had pissed me off. '_Let Dom just marinate a bit..._'

"I don't know if I want to play tonight anymore," I stated, sounding deadly serious.

Disappointment washed across her face and guilt soared in me. Upseting her hadn't been my aim. But behind her Dom mouth had dropped open in shock.

"Why?" Jade softly asked. Dom was shaking his head sharply, looking panicked.

"Chris's pissed me off," I truthfully said. Dom dropped to his knees, silently begging me to reconsider. I had to bite my tongue to avoid laughing.

Without warning Jade took a step closer to me and gently cupped my cheeks in her hands. Looking deep into my eyes she muttered a heartbreaking 'please?'. In my peripheral vision, I saw Dom froze, his jaw dropping even lower. I wasn't blustering either. She had caught me completely off guard.

My heart was pounding hard in my chest and my mouth was getting dry. '_Is she hypnotizing me? !_'

I gulped. "Hum...okay?" was all I managed to say. Even if I had been serious, I would have probably changed my mind by now. She had some strong arguments.

Smiling, she released me then. Dom quickly rose to his feet again, looking relieved but also...irritated. '_Jealous?_'

Feeling like I had the right to take some liberties, I captured Jade's hand into mine and pulled her up the stairs behind me. I crossed the leaving room with her at my side and only let her go when we reached the little stage. I felt swollen with pride. More than that, I felt..._happy_.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

God, he was beautiful...his red shirt counterbalanced his blue stare perfectly, and I loved his messy hair, fine locks falling before his eyes...

"Hum...okay?"

I let out a sight of relief and dropped my hands to my side again. I still couldn't believed I had just made such a bold move...  
but at least he would be playing. It was all that mattered right now.

He grinned and grabbed my hand, pulling me up the stairs with him. I beamed at Dom as we walked past him but he wasn't looking at me. Still, I hoped he was happy that they'll be playing as planned...

I felt both proud and embarrassed to be walking through their mass of friends hand-in-hand with Matt. Everyone were staring at us...we broke apart once we got outside.

"Clean as a whistle?" Tom asked when he saw me and Matt approaching. Matt glared at him and he shut up immediately.

When Chris spotted us, he grinned but carefully drew near us, as if he was afraid Matt was gonna pounced on him any second. "I knew Jade would be able to sweeten you!" he said.

Matt didn't smile, but he didn't attack him either so...I guess it was a good thing.  
When I saw him grab his guitar and looping it over his head my heart jumped with excitement. They were actually going to play for us. Now. _Live_.

I quickly found my brother and Lise in the crowd (at least two hundred people, much more than usual for an evening like this one according to Tom) and they led me to the front row, where Emily, Kathy and Charlenne were already posted.

I was grinning from ear to ear, not really knowing why I was feeling so elating, they haven't even begun to play yet! Dom had just settled behind his drums and Chris was strumming on his bass while Matt was pushing away wires with his foot, clearing the stage of all obstacles.

Once he was satisfied he grabbed the mic. "Hey Everyone! How's it going?" We cheered back.

Without further ado, Matt and Chris turned to Dom and he began playing the drum intro of Showbiz. A cry of approval rose from the crowd. Next to me Charlenne looked like she was about to explode.

Matt closed his eyes and began singing.

_Controlling my feelings for too long_  
_Controlling my feelings for too long _  
_Forcing our darkest souls to unfold..._

Most of the people in the crowd were singing with him. I wasn't, I didn't know the lyrics very well (yet), but I was totally captivated by him. His powerful voice was sending shivers down my spine.

_And they make me _  
_Make me dream your dreams _  
_And they make me _  
_Make me scream your screams_

He took a step back and bend his knees as he made his guitar sing for him. I wondered how he could play so well with all these silver rings on his fingers...

_Trying to please you for too long _  
_Trying to please you for too long _  
_Vision of greed you wallow _  
_Rhythms of greed you wallow _  
_Vision of greed you wallow _  
_Rhythms of greed you wallow_

_And they make me _  
_Make me dream your dreams _  
_And they make me _  
_Make me scream your screams_

_Controlling my feelings for too long _  
_Controlling my feelings for too long _  
_And forcing our darkest souls to unfold _  
_And forcing our darkest souls to unfold _  
_And pushing us into self destruction _  
_And pushing us into self destruction_

_AND THEY MAKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE _  
_MAKE ME DREAAAAAM YOUR DREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAMS _  
_AND THEY MAKE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE _  
_MAKE ME SCREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAM YOOOUUUR SCREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMS_

It was perfect. Awesome. Amazing. Powerful. Epic. Unique. Fantastic. I FUCKING LOVED IT!

Matt dropped to the floor as he played the outro, till the moment when he had to stand up again to sing that incredible falsetto of his.

Wow. After the shivers it was the goosebumps now. I was actually convinced that he'd just reach an even higher note than in the studio version. Incredible.

Matt smiled at us, "cheers". Ovation. A _big_ one.

"Gee, it's getting hot 'round here" I said, fanning myself. The crowd had been jumping excitingly around me and I was really feeling hot. But it wouldn't be right to say it was because of the people around me. 'Cause I was sure 90% of my body temperature rising was due to my own internal effervescence.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Charlenne said, "in winter, no need of central heating. Just need Muse." We giggled. Pure giggles of joy for once.

After Showbiz, they played Muscle Museum. No need to say that it was incredible, unreal, brilliant, great, SUPERB, STELLAR, GRAND, MIGHTY, ROYAL, too.

"Do you know how many songs are they gonna play?" I asked Charlenne once the song was ending, speaking over the crowd's cheers.

She was literally red. Almost sweating. "UUUUUUHH I DON'T KNOW... I mean, I dunno, usually they play two or three songs. Showbiz, Muscle Museum and Cave most of the time... UH? !"

She'd stopped talking when Matt began playing the intro of _Uno_ and not Cave. I looked at Dom and he winked at me. I grinned back.

"Damn. They never listen to my requests," Charlenne pouted. I laughed. "Hey, next time can you ask them to play Sober?"

"No problem," I replied, giggling.

Jesus. That bass line was SO epic. And Matt sang it even more sensually than the studio version. Yummy.

After Matt's last 'you blew it away' I heard a guy say, "God, I would go gay for Matt," a few row behind me. Everyone burst out laughing around him and a girl answered, "I would too. If I were a guy that is..."

When Matt approached the mic again I expected him to say that they were done. But the best was to come.

* * *

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + Showbiz

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	25. Time For Symmetry

AHAHAHAHAHA... Yeah, I'm laughing at myself right now.

**WARNING**: *hostess voice* "The chapter you're about to read right now is pretty unreadable. This is due to the weird mental state in which the author was when she wrote those lines. But you have to bare with her. Because she _is _a Muser. And that's what happens when Musers listen to Muse's songs at _maximum volume _AND watch videos of Muse playing live...while writing. We are very sorry for the inconvenience and hope you will cyber-fly again with AirNBB soon. Thank you for your attention."

Videos I watched while writing it:

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=lWC6WQT33aA&feature=fvst

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=0NnfMvTKrBg - - - - - - You really should watch that one...just for Matt's final smile...hhhhaaaa...*melting*

* * *

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (3) Time for Symmetry.**

"The next song is called Plug in Baby. It's from our second album."

Charlenne jumped really high in the air. "WHAT? OH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" she grabbed my arm, "DID YOU HEAR THAT?"  
I couldn't answer, I was laughing too hard, but I was pretty excited too.

Lise grabbed her sister's shoulders, "Charlenne! My gosh, calm down! You're gonna end up with a heart attack!"

Matt had heard Charlenne's comment and he was laughing too. He changed guitars, using a red glittering one this time and went to the front of the stage, still smiling. But then he put a serious face on and I saw him mutter the word 'ready' to himself.  
Holding his guitar up in the air before him, he began playing what would become one of the greatest riffs of all time. (No kidding.)

It was my turn to act hysterical, "Oh my...I LOVE IT!"

We didn't know the song but we were all jumping nonetheless, in rhythm with Matt, who was more animated than he'd ever been before that evening, bouncing and spinning on the stage.

_I've exposed your lies, baby_  
_ The underneath's no big surprise_  
_ Now it's time for changing _  
_And cleansing everything _  
_To forget your loooooooooooove_

_My plug in babyyyyyyyy _  
_Crucifies my enemies _  
_When I'm tired of giviiiiiiiing ooooooOOOOOoooo _  
_My plug in babyyyyyyy _  
_In unbroken virgin realitiiiiiies  
Is tired of liiiiviiing_

_ooooooouuuuu_

Spin. Bounce. Spin. Spin. Jump. Personnaly I was just jumping, jumping, jumping and jumping.

_Don't confuse _  
_Baby you're gonna loose _  
_Your own gaaaaaaaame _  
_Change me _  
_Replace the envying _  
_To forget your looooooooooooooooooooove._

This time we all sang along.

_MY PLUG IN BABYYYYYYYYYYYY _  
_CRUCIFIES MY ENEMIES _  
_WHEN I'M TIRED OF GIVIIIIIIIIIIIIIING OOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOO _  
_MY PLUG IN BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY _  
_IN UNBROKEN VIRGIN REALITIIIIIES _  
_IT'S TIRED OF LIVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_

_and I've seen yoooooooour loooooooviiiiiiiiiin'_  
_miiiiine is gooooooooone ooouuuhooouu _  
_miiiiine is gooooone and I've 'een iiIIIiin trooooooOOOOOooUUUUuuuble ! ! OOOOOOOOUUUuuuuAAAAAAAAA  
_

Matt was on the floor once more when he played the outro.

The crowd exploded into cheers. I was clapping so hard that my palms were turning red. I curled my tongue in my mouth and whistled loudly, surprising everyone around me.

"Thank you very much!" Matt said. He was grinning brightly but when he saw Dom standing up he rushed to his side and whispered something to his ear. Dom shook his head vehemently. Chris joined them and the three of them talked in whispers from a while.

Interrogative murmurs rippled through the crowd. Matt and Dom seemed to be arguing about something.

"What's going on?" Charlenne asked next to me, loud enough for them to hear. Matt shook his finger at her as if to say 'wait a sec'.

I thought I'd read 'No way' on Dom's lips but Chris's voice rose a bit and it seemed to settle whatever was going on.  
From Dom's scowling I'd say Matt had won.

"... and don't sabotage it," I heard Matt say when he came closer to the mic again.

He didn't introduce the next song but he didn't need to. I recognized it as soon as he started playing.

A seductive 'ouuuuuuuuh' came up from the girls in the audience and Charlenne grabbed her hair, "oh no, not that one! I always fall in love with him when he sings it..."

Matt began to sing with his eyes closed. It almost looked like he was kissing his mic as a very tender expression spread on his face.

_You're just too good to be true_  
_ I can't take my eyes off you _  
_You feel like heaven to touch _  
_I wanna hold you so much _  
_At long last love has arrived _  
_And I thank God I'm alive _  
_You're just too good to be true _  
_Can't take my eyes off you_

Now his eyes were semi-opened and he sweept his gaze over crowd.

_Pardon the way that I stare _  
_There's nothing else to compare _  
_The sight of you makes me weak _  
_There are no words left to speak _  
_But if you feel like I feel _  
_Please let me know that it's real _  
_You're just too good to be true _  
_Can't take my eyes off you_

I jumped and 'sang' with the others. "PADA PADA PADADADADA PADA PADA PADADADADA PADA PADA PADADADADA PADA PADADAAAAAAAA!"

Now he was fully awake, a small smile playing on his lip as he sang.

_I love you, babyyyyyy _  
_And if it's quite alright _  
_I need you, babyyyyyy _  
_To warm the lonely nights _  
_Oh pretty babyyyyyy _  
_Trust in me when I say: OOOOOOOOOUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHHHH _  
_Oh, pretty babyyyyy_

His eyes looked down on me this time...and they _stayed_ on me.

_Don't bring me down, I pray _  
_Oh pretty babyyyyy _  
_Now that I found you, stay_

He was still lovingly gazing at me and my insides were beginning to melt.

_And let me love you, _  
_Baby let me love youuuuuu_

He finally closed his eyes and I mimicked him. It felt like I was floating in my own body...I understood what Charlenne had meant. 'Cause I was pretty much feeling in love with him right now. My heart was slowly but surely wrapping itself up in the warm coat of desire.

_You're just too good to be true _  
_Can't take my eyes off of you_

Some girls screamed in the crowd and Matt chuckled a little while he kept on singing. I opened my eyes to see that his were still closed. And they would stay closed till the end of the song.

_You feel like heaven to touch _  
_I wanna hold you so much_

God...he sounded like he was really meaning it...

_At long last love has arrived _  
_And I thank God I'm alive _  
_You're just too good to be true _  
_Can't take my eyes off of you_

"PADA PADA PADADADADA PADA PADADAAAAAA..."

_WWWWWWWWWOOOOUUUUUAAAAAAA LOVE YOU Baaaaabyyyyyyyyy,_  
_And if it's quite alriiight_  
_I need you, babyyyy_  
_To warm the lonely nights_  
_I love you, babyyyyyyyy_  
_Trust in me when I ssssaaaAAAAAAAAAY_

_Oh, pretty babyyyyy _  
_Don't bring me down, I pray _  
_Oh pretty babyyyy _  
_Now that I found you stay _  
_And let me love you, _  
_Baby Let me love you..._

He opened his eyes and lifted his guitar up over his head as he kept on playing it.

Matt smiled a lovely, shy smile when the public, and of course especially the girls cheered and applauded. It had been their last song for tonight and Matt rested his guitar against one of their amps.

A lot of people were gathering near the stage, some even climbed on it to talk to them. Everyone were very enthusiastic about Plug In Baby.

Matt came sitting on the edge of the wooden platform, not very far from me and Emily began rambling about how 'sexy' he had looked on the stage and gnagnagna...

Lise interrumped her a sec 'cause she was surprised they had played so 'many' songs tonight. ('_So many? Too few I'd say..._')

He answered that they couldn't agree on the songs to play so they decided to play more...  
I wasn't really listening 'cause I was still in a daze.

Charlenne snapped her fingers before my eyes and I slowy turned to face her. "Shit, he got you too, didn't he?" she said.  
Matt cast a glance at me when he heard that and my pulse quickened.

"Well...he would make an iceberg melt," I admited, suprising myself for confessing that when so many people could hear.

He had been looking at Emily when I had said that but a radiant smile spread on his face as I was finishing my sentence.

* * *

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + -

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	26. Talk with the Stars

Another annoying author note (that one really is useless): I've just remarked that most of Muse's fans have a Muse song as a ringtone. Personally I have Plug In Baby for calls and Hoodoo for texts. So...what's yours? ^^ Of course you don't have to answer that lol. It's just a little survey of mine. For fun. :-P

* * *

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (4) I would rather have a talk with the stars and play my guitar than phony chatter.**

"So, did you like it?" Dom asked. He seemed to be a bit down. I didn't know why but it looked like he _really_ hadn't wanted Matt to sing 'Can't Take My Eyes Off You'. I was curious but I felt like asking him about it would only darken his mood. So I held my tongue. Maybe I would ask Chris or Matt later...

"Of course I did!" I smiled with real enthusiasm, "It's so much better than just hearing the CD!" '_I have to say more...I know I have to say more...just to prove I haven't stared at Matt all along...problem is...I _have_ stared at Matt all along..._'

Then I remembered something else, "oh...by the way, don't you ever fear Chris's gonna break his neck one day? !"

He lightened up a bit, "yeah! Did you see that? It's impressive, huh?"

I managed to cheer him up a little. I commented on his very good drum playing and on Chris' bass lines, the electric atmosphere in the crowd, the Plug in Baby riff...basically I commented on everything I could think of that didn't include Matt or the last song. And it was working. Well, the alcohol helped too, he was finishing up his fourth beer right now.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

Hey girls, tell me, do you know why guys always have to kick off arm wrestling contests when they're drunk? It's like they always want to compare the size of their...well, you know. Anyway, It was Alex vs. Dom right now. And truly, I didn't know which one to support. 'Cause I wanted to please Dom but hey, Alex'd got to defend our genes didn't he?

It was a tight match but Dom eventually won. I was attributing it to his overtrained biceps.  
Of course, Chris was defeating everyone and Matt...well, Matt wasn't here. Again. He kept disappearing and peeping out when I least expected it.

Tom came to sit opposite Dom and planted his elbow on the table.

Dom grinned, "what are we playing for?" he asked.

"MMMMmmmh...how about...the winner takes Jade for a dance?" he looked at me, "if you don't mind of course."

Dom was waiting for my answer with so much hopefulness in his eyes that I had to chuckled softly, "no, I don't mind."

They grabbed each other hands and I noticed Tom ever so faintly winking at Dom. The latter crushed the former's hand on the table. I wondered if it had been Dom idea in the first place or if Tom had just genuinely decided to give him a leg up...

"I WIIiiiIIIiin!" Dom sang. I giggled. He was really squiffy... He stood up and hold his hand out for me, "Madame?"

Then he led me outside, stumbling a bit on the way and when we reached the beach a famous slow began playing.

"You must be kidding me..." I muttered, completely astonished.

Dom beamed. "Wha'? Is it too old?"

"Er...No." I smiled. "It's just...unsual. Nobody listen to that anymore."

He wrapped his arms around my waist. "Do you know what the song's name is?"

"Of course I do. It's Careless Whisper by George Michael."

"See? You know the song. Means you listen to it. And it's in our playlist. Means we listen to it. Well, not every day but..."

He kept on talking as I was making sure he wasn't gonna fall or be sick. Though regularly I had to put his hands back in their rightful place as they kept sliding down my spine.

"You know..." he began to say after a long monolog, "...I really like you."

'_Uh Oh. Not Good._'

I carefully answered, "well...I like you too, you're very nice to me..."

"No. I mean, I _really_ like you." He was growing serious.

I sighed and made sure there still was a decent space between our bodies. I had hoped it wouldn't come to that...

"Dom...you can't think of me that way."

He grinned and said: "oh, well...that's too bad. I least I tried!" but I saw pain picking through his mask of carelessness.

Feeling guilty, I was searching for something to say that would ease his mind, when I heard someone clearing their throat near us.

Dom looked over my shoulder and sighed. "I was wondering when you were going to show up and ruin everything..."

'_Matt. Obviously._'

I turn round and indeed it was Matt, watching us. "Sorry for disturbing. Can I talk to you for a sec?" He'd been looking at me when he'd said that.

I glanced at Dom. "Hum... Yes?"

"Whatever..." Dom mumbled as he let go of my waist.

For the second time that evening, Matt took my hand and pulled me behind him, away from Dom's hearing range.

Once he'd stopped, he scratched his head, looking a bit embarrassed. "Er... I just wanted to let you know that if you're looking for me, I'll be downstairs in the basement."

I was stumped for a few seconds. "Oooookayyyy...why?"

I believed he was blushing, couldn't be sure in the darkness thought. "Nothing. I mean, no particular reason. I just wanted you to know, that's all."

I raised an eyebrow. '_Okay. He's _really_ weird._'

"Why are you telling _me_ this?" I asked, frowning in puzzlement.

He looked at me a bit taken aback, as if he hadn't thought about it before now. "...I...I don't know. I guess it's because I feel you're the less likely to shout it from the rooftops..."

"...Alright. I mean, okay. I'll keep my mouth shut."

He thanked me and smiled an apology at me, before going back inside.

Dom hadn't moved an inch and the song was still playing. I went back into his arms frowning.

"What did he want?"

"I'm not sure... Does Matt usually...isolate himself from the rest of the people?" I remembered the night when he had laid down in Charlenne's frontyard. He'd been looking for a place to think. Away from the others.

Dom rolled his eyes. "Matt does a lot of things. Sometimes, he doesn't even know why himself. He can electrify the crowd one minute and go rogue to wander around alone the next moment. Just don't pay attention..."

I tried to follow his advice and relax a little as we kept on dancing. I actually wondered if his drunk state hadn't been faked, 'cause he seemed pretty sober now. And very gentlemanish. Unless he was trying a different method... But when the song ended he didn't try to coax me into dancing another slow with him and just followed me back inside.

As I often did when I was feeling a bit out of place, I took refuge in the safe haven of my brother's side.  
When the guys grew tired of arm wrestling they began playing drinking games and most of the girls were smart enough to stay out of it. _Most_ of the girls...

"Hey! What are you playing at? Can I play?" That had been Emily speaking. I hadn't really seen her around since the end of the 'gig'.

Many years later I would ask Charlenne if Emily was just plain stupid and she would answer that she was only really naive...

After her quarter had missed the cup for the third time and she'd swallowed another forced shot, Emily sputtered: "By the way, does anyone know where Matt is?...'Cause he told me to wait for a him a sec and he never came back..."

Dom cast a glance at me and I did my best to let nothing slip out. Had he gone downstairs to hide from her? It didn't seem likely...I wasn't picturing Matt as someone who would feel any remorse for voicing his thoughts.

For how many minutes did I manage _not_ to stand up in order to sneak downstair? Fifteen? Ten? Probably less. I didn't want to disturb him but I was very curious about what he could possibly be doing, down there, all alone... And he hadn't told me where to find him for nothing, right?

I had to be smart about it, if I didn't want to be giving up his location, so I waited until one of them had to drink to furtively wear away while everyone cheered the poor victim on. I quickly found the basement door and, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention to me, I skulked into the shadows and closed the door behind me.

* * *

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + 'Gold' - Kaile Goh

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	27. Take Me Somewhere Different

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (5) Take me somewhere different**

It felt like a different world. The stairs were plunged in darkness but light was coming up from the room down the steps. I could still hear the music but it was muffled so that it was much more quiet around here. I began walking down the stairs and swore under my breath when it creaked under my feet. When I was about halfway thought, I heard another type of music. Guitar. Acoustic guitar.

He was sitting cross-leged on a sofa and playing with his eyes closed. I stayed a long time like that, just leaning on the wall, listening to his playing. It was so relaxing...

When he opened his eyes and saw me he froze.

"Don't stop...it's beautiful," I said.

He smiled and resumed playing, looking down at his guitar. I came to sit next to him and just enjoyed the moment. When he was done I sighed of contentment.

"That was wonderful," I said. "What is it called? It sounds a bit like an acoustic version of Muscle Museum..."

He smiled, looking pleased. "It's kinda exactly that. For now I've just called it Muscle Museum 2... I know it's not very original, maybe I'll find a better name later," he said chuckling.

I rested my cheek on my hand, my side leaning against the sofa's back. "So...did you lone wolf come here to play or to escape an overgluey Emily?"

His eyebrows shot up and he slowly nodded. "Er...a bit of both I guess... How did you work that out?"

I smirked, "she's looking all around for you." Well, it was a bit of an exaggeration but...

He cursed, "you didn't tell her I was here, did you?"

I couldn't help but giggle at his worried expression, "if I had, I think she would already be in here... You know, it's a bit..._vainglorious_ of you to be reacting like that. Most guys would be pleased to have a girl like Emily fancying them...she's not bad looking."

Brown eyes, brown hair, short but slim, pretty face...in fact she wasn't bad at all... '_Bitch._'

"I know she's not. But I'd rather have her be pretty _and_ shut the hell up." He'd said it like it was obvious.

I snorted, "God, this sounds SO macho..."

It was his turn to smirk now, "I never said I wasn't."

I shook my head, smiling and he changed subject, "hey...wemember when you said you wanted to try and play the guitar?"

'_Has he just said wemember?... How cute._' I nodded.

"Well...how about trying now?"

"What...right now?" I said, arching an eyebrow.

"Why not?"

Indeed. Why not?

"Er...okay."

He handed me his guitar and taught me a few things before letting me try. According to him I was doing well, except for one annoying finger which didn't want to cooperate.

He chuckled when I started to get pissed off at that finger. "It's because of the piano," he said, "you've got to hold it like this..."

"Like this?" I asked as I was trying to mimic what he'd just showed me.

"Not quite...more like that...just...wait a sec." And he did something that I would never have expected. That I _could_ never have expected.

He stood up on the couch and slid down behind me, leaving me sitting between his legs as my back was pressed against his chest. He took my hand in his and gently placed my fingers on the strings the way he wanted them to be.

"You see?" he sofly said, "like this."

But I had some trouble thinking straight right now. He had caught me by surprised and I was blushing so hard that it felt like my skin would come off my face. I closed my eyes and tried to stay calm.

I could see a big red illuminated sign reading 'WARNING' in my mind.

On the one hand I wanted to spring onto my feet and run but on the other hand...I was dying to snuggle my face into his neck. He was smelling_ incredibly_ good. And was he running a fever or what? His skin was so deliciously warm... The mere feeling of his breath coming out on my neck was driving me wild.

'_Too much to cope with...just too much to cope with..._'

"Jade?"

I snapped out of my...daze, lust...whatever it was, and took his hand into mines. "You have really long fingers," I stated.

'_Ridiculous. You SO suck at trying to sound casual right now..._' But it was nonetheless true. He had impossibly long fingers.

He chuckled quietly and whispered, "so do you," in my ear before intertwining his fingers with mine.

Now an shrill alarm went off in my head and the 'warning' sign flashed. This time I lay the guitar next to us on the couch and _did_ spring onto my feet.

"Hum...okay...piouf...uh, give me a sec...I really suck at playing guitar!" I gibbered at him as I ran a hand through my hair, giggling like an idiot.

He had stood up too and was studying my face. He looked worried, as if he was afraid I was actually going to break into a run. "I'm sorry..." he said.

"What are you talking about? You didn't do anything..." I replied, shaking my head, my fingers still grabbing my hair. My breathing was slowing down, gradually.

He eased up a bit, and his eyes scanned the room...looking for something. "How about playing the piano? You'll be more in your element...and if you play for me, I'll play for you."

It sounded good. When my heart was beating to a reasonable rhythm again, I smiled and answered.

"Deal. But I'm playing first." I doubted I would have the courage to play in front of him anymore if I listened to him first.

He went behind his massive electrical piano and sat down on a stool. I followed him and did the same on another stool.  
He was waiting for me to start but the problem was that I didn't know _what_ to play. Lately I had been playing Sunburn (with my french windows securely closed) and there was _no way_ I was going play that in front of him.

"What's the matter? I won't criticize if that's what's worrying you..." he said after a minute.

"No...it's not that," I answered, chuckling. "It's just...do you have something in mind that I could play?"

He thought it over for a second. "MMmmm...how about improvising?"

"Oh no, I can't. I can't improvised." I felt myself blush once more.

"Why not?"

"I just can't." I tried to sound uncompromising.

He smiled but let it go. "Okay... Well then...you said you liked Bach and Tchaïkovsky. I've already heard you play something by Tchaïkovsky so...anything of Bach?"

Prelude in C. I wouldn't take too much risk with that one. It was simple but still beautiful. I started playing. I wasn't used to this type of keyboard but I enjoyed the sound of it...it was crystal clear, even for an electronical piano.  
I knew that piece by heart and I let the music flow out of my fingers, closing my eyes. When I was finished the melody was still echoing in the room.

I sighed and turned to look at him, as he's been sitting with with back leaning against the wall behind me. He'd crossed his legs and his chin was resting in his hand while he was gazing at the keyboard, looking faraway. When he noticed me staring at him, he ran a hand in his hair, uncrossed his legs and rolled his stool next to mine.

"So?" I asked.

He sighed, "it was...very nice and smooth...hard to do throughout the entire piece. Well done."

I smiled and felt the redness creeping into my cheeks again. I knew I had chosen the easy path with this song by I was still pleased but his remark.

"But..." he began to say. "Can there be a 'but'...?" he asked, searching my face.

I rolled my eyes, "of course, silly. That's the whole point."

He smiled a small, amused smile, but then he became more serious. "I think you need to..._feel_ the music a bit more. Put more life in it, more spirit, give away some feelings you know... Technically speaking it was flawless, but you did say yourself that music was a matter of emotion so...let me feel the emotion next time."

I frowned. "That's fair, I guess. But...I was under the impression that it was what I was doing."

He shook his head, "not enough. That's why you should try improvising sometimes, it's much easier to fuse with the music when it comes straight from your soul."

I felt my frown smooth down. '_So poetic..._'

He then cracked his knuckles (horrible sound) and said, "my turn?"

I nodded and gave him some space. He softly lay his fingertips on the keys and began playing.

Let me tell you...I had been damn right to play first.

I didn't know the song, and from the way he was playing it, I believed it was impro. It was...there were no words. Just the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.  
His hands were flying on the keys, as if the piano was a part of him. It didn't look like he had to think at all, just..._feel_, like he'd said before. And _I_ suddenly felt very emotional...

'_Jesus, am I crying? !_'

Yes, indeed I was. I discreetly swept away my tears and slowly breathed in and out. I was hoping I had regained a more neutral appearance when he stopped playing but apparently...not. Or at least not enough to be unoticeable.

He smirked, "aaawww, have I made you cry?"

I smacked his arm, "stop it, you're ruining everything! And no, you haven't!"

He raised an eyebrow.

"I mean yes, you have, a little...but I'm usualy not such a crybaby!" I said.

His smirk turned into a real warm smile. "Well, I'd rather see you cry out of emotion than sadness or pain...so, I conclude that you liked it?"

I sighed. "You mean I _loved_ it. Damn, I may be able to play the piano sometimes but you...you can make it sing."

He blushed a little, "don't exaggerate..."

"Oh please, you know it's true. You've got the flow that other musicians rarely have."

He seemed really moved by my words this time. "Thank you...very much." He smiled. "You know you have it too...that flow. You're just not ready to let it out of you yet. But it'll come."

I smiled back but I really doubted it. Not the flow that _he_ had anyway.

We fell silent for several moments. Without the sound of the piano, nor the ones of our voices, I was able to hear the music coming from upstairs again. It sounded like we were missing the party. But it didn't feel like it. It felt more like _they_ were missing the good stuff. Like Matt's playing...

All of a sudden I recognized the song that began playing. 'Unchained Melody' by the Righteous Brothers. My eyebrows shot up as I looked at the ceiling. God, if I had thought 'Careless Whisper' to be old, this one was..._ancient_.

"It may be ancient...it stills remains good."

I stared at him in shock, "have you...have you just read my mind or what?" He had used the _exact_ same word that I had been thinking about!

He burst out giggling at my expression, "it looks like I have..."

"Okay, 'kay, 'kay...what am I thinking right now?" I involuntarily glanced at his lips and thought about...kissing.

He made a show of looking like he was focusing hard, "MMMMMmmmmm... I'm not sure... Maybe stealing a wet kiss from me?"

This time my mouth dropped open.

When he saw my reaction he exploded into an amazed laughter, "oh my _God_, did you? ! Did you think about that? !"

I came round and shook my hand, "no, no, no, I didn't! What am I thinking now? !"

He kept on chuckling, looking both bemused and gleeful, "you did, I know you did..."

"What am I thinking right now? !" I hauled on his sleeve, "come _on_, Matt! What am I thinking right now?"

He looked at me still smiling and I thought about the stupidiest things I could find. '_A blue rhino in savannah, having tea with a tiny pink giraffe who's singing Céline Dion..._'

"I dunno...you and I having torrid sex on the beach, maybe?" he said, grinning from ear to ear.

I sighed of relief and let go of his sleeve.

"Well, I may have got it wrong this time but I was right before, wasn't I?" he asked, trying to catch my eye.

"No."

"Oh, come on! You can't even look at me in the eye when you say that!"

I huffed and looked _deep_ into his eyes. "No." But I could feel my lips breaking into a smile and my cheeks redenning.

He laughed again. "Yeah, I'm _really_ convinced!"

"Alright...I may have been thinking about kissing," I admited, "but not kissing you in particular..."

"Yeah, yeah, try to cover it... But it's okay you know, I don't blame you... I mean, I _know_ I'm irresistible."

This time I couldn't help smiling so I just shook my head and said, "you're impossible." He didn't answer but beamed at me, and indeed he looked irresistible. I loved his eyes...I loved _everything_ about him.

As I was watching him idly playing again, I remembered the way he'd been acting during that dinner...It felt like it had been centuries ago now. He'd been so wild, mysterious and moody so...disconcerting in a way. And now that he was opening a bit, there was so much more to him than just a rebel mind and gorgeous looks...he was creative, sensible, spirited, compulsive, unpredictable, intense..._exciting_.

As if he wanted to confirm what I had been thinking, he stopped playing abruptly and turned to me. "Would you like to dance?"

No less. No more. No fuss.

'_I should say no. I have to say no._'

"With pleasure."

'_Idiot. Cheater. Infidel. Weak!_'

As if it had become a bad habbit, he and I went upstair and crossed the living-room holding hands. He led me straight in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor on the beach, lost amongst the mass of other dancing couples. Even if there were less people than there had been at Charlenne's party, it still was pretty crowded. Lots of friends. Lots of admirers...

His arms circled my waist and it sort of mirrored the situation with Dom, earlier this evening. Excepted that I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him pull me close to him. _Very_ close.

As soon as we started to dance, the song ended and 'Wicked Game' by Chris Isaak took over. I quietly giggled in his arms and a lovely smile spread on his face.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing...it's just...I know all the songs in your playlist," I answered, smiling.

"That's a good thing...isn't it?"

"Uh-huh...I'm just surprised you have...programed...so many slows and love songs."

Amusement sparkled in his blue eyes and his returning smile was adorably lopsided. "Did you think we were a bunch of cavemen? Even the thorniest roses can have some soft petals..." I couldn't see any thorn when he was speaking like that... "And besides it's just the qualm before the sharp."

Usually soft songs were meant to _conclude_ an evening. "You never do anything straight, do you?" I said.

His smile grew bigger, "no. We don't."

We stopped talking then and just slowly moved along the music. It was incredible how it felt like I _belonged_ when I was around him.

_Strange what desire will make foolish people do..._

There was the same kind of conflict in me than there had been in the basement, with the 'guitar episode'. Except that it wasn't the same side that was gaining the upper hand right now. And so I did what I had been wanting to do earlier. I closed my eyes and I snuggled into his arms, my temple brushing softly against his cheek. His arms tightened around my waist and he pressed himself against me so much so that I could feel his heartbeat in his chest. His lips lightly touched my forehead, my hair...and I let mines travel along his jawline.

There were no signs, no alarms this time...to remind me that I was crossing the line, that it was such a dangerous game...I wouldn't stop. Why would I stop? When it was so delectable...

One of his hands slowly glided up my back, sending shivers up my spine, till it cupped my nape and he pulled away from me. Just enough to be able to look at my face. My head was spinning, my sight was blurry and his magnificent blue eyes seemed to have frosted over with desire too. His fingertips brushed against my skin to rest on my cheek and his thumb gently stroked my lips. I suddenly wanted to taste and savor the texture of his skin...

And then the song ended.

And everything changed.

* * *

Wow...I must have felt pretty romantic when I wrote that...

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + 'Gold' - Kaile Goh

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	28. I think I'm drowning, asphyxiated

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (6) I think I'm drowning, asphyxiated.**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

She was intoxicating. There was no other word.

I pulled away from her just a bit and when my hand cupped her cheek she leaned into my touch. I had never seen anything more beautiful than what I was looking at right now. Her lovely face, haloed by golden locks of hair, her semi-closed dreamy eyes, her mouthwatering lips...

I run a thumb on these lips and marvelled at their softness. '_Silk soft..._' They parted under my touch and her sweet breath filled my hand.

I was going to _die_ if I didn't kiss her in that instant.

I began to lean in when the song ended.

And everything changed.

'Sunday, Bloody Sunday' began playing. Sharp switch.

The veil of lust in her eyes was washed away and she tensed in my arms. I felt my heart break into pieces when she stepped away from me. She looked down and burried her hands in her hair, her features twisted by distress.

"I can't do this..." she wailed.

She began to hyperventilate as if she was about to cry but I couldn't comfort her right now...I had my own misery to overcome first. I couldn't bear to see her in such anguish and as there was nothing that I could do about it right now I cowardly fled. I left her alone and disappeared into the crowd.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

I was focusing. Hard. "Come on little dices, come on...be good with uncle Dom...and give me a fucking five."

I kissed both of the dices and threw them on the table. '_Two and...three_.'

"YES!" I sprang to my feet, holding my fists in the air for victory.

Everyone around the table grunted or whined "Shit!" - "No way..." - "You cheater!" - "Damn it." - ...

I sat down again and rubbed my hands together, grinning evilly. "SOOOoooo...new rule, yeah?"

Again, grunts and grumbled 'yeah, yeah...'

"What is he gonna invent now...?" Alex said, rolling his eyes.

"MMMMMMMmmmm...okay. I know. Everytime a 'three' comes out, Emily drinks." Yeah. That was a good one. I was pleased with myself.

Tom frowned, "oh come on, Dom...she's already dead drunk...do you want her to end up in a hospital?"

I raised an eyebrow, held my hands out in front of me and leaned back in my chair. "It's either that or each time a 'three' comes out _you_ kiss my feet," I told him.

He sighed and squeezed Emily's shoulder, looking compassionate. "Sorry Em'...good luck."

Alex had just thrown the dices (and nothing interesting had come out) when Chris and Kathy came back from their little tour on the dancefloor.

"Hey there, lovebirds! How's it going? Are the slows over?" I greeted them.

Chris shook his head, "no, I think there are still one or two..."

"Yeah, and then the good stuff begins," I finished.

He chuckled, "from your point of view. The point of view of a spinster!"

I rolled my eyes. '_No need to twist the knife in the wound..._' I was still recovering from Jade shutting me down...

"By the way..." Kathy began to speak and Chris looked like he wanted to stop her, but didn't manage in time, "...we've found Matt and Jade."

There was a bit of a silence. Apparently, it interested everyone... "Where...?" I asked, trying to sound _un_interested.

Kathy glanced at Chris, she seemed to regret having started that conversation. But now she had to finish... "Hum...on the dancefloor, outside...together..."

"FFFFFUUUUUuuuuuuuuuck..." That had been Emily's wail. '_Wow. Alcohol really disinhibits people sometimes..._'

Charlenne cuddled a sobbing Emily, "sssshhh...my God, you've got to stop drinking. That's enough now." She'd glared at me when she'd said that.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! I didn't force the alcohol down her throat!" I was annoyed. It felt like everybody were ganging up on me tonight!

I rose to my feet. "I'm gonna check out the playlist," I snapped, as if it was an insult. '_What a shitty excuse..._'

But I couldn't care less about what they were all thinking right now. I stormed outside, of course I didn't check out anything 'cause I didn't give a damn about the playlist either...I just went straight looking for them amongst the dancing couples.

'_What the hell are you doing, Dom? What are you expecting to find? What are you gonna do? !_'

I eventually spotted them. And I stopped dead.

It was. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . damn _romantic_.

They were embracing like they'd been lovers forever. The moonlight and the song were rounding it off. Just like a fucking scene from 'Gone With The Wind'...

_World was on fire, no one could save me but you  
Strange what desire will make foolish people do  
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you  
I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you..._

I suddenly felt extremely lonely.

I couldn't stop staring at them, and I stayed standing there like a pathetic idiot... People around me were starting to cast uneasy glances at me.

Their eyes locked together.

'_They're gonna kiss. Fuck! What do I do? Wait...why should I do anythin'? They're grown ups...they know what they're doing...I can't look...I just...can't look... RAH! Stop being a whinger, Dom!_'

But they didn't kiss. Looked like the change of song had broke the magic.

'_What's happening? !_' Matt had suddenly left her there. He walked past me without seeing me, his face stony. When I looked back at Jade I noticed she was shuddering and she'd covered her face with her hands.

I felt anger seething through every inch of my core. '_What has he _done_ to her?_'

I had two choices right now. I could catch up with Matt and wring his neck, or I could try and comfort Jade. I chose the second option. I would deal with Matt later...I knew where to find him.

I made my way through the crowd and when I reached her I gently stroked her head. She jumped and gasped.

"Dom! What are you doing here?" She wasn't crying but her breathing was labored. She seemed embarassed for having been caught in such a state, and so she tried to sound unmoved. But I wasn't buying it.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and forced her to look at me. "Jade...are you okay?"

She stared at me and tried to speak, "I...I..." but then her voice broke and she burried her face into my chest, "I can't, Dom! I can't..."

I held her close to me and rested my chin on her head. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Shhh...it's okay..."

'_Dumbass. Obviously it's _not_ okay._'

"I'm not a cheater Dom..."

Ah. It was taking shape.

I sighed and kept on stroking her hair while she was clinging to me, trembling. "It's not your fault," I said. "You can't help the way you feel...about Matt."

'_Now, that's the wisest thing you've said so far tonight, buddy..._'

She pulled away and looked at me. Still wasn't crying. She was strong. "But I can control it." She suddenly sounded determined.

"Er...I guess so." I was a bit taken aback by her abrupt change of mood. Like she had just twisted pain into resoluteness.

'_She reminds me of Matt sometimes..._'

"Jade? Something's wrong?" I looked over her shoulder, it was Alex.

'_Good. That's my cue to leave._'

Jade and I broke apart and her twin came next to us, and just like I had before, he gently grabbed her shoulders and looked at her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. She had regained a more normal appearance. "Yeah...I'm fine. I was just a bit depressed...I think I miss Jack."

Wow. She hadn't blinked. Her voice hadn't wavered. '_What a pretty good little liar she makes...I wish I had that much control over myself. You're my idol, Jade..._'

I wore away while they were talking. I had to find Matt. Even if she was pretty strong, he still deserved a good slap for what he'd done.

Once inside, I headed straight to the basement.

* * *

**You think Jade is being utterly stupid? Well, SO DO I.**

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + Time Is Running Out

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	29. Soul Crumbling Away, FIRST PART FINALE

**THE WAY YOU LEAVE ME WANTING MORE (7/7) I'll feel my soul crumbling away**

I banged the door so loudly that I was afraid I might have taken it off its hinges. When I was sure the door was fine I rushed downstairs, while taking a deep breath in, ready to bawl out. But I when saw Matt, when I _heard_ him play...the air slowly whistled out of my mouth without any yelling accompanying it.

I'd never seen him play like that. It was so loud, dark, angry, frustrated...his face was contorted with whatever dominant emotion in his mind right now. I couldn't believe my eyes...nor my ears.

I watched him play until he stopped, panting. I think he might actually have been afraid he was going to destroyed his piano if he kept going. He was staring at the keyboard and his breathing was slowing down progressively. He closed his eyes and soon his face smoothed down. Leaving him emotionless and ash-colored. He had used his piano as an outlet to deal with his emotions. Like he often did. But it usually didn't leave him so..._empty_.

Without giving me any indication that he'd noticed my presence in the room, he traipsed next to the couch and slumped down on it before covering his face with his hand.

'_What a mess_.'

I carefully walked towards him and sat next to him. He felt the couch sink down.

"What do you want?" he mumbled

God...his voice was liveless. I hated seeing him like that.

I sighed and took his hand. We were alone but even if we hadn't been I wouldn't have cared. He needed warm, human touch right now.

"Matt..." I didn't know how to start.

When I didn't continue he looked up at me. It's when I saw the devastated look in his eyes that I knew I _had_ to talk. "Matt, you can't let yourself react like that. She's just a girl, remember? Just a girl you barely know..."

He shook his head and closed his eyes.

"...Let me finish, listen. She's _not_ gonna leave her boyfriend for you. You've got to let that sink in."

He gulped and when he opened his eyes again, I was afraid he was going to cry.

"Don't worry she's not gonna leave him for me either..." I said, trying to joke. But it wasn't enough to make him smile. "She's a great girl, but she's not worth that much suffering for. No one is. She will be a fantastic friend but you've got to get over her...while you still can. Okay? And you've got to stop trying to make moves on her too..."

He seemed very weak all of a sudden but he slowly nodded and let out a faint: "I know."

I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand. He softly returned it.

"You know I think it's partly my fault..." I told him.

He scoffed. "How come?"

'_Good. He's getting some pep back._'

"Well...I was the first one to really go after her. If I hadn't implicitly challenge you to conquer her, you wouldn't be in that state right now."

He seemed to be thinking about it and then he tilted his head. "Maybe," he admited.

Suddenly we heard the music upstairs getting louder and then lower again. Someone had opened the door. We heard soft footsteps and Jade appeared down the stairs. She looked uneasy.

Matt stared at her a bit blankly.

"I- I was wondering if I could talk to you." She had meant 'Matt' obviously but she was faintly smiling an apology at me.

'_Yep. I'll leave you two alone. Hoping you won't strangle each other...or make out._'

"I'll be upstairs..." I said as I was about to stand.

But Matt crushed my hand in his. "No." His voice had sounded authoritarian but when I looked at him his eyes screamed 'please'.

"Er...okay, then..." It was now my turn to glance an apology at her.

She looked even more nervous and anxious now but she sat down on a chair opposite us and started to speak.

"I wanted to apologize. To you, Matt. For...my reaction up there." She was looking down.

"It's okay. I overreacted." It was supposed to smooth her but he'd almost snapped it. He wasn't going easy on her. I tried to tell him to calm down through our hands.

She flinched a bit at his words but this time she found the courage to look at him in the eye. "Listen...I really like you. All of you. And I don't want to ruin it. I wish you and I could be friends..."

Moment of truth.

He took his time to answer. A LOT of time...

"I...I know...I know you really mean it." He seemed to be carefully chosing his words. "And I'm sorry too. For the way I've been acting with you. I want us to be friends too. I promise you I'll behave from now on."

'_Piiiiiouuuff... Relief..._'

I couldn't help grinning. I was so happy I could have kissed him! And she smiled too.

He held his hand out for her. "So? Friends?"

Her smile widened and she took his hand. I knew what would come next. We'd done that a million times before. He quickly pulled her towards us and once she was trapped between the two of us we started tickling her until she beg for mercy.

**END OF THE FIRST PART**

* * *

title: 'Dangerous' - Depeche Mode + Falling away with you

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	30. Sing It Out Loud

Thank you, BTW, to blackoutdesire and especially to musearemylife (Cranberriez) for the MANY reviews :D

Love you guys!

* * *

**PART II: ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY**

**LONDON NIGHTS (1/4) Sing it out loud and let yourself free.**

NINETEEN MONTHS LATER

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

I quickly closed the car's door and I let out a big sigh of relief. _Of course_ it would be raining. '_April in London. What did you expect Jade?_'

The taxi driver glanced at Jack - who was still hooked to his phone - but then looked at me, waiting for directions.

"Market street, please," I said, glancing in turn at Jack, because his conversation was getting heated.

He was pinching the bridge of his nose and he closed his eyes, "no, Carrie, listen...but you're not listening to me! If we wait until Monday it'll never be ready in time!... Yes I know that..." He drew his phone a few inches away from his face and he mouthed a 'fuck' at the little thing.

I smiled a sad smile and stroked his shoulder through his wet coat. He turned to face me and gave me a look of apology.

"It's okay," I whispered. I was used to these long, tensed phone calls since he'd entered the LSOE (London School of Economics).

I leaned back in my seat and gazed out of the window. I loved London's streets at night. And if I hadn't been wearing a skirt this evening, I would've actually been thrilled it was raining. Rain by day wasn't nice. It made everything look grayish and gloomy. But rain by night...whenever we crossed an illuminated shop window every little droplet reflected it's light and turned into pure liquid gold or silver, depending on the color.

I felt my own phone vibrate in my purse and it pulled me back from my daydreaming...or was it nightdreaming?

I squinted when the bright white screen of my phone lighted up. It was a text from Matt. It read: 'test'.

I frowned in puzzlement and sent back *What?*.

He answered after a few seconds. *Holly shit! My new phone works in the tube!*

I let out a short chuckle. I was about to send *way to go genius* when something on the radio caught my ear. I smiled brightly as I recognised 'New Born'. And my grin grew even bigger when the taxi driver turned it up a little.

I finally sent: *way to go genius. OoS (NB) on the air right now. Happy anniversary!*

*;) Count on me for celebrating properly tonight. Where R U?* was his answer.

My smile faded a little. I knew 'celebrating' for him meant making out with the first cute, clean girl that he'd find tonight.

I moistened my lips and sighed before writing: *halfway down Oxford St. Stuck in traffic jam though. Be there in 10. What about you?*

*Just past Holborn. See U in a sec.*

I put my phone back in my bag and automatically began to headbang ever so slightly at the music. I was humming to myself when I noticed that Jack was about to hang up soon.

"...I'll call you back tomorrow. If you've got any trouble check out Jordan but not me, I'm not available tonight... Yeah, okay... No, I'm not angry...I know you're doing your best. Okay, 'night." He closed his phone with a 'clap' and sighed heavily.

He ran a hand on his face and then looked at me, taking my hand in his, "I'm so sorry Jade..."

"It's okay..." I repeated, trying to reassure him, "...it's not getting any better, is it?"

He sighed again, "no. I should never have taken her in our team...she's just so...damn slow!" he said whilst grabbing at the air in front of him, mimicking wringing somebody's neck. I laughed quietly but he added: "I'm afraid she's gonna ruin everything."

"Of course not. You won't let that happen. And Jordan won't either." I snuggled in his arms and kissed his cheek. "You're working too much, honey..." I added as I lost myself into his superb grey eyes.

He gave me a faint smile, "so you keep telling me..." he said before connecting his lips with mine with a gentle pressure. We were still kissing when the driver talked to us.

"There you go!"

We reluctantly broke apart and Jack paid the driver before opening the door for me. It was still drizzling and we hurried toward the entrance of the pub where we were supposed to meet the others. It was a 'Queen night' this evening and 'I Want to Break Free' was coming out from the hidden speakers, mixing with the ambient hubbub. That was why I was in love with this pub.

The smell of beer and wood filled my nose while we forced our way through the throng. We quickly found Chris and Kathy sitting at the end of a long table, the other seats currently unoccupied. The rest of the pub was overcrowded. As soon as they spotted us they waved at us.

I hugged Kat' while the boys shook hands. "It's been such a long time!" I said to her, "it's nice to see you again."

Jack and Chris left us the leather bench and sat opposite us on chairs. "How did you manage to keep the whole table for us?" I asked Kathy as I was taking off my trench-coat.

Her eyes sparkled with amusement, "well...Chris can be very persuasive sometimes..." I looked questioningly at him and he gave me a big innocent smile, drawing an invisible angel halo in the air above his head. I laughed in return.

"Any news from the others? It's twenty to ten..." the 'angel' said.

Jack shook his head but I spoke up, "Matt sent me a text earlier. He was still in the underground but he should be there any minute...and I think Dom's with him." I had purposely been staring at Chris during the whole sentence; I didn't want to see the unhappy look in Jack's eyes.

Matt and he were on good terms...more or less. But I knew he didn't like it when Matt and I texted each other. I guess I could understand... I'd never told him about what had _almost_ happened in Camburg but it was as if he had instantly felt it the day he'd met Matt. However, _most_ of the time they both made an effort to be civilized.

"Yep, there they are!" I heard Kat' say. And when I glanced at her, she was looking over my shoulder.

Indeed, Matt's red hair was unmistakable. It caught the eye like a lighthouse in the night. And he wasn't alone. Dom was with him, and Charlenne too...and Emily AND Tom.

Charlenne was guiding Tom forwards since the latter's eyes were closed as he was 'singing' along the music, making large movements with his hands, "...have myseeeeelf a real good tiiiiime, I feel aliiiiIIIIiiiIIIIIve...and the woooooooooooorld TURNing inside out yeeeaaah..."

Matt scraped back the chair that was to Jack's right, and so almost directly in front of me, and when my eyes slid up to meet his, he playfully gave me a wink. The corners of my mouth turned upwards, but I suddenly felt Jack's burning stare on me and I swallowed back my smile. The texts had been enough for tonight. I wasn't going to push it with knowing smiles.

Tom opened his eyes so he didn't miss his chair when he sat down, but he kept on singing regardless, "I'm floating around in ecstasyyyyyy so..."

And Dom, Charlenne and Matt joined him, "Don't. Stop. Me. Nooooooow...Don't. Stop. Me... 'CAUSE I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME, HAVING A GOOD TIIIIIME!"

Suddenly, by mutual agreement, everyone stopped singing and let the music continue alone. Everyone but Dom, who kept going for a few seconds, until he realised that he was on his own. His voice gradually faded while his cheeks were reaching Matt's hair color.

They surely knew how to make an entrance.

* * *

title: 'London Nights' - London Boys + 'The Golden Age' - The Asteroids Galaxy

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been edited and proofread by **Cranberriez** (formerly musearemylife).


	31. Your Childish Games

Hey there Musers!

Sorry for the shortness of this chapter...and its 'suckness' too lol. Don't think that word actually exists...but I'm not pleased with it. I just think it's a bit useless (the chapter, not the word). But I've written it so...I may as well post it.

And remember guys: smoking is baaaaaad for your health.

I don't smoke. Or at least, not anymore. Never been a big smoker anyway. What? It's true. I've smoked like...a hundred cigarettes in my whole life that's all. Do you realise that people who _only_ smoke 3 cigs a day end up smoking more than a thousand cigarettes per year? ! . . . . *NBB walks away, continuing her rambling*

* * *

**LONDON NIGHTS (2/4) I had it with your antics, your childish games.**

"...and that's when Matt told him: 'why do you keep diggin'?' and the guy just tried to grab us, and..." Dom was telling Chris about some 'adventure' that had happened earlier in the tube.

Matt was actively participating in the story telling, "...and Dom kicked him from behind while I was creating a diversion..."

"And he landed out of the train, miserably plotzing in front of everyone!" Dom finished.

"Yeah...he should have minded the gap!" Matt added and the two of them giggled.

I smiled and turned to look at the other end of the table where Alex and his beloved Lise had joined us. The whole little band from Camburg. Reunited. Just like every day really...

"...it's just like in that movie, you know, the last one with Al Pacino..."

"Sorry I couldn't call yesterday I was caught in..."

"How's work?"

Common chit-chat. Burst of laughter now and then. It was perfect. I looked down at my drink and reveled in this feeling of friendship, of companionship. I was always thinking we were all lucky... I was always thinking it wouldn't last.

I knew how pessimistic and negative it sounded but I couldn't help but feel we had the Sword of Damocles hanging over our heads, ready to shatter the fine ties that were bounding us to each other.

And so I cherished nights like this one, when everyone was happy to be together.

When I looked up again my eyes locked with Jack's. He'd been gazing at me, smiling. I was lucky to have him too. Sweet as an angel, handsome as a god...

I reach out for his hand and smiled back.

'_Perfect._'

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

Perfect...until Matt found his chosen one 'celebration' of the night.

Who was I kidding when I was saying I had totally gotten over him? Each time I saw him with a girl it felt like my stomach was being filled with acid. And I wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose or not...but he'd been literally _collecting_ hot dates for the past year. Always dark haired girls, curiously enough.

I had been merrily chatting with Charlenne when Matt and Dom had struggled out of the huddle, their respective giggling 'cowgirls' at their sides.

My smile slowly waned when Matt sat down. Had he just hunted down a model or what? ! That girl was drop dead gorgeous...and she had the most annoying laugh on the entire planet. Matt only had eyes for her as she was flicking her long brown hair around.

I forced myself to look away. No need to be masochistic.

In front of me, Jack was caught in an intense conversation with Alex, Lise, Chris...and pretty much half of the people around the table. A conversation about some movie that I hadn't seen...

Charlenne had left my side to go to the lady's room.

In short, I was feeling truly alone in that very instant. Was it too much to ask for a tiny amount of attention?

I huffed and rummaged through the stuff in my purse till I found what I needed.

Cigarettes.

Ah...bad, bad, I know. But it seemed to be the only thing that was efficiently appeasing my stress nowadays. I stuck a cig between my lips and went in search for my lighter. Rummage, round number 2. But before I could find it though, my lips suddenly pressed back together as the cigarette was nabbed away from my mouth.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I already knew who the culprit was. "Matt...give it back."

When I looked at him he was rolling my cigarette around the fingers of his left hand. The right one was around the shoulders of the 'model'.

"Matt, give it back!" I repeated, more insistent this time. I really wanted to go outside...

He was smiling, but there was no humour in it. "Nope," he said, shaking his head.

I sighed again. This was going to be a tough negotiation. "Okay. What do you want for it?" I asked, not looking at him. Simply because looking at him would imply looking at his 'model' as well.

"Mmmmh...let's see..." he mused. '_Money? A cake? A week of ironing?..._' I was letting my imagination run wild, "...nothing."

I stared at him in bewilderment. "Nothing?"

"Nothing. You won't have it back."

I glared at him. '_We'll see if I won't have it back..._' I waited until his gaze glided toward his model again and then took the plunge for it.

But he'd been expected me and my fingers closed on empty space, where his hand had been just a second earlier.

"Jade, you're being childish," he lectured me, without even turning his eyes away from that damn girl.

I really didn't appreciate his lordly attitude. 'Specially because I knew he wouldn't have acted like that if we had been alone. He was just showing off. And ridiculing me at the same time, voluntarily or not.

My nostrils flared with annoyance. "I really don't think you're in any position to preach at me," I spat out, "at least, what _I_ smoke is legal!"

He deigned to look at me that time. And he methodically spouted out his usual speech. "Perhaps. But what _I_ smoke doesn't contain tar, carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, ammonia, hydrogen cyanide, arsenic,..."

"Alright, I get it," I grumbled and suddenly met Jack's eyes again. He raised an eyebrow at me, which clearly asked 'what's going on?'

"Help me out, he's nicked my fag!" I whined, indicating Matt. Jack and the culprit exchanged a look and then the former innocently smiled at me, "I'm certainly not going to help you retrieve _that_."

I growled. Why did they have to agree now? !

"Matt. Give me. My fucking. Fag back." My patience was _really_ running out.

Matt's grin faded and his eyes narrowed.

Looking at me straight in the eye, he bent forward and held the cigarette between the thumb and index finger of his left hand. I was about to reach out for it but he'd had something else in mind. His right hand joined the left but on the other side of the cig and when I realised what he was about to do it was already too late.

"N-"

Too late.

My cigarette was dismally lying on the table. Broken in half.

* * *

title: 'London Nights' - London Boys + 'Love Long Distance' - Gossip

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by** Cranberriez**. :)


	32. You're protected

Oh and by the way guys, thanks for the nice 'welcome back' comments :).

* * *

**LONDON NIGHTS (3/4) You should never be afraid, you're protected from trouble and pain.**

"What have you done? !" I picked up the two pathetic white sticks and glowered at him.

He just shrugged and uttered a very unguilty, 'Oops'.

Before I could even calm myself enough to think of a decent reply, the 'model' chipped in, probably wanting all the attention on _her_. "Cocky...I like that," she purred, stroking his cheek. _My_ Matt's cheek. And to top it off he smiled back at her.

If we'd been in a cartoon right in that instant, smoke would've probably been steaming out of my ears. All my anger was now focused on her and I shot her a very hateful fleer. Apparently I looked ferocious enough for her to seem uneasy, for Matt to protectively wrap his arm around her and for Jack to try and distract me.

"Come on, Jade...dance with me," he said, holding his hand out for me.

"I don't wanna dance," I answered, my voice filled with threat as I kept glaring at her.

Jack took my hand with authority and pulled me up after him, "yes, you do," he breathed.

I grumbled but finally tore my stare away from her and let him guide me through the rabble. There _was_ a dancefloor. But it was so crowded that I was surprised Jack was able to find some space for us to dance. Well...at least 'Love Of My Live' was danceable.

He took me into his arms but we kept silent for a moment. I didn't dare look into his eyes and I suppose he was waiting for me to make the first move...

My feelings were SO very fucked up.

I loved Jack. And I probably...well, maybe not _loved_, but really cared about...was really attracted to...was really possessive on...Matt. Jesus, this all sounded like a bad cheesy B-movie scenario... Most of the time I managed to make it all work but it was always harder when Matt was flirting around in plain sight.

I huffed once again and Jack gently pulled a lock of hair away from my face. "Hey, calm down...why are you so tense this evening?"

"M'not tense," I mumbled.

He chuckled softly, "yeah, you're just taut like a string...but you're not tense."

I gave him a small, apologetic smile, "sorry. It's just...Matt's being annoying...and work is stressful at the moment..." '_Yeah. Blame it on work._'

"Poor love," he whispered before laying a kiss on my forehead. And that's all he said. Maybe because he couldn't think of anything else to say right now. Maybe because he was feeling I wasn't entirely truthful...

I closed my eyes and, with my arms tight around his neck, I tried to loosen up. The music helped since we were now listening to the best Queen song ever: 'Who Wants To Live Forever'.

By the end of the song I was floating in utter bliss. I toss my head backward and kissed him, thanking him for his kindness.  
But we were interrupted when something bumped into us, half drenching us with beer in the process.

I was disgruntled again and I looked daggers at the prat who'd done this.

"Wooooaaaa, uh, sor...heyyyyy theeeere sweet pie!" the prat gabbled. He was pissed off his face.

'_Great. Another idiot. Yippy..._'

I looked at him as contemptuously as I could and didn't answer. Jack and I gave the puddle of beer a wide berth and tried to resume where we'd left.

"Ahah...Cat's got your tongue?"

I blew out of my month because of the aggravation and Jack put himself between me and the drunk idiot. "She's with me," he said. He wasn't aggressive, but he was firm.

The prat was cross-eyed while he was trying to see Jack's face, "yeah well...you can share a bit, can't ya?"

Jack's eyes darkened and worry swelled in me when I felt it was getting serious. The drunk guy was _really_ drunk and he was taller than Jack. _Much_ taller. And Jack wasn't short.

"Come on drop it, Jack. He's not worth it," I whispered to him. Before the idiot could say anything else I took Jack's hand into mine and went back to our table.

But just when our friends came in sight a hand grabbed my arm and made me spin around. His grasp around my arm was so tight that I couldn't contain the whimper of pain that escaped from my mouth.

Before I could try to free my arm from his grip, before Jack could even react, a single sentence cut through the air.

"Hey, fuck face!"

The three of us - the prat, Jack and I - froze in place, and tried to locate the source of the disturbance. I found it first. Because I knew who'd spoken.

Matt was glaring at the prat...no, not glaring, glaring is not a word strong enough. He was shooting _flames_ through his eyes. He was in control but he looked more icily furious than ever...he looked _scary_.

The idiot was still holding me but his eyes were burning into Matt's.

"We're ALL with her," Matt stated as he gestured at the rest of the table, without breaking eye contact. "So keep your hands to yourself, or you're fucking dead. Got it?" he hissed, his voice fairly dripped with venom.

The prat didn't let go of me yet but his eyes slowly travelled around Matt. Chris was tapping his fingers against the top of the table, Dom and Tom were glowering at the guy, ready to back Matt, Alex cracked his knuckles. Even Charlenne looked like she could have thrown her glass at the guy's face any second.

I was still in pain but I had to look down and to curl my lips inward to avoid smiling.

Without any last word the prat finally unhanded me and retreated until he disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

title: 'London Nights' - London Boys + 'Hoodoo'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by** Cranberriez**. :)


	33. Bend or Break

I know this has nothing to do with the story, but any Muse's fan should check this out:

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=rNszXApYDMw - - - - - - - - - - That woman ROCKS.

You should also watch her cover of 'Butterflies and Hurricanes' (which is A-MA-ZING), 'System Of A Down - Toxicity' is great too, I don't like the song but I like her cover...and 'Metallica - Enter Sandman' is pretty bad ass. First time headbangging at a piano. Fact. There is 'Creep' by Radiohead too...'Sweet Child o' Mine' by Gun N' Roses...in fact a LOT of her stuff is awesome.

My A.N. are beginning to sound like classified ads pages...lol.

* * *

**LONDON NIGHTS (4/4) It could bend or it could break.**

I was grateful for Matt's interference but I was still pissed off at him because of the whole cigarette thing. So I went back to my seat without thanking him.

But I don't think he even noticed 'cause he was still at boiling point. "Fucking twat..." he mumbled.

Charlenne leaned back in her chair, "Jesus, guys can become such arseholes when they're drunk!"

I nodded at her, "you've said it. But maybe that one is an arse even when he's sober. It wouldn't surprise me..."

She chuckled and I thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, but Jack said something that I wasn't expecting at all.

"I don't think that was necessary."

I frowned and glanced at Charlenne. She seemed to be just as surprised as I felt. When I looked back at Jack he was staring at Matt...and the latter was staring back.

"Excuse-me?" Matt asked, looking astonished.

"I said...I don't think your intervention was necessary. I would've gotten him off her."

Matt snorted, "well, I'm _sorry_...but _I_ think I've just prevented you from ending up with a black eye."

Jack was about to strike back but I overtook him. "Jack, please..." I could feel it. The Sword of Damocles dangerously shaking. His eyes flicked to mine and he eased off a bit. But all this had cast a chill over the table.

I searched for my cigarettes again and took the whole pack and lighter with me this time. I beckoned Jack to come with me and stood up. He looked puzzled but did the same. Matt had watched our little exchange with curious eyes.

When I walked by him, I made sure to keep my stuff away from his gripping range. He noticed and slowly shook his head.

"Junkie," Matt threw.

"Thief," I replied.

I saw a small smile grace his lips before he was out of my field of vision and it warmed up my heart a little.

Thankfully it'd stopped raining. I walked a few steps away from the pub's door and - finally - got to light my cigarette in peace. It almost instantly soothed me. Maybe I _was_ getting addicted...

Jack traipsed past me and leaned against a street lamp. He was looking down at his feet.

"So...what was all that about?" I began.

He still wasn't looking at me. "I don't..."

"Jack," I cut him off. He perfectly knew what I had meant.

He sighed and then shifted against the lamp before answering. "I just...I just wish he would stop being so protective of you..."

"That's not it. He's my _friend_, Jack..." I'd stressed the word 'friend' and somehow, deep down...it sounded off. "Of course he's being protective of me. Just like Alex, just like Dom...you should be happy for me, having someone I can rely on."

He eventually looked up at me and I didn't like seeing him so troubled. "Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you?" I gently asked him as I came to stand less than a foot away from him.

I lost his eyes again. "Do we have to talk about this now?" He sounded apprehensive.

I took a drag on my cigarette and shrugged. "Why not? Now's as good a time as ever."

Jack didn't say anything for a long time and I was beginning to think that I'd have to worm it out of him but just when I was about to he spoke up.

"He makes me feel insecure," he muttered.

I winced. That was exactly what I'd been trying to avoid all this time. '_We really should've talked about that earlier..._'

I placed my free hand on his cheek. "Jack...who am I with?" I said.

"But it's not-"

"Who am I with?" I repeated.

I caught his eyes again and he answered, "you're with me." As soon as he finished his sentence, his lips broke into a small smile, as if the realisation was just sinking in.

"See?" I whispered, "and it's not going to change."

His smile widened and he dipped down, requesting a kiss, which I willingly gave. Yet he pulled away earlier than I'd imagined and a strange expression spread on his face.

"You know he's right on one point thought," he said. I arched an eyebrow and he indicated my shortened cigarette with his thumb. "You _really_ should quit. You taste like tobacco and it's not my favorite flavour."

I grunted and took a step back before throwing the fag away. Then I gave him a look that asked 'satisfied?'. But he didn't seem satisfied at all. When I understood why I grunted louder than before, bent down to pick up the stub, and chucked it in a trash can, after I was sure that I had properly extinguished it.

"There. Happy now?"

"Yes," Jack answered. He pulled me close and leaned in for another kiss but I turned my face away. "You know, I still smell and taste like smoking, and since you don't like it, I don't see why you should-"

He seized my chin and pressed his lips to mine, efficiently shutting me up. After a long, delicious kiss he pulled away and smiled, "but you don't _feel_ like it."

I beamed back was about to demand more kisses but a gust of cold wind blew past us and I violently shivered. '_Damn skirt..._'

"Come on you're chilling, let's go back inside," Jack said as he enveloped me in his jacket, 'cause _he_ had been smart enough to bring one.

However, as soon as we entered the pub again I took it off of my shoulders, it was so hot in there! 'Another one bites the dust' filled my ears and I began to jiggle to the music, almost gloating. My mood was changing so quickly these days...

"How do you think I'm going to get along, without you, when you're gone..." I sang when I sat down at our table again.

Thankfully, I only glanced at Matt and his girl once I was seated. Because if I had done so while standing, it would have been more obvious that I had just frozen.

They were disgustingly snogging. No more needed to be said. My heart was in my mouth and I was feeling sick. Talk about mood swings...

"Jade? Are you okay?" I heard Charlenne ask me, "you look a bit...off colour."

The lump in my throat deterred me from answering but Matt was now aware of my presence and he broke away from this _bitch_. Our stares merged together and his blue eyes presented an indecipherable expression. I guess the only thing _mine_ could give away was raw physical pain.

Freddie Mercury's voice was all around me but right now it was another type of lyrics that were haunting my mind.

_You make me sick, because I adore you so._

Funny how this bit of 'Space Dementia' fitted so perfectly my situation tonight...

Matt set me free by looking away after a few seconds and I was able to put on a good act for the others. "I'm feeling dizzy...probably the temperature contrast," I uttered with a small voice. The small voice wasn't faked...and Jack looked concerned. That only increased the size of the lump.

"Don't worry, you'll get better!" Charlenne reassured me while she patted my back. '_I hope so..._'

"Anyway... Hey everyone!" she exclaimed, "I just want to use the fact that we're all here around the table right now to wish the guys a happy anniversary!"

Many 'Happy Anniversary!'s were cheerfully addressed to Matt, Dom and Chris, who responded with various colours and shapes of blushes and smiles.

"It's been a whole month now," Charlenne continued, "so let's raise a toast...to Origin of Symmetry!"

"TO ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY!" we all whooped in unison.

I drained my drink and leaned against Jack, who'd got the very good idea to sit beside me this time. I closed my eyes as I hid my face from the others, trying to forget about Matt. Trying to forget about his damn model.

Trying to forget that my heart was still torn in two.

In short...trying to forget that I was still up shit creek...and without a paddle.

And this had been my daily life. For the past nineteen months.

* * *

title: 'London Nights' - London Boys + 'What If' - Coldplay

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez. **:)


	34. Morning Mood

Holy fuck! ! ! I wrote 'coach' instead of 'couch' TWICE in the 27th chapter and NO ONE told me about it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

*goes hide into a hole*

* * *

**THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAY, LET'S DO THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DO (1/5) Morning Mood**

My eyes slowly fluttered open. Soft morning rays were seeping in, getting through the shutters, and bathing the room in dim light. I took a deep, long breath in and rubbed my eyes. We had partied well into the night and it must have been around 10 or 11 am...

I cast a glance at my clock for confirmation and learnt that it was in fact 12:35 pm. So much for _morning_ rays... I stretched in the bed and soon my eyes were closed again. It was Saturday. No pressure. '_Just one more hour of sleep..._'

Problem was that my bladder was full to bursting. It made it quite difficult to fall asleep again; my belly was almost hurting because of it.

When I decided that I _wouldn't_ be able to go under any more, I extricated myself from the tangle of sheets, doing my best to let Jack sleep in peace.

I stealthily tiptoed over to our closet and seized the first thing that came under my grip. One of Jack's shirts. It was a bit oversized even for him, so I was literally lost in it. It looked more like a weird, wonky dress on me. That and my panties, it would be enough.

I slinked out of the bedroom and quietly walked across the apartment. It was plunged in silence. The noises coming from the street below were just a distant buzzing, filling the background.

Not only did I spend a penny, but I also used the opportunity of being up before everyone else to occupy the bathroom. On regular weekday mornings it was always being mobbed, so I never missed the chance to claim it first.

After a short shower and a - rather painful - hair disentangling session, I was fully awake.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, the flat was still as quiet as ever. I hesitated for a second, a bit at loss with what to do next. Then my stomach rumbled with hunger and I had my answer.

I entered the living-dining room and headed towards the kitchenette. I started to boil water but suddenly my mind registered that there had been _red_ in my peripheral vision when I'd come into the room.

'_Red? It can't be..._'

I turned full circle.

And it actually _was_ him.

"Matt? !" I exclaimed with a hushed voice; I didn't want to wake anyone else. He was bare-chested and sitting on a chair, leaning over the dining table. His head was resting on a cushion and he seemed to be fast asleep.

"Matt!" I said again as I came next to him and I tried to gently shake him awake. "Matt, what the hell are you doing here? Don't tell me you've spent the entire ni- ...morning sleeping on the table!"

Matt half moaned, half grunted and mumbled something that sounded like 'damn goblins' before turning his face to the other side.

"What?... C'mon Bells, wake up!" I went to the other side of the chair in order to be able to look at his face again and I found myself softened by his peaceful expression.

I felt my lips curl up into a small smile. I tenderly caressed his nape hair and he shuddered in his sleep. "Matthew," I whispered, "why didn't you use the cou-"

I fell silent when I _saw_ the reason why he hadn't used the couch. The fucking model was sleeping on it. That was why Matt had been left with nothing more than a bloody chair!

"WHAT THE HELL IS _SHE_ DOING HERE? !" I scolded, not caring anymore about being quiet.

Matt abruptly woke up, yelling "DUMBLEDORE!" as he sat bolt upright. That had been unexpected enough for me to forget about the model for a couple of seconds.

I looked down at him as if he'd just come out of a flying saucer. "Jesus, Matt...you surely have strange dreams...or nightmares, I don't know..."

But then the %*$ $ :! who had served as 'sex doll' was stupid enough to remind me of her presence in the room.

"Mmmmmm...what time is it?" she sleepily meowed, as she poked her head out of the blanket that she was using as a sheet. My head snapped up and I thundered toward her, "it's time for you to go!" I quipped as I lifted her up. My eyes quickly darted away when I realised that she was wearing nothing more than a string.

"Bloody hell, put something on!" I spat out. Hello grumpy morning mood...what a lovely way to begin the day.

Behind me Matt muffled a chuckle...but I wasn't smiling at all. The girl took in my face's expression and started to collect her clothes hastily.

"Calm down, Jade..." Matt said between two yawns. "No need to get all steamed up, you'll only end up with a headache..."

'_Patronizing again._'

"I _am_ calm..._Matthew_."

'_If I weren't calm, I would be yelling at her what I'm really thinking... Which is approximately: GET OUT OF MY FLAT YOU SKINNY SLUT._'

Once she was dressed I pushed her towards the front door. "Hey, wait, can I at least eat something before going?" she whined.

"You'll breakfast at your place!" I coldly answered as I opened the door.

"Or take a shower maybe? That'd be nice..."

"NO!" I shut the door in her face.

I turned around but just when I was about to walk away from the door I heard her shout on the other side. "YOU WANKERS!"

I opened it again in a flash and she jumped. "I'm sorry, did you say something?" I asked, playing dumb but glaring at maximum output.

She gulped, "hum...no, nothing."

"Good."

I closed the door _again_, hoping that I'd never see her face again. And I wouldn't. I could hear her rushing down the stairs.

When I entered the main room again, Matt was languidly stretching himself, still sitting on the chair. It resulted in him dangerously leaning back, and the two front legs of the chair were rising up.

At first I was worried he would fall but when I noticed the big smirk that spread on his face I forgot all about concern and felt only irritation.

"What are you smiling at, muggle?" I grumbled while I picked up something that I believed to be his t-shirt from the previous night.

"Oh, nothing," he said, still grinning, as he sat normally again, "it's just that I love watching a lioness in action, you know...defending her territory and everything..."

I efficiently removed his smirk from my sight when the t-shirt I'd thrown at him, and that he'd failed to catch, landed on his face.

"That's for allowing that easy lay to sleep almost naked on my couch."

* * *

title: 'Let's Do The Things We Normally Do' - Dido + 'Morning Mood' - Grieg

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez. **:)


	35. I'll be there for yooouuu

I don't know what happened to me when I wrote that chapter but it ended up being quite...bizarre. I was very hyper and I think it's visible ^^. But anyway, I had fun writing it so I hope you'll have fun reading it!

* * *

**THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAY, LET'S DO THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DO (2/5) I'll be there for yoooouuuuu**

When he put the t-shirt on, and his face reappeared, the cheeky smirk was still there, even bigger than before. I turned round in order not to see it anymore and carried on doing what I'd started before, that is: preparing the breakfast. Or _my_ breakfast at least. However, because I didn't want to be sulking any longer, I was kind enough to ask him:

"Coffee or tea?"

"Well, you're obviously making tea...so I'll take coffee."

I stopped what I was doing to slowly face him and I gave him a look that clearly said: 'are you shitting me? !'

The smirk had finally been replaced by a small smile and his eyes answered 'you're so predictable.' "Just kidding. Tea'll be perfect," he said outloud.

"It'd better be," I grumbled under my breath as I poured the boiled water over tea bags. I put the lid back on before bringing the teapot on the table and placing a cup in front of him.

"Thanks Princess," Matt said as he yawned again.

I went back to the kitchen-bar, grabbed an apple on the way and sat on a high stool. Meanwhile Matt had pulled the teapot toward him, producing a long screeching sound. When I looked at him again, he'd lifted the teapot's lid and was intensely observing what was in it. I wondered if he was trying to estimate how much time it'd take for the tea to infuse...or if he was just searching for something to nitpick on.

"I didn't put anything _weird_ in it, Matt," I mocked him.

He wrinckled his nose, as if he wasn't convinced, but laid the lid down, beside the teapot. I kept watching him while I ate my apple. He noisily stretched his back and arms again and ran his hands in his - already messy - hair a couple of times.

Matt broke the silence after a minute. "You didn't answer her...do you _know_ what time it is?"

I glanced at my left wrist out of habit, but there were no watch there. "Er, should be 'round 1 pm..." I tried to say with my mouth full.

He nodded and then spaced out for a few minutes again. When there was only an apple stump left in my hand, Matt apparently decided that the tea was ready. He seized the teapot handle and started to lift it up to his mouth. My blood began to boil.

"Matt..." I warned him.

I knew he'd heard me, because of the 'Mm?' he'd uttered in return, but he kept going. So I did the only thing that I knew would stop him in time. I plunged my hand in the fruit basket and search for something round. When I found an orange, I grabbed it, aimed, and threw it at him.

The orange hit his forehead, making a muffled thud, and then bounced a couple of times on the table. He'd jumped at the impact, and when he realised that _I_ had thrown it at him, he stared at me with a mixture of astonishment and anger.

"OW! What was that for? !" he exclaimed, with an exaggerated cry of pain.

"You know that I _hate_ when you do that!" I answered, pointing at the teapot.

Matt was still frowning, but his eyes went back and forth between me and the teapot a few times, until he finally understood. He huffed loudly but brought the cup I'd given him closer to him and poured some tea in it. "So damn conventional..." he grumbled as he took a sip.

I snorted, "_conventional_? Matt, I just don't want _your_ bacteria in _my_ teapot!"

He grumbled again. "'t's not _your_ teapot."

My eyebrows went up. "Oh really? Then whose teapot is it?"

"It's...the teapot...of...this house," he tried to argue as he took another gulp.

I chucked my apple stump in the trash can, took a banana this time, and came to sit opposite him. "Maybe. But I live here and you don't. So it's still more my teapot than yours."

He laid the cup back in its saucer and joined his fingertips together, as if he was some kind of schoolmaster about to teach a lesson to his pupil. "Dom lives here too. Fact. Anything that belongs to Dom, belongs to me. Fact again. So it means that half of the teapot is mine. _Fact_."

Then he shrugged as if to say 'that's so logical' and took his cup again. Apparently, from his point of view, the case was closed.

I pointed at him with my banana, just like I would have done with a gun really, and said: "half? There're five of us living here, Matt."

Whoa.

Wait, _pause_.

I guess I should explain a bit. So backwards in time.

z z z z v v v f r r V V V V V V V V V V F F F R R Z Z Z V V V V O O v v v v o u i v ! ! !

(That was my attempt at expressing what a tape rewinding would sound like. For those of you 'round here who are old enough to remember what it sounded like XD. )

So. Do you remember when I said that the moves were always excruciating because we had to leave everyone behind? Well, this time, it didn't happen.

Basically, Matt, Dom and Chris came to London to record 'Origin of Symmetry', Tom followed them, and the rest of us succeeded in finding schools or universities in the capital as well. Us meaning Alex, Lise, Charlenne, Emily, Jack and myself. Kathy was the only one who'd been left behind, since she had already started her studies at Belmont Hall, it would take some time for her to be able to switch universities. But she managed to come to London pretty often and, when she couldn't, it would be Chris who'd travel to Camburg.

Since the housing prices in London were so damn high, the highest in Europe in fact, we'd had no choice but to live in shared apartments, becoming all roomates. It had been the only way for us to actually live _in_ London and not in the suburbs. I was sure that, with their increasing earnings, the bandmates could have bought their own flats or at least rented their own flat, but they always rejected the idea of dissociating themselves from us.

Well, it was mainly Matt and Dom in fact. I think Chris wouldn't have minded it...he and Kathy would probably take their own place once she'd be permanently living in London. But Matt and Dom apparently _liked_ the proximity, and the 'Friends' touch of it.

The ten of us couldn't be all living in the same apartment thought. That's why we had to separate into two groups. I was living with Jack (obviously), Dom, Charlenne and Emily. Matt, Chris, Tom, Alex and Lise had taken the other flat, that was just two doors down the street.

The ones I was living with and I had this little private joke of calling the others the 'Dimies' which actually meant the 'diminutives'. Matt for Matthew, Chris for Christopher, Tom for Thomas, Alex for Alexander and finally Lise for Elisabeth.  
Now, maybe the joke itself sucked, but we always sniggered a lot when the Dimies were deliberating among themselves to try and figure out _why_ we actually called them the Dimies.

Personally, I thought it was obvious. But maybe it was just because I already knew the answer.

The choices we'd made, to decide who would go in this apartment and who would go in that one, were pretty simple. The sisters, Charlenne and Lise, had wanted some distance between them. Alex and I hadn't wanted to live with each other _and_ our respective sweethearts at the same time. Dom had wanted to live in the flat where they would be a majority a girls ('cause it would be cleaner).

And last but not least, Matt hadn't wanted to live with Jack and I. Even if he had never said it outloud. Well...in fact he'd told Dom once. And...Dom spoke in his sleep. I guess that made Dom not a very good confident.

Anyway.

Forwards in time. Back to Matt, the banana and the teapot.

_Play_.

* * *

title: 'Let's Do The Things We Normally Do' - Dido + 'I'll Be There For You' - The Rembrandts **(I laughted at myself for choosing that title...it's just _my_ little private joke.)**

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	36. I'll let it pass and hold my tongue

Thank you to MatthewBellamyIsMyMuse (isn't he to all of us? ;) ) for the review. :)

* * *

**THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAY, LET'S DO THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DO (3/5) I'll let it pass and hold my tongue.**

Matt took a few seconds to find his answer. "Okay, well then a fifth of the teapot."

I sighed as I peeled my banana. The problem with him was that he always wanted the last word...and so did I. "And how can you be sure that your bacteria will gather in your fifth of the teapot? Huh?"

He was about to reply again but we were interrupted by a third, slumbering voice. "Don't tell me you've woken me up because of a fucking teapot..."

"And good morning to _you_, Dom," Matt told a sleepy looking Dom, who'd just come out of his room, and thereby ended our little quarrel. "Or good afternoon may be more acurate..."

Dom yawned loudly and slumped down into a chair at the end of the table, between Matt and I. "Afternoon? What, already?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah. And let me clarify that I don't think it was the teapot that woke you. I'd rather bet on Jade expressing her jealousy...just a few minutes ago."

I was speechless for an instant. "What? ! What jealousy? !" Ending a hassle just to begin another one. A more embarrassing one. Yeah, that sounded like Matt.

"Well, the way you chucked out that poor girl...it wasn't really nice you know."

'_If it wasn't nice then why are you smiling so brightly?_'

I faced Dom, who was annoyingly smiling too, and explained: "it had nothing to do with jealousy. I just don't like it when strangers sleep at my place, I mean..._our_ place, without me knowing it, that's all..."

Dom let out a theatrical gasp and covered his open mouth with three fingers. "What? Oh my _Dog_, strangers? At our place? Sacrilege!" he squeaked with a very weird accent.

Both of them burst out giggling and I pouted with _real_ irritation. I didn't like being made a fool of.

It seemed that Matt could tell they had overstepped the mark. "Jade...don't be sulking, we're just joking," he said in a tone that, for the first time today, wasn't mocking.

But he'd have to do better than that. I stood up, still frowning, and left my- still non-eaten- banana on the table. "Thank you, for making my day begin so fucking pleasantly," I icely told them, before turning around.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Matt asked me.

'_It's really none of your business, Matt._'

"I'm going back to bed."

'_I'm going back to _Jack_, 'cause _he_ doesn't spend his time annoying the shit out of me!_'

I heard him scrap back his chair and I started to walk faster but he stood in front of me before I could enter the corridor that would have led me back to my bedroom. His hands were leaning on each side of the doorframe, blocking my path.

"Alright, I'm sorry. You don't have to go..." he softy pleaded.

I huffed and looked away, without answering.

"Oh c'mon Jade, he's asking you so nicely..." Dom said behind me after a minute.

"Did I ask you for anything? !" Matt and I answered in unison.

Dom grumbled, "...just trying to help out here..." more incomprehensible grumbling, "...you two would make a good match..."

But our sync had brought a smile on my lips and when I looked back at Matt I saw something that I hadn't seen in a long time. Sincerity. He _was_ sorry.

Those eyes...I never allowed myself to look into them more than a few seconds...

I went back to my chair without a word, but my actions clearly said that I was forgiving him. Matt, contrariwise, didn't sit right away. Before he came back to the table, he made a detour to the kitchen in order to bring me a mug. And when he finally sat, he poured some tea in it for me. That was pretty cute. A nice, pampering Matt dancing attendance on me wasn't something I was used to.

I mumbled a 'thanks' and I knew I was blushing. Matt was smiling at me and for a moment we just stared at each other, completely forgetting about Dom, who was now pouting.

But not for long. Maybe because he wanted our attention back, maybe because he just couldn't pout more than five minutes in a row. After all, Dom was a born party-boy, he was the sun of this house, always optimistic, always in a good mood.

"So, Jade, if you don't like it when 'strangers' sleep over, you'll be glad to know that I put the two girls from last night in a cab no later than 6 am!" Dom proudly anounced.

I was still gazing at Matt but slowly my mind registered what Dom'd said and I raised an eyebrow at him. "_Two_ girls? What _tw_o girls? Yesterday when we left, you were with _one_ girl. Not two..."

Dom's cheeks reddened a little but I wasn't sure if it was because of embarrassment or...pride. "Well...let's just say that the girl from last night had a sister and..."

"AH!" I exclaimed as I covered my ears. "I don't wanna know about it! ! !" But I could still hear them.

"What, they were sisters? !" Matt asked.

"Twins," Dom specified.

"_Twins_? ! You dirty bastard..."

After sharing some details of the previous night, that I'm really not going to expose in here, they finally shut up.

"Gee, I'm feeling like I'm surrounded by perverts!" I said when I took my mug in my hands again.

Matt just chuckled and took a sip himself.

Dom snorted, "as if you and Jack had been little angels all night, tsk-tsk..."

I couldn't help it. I felt the heat spread on my face till it reached the tip of my ears. Matt suddenly choked a bit and I assumed it was because he had swallowed his tea the wrong way. Dom's eyes and mine flicked over to Matt but the latter was looking down. He mumbled a barely audible 'sorry' and moped up the few droplets that he'd spat out on the table with a tissue.

None of us spoke for a little while. The silence was interrupted when someone opened a door somewhere in the appartment. I heard footsteps that were heading towards the bathroom and when I glanced at the corridor's door I saw Jack walk by.

Dom had seen him too. "Are the girls still sleeping?" he asked.

I frowned, "the girls?"

"Yeah, Charlenne and Em'. You know, the two non-Dimies that live with us..." Dom said, teasing me again.

"Well, I think so," I answered.

"Mmmmm..." he mused, "funny that the last ones to get up are the only ones who didn't do any 'sport' last night..."

Matt, who'd been keeping silent since Dom's last remark, moved a bit and his best friend let out a loud cry of pain.

"Jesus, Matt! Ease off!" Dom said while he rubbed his knee where Matt had probably kicked him.

Matt didn't answer, in fact he was acting like he hadn't even heard Dom. Instead he started fiddling with his hair. "I'm tired of red," he finally stated. "What colour should I do next? I've already done black, blue, blond, red...maybe _acid_ green. What do you think?" he asked Dom and I.

'_Acid green? !_'

"Er...maybe not..." I jabbered.

"Yeah...don't think it'd suit you..." Dom added.

Matt looked a bit miffed, "okay, then what colour?"

"I like blond," Dom offered, "but I happen to enjoy being the only blond of the band. So it's up to you really..."

Matt looked at me, "what about you Jade?"

'_Is he really asking me for advice about his hair? Well, that's a first..._'

I studied him for a while. I liked red, it was a colour that really complimented him. But I remembered the jet black that he'd been wearing the first time we'd met...

"I think I miss the old black."

Matt gave me his usual smirk, "conventional. That's what I said."

I smiled back. "Not conventional...classical. And not in every domains."

When we were done with our 'breakfasts', the three of us gathered in the kitchenette to wash the few dishes we'd used. And even once we'd put away everything, we stayed there and kept on chatting. Long enough for the girls to emerge.

I was very pleased when both of them sided with me about the subject of outsiders sleeping in our living-room.

"Why didn't you let him sleep in your bedroom? !" Charlenne blamed Dom. "I mean, it's not like it would have been the first time you two ever slept in the same bed..."

"I didn't know!" Dom defended himself. "I didn't think he wasn't gonna let her sleep on the couch..."

"Ah, but Matt can be such a gentleman sometimes...when he wants to," Emily said from the other end of the room.

Just when Matt smiled back, Jack came into the room. Some happy 'good-morning's were echanged and then he came by my side. Most of the others weren't paying any attention to us, so we shared a quick kiss. His hair were still slightly damp and he smelt delicious after-shave. I hooked my index finger into the neck of his t-shirt and was about to pull him close again. But Matt, who'd been sitting on the kitchen counter not far from us, jump onto his feet and so reminded me that Jack and I weren't alone right now...

"I'm sloping off," Matt declared. "I'll go to Jimmy's before it's overcrowded." Jimmy being his favorite hairdresser.

Dom nodded. "Alright, I'll see yo-"

But Matt had already disappeared through the front door.

* * *

title: 'Let's Do The Things We Normally Do' - Dido + 'White Flag' - Dido

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	37. Just can't get you out of my head

Hi-ya!

LONG chapter today, (happy Lily? ^^) but I must warn you, the next chapter will probably be much, much, MUCH shorter.

Thank you to all of you ('specially Lou) for all the nice encouraging comments :-) Maybe this isn't so shitty after all lol.

Oh, and, of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! *kiss, kiss, kiss*

Now, let's go joyriding into _my_ Matt's lovely mind.

* * *

**THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAY, LET'S DO THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DO (4/5) I just can't get you out of my head.**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

I pulled the door's handle behind me, but didn't even wait until the door was fully closed.

I just needed to get out of there.

I raced down the stairs and I was almost at the ground-floor level when I heard it finally shut with an echoey clack. My thoughts were swirling dangerously out of control and I forced myself to push away the images and feelings that kept assailing me.

I hummed to myself the whole way to the other flat. "Link it to the world...link it to yourself..."

When I was approaching the building, one of our neighbours had just opened the hall door and I sprinted to it in order to catch it before it closed. "...The love for what you hide..."

While I was climbing up the stairs I stumbled over one word and started repeating it over and over again.

"When you've seeeeeeen...seeeeeeen...seeeeeeen...seeeeeeen..."

'_Oh shut the fuck up, Matt._'

My mouth obeyed my mind just when I turned the key in the lock. When I stepped into the apartment, I was greeted by Tom's roaring voice.

"NO! Why did you get up there? I'm outta the screen now! I'm gonna fucking die because of you!"

"Just hit A. It'll put you in a bubble," Chris calmly answered.

'_Figures. Mario Bros._ Again.'

"Why do you keep playing with him, Tom?" I said as plopped down on an armchair. "You know he's unbeatable..."

Tom didn't answer, the tip of his tongue was showing through his lips and he looked like he was intensely focusing. Chris, on the other hand, knew that level by heart. Just like every level really.

"Hey, Matt!" Chris said. "So, was the rest of the...morning good?"

'_Terrible._'

"It was okay..." I mildly replied. "Where are Alex and Lise?" I asked, wanting to change topics.

Chris waved his hand, indicating the front door. "They went out earlier. Don't know where exactly, they were pretty vague about it..."

Meanwhile Tom had been shaking his wiimote harder than ever, trying to get out of his bubble.

"What do you think you're doing?" Chris wondered, chuckling at Tom's ardour.

"Well I'm trying to catch up with you! I wanna get out of the bubble."

Chris snorted. "Pfft! The hell you are! You stay in that bubble. I'm not bursting you out of it."

I had to suppress a laugh at the stupefied look that came over Tom's face. "WHAT? ! It was _you_ who told me to press A!" he yelled on the verge of hysterics.

Chris grinned. "Perhaps. But I never said I was gonna get you out of it."

"YOU RAT!" Tom shrieked just when Chris' character reached the top of the flag, leaving Tom's one miserably floating around.

This time I couldn't help giggling. I watched them through the whole next level, while Tom tried to get back at Chris and of course failed.

But this was something I was used to, not unusual enough for me to keep focus, and soon my thoughts started to drift away again. The little 'chamber' that I was keeping safely closed in my mind was swelling and pounding, begging to release it's content in my head.

'_Ouh. Not good. Gotta do something. A shower, that's why I came here in the first place._'

The guys were so engrossed in the game that they didn't even notice when I left the room. I took some clean clothes from my bedroom and then locked myself in the bathroom. For a couple of seconds I just stared at my reflection in the mirror. But that wasn't good either. Having a private conversation with myself was the last thing I needed right now.

So I turned on the shower and let the warm water run down my back...then finally decided to turn round and put my whole head under the stream of water. It was sort of stupid, since I would go to the hairdresser a few hours later but I didn't really care. I was bending forward, leaning against the white tiled wall with both arms, and I felt the flow travel from the back of my head to my face, going over my closed eyelids, gathering around my nose and mouth and dripping down onto the bathtub's floor with a steady rhythm, which was only unsettled when I was breathing out.

I tried to concentrate on these sensations, on the sounds around me, on every external stimulus, in order to overpower the internal ones. But I knew I was beginning to lose the fight when I had to start to try and memorize the ingredients on my shampoo bottle, just to have _something else_ to think about. I needed to keep moving.

When I went into the living-room again, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or at least...that's what I wanted the rest of the world to believe, Tom was sitting alone on the couch.

I looked around for Chris but he was nowhere to be seen. "Where is he?" I asked Tom.

"Having a piss," he rushed, not taking his eyes away from the screen. When I paid attention to what Tom was actually doing, I realised that, if Chris had probably paused the game, Tom had resumed playing. He'd put Chris' character in a bubble and was trying to finish the level as fast as he could, behind Chris' back.

I smiled and shook my head. Chris' reaction would really be something, but I didn't have enough time to wait. "I'm going out," I informed Tom, not bothering to give him any details since I knew he probably wasn't listening to me anyway.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

I got into the bus and cast a glance around while I was buying my ticket. There were only three people in here. A young woman just behind the driver and an old couple at the far end of the bus. It was odd, for a Saturday in London, but I liked it better this way. I hated jam-packed buses.

Once I was done with the driver, and when the bus took off again, I slumped down on the nearest seat with a drawn out sigh. I stretched my legs in front of me and rested the side of my head against the window.

And then I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it any longer, so I just gave up the fight.

The 'chamber' exploded open in my head. I frowned a fraction and my breathing became uneven for a few seconds, whilst my mind suffered the invasion of a million bittersweet flavours and colours that all shared the same name: Jade.

It was ridiculous, really. Being _that_ obsessed with someone. Especially someone I couldn't have. In fact it probably was _because_ I couldn't have her that I was that besotted.

Her perfect face was tauntingly dancing before my eyes and I remembered her voice so clearly that I could almost have sworn she was next to me right now, talking to me.

Her scent and touch were more diffused memories, and I cherished them even more. I'd never forgotten the fragrance of her hair nor the delicacy of her skin.

Taste was the only sense that still remained unsatisfied.

I snorted and inwardly laughed at myself. '_Still. As if you're ever gonna get that one. Stop dreaming, Matt._'

I tried to think about something else again but it was too late and I got sucked up into my little fantasies. Into my sweet inner world where I could be with her the way I really wanted to be. I closed my eyes and soon my mouth began to water.

I opened my eyes just a crack again and stroked the back my index finger along the bottom of the window frame. "Since I've been loving you, I'm about to lose my worried mind..." I quietly hummed.

Acting like I was, talking to myself, seeming all stoned and getting physical with the window...I probably looked like a creepy crackhead right now. I glanced at the woman...or girl in fact, since she wasn't more than seventeen or eighteen maybe, who was sitting perpendicularly to me, just on the other side of the bus. She was staring at me.

I cleared my throat, left the window alone, and sat up straight. The girl's eyes darted away quickly but she kept casting glances at me for a little while. Glances at...my crotch? I was positive that _that_ part of my body hadn't let any emotion show through... My eyebrows slowly rose up and I felt my lips break into an incredulous smile. I mean, I knew I had some sex appeal but...really?

When she noticed that _I_ was staring at her now, and when her eyes met mine, her cheeks turned crimson red and she shifted her entire body, so that she wouldn't be facing me any more. I chuckled under my breath.

'_No need to get all self-conscious, young lady..._'

It reminded me of the girl from the previous night, er...God, I couldn't even remember her name...well, just the 'girl', and the way Jade had thrown her out.

...

Great. I had _finally_ been able to think about something else...and now she was all over my mind again. Just brilliant. "Fucking idiot..." I whispered, kicking myself inside.

But soon I was smiling again, while the whole little scene from earlier was replaying in my head. I'd known that Jade would never have admitted that it was jealousy. But it had been so obvious. Just like the night before...

This time my smile faded when I thought of the previous evening. I pictured again the look in her eyes... I'd hit her where it hurt. And part of me, the selfish, sick part, was glad she'd felt that way. For two reasons. First reason: because it meant that no matter how good a show she was putting for everyone else, she still felt something for me. Second reason, and that was the most sadistic one, because I _wanted_ her to know how _I_ was feeling almost 24/7.

But the other part of me hated to be the cause of grief to someone I liked so.

'_Damn... Am I thinking in lyrics now? I really need a break..._'

I shook my head to get rid of that weird thought.

I hated hurting her. She was such a delicate, precious soul, that shouldn't even know what pain was. And the worst, ill-fated thing in the story was that I wasn't even doing it in order to hurt her in the first place. I just wanted to break free...

"Fucking _stop_ with the lyrics, Matt!" I said out loud. I knew the girl in the bus had just cast a glance at me again, but I really didn't give a damn.

I just wanted to...feel free again. I had once thought that I would give up Jade for a thousand other girls. Well...to be perfectly honest, I'd thought the contrary. That I would give up a thousand girls for her. But I was hoping it could work the other way around.

And so far, for the last year and a half, and because I was twisted enough to actually count them, I had slept with 102 girls.

'A lot' you may think.

A lot? ! If I kept going like that it would take more than a decade to reach a thousand!

But it wasn't doing me any good anyway. I probably would have benefited more from a steady relationship with someone, than I was now with all those one-night dates. The problem was that the only one I wanted to go steady with was _her_!

I whacked my head against the headrest of my seat. This was so damn frustrating!

I was just stuck in the worst situation ever. I wouldn't cross her out of my life, just because I didn't want to, and I couldn't try and win her over, because I had promised her I wouldn't!

And it wasn't as if it would have been easy anyway. Winning her over, I mean. 'Cause really...

Twenty-three minutes.

That was the longest time she and I had been left alone in a room for the past nineteen months. Twenty-three _fucking_ minutes.  
What the hell was I supposed to do in twenty-three minutes? !

It had been two months ago (67 days ago to be precise), and we had barely talked to each other the whole time. The tension between us had just begun to loosen a bit when Dom had come into the room like a bull in a china shop. And when it wasn't Dom, it was Charlenne. When it wasn't Charlenne, it was Alex. And, worst of all...when it wasn't Alex, it was _Jack_.

Jack, Jade and I, alone in the same room. _Sickening_.

'OOOOooooh Jack this and OOOooh Jack that...' that had been Charlenne's reaction right after Jade had introduced him to us. Emily's reaction as well. And Lise too... In fact I think every _female_'s reaction in the group.

'Cause, yeah, he was 'soooooo' handsome and 'soooooo' charming and 'soooooo' pleasant and 'soooooo' romantic and 'soooooo' FUCKING BORING!

Had the soooooo handsome Jack a 3 octaves vocal range? Had the soooooo charming Jack ever played in front of a thousand crazy fans begging for more of him? Could the soooooo pleasant Jack perform La Campanella, Etude n. 3? Or Etude-Tableau in E-flat minor? Did he only know what these pieces sounded like? Yeah, didn't think so.

...But you know what was _really_ killing me?

It was that it wasn't even true. He _wasn't_ boring. He was...interesting. He was a hard worker, he was cultivated... If Jade hadn't been in the equation...I probably would've liked him. Maybe. Possibly...in another life.

But anyway, _I_ was the rockstar. _I_ was supposed to have all the girls I wanted! And I wasn't so demanding, I just wanted _one_ girl, not millions! Though let's be honest...asking for Jade was pretty much asking for the moon.

'_There you go. Thinking about her again..._'

I sighed. Well for once, it was for the better. '_I'd rather think of her than him_' I decided as I looked out of the window again.

While I'd been busy trying to sort out my feelings for the umpteenth time and losing myself in that tortuous mind of mine, the bus had travelled quite a good way. We were already downtown.

Two or three stations before the one I was waiting for, the girl pushed the red button indicating that she wanted to get off on the next one. She rose to her feet and came to stand just in front of the door and, at the same time, in front of me. She was purposely staring straight ahead. I, on the other hand, admired her legs as my head canted to one side. She was wearing a nice, short dress and she wasn't badly fit at all.

When the bus came to a stop at the station, and when the driver opened the automatic door, I was almost expecting her to rush out without a second glance. But instead, before getting off, she suddenly leaned toward me and brought her lips to my ear. I felt quite surprised and froze, waiting to hear what she had to say.

Perhaps she was a Muse fan. Perhaps she had recognized me and she was about to say she found me even more attractive than what I already looked like on a screen. Or perhaps she was just going to murmur her phone number, for me to memorize...

But the only thing she actually whispered was:

"Hey cracker...your fly's open."

* * *

I'm pretty cruel with Matt in that chapter...maybe that's not the best birthday present ^^. But, mind you, I had a loooot of fun writing about him in the shower :DDD

title: 'Let's Do The Things We Normally Do' - Dido + 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' - Kylie Minogue

"Since I've been loving you, I'm about to lose my worried mind" comes from 'Since I've Been Loving You' by **Led Zeppelin**.

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez**.


	38. When you came in, the air went out

Not so short a chapter after all... :)

I'd like to remind my most impatient readers (understand: horny Mattophiles...) that the summary was: how Jade and Matt are going to bound. Not 'Jade and Matt's sexy adventures' LOL.

BUT, don't worry, I've heard you and I've considered what you've said. I've thought my story through, this last few days, and I've found a way to make things go just a tiny bit quicker.  
You know when you imagine your story in your head it's really easy, just like watching a movie. But when you have to actually write it...it can take _ages_ to go to the point. I hope you can understand that :)

* * *

**THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAY, LET'S DO THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DO (5/5) When you came in, the air went out.**

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

_On the same day, around 5 pm..._

One of the good things about not having Matt or, more occasionally, Jack under my feet was that I could smoke in peace.

I was half-sitting on the wrought iron fence of one of our living-room windows and my back was leaning against the frame. I was probably bending a little bit _too much_ over the edge, but this was something I'd always enjoyed. The flat was on the third floor and from this height the people in the street were looking quite small. They could see me, of course, but they still appeared to be no taller than my cigarette.

I suddenly heard a disdainful snort behind me and my head swiveled around to look at Emily, who was sprawling on the couch, not far from the window.

"What a bunch of bullshit..." she said as she shook her head. She'd been browsing through a 'female magazine' for some time now.

She glanced up at me and chuckled a bit when she saw the amused look on my face. "What? It's true! Check this out: 'how to get tan without tanning', 'how to make the people around you believe that you're slim'...really for this one I can only think of brain washing or distorting glasses..."

I'd just taken a drag on my cig and her last remark made me half-giggle, half-choke.

She kept on goin., "How to keep your man at home..."

I arched an eyebrow. "Er...sequester him in the basement?" I hazarded.

She laid the magazine on her lap and faked intense reflection. "Mmmm... Yes, that might work. Or else you could make him wear a leash. Or even better, more modern, those shock collars for dog that activate when they cross a certain perimeter..."

We'd both managed to remain relatively serious till now, but the shock collars were too much and we burst out giggling.

My relationship with Emily had considerably improved when she had learnt that I had rejected Matt's advances. And when he had begun collecting girls like stamps, she had stopped flirting with him. She didn't want to be used and then chucked like mere trash, and that was to her credit. Although he might have been a bit more gracious with her.

Both of us felt that the other still had a soft spot for Matt, but instead of making us rivals, it sort of brought us closer.

Now, she _was_ extremely naive and she sometimes could act like an annoying spoiled kid, but I'd found that, when she wanted to, she could be very pleasant company.

After I'd crushed my cigarette's butt end in an ashtray, I came to sit next to her. We kept on having small talk for a little while, criticizing this or that, this model's big nose, that one's horrible make-up... We especially spat our venom on some thick wedge shoes that we found particularly hideous.

"...The latest tendency in shoes, everyone will be wearing them this summer so don't forget to buy your own pair! Preferably in red or white..."

Emily interrupted my out loud reading. "Pfff! 'Everyone', my arse! _I_ certainly won't be wearing these horrors!"

As soon as she'd finished her sentence, the front door was thrown open by a very cheerful looking Charlenne, making Emily and me startle. Charlenne's arms were overloaded with shopping bags and a giant grin was plastered on her face.

"Oh my God. You've GOT to suss him out," she threw excitedly at us as she carelessly dropped all her bags on the floor.

Emily and I exchanged a look of confusion while Charlenne began rummaging in a wicker trunk we had in our living-room and where we'd put many various thingummies.

I cleared my throat. "Hum, Charlenne? What are you do-"

"Oh my...Charlenne, what are you wearing on your feet? !" Emily cut in.

I glanced at Charlenne's shoes and noticed that they were bright red...thick wedge...

'_Oops_'.

Charlenne looked down at her feet and her face broke into a huge smile again. "Yeah, they're so pretty, huh? ! Just bought them today." Then she resumed ransacking the trunk. "Where the hell are those binos? !"

"Those what?" I asked.

"You know, Dom's binoculars! He used to spy on the neighbours with them."

Yes, I remembered that. What a voyeur... "I think they're in his room but...what do you need them for? Do you suddenly want to spy on the neighbours too?"

"Not on the neighbours," she answered as she disappeared into Dom's bedroom, "but on a guy," she finished from afar. The binoculars must have been within easy reach, because she triumphantly came back with them no more than thirty seconds later.

Emily sighed. "On a guy? What guy? Charlenne, could you please stop distilling information and go straight to the point for once?"

Charlenne posted herself behind the window's fence and started snooping down on the street with the binoculars. "Well, there's this mysterious, gorgeous dish at Harry's bar just opposite the street right now. He was on the terrace when I walked by and I think he was trying to chat the new waitress up. I'm pretty sure I've never seen him before... I mean, I would never have forgotten such a perfect arse..." She looked up from the binos for a second and mouthed 'heavenly' to us before going back to her thorough inspection of the street below.

Call us 'salacious' if you want to, but we didn't need to hear anything more. In a blink of an eye Emily and I were standing on each side of Charlenne, trying to snatch the binos out of her hands.

"RAH! Wait a sec, for Christ's sake!" Charlenne scolded, clinging at the binos. "First, I have to find him and then I'd like to get a good look at his face. I couldn't see it clearly but my 'radar' tells me that it's bound to be just as tasty as his butt...oh, there he is!"

As soon as I'd heard 'there he is' I'd snapped the binoculars and I started spying on the crowd myself. "Where? !"

At first Charlenne complained about my stealing, but I was quickly forgiven. After all, it was because of her appetizing description that Emily and I'd gotten so girlishly hyper. "Just by the main door, he's chatting with Harry!" Charlenne over-excitedly squealed. "Oh my God, what if he's our new neighbour?" she added more to herself than anything else.

I rolled the focus wheel until it suited my eyesight and then looked for Harry. I quickly found him, it wasn't so hard, considering that he was more than 6 feet tall... And indeed, he was talking to someone. I narrowed my eyes and, without realising it, bit my bottom lip, as I was engrossed in discovering this new and- apparently- gorgeous sideshow.

"Can you see him?" Charlenne asked. "He's wearing black pants and a black shirt too, with white collar and cuffs..."

"Yeah, I see him."

'_Wait... I _know_ this shirt. And I know this silhouette _and_ this butt. And that messy hair, even though..._'

The mystery man shifted and I could steal a glance at his profile. My intuition was confirmed. I looked up from the binos and stared at Charlenne.

She quickly nodded for no particular reason. "So? What do you think? !"

I was slightly frowning and the way I was staring at her could probably lead her to think that I was seriously doubting her mental health.

"Charlenne..." I started to say as if I was speaking to a very young child, "it's Matt."

Emily burst out laughing. Charlenne goggled at me, her face a mask of pure horror. "WHAT? !" she squealed as she nabbed the binos back. "No, that's not possible! That _can't_ be Matt!"

"Let me...let me see..." Emily tried to say between two attacks of the giggles.

After a few seconds Charlenne draw the binoculars away from her face again. "Jesus Christ...you're...you're right!"

Emily claimed the binos then. When Charlenne turned to me, she was redder than I thought a human face could ever be. She seemed to be _extremely_ embarrassed for having said all those nice things about Matt's rear end.

"But- but-...since when is his hair black? !" she asked me, still on squealing mode.

I had to concentrate a lot not to burst out laughing just like Emily had done a minute before. "Since today. He said he was going to Jimmy's. Don't you remember?"

At the same time that I said that, I heard Emily's comments on the other side of Charlenne. "God, he's so hot when he's all in black..." she almost moaned.

Charlenne was still scarlet, verging on purple. "No, I don't remember that! Why am I always the last one to know about-"

She was interrupted by a vehement: "Oh, shit!" coming from Emily.

Charlenne and I glanced worryingly at her. "What is it?" I asked.

"I...I think he's seen us!" Emily wavered.

I immediately looked down at Matt. He was still on the other side of the street, and he was waiting for a break into the flow of vehicles in order to cross through. He was staring ahead.

"No, I don't think so..." I started to say. But just when I did, and just when Matt stepped out onto the zebra crossing, he clearly glanced up. Straight at us.

"_Shit!_" the three of us exclaimed in a perfect chorus.

We pushed ourselves away from the window, almost stumbling on the coffee table in our incoherent escape.

"Here, that's yours!" Emily rushed while she flung the binos to Charlenne, as if they'd burnt her.

"What? ! No sodding way!" Charlenne replied before handing them to me.

I almost let out 'get lost' but I reconsidered at the last second. "I don't think so, it was _you_ who dug them out!" I told her as I gave her and the binos a wide berth.

"Wait," she said, "let's calm down. Maybe we're just overreacting. I mean, for all we know he's going to _his_ apartment. Why should he be coming up here?"

"Oh, you know him!" Emily answered. "He's spending more time in Dom's bedroom than in his own!"

I nodded. "She's right..."

Charlenne huffed and headed towards the front door. "Well, I guess there's just one way to know," she mumbled. She opened the door and disappeared in the hallway.

She came back rushing in about three seconds later. She closed the door again and leaned against it with wide eyes.

"So?" I asked.

She just hurried into Dom's bedroom. "Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit ..."

I guessed that meant Matt was climbing up the stairs right now. Emily jumped on the couch and grabbed the magazine again. I personally dived into the fridge as I suddenly craved a homemade sandwich.

Our reaction was pretty foolish. We should have stayed near the window, with the binoculars. We should have nonchalantly told Matt that we were spying on hot guys in the street. On _any_ hot guy. He probably would have bought it. But acting as embarrassed as we did, as if we'd just been caught redhanded, I felt like 'GUILTY' was written in bold letters on my forehead.

Charlenne came back from Dom's bedroom at the exact same time that Matt stepped into the flat. She picked up her bags and said "Hey, Matt," on a merry tone when she passed him in the lobby. I tried to concentrate on the little piece of bread in my hands.

"Er...hey..." he slowly answered as if he got suspicious of something all of a sudden.

Charlenne began to cheerily whistle while she unpacked all the stuff she'd bought earlier. She was overdoing it. He was going to figure it out...

Suddenly Charlenne whistling faded. And I noticed Emily's page flicking had stopped as well. What the hell was going on? !

I bit in my bread and I looked up with some apprehension, and I joined them in their frozen state. I probably was the one who looked the most ridiculous, with my toast still partly in my mouth and the butter on my fingers...

He _must_ have done something more than just dyeing his hair. He looked just...so bloody_ gorgeous_.

I had to force myself to properly chew and swallow or else I would have started drooling.

His ebony hair highlighted his amazing eyes like crazy... Truly with his high cheekbones and piercing gaze...he could have been modelling. Okay, maybe he was a bit short but he was just so...so...I don't know, so freaking hot...

'_What? ! What are you talking about? This is _Matt_. Don't you remember? Stop staring at him!_'

Ah. The 'Saint' Part Of Me. I hadn't heard from her for a long time. Actually...when was the last time I had really _looked_ at him? Yeah...I guess that had been a long time ago too.

"Eeerrr...is there something wrong with my face or...?" Matt ventured on an uneasy tone.

'_What? Your face's perfect, angel..._'

Thank God, that sentence had only remained on 'thoughts level'. Matt kept glancing at Charlenne, Emily and I in turn. I realised that the three of us must have been staring at him for more than a good minute now, hence the awkwardness in the air.

I coughed and it woke up the two other girls in the room.

"Huh? Of course not..." was Charlenne's answer and "not at all" was Emily's. I just settled for adding another unnecessary coat of butter between the bread and ham slices.

Matt was frowning with suspicion whilst he slowly walked towards the kitchen counter as if he was in the middle of a minefield. He opened the fridge's door behind me and I heard him uncap some sparkling beverage's bottle, before he came to sit next to me.

I couldn't help stealing a glance at him while I was licking my fingers clean. His forehead was still deeply furrowed.

"You're not planning to play some sick trick on me, are you?" he asked, sounding a bit worried.

I chuckled a tiny bit too hysterically. "Where did you get that from?" I said just when Emily gabbled something like: "we have better things to do really..."

"Yeah, really Matt, we're grown-ups..." Charlenne added.

'_...Are we?_'

Matt finally seemed to relax as he leaned against the counter and took a sip of his drink.

"You girls are definitely weird," he stated after a minute.

He'd said it on a tone that seemed to imply that this was something he'd been suspecting for a long time...and that we had just given him the confirmation.

* * *

title: 'Let's Do The Things We Normally Do' - Dido + 'Bad Things' - Jace Everett

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez**.


	39. Strike a pose

Hola, anyone here? Is there still somebody tuned around here? Oh, there is? Good.

Okay, so... Sorry for not having updated for so long, yadi, yadi, yada... I can hear you from where you seat, in front of your computers (yes, even you, in the USA), shouting: WHAAAAT? ! You've been keeping us waiting for almost TWO MONTHS just to come back to us with a strange chapter that has practically no link to Muse? ! Are you kidding? ! Refund!

Alright, alright, calm down. Here's my defense:

- First, the shitty reason: in this chapter I give you another aspect of Jade's life, which, I admit, has almost no connection to Muse at all. (Told you it was shitty.)

- Now the real reason: the main goal of this chapter was to fulfill a promise I'd made to one of you. On that point, mission accomplished.

- And finally, the compensations: the next 3 (at least 3...maybe more) chapters will be written through Dom's P.O.V. and Matt will be omnipresent in it. And after that, a good number of chapters will be featuring only Matt and Jade.

There, happy? Am I forgiven?

Now, how could I make this A.N. even longer... Oh, yes, I know: thank you to Musefan2k3510 for the review. :)

* * *

**STRIKE A POSE**

THE NEXT DAY

The general hurly-burly was becoming truly irking.

I spotted a waiter at the other end of the room and planned to head towards him, but just when I was about to, someone put their hand on my shoulder.

"Hey! Where are you going? We're supposed to stick together!"

I turned round and came face to face with an Indian girl who I barely knew. She looked even more uncomfortable that I felt. I glanced down at the pass that was pinned to her shirt. It was almost identical to mine. Same color, same font, with the orange and white logo of our school and 'LONDON SCHOOL OF PHOTOGRAPHY' written in black next to it. The only thing that differed from mine was, of course, her name.

"Well...Abhilasha," I answered after taking a few seconds to ponder how I would pronounce that name, "I'm sorry, but I need a drink right now."

"But we're not allowed to!" she hissed, almost panic-stricken.

I took her hand into mine to get it off of my shoulder, but tried to stay gentle. "Calm down. If they've got a problem with it, they'll just have to sue me. And to be honest, you look like you could use a cup of champagne yourself." Without another word, I turned full circle again and stepped forward, steady and decided.

I crossed paths with many familiar faces on my way. Actors, singers, designers... Famous enough for me to know their faces but not enough to actually put names on them.

When I reached the waiter and took a cup, he snuck a glance at my pass and then scowled at me.

'_Yeah. I know. I'm considered to be 'staff' and not 'guest'. But you know what? Go to hell! It's already an exploit that I'm working on a bloody Sunday!_'

I stared him straight in the eye and drained my drink before negligently setting it aside on his tray. He looked like he wanted to chide me but his intention was cut off by an energetic but elegant voice, resonating in the hall through the speakers and informing the outside staff and the guests that the main room was now open.

I hurried toward our little group again, just in time.

"Hey, you there!" a snappish little lady called us from afar. "You're the LSP students, correct?" she asked us when we approached her, trying not to get carried away by the flow of people gathering into the next room.

We nodded.

"There're only four of you," she remarked as she checked some list she had, "where's the fifth one?"

"Ill," I replied, a bit bluntly.

She eyed me up and down and seemed to be annoyed by my cheeky tone, but also appreciative of my efficient answer.

"Follow me," she said as she spun on the spot and disappeared into the huddle and into the main room.

We had to elbow our way through the crowd a bit, in order not to lose track of her. I was at the head of our group and I reached out for Abhilasha's hand behind me. The three other students and I formed a human-chain, so that none of us would be left behind.

The lady stopped short all of a sudden and I almost bumped into her. Abhilasha _did_ bump into me. And the third student bumped into her, et cetera...

'_Gee, we must look so unprofessional..._'

The snappish lady smirked at us as she pushed her glasses up her nose. "This is your spot. Do _not_ disturb the work of our official photographers."

'_Come on, break us down, you snobbish high hat..._'

I huffed and didn't answer. I was feeling exhausted and it wasn't helping improving my mood. I must have fallen asleep around 3 am, due to the lag acquired the previous night and I'd had to get up at 9 this morning to be here at noon (here being the Somerset House) and attend this damn fashion show.

It wasn't THE London Fashion Week Show, but it was an alternative fashion week. The last one of the season, which was rather logical. After all, a fall/winter show in April was already a bit strange according to me.

Charlenne had squealed and squeaked for at least half an hour when I'd told her that I had a pass for the show. Yeah, because I was supposed to be 'such a lucky duck'. That was _her_ point of view. A fashion addict point of view. To me, all this was just a pain in the arse, something that had cut short my Sunday sleep in.

But it was a mandatory step if I wanted to validate my mid-year exam. Live fashion shoots were part of the second-years' program. Well, at least I had been able to choose the designer I would do my shoot-book on. And today was the only day she was exhibiting her work in London before my exams.

I sighed and groped in my bag for my camera and my filter. While I was settling the filter on the camera lens I glanced around at my surrounding.

Unprofessional or not, being LSP students enabled us to have the field on a very popular position. We were posted at the end of the runway and we would be facing the models when they'd be posing. No independent photographer as young as us could ever have occupied to such a spot.

Just when the filter clicked in, I noticed that a pair of 'official photographers' in the vicinity were eyeballing us and talking in whispers. Well, 'whispers'...I could still hear them in spite of the hubbub, and what they were saying wasn't very nice.

Without warning Abhilasha's camera slipped from her hands next to me. My own camera was hanging down on my chest and since my hands were free, I miraculously managed to catch hers before it hit the floor.

When I realised that had just saved Abhilasha's camera from a certain, explosive death, I blew out of my mouth to relieve some of the tension that had just soared into my body because of the adrenaline rush.

She did exactly the same thing. "Oh m-m-my God... Th- Thank you... Oh G-God, thank heavens you've got such quick r-reflexes..." she spluttered shakily as she extended her arms toward her camera, just like a mother yearning to hold her child.

I looped the strap over her head as I didn't really trust her shivery hands right now. "Be careful with that..." I exhorted her.

"Y-yeah, I know... My palms are so bloody sweaty... I'm so nervous..."

The 'official photographers' were sniggering and Abhilasha looked down, blushing with shame.

"I look so ridiculous compared to them..." I heard her mutter.

I glowered at the men who'd just mocked her. One of them had a camera that was twice bigger than mine, lengthened by a huge zoom lens, the whole thing being perched on top of a massive tripod.

"Pff, look at them! It's _them_ who are ridiculous," I scoffed. "What's the point in bringing such a kit in here when we're all gonna take short range pics anyway!" The photographer I'd been looking at was glaring back at me now.

I couldn't help adding: "...and you know what they say...big camera, tiny..." I let my sentence hang in the air as I winked at Abhilasha, who shyly giggled.

The photographer now seemed nothing less than outraged. I smirked at him at the same time that the lights in the room were turned off.

"I think that means it's starting," Abhilasha ventured from within the dark.

"I guess so..." I murmured back while I tried to accommodate to the thick darkness.

There were some 'shushs' and 'shhhhhtt's all over the place and soon the room fell in a near complete silence. The anticipation and excitement were growing palpable, it felt like the air itself was stirring around me.

When I was beginning to feel impatient, music started playing. It was a chilling-electro tone, punctuated by a few piano notes pattern that kept repeating itself with an increasing volume.

Two giant screens slowly lighted up on either side of the runway's entrance door, finally breaking the heavy blackness. Both of them showed various, mute clips featuring cities which were famous, inter alia, for their Haute Couture Fashion Shows: New York City, London, Milan, Paris... A few seconds later, a ceiling spot illuminated the runway's entrance at an angle and the lights above the track itself quickly followed. The change of lighting went hand in hand with the change of music: the languishing chilling tone had transformed into the thick, thumpy beat of house music.

As soon as the first model showed her face on the runway, photoflashes twinkled frantically all around me, almost startling me. Jesus...that kind of shooting definitely wasn't my thing.

While the first model strutted down the track, the designer's name that she was parading for was being displayed, in huge letters, on the two screens. I knew that the designer whose work _I_ was waiting for was the last one on the list. It meant that her models would close the show, and so I'd just have to try and enjoy myself until then.

As the flow of models steadily streamed in front of me, I began to frown and wonder if those poor girls had ever eaten _anything_ in their lives. Most of them were wearing short outfits, exhibiting their legs, and really...it wasn't a nice spectacle. Their weedy legs, supporting their- even more skinny- knees, looked so thin that it felt they could have snapped as easily as twigs!

I was stewing over how maltreated I thought these women were when a particular attire caught my eye. It was a burgundy short, made of what seemed to be thin, supple leather and bordered by black wool strips.

'_Mmh...that's a nice one. It matches the white silky top pretty well..._'

And that's when, shamefully, my ethical conscience was shut up by my girly interest in clothing. I began to ignore the models' gloomy faces and instead admired the dresses, the shirts, the accessories. I got so sucked up into it that I was almost disappointed when the first wave of strutting models ended. The designer appeared for a fraction of second and granted us a half-bow before hurrying back offstage.

The lights dwindled in strength, the music switched to another tempo, and about fifteen seconds later a new flow of models took over the track, sending the spotlights back on full mode over the runway. The designer's name that appeared on the screens didn't ring any bell but I appreciated the pepsy colours of his collection. I also noticed that the models were faintly smiling this time. Apparently their entire behaviour was being orchestrated beforehand backstage.

Anyway, things went on like that. Model after model, round after round.

When we reached the penultimate one, the two other LSP students had already taken their set of pictures. There was just Abhilasha and I left and I wondered if she was waiting for the same designer as I. But when I saw her readying her camera, I understood that she was interested in the second to last.

As usual a new background song began playing and I let a little sound of approval escape my lips when I recognised a remix of Blue Foundation's 'As I Moved On Run'. Yet it wasn't the best treat of this round. That one was revealed when the first model showed up.

The first _male_ model.

My eyebrows twitched upwards and I felt my lips break into a smile. I turned to my left where Abhilasha was standing and actively shooting pictures.

"Men collection?" I asked her, delighted.

"Yep!" she confirmed, beaming in turn, her white teeth clear-cut on her dark skin.

I'd never thought women and men collections would be mixed up...but I surely wasn't going to complain. I suddenly found it very difficult again not to pay more attention to the models than the clothes.

The brilliant smile never left my face while these new hot models kept strutting up and down the runway. Even if I knew that they couldn't see me- they probably wouldn't try to make out anything of the darkness around them anyway, since they were all so focused on their posture- I felt myself turning on the 'flirt mode'.

You know when a good looking guy is in your surroundings, and you can't help eyeing him from time to time, flicking your hair now and then... It's such a reflex that it becomes automatic. Well, that was exactly what was happening to me in that moment.

I noticed from afar a particularly toothsome looking guy, who was walking up the stage toward us, and I lifted my camera up to my face obliviously. That one would be a private picture, something spicy to bring home to the girls.

But when the lens focused on the model's face, my body went stiff with shock.

It was Matt.

Same eyes, same features, same charm.

'..._What?_ Again? !'

My head slowly drew away from my camera and I blinked at the little glossy rectangle that was the viewfinder a couple of times. I kept staring at my camera for an instant, as if it was some alien object, then my eyes flicked up to the approaching model.

It _wasn't_ Matt.

He was taller, more muscular, a tiny bit more tanned and...less..._hot_ than Matt. Even if I was beginning to question my impartiality concerning that last point.

When the model posed at the end of the runway I noted that his eyes were blue.

'_That's it. It must have been the eyes. I saw that his were blue, that's why I thought it was Matt at first..._'

What utter nonsense. I hadn't thought it was Matt, I'd _seen_ Matt instead of the model. I'd literally _hallucinated_. And anyway, since when were 'blue eyes' bound to remind me of Matt? He wasn't the only man on earth gifted with that eye-colour, was he? !

'_Mind you... With _that_ eye colour...yeah, perhaps he is the only one._'

I recalled perfectly Matt's aquamarine-azure-cerulean-indigo gaze...

'_Yes. Definitely, he's the only one on earth. In fact, it's almost insulting to compare this model's insipid eyes to Matt's unique sapphires..._'

Jesus _Christ_... Was I only hearing myself? !

It suddenly hit me that there was no way I could have perceived the model's eye-colour from such a distance. No, it was just because he'd been fair-skinned, dark-haired and relatively slim.

I closed my eyes and I pinched the bridge of my nose with the thumb and forefinger of my left hand. The air quietly whistled between my teeth when I sighed.

Soon, it would be _all_ men who would share an uncanny resemblance to Matthew James Bellamy in my eyes... Sometimes, I could be _so_ hopeless.

I was still brooding over my basket case when someone nudged my side.

"Jade, I think it's your turn," I heard Abhilasha whisper, pulling me back to the present moment.

A startled "Mmm?" was my answer before I glanced up at the runway again. I took notice of the second to last designer, who'd been thanking the crowd, only to see him slide backstage in a flash. Indeed, it was my turn.

I took a deep breath in and tried to clear my mind of Matt. It worked alright and soon enough the mental images I had of him dissipated, just like clouds melting away, and behind the fading shred of his blue eyes, I was able to hold a grasp on reality again.

But I knew I was only dismissing him from the _front_ of my mind. Since the day before, he'd been constantly haunting my thoughts. Every little thing around me (blue eyes for example) seemed to have at least one remote link to him, and kept sending me back mooning over him.

The legendary 'Vogue' by Madonna suddenly filled the room and my mind stopped wandering at once when hearing the whipping 'wha' are you looking at?'. I tucked my hair behind my ears and readied my camera, already placing my right first finger on the shutter release button.

Just there, I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans pocket.

'_Not now!_' I inwardly protested as I quietly clicked my tongue with annoyance.

Thankfully it only vibrated once. It meant that the person trying to contact me had sent a text instead of directly call me. Whoever it was, it was someone thoughtful. In any case, I couldn't take the risk to miss the first model's entrance, so the text message would have to wait.

It seemed to me that it was taking longer for the models to pervade the stage this time. But it also felt like it had been done on purpose, as if the the music had to permeate the air and impregnate the audience, before really letting things get into action.

When the beat of the song settled in place, materialised by finger-snapping sounds, my first photographic subject stepped onto the runway and Maddy Pensuri's name filled either screens, written in cursive, black letters.

I had chosen my designer well, the collection looked fabulous. Except for the bright red lipstick most of the models were wearing, colours had been banned. The outfits were a combination of black, white and a myriade of different shades of grey, but they weren't dull or gloomy for all that. On the contrary, glossy materials ran alongisde black lacework, giving the whole a chic, elegant and sort of gothic style.

Bright gems and spangles gradually appeared through the collection, and glitter reached its paroxysm with the last model, perfectly matching the song's groovy outro. She was sporting a gorgeous, grandiose dress, a wedding dress was what it called to my mind, made of white silk and white lace and travelled by lines and curves of small, shiny black stones. That last outfit was very well welcomed by the audience, with cheers and claps, and I strafed it from all angles.

Just like the previous designers had done before her, Maddy Pensuri came onstage to thank the audience. But, contrary to the others, and perhaps because she was the last one, she didn't hurry backstage right away. Instead she gave us a proper smile and wave and I used the opportunity to take a nice portrait of the lovely brunette. It would be the perfect cover for my dossier.

And then, in a matter of seconds, it was all over. The entire room was brightly lit again, the runway had been deserted and a soft 'elevator music' was playing in the background. There were less fuss and speeches than there would have been during a 'real' fashion week then. It was all good to me, even if I was pretty pleased with the pictures had taken, I was beginning to feel slightly claustrophobic. The quicker I could get out, the better.

The other three LSP students and I packed away our equipment and joined the slow stream of people oozing out of the room. The general chitchat was louder than the one there had been in the waiting hall, because people commented on this or that collection/designer/outfit/model, but globally no one was rushing outside and there were no squeeze nor squash, or crush.

Abhilasha, the two other students and I stuck together for a while and finally decided to have a drink at one of the cafés opposite the street. It was when we sat at our table that I remembered my phone.

Once I had winkled it out of my jean's front pocket, I taped the little green envelope on its touch screen and it opened up a text message from Jack.

*Is the lady free tonight? Chris, Kat, Alex and Lise are having dinner and going to the movies. Are we in? Love xx*

I felt a happy smile turn the corners of my lips up and started writing my positive answer.

* * *

For the ones wondering who the heck is Maddy Pensuri: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]fanfiction[DELETE THE BRACKETS].net/u/2521756/Your_Beautys_Not_Just_a_Mask

For the ones who know perfectly well who Maddy Pensuri is: no, I'm not asking Maddy for anything in return lol. This is not a very subtle, sophisticated way to ask Maddy a favor ^^.

And for you, Maddy: I hope that you like the chapter! :) I know we hadn't agreed on anything particular concerning the clothes, but it was you who gave me the idea of 'Vogue' and that's the kind of outfits which came to my mind when I listened to it.

Finally, for everyone: I was inspired by this: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=Wssd0KWvKQw - for the first song I've described (the one with the piano pattern).

The remix of 'As I Moved On Run' I was thinking about is this one: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=3iZy367ogcQ

I hope you liked the chapter, love to all my awesome reviewers ;) (Why do I feel like the guru of some kind of weird sect when I say that?...)

title: 'Vogue' - Madonna

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez.**


	40. The Bitterness Inside

This series, 'I'll comfort you my friend...', is sort of THE major turning-point in the story. Even if it doesn't look like it. Dom's taking in of the situation is the key point. Something else, we're more or less half way through the story.

Oh, and warning: Angst. in this chapter.**  
**

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**I'LL COMFORT YOU MY FRIEND, HELPING YOU TO BLOW IT ALL AWAY (1) The bitterness inside.**

SAME DAY, 7 PM, THE DIMIES APARTMENT.

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

"Ouch. Ouch! _Ouch!"_

Tom dropped the maxi cook-knife he'd been holding and stuck his finger into his mouth.

"What now?" Matt grumbled as he let go of his own knife and of the tomatoes. He moved to Tom's side and took in Tom's posture at first, and then the still intact piece of meat on the cutting board. "You haven't even cut a single chip yet!" he complained.

"We' am showwy, bu' I've shust cut ma fingar," was what came out of Tom's full mouth in reply.

I chuckled in my bottle of beer and watched my two friends look daggers at each other with the same riled up expression on their faces. On Matt's because of Tom's clumsiness and inefficiency and on Tom's because of Matt's lack of sympathy. Personally, I was in the neutral zone; behind the kitchen counter, sitting on a high stool and safe from any knife cuts or 'Chef Matt's bitching.

"Don't tell me you've slashed your finger before even grazing the beef!"

"Hey, it's not my fault if your knives are so super sharp! It's like you spend your time honing them!" Tom struck back, indignate. He was holding his hand up in the air above his head now, his injured forefinger pointing at the ceiling, in an overdramatic attempt to stop the bleeding. "And besides, _why_ are they so sharp? Are we planning to shoot a remake of scream 'round here or what? !"

Matt rolled his eyes. "I don't see how a dull blade could... Damn it, you'll drop blood everywhere!" he panicked as he grasped Tom's wrist and pulled it over to rest above the sink and away from the food.

"Sure, I could bleed to death and you wouldn't even care. But when it comes to 'contaminating' your beloved pasta, you're suddenly on red alert!" Tom accused him. "You selfish wolverine!" he added bitterly, as an afterthought.

I knew that last line had meant to be sort of an insult relevant to Matt's obsession for pasta...but I couldn't help but picture Matt sticking out his chest while wearing a tight fitted suit marked by a big X and long metal claws stretching out of his knuckles. I giggled at the thought and both Matt and Tom shot me a death-look in response. I quickly swallowed back my smile.

"Quit acting like a baby," Matt said, returning his attention on Tom, "it's only a micro cut, I can't even see it!"

"Well, believe me, it's there," Tom answered just at the same time that "haaaands aaaaare reeeeed wiiIIIiiIIIth your blaaaaaaaaame" escaped my lips.

Their reaction was so immediate that I blenched.

"PLEASE DOM, DON'T SING!" they exclaimed in unison. "'Specially not that one," Matt completed, but lower this time.

"Alright, alright," I grunted, thoroughly vexed. I retreated into the living area of the room and plonked myself down on an armchair, trying to flee their black mood.

But soon, I became really tired of hearing Tom whining about the onions burning his eyes and Matt snapping 'be a man' back at him; and so sitting quietly with my beer in my hand wasn't enough anymore. Therefore I stood up and neared their stereo. I didn't know what CD was in it but it didn't really matter. I pressed play.

I frowned a fraction when a clear female voice accompanied by a heavy gothic rock background broke out of the speakers. That _wasn't_ the kind of music the guys usually listened to. A bit bewildered, I picked up the top CD on the little pile standing beside the stereo. 'Evanescence'. Ah, yes, I did remember that Lise had once said something about it. Something like 'oh my God, I'm a super-giga-mega-fan'... Well, it was better than nothing. I turned the volume up until it towered above Matt and Tom's voices.

_Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once..._

It did cover their voices, but it didn't stop them for all that. It was like they weren't even hearing the music playing. But _I_ did, and just like in a silent film, I could see them gesticulate, mostly Matt, and their lips were moving but I couldn't make out anything of what they were saying. Or maybe shouting, I didn't know. When I considered the exasperated look on their faces, I decided that it was probably shouting. It was unlikely that they could hear each other though, with the din in the room...

It lasted long enough for the song to end and for another one, by the same band, to take over. In the lapse of time between the two, I could hear them again. But the music had...well, pretty much raped my ears; so I wasn't able to comprehend any of the words they were saying. Mind you, I wasn't really trying to, on the contrary. But what I noticed was that my intuition had been correct: they _were_ shouting.

The beginning of the second song wasn't as loud as the first one had been. I had to increase the volume a little bit again and I idly wondered if that was what children felt like when they pressed their hands against their ears in order not to overhear their parents' arguments.

_Wake me up inside, save me, call my name and save me from the dark..._

At some point, Matt's self-control snapped. I saw him pick up his chopper again and for just a fraction of second I was worried there really was going to be a remake of scream in the kitchen. But as soon as the instrument had been in his hand, he'd angrily hurled it into the sink. The impact had been violent enough for the knife to rebound out of the sink, and onto the kitchen counter. If not for the music, the rattle racket it'd made would have surely startled me. Fortunately, it didn't hurt anyone.

Immediately after that, Matt thundered forth into his room and he banged the door. But again, I had just the images and no sound at all.

What Matt didn't know was that, behind his back, the front door had opened and Alex, Lise and Jade had come in just before he'd let out his burst of anger. The three of them stood dumbfounded for a few seconds, casting worried glances at each other as if they were contemplating the idea of going back to wherever they'd come from as soon as possible.

But then, Alex roused himself and scurried over to where I was leaning against the stereo cabinet. He reached out behind me and the music's volume greatly decreased. Next, he tried to talk to me but the only thing I heard at first was a wheezing 'weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'.

"...pletely nuts? ! weeeeeee...could hear it even in the hall...weeeeeeee...thankfull that the old geezer downstairs...weeeeee...not to call the cops!"

I frowned at him and rubbed the spots just under my ears while opening my mouth wide. "What?"

He winced. "No need to shout! _My_ hearing is perfectly working, unlike yours apparently..."

"Oh, sorry," I replied with a voice so low that it seemed inaudible to me. "What?" I asked again.

Alex looked at me as if he was going to repeat his scolding, but then dropped it. "Nevermind..." he sighed.

"What's wrong with Matt?" Jade cut in, from the other side of the room. If I could hear her from that distance, it definitely meant my hearing was getting better. When I looked up at her, I saw that her eyebrows were drawn together in worry. She seemed genuinely, really concerned.

I opened my mouth to try and give her some kind of reassuring explanation but Tom was faster than me.

"Oh, absolutely nothing is wrong with Matt," he began, his voice thick with irony, "except from the fact that he's acting like a FUCKING ARSEHOLE tonight." He'd shouted the insult over his shoulder, towards Matt's room.

But if Matt's hearing had been as fucked up as mine, I wondered if he'd caught that. However, it wasn't very probable that he hadn't. Let's not forget that Matt was the kind of guy who would stick his ear against his amp while making his guitar scream... He must have concrete ear-drums.

"What happened?" Jade insisted, looking straight at me this time.

I waved my hand at her, trying to tell her not to worry. "It's nothing. I'll handle it." She didn't look convinced, but my own cool reaction to the situation surprised even me.

Thereupon, I pushed myself away from the stereo cabinet and walked across the corridor, to Matt's room.

My soft knock at his door was met by a muffled 'go away!'. I sighed and turned the handle before stepping into the darkness of his room. He hadn't lit any of his lamps and I had to leave the door ajar, so that I could glimpse his bed where he was lying. I believed he was on his side, his back at me. I sat down at a corner of his bed.

"Matt, come on, it's you who are acting immature now. Please, come back with us in the living room..." I said. I tried again after a minute when he didn't react. "What's your thought process in playing possum? Are you gonna spend all evening cloistered in here? Huh?"

He still wasn't moving, wasn't talking.

"Jade's here," I attempted on an innocent tone. A 'this-is-not-supposed-to-be-an-important-information' tone.

Magic words.

He rolled onto his back and sighed long and deep. But after a moment or two he got up to his feet. I waited until he was out of the room to let a quiet hollow laugh escape my lips. It was sort of sad that after all this time she still remained his weakness. Or his strength. It depended on how you saw it.

After a minute of being lost in my own thoughts, I followed in his tracks. When I passed Alex and Lise's bedroom, their voices, mingled with opening and closing drawers sounds, drifted out from the half-opened door. In the living-room, the stereo had been turned completely off, and most of the noises in here were coming part from the now-switched-on TV and part from the American kitchen.

Tom was flopped on the couch with one arm lain on top of the couch's back, watching a rebroadcast of some canned-laughter sitcom, but with his sulking face, I doubted that he found any of it funny. Matt was bustling about in the kitchen, his mouth firmly set into a mute line. And finally, Jade sat quietly at the kitchen counter, watching Matt's every move with cautious eyes.

A stinging curiosity suddenly took hold of me and I found myself irresistibly wanting to spy whatever was going to transpire between the two of them.

Trying to seem as inconspicuous as I could, I turned the armchair in the living-room that was the closest to the kitchen slightly to the right, and then plopped down onto it. I'd rotated it with a specific angle, such that I could now see the kitchen's reflection in the wall mirror which was standing next to the TV. It _looked_ like I was watching the sitcom with Tom, but my whole attention was focused on Matt and Jade.

To my great disappointment, nothing happened for a while. But then Jade eventually spoke up, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

"So...guys night tonight?" she began, trying to sound light-hearted.

Off to my left, Tom snorted, but said nothing.

"Yeah, guys night..." Matt answered, his gloomy intonation sharply contrasting with Jade's previous one. "Well, it's not as if we really have a choice," he went on, "since you lot are having some sort of triple date tonight."

I don't know if Matt had let the bitterness creep into his voice on purpose or not, but Jade seemed to have heard it as clearly as I had. Her reflection flinched a tiny bit as his words hit her.

"Maybe you could ask Charlenne and Em' to join you..." she sounded contrite and I felt somewhat sorry for her. Then again, everyone knew one shouldn't try to start a conversation with Matt when he was in his grumpy spleen state.

"We have," he snapped but then he restarted his sentence, and even if I could only see his back right now, I was sure that the struggle in his voice, as he tried to be less aggressive, would also be visible on his face. "We already have. But they were heading out to some charity event organized by Em's school. No, it's only the three of us tonight."

'_Blimey, Matt... You sound like it's such a living death to spend an evening with Tom and me. _I'm_ here for Christ's sake. _Me_. Dom! Or is my presence not good enough to make up for her absence anymore?_'

Without warning, I was affected by something I'd never felt before. _Jealousy._

Well, I had already felt jealous in my life, but never in that way. Once, I'd been jealous of Matt when Jade had favoured him. But now, I was green-eyed because of the exact opposite reason. Because I was convinced that in that thick skull of his, not a minute went by without him thinking about her.

I forced myself to push away that sour emotion. Jade wasn't accountable for the situation. Matt was. Matt had brought this upon him himself. Matt was the one who should take the blame.

'_The blame for what?_' a little voice whispered in my head, '_...for losing his heart to her? What about your own share of responsibility in the story, Dom? Who's the most foolish, the one who falls in love or the one trying to come in between?_'

I grunted and crossed my arms on my chest, closing that thought's door. I didn't want to address _that_ elephant in the room. Not now.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Tom cast an intrigued glance at me because of my sudden change of attitude which had come with no apparent reason, but he didn't investigate and I was thankful for that.

During my little introspection, Jade and Matt had only exchanged a couple more sentences before falling silent again. I was starting to try and understand what the sitcom was about when a deafening humming, coming from behind me, rendered the characters' dialogue inaudible.

Instead of glancing at the mirror, I twisted myself on my seat to look directly at the source of the racket in the kitchen this time. It was the food processor, running in full mode, in which Matt had put...I don't know, tomatoes, meat and onions probably.

With an exasperated grumble, Tom picked up the TV's remote and turned the volume up. It didn't do any good. The amount of noise in the room increased, but the show wasn't watchable for all that.

'_Crap. How am I gonna eavesdrop on them now?_'

But the appliance's clatter didn't last very long. Soon, it began spluttering. Only now and then at first, but then more and more often, until it finally died with a rattling screech.

"Fucking shit!" Matt hissed while battering the food processor's buttons, trying to get the thing to work again but without much success.

All of a sudden, I knew this was going to be the last straw. I winced in advance at the tantrum that I was sure would come.

But nothing came. For when Matt seemed to be on the verge of explosion, Jade reached out over the counter and gently laid a delicate hand on Matt's forearm.

As soon as I saw that, I whirled round again, turned down the TV's volume to its original level- without any complaints coming from Tom- and resumed my spying. I didn't know if Tom was on to my little game or not, and I honestly didn't care.

Matt looked as tight as a drum and was standing completely still. It was as if her touch had changed him into a pillar of salt. But he'd shifted before, so that I could perceive his face now.

"Matt," Jade began with a low and intimate voice which compelled me to prick up my ears in order to catch the rest, "are you okay?"

He chuckled without humor, keeping his eyes fixed on his hands. "Tip-top!" he croaked. Of course he couldn't have sounded more sarcastic.

"I'm serious. Are you okay?" she reiterated softly.

This time Matt raised his eyes to her face. He opened and closed his mouth in turn a couple of times, breathing in for a sentence which, apparently, didn't want to come. Then he snuck a glance over his shoulder, at Tom and me, as if checking that we weren't paying attention to them. Fortunately he didn't meet my gaze in the mirror, but I felt a bit guilty for being such a nosey-parker nevertheless. Yet not guilty enough to make me look away; curiosity won once again.

Matt exhaled with a sigh, releasing those breaths that hadn't come out into words. He looked down at her hand on his forearm and then slowly drew away but not with the intention of shrugging her off. On the contrary, she wasn't moving and he was pulling his arm back, sliding it under her hand, without ever breaking the contact with her skin. At one point his hand finally met hers and he hesitantly curled his fingers around it.

"I _am_ fine, don't worry" he told her. He seemed earnest, but it was always hard to know for sure with him. He could be a very good bluffer when he wanted to. However, he sounded more relaxed than he ever had this evening, and his body looked unwound, clearly less tense than before.

Hats off to her. Concerning the 'soothing Matt' domain, she undeniably was a past master. Definitely, her being sweet and gentle had been much more efficient than my 'musical therapy'...which had only consisted in trying to silence him through bellowing music. Instead of overpowering his wrath, she had softly stroked it away... Perhaps having two chromosomes X was necessary to understand that kind of thing...

They were faintly smiling at each other now, but Alex unintentionally broke their tender moment.

"Jade, Lise's asking for you," he began from the corridor, but his voice was inevitably getting closer. As soon as she'd heard her name, Jade'd tugged her hand away from Matt's and the latter moved closer to the sink, his reflection disappearing from the mirror and from my sight.

Alex entered the living-room and came to sit next to his twin. "She says that she's found _the_ black top you two were talking about earlier, says that she'd like you to try it on with _the_ much-talked-about vest." He'd delivered the message just like some one would have repeated a sentence in a foreign language, remembering only the sounds, without grasping the meaning.

Evidently, Jade understood what all this was about and headed toward Alex and Lise's bedroom. Once she was out of the room, I turned my attention to the telly again, since Alex and Matt were just having small talk in the kitchen now. Tom had changed the channel and was now watching a game show. Its host's jokes were pretty low-leveled, but it was still better than the sitcom.

After fifteen minutes or so, the girls came back from the bedroom, well-dressed and wearing light make-up, both looking smart and sexy. Nothing like the cheapfucks Matt and I were used to.

Alex instantly wrapped his arm around his girlfriend, and perhaps that was the reason why the one capturing most of my attention was Jade. With her rosy cheeks and lips, she looked lovely and delicious. The gleaming forbidden fruit, ripe for the taking. Jack really _was_ a lucky guy.

"Are you girls ready?" Alex asked them.

"Uh-huh," was Lise's answer while Jade just settled for a nod.

"Perfect! Let's go then," wrapped it all up and the three of them picked up purses and coats before nearing the front door.

"Have fun!" I called out to them, twisting around and flashing them my Colgate smile.

They smiled back, and then they were gone. Matt kept staring longingly at the door long after it had closed.

I could feel it in my bones, this was going to be a tough night.

* * *

title: In Your World + New Born

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez**. (And it really was necessary ^^)


	41. Like the desert miss the rain

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ! ! ! ! ! !

Sorry guys, this is not a very happy chapter again...at least the end of it. I promise it'll get better lol. In fact, I hadn't planned to end this chapter in this way, I wanted to close it with what will end the next chapter (am I making any sense here?) but if I hadn't cut it in half, it would've been waaaaay too long.

I'm making some references to the TV show 'Lost' in this chapter (yeah, this is something I have in common with Matt, I love it). So I'm giving you some links of youtube's videos showing the scene I'm describing. You don't have to watch them to understand the chapter, but it's just in case you're curious. Maybe you could watch them when you reach the part where I'm talking about them.

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=hzhEXdV7Ygo (the last 45 seconds are useless...)

http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=z7Qns_lPV_0

Something else, if I haven't updated for so long, it's not only because I have a lot on my mind with university and everything... I've been working on some other story called 'You're in the jungle baby!' If you're tired of reading about TFOPF's characters mind's torments and you want some more action... Well, maybe this is for you :)

Thanks to mrs. bellamy for the review. Since I can't PM you, the answer to your question is in the bottom A.N.

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**I'LL COMFORT YOU MY FRIEND, HELPING YOU TO BLOW IT ALL AWAY (2/3) Like the desert miss the rain.**

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

Okay, perhaps I had been a little bit pessimistic. So far, things were going on smoothly.

Of course, neither Matt nor Tom had apologized; they were far too proud for that. But sometime after the other three had left, they had implicitly declared a truce and set aside the hostility. They both were as stubborn as a mule, but fortunately mature enough to put an end to their quarrel so that the evening wouldn't turn into a real torture.

Once Matt had informed Tom and me that our dinner was simmering, and that we wouldn't have anything to do but stir it from time to time for a little while, we had all settled in to watch a movie. After some due deliberation, we finally agreed on watching a few episodes of 'Lost'.

Obviously, Matt had been absolutely thrilled by the idea, even if he already knew the first season by heart. I had seen every episode at least once for my part, but it didn't bother me to watch some of them again. Tom, on the other hand, had only seen a few episodes and he'd wanted to know what happened next. And so things had fitted together nicely, and we'd made up our mind to resume the season where Tom had left it.

I was now lazily stretching out on the sofa, my belly warm and full with Matt's succulent pasta. The gifted chef in question was sitting on the floor, his back propped up against the couch's front. I had suggested that we both sit on the couch but he'd said that the best spot in the room to watch TV was _right_ in the middle of the aforementioned couch. And since it was a two-seat sofa, he wouldn't be able to occupy that spot if we both sat on it. So, he'd grabbed a comfortable cushion, he'd flung it on the rug just in front of the couch's middle, and had settled down on it.

I had argued, told him that it was ridiculous, that I wouldn't let him sit on the floor in his own apartment, but he'd insisted and had answered that he didn't mind at all. So, hey, whatever the genius says! It'd allowed me to make myself at home: my feet were currently dangling at one side of the couch while my head was comfortably buried in a soft pillow, laying against the armrest on the other side of the couch. I wasn't _exactly_ in front of the TV screen...but I wasn't as pernickety as Matt either.

As for Tom, he'd stayed out of it and had claimed the snuggest armchair of the room on the sly.

On the TV screen our second episode of the evening was playing and Sayid was busy torturing Sawyer, sliding bamboo slivers under his fingernails.

_"Don't stop now," Sawyer said, "I think my sinuses are clearing."_

I let out a gigglesnort. "That guy's awesome," I muttered.

_Sawyer said he'd talk, but only to Kate. The latter went to Sawyer and offered a trade for the inhalers. He said that he'd give it up for a kiss from her. Kate finally agreed and an innocent peck turned into something more that they both seemed to enjoy. But then Sawyer admitted that he never had had the medicine and that all this had been a bluff. Kate slapped Sawyer, hard!_

"Pfff! Come on... What guy on _Earth_ would go to the expense of getting himself _tortured_ just for a girl's kiss..." Tom protested.

"One who's desperate," Matt answered quietly before taking a swig of his beer bottle.

I stayed silent and Tom uttered an unconvinced 'Mm' in return.

About half an hour later, the sign 'LOST' written in big silver letters stood out against the black background, announcing the end of the episode.

Matt sprang to his feet. "Okay, now to the dessert!" he proclaimed excitedly. But then he frowned and something cut him down in his tracks. "Hum... Remind me...what desserts are there...?" Matt asked Tom, big question marks in his eyes.

Tom scratched his nape and poked out his lower lip a little. "Mmmmm... I think there're the classics: fruit yogurt, applesauce... I know Alex and Lise bought some cream cheese yesterday... Oh, and there's the last piece of Charlenne's red velvet cake-"

"Cake!" Matt and I exclaimed simultaneously. Our eyes met.

"Bagsie!" Matt shouted. And before I could even start to stand up, he'd opened the fridge.

I sighed and plonked myself down on the sofa again. "Well, at least bring me a yogurt..." I grumbled.

Matt came back from the kitchen with desserts for everyone. He even 'allowed' me to have a bite of the cake. He did out of generosity but it only made it worse. _One_ bite wasn't satisfying enough; on the contrary it was frustrating.

Anyways, we watched a whole new episode after that and even started a fourth one. But after a while, I noticed Matt'd lost interest. Yet he loved the show... But I must admit that he'd become very easily distracted this last few months.

My attention was partly focused on the TV, partly on him. He'd begun fiddling with his phone now and then and after a time, I heard his phone vibrate back.

As soon as he'd gotten an answer, the TV was completely forgotten. I didn't know who he was texting- even if I had some inkling of who it might be- but his interlocutor was typing _fast_ in all cases. He- or _she_...- seemed to be answering to Matt's flood of text messages tit for tat.

He chuckled softly at some point and I relaxed. As long as he was cheerful...

I shifted on the sofa and twiddled the cushion's corner while I watched the screen.

A few minutes past and now it was just some not-so-interesting scene showing one of Claire's flashbacks. So, my eyes slid back to Matt. He didn't look so merry anymore.

I was watching him out of the corner of my eyes when my own cellphone vibrated in my back pocket, startling me. I frowned when I saw it was a text from Jade. But when I read it, my eyebrows twitched upwards.

*Is Matt drunk?*

I glanced at the subject of her question, who was intensely watching his phone's screen, and then at the few bottles of beer standing next to him on the carpet. But it was only a _couple_ of bottles.

I took a deep breath in as I thought, pondering how I would phrase my answer.

*It's possible...but very improbable. Why?* was what I finally sent.

Her response came not so long after I'd deleted the acknowledge receipt.

*Just checking*

'_Great Jade... You just couldn't be more explicit..._'

Matt's phone resumed its vibrating then. Well, there wasn't any doubt about who he was conversing with now. Although at some point, Matt's phone stopped manifesting itself altogether. Its owner's was frowning while he kept tapping and strumming the touch screen but the little black rectangle stayed stubbornly still.

After a minute or two, Matt huffed and tossed his cellphone sideways with a flip of his hand. It landed soundlessly on the rug next to him.

Even from where I was lying, I could tell that there was a very unhappy look on his face right now.

I sighed. I didn't know what all this was about...but I didn't like it. Matt was staring at the rug in front of him, not caring about his phone anymore but not watching the TV either. He seemed edgy.

About five minutes later he got to his feet and headed towards the corridor without a word. A bit bewildered, I watched him go for a couple of seconds, until I understood that he was going to leave the room without any explanation. I bent forward, reaching for the remote, and paused the movie.

"Hey, where're you going?" I asked him.

He turned to me and seemed to blink back to life, as if I had just torn him out of some daydream he'd been wandering through.

"Oh, I'm...just going to...water the flowers. Nature calling," he answered, trying to smile. "You don't have to stop the episode for me. I've already seen it. Four times."

I looked at Tom interrogatively. "That's alright...we can wait for you," Tom told Matt.

"Yeah, we're in no hurry," I seconded.

Matt shrugged. "Suit yourselves," he said, before walking out of the room.

In the silence of the living-room, only slightly disturbed by the barely audible high-pitched hissing noise produced by the TV, I moved about on the couch, thinking about Matt's strange behaviour. I glanced at Tom and noticed that he was looking down. But not staring into the void, no, he was looking at something in particular. When I followed his gaze I realised that he'd been in fact staring at Matt's cellphone...which he had left on the rug.

I felt a thick wave of curiosity mixed with guilt rising up inside me. The little black rectangle seemed to be pulsing, radiating a weird attraction around itself. It was like I could almost hear it whisper: 'hello, pick me up!'

I grunted and wrenched my eyes away from it. I wouldn't act prying _twice_ in one evening. Spying on Matt and Jade earlier had already been enough. Tom and I furtively exchanged a look, and I knew he was thinking the same thing than I.

I kept adjusting my position on the couch, feeling antsy. Why Matt couldn't come back into the room already? !

As I tapped my fingers against my thigh, I cast another glance at Tom. He chin was resting on his thumb-tip and his forefinger was curled against his lips, a classical thoughtful posture. His eyes were still fixed on the phone. When he felt my gaze on him his eyes flicked up and met mine again. The message was clear.

Whithout warning I swung my legs off the couch, bent fowards and grabbed Matt's phone on the floor, moving quickly to avoid thinking. Once I got it in hand, I directly went in search of the 'Jade conversations archives.'

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_20 minutes earlier, another type of scenes were playing on a much bigger screen, in the dark room of a small Londonian movie theater._

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

"Oh no... And now it's going to eat her," I whined as I tried to hide from the scary scenes. I took Jack's hand in mine and brought it up before my eyes, but I couldn't help peeking through the spaces between his fingers.

"Nah...it's too early in the movie," Jack whispered back while the music became more and more oppressing. "The brunette got eaten ten minutes ago. They can't kill all their female protagonists in the first half hour..."

"Yeah, but there'd still be the red-headed one left, so it can devour thIS ONE!" my voice's volume soared and the tone turned shrilly when the open mouth of a giant shark broke the glassy surface of the ocean's water. The beast tried to take a nip of the bimbo's leg, but it missed.

Jack quietly chuckled next to me. "See? I told you."

I'd brought my hand flat against my breastbone, as if it could calm down the frenetic beating of my heart, when I heard sniggers behind me. I twisted my head to the left and, thanks to the bluish light produced by the screen, I was able to get a glimpse of Chris and Kathy's faces. They were both crossed by huge mocking smiles.

"Hey Jade! You think you'll want to go to the pool after that?" Chris threw, loud enough to be heard over the movie's dialogs.

Our box of popcorn was standing on the seat next to Jack's one, so I bent over him in order to grab a handful of it. I swivelled round and threw it at the couple sitting just a few rows behind us.

They laughed and Chris easily warded off the few grains that could have reached their target. Then he started humming the main theme of 'Jaws'.

I grunted and slumped back onto my seat. "Ugh! I hate these kind of movies!" I grumbled. "Why the hell am I here?" I asked to myself outloud before turning to Jack. "Why the hell are _we_ here?"

Oh but I knew why we were here. We were here because neither my brother nor my lover were man enough to oppose Chris! Just because Chris' girlfriend was fond of bad horror movies shouldn't mean that Lise and I had to undergo this... But if I was honest with myself I couldn't deny the fact that my own refusal hadn't been extremely passionate.

Kathy loved these kind of movies, and Chris had convinced Alex and Jack to coaxed Lise and myself into agreeing to go and see it. It had been either that, a soapy romantic comedy, or a dull teen movie. I would've preferred the romantic comedy. Even if it wasn't my favorite genre, it still had sounded like the best option among the three. But Jack had talked me into choosing the horror movie, thanks to his puppy eyes technique and some 'it'll be fun!'s.

Yeah, 'fun' my arse! The thing was that the movie wasn't that terrifying or disgusting, the acting was horrendous and the effects were lazy, making the whole unrealistic. But...I was the kind to scream when a scene made me jump. And I tended to be startled by _every_ scene that was meant to be startling.

I knew this, so I was trying to refrain myself from screaming. The problem was that I couldn't quite do it, and it resulted in me letting out some very inelegant strangled cries on and off.

Jack wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close but I could tell he was smiling.

"Nothing's funny," I grouched.

He kissed my forehead and apologized. "Sorry. If you hate it so much we can leave, you know. We can wait for them in the pub opposite the street," he suggested.

I sighed and huddled up in his arms. "No, it's okay." I wasn't going to give Chris _that_ satisfaction.

The big advantage was that the six of us were almost all alone in the room. There was just one additional weirdo sitting in the first row. In fact it _could_ have been an advantage if Jack and I weren't interrupted by some screaming in the movie every time we tried to cuddle.

Though this time it looked like we weren't going to be cut short. I was nuzzling my way up his neck, inhaling his scent deeply. I doubted anyone on Earth could smell as good as he did. Well, actually...and if my memories were clear...there was _someone_. Undisturbed by the thought- which had only briefly peeped out in the back of my mind- I was about to lay a light kiss on his cheek when a muffled melody rose from somewhere close to me.

I frowned at first, wondering what it could be, until I realised it was my phone. "Shit! I've forgotten to turn the ringer off," I said while I searched frantically for it in my bag, eager to silence the damn thing.

I found it, put it into silent mode and was ready to store it back into its pocket until I saw who'd written to me.

Matt.

'_Speak of the Devil... Or even _think_ of him..._'

My thumb lightly grazed the phone's screen while I hesitated to open the message right away or not. But my hand seemed to act on its own will and before I knew it I was reading the text message.

*How's the evening going?*

I recognized that tone. When he started like that, it meant that if I answered, more texts would follow. Yet it felt rude just to ignore it entirely...especially since I knew he'd have received the receipt. I darted a look at Jack. He was staring straight ahead, apparently absorbed in the movie.

I tugged at my lower lip as I thought and shrunk back in my seat a little. How wrong could it be? I finally made up my mind and my left hand fiddled with my hair while I tapped my answer with the right one.

*Good. We're at the movies.* I was hoping that he wouldn't take the shortness of the message the wrong way...but I also hoped he would catch the hidden meaning here. Now wasn't really the best time to have a text conversation.

Unfortunately, my phone vibrated before I could put it back into my bag. I should have expected it...

*Is the movie good?*

I sighed and planned to answer a short and blunt 'yes' but another scream coming from the speakers in the room made me jump. I had managed not to react too badly this time, because my attention hadn't been focused on the screen, but my heart was nonetheless thumping pugnaciously against my ribcage.

I pursed my lips and poured my annoyance out in the message. *I was gonna say yes. But no. It absolutely sucks.* My thumb tapped 'send' a little bit more harshly than necessary.

The reply came surprisingly fast again. *Let me guess, Kat's choice?-* he figured out, *-At least it means I'm not disturbing then.*

I cast a glance at Jack again, feeling inexplicably peccant. Well, Matt had interrupted _something_... As if he'd sensed the weight of my stare on him, Jack turned to me and the screen's feeble light allowed me to catch the interrogative look on his face.

"Is everything okay?" he whispered, indicating my phone with a movement of his chin.

I tilted the phone in question towards me and instantly regretted it. I had no reason to feel guilty...so I'd better not act like I was.

"Yes..." I whispered back, cut short by another vibration coming from the little device in my hand. Pressed by its obstinate insistence, the next words tumbled out of my mouth, before I could really think them through. "I'm gonna step out for a few minutes."

'_Oh, am I?_'

"I... I need some air," I tried to justify, feeling like the explanation was meant for me as much as for Jack.

He frowned, "you okay? Is it the movie or something?"

"No, no, it's..." Christ, I was making blunder after blunder, what was I going to invent now... "It's a girl," first lie, "from school," second lie, "she's...in a bit of a situation", third lie. If someone was in a bit of a situation here, it was me. My face was starting to feel hot. "I- I won't be long," I finally mumbled before scrambling to my feet, eager to escape from this slippy position.

I strode over Jack's legs, avoiding his eyes, and walked along the row of seat till I reached the side aisle.

"Ah, we have our first yielding here!" I heard Chris sneer.

I poked my tongue out towards him, hopping he would glimpse it even in the dark. I then made my way up the steps and squinted when I pushed open the room's heavy door, trying to accommodate to the change of lighting. The lobby was completely deserted.

Glad to be out of the movie's room, I stretched, feeling a bit groggy.

While I scuffed toward a nearby couch, I glanced down at my phone again, reading the last text received. *Hello? Earth to Jade? Or is the movie suddenly interesting?*

I snorted and slouched on the red velvet of the sofa, typing my answer. *I'm here. You know, I don't have super fast fingers like yours enabling me to write at light speed. And besides, I'm in a cinema, I'm supposed to have other things to do.*

Waiting for the response, I sighed and settled more comfortably on the couch, laying on my back with my legs folded, staring at the ceiling. I brought my left arm over my head and rested my nape on it, my right hand was playing about with the cellphone on my stomach.

I didn't have to wait too long. He'd completely overlooked the last remark of my message and had instead focused on another part.

*Super fast fingers? Are we expressing subconscious desires here, Jade?*

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smiling. '_Men... All the same._'

*I was referring to your musical abilities, nothing more,* was what I send in reply, but I quickly wrote another message before he could respond to that one. *How is your evening going? Not so captivating, if you started texting me. Still mad at Tom?*

But he'd got the time to send an answer to the first message before receiving the second one. *Sure. But if you ever feel like going in search of new sensations... You know I'm here! I'm giving you permission to use me as a guinea pig.*

I chuckled when reading that but I didn't intend to answer. I wouldn't write to him until he replied to the second message. It was the only way I could make him drop this flirty, ambiguous subject.

He waited about two minutes before giving up. *I don't have to be bored to text you. Tom's a jerk, but I forgive him. We're watching Lost.*

My brows slightly rose when I read that last part. They were watching _Lost_...and Matt was texting me? I'd seen him watch episodes he already knew by heart and still be hanging on the edge of his seat. His flat could have been burning down and he wouldn't even have noticed.

I was frowning now, hesitantly typing my answer. *How's that possible? Don't you think there's an incoherence somewhere here?*

*What do you mean?* Gee, he was writing back so fast now that it almost felt like we were instant messaging.

*How can you be writing to me if there's Lost playing in the background?*

*God, why does everybody think I'm so obsessed with this show? And I've already seen that ep at least 4 times. I know all the dialogs. It's not like I'm missing anything here.*

'_And you're wondering why everyone thinks you're obsessed with it?_'

He realised that without needing any remark from me.

*OK, maybe I AM obsessed with it. But it still doesn't change anything. Why do you sound so surprised by the fact that I'm texting you tonight?*

*I'm not exactly surprised, it's just that you don't seem to have anything in particular to say...*

*If I'm bothering the shit out of you, just say it.*

Damn... Maybe he wasn't angry at Tom anymore, but he still was highly touchy and truculent. I couldn't figure out what was up with him tonight... And the problem with text messaging was that I couldn't try to read him with through his body language or his facial expressions. Yet, the last text's tone was rather clear, it seemed very snappish... I tried to soothe him down with my following message.

*Don't be angry. It's not what I meant. But usually people text each other to exchange short pieces of information, not to have a whole conversation. Most of the time there's a specific reason for each text. Except if you're bored.*

At least a good minute had passed and he still hadn't replied. An unpleasant feeling started fluttering low in my stomach. I was afraid he wouldn't answer at all. It bothered me how strongly I was reacting to his mood swings, he was getting to me way too easily for my liking.

His answer finally popped on my screen and my heart thumped with relief. But a short relief, that only lasted till I finished reading his message.

*Well, I have no specific reason and I'm not bored. I just miss you.*

He just missed me? I didn't like the way this conversation was going. I had a feeling it was slipping away from my control...

I probably should have told him it was ridiculous, or tried to change the topic again, or maybe even stopped answering altogether. Instead I pushed it a little further.

*What do you mean you miss me? You've seen me not three hours ago.*

*Just the same. Three hours is too long. I miss you. I always miss you anyway.*

Now my heart was pounding at a really alarming speed. I lifted my body into a sitting position again, all the while staring at his words. _I always miss you anyway?_ Christ, what did _that_ mean?

Without even realising it I sprang to my feet and started pacing around restlessly. I was in deep water here. Again, I couldn't know how he would have said it outloud, but it sounded pretty serious to me... What was happening to him? He'd avoided being too forward up until now. Why now? What had suddenly changed? Was it really a change? Or was I just trying to read much too much between the lines?

But most of all...why was it that beyond my panic there was...happiness? Did I _want_ him to miss me? Did _I_ miss him?

The hot swirling of my jumbled thoughts threatened to overwhelm me and I swayed lightly on my feet, feeling a bit dizzy. I moved closer to the sofa again and leaned on one of its armrests. All that only because of one little text message.

I glanced at my mobile once again while I skirted around the armrest and plopped down on the couch.

_I miss you. I always miss you anyway._

I wasn't reading between the lines. It was quite straightforward. The question now was: what would I do about it? I swallowed hard and looked up, only to stare at nothing in particular in front of me.

He was with Dom and Tom right now. In his apartment, watching a TV show he loved. What more could there be... Alcohol? Was he drunk? That may explain it, the whole 'out of the blue' of it.

My mobile agitated again.

*Are you still there?*

Before I could answer him, I had to get some enlightenment on his sobriety or drunkenness state right now. I texted Dom, hoping that his phone would be in his reach, asking him if Matt was drunk or not. Thankfully, he replied rather quickly.

*It's possible...but very improbable. Why?* was what Dom returned me. Great. Couldn't he have been a little less cryptic? !

It probably meant that Matt _had_ drunk, but _wasn't_ drunk. He was probably tipsy...but not intoxicated. Somehow, I would have preferred him to be drunk. It felt worse that he would say something like that and probably mean it.

*Jade?* Matt prompted me again.

I sighed and bit my lower lip. First, I wrote back to Dom. Then, mustering some courage and determination, I tried to answer to Matt.

*This is not something we can talk about through text messaging.*

He responded almost instantly. He must have been on the outlook for my reply.

*This is something we can NEVER talk about.*

My heart was beating in my temples now, and my stomach almost hurt because of the sudden stress. He wasn't going to let this go easily now. I leaned fowards and rested my elbows on my knees writing my answer with both hands.

*I didn't think that we needed to.*

"Jade?"

That had been real. Not four letters on my phone but truly my name being pronounced. I jerked back to reality and my head snapped up. Jack had just exited the movie's room too, and he was walking toward me.

"Oh, hey..." I blurted as I promptly turned my phone round on my thigh, screen down against my jeans.

He came to sit next to me. He was faintly smiling, but his eyes were troubled. I gulped and slid my mobile sideways until it rested on the couch, still face down.

"How's the movie going?" I asked quickly, not taking the risk to let him inquire about my phone. Phone that had just vibrated again in my hand.

He laid his arm on the backrest's top and gave me a sweet crooked smile. "Just following the same old train. It's not quite as funny when no one's here to bury their face in your neck every time they're scared."

I tried to smile back. "Yeah... Well, I was just about to go back." Fourth lie... Had I been Pinocchio, my nose would've probably hit the wall opposite me by now...

My mobile throbbed once more and, as if he'd heard it, Jack cast a glance at it.

"Is...your friend okay?" he didn't look suspicious, on the contrary he sounded sympathetic. It was making it all worse, to know that he was trusting me so blindly.

Feeling sick with myself, I found it difficult to hold his gaze. "Yeah... It...it sorted itself out," I told him before looking down. Fifth lie, probably the biggest one.

He took my free hand into one of his and tucked my hair behind my left ear with his other one. My eyes flicked up to meet his again.

"Okay," he said softly. "Do you want to go back in there or do you want us to leave?" he said, indicating the door of the movie's room.

I shook my head, "we don't have to leave. Let's go back."

He stood and I was about to do the same but an umpteenth tremor in my right hand stopped me. "Go ahead," I said, "I'll join you in a minute."

He nodded and headed towards the door.

As soon as he had turned around, I flipped my phone again. I forced myself not to look at what Matt had written and instead went straight to the point.

*I'm sorry Matt, I can't answer anymore. Have a nice evening.*

I sent it and rubbed my forehead as I closed my eyes, disgusted that I had to be so abrupt. I'd fucked everything up tonight. I'd lied to Jack and I had been awfully rude to Matt...

I sighed and stood up. Jack had been waiting for me by the door, keeping it open for me. I turned off my mobile on my way to him and stuffed it in my backpocket. I didn't know why, but I as walked past him, I suddenly felt extremely sad. I tried to fight against the forming lump in my throat, but if I didn't do something quickly, I could feel that tears would soon fill my eyes.

The door had closed behind me and in the vestibule of the movie's room the darkness was pretty heavy. Jack was just a step ahead of me, and without thinking, I grabbed his arm to stop him. He turned to me and before he could say anything I pressed my lips against his, grabbing a fistful of his hair.

After a few seconds of being unresponsive because the initial surprise he kissed me back, wrapping his arms around my waist. But he was kissing me too sweetly, too gently. I pushed him into the wall behind him and he finally matched the passion I wanted from him right now. We kissed like there was no tomorrow and when we eventually broke apart we were both panting and my lips were burning. I tucked my face into the crook of his neck and tried to catch my breath as I clung to his sweatshirt.

But I frustratingly discovered that it wasn't enough. The tension and sorrow were still there.

He kissed my temple and I exhaled against his skin. "I love you, you know," I breathed.

"I know," he whispered back, holding me close.

'_I just wish it were enough..._'

Whisking that bitter thought away, I tightened my arms around him. He hugged me for a long time, stroking my back, kissing my hair now and then, until he suggested that we go back to our seats. Numbly I nodded, letting him tug me along behind him. When we sat I stayed close to him, unable to let go.

I had to savour what we had right here, right now. For this feeling I had, that walls were closing in on me, was growing stronger every day.

* * *

This is for mrs. bellamy: I sort of made my ringtones myself. I've used a software: mp3DirectCut which, as the name says, allows you to cut mp3 files. I cut PiB from 0:05 to 0:30, I transferred it into my phone and I put it in ringtone. Makes me headbang every time someone calls me... Seriously that song is just so fucking bloody awesome... I think it's my favorite. Anyway... I've done the same thing with Hoodoo, I cut it at 0:04 and only kept the first 4 seconds. That's it, I hope it'll be useful :)

title: 'In Your World' + 'Missing' - Everything But The Girl

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez**.


	42. I won't leave you falling

**I'LL COMFORT YOU MY FRIEND, HELPING YOU TO BLOW IT ALL AWAY (3/3) I won't leave you falling.**

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

-Just the same. Three hours is too long. I miss you. I always miss you anyway.

-Are you still there?

-Jade?

-_This is not something we can talk about through text messaging._

-This is something we can NEVER talk about.

-_I didn't think that we needed to._

-Please, don't act like this is such a bombshell. You knew it'd come up again eventually.

-I wonder, how long do you expect this farce to go on?

-I mean, aren't you afraid one day Jack'll notice how sick at heart you look every time I'm hooking up with someone?

-_I'm sorry Matt, I can't answer anymore. Have a nice evening._

-Of course you can't. Cos that's how you deal with me. You put me on the back burner, every time I push you out of your comfort zone.

-**MESSAGE NOT RECEIVED**

-You do know I'll keep harassing you until you answer, right?

-**MESSAGE NOT RECEIVED**

-Harassing message 1.

-M**ESSAGE NOT RECEIVED**

-Harassing message 2.

-**MESSAGE NOT RECEIVED**

-Wait...have you turned your bloody phone off?

-**MESSAGE NOT RECEIVED**

That was where it stopped.

When Tom- who had been standing behind the couch, bending over to look at the phone over my shoulder- was finished reading, he straightened up and returned to his armchair without a word.

I slightly shook my head and sighed while I rolled the conversation up and down, skimming it one more time.

Dang, way back in the day. Why did I had have a feeling of déjà vu? Jade struggling to hold Matt at arm's length and Matt striving to break through that barrier. Yep, that did ring a few bells.

I heard the bathroom door open and I quickly closed the text conversation, locked the phone again, and put it back onto his original spot on the rug. Then I lay back on the couch, arms crossed under my head.

Matt shuffled into the room and sat down again on his cushion. When he realised I wasn't going to move, he picked up the remote and pressed play. I hadn't looked at his face, but he seemed to be totally unaware of the snooping.

Good for Tom and me. If I had been in Matt's shoes and I had discovered the truth, I would've bitten our heads off for being so outrageously prying. Yet, I wasn't really feeling guilty right now. Actually...I was irritated. Even if I probably didn't have the right to be.

Matt's behaviour was just getting on my nerves. I mean, _I_ had gotten over the damn girl, why couldn't he? Why _wouldn't_ he? He was just making our lives Hell. His own, Jade's, Tom's, mine...everybody's who was living near him. I mean, yes, perhaps it had been difficult for him not to give it a shot back when Jade had been his direct neighbour, and Jack had been far away. But after all these months? Couldn't he just get through his head that he had to set his sights on someone else? ! There were tons of girls out there, dying to be given a chance, starting with Emily for example. So why did it _have_ to be Jade?

Still staring at the ceiling, I huffed out of annoyance and in the corner of my eye I saw Matt turn his head a little, to cast a glance at me. I wanted to look back at him but when I did he'd already turned away.

The episode ended and it had been the last one on this DVD. Matt ejected it and got to his feet to put it back in its case. I didn't know if we were going to watch another one. I wasn't sure I wanted to in fact. What time was it anyway?...

"So, who d'you think Kate's gonna end up with? Sawyer or Jack?" Tom asked, probably trying to make the atmosphere less tense, as he lazily stretched himself in his armchair.

"Jack," was what I answered, exactly at the same time that Matt said "Sawyer." We'd both sounded very affirmative.

I looked at Matt. "Come on, you can't expect her to choose Sawyer over Jack..."

He frowned while he clicked the DVD onto its support. "Why not? She's obviously hung up on him."

"She just feels sorry for him, just like in season three-"

"Hey! Spoilers!" Tom cut me off.

I gave him a half-smile, "yeah, sorry." Then I turned back to Matt who'd just sat on an armchair, facing Tom and I. "But what I mean is that Sawyer's just an impulse. And besides Jack's a surgeon, a loaded, _rich_ surgeon, with all the compassion and generosity that comes with the doctor-pack. How can Sawyer compete with that?"

"He's a hunk and he's funny," Matt answered.

"Yeah, but he's unreliable," I pointed out.

"Jack's not so much more reliable. He just hides behind that 'good boy' front," Matt retorted.

Tom rose one finger, as if he wanted to say something, but I overtook him. "You're not being objective here."

Matt arched an eyebrow. "How am I not being objective?" he scoffed.

"You hate Jack."

"I don't _hate_ Jack, but he's being way overrated here, seriously," he replied. Funny...I had a feeling we weren't talking about Jack _Shepard_ anymore. "Jack's too sleek," he kept going, "he's too cool-headed, quiescent. Instead, Sawyer brings some peps."

"If by peps you mean trouble..."

"Well, at least he brings _something_. She... Kate...is blazing with intensity. She makes sparks fly, she should be with someone who's not afraid of fire, not one who's only trying to allay the flames. Jack's just wasting her time."

"Whose time?" I prompted him.

"Well, Ja- I mean Kate's," his cheeks flushed red when he almost slipped. I couldn't contain the knowing smirk that spread on my face. "Bloody hell, why do you ask so many questions suddenly?" he accused me, visibly flustered.

"No reason," I lightly answered. "Anyways, everybody knows that girls always choose the good daddy's boy in the end. It'll be Jack," I concluded, turning to Tom. He just glanced at me, before looking back at Matt again; he seemed to be a bit ill at ease.

"No. It'll be Sawyer."

I sighed. Matt'd crossed his arms, looking more stubborn than ever.

"Jack."

"Sawyer."

Again, Tom tried to interfere with a weak: "er..."

I shook my head. "Jack."

"Sawyer!" Matt exclaimed. "It'll be Sawyer, it's Sawyer, it always has been Sawyer!"

Maybe it was because I felt his self control was beginning to crack that mine disappeared entirely. "_Dammit Matt!_" I scolded. "Why won't you just _let go_ of her? !"

I was boiling and it was only when I saw Matt wince as if I'd hit him, that I realised what I had just said and I froze.

Matt had closed his eyes, a look of controlled distress on his face. Tom wasn't moving either. You could have heard a pin drop. Right now, I was praying for something to happen. Just..._anything_ that would stop the ticking seconds from stretching into this stony atmosphere.

Matt finally broke the heavy silence when he sucked in a shaky breath. "Because I _can't_," he muttered, in a way that could have made a rock cry. Then he stood and briskly walked out of the room.

"Smooth. Very smooth," Tom mumbled when Matt's bedroom door shut close.

"Oh, shut up," I whined as I rubbed a hand over my face. I was already feeling about an inch high, I didn't need his remarks.

What the hell had I done again... This was a taboo subject. Matt's attraction to Jade was a taboo subject. I _knew_ that. So how could I have let this burst out? How could I have thrown this at his face, harshly and roughly like I had?

Tom had begun bustling about nervously around me. He was picking up our dishes, our glasses, laying them in the kitchen's sink, filling the room with clickety and rattling sounds. He kept doing this until he sighed, leaned against the sink's edges with both his hands and looked up at me.

"Are you gonna get up off your arse and clean up your mess?"

My eyes shot him daggers but I didn't reply. He was right, I had to clean up my mess.

I got to my feet and reluctantly went to knock at Matt's door. No 'go away' welcomed me. Nothing welcomed me. I tried again and there was still nothing but silence an emptiness coming from the room.

I was apprehensive, but I couldn't just leave him like that. He was holed up in there because of me. Licking the wounds that _I_ had reopened.

Taking a deep breath in, I tried to pluck up some courage and turned the handle before poking my head around the door.

Matt had his back turned to me, sitting on the edge of his bed, his forearms resting on his thighs, head hung low. He was lit sideways by his bedside table's lamp, the only source of light in his room.

I swallowed. "...Matt?" I tried tentatively.

He sighed, and that was all. My eyebrows drew together in concern. This wasn't going to be a pleasant ride.

I carefully slid closer to him and came to sit next to him, all the while looking out for his reactions. He didn't complain but he didn't look up either, he just kept staring at his feet.

For a long moment, neither of us spoke. I kept moistening my lips, trying to find a way to start the conversation, but nothing sounded right in my head. I eventually decided that I should start by apologizing.

I inhaled, planning to do so, but he chose that moment to speak up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. My mouth popped shut, giving him clear field.

Still looking down, he cleared his throat and resumed talking, a bit louder. "I'm sorry...for tonight. And for the previous nights... For the last few months in fact. I know I've been acting like an obnoxious dickhead."

I was stumped for a few seconds. That wasn't really what I had expected him to say. "Hum...it's okay..." I sputtered. "Obnoxious dickhead is a bit harsh," I added, chuckling quietly, "but, yes, you've been acting kinda weird lately."

He wiped his hands over his face and sighed into them. "The thing is," he began as he stood up and walked towards his window, "that I'm trying Dom. I really am... But I-... I can't..." his voice fell to a whisper again before fading into nothing.

I was watching his back, waiting for him to go on. I wasn't going to push him into talking to me but I had a feeling that he wanted to get it off his chest anyway.

"I just can't..." he tried again, "...stop _thinking_ about her." The word 'thinking' had been heavy with frustration. "No matter how hard I try...she's always in my head." He sighed again before turning around and thudding his back against the wall beside the window.

I frowned. "What about all the other girls? Don't they take your mind off her?"

He snorted. "No. Nothing does. Sometimes they make it even worse. I just spend the evening comparing them to her...and never to their advantage."

I scratched my neck a little bit puzzled by his answers. Usually, when I was in a bedroom with a chick I wasn't thinking about another one...when I was thinking at all. "And...do you know why?" I asked him. He looked at me without understanding, so I elaborated my question. "Why you can't stop thinking about her?"

He opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out of it. He didn't need to speak though, because while he struggled to find the right words, his eyes told me everything I wanted to know. They were full with such a powerful emotion that you'd have to be blind to miss it.

It was the same overwhelming look that he'd worn back in the basement, nineteen months ago. It wasn't as bare and raw as it had been at the time, when his heart had been torn out and reachable for anyone to read, but it was just as strong. Maybe even stronger. It had been smoldering for so long, it had gotten all the time in the world to force its way in every part of him, spreading deep into him.

And that was the reason why no other woman was good enough in his eyes. '_Hope deferred makes the heart sick._'

"Oh crap..." I moaned, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I'm sorry Dom," Matt almost pleaded, pushing himself off the wall and moving closer to the bed again. "I've tried-... I've tried to steel my heart against her but I... It was already too late. I wish I knew how to quit her, believe me, I do. My life would be simpler."

"Yeah..." I sighed before looking up at him. His eyes were holding a strange imploring emotion, matching his previous tone, as if he wanted me to forgive him something.

"But...remember with Audrey... She'd wrecked you," I said. "And you managed to get over it."

Matt shook his head, a disgusted expression on his face, and sat down cross-legged on the bed. "Don't bring that bitch into this. It's not comparable. Audrey left me. Whereas Jade...I've never even been with her!" he'd flopped backwards while he'd been talking and was now lying over the covers. "And to be honest... Jade was partly the reason why I finally managed to get over it."

I watched him stare at the void overhead for a little while, watched the flood of different emotions cross his face.

"What are you gonna do now?" I finally asked him.

He grabbed one of his pillows and held it tightly against his chest. "I don't know," he sighed. "What can I do anyway?" He darted a quick look at me, "you know, earlier...when you were watching the TV...I was texting her."

"Oh yeah?" I mumbled, turning my head away and facing the wall in front of him. I could feel my cheeks getting hot because of the shame.

"Yeah... I don't know, I was trying to make her see... But I don't have the right to do that. I promised her I'd leave her alone."

"I know, I was there," I muttered absent-mindedly.

"I suppose we'll act as if nothing has happened," he said on a sad tone. "As always," he added.

That made me frown again. "As always?" I asked as I turned to him. "What do you mean? Do you guys do that often?"

"Well, in a way, yes. Though I'm not that straightforward usually." A strong disquiet broke his features suddenly, "Shit, I hope she's not gonna be mad at me," he worried.

"Of course not," I said quickly, trying to reassure him. "But why tonight, Matt? Why being forthright tonight?" I wondered.

"I don't know!" he exclaimed, burying his face in the pillow. His muffled voice rose from beneath it. "Just...overdose I guess."

My teeth were worrying at my bottom lip, as I was at loss for words again, when I heard him whimper. I glanced back at him and saw him free his face from the pillow and roll onto his side. He lay in a foetal position, curled up as if to protect his belly. My stomach fluttered with alarm, he almost looked like he was in pain.

I laid my hand on his arm, "Matt?"

"She's driving me crazy Dom," he moaned. "You don't know what it's like... She's always the last coherent thought to leave my mind before I fall asleep and always the first one to bloom when I wake up. And she's haunting most of my dreams too... It's even getting hard to find solace in the music now... I just can't bloody _live_ without her..." he almost cried.

That's when it hit me.

When he poured his heart out to me, when I saw what the situation was really doing to him. It was killing him by inches, slowly but surely. It hit me that I had to do something. Or else I was going to watch him pine away.

"It's gonna be okay, Matt," I whispered as I squeezed his arm, "it's gonna be okay."

He gulped and nodded weakly, I guess he couldn't really talk right now.

It was going to be okay, because I was going to make it okay. I didn't know how yet, but I knew I would. Because I had to do something.

I _had_ to do _something_.

* * *

**Well, I'm glad to be done with the sad part. At least for now...**

title: 'In Your World' + 'Endlessly'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez**.


	43. Dance of the Hours

Thanks to Anon, beep and nawty. pirate for the reviews :)******  
**

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (1) Dance of the Hours**

TWO MONTHS LATER.

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

I couldn't exactly remember how I'd ended up lying in that position. When your mind's wandering miles away from your carnal envelope, it doesn't always check what bizarre movements your limbs can produce. And sometimes you jerk back to reality to find yourself awkwardly sitting upside down on your couch. Just like I was now.

I had been gazing at the electric clock on the coffee table and I hadn't even realised that the numbers were reversed. My brain had automatically put them back in the right way. Amazing what the human subconscious facilities could do...

But differentiating a 2 from a 5 had been more tricky. And when my mind suddenly had had difficulty reading the time, a thing that _shouldn't_ have been difficult, the queerness of my environment had suddenly transpired and I had realised that I wasn't really in the best position to read the clock properly.

And now I was frowning. What time was it, really? 10:02 am? or 10:20 am maybe... Growing tired of having to guess, I twisted my body on the couch, in order to look at the clock in the right way.

10:50 am.

Almost eleven... He wasn't going to come. Dom had been wrong.

I sighed as I scrabbled to my feet and then started roving in the living-room. That was how I had previously ended up on the couch, it had been the finale of my last 'roaming about' session.

I was traipsing without purpose, waiting. I sighed again. Waiting, waiting and waiting.

And to think that I had hurried up earlier, afraid of not being ready soon enough...

Suddenly I heard some noises coming from the stairwell and I froze on the spot, listening hard with bated breath. The suspense had my heart fluttering with expectancy. But a door clacked shut. It was just someone in the building leaving their apartment. Not him climbing up the stairs.

I let my breath out in a huff. Another false alarm. All that waiting had made me so bloody edgy!

I resumed my walking around, unable to stay put for long. I passed successively in front the bookcase, the TV, the turned-off floor lamp, the fan... God, the fan. I stopped dead before it, letting my skin bath in the refreshing breeze that it blew.

It wasn't even summer yet, at least not officially, but the temperatures were reaching heat records in London. I'd even heard that melting tar puddles had begun to form in the most sun-exposed streets.

Deciding that being in the blowing line of the fan was something worth settling down for, I sat on the dining table with my bare feet resting on a chair, just a couple of metres away from the appliance, and closed my eyes. Once I felt a bit cooled down, I opened them again and my gaze wandered over the wall in front of me until it lingered on the calendar- displaying June's page- that was placed on the top shelf of the bookcase. And naturally my eyes were drawn by the one square that had been marked with a little red cross. The square which happened to represent the current date.

Friday 9. Bl. Diana. X

Yes, 9th of June, blessed Diana d'Andalo's feast day but more importantly...Matt's birthday.

Thinking about Matt reminded me of the absurd present situation I'd been put in. Forced to wait for someone who had absolutely no reason to come here.

Playing the Distraction sucked. Especially when there was no one here to distract...

I remembered perfectly when Dom had 'entrusted' me with my task, a week ago.

~ _~ ~ Dom had us gathered around the dining table in our apartment. Everyone was here but Matt, Tom and Jack. Jack because he was staying late at his school this evening, and Tom because he had to 'guard' Matt, according to Dom._

_"Come on, can we begin already?" Chris asked, standing behind me._

_Dom rubbed his hands together, quickly sweeping his eyes over every person in the room, looking pleased. "Okay, now that everyone's here we can begin the meeting."_

_"Taking his organizer's role a bit too seriously if you ask me," I heard Lise whisper in my brother's ear beside me._

_Clearly undisturbed by the remark, Dom stood and began to expose his plan to us with almost a solemn tone of voice. "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to help me arrange the best 20th birthday party London will ever know."_

_"Yes, we know that," Charlenne cut his speech off impatiently, "that's why we're here. What's my role?" she asked, eyes sparkling._

_Dom's face slightly scrunched in annoyance at the __interruption_. "I was coming to that. You, Charlenne, shall be supervising the flat's decoration-"

_"YES! Thanks!" Charlenne exclaimed, delighted. "Hum, sorry... Please go on," she added when she took in the exasperated look on Dom's face._

_"As I was _saying_," Dom resumed, "Charlenne, you'll be organizing the flat's decoration and Emily will second you." He paused to cast a look at Em', waiting for her agreement which was given by a nod. "Chris, Tom and I will see to the delivery of the gift in due form," Dom went on, "we'll also make sure that it's in impeccable shape. I'm afraid we'll have to spend most of the day at the garage."_

_"Any news on that part, by the way?" Chris asked._

_Dom nodded. "Yes, it looks good. I've been given the confirmation that they'll receive it before Friday."_

_Chris looked satisfied and Dom turned to my twin and his girlfriend. "Alex, Lise, you two will go to the department store and you'll buy the drinks and food. I'm afraid we won't have enough space in the fridge to store everything. That's why you'll have to buy all this the very same day. Your basement should be cool enough to keep it fresh until the party begins... Don't worry I'll give you the money we've gathered for it on Thursday."_

_Dom scratched his chin, looking like he was going through everything he'd just said again. "And... Well, Kathy will arrive at the station around 7 pm so she won't be any help for the preparations... Chris, don't forget to go and collect her at the station by the way..."_

_Chris chuckled, "don't worry, I won't forget."_

_"Okay. So... There's Jack left but I think he's got his big presentation the same day at LSOE, the one he's working on right now if I'm not mistaken," Dom said cocking an eyebrow at me._

_"Yes," I simply upheld._

_He smiled. "Jack's not gonna be able to help either then. Okay... Well, I guess that's it!"_

_And people all around the table started to stand in a general chit chat and chair-screeching noises. I cast surprised looks around me, without understanding._

_"Hey! But...what about me?" I protested._

_Dom was the only one who seemed to have heard me, the rest kept on scattering around the room, but he was looking at me with a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth._

_"Oh, yes, Jade... Don't worry I haven't forgotten you. On the contrary, you have what may very well be the most important role."_

_"Really?" I marvelled as I stood up and came to lean against the table, closer to him. "And what would that be?"_

_"You'd be..." he made a suspenseful pause, "the distraction."_

_My brows knit together, not tracking what he was talking about. "Excuse-me, the what?"_

_"The distraction," he repeated. Seeing that I still wasn't getting it, he explained. "You'll spend the day with him, ensuring that he doesn't have a clue about the party. You'll also make sure that he's in the place we want at the time we want, so that the preparations can be done without...any incident." Then he smiled at me and was ready to leave, making the assumption that I was okay with this._

_"Hey, wait a sec!" I stopped him, "why do I have to be the one to babysit him?" I wasn't really sure why, but I didn't like this idea at all._

_He half rolled his eyes but was still smiling. "Come on, it's the best part! You won't have to do anything but have a good time with him. We'll take care of the rest."_

_"Have a good time?" I wavered, hating the fact that I couldn't help myself from blushing._

_His smile was growing ever wide. "Well, yeah. And besides, you're the only one who can do the job."_

_"What? What job? Why? What are you talking about?" And why did I suddenly want to punch his smirk to the back of his head?_

_"Take his mind off things for an entire day," he calmly replied. "You're the only one who can do it."_

_"That's not true," I dissented. "You would be able to do it too!"  
_

_"Perhaps... Probably not as thoroughly as you, but perhaps. Nevertheless I have to spend the day at the garage. We could switch roles but...I don't think you'd like to waste hours between engines and batteries. Or would you?" he said as his eyes bored straight into mine._

_He'd made it sound like he'd been talking about ogres and monsters instead of car mechanics. "Hum...no."_

_"That's what I thought," he concluded as he gave me a little tap on the shoulder. "It's settled then." He skirted around me but after three or four steps he turned to look at me again. "Oh, and something else: you'll have to make the cake too," he told me with a wink._ ~ ~ ~

And he'd left me there, planted on the spot. What choice had I had but to accept? It was true that the plan couldn't pan out with confidence if no one was keeping an eye on Matt's whereabouts. When let loose, Matt's maverick nature made him as unpredictable as a free electron... He _had_ to be contained and guided. Or else we were taking the risk of having him stumbling on his gift or a half-prepped flat at any time.

Dom had told me I'd just have to follow the rails he'd mapped out for me. He'd said that he would see to it that Matt would come to our flat around 10 am. He hadn't specified how he would make that happen without rending Matt suspicious, he'd just asserted that the idea would naturally form in Matt's mind.

Well, it was now... I checked the time on my phone's screen. It was now five past eleven and Matt still wasn't here. Dom was far too confident in his supposedly complete and entire understanding of Matt's thought's patterns if you asked me.

I shook my head and decided to inform Dom of his mistake.

*He's not coming. Looks like you were wrong. Do you have a plan B?*

While I waited for an answer I got off the table and neared the bookcase. I flapped the calendar face down on the shelf. In case Matt _did_ come, I had to get rid of all these little clues which could lead him to think that we _hadn't_ forgotten about his birthday, quite the opposite.

My phone chirped in my hand and I checked the new message.

*Who's this? What are you talking about?*

I was a bit quizzical at first, but then I understood what this was about and rolled my eyes.

*Echo to SpiderDom. MarmiteHater is NOT here.* was what I sent back.

That had been another one of Dom's whims concerning this whole 'operation'. Code names. It was making all this sound like some kind of Mission Impossible zany parody. And what was the point in using 'SpiderDom' as a code name? It wasn't much of a _code_ since it was his 'official' nickname...just like 'Bells' for Matt would've been lame. At least 'MarmiteHater' was funny. One of Chris' inventions... Sorry, one of _Popeye_'s inventions.

Because I had been a bit short on ideas concerning my code name, Dom had chosen 'Echo' for me. Because: 'Echo is the goddess of distraction.' I hadn't told him that Echo was also the deity of misdirection and incessant jabbering... He'd looked pleased about his little brainwave, I hadn't wanted to spoil it.

*SpiderDom to Echo. MarmiteHater is just late. He WILL come. Just give him some time. Keep me informed.*

"Sir, yes, sir..." I scoffed under my breath.

Standing on my two feet had me pacing around like a caged lion again before long.

It was a good thing Jack hadn't attended the meeting. I wasn't sure he would have liked the idea of my spending an entire day at Matt's side that much. Not that I was so comfortable with it either... Matt had sort of withdrawn into a shell during these last few weeks. We hadn't been talking to each other a lot. I was hoping that the atmosphere between the two of us wouldn't be too tense. Or else it would be...awkward.

"It's so hot in here..." I suddenly heard myself hum. Message from my subconscious? It felt like the skin covered by my hair was about to melt.

I migrated to the bathroom, sensing that I had to do something about my hair quickly, do it up or something, before I'd snap and savagely cut it short. I posted myself in front of the mirror and began to braid it into a loose side plait. Once I was done, I secured the end with an elastic hair band.

And then I was leaning against the sink cabinet, staring at my reflection, with nothing to do again.

Christ...how much I hated waiting.

Filled-up with renewed annoyance, I pushed myself away from the cabinet and stormed out of the bathroom, switching the lights off on my way out with a flip of my hand. But just when I exited the room, I bumped into something that shouldn't have been standing there.

I bumped into it hard enough to gasp, lose my balance and sway backwards. But before I could fall flat on my face though, the 'thing' got hold of me, grabbing at my shoulders, and stabilized me.

The first thing I noticed was the black. Black pants in fact. Then the bright yellow t-shirt, and then- as my gaze kept shifting upwards- I found myself staring back at the bluest eyes on Earth.

Huh... Looked like SpiderDom had been right in the end.

* * *

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Dance of the Hours' - Amilcare Ponchielli

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by **Cranberriez**.


	44. Will you slam shut or free your mind?

Hi, guys! I know it's been a long time, sorry to come back with such a short chapter.

Merry Christmas everyone!

And thanks to devonianmuser for the review :)

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (2) Will you slam shut or free your mind?**

For a couple of seconds I just stared at him dumbly, my lips parted, my eyes opened wide. And Matt looked exactly like I felt. Surely our facial expressions were mirroring each other. The closest description that I could give of us is that we both ressembled stupefied goldfish, flabbergasted by whatever amazing thing we'd just glimpsed across our aquarium's glass.

I blinked, twice, and eventually recovered my tongue before he did. "M-Matt? What are you doing here?" The stammer hadn't really been volontary but it came in handy. After all, I wasn't supposed to look like I'd been expecting him. But the surprise in my voice hadn't been faked. I mean, I'd been waiting for him to ring the doorbell or knock, not to sneak up on me like a stealthy ninja...

I frowned. "How did you get in?" Had Dom given him a set of keys or something?

My speaking snapped him out of his staring-state and his eyes darted away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized.

My heart slightly twinged at hearing that. He wouldn't look at me in the eye and his emotions were closed to me. Where was the cocky, confident Matt I'd been used to? The one whose magnetic gaze would have taken my breath away and who would have flashed a sexy smirk instead of apologizing? This Matt seemed so distant and cold...

Before I could say anything he kept going. "I didn't know you were here, sorry again. I'll leave." And he spun around, heading into the living room and toward the front door.

Stunned by his abruptness, I stayed speechless again for an instant. He couldn't leave! He was supposed to stay in here with me!

I roused myself and trotted up to his side to try to slow him down. "Matt, wait! You don't need to leave because I'm here... I mean, I don't even know why you're here." If only Dom had put me in the picture better! I felt helpless and had absolutely no idea how I could convince Matt to stay.

I tried to search his face but he was still avoiding my gaze. "It's kind of a long story," he whispered without stopping.

"I'm sure I can handle it," I told him while I kept matching his step.

He didn't anwser. Instead he bent over and grabbed the strap of his guitar case which had been leaning against a wall in the lobby and that I hadn't even noticed until this moment. He hefted it onto his shoulder, opened the door, and was ready to leave.

Desperate times, desperate measures. Before he could take a single step out I threw myself against the door, slamming it shut. I turned around and leaned back against it while at the same time I placed both my hands on his chest, pushing just a tiny bit, to maintain some distance between him and the exit.

He sighed again. "Jade... What are you doing?"

I so wanted to cup his cheeks and force him to look at me. I was tired of him being so evasive. I wanted to know why he'd been avoiding me this last few weeks. Why he was avoiding me now. But I didn't want to scare him away either.

"What are _you_ doing?" I replied, "Why are you slipping away like a thief? Tell me what's going on," I asked him, trying to keep a smooth voice.

He drew away, breaking the contact with my hands and I noticed a hint of annoyance piercing through his features. "_Nothing_'s going on," he argued. He sighed and rubbed his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand. Then he chose to explain a bit nonetheless. "It's just that we were supposed to work on a few pieces today- there's a couple of b-sides that need some shaping- but this morning Dom and Chris suddenly weren't up for it anymore. They didn't even have good reasons, they were just feeling like chilling out instead of going to the studio because, I quote, 'it's a beautiful day'."

While he'd been talking he'd moved into the living room again, pacing around agitatedly, the exasperation growing stronger in his voice with each word. "When I realised that I wouldn't be able to drag their lazy arses up to the studio, I said: 'okay, I'll go on my own, I'll concoct some new stuff', but _then_...then Dom told me that the studio was inaccessible for a few days because of some maintenance works! I mean, can you believe it? That no one saw fit to inform me of this before? !"

I was about to utter something like 'yeah, you're right, it's not normal,' but he didn't give me enough time. He was so worked up that I couldn't get a single word in.

"So I called Tom to dig out some information, and he bore out what Dom had said, that the studio would be closed until next tuesday. Seriously, what kind of manager waits for you to ask before telling you that the fucking studio's closed!... But, undaunted, I decided to stay in the apartment and try to get something out of my Taylor there. BUT..."

He stopped walking and let out an ironic sneer, "it's gets better and better really... See, I _can't_ stay in my own flat to play music because Lise has an exam coming up next week and she can't study at her university library 'cause it got flooded a few days ago!"

He sighed heavily and plonked himself on a chair around the dining table, his guitar case dangling at his side, a look of utter aggravation on his face.

Wow.

Dom and the others had done a _really_ good job. Indeed, the idea of coming here had formed of its own motion in Matt's mind, only because every other possibility had been blocked out.

"I can't bloody believe this is happening," Matt grumbled. "I mean, today of all days..."

I understood then that something else was bothering him, something that he hadn't clearly mentionned: the fact that it was his birthday today...and it seemed that everyone had forgotten about it. That had been another rule of Dom's, no happy birthday wishing before the party.

I came over to sit on the chair next to this bundle of nerves. He was lost to his thoughts and ghostly shadows of irritation were shifting his face now and then.

"So... You decided to come and play here," I said, stating the obvious.

He straightened on the chair and exhaled. His eyebrows were twitched slightly upwards, giving him a resigned look. "Yes. I asked Dom for his key before he went out with Chris. But I thought the flat was empty. Now I can't stay, because you're here and I'll disturb you if I play here."

Once more he was making suppositions, without giving me any chance to have a say in the matter. He started to stand up but I placed my hand on his shoulder and pushed him back onto his seat.

"Stay."

He looked at me at last, frowing in puzzlement. There was still some remnants of annoyance in his eyes and the fact that he was finally looking straight at me was a bit destabilizing. I'd been waiting for him to make eye-contact all this time, but now that he was, I was the one whose gaze shited downwards.

"I- I mean... You don't have to go. You won't disturb me. I don't have any exams, I've been on holidays since last Friday."

I looked at him through my lashes and saw that he was still gazing upon me. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice wavering, "I'm gonna make...noise."

I chuckled, "it's not noise, it's music."

For the first time today, I saw him smile. A small smile maybe but it was still a smile. "Believe me, when I'm groping around for some new tune, it sounds more like noise than music."

I smiled back. "It's okay, really. On the contrary, I wouldn't mind a little company. I sort of felt lonely before you came in, actually."

'_Lonely and impatient._'

Matt smirked. "Well, that's what happens when you're the only lazybone on holidays and all the others are still drudging their arse off."

There it was. Teasing Matt back on track. Normally it would have irritated me slightly, but right now I was glad that he'd quitted being so stand-offish and the only thing I felt was mirth.

"Lazybone?" I laughed. "Look who's talking!" I knew it was unjust, the mere fact that he was in my apartment right now proved how much Matt was dedicated to his music. "I started school in September ahead of everybody. It's only fair that I finish earlier," I added, feeling like it was a more valid argument.

"Good point," he admitted. "So you're definite about having me here? You won't kick me out in half an hour shouting 'go make somebody else's ears bleed'?"

"I won't, I swear," I answered while rising my right hand. I couldn't contain my smile.

"Okay... Thanks."

'_Hello! I never noticed his irises were so iridescent before..._'

I frowned, upset by my own thoughts. Alright, the tension had lessen and it was all good. However that was no reason to fantasize over Matt's eyes again.

I got to my feet, giving him some space.

He looked up at me hesitantly. "Can I use the dining table?"

"Sure," I nodded. I couldn't explain why my heart was beating harder right now, but I knew it meant that it would soon pump a warm blush up to my cheeks. I wore away while he settled himself.

Now I had to find something to do in order to occupy my time. Something shallow enough so that Matt wouldn't feel like he was disturbing. Something girly and trivial.

I headed for the bathroom to find some inspiration and texted Dom along the way.

*He's here* I simply sent. I just couldn't be arsed with the codenames right now.

Dom seemed to have forgotten about it anyway, momentarily at least. *Good! I told you he was going to come.*

I was opening the cabinet's drawers in the bathroom while I tapped my answer. *Yes, but you could have filled me in better!*

*I'm sure not knowing helped you play your part better. Anyway, tell me when you leave the flat. Till then.*

I stuffed my phone back in my jeans pocket and examined the content of the drawer I'd just opened.

Bingo! Nail polish. I couldn't have found better. I took the little basket with me and left the room.

When Matt came in sight again I stopped at the threshold of the living room for a few seconds to look at him. He was bending over his guitar, zoned out into his own little world. I took a moment to acknowledge how very happy it made me...just to be in here with him.

* * *

**I've just realised it's a bit stupid... I suppose that everywhere Matt has lived, there always was an electrical piano somewhere... One he could have used with headphones on... Hum, well, let's just say that Matt absolutely wanted to use an acoustic guitar ^^**

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Exo-Politics'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	45. I'll get to you somehow

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (3) I'll get to you somehow.**

With an effort, I tore myself away from my little daze and returned to reality.

I decided that I would settle near a window in order not to incommode him with the strong chimical smell. I moved around the dining table and couldn't help peeking at Matt when I walked past him. He was now rummaging through some sheets and stacks of paper he'd displayed on the table, while his guitar rested on his lap.

Pricked by curiosity, I took a longer look. I had rarely seen Matt work with music scores, neither seen him read them nor write them. When I leaned closer I realised that these weren't music sheets. They were just...sheets. Strewed with doodles and random sentences. Some were a little bit more fixed, organized in small paragraphs. Lyrics maybe?

Matt suddenly seemed to notice that I had been standing next to him for some time and his gaze glided up toward my face. Before his eyes could met mine though, I quickly looked away and resumed walking towards the window. Damn, it felt like I wasn't able to stay near him without blushing at least once every five minutes.

I laid the little basket which contained all that was needed to give oneself a complete manicure- nail files, base coats, top coats...most of it belonged to Charlenne- on the coffee table and I turned round to sit on an armchair which was facing opposite from the window. That way I would be able to see the room in its entirety.

The sound of paper rustling had resumed but I could still feel the weight of Matt's gaze on me and I didn't dare glance up. Instead, I took all the little bottles that were in the basket one by one and lined them up on the table. What you wouldn't do to pass the time...

I started reading the instructions on the back of a couple of them, I didn't want to end up making toxic mixings. Even if I had some difficulty staying focused on such a tedious task, I finally decided wich one I would be applying first.

Just when I gave the last brushstroke of base coat to my little finger's nail, a single note timidly resonated in the air. I couldn't help peeking up this time.

Matt was lolling back in the chair he was sitting on and he'd streched his legs out on the chair next to him. He seemed thoroughly relaxed. The body of his Taylor was lying half on his belly, half on his thighs and his right hand was still lingering over the string he'd just plucked lightly. The note he'd played had been an A if my hearing was correct.

Matt listened carefully until the note died, then he moved his left hand to the head of the guitar and very gently rotated one of the turning keys. He pulled on the string one more time and it rang again, the sound subtly clearer and truer than before.

His left hand skimmed the warm-colored wood from the tip of the guitar's head to the first fretboard on the neck. He then played every note of an octave-repeating scale, starting with the low notes near the head and finishing with the hightest ones closer to the sound hole.

Apparently satisfied with the tuning of his instrument, Matt shifted on his seat, trying to get as comfortable as he could. His right hand laid his plectrum on the table, he probably was aiming for a softer sound without it, and the fingers of his left one gently settled on the strings.

And he started playing, giving birth to a sensual and soulful melody.

_Tsk_, Noise. Pull the other one! This wasn't noise, this was definitely music.

I watched him, fascinated, as his fingers lithely danced on the frets, sliding along the strings with a tiny swish that was anything but annoying.

The music wasn't really smooth, but it was sultry and rousing, clearly inspired by Spanish tones though sometimes it sounded more tzigane than latin. I could totally imagine a flamenco dancer swirl to this, albeit the rhythm of the song was maybe just a bit too slow for that.

In short, it was bewitching and amazing and Matt played with an ease and fluency that touched mastership.

He'd captured me. I was staring at him shamelessly, at his guitar, at his hands, at his face. A tickling warmth began to build in the pit of my stomach, spreading like wildfire into the rest of my body. I couldn't really comprehend its meaning, even though I felt the craving underneath. My breathing was still relatively slow, but it'd grown deeper, as if my system needed more oxygen than it usually did all of a sudden.

The song wound to a close, ending on three quiet notes which vibrated in the guitar's chamber for quite a long time. The sudden silence left me grieving over the melody that was still resonating in my ears.

I noticed Matt's breathing had become heavier too. His lips had parted and he was still looking down at his guitar, but not for long. Because as he closed his mouth, his eyes suddenly locked upon mine and he gave that _look_. God, that look... So intense that couldn't bring myself to look away just yet.

My eyes remained on him and I had a feeling that his gaze had traveled straight to my core, as if he knew my very thoughts right now. I felt as clear a cristal. A little bit _too_ clear...

My fingers twitched and I eventually managed to wrench my eyes away from his, protecting myself from these too inquisitive saphires.

Why did it always have to be like that between us? Always so ambiguous and tense... The fact that we were alone was making me feel even more exposed and vulnerable. Perhaps this hadn't been a good idea, perhaps I shouldn't be the one sitting here in this room right now. I'd spent not even an hour in his presence and I was already flushed and unsettled. And he had done nothing more than playing and looking at me.

It annoyed me to have so little control over my own body's reactions. Matt always had had a way to grasp the smooth, placid ocean that was my mind and turn it into a fiery hurricane.

'_Get a grip girl, for Christ's sake!_'

I kept my eyes fixed on all the little nail polish bottles in front of me, staring past them and into the void. I would take this as a test. As an opportunity to toughen up against him. I had to prove to myself that I could immunise myself against him, against what he was rousing inside me. I _needed_ it.

I didn't want to hurt him though, not even a notch. Especially not today... I just wanted us to have _normal_ friendly relationship! Was it too much to ask? Normality? I had try to do my best. I couldn't just be myself when I was around him. Being myself wouldn't be enough, I had to be better than that.

Determined to do everything possible to make it work that way, amiable but no more, I took a deep breath and tried to relax in my seat.

Matthew resumed strumming on his guitar and this time I kept to myself, I didn't want to open another awkward-moment's door.

I reached forward and seized a flacon. It was only once it was in my hand that I realised I'd picked up a glossy pine green. Oh well, a little eccentricity wouldn't kill me.

While I was pulling the brush across my nails, part of me couldn't help feeling self-conscious. Matt was creating beauty out of thin air only a few metres away from me, and I was daubing my nails like a little girl.

I realised that Matt's first playing had probably only been a warm-up. It had just been a song to get into the swing of things. His music now wasn't as fluid as before. He was trying on some chords, stopping, starting again slighly differently, and eventually slowly building something new.

Time passed in that fashion for a while, until my hands were perfectly manicured, the nailpolish long dry. I was zoning out, my butt glued on the armchair, half-listening to Matt's guitar in the background, half-lost in my own thoughs, which were keeping my mind quite busy. I didn't know why, but I felt like I was forgetting something... I remembered I had to do something. But what was it again?

Once I was completely sure that my nails wouldn't smear anything, I picked up my phone, to check the time. 1 pm. Already? Well, time really had flied...

Then I remembered. The cake!

* * *

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Michelle' - The Beatles

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	46. It's plain to see, it's trying to speak

Happy new year dear Musers! :)

You can tell I was hungry when I wrote this chapter... I have a thing for eggs ^^ Sorry if the chapter feels a bit rushed too, I wrote it quickly today. Even the songs in it are scrolling too fast -_-

Anyways, thanks to museismymuse for the review!

Here are a list of links leading to all the songs in the chapter, in order (I'm not going to insult you by giving you one for Megalomania...)

¤ **Kashmir** - Led Zeppelin: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=sfR_HWMzgyc  
¤ **Allegro** - Mozart: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=B1DOvP7O6BE  
¤ **Going Away to College** - Blink 182: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=CM0D3mvmyRM  
¤ **I Love Rock and Roll** - Joan Jett: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=pXT-MZRNCho  
¤ **Ain't No Sunshine** - Bill Withers: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=HBKcAc8VpIw  
¤ **Wicked Game** - Chris Isaak: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=UAOxCqSxRD0  
¤ **Sweet Disposition** - The Temper Trap: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=jxKjOOR9sPU&ob=av2e (Funny... that's my second most listened song in my iPod. Right after Hysteria.)  
¤ **You and I** - Lady Gaga: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=jAliPG4kKNI  
¤ **Fuckin' in the Bushes** - Oasis: http:/www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube[DELETE THE BRACKETS].com/watch?v=8hojDnWRKrw

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (4) It's plain to see, it's trying to speak.**

Of course, the cake... Making a cake in front of Matt. Out of the blue. It wouldn't seem suspicious at all now, would it?

I wasn't really into a cooking mood right now, but I didn't really have a choice. I'd asked Alex to buy another cake though...just in case, to have some back up.

With a resigned sigh, I begrudgingly extricated myself from my snug seat and headed toward the kitchen. I rounded the kitchen's counter and washed my hands in the sink. Then I started to gather all the instruments and ingredients that I'd need on the worktop, trying to stay as quiet as I could. But as I rummaged in cupboards and in the fridge, I couldn't avoid making a little noise.

I didn't need a recipe book, so I got to work right away.

I noticed that, while I carried on my little task, Matt's playing progressively became less and less focused. And at one point, it stopped altogether.

I forced myself to keep my eyes down on the chocolate tablets I was breaking in little pieces in a bowl, especially when- after a minute of silence- I heard him scrape his chair back and draw nearer.

He perched himself on a high stool on the other side of the counter and leaned on his elbows, his chin resting in his hands. My eyes glimpsed up at him on their own accord. I had been afraid that his were still holding that same burning, to-die-for look than earlier but I was amazed to see that they were _completely_ different than before.

Instead of having an irresistible Don Juan in front me, I was facing a curious, bright eyed little boy. The change was so great that I stayed stiff with surprise.

"What are you doing?" he asked me in a tone that matched his appearance.

How did he _do_ that? Did he suffer from a multiple personality disorder or something like that? He was the moodiest person I knew, one moment sulking, the next moment flirting...and then just acting as if nothing ever happened.

This Matt looked incredibly sweet and touching. He easily beat kittens and baby bunnies in cuteness category. There was something innocent and infantile about him that made me want to protect him.

'_What? Matt, innocent? You're having a laugh..._'

But that's what it felt like, when I gazed into his big baby blue eyes... Maybe that was it. That was the true nature of my feelings for him, some motherly protectiveness.

But I remembered the sharp need I'd felt in my insides when Matt had first started playing. Who was I kidding? There was nothing motherly about _that_...

'_And who's got a multiple personality disorder now?_'

Something flitted in front of my eyes and I jerked back to the present moment. It had been Matthew's hand actually. He had probably decided to wave it in front of my face when he'd noticed my eyes had glazed over.

"Hello?" he softly chuckled while placing his hand back under his chin. "Still on this planet?"

I breathed in and shook my head a little, in order to marshal my thoughts. "Er... I'm making a cake."

His head rose up a tiny bit, losing the support of his hands. "Really? What's the occasion?" He'd tried to put aloof disinterest in his voice, but the hopeful glint in his eyes gave him away.

I shrugged. "Oh you know... I just lost a bet against Dom last week and the price was a cake. It's as simple as that. It could have been worse really..." I eyed him sideways as I finished my sentence.

His shoulders dropped an inch with disappointment and he'd poked out his lower lip a bit. "Yeah, I think Dom mentioned it..."

'_Yep, Matt. We _did_ think of every detail._'

Poor thing... I wanted to cuddle away his pout, and reassure him that we hadn't forgotten. How could we ever have forgotten? But it was all part of the plan and I held my tongue.

He watched me bustle about for a few minutes before offering me his help.

Puzzled, I tilted my head slightly to one side as I studied him. "Do you have any experience with pastry?" I asked, surprised.

"Why wouldn't I?" he replied in a rather nettled tone.

"I dunno. No offence but this cake isn't really an Italian cuisine's speciality..."

"And? Last I checked I was still British, not Italian."

I flashed a small smile. For once that I was the one teasing... "Don't be vexed. I've just never seen you cook anything else than pasta."

He frowned, and sat up straight, slung to the quick. "I still know how to break an egg!"

I was fully smirking at him now. I seized the bowl where lay all the eggs with one hand, and another empty bowl with the other. Then, I pushed both of them in his direction, making them slide against the worktop. "Be my guest!"

Matt hopped down the stool he'd been seating on and went around the counter. He took the bowl with the eggs with him and put it in the sink behind me. I cast a glance over my shoulder and saw him wash his hands like I had before, and then rinse the eggs one by one.

"...Twelve, thirteen... Fifteen? !" he exclaimed, clearly doubtful. "Fifteen eggs? Are you planning on feeding the whole building?"

Oops. That we hadn't forseen... "Well...with Kathy arriving tonight we'll be eleven... I think it's frustrating sometimes to spend a lot of precious time preparing a cake only to end up having a just a small piece of it."

Matt turned round and laid the bowl on the counter. He stood next to me and laughed quietly. "Fair enough. With this we'll have enough cake to resist a siege!"

Phew. Looked like he'd bought it.

I kept working on my chocolate but couldn't help supervising what he was doing in the corner of my eye. He seized one egg and brought the empty bowl toward him but suddenly he hesitated.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Mmh..." was the only answer I received.

I watched him, intrigued, as he skirted around the counter once again and explained. "We need a little musical background for that..."

He went to pick up the iPod dock that stood on a shelf on the other side of the room and carried it to the dining table, as close to the kitchen as the power cable would allow. My iPod was plugged into it.

"Can I...?" he trailed off as he pointed at the little device.

I nodded. If my memory served me correctly, the last time I'd been using it, it had been on the 'All Songs' menu. And on shuffle mode. What I had forgotten thought, was that the last song I had been listening to had been Megalomania.

The organ tune balwed out of the speaker, accompanied by Matt's incredible harmonies. The singer in question glanced back at me and raised an eyebrow, amusement and smugness all over his face. Of course I blushed in return and just smiled back.

However Matt changed the song. I almost told him off. Megalomania was _not_ a song that could be cut short!

He zapped between the songs, never letting them play more than a few seconds, until he stumbled upon 'Kashmir' by Led Zeppelin.

"Now _that's_ a song which makes me want to walk around in slow motion, wearing kickass sunglasses!" Matt said approvingly as he began to headbang slightly.

I chortled at the thought. It _was_ quite a good description of the song in fact.

But he started to switch songs again. And to my astonishment he eventually settled...on Mozart's 'Allegro'.

"Don't you like it?" Matt inquired when he took in my expression.

"Er... No, I like it. It wouldn't be in my iPod if I didn't. But really..."

"Really what?"

"Well...cooking with _that_ in the background... It just feels very... Hannibal Lecterish."

Matt frowned at first, smiling, then he burst out laughing. "Hannibal Lecterish? I hadn't thought about that," he giggled while he came back next to me, bringing the iPod dock's remote with him and placing it on the worktop. "At least we're not cutting meat... No, I think it feels more like a cooking TV show."

Matt took a step back and cleared his throat. "Hi everybody, I'm Matt and you're watching Cooking for Dummies," he announced with a posh voice, staring ahead, as if into a camera lens. He then wrapped his right arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. "And this is...Jocelyne, my assistant."

My heart explosed into a frantic series of aching beatings at the unexpected proximity, especially because I was only wearing a black tank top and the palm of his hand was directly in contact with my arm's skin. Skin that was beginning to crawl with gooseflesh.

But it hadn't turned me deaf for all that, and I had still heard what he'd said. "Jocelyne? !" I exclaimed, almost choking on the word.

He looked at me, faking surprise. "Yes. Is there a problem? All Chef's assistants are called Jocelyne."

"_Excuse_ me," I protested, playing the offended card. "I thought that _I_ was the Chef here, and _you_ were the assistant!"

He pondered it for a second, "Mmm... You may have a point here." He took a deep breath in and pulled a face that seemed to say 'okay, I'll sacrifice myself'. "Alright, let's reset that. Hi everyone, this is Jade," he indicated me with a wave of his hand, "you're watching Cooking for Dummies, and I'm Jocelyne, her assistant."

I burst out giggling. This was such a ridiculous notion...him being called Jocelyne.

He let go of me and leaned his hands on the counter. And, as you could have predicted, I felt both relieved and disappointed. "And... Chef Jade, what are we preparing today?"

I smiled and decided to play along. I cleared my throat as well and talked with the same mannered voice than him. "Well, Matt... Hum, sorry, _Jocelyne_... We are aiming for a... How can I say that... A Dark Chocolate Fondant with its Raspberry Sauce."

In the background, Mozart was replaced by 'Going away to college' by Blink 182. That was the kind of sharp contrast you could expect when you were using the shuffle mode...

"Sounds exquisitely ambrosial... but where are the raspberries?"

I pointed at a bag of berries I'd taken out of the deep-freezer a few minutes ago and that was placed on the worktop in front of him. "We'll use that."

I was about to let my hand swing back to my side but before I could finish the gesture Matt suddenly caught it, startling me.

You really needed a strong healthy constitution when you were around him...to resist all the extreme physiological changes he could trigger in your body every two minutes...

"Green?" he asked, sounding amused.

It took me a couple of seconds to realise that he'd been talking about my nails.

"Hum... Yeah. You don't like it?" I mumbled, blushing slightly.

He gave me a charming smile. "No, I like it. It's just-"

"Just what?" I cut him off, "Just so surprising coming from someone who's suppose to be 'so damn conventional'?"

Something flashed over his features when I quote him, too fast for me to decipher it. He replied after an instant of silence. "You're not conventional... Only classical, and not in every domains."

It was my turn to be stumped. I was stunned that he'd recalled the exact words I'd used. But then again, I remembered his, so why wouldn't he remember mine?

I stared at him, still surprised, and for once he was the one to shorten the moment.

"Hum, anyways," he spluttered as he released my hand. "So, er, yeah. The cake."

*I Love Rock and Roll, Joan Jett*

Matt smiled when the song began playing, and seemed to use it to regain some confidence. "Perfect. So! Dummies, here's your lesson number one: how to break an egg."

I chuckled under my breath and leaned against the counter, crossing my arms and watching him perform his little show.

"It's very easy. Step one: grasp the egg. I know: duh, no shit Sherlock, thank you Captain Obvious, blah blah blah. But you never know."

I suppressed a laugh. "Yeah, you never know. After all, there're Dummies," I seconded, defending him in front of our imaginary audience.

"Exactly," he gave me an exaggerated 'thank you' look. "So you grasp the egg, and hold it between your thumb and first two fingers," he kept going while he illustrated his words with his elegant hands. "Then, step two: tap the egg against an edge. Step three: insert both of your thumbs in the crack. Separate... And Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo, here's your egg!" he concluded as he swang the empty shell into the trash can.

"Woaaaw," I ironized as clapped my hands a couple of times.

He smirked an bowed a bit.

"Thank you, thank you. Now, that was for novices. If you've completely mastered this technique, you can try the one for more experienced people."

My brows drew together in puzzlement. Was there another way? I always did it like he'd just shown.

Matt picked up another egg and, holding it only with his right hand, he tapped its firm shell on the edge of the counter, quickly broke it open and dumped its content into the bowl before throwing it away. It must have taken him three seconds top, and he'd only used one hand to do it.

"Wow!" I exclaimed, honestly this time. "How did you do that?"

*Ain't No Sunshine, Bill Withers*

"Ah? Does Jocelyne know something that the Chef doesn't?" Matt asked as his lips curved into a impish smile.

"Show me again!" I demanded.

He did as I bade him, but it was so fast that I still couldn't see how he was doing it. Each time I just saw a flash, heard a crack, and there it was. Like he'd said: 'Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo', there it was!

"I give up, you definitely have magic fingers," I finally said before reaching for his hand. I held it with both my hands and delicately turned it into mine, examining it as if I was seeing it for the first time. I lightly stroked his palm with the tip of my fingers, enjoying the smooth, soft texture of his skin.

I shifted my eyes up to his face. He was looking down, staring at our hands and the faintest hint of red had crept into his cheeks. Feeling my gaze on him, he looked up at me with ingenuous eyes.

*Wicked Game, Chris Isaak*

As soon as I heard the first notes of the song, I literally pounced on the remote, nearly knocking it out of the counter in the process. I fumbled with the buttons until it changed songs.

*Sweet Disposition, The Temper Trap*

Better. Much, _much_ better.

I swallowed with some difficulty, grasped the last tablet of dark chocolate and undertook the task of breaking it into small pieces like the previous ones. I purposely kept my eyes down, feeling my skin getting so hot that I half expected the chocolate to melt.

I knew he was observing me, contrary to me he hadn't moved an inch.

Once I was done with the chocolate, I took the bowl I was using and turned round to place it into the microwave. And Matt eventually resumed breaking the eggs, without a word.

We worked in silence for some time. For a long time actually. Long enough for me to make the raspberry sauce from A to Z. Matt had finished his job ages ago, but he'd stayed near me.

The stony silence between us was finally broken when I dipped one finger in the melted mixture of chocolate and butter and licked it clean.

"You're so gourmand," Matt softly chuckled.

I looked at him as I popped my finger out of my mouth and smiled sheepishly.

"I wonder how you manage to keep such a supermodel silhouette," he added, eying me up and down.

I snorted. "Says the skinniest pasta-lover I know..."

A half-smile spread across his face. "What can I say? I'm running on an intense metabolism..."

"Well, maybe I do to," I replied, picking up a second smidgen of chocolate with another finger.

"Mmm... And gigs are also calorie vacuums.," he added.

I nodded and agreed, "I believe you." I was always amazed by the amount of energy the guys were burning during their gigs.

We stopped talking again but didn't stay silent...for we both hummed along Lady Gaga's 'You and I' that was currently playing. He really got into it at some point and even started singing at the top of his voice, making me laugh.

Later he helped me pour the mixed chocolate-butter-sugar-eggs in three different molds. I stuffed the whole into the oven, set the timer, and we were done.

I traipsed toward my snug armchair before plopping down onto it, propping my knees on top of one of the armrests, letting my legs dangle. He sat on the couch in front of me.

"What do we do now?" he asked.

I stretched myself. "I dunno. What do you want to do?"

He scratched his head while thinking. "We could...go out."

'_Here it comes..._'

Dom had planned this too. He'd predicted that Matt would be bored at some time and would want to go out to the park. That would leave the flat accessible to Charlenne and Emily, who- most likely- were already done decorating the dimies' apartment.

"Go out where?" I prompted him, smiling.

"Go out...to..."

'_The park. The park._'

"To the Mall."

'_...What?_'

"The Mall?" I wavered.

"Yeah."

"Why the Mall?"

He arched an eyebrow. "Is there something wrong with the Mall?"

'_Well to begin with, it's not the park._'

"Don't you rather go to the park? The weather is so beautiful..."

He wrinkled his nose, disagreeing. "A little _too_ beautiful if you ask me. We'll liquefy if we go out full in the sun..."

'_True... But... oh come on, not the _Mall_..._'

He was looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"Hum... I'll be right back," I muttered as I stood up and headed to the toilets. Matt watched me go, obviously puzzled.

Once I'd locked myself in the small room, I flapped down the lid and sat on it, all the while writing a text to Dom.

*Echo to SpiderDom. MarmiteHater wants to go to the Mall!*

I fidgeted on my seat while I waited. It took longer than for the previous texts, but I eventually got a reply.

*SpiderDom to Echo. Good! I told you he would want to go out. Shall I sent GossipGirl?*

I blinked at my screen. That wasn't the answer I'd been expecting...

*He wants to go to the MALL, Dom. You'd said the park.*

*SpiderDom to Echo. Alright, I'm not a soothsayer. The Mall will do. Actually it might even be better, it'll keep you busy longer.*

I grunted when I read that. *Dom, I can't go to the Mall with him. You know how he's like.*

*Stop whining. We're having some troubles here at the garage, I don't have time for this. Just do your job so that the girls can do theirs. Off you go.*

"You're not the boss of me," I grumbled before tugging my tongue out at my phone. I kept tapping my foot against the floor, unable to hide my agitation while I thought. I really couldn't find a way to change Matt's mind...

Giving up, I got to my feet, flushed the toilet and joined Matt in the living room. He was listening to 'Fuckin' in the Bushes' by Oasis so loudly that I couldn't even hear myself think anymore. I neared the dining table and turned off the iPod dock altogether. Don't think that I didn't like this song though, I loved it.

"Okay, let's go," I threw while I grabbed my purse which I'd left on the coffee table.

Matt had lain down on the couch, his arms behind his neck. He raised his head a bit when I passed him. "What? Right now?" he hesitated, surprised.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Unless you've got something to do."

"Er, no, no."

He stood and almost hopped to the front door, not bothering to take anything with him.

"I can leave my guitar here, right?" he requested as I opened the door and we both stepped out.

"Sure," I mumbled back.

I locked the door on the other side and started down the stairs, Matt tagging along beside me.

* * *

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Endlessly'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	47. I don't want to get what I want

Ugh, that last chapter really was boring, wasn't it? And who knows why I put a capital 'M' to the word 'mall'?... Rah, nevermind, this chapter's better. We're getting closer...

I've put a new paragraph to my profile's page, called 'some news'. It should allow me to lighten my ANs here.

Anyways (if I'd got a penny each time I'd written this word...), thank you to Twilightluver99, Madia and Gabby for the reviews :) (I must admit that Gabby's one pushed me to finish this chapter faster ^^)

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (5) I don't want to get what I want, but I'm willing to try.**

"...And y'know, Einstein sort of proved it... Yeah, it's true, he said that energy cannot be created or destroyed, and only ever changes form. And human body contains electrical energy so when someone dies, the body becomes inert but the electrical energy also has to go somewhere..."

I couldn't even recall when or how Matt had started setting forth the theory that ghosts were real and that it had been scientifically proven. But I did my best to keep on listening while I walked. Or at least, to keep on _looking_ like I was listening. It wasn't that I didn't find his conversation interesting, but maybe just a little bit too...developped. And besides, I didn't like ghosts, the simple idea of their existence scared the shit out of me. So I didn't really need an exposé aiming to convince me that they were real.

But, truth be told, I liked listening to his voice. Especially when we was talking about something that fascinated him.

"Oh, really?" I tentatively put out when there was a break in his flow of speech. I hadn't registered his last sentence, so I had no idea if my saying that made any sense at all.

But apparently, it did.

"Yes, really! I know, that's very interesting, isn't it?" he fired away. "Did you know that there are almost eight million results turned up by Google which suggest a connection between ghosts and the conservation of energy? There are so many experiments and books about..."

We'd reached the wide square on which the mall opened and the place was crowded with people. The natural warmth radiating from the bodies around me added to the suffocating ambient heat. The white granite under our feet reflected the sun's rays...so even at ground level the air wasn't cool. It was unsustainable.

I wondered how Matt could summon that much energy when he spoke... And it seemed that I wasn't the only one to be amazed by his buoyancy. Most of the people whom we crossed path with cast suspicious glances at Matt, as if it wasn't possible that a normal human being could be so lively in such a furnace. Or maybe these people were just watchful of Matt's motions...since he was animatedly moving his hands about in the air to punctuate his sentences.

"...The scales were not finely adjusted and there was a good deal of interference by people opposed to their work..."

Good Lord, I didn't know where he was heading but it was definitely out of my reach.

I swallowed back a sigh and turned to my phone. I wrote a message to Charlenne...alias 'Gossip Girl', to tell her she'd have to turn the oven off in an hour and a half. There. Cakes and ovens. Something senseful again.

Was I really trivial? Probably not... But Matt's twisted theories were beyond me. Just like my speeches about the brand new, state-of-the-art analog cameras' constitution were beyond him and the others. I swore to myself that I would never harp on it around them ever again.

I was still tapping on my phone's screen when we entered the mall. The automatic doors closed behind us and I was suddenly wrapped in the fresh, air-conditioned atmosphere of the centre.

I exhaled, instantly relieved. "God... Bless whoever invented the air-conditioning," I whispered without stopping.

I sent my little text message and eventually started to slow down in my tracks. I'd noticed Matt had fallen silent again.

"I'm still listening you know..." I said as I looked up. But he wasn't beside me anymore. I frowned and turned around. "Matt?"

The mall's hall was as crowded as the front square had been, perhaps even more crowded. Everyone was desperately searching for a cool place to stay in. The hall was buzzing with the people's chatting and when I actually stopped to listen to it, I realised just how _loud_ it was. My call for him had pitifully died under the weight of the others' voices.

I tried to comb through the mob with my eyes, looking for Matt's bright yellow t-shirt.

'_It shouldn't be so hard to spot..._'

A couple hugging, kids laughing, a security gard pacing and speaking on his talkie-walkie, a businessman walking by, another couple, the escalators...so much animation around me, but Matt was nowhere to be seen.

"Dammit..." I muttered under my breath as I ran a hand in my hair.

That was the reason why I didn't like going to the mall with him. He was worse than a child, always disappearing when you turned your back on him, even for a second.

I huffed and my hand swang back to my side, slapping my thigh a bit in the process.

There was no point in trying to find him just by looking around now. He was most likely too far away already. I had to concentrate and think. Where could he have gone?

I rolled back time in my head. We'd come into the mall by the east entrance. I mentally listed all the shops of the area- or at least, the ones that I knew- trying to determine which ones could have captured Matt's attention.

And suddenly, the answer seemed obvious. Of course. I knew where he was.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

'ODDS & ENDS'

That was the name of the store in front of which I was standing right now. I stared at the sign board for a few seconds. It was lit in red, the bottom half of the 'E' in 'ENDS' was flickering as if the neon behind the coloured plastic was about to blow. But apart from that, the shop wasn't that scruffy and it looked tidy enough...when you didn't enter it.

I knew it was only the front that seemed well in order. The more you progressed between the shelves, the more it got messy. I was aware of that because I'd alrealy come to find Matt in here several times in the past. He literally _adored_ this place.

I shook my head and stepped across the threshold. I glanced over to my left where the owner of the store was slouched in his chair, his feet up on his desktop, his face almost entirely hidden by the newspaper he hold widely opened in front of him. The old geezer had never been extremely loquacious, at least not with me. He seemed to be totally oblivious of my presence. What a way to hook the clients...

I raised my eyebrows a bit at the man's demeanour yet I started fowards without a word. The shop was seemingly deserted, the general huming coming for the hallway behind me slowly decreased in volume while I kept going along the shelves, and a distant rummaging sound suddenly caught my ear. I followed it and finally stopped when I was almost certain that it was coming from the other side of the rack to my right. I turned my head in that direction and took a step closer in order to peep through the narrow slits between the many objects on the shelf.

Without warning, one little box in front of me trembled. I blinked at the thing with surprise and watched it move away. Across the small window that had just been created stood Matt. I held my breath and kept still. He frowned at the cubic object and then held it up curiously at the level of his face, tilting it this way and that. After a couple of seconds his beautiful eyes stopped focusing on the cube and his gaze slid past it.

When he saw me he jumped, startled enough to drop the object. I heard a thud as it hit the ground, but it hadn't sounded like it had broken.

"Shit," Matt grumbled, looking down at the thing and my lips twitched into a sheepish smile. He cast an irritated glance at me before bending over, disappearing from my sight.

"Sorry," I said as I stood on tiptoe.

He straightened up again, the box in his hand.

"I didn't mean to-"

Matt pushed the object back into the gap, cutting short to my apology.

I closed my mouth after an instant and I drew away from the shelf, pouting slightly. I walked down the line of racks and got around the last one, to be in the same aisle than Matt. I strolled towards him, taking my time, pretending to cast interested looks at the shelves around me, until I finally reached his side. He was meticulously inspecting some other thingummy he'd found and only swiftly eyed me sideways when I stopped next to him.

I sighed and stared at my shoes as I lightly pushed against one rack's edge with my right foot...just waiting for him to say something. But I discretly peeked at him and it seemed that his attention was entirely focused on the piece of crap in his hands. I had no idea what it was. It was cylindrical and apparently in two parts, since there was a visible circular demarcation in the middle. It seemed to be made of aluminium and it was about three inches in diameter.

"What is that?" I asked him, "a flashlight? A giant pen?" I chuckled.

"I dunno," Matt mumbled back, his tone of voice not really engaging.

I frowned again. "Are you giving me the cold shoulder or what?"

He sighed loudly but said nothing.

I took a step back, staring at him incredulously. "What? If anyone here's got any good reason to be angry it's me, don't you think? _I'm _the one who's been given the slip, _you_ disappeared on me!"

That made him look up from his gadget. For a second he just stared back at me as if he couldn't believe his ears. "I _told_ you I was coming here. Twice. But you didn't listen."

He seemed perfectly sincere and I doubted myself. "Y-you did?"

He huffed quietly and his eyes returned to the aluminium thingy in his hands. "Yes, I did. But you stopped listening to me about halfway to the mall anyway."

"That's not true!" I lively denied.

Now he'd put one hand on each end of the cylinder and was trying to twist it open. "Really?" he said, his voice strained a bit because of the effort. "What was I talking about then?"

"About ghosts," I replied looking down at his hands. His knuckles had turned white.

He groaned and finally gave up. "Wow. Is that all you remember from the conversation?" he asked ironically, frowning at the cylinder.

"Alright, maybe I didn't listen to everything," I conceded, "I'm sorry. But you have to admit it was more a speech than a conversation. It felt more like you were lecturing me, not talking to me."

"Yeah, well, I do tend to waffle when I'm nervous," he mumbled as he put the mystery thing back onto its shelf. Then he started to walk away, exploring other shelves.

I followed him. "Nervous?" I faltered. "Why would you be nervous?" I slowly asked him.

"'Got my reasons," he muttered, more to himself than anything else.

Exasperation suddenly filled me head to toes. An irritated huffed skipped from my lips and I pushed myself away from the rack he'd stopped by. I turned around, taking a few steps away from him. When I looked back at him he raised an eyebrow questioningly, apparently surprised by my reaction.

"That's getting on my bloody nerves!" I exclaimed, frowning at him.

"What is?"

"Th- This, you!" I stuttered, gesturing at him. "You and your mood swings! I'm trying to keep up, I _am_, but- but- it's difficult!... First you were super evasive, I had to worm everything out of you, about Dom and the studio and everything... And then you got all playfull in the kitchen, but now you're all weird again! I don't understand, I thought we had passed this, what do-"

I was suddenly silenced up when Matt wrapped his hand around my mouth. I probably would have shut up on my own anyway, frozen by the rapidity with which he had closed the distance between us and pressed me against the shelves behind me. We stayed still for an instant and his eyes stared into mine, inquiring, as if he wanted to make sure that the flow of words wouldn't start up again with renewed vigor as soon as he would free my mouth. I tried to tell him that it wouldn't with my look. He waited a few seconds more but then pulled his hand away. I moistened my lips when he did, without even realising it.

He sighed and his breath fanned against my face. I had to stop myself from closing my eyes and leaning closer. He was still smelling as good as I remembered. He smelt like... Like crushed pine needles on a sunbathed forest floor. That was exactly how he smelt.

"You're saying you don't understand," he said softly, "but what about me? Do you think that _I_ understand?"

I just opened and closed my mouth in turn a couple of times, trying to recall how to speak English.

"I just don't understand what you're doing here with me," he kept going. "After the way you've been acting... You've been avoiding me all this time, and now you're willing to spend the afternoon with me...?"

I'd been avoiding him? He got it wrong, _he_ was the one who'd been avoiding _me_. But my tongue was still too numb to form proper words just yet. Nevertheless he seemed to catch what I was on about in my head.

"Seriously, you've made it clear that it's a living hell for you to spend any amount of time in the same room than me..." he said, ache laced in his voice. "So I'm just wondering why it's different today," his words faded and he looked down.

I could almost hear my own heart break. I'd rather have become blind than watched that look on his face any longer. I threw my arms around him, squeezing him against me.

"Oh, Matt, I'm so sorry. So sorry for having lead you to think that. It's not like that. It's never been like that."

He stiffened with surprised at first but eventually held be back, slowly, hesitantly. I kept him close to me, basking in his scent and in his warmth.

"What if we tried to put this all behind us, if only for today?" I proposed as I propped my chin on his shoulder.

He sighed and lightly leaned his head on mine. "I don't think that's possible," he whispered back.

"Please," I pulled away, to look him in the eye. "Please, just for today, will you try? I promise that I'll try."

He let out a short chuckle but there was no humour in it. It sounded more sad than amused. But his blue eyes scanned my face and he nodded.

"'kay," he softly said.

My lips curved into a small smile. "Okay," I repeated, sealing the deal.

He smiled back. And after a moment, I realised just how close we were right now.

"Er... Are you gonna buy anything?" I fumbled, feeling my face getting hotter.

He took a deep breath in and out and his gaze wandered round the shelves beside us. "Nah," he shook his head, "I don't think so. There aren't so many new things since the last time I came." Then he looked back at me.

"So... We should get going then?"

He nodded but didn't move right away. I cleared my throat and he smirked but eventually let go of my waist. I tucked my hair behind my ear and cast a shy look up at him. And then we both lazely headed towards the shop's exit.

* * *

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'A Moment Of Madness' - Katie Melua

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	48. Music makes the people come together

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (6) Music makes the people come together**

"Bye, Mr. Kieskovski," Matt said politely as we reached the shop's front door.

The man grumbled a "good day" under his breath but then he deigned look up from his newspaper and spoke louder and clearer. "Oh, Matthew, there's a new music store in the mall," he articulated with a strong, eastern accent. "Second floor, opposite the...the beauty thing..."

Matt glanced at me, frowning slightly. "Huh, beauty thing?"

I shrugged. There was no beauty parlour on the second floor.

"Oh, do you mean the Body Shop?" Matt asked as if he'd suddenly gained understanding.

"Yes, yes. Beauty, body..." Mr. Kiesko-thing replied, dipping back into his newspaper. "Thought it might interest you," he said, on grumbling mode again.

"Well, yes, thank you sir. Have a nice day."

Gee, he'd have to quit being to utterly courteous or I would look like a cad next to him. "Hum, bye," I blurted before catching up with Matt in the hallway and matching his step. "Wow, you actually got the guy to use his tongue!" I congratulated him ironically as we both stepped on the escalator.

"Yeah," Matt answered, leaning against the bannister and giving me a lopsided smile. "He was in a good mood today," he added.

My brows rose a fraction. "Damn. I wish I'll never encounter him in a bad mood," I quipped, making him chuckle.

While I let the escalator slowly carry me upwards, I observed him. He looked just a tiny bit more appeased than before. His features were more relaxed and opened. I'd shared a little part of my mind with him and he'd done the same thing with me, and the heavy weight I always felt on my shoulders when I was around him had lightened a notch. It felt good.

"In any cases, he hasn't lied," Matt stated when we reached the second floor. When I looked at him again he indicated the brand new music store with a quick movement of his chin.

It was smaller than I had expected, no more than sixty square metres. But it looked sparkling new and neat. Almost cosy with the red carpeting and the warm coloured walls.

When we got closer, I noticed that 'Origin of Symmetry' was proudly enthroning on the novelty stand at the entrance, even a trimester after its release. The CD's yellowish cover was standing out, brightly contrasting with the black wood of the shelves. I darted a look at Matt, expecting him to be wearing the same smug face than earlier in the apartment, with the 'Megalomania incident'. But in fact he looked pleased but also...shy. He stepped into the store without as much as a glance for the lines of CDs, rubbing his nose chiddishly to try and hide his embarrasment. And a delicate blush crept into his cheek, making him look unbearably cute.

I looked down and smiled to myself. With a bit of luck there was a Muse fan somewhere in the music store, someone that would pester Matt for an authograph or something like that. He would silently plead me to save him with puppy eyes and I would just stand back and watch him awkwardly try to extricate himself from his growing fame's duties.

Ahead of me Matt walked down a row of CDs, letting his fingers brush against the plastic boxes while his gaze wandered around, on the look out for anything that could interest him. I did the same, sharing his passion for this kind of places. Places where you could find unexpected real bargains.

I soon lost track of Matt. He'd drifted away, gone looking for stuff. And I was pawing through some CDs, somewhere amongst the classical acoustic guitars compositions.

In the background Bobby McFerrin's 'Don't worry, be happy' began playing. Not really one of the latest hits... I cast a look around, looking for whoever was in charge of the store right now, half-expecting to stumble upon a perfect caricature of a dreadlocked reggae lover.

But actually the young man behind the desk close to the entrance was dressed as commonly as anyone, his hair was short, his face sympathetic, nothing more.

My analysis of the seller's looks had to stop there. For my field of vision had suddenly been filled by some large blue square. It soon became evident that it was a vinyl jacket. When I read what was written on it, I let out a very fangirly squeal.

DM...PERSONAL JESUS & ENJOY THE SILENCE

It disappeared from my sight as quickly as it had come. My head whipped around to look at Matt who was holding this little treasure. "Oh my God! But- Gee- I, where did'y'find it? !" I sputtered, furiously blushing with pure _excitement_.

Matt giggled at my reaction. "Just over there, there's a vinyl section."

"It's _amazing!_" I exclaimed, reaching out for the vinyl with both arms.

Now, you have to understand, I was a _huge_ Depeche Mode fan. _And_...I happened to collect vinyls. That one was so extremely rare that I'd never even heard of it before. 'Personal Jesus' and 'Enjoy the Silence' were ones of DM's greatest hits and I would never have imagined that the two songs could be reunited in one single vinyl.

Yet just before I could actually touch it, Matt's hand jerked away.

"Oh c'mon, give it to me!" I demanded as I chased after the blue jacket. Matt had stretched out his arm as far as he could behind him, keeping it out of my reach. He was grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

"What are you offering for it?"

I didn't answer and plunged after the vinyl, half trying to climb over him, my mind in overdrive. He started to laugh and walked backwards, and I closely followed. I managed to brush the cardboard at some time, but couldn't succeed in getting a good grasp of it. He eventually reached the wall at the far end of the store and he hid the vinyl behind his back. I pressed myself against him, trying to snatch it out of his hands, but he had it firmly trapped between his back and the wall.

"Don't crush it! You'll damage it!" I warned him, honestly worried.

He was still grinning but nevertheless released some of the pressure on his back. His face was flushed and his hair tousled. Had I really been such a wild cat? He looked lovely, at all events...

"It's cruel," I stated, whining like a three-year-old. "Why are you doing this?"

"Well, it got me cornered by a flustered, overly cute looking Jade. That's reason enough for me," he told me, giving me a radiant smile.

I huffed softly and it made a lock of my hair ripple upwards. I blew on it, trying to push it out of my face. I couldn't use my hands, since there were still clinging at the edges of the vinyl's jacktet, behind Matt's back.

"Give it to me, please," I said more calmly, my voice dropping as I tried to use a flirty tone. Honestly, I would have used any means to make him give in right now. My arms were around him, and our chests were touching. I couldn't come closer to him than I already was, so I just gazed at him through downcast lashes, trying to look as irresistible as I possibly could.

He sighed, his grin transforming into a small smile. "I'd love to. But as I said, you have to choose something to give me in return."

I sighed as well. "Alright. What do you want?"

I raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you _really_ asking me this question?"

He was right, that probably wasn't a good idea. "Hum, let me think. What about...a scoop of ice-cream?"

"Only one scoop?" he snorted. "Maybe you don't want that vinyl as much as I thought you did..."

"Two scoops?"

He thought it over for a second. Then he finally named his price. "Three scoops..."

"Deal!" I exclaimed.

"...and a kiss," he finished.

I immediately let go of the jacket and took a step back, tittering nervously. "No way!" I declared vehemently, wondering if he was serious.

His smile waned and he rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me I'm that repulsive," he said, sounding slightly hurt.

I gaped at him for an instant. He _was_ serious. "What's wrong with you? !" I chided him. "It has nothing to do with repulsiveness whatsoever. But I can't-"

"Ah, don't give me the 'I can't' card. I've seen you kiss Dom many times on the cheek-"

"Certainly not!" I cut him off, before rethinking what I had just heard. "Wait... Did you say on the cheek?"

He was about to reply but then something glittered in his blue gaze and the corners of his mouth slowly turned up into a smile again. "Of _course_ I said on the cheek," he said, staring at me as if with new eyes. "I _meant_ on the cheek in the first place. What did you understand, Jade?"

"I... I..." Embarrassment detered my brain from building a coherent response. He'd managed to twist the situation, making it look like _I_ was the one with a dirty mind here. "Oh, you know damn well what I understood," I finally grumbled, avoiding his searching looks.

He chuckled again. "It's not my fault if you have a dirty min-"

"Yeah, yeah, spare me," I interrupted him. I sighed and eventually met his eyes again.

"So?" he asked, looking too damn confident for my liking. "What do you say? A kiss and three scoops of ice-cream for the vinyl?"

I was skimming through various scenarios in my head, trying to find the most advantageous for me. "The ice-cream first, then the vinyl, and then the kiss," I suggested.

He shook his head, not really to my surprise. "Sorry, but that's completely illogical. To go fetch the ice-cream with you, I'd have to leave the vinyl here and I don't doubt that you would seize the opportunity. And besides, I have no guarantee that you're going to honor your part of the bargain once the vinyl is yours. No, I'd rather say the kiss first, then the vinyl and only then-"

I didn't even give him enough time to finish his sentence. I pecked his cheek, only barely touching his skin with my lips. "There. Done. Now give it to me," I demanded, holding out my hand and waggling my fingers expectantly.

He stared at me for a couple of seconds, looking so dumbstruck that I almost burst out laughing. "_Excuse-me_, but I don't call _that_ a kiss!" he protested.

I shrugged. "That's exactly how I kiss Dom on the cheek," I said matter-of-factly, "when I do kiss him."

"Well- Just- Maybe," he argued, stuttering, "but he never had leverages like the one I have now!"

I huffed loudly and closed my eyes. Why did he have to be so bloody difficult? When I opened them again, I put both my hands on my hips and looked daggers at him. "Have I ever told you just how annoying you can be?"

The corner of his mouth tugged up into a half smile. "Yes, actually, you have. And others have before you. But in addition of being annoying, you know that I'm stubborn."

Oh, yes, I was well aware of that. And he definitely looked like he was going to be uncompromising on this.

The smile still plastered on his face, he offered me his cheek. "I'm waiting."

I couldn't help smiling in turn. No matter how irritating he could be, he was still adorable. I shook my head slightly at his cockiness, but placed my right hand on his other cheek, which was warm and tender. I kept it still at first, feeling a bit unsure about all this, unsure about what it meant...if it meant anything. He was casting swift glances at me, his face gradually catching a pinky undertone.

And then I realised that by making the moment last, I was giving it importance. So, I forced my mind blank and leaned closer. I let my fingers trail down his cheek, as if to divert his attention and gave him a proper kiss this time, my lips connecting with his skin with a gentle pressure. I allowed myself to breath in soflty through my nose, and his scent filled me. I felt it on my tongue and it made my mouth water.

Now, I was in a bit of a situation. Because I was starting to want more. And judging by the way his left arm had crept around my waist, so did he. I needed to end it, soon.

I waited a couple of heartbeats more before I pulled away, our parting producing a quiet *smack*. He'd closed his eyes and when he opened them again he turned to me, fully blushing this time. His lips had parted... God, I had to stop staring at them.

"You prickle," I told him after an instant, dragging my gaze up to his cerulean eyes, my hand still on his cheek.

"I do not," he denied in a breath. "I shaved yesterday morning," he specified soflty.

"Exactly, you shaved _yesterday_ morning," I sighed, strocking his cheek and thus proving him, with the sound that it made, that I was right. "Anyways... Was it good enough for you?" I asked him, my head canting to one side.

He pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes. "Mmmmh..."

He wasn't going to say 'no', was he?

"It'll do," he finally decided, smiling again. Then, and only after some other suspenseful seconds, he shifted against the wall and presented me with the vinly, giving it up freely this time.

I was all smiles and had to stop myself from hopping around and parading up and down the store with my new trophy. "Thank you!" I fervently said, holding the jacking against my chest in a loving gesture.

"You're welcome," he quietly laughed. "Seeing such a smile on your face is reward enough, believe me," he added, sounding softened.

"Oh, so the ice-cream is no longer needed then?" I wondered.

"I never said that!" he lively asserted.

Before I purchased the vinyl, and even if I couldn't wait until it was officially mine, I checked the section where Matt had found it, in case there were some other hidden gem like this one. But I couldn't dig out anything else and so eventually headed towards the cash desk. Matt, for his part, had resumed his wandering around and I'd have bet that his 'bargain radar' was far more trained than mine.

"Found anything?" I asked him when he joined my side.

"Maybe a few things..." he evasively answered.

He didn't develop more than that and I didn't try to fathom his thoughts. Striving to find the meaning behind each of his words would really have been a full time activity.

I smiled at the cashier and he willingly grinned back. I suddenly noticed what was written on his t-shirt: 'Long Live British Music.'

"I couldn't agree more," I told him, indicating the sentence.

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, I know!" he exclaimed, looking pleased by my remark. "I don't want to sound too patriotic, but let's be honest, between you and I, all the best bands in the world come from the U.K."

I nodded. "Sure. The Beatles, Queen, U2, Depeche Mode... The Cranberries..." I let my words hang in the air, deliberately omiting _one_ particular band.

And the cashier- who was named Henry by the way, according to his badge- filled all my expectations. "Muse," he added. Matt immediately started to get agitated next to me, and I had to bit back a sneer.

"They're so awesome! I don't know if you've heard of them," Henry kept going.

"Vaguely," I replied, fighting off the huge grin that was dying to break out on my lips.

"Come on, you _have_ to listen to their last album," he pointed at the row of yellow CDs. "It's bloody amazing, there's no other word for it."

I couldn't help smiling this time. "That much?"

"Even more than that! I'm dying to see them play in live, I've heard that it's even better..."

I felt Matt take my hand in his and tug lightly on it, silently urging me to speed things up so that we would leave.

I turned to him and gave him a falsely inocent smile. "Hush, honey... We have all the time in the world."

I looked back at Henry and saw him cast a glance at Matt. Then a second one. And then his eyes locked on Matt and the smile slipped from his face.

"Oh my god," he blurted, his eyes widening. "You're-"

"Psssht!" Matt shushed him, dropping my hand in order to shake his own, and throwing worried looks around us.

Henry checked our surroundings as well and then he leaned closer, moistening his lips. "You're Matt Bellamy, aren't you?" he whispered.

Matt sighed and his eyes shot me daggers, but he nodded at the cashier.

The latter cheerily giggled. "I knew it!"

"Glad to make you happy," Matt grumbled, sounding anything but glad.

"I'm such a big admirer," Henry said, trying to keep his voice low in spite of his excitement. "I'm proud to be a relatively early fan, I'm sure you'll go _very_ far."

"Thanks," Matt mumbled, looking just a little less reluctant than before.

"Hum, could you... I mean, do you think you could...sign me an authograph? Please?"

Awww... He'd asked him so nicely. Surely Matt wouldn't refuse. I gave the little star in question a meaningful look and when he noticed it I subtly indicated Henry with my eyes.

'_Come on, Matt. Go on..._'

He exhaled but then turned back to the hopeful-looking cashier. "Sure, of course..."

I almost expected Henry to squeal, but I guess that was just a strickly feminine reaction. He produced his own copy of OoS from god-knew-where and gave Matt a pen.

"By the way," Henry began on a confidential tone while Matt elegantly wrote his name, "I've heard rumours... About some kind of secret gig you intend to throw very soon...?"

My head snapped up. Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit! I hadn't planned on his being such a well _informed_ fan! I cast a wary glance at Matt.

"What? Er, no... We don't," Matt wavered, frowning.

I had to interfere. I cleared my throat and searched for something to say yet nothing was coming to my mind... But thankfully when the cashier looked at me again he changed the subject of his own motion.

"Oh, you're his girlfriend," he stated understandingly. "You don't have to pay for this," he kept going, putting the vinyl in a glossy plastic bag. "It's on the house."

"Eh? But- no!" I stammered, feeling my face getting super hot. "We're not toge-"

"Thaaaaaaaank you very much!" Matt exclaimed, cutting me off. He seized the bag that Henry was handing me. "I really, really appreciate the gesture and er, I shall see you soon. I mean, one day. Probably... Bye!"

Thereupon, he grasped my hand and trailed me behind him, towards the exit and in the hallway. I had just enough time to give Henry one last smile as a goodbye. Then I freed my hand from Matt's and frowned at him.

"Matt, we can't let people think that we're a couple! It's not right."

He snorted. "Don't get your knickers in a twist. You got away with a free vinyl, didn't you?" he pointed out, giving me the bag which contained the said vinyl. "And besides, it's not my fault if you called me honey in front of him."

"I didn't call you honey!" I protested.

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

He stopped walking abruptly, forcing me to do the same. "Uh..._yes_. You did," he insisted. "You said: hush, honey, we have all the time in the world. Those were your exact words."

Had I really said that? I couldn't even remember now... Maybe I had...

"That's even more interesting..." Matt mused quietly, gazing at me.

"What?" I asked, a bit ill at ease under the intensity of these blue eyes.

"The fact that you don't remember it. It means that it really was spontaneous."

I giggled nervously and resumed walking. "Don't try to put your own spin on it..."

Matt matched my step again. "You'll just never admit it, will you?" I didn't answer and he sighed. "Anyways. Chocolate Fudge Brownie, Macadamia and Fairly Nuts."

I stared at him in total puzzlement. "Sorry?"

He was staring at something ahead and when I followed his gaze I caught sight of the Ben & Jerry's glacier.

"With a touch of whipped cream, please," he added.

I chuckled. "Always single-minded, huh?"

He smiled back. "Always."

* * *

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Music' - Madonna

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	49. Deciphering the codes in you

Thanks to Emma for the review :)

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (7) Deciphering the codes in you**

I hadn't managed to resist: I'd bought my own ice-cream. But if Matt had wanted three scoops in a plastic bowl, I'd limited myself to only two scoops, one raspberry and one lime, on a waffle cone. The problem now was that there were some parts of my ice-cream which were clearly unstable.

"Do you wanna play a game?"

I bit a small amount of lime ice-cream off to avoid any dripping, using my lips an not my teeth. And I raised an eyebrow at Matt while I waited for it to melt in my mouth.

Since we'd sat on the brick bench in front of the supermarket on the ground floor, Matt had remained relatively quiet, devouring his ice-cream famishly, as if he hadn't eaten anything for days. The supermarket's cash registers were only a few metres away from us, and the regular *bips* and *clicks* that drifted towards us were pretty annoying. But it was the only unoccupied bench we'd found.

We were facing each other, our backs propped up against the bench's armrests. The bricks were curved and polished, without any sharp edges, so it was comfortable enough. My legs were folded in front of me and my left arm circled my knees whereas Matt's legs were crossed and streched out in front of him. But he was careful not to monopolize all the space for him and there was a reasonable amount left vacant, in case I felt the need to change position.

"What kind of game?" I asked once I'd swallowed.

He slid his little white plastic spoon out of his mouth before answering. "Do you know 'if I were, I'd be'?"

"Never heard of it," I said, shaking my head a little.

He smiled and dipped his spoon in the ice-cream again. "It's very simple. The principle is to choose a theme, a subject, and then ask the question: if I were a whatever-the-subject-is, what would I be? But in fact you ask the question and answer it yourself at the same time. For example, if the question is: 'if I were an alien, what sort of alien would I be?' then you just say: 'if I were an alien, I'd be a Zeta.'"

"A what?" I asked, puzzled.

"A Zeta," he repeated. "It's an extraterrestrial life form..."

"You've just made that up."

"No! I swear, I've watched many documentaries about-"

"Not the Zeta-thing," I interrupted him. "Although I'm sure this is another eccentric, paranoid theory. But I was talking about the game. I bet you've just invented it."

He'd scooped up a bit of ice-cream in his spoon but he held it in the air, frowning and looking quite offended. "That's not true! Nevermind about the Zetas, but that game does exist. I used to play it all the time with my mother."

Aww, that was really cute actually.

He turned his spoon upside-down and put it into his mouth. "But," he said once his mouth was free again, "if you don't mind, I'd like to bend the rules a little."

I smiled. "Why am I not surprised?"

He shrugged. "I just think it would be much more interesting if it were another person who answered the question. I could say what kind of thing _you_ could be, and you would do the same for me. Like, if I were a...I dunno...let's say a fruit. If I were a fruit, what fruit do you think I would be?"

"A banana," I answered immediatly, as if it was obvious. And it _was_ obvious, really.

He chuckled, visibly pleased. "Right. Easy one. So, do you want to play or not?"

It seemed harmless enough- or at least, that was what I thought at that moment- and we still had almost two hours to kill before going back to the apartment. So why not?

"Uh-huh," I agreed, nodding and taking another bite of my ice-cream.

"Good!" he exclaimed happily. I wondered why it was making him so cheerful. It was only a game... "Come on, ladies first. Choose a question."

"Well, I like the fruit one," I stated after a second of reflexion. "So tell me, if _I_ were a fruit, which one would I be?"

"Ugh, please, Jade," he rolled his eyes, "you've got more imagination than that..."

"Of course I do!" I pouted, slightly vexed. "But I'm curious about the fruit one. And if you can bend the rules then so can I. And I've just decided to invent a new one: we _both_ answer the question for all themes."

He tiltled his head to the side, the corner of his mouth twitching into a half-smile. "Alright, fair enough." Then he gave me a thoughtful look up and down before answering. "You'd be an apple."

"An apple? Why? Because of my eyes?"

"Because of your eyes?" he repeated, frowning.

"Hum, yeah..." I hesitated, being confused in turn. "I don't know, I was thinking that it may be because of the colour..." I'd been told several times that my eyes were apple green. If it hadn't been the thought pattern he'd used, then I just couldn't see what logical link he had found between me and an apple...

"Oh, I get it. No, it wasn't a green apple I had in mind actually," he said, flashing a mysterious smile.

"A red one then?"

"Mmmh," he confirmed with his spoon back in his mouth, nodding.

I was getting really sceptical there. "Do I have something in common with Snow White?"

He giggled. "More with Eve than Snow White I'd say."

"Eve?" Oh...right. Eve and the apple. The forbidden fruit.

I snorted and he smirked when it was clear that I'd finally understood. "Well that was long," he mocked me.

"Shut up," I muttered, feeling the usual blush warm up my cheeks. "Now, it's my turn."

"But I've just given you an answer, it should be my turn," Matt argued.

"No, it was you who found the fruit theme. Now it's my turn to choose the question."

"Oh, yeah," he grumbled, "that new rule of yours. Alright, shoot then."

"Hum..." I had to find something that would allow me to get even, so I had to think of my own answer before I could plump for the question. I barely contained my grin when I eventually found what I was looking for. "Okay, I've got one. A classical one, actually. If I were an animal, what would I be?"

"Classical indeed." He narrowed his eyes as he thought and I smiled at him, letting him study me with his eyes. But it took him only a few seconds. "A butterfly. You'd be a butterfly."

Okay, there I definitely couldn't see any resemblance. But he explained without my having to ask why anyway.

"Beautiful and hard to catch," he said smoothly, hidding his smile behind his plastic bowl, but the amusement in his eyes was plain to see.

"Matt," I admonished him, rolling my eyes to try to appear composed and detached. But inside I was writhing. I was beginning to grasp the reasons behind this little game. "Are all your answers going to be like that?"

"You bet," he replied, beaming. "But what about me?" he went on, before I could strike back. "What animal would I be?"

He scooped up another bit of ice-cream all innocent like but was sticking out his chest proudly, probably expecting 'a black panther' or something hot like that. This time I couldn't hold back and grinned from ear to ear, already enjoying his reaction.

"A chimp."

He choked on his ice-cream and I burst out giggling. "_What? !_" he croaked between two coughs, indignate and red-faced.

"Well there're weird, always excited, annoying, and they love bananas."

"Nonsense!" he protested, still coughing.

"But it fits you to a T!" I justified with another giggle.

"Know what? I don't mind," he fired away once he'd got his breath back, even if his voice was still strained. "Yeah, I don't fuckin' mind. Actually I'm proud," he went on. "Do y'know why? 'Cause at least monkeys are bloody smart! And _they_ don't start their life by being a caterpillar!"

I finally managed to control my laughing fit but I was still grinning. "Aww, you're such a sweet little bad loser."

"I'm not a bad loser," he mumbled, his flushed face shifting into an almighty pout. "There isn't supposed to be any winner or loser in this game."

After that his eyes remained down, fixed on his bowl, where he kept poking his ice-cream without taking any bite. I left him a good minute, but he stuck to his silence. So I transferred my waffle cone from my right hand to my left hand and laid the former on his knee.

"Matthew," I said, my voice reaching out in a soothing manner, "don't sulk..." I gently rubbed the fabric of his black trousers and tried to catch his eye. "Come on, it's your turn." It felt like I was trying to coax a little boy out of a whim.

He sighed and tortured his ice-cream a little longer before breaking his silence. "A colour."

I smiled. "Ah, but the answer to this one is blatantly obvious..." I let my reply hang between us and his gaze eventually glided up towards mine. And as I lost myself in the ocean of his eyes, his wonderful irises displaying such a beautiful gradation of blue, the rest of my sentence skipped from my lips in a murmur. "Blue."

He kept me captive for some time, not pouting anymore but not smiling either. "You like my eyes, don't you?" It had almost sounded like a statement, but I considered it to be a question.

"I do," I returned him seriously, surprising myself with my franchise. "I always have. A lot."

He looked down again, freeing me, but I kept my own eyes on his face nevertheless. "I like yours too you know," he said softly, in a rather neutral tone. "You should be reminded of it more often. Reminded of how stunning they are."

My heart suddenly began to pump a little bit harder than usual and a few awkward seconds went past in silence, the atmosphere having turned from playful to very earnest in just a couple of sentences. The fact that he hadn't said it in a flirty tone, without any seductive smile or suchlike, made the compliment even more flattering and sincere.

His voice roused me from my little daze when he resumed talking. "But I wouldn't choose green for you. I think you would be orange."

"Are you gonna tell me why?" I asked when he didn't explain.

"Do you want to know why?"

"Yes."

He shifted a bit on the bench before looking up at me again. "Because I've read somewhere that yellow is the colour of intelligence. And since red represents passion... I just think you're a good mix of the two."

Intelligence and passion. It sounded more like him than me.

"It's your turn," he prompted me.

"I'm not sure I want to play anymore..." I whispered, looking down.

"Please, just one more. It's just a game, Jade." He'd lightened his voice's tone a bit.

Just a game, just a game... It didn't _feel_ like 'just a game' anymore.

"Please," he insisted, "it's my bir- I-I mean, for me, please. Humour me." He'd swiftly corrected himself, but I knew what he would have said. 'Please, it's my birthday.'

I couldn't deny him that. I sighed and tried to relax again. I licked around the base of my ice-cream where it met the cone in a circular motion as I thought, turning my wrist and curving my tongue at the same time. There was only the raspberry scoop left now.

"If I were a classical music piece," I finally said, "which one would I be?"

"Very good one," he commented approvingly.

He thought it over for a long, _long_ time. But I wasn't in a hurry so I didn't mind. I followed the succession of ideas that pierced through his ruminations and shifted his face. Once of twice he inhaled and opened his mouth as if he was about to answer, but then he would close it again, changing his mind.

Meanwhile, I kept eating my ice-cream. Right now I was drawing it out of my mouth, using my lips to mould it into a point.

"C-could... Could you please stop doing that?"

I froze and looked up at him, confused. He'd sounded agitated...and I noticed that he was staring at my mouth.

"It's...extremely distracting."

When I realised that he was talking about my eating the ice-cream, I popped my mouth away from it immediatly. "Oh, er, yeah, s-sure," I stuttered, averting my eyes from his. I wiped my lips clean with the back of my hand, my face getting hotter and hotter with each passing second. But then I stared at my cone perplexedly. I had no idea how to eat it otherwise...

Matt cleared his throat. "Here, use that." He straightened up a bit and handed me the little stick-shaped biscuit that had come with his ice-cream and which he hadn't eaten yet.

When I took it, his fingers brushed mine and I couldn't help sneaking a glance up at him. He gave me a small, shy smile before leaning back in his seat.

"Hum... So, have you made up your mind yet?" I inquired. "About the music piece?" I was fiddling with my new crunchy tool, trying to ignore the electric sensation that was tingling under my skin, where he'd touched me.

"I think I have. But you won't like it."

I frowned. "Why wouldn't I like it?"

"Because of its name."

That pricked my curiosity. "It's too late now, you blew it. I want to hear it."

He chuckled quietly and only hesitated for a few more seconds. "Love Dream. By Franz Liszt."

"Oh."

Yeah, interesting name, indeed...

"The tone of that piece is a bit..._grave_, no?" I remarked. "If I remember it correctly."

"Not that much... But it's intense. I'll play it for you," he proposed. "I-If you want me to of course."

I smiled. 'Shy Matt' was so bloody cute. "Yeah, we'll see about that," I answered, staying vague.

He sighed softly and looked down at his- almost empty- bowl of ice-cream. "And me? Do you have a music piece in mind for me?"

I'd had plenty of time to find one. "I do," I nodded, keeping on smiling.

He glanced up. "So?"

"I think it easily beats 'Love Dream' in intensity. I've chosen 'Storm'. You know it's the third movement of 'Summer' by Vivaldi."

His face lit up. "Yeah, I know which one you mean. Gee, I'm flattered. Is that really how you see me?" he wondered, beaming.

I laughed quietly, glad to see him so happy. "Sometimes. But don't rejoice too soon. 'Cause some other times, when you get too excited about something and start ranting about it, I think that 'Infernal Galop' is more accurate."

He stared at me for a second, pressing his lips together, but then he couldn't hold it back and let out a burst of laughter. "I guess that's fair," he said, looking away and biting his lower lip without managing to hide his smile.

He truly was the only person I knew with whom I could have such conversations. No one else would have understood...

My phone suddenly vibrated in my back pocket. News from Dom? I winkled the phone out and opened the newly received text message, which had in fact been sent by Alex.

*Hey, sis. Don't panic, but right now Lise n I are standing in a queue to one of the registers close to you, behind Matt. Make sure he doesn't see us.*

And of course, I did exactly the one thing that I shouldn't have done. I looked up, and instantly met my brother's eyes.

Indeed, he was standing next to his girlfriend, behind an overflowing supermarket trolley. It was full with sodas, fruit juices, alcohol, water, appetizers that were sweet or savoury, warm or cold... Yes, they _were_ close enough for me to able to see all that.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked, frowning. And without giving me any time to answer, his head started to swivel around. Yet I never let him finish the movement.

"Don't!"

I lurched forwards and grabbed his face in my hand, jerking it back to it's original position. I was pressing his cheeks inwards and his lips were puckered a bit. To top it all, he was staring at me with round eyes. I barely managed to stop myself from laughing.

I let go of his face. "Hum, er..." Quick, quick, I had to find an excuse! "Er, you've got uh..."

When hearing these words, he reacted like any arachnophobic would have: he began to panic.

"What? ! What? ! I-I've got what? !" He kept casting worried looks up and down his own body.

This time I couldn't help chuckling a bit. "Ice-cream," I finally said. "You've just got some ice-cream there..." I picked up his paper towel, "here, allow me."

"Oh," he exhaled, relieved, and let me gently wipe off an imaginary spot of ice-cream in the corner of his mouth. "Thanks..."

"You're welcome. Are you done?" I indicated his plastic bowl.

"Yeah. You wanna move?"

I nodded. "Yes, please."

"Okay."

We both stood up and fortunately the nearest trash can was in the opposite direction to where Alex and Lise were standing. I cast a discreet glance at them at some point and saw that they were giggling their arses off. I grumbled under my breath and replied to my twin.

*Ha-ha. Really funny. If you hadn't sent me the text, none of this would have happened!*

"You sure you're okay?"

I looked up from my phone. "Yeah, don't worry." I wrapped my arm around Matt's. "Come on, let's go wander around." And as I tugged him along, I made sure that he didn't cast any look back.

* * *

**Love Dream**: www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]com/watch?v=KpOtuoHL45Y

**Storm**: www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]com/watch?v=N00XKtROddc

**Infernal Galop**: www.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]youtube.[DELETE THE BRACKETS]com/watch?v=iT24krt30gE

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Square One' - Coldplay

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	50. Future lovers

Yippy, the Muse version of 'The Young and the Restless' is back on FF! Well, not back _back_... I promised that the next time I would be posting the story would be over which is not quite the case since I only have _one_ chapter ready... But, well, devonianmuser insisted that I post it so here it is.

It's only a 'transition' chapter again, preparing what's to come next (so no dramatical crux, sorry) and that's also why I post it. When I'll get to more important chapters (soon, I promise) I'll really make sure they're perfect so I won't post them right away.

So, this chapter's just here to say that I'm still alive and that I haven't given up on the story, I just have a lot, lot, loooot of work to do.

I realised I hadn't thanked The Zetas Are Coming for her review D: well, now it's done ^^ also thanks (again) to Anon for her second review (I really appreciated the 'thanks for writing this story')!

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (8) Future lovers hide love inside their eyes  
**

_Three hours later._

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

I sighed and glanced at my watch again. "Where the hell are they?" I mumbled.

Charlenne took a sip of her flat white before laying it back on its saucer and licking the foam off of her upper lip. I had no idea how she could be drinking a hot beverage right now. 8 pm or not, it was still at least 27 or 28 Celsius over here, even if we were shielded from the sun's rays by the awning.

"Relax," she said, leaning back into her chair. "I'm sure they're on their way."

"But they're almost an hour late..."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, it's fortunate they're late. Do I have to remind you that twenty minutes ago we were still running everywhere 'cause we weren't ready?" She streched her legs under the table. "It's actually nice to have a bit of a break."

I rested my elbows on the small round table where we were sat and rubbed my neck. I did feel a bit sore and I would need my energy back before 11 pm.

"I just really want it to be perfect," I confessed, running a hand in my hair.

A small smile spread across her face. "It _will_ be perfect, don't worry," she reassured me.

I chuckled softly. Charlenne: the Optimist. That was what I liked the most about her. I leaned back as well and pushed my sunglasses up my nose a bit before scanning the people passing by. Surely Jade would warn us when they got close, but she hadn't answered my last text message...

My cellphone suddenly vibrated, making my head whip around towards it. Right on cue! I picked up the device before it could vibrate its way off of the table and opened the latest received message.

"It's from Jade," I informed Charlenne. "She says they're a minute's walk away from the coffee," I added with a grin.

"You see? I told you!"

She sounded very excited and started to stand up but I tried to slow her down. "Wait, wait, we have to act natural!" I couldn't really blame her. I felt hyper as well. At _last_ we were going to witness Matt's reaction and would be rewarded for all our work. I just hoped that we'd all be able to play along until the last moment.

"Yes, yes, natural," she rushed as she sat down again. "We haven't spent the day preparing this, no, no, we haven't," she rambled.

"That's the spirit," I approved as I started selecting several numbers in my repertoire. "Don't forget to pay for your drink," I reminded her.

I swiftly tapped on my screen. *SpiderDom to EVERYONE. Get in position!* I had to keep the text short to be able to send it quickly.

Charlenne dropped a few coins in the little ceramic cup on the table, and they hit the ones I had already laid there with a rattling noise. I automatically darted a look at the cup and noticed that her hand remained hovering above it. I raised my eyes to her face, a bit intrigued. She was staring at something behind me.

I frowned. "What is it?"

"I think I see them..." she trailed off, narrowing her eyes. "Yes, definitely it's them. Gee, I almost mistook them for a couple at first..."

I smiled to myself when I heard that. Maybe Matt had used the time I'd given him even more skillfully than I'd expected him to... But it seemed unlikely somehow. She had him so tame because of his bloody promise...

"Awww," Charlenne crooned in front of me.

"What now?" I queried, fighting the urge to turn around and peek at them myself.

"I don't know, they just look so cute together," she said in a soft tone.

My smiled widened. I knew Charlenne liked Jack. And so did I, to be honest. But we'd all known Matt before him and, deep inside, I believed Charlenne cared more about Matt's wellbeing than Jack's. And it was clear that Matt's true happiness relied on his relashionship with Jade...I think that everybody knew that.

"They'd be happy together," I tentatively let out, waiting for her reaction.

Her features clouded and she just cleared her throat; she looked embarrassed. She didn't want to go down that road and I could tell she was holding back. I never had the time to push it further and make her speak her mind, though.

"Hey, guys!" she exclaimed suddenly.

This time I did twist around. Matt and Jade where standing on the sidewalk, only a few steps away from our table. The first thing I noticed was the huge bouquet of pink and white roses in Jade's hands. The second was the radiant smiles on both their faces. They looked like they'd just had a major laughing fit.

"Hey!" Matt answered merrily. "What're you doing here?"

Charlenne and I casually got to our feet. "Oh, we'd just dropped by for a drink," I replied nonchalantly, "we were about to go back to the apartment anyway." It sounded _really_ dubious in my ears...but Matt seemed to accept it without any hidden thoughts. He was probably too mesmerized by Jade to be suspicious of anything. I'd been so right to use her as a distraction...

"Oh, you went to the mall!" Charlenne commented, pointing at the few bags they were carrying. "What did you find?"

And then we just naturally split into two groups: Matt and Charlenne took the lead, chatting about Matt's purchases, whereas Jade and myself fell back behind them.

I took a minute to observe them and to judge their mood. Matt sounded so happy. I hadn't seen him in such high spirits for a very long time. Too long, actually. I eyed Jade sideways. She seemed to be gleeful as well, looking at nothing in particular in front of her, and smiling at whatever thoughts were running through her mind. Then I glanced down at the bouquet.

"What's up with the flowers?" I inquired quietly.

She seemed to jerk back into reality, looking at me questioningly. "Mmmh?" But then the meaning of what I'd said washed over her mind. She looked down at the bouquet in turn. "Oh, that?" her cheeks flushed pink, matching the colours of some of the roses. "They're Matt's."

I bit back a smirk. "You mean he offered them to you?"

"Oh, no, no," she denied, her face growing redder. "I mean they're _Matt's_. I'm...just looking after them for him."

My brows rose up. "Ooookaaay," I wavered doubtfully. "If you say so..." I definitely would have to investigate into the matter...later.

We kept on traipsing for a little while and we eventually rounded the corner of our street. After a few seconds, Matt suddenly came to a screeching halt and I barely avoided bumping into him.

I started to protest. "What-" but then I quickly shut up, understanding why he'd stopped short.

Ahead of us, and just in front of the building where our apartment was, were gathered the rest of our group. Chris, Tom, Alex, Lise, Emily and Kathy stood there, in an indefinite circle, apparently chatting innocently.

"What's wrong, Matt?" Charlenne asked, faking surprise.

He answered after a couple of seconds. "Nothing..." His voice dripped with suspicion. Then he slowly resumed walking towards them.

Jade and I exchanged an understanding look before following him, and I felt my heart race in anticipation. I was glad to see that none of the others snuck suspicious looks at us while we approached them, but when we eased ourselves amongst the circle, an ominous silence fell upon us all.

"Errr," Matt slowly uttered after a minute, "what is going on?"

I swept my gaze around, meeting only nervous or dumb-looking faces.

'_Come _on_, you ninnies! Somebody say something!_'

I was about to cough to try and shake them a little, but Chris**—**who was currently leaning against 'a' car, his arms crossed on his chest**—**was faster too react. "Um, nothing's going on in particular, we were just pondering what sort of...conveyance we should use tonight."

It seemed that Chris' intervention had roused the little band and they all began babbling at the same time.

"Yeah," Emily went on, "'cause we'd like go out, but you know how we girls hate taking the tube..."

"And since Dom got rid of his car a few months ago..." Tom trailed off.

"We were just wondering," Alex cut in, "if there was a possibility**—**"

"...that you might lend us your car," Lise finished.

I glanced at Matt. Confusion was etched into every line of his face as he tried to take all that in.

"...What?"

I sighed and took off my sunglasses before rubbing my face with the same hand that was holding them. I came over to where Chris was standing and I rested an arm on _the_ car's roof. "In short, they're asking you for a ride, Matt."

Matt was frowning, darting quick looks at the people around him, looking for some enlightenment. When finding none, he just settled for staring questioningly at me. Instead of answering his silent query, I gave the blue car's roof two little taps with the flat of my hand. The sound it made rang hollow but the vibrations crept up my arms as far as my shoulder. Sturdy car.

Still not understanding, Matt opened his mouth, with the clear intention to utter another version of the 'what?'s he'd blurted before. But his eyes trailed down my arm at the same time. And they eventually found the car's roof first and then the whole vehicle in its entirety. And then, _finally_, a hint of recognition came over his face. He pressed his lips back together and took a couple of steps back while scouring every part of the car, trying to drink in every detail at once. He seemed calm and was apparently trying very hard to keep a straight face, but I could see controlled excitement and hope picking through.

All eyes were trained on him when he pointed at the vintage sports car Chris and I were leaning against. He cleared his throat. "Is this...a 62 thunderbird?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek to avoid breaking into a huge grin. Beside me, Chris stirred and cast a glance through the closest window of the car. "Yep," he said, "four-seater convertible, blue bodywork, bicolour coffee and cream leather seats, 3-speed automatic transmission, 300 horsepower V8 engine..."

I wriggled my hand out of my pants' right front pocket and concluded Chris' enticing description. "...And here are the keys," I said as I spun the keychain two or three times round my index finger.

Now Matt looked positively shocked. Yet he still had enough reflexes to catch the keys when I tossed them to him. He opened his hand and stared and the keys for an instant before dragging googly eyes back to my face.

And this time I couldn't contain my smile. "Happy birthday, Matt."

Some quiet, choked exclamation escaped his throat as he heard that. He goggled at me for a couple of seconds more and then swept his gaze on the rest of our group all the while spluttering incomprehensible words of disbelief, surprise and happiness battling for dominance on both his voice and his face. The one coherent sentence that came out of his mouth was, "Oh my God..."

And then, to my surprise**—**and my annoyance, I had to admit**—**he turned to Jade for confirmation. She just shrugged and a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Yeah, happy birthday, Matt!" she repeated.

And that was what it took for him to truly believe that yes, we'd bought him a 1962 Ford thunderbird, yes, the keys really fitted into the keyholes of the car's doors, yes, it could truly start ignition, and yes, his name really was on the car's paper.

Then he squeezed the life out of us by hugging every last one of us, babbling some 'thanks' all the way. I didn't fail to notice that he hugged a _certain_ someone a bit longer than the others... Okay, maybe my imagination had something to do with it as well.

After he'd properly thanked us- twice for some, three times for me- he turned to the car, eying it eagerly as if it was the biggest, most scrumptious piece of cake he'd ever seen. I knew he wanted to give it a ride right away- and that was understandable, who wouldn't have?- but it probably wasn't the best idea considering that it was the rush hour, what with all the people coming home after a hard day's work. It wasn't just the tube that was crowded, the streets were starting to get pretty congested with traffic as well.

But anyways, Matt was about to be presented with his _second_ big gift of the evening so it would help distract him from the car for a minute, hopefully.

"Tsk! I can't believe some jerk has already managed to stick a stupid flyer under the windshield wipers!" Matt exclaimed as he rounded the car to reach for the 'stupid flyer' he'd just spotted. Stupid flyer that _I_ had stuffed there, incidentally... "What's it about? Free tan? Discount carpets?" he hypothesize, chuckling.

I was afraid he would crumple it and get rid of it without even giving it a glance. But thankfully, the headline hooked him efficiently. I mean, thank God, I would hope that a flyer with our own band name on it would catch his attention!

'Muse playing at the Blue Spirit, for a unique gig, this Friday June 9th, 11 pm, blah blah blah...' Basically, that was what Matt was looking at right now.

Now, let me explain. The Blue Spirit was Matt's favorite London nightclub. I mean, it was _our_ favorite, but Matt was particularly fond of it. Though this 2,000-capacity venue had only been opened for a little less than a year, it had quickly made its way to our top 10 nightclubs. How could it have not? Five-sound systems and four bars over three levels, all opening on a huge main dancefloor where bass came through the floor so people could really _feel_ the music... But what we loved the most about it was the lighting and special effect which were, without any exaggeration, quite epic.

Being in the music business and everything, we'd eventually met the owners of the club- two guys, and a woman very cool and approachable- and we were getting on rather well with them. We had already asked them if there was a possibly to throw a special gig in the club but they had nicely made us understand that they prefered to stick to DJs rather than 'real' music bands. Matt had been pretty disappointed, he'd seen the potential of the place and had it all planned out the second he'd walked into the club, how we could use the stages and the effects so it had really been a blow for him.

However, well, I knew that Mia- the chick part-owner of the Blue Spirit- had a soft spot for me so...there's nothing wrong in using one's charm to achieve one's ends sometimes. And so a little nudge here and a little nudge there and bingo!, we had our special gig. And Matt had his present. Or, more exactly, his present_s_. Because the money we'd got in advance from the gig had paid for the car...and for all the other expenses of the evening in fact.

The flyers had been printed in limited edition, the idea had been more about using word-of-mouth and a tiny, almost hidden, news post on our brand new official website. But still, Mia had informed me four days earlier that all the tickets had been sold...in less than three hours. Not to get all full of myself here, but I think it's fair to say that we'd gotten pretty famous. Next thing you know, we were going to fill entire stadiums.

Anyways, now I hope that you understand better why Matt was in his second catatonic state of the evening right now.

I took him a good minute to find his voice again, but when he did, he didn't stutter like I'd expected him to.

"Is this real?" he whispered. Then he seemed to realise something and turned worried eyes to me. "Friday 9? But...it's tonight!" And then the spluttering resumed. "With no rehearsals? ! But- but how-"

I couldn't help smiling to myself at his reaction. I interrupted his concerned flow of words as I came over to place my arm around his shoulders.

"Easy tiger. Don't worry, everything's planned out." He didn't looked convinced and kept frowning nervously at the flyer so I explained myself a bit more. "Tonight's about you. Tonight, you can do whatever the hell you want onstage. Even get naked if it prickles your fancy!" I said, grinning and eliciting a short chuckle from my listener. "Just try not to break anything that don't belong to us... And about the rehearsals, Chris and I think it's best to reproduce the same playlist than the one we used on our last gig, if that's okay with you. Concerning the lightning and effects... Well, we'll just have to rely on the skills of the Blue Spirit's employees. They're professionals, they're used to it. If they can't follow you around then what good are they? Hmm?"

I gave him a little reassuring squeeze but it wasn't really required anymore, he'd relaxed while I'd been talking. He softly blew the air out of his mouth as if in awe and smiled. "Wow, that's a lot to take in," he chuckled, running his hand through his hair. "Thanks Dom, really."

I was about to reply a smug 'oh that's nothing' but Charlenne was faster than I.

"Hey! He didn't do it all by himself! We worked our arses off too!" she protested, followed by the approving grunts of the others.

I gave her a brillant smile and pushed my glasses up my nose again with my free hand. "Yeah, but it's normal he's thanking me in particular, I had all the ideas afterall," I teased her.

I almost thought her jaw was going to unhook from her face.

"Not all of them!" she squeaked once she'd recovered her tongue.

I tried to contain it, but I still burst out laughing. She was so hilariously outraged that I wanted to let her stew in her own juice a little bit more, but Matt cut it short and didn't let me aggravate her any longer.

"You're right Charlenne, thanks to all of you," he said very diplomatically as he turned to the others. "But how did you manage to set up all this behind my back?" he wondered. "I mean, this morning with your little story about the studio and the flooding... Well, I had some doubts. But after a time... I honestly began to believe that you'd all forgotten about my birthday!"

I saw that Tom wanted to say something but, once again, Charlenne outstriped him. "That's a ridiculous notion and you know it. I _never_ forget about _anyone_'s birthday."

Then Tom eventually spoke. "And let's just say that we used a few," he chose his words carefully, "subterfuges and...distractions. You weren't that hard to deceive you know. I personally thought we'd never succeed..."

He hadn't darted a single glance at Jade when he'd said 'distractions'. But I had. And Matt noticed.

When he looked at her something flashed over his face, too fast for anyone to decipher completely. But it seemed to me that his features had clouded, as if he was unhappy about something suddenly. No... More like _disappointed_ in fact. It reminded me that I _really_ needed to talk to him. Alone.

"The cake," he mumbled next to me. "Of course. How could I have been so fucking blind?" he chided himself as he rubbed his hand over his face.

'_Well _I_ know how..._'

I cleared my throat. "Okay, so, now you know and...people are gonna start arriving soon. We'd better get dressed and everything."

Matt drew his hand away from his face, just enough to be able to cast a puzzled look at me. "People? Get dressed?"

"Well yeah," I answered, pulling my arm away from him and taking a step forwards. "You didn't think we were going to celebrate your birthday only by ourselves, did you? And besides, you're not going to the Blue Spirit dressed like that!"

He immediately opened his mouth to protest but I overtook him. "Huh-uh. Complaints unauthorized," I said. And I gently pushed him up the street, towards the Dimies' block of flats.

My moving set the others in motion too, and the ones who weren't ready yet started to migrate towards their respective home as well, all the while happily chatting about Matt's reaction and the Blue Spirit and so on. But while I was trying to get Matt walking, he snuck a look behind his shoulder and I followed his gaze. Jade was in the exact same situation than him, being pushed towards her door by Charlenne, holding her bouquet against her chest, and casting a hesitating glance back at Matt. As if they were both reluctant to be separated.

I huffed quietly and looked forwards again. "Quit it, Matt," I grumbled under my breath. "She's not going to evaporate."

If he heard me, he didn't show it. But in any case he eventually wrenched his eyes away from hers and let me drag him along.

* * *

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Future Lovers' - Madonna

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	51. Now go and get her, 2nd PART FINALE

Don't you just hate it when you type 'Matthew Bellamy' in the google bar search and you end up with pictures of Kate H.? I mean, 'nothing against the woman, but it's still PRETTY FUCKING DAMN ANNOYING.

Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter :-)

* * *

**I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE (9/9) Now go and get her**

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

When we entered Matt's apartment, I could really appreciate Charlenne and Emily's work. The main room had been cleared off of furniture except for several tables lined up against the walls where all sort of appetizers, drinks, glasses and Champagne flutes were disposed on. The speakers were in place, the computers ready to launch the playlists... The only thing that was still missing were the guests. And I knew that my flat was in the same shape right now.

"They really did work their arses off," Matt commented as he closed the door behind Tom.

The three of us were alone in the flat, Chris, Kathy, Alex and Lise had gone to the non-Dimies one. They were now probably talking about 'couple-y' things. I hoped that this apartment wouldn't be deserted though, because the aim was to navigate between the two of them. Our neighbours would most likely go nuts because of the commotions in the hall ways and staircases...but the whole lot of us- sixty, if everybody was coming- wouldn't fit in one apartment, so they'd have to deal with it.

"It surely wasn't so hard," I asserted, knowing I was talking in bad faith. "Just a few trinkets to hide away, chips to put in bowls," I kept going, picking up a couple of the said chips. "How hard can it be?"

Tom interfered. "There's no Charlenne here to piss off Dom, don't be a dick. They did more than us."

I would have protested, if my mouth hadn't been filled with crunched chips.

"And what exactly did you do by the way?" Matt wondered, throwing his keys in a sort of plate placed on a shelf near the door.

"Waiting, mostly, for my part," Tom sighed. "Ordering everyone around for Dom's."

I choked with my chips. I hadn't been _ordering_, I'd been _managing_! Without me, they'd never have been coordinated enough to make it all work!

With watery eyes I tried to defend myself but only succeeded in coughing after Tom who'd just disappeared in his bedroom.

While I poured myself a drink and worked on getting my breath back, Matt smirked at me, as if he approved Tom, and headed towards his own bedroom. I slowly took calming gulp after calming gulp until I'd drained the glass. And then I followed.

When I stepped into his room, Matt'd already stripped out of his T-shirt and was actively rummaging through his closet.

"The black ones," I said, my voice still a bit cracky, before flopping backwards on his bed.

He stopped for an instant. "Are you here to groom me?" he asked. I noticed a hint of annoyance in his voice but I saw from the corner of my eye that he slung the exact clothes I'd been thinking about over his shoulder.

I turned my head to the side to look at him and gave him a smug smile. "Someone has to."

He half-rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm taking a shower," he answered, setting off for the bathroom, "And I'd prefer you didn't follow me as far as in the tub, if you see what I mean."

"As you wish!" I sent after him, knowing he'd heard me before closing the bathroom's door, which was opposite his bedroom.

I fiddled with the hem of my shirt while I waited, staring past the ceiling, hearing but not listening to the sound of water running in the background. I was replaying in my head what I wanted to tell him, how I wanted to say it, trying to anticipate his replies and reactions. The problem was that the imaginary Matt in my head always responded differently each time. As much as I knew Matt, he was, by nature, unpredictable. So trying to foresee his behaviour was close to impossible. Already a dozen possible scenarios were buzzing around my brain, each more baffling than the last...

I worked myself up so much so that when he opened the bathroom's door again I didn't even noticed. I was completely lost to my thoughts and was almost biting my nails.

I suddenly heard the distinctive squeaky sound of a towel being rubbed against a foggy mirror and it brought my attention back to the present. A heavy sigh escaped my lips and I forced my fingers away from my mouth. There was no need to get so anxious... _Why_ was I that anxious? I wasn't sure. And it wasn't just nervousness, but also...guilt.

I propped myself up on my elbows and cast a look across the corridor. The bathroom's door was ajar and from what I could glimpse, Matt was topless again and currently shaving himself. After another minute spent nibbling nervously at my bottom lip, I got to my feet and crossed the corridor. I leaned against the bathroom's threshold and pushed the door open with two fingers.

He peeked at me only once in the mirror but said nothing and kept on shaving without hurry.

"So..." I eventually started.

"So...?" he returned me on the same tone.

I shifted against the doorframe. "How are you enjoying your day so far?"

He snuck a glance at me again and a faint smile tilted his lips. "If you're talking about the fact that my friends bought me a freaking _car_ for my birthday...and the fact that tonight I'll be playing in the hypest nightclub of one of the best party cities in Europe... Then so far I'm enjoying it thoroughly," he answered, his smile turning radiant.

I couldn't help grinning back. First because it warmed my heart to see him like that and second because it reminded me that _I_, myself, would be playing at the Blue _fucking_ Spirit as well tonight. "Good," I happily replied.

Then we fell silent again. He shaved, I stood. And we remained so until I finally found the courage to say: "And what about my personal gift?"

He cocked a single brow at me, still through the mirror. "And that'd be...?"

I tittered nervously as if the answer was obvious but couldn't face him anymore. And so I fixed a dent in the wooden doorframe in front of me when I replied. "Well Jade of course."

He froze in my peripheral vision.

'_Uh-oh..._'

My eyes flickered to him on their own accord. He was staring incredulously at my reflection, his right hand holding his razor in mid air, utterly still.

I cleared my throat and started to withdraw into the corridor but I hadn't made it two steps forwards when he called me back.

"Howard."

Uh-oh _again_. I knew I was in trouble when he called me by my last name and when he used _that_ tone of voice. I shut my eyes and couldn't help grimacing, already regretting my words. Nevertheless I took a step back, leaned backwards, and cast a look in the bathroom with a clear, innocent 'yeeeees?' in my eyes.

I met his real eyes this time, not their reflection, since he'd turned his head to the side. And these two icy irises didn't look really happy. Crap, I had to fall on 'angry Matt'. All the indisputable replies and arguments I had elaborated disappeared in a cloud of smoke. I found myself unprepared and uneasy.

Matt pointed at the floor. "Come back in here. Now."

There was no arguing with that. I sighed but shuffled into room once again, thud my back against the wall near the door, folded my arms and stared at my feet.

For a long moment he said nothing, did nothing. Except watching me. That I could tell without having to look at him. When he moved again I didn't dare glance up. I heard water running in the sink again for a minute, until it stopped with a last gurgle coming from the plughole. Then Matt pulled on the towel that hung on the wall rack next to me, to pat dry his cheeks surely, before putting on his long-sleeved T-shirt.

And then he was still again. He'd finished what he'd been doing and now there was nothing that could justify any delay in talking to each other.

I forced myself to drag my gaze up to his face. His hands were leaning against the sink and he was looking down into the void.

'_Why does he look so resentful? I thought that was what he wanted..._'

"Listen-" I started. But he cut me off right away.

"No, you listen. What happened to: 'oh Matt, you've got to get over her'," he said bitingly, his tone of voice changing subtly sanctimonious when he quote me. "'She's never going to leave her boyfriend,'" he went on, "'you've got to let her go', et cetera, et cetera..."

The bitterness in his voice hit me hard, and that was it. All of a sudden I knew _exactly_ why he was angry and why I felt guilty.

I unfolded my arms. "Look, I'm really sorry..." I tried to apologize further but he interrupted me again.

"And what about all the innuendos about her and Jack, when you kept reminding me that she wasn't free?"

"Matt..."

"Do you _really_ think that you made me a favour? On the contrary, now I know that Jade was with me today not because she wanted to, but because you told her to!"

"Will you just _shut up_ and let me speak? !" I exclaimed as I pushed myself away from the wall.

My words rang in the room, loud enough to silence him. He huffed through his nose but turned and leaned his butt against the edge of the sink this time, waiting for me to talk, with an unmistakeable look of irritation on his face.

I took a deep breath and tried to marshal my thoughts. "Look, I can't say that what I did at the time was a stupid thing," I engaged, trying for a reasonable tone of voice. "It was the right thing to do," I kept going, sounding more confident than I felt. "The problem is that when I told you that... I was implying that it was _possible_ for you to let her go. And...well, apparently it's not."

He now looked more tired than angry as he dragged a hand over his face. "What are you saying?" he sighed.

Damn, how could I make him understand? I wracked my brain for a way to explain exactly what I meant and how I felt about all this...

When I finally spoke again, I'd started pacing around the small room without realising it. "It's like... Like, you're in some sort of dangerous arena... Like you've been in it for two years..." If I'd glanced at the dubious look on his face right in that instant, I would have nipped my little metaphor in the bud immediately. But I hadn't, so I went on. "And I feel as if I've confiscated all your weapons, kicked your butt, and said 'now find the exit and get out'. The trouble is, you never found your way out of it. And I think you never truly _wanted _to find it..."

'_Christ, what have I gotten myself into..._'

I fumbled for my next words. "And... And... I feel guilty about what I've done," I admited. "I can't stand to see you struggle helplessly any longer. I want to _help_ you. I want to make up for the ill advices I gave you... I want to give you back some means of defence."

When I finished my sentence I was standing next to the bathtub, staring at the white tiles on the wall, my hands on my hips. I exhaled and turned my head slightly to the side to cast a look at him.

He definitely didn't seem angry anymore. Nor tired. I couldn't say if it really was forgiveness glistening in his eyes, but it was something close to it. It felt like he was sizing me up in fact, seeing me with new eyes.

"In short," I resumed, "I think I've accepted the fact that you're convinced she's the love of your life," he opened his mouth to reply to the word 'love', but I didn't give him enough time to do so, "therefore I'm gonna give you a shot with her, and then you'll be able to move on, with or without her."

I held my breath and waited for an answer. His eyes had grown distant as if he was pondering it all.

In the background, I heard the doorbell rang. A couple of seconds later, Tom greeted our first guests. They were four or five maybe, some voices I recognised, some I didn't. I moved over to the bathroom door and closed it, our guests would have to wait a sec. When I turned around and slumped my back against the door I realised that Matt was gazing at me again.

"I liked the image," he said on a neutral tone.

"Thanks, I'm proud of it."

Another silent minute passed between us before he broke it.

"What do you mean, you're gonna give me a 'shot' with her?" he wondered, curiosity laced in his voice.

"Well I already have, in a way. I gave you half a day alone with her... Now it's up to you to continue along the same lines."

"But what about _him_?" he asked, his features clouding at the mention.

I knew who he meant, he didn't need to clarify it. "Don't worry about that. You're still free of him for a few hours."

He frowned. "How do you know that?"

"I just know it," I stated. "Don't look at me like that," I added when his unconvinced frown turned suspicious. "I didn't bury his corpse in someone's back garden... Just trust me for once."

"Okay," he sighed, dropping it. Then he started to draw imaginary lines and patterns against the cold porcelain of the sink with his forefinger. "But what would you have me do?"

The doorbell rang again.

"Oh come on, Matt! Since when do I have to give you lessons about how to pick up a girl?"

"But she's not like other girls!" he exclaimed, stilling his finger and shifting his blue eyes to mine.

"Why? Because she's in a relationship?"

"No!" he snapped, his face scrunching in annoyance again.

"Then why?"

He huffed and left the sink alone in order to sit on the edge of the tub. "You wouldn't understand," he grumbled. "You've never been... You've never been in..."

"In love?"

Again, that word seemed to trouble him.

"In...my situation."

It suddenly occured to me that he might have never said it out loud. Despite how obvious it was, he'd never said 'I love her'. Not to me at least; not in those words. And if he hadn't told me, then who else? I couldn't believe that he might still be kidding himself into thinking it wasn't love. As if it was just some sort of huge crush...

I didn't try to push him further though, there were more pressing matters to attend to. Now wasn't really the best time to have a rant at him about expressing one's feelings and all that jazz. Or maybe it was... No, even if that was a big string to pull, it'd have to wait a bit.

"I think you should just be yourself," I told him, joining him on the tub's edge. "I mean, your _real_ self. You have to try and see her only as a girl," I said.

'_And not _the_ girl..._'

"'Cause it won't sort itself out you know," I remarked. "How did it go so far?" I added when he remained silent.

"It was...awkward at first," he answered, keeping his eyes fixed on his hands. "Then the tension loosened up a bit. Thanks to her, mainly." Then, out of the blue, a quiet ironic chuckle escaped his lips. "But I supposed it was _you_ who told her to try and put me at ease. So what value does it have..."

"Hey, you can be angry at me as much as you want for pushing her into this without asking you first. I know it cheeses you off when I do things behind your back, to say the least. But when I saw you two by the coffee shop earlier..." my voice trailed off as the memory sprang to the front of my mind. Nearly holding hands... Exchanging smiles of complicity... And that puzzling bouquet.

"Yes?" he asked impatiently after a moment.

It nudged me back to reality. I took a few seconds to really examine his face. Behind the residual annoyance and resentfulness he felt, I could see how much he trusted me, how much he counted on me and how he was hanging on my every word. I had to be careful.

"Matt, if I'm telling you all this right now... It's because I really think you stand a chance. I'm rooting for you and her."

His eyes lit up when I said that, but he waited for me to continue.

"I mean, it is so patent I don't understand why none of her friends- none of her _girl_friends- haven't told her anything about it yet," I went on. "Surely you must have felt it, how she changes, how happy she is when she's by your side..."

His gaze faltered. "I don't know," he muttered. "I can never be sure with Jade. It's always one minute yes, and then no, then yes, then no... And it just makes me come back for more. I love it. God, I'm such a masochist," he said with wide eyes as if the realisation only just hit him.

I chuckled breathlessly. "That you are..."

And he gave me a sad smile in return. "What can I say? She's my kryptonite."

I hummed in agreement, suddenly glad not to be infatuated with anyone. It was just far too convoluted a feeling for me.

Suddenly the noise coming from the living room considerably increased in volume as the sound of new people greeting each other drifted into the bathroom.

Matt gazed at the door. "I should probably go out there..."

"Yep," I confirmed, standing up.

He lazily got to his feet as well and stepped closer to the door. At the same time, music started playing in the apartment. Not too loud, so that people could still chat comfortably without having to raise their voice. He turned the doorknob but then stopped and seemed to hesitate. He spoke before I could ask him what was wrong.

"Thank you."

His tone puzzled me. It had sounded so...serious in a way. There had been much more meaning in these two words than when he'd thanked me earlier, in front of the others.

"For what exactly?" I asked, unable to keep the uncertainty out of my voice.

He shrugged slightly and then let the door swing open. "For giving me the best day of my life," he said to me over his shoulder as he headed into the living room, leaving me planted on the spot.

I stared dumbfounded after him; he had me in stitches. The best day of his life? Had I really achieved that? And how could he be sure anyway? The day was still young...

Some girl I'd already met once or twice- one of Lise's chum- wandered through the corridor and asked me if she could use the bathroom.

"Um, yeah, sure," I vaguely answered before going after Matt.

My fear that this apartment would be deserted happened to be unfounded. The main room had filled up quite a bit. I tried to find the glass I'd used when I'd been almost choking to death because of Tom, but I couldn't dig it out. So I just sauntered over to the tables and took a new one as my eyes darted around the room.

Matt was talking with a small group of people; he was playing his role of host well enough but I knew that what he wanted above all else was to sail off to the other flat. And at some point- rather rapidly in fact- he effectively managed to wear away. But I hadn't really let him out of my sight all this time and I followed him through the front door, which we left open, since more people would surely come and go.

"Coming along?" he rushed while he hopped down the stairs. Now that he didn't have to behave himself in front of his guests, he was a real a bunble of nerves, bouncing down the steps.

"Yes," I said, trying to catch up with him. "And I wanted to ask you-"

"What?"

"What's with the roses?"

He halted in his tracks then and mysteriously smiled to himself. "Oh. That."

**END OF THE SECOND PART**

* * *

**Yep, end of the second part. We passed some major point here. But there won't be any leap in time.**

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

title: 'Thank You' - Dido + 'Hey Jude' - The Beatles


	52. There's something about the chase

**PART III: ABSOLUTION**

**KRYPTONITE (1) There's something about the chase  
**

*MATT'S P.O.V*

I recounted the outline of my day as quickly as I could whilst Dom and I trotted down the street. He didn't interrupt me at all but, weirdly enough, he seemed to react to details I thought weren't of any importance and instead didn't respond in any way to the parts that, according to me, were crucial. Except when I told him about the little kiss in the music store.

"I just couldn't have dreamt of a better mean of pressure," I told him as we entered the hallway. "I knew she couldn't have resisted it," I went on, dropping my voice to a confidential tone, now that we coud hear music and the rumble of people's voice drifting down from the apartment. "Dom, if you'd seen the smile on her face when I gave it to her..." I sounded swollen with pride even to my own ears.

I glanced at him and noticed that even if he hadn't said anything and was looking ahead, his face was lit up by a knowing smile. "Okay, well done," he said, keeping his voice low too. "But right now, if you could just stop thinking about her for an instant and brace yourself-"

He didn't have enough time to warn me any further. And as I pushed the door open and snuck a puzzled look back at him, I was swept into the room as if there were some giant vacuum there sucking me in. Before I could even realise what was happening to me, my right eye suddenly became blind and I felt something being stuffed into my hair.

I blinked, trying to focuse my sight on whatever was standing in front of me with my remaining eye.

A replica of a Pulp Fiction's Uma Thurman was brightly smiling at me. Only she was shorter than the real one, and she had freckles.

"Charlenne? !"

Her smile turned even bigger, if that was possible, and she flicked the straight black hair of her wig. "Yeah it's me, but you can call me Miss Wallace for tonight!"

I looked behind her, at the mirror hanging on the lobby's wall. My 'blind eye' was in fact covered by a black eye-patch, and my hair was hidden under a tricorn hat.

"Charlenne!" I said again, but on a complaining tone this time. I swiftly cast my eyes around the room and understood that everyone in here was wearing some kind of disguise.

"What's wrong?" she asked, turning big puppy eyes and a worried frown on me. "I did it for you, I thought you loved dressing up..."

'_Not when I'm planning on being seductive!_'

The deflated look on her face disarmed me though. And I couldn't bring myself to protest any more. So I sighed and let it go. "'Kay..."

"You don't mind?" she brightened up, sounding hopeful.

"No, I don't, it's fine," I finally stated as I adjusted the eye-patch for comfort.

As soon as she got my approbation, Charlenne whirled on her heels, crouched, and rummaged about in some large cardboard box standing on the floor in a corner. I glimpsed a weird, halloween-like rubber mask and realised that it contained all sort of instant disguise kits. After a few seconds she sprang up to her feet again and started dressing Dom up with some sort of Mexican outfit.

"It's okay, I've got it," he said, taking the huge, overly colourful sombrero from her hands and shooing her away.

She didn't insist and just flashed a brillant smile at me before disappearing into the crowded living-room.

I glanced at Dom, who was currently trying to sooth the few wild strands of hair that were poking out from under his hat.

I chuckled mockingly. "You look ridiculous."

He grumbled and set his poncho better on his shoulders. "Speak for yourself! You can't get any tackier than the pirate set!" But then his pout transformed into his usual gigo-watt smile. "But, hey, what do we care? That's the whole point of disguise, right? Looking ridiculous and not giving a damn about it."

"How come we didn't have to dress up in the other apartment though?" I wondered.

"Because _I_ decide what we do in your apartment. This is Charlenne's territory. That's the only way we found not to bite the other's head off: divide the space we had in two."

Well that explained why there had been the whole discography of Nine Inch Nail playing out in my flat, from 'Deep' to 'Closer'. Here the vibes were more pop than metal.

I faced the main room and then maneuvered myself through the huddle. My eyes scanned the different groups of people, trying to sort out who was who. The difficulty of the task varied from one person to another, depending on the extent of their disguise. And the fact that the lightening in the room was subdued wasn't helping. That dim light and Lady Gaga's voice filling the air- a little bit too loud for our neighbours I was sure- told me Charlenne was eager to go to the Blue Spirit. She was already plunging us into an 'almost nightclub' atmosphere.

At some point I met eyes with some blond girl I thought could be Jade but I quickly realised she was in fact the new waitress from Harry's bar, opposite the street. Dom was most likely the one who had invited her, giving her bra cup size... The said blond girl, who was dressed as a butterfly I think, shot me a cute smile and I smiled back. On any other night I would have gladly gone to her, but not this night. This night I was aiming for a jewel of greater price. No offence to the girl.

As I was twisting my neck around, looking back at her, I bumped into someone and it snapped me back to the present. I apologized and found myself face to face with a...with a what actually? I knew it was Alex under there, but I wasn't sure about his disguise.

"Hum, are you some kind of legionnaire?" I asked, eying his red and golden toga. "Or a roman philosopher perhaps?"

He looked at me curiously for a second and then beamed at me when he recognised me. "Hey there, MarmiteHater!" he exclaimed happily. A little bit _too_ happily actually. I glanced at his almost-empty glass and wondered how many he'd had before this one. I mean, he _must_ have been drunk. Why else would he called me _MarmiteHater_? I raised my eyebrows a fraction and gave him a small smile.

"And I'm no legionnaire," he kept going, wrapping his right arm around my shoulders, "I'm much higher in the hierarchy since I'm Alexander the great!"

He proudly stuck out his chest and I tried to look impressed.

"Alexander the great? Isn't he the one who died agonizing at the age of 32?"

I glanced at the guy who'd said that, Andrew; I'd recognised his voice right away. He was the only person living in this building who was under thirty, apart from all the ones who inhabited this very apartment of course. I liked him, he was witty and was quick at repartee.

"Nooo, don't ruin my moment!" Alex whined.

Andrew laughed quietly but didn't answer him. Instead he turned to me and extended his hand. "Hey, Matt."

I shook his hand. "Hey."

"Happy birthday," he said, as it was expected of him.

That triggered a string of 'oh, happy birthday's all around me, and people passed the word around. 'Matt's the pirate.'

I suppressed a sigh and smiled.

'_Hurrah...thanks Andrew!_' I thought ironically.

I got a few: 'so what's it like to be twenty years old?' and then the wave of greetings and happy birthday wishings eventually petered out, 'specially when people started singing along the songs that were playing.

I seized the opportunity. "Uh, Alex?" I said, casting a look at a tipsy looking Alex, who was now partly leaning on me.

"Yes, Matthew," he answered, trying to sound serious but failing and we both giggled like idiots.

"You wouldn't happen to know where your sister is, would you?"

"Mmmmmm...my sisteeer..." he trailed off, twisting his gaze around, looking for her like I was. "Errr, no. Sorry, 'don't have a clue."

The corner of my mouth twitched in disappointment. "Do you know how she's dressed?"

He drained his glass and took his arm away from my shoulders. "Mmmh, yeah. She's..." he held back the rest of his sentence and mysteriously smiled at me. "Well, you'll see," he finally said. Then Lise came out of nowhere in a sexy catwoman suit and stepped into his arms. And by the way they snogged each other faces off, I knew I wouldn't get anything more from these two for the moment.

So I let them behind and headed for the tables where the food and the drinks were gathered. My eyes darted around the place again, hoping to be lucky and to catch sight of her. But I couldn't find her anywhere. I suddenly felt another rush of disappointment mixed with annoyance this time.

I picked up a paper plate and cut a piece of chocolate cake, all the while stewing over her absence.

'_If she's gone to the other flat while I was-_'

"Well, hello there, captain."

My head whipped around and when I saw her I almost dropped my plate.

Next to me stood a svelte, gorgeous blond beauty, wearing an evening dress that fitted her perfectly, as if it had been designed specifically for her. The low square neckline and the tight waist were accentuating her slim build, with just the right amount of attention to her curves to flatter without being vulgar. I liked the colours as well. The upper part of the dress was raven black and the bottom part, from the waistline to halfway down her thighs- where the dress stopped- was ruby red. Both colours were matt (no pun intended) since the dress was visibly made of a thick, high quality cotton.

"Youhou? Are you still with me?" the beauty asked me, waving her hand in front of my eyes.

I managed to rip my ravenous gaze away from her body only to stare at her face, in a daze again. She'd unbraided her hair and it was now freely cascading down her shoulders, golden and voluptuous. She was wearing a curved and elegant black mask; the fabric imitated lace and the dark colour was making her eyes stood out like bright green gems.

And, as if it wasn't enough already, her lips were perfectly drawn and just as red as her dress.

"Matt?"

"Uh..." This was the only thing I allowed out of my mouth. I couldn't take the risk to say more since my brain kept distractively chanting 'marry me!' in my head. I swallowed and eventually managed to get two words out, one at the time. "Nice...dress."

Obviously pleased by my remark, she smiled a warm, irresistible smile that enhanced her beauty so much, my mind dissolved into a muddle and I lost my ability to think altogether.

"Thank you! Charlenne bought it online but it's slightly too big for her. It fits me well though," she said, looking down her own body and turning around until she'd made a full circle, as if she was deliberately letting me look my fill.

I surprised myself when I spoke again. "To say that it fits you well is a euphemism." There. I'd said it.

"Thanks," she repeated, more shyly this time. Maybe because my eyes were openly devouring her right now. I mean, my one eye.

Her cheeks took on that rosy blush that I particularly loved and her own eyes looked down. She changed the subject. "Have you tasted it yet?" she asked, indicating my plate with a movement of her chin. "It's our cake."

I looked down at it, only now remembering that I was still holding it. "Oh, no, actually." With that said I picked up a napkin, took a bite, and the chocolate sweetly melted on my tongue. "It's good... It's _really_ good actually," I exclaimed. "Mmmm, we nailed it," I added with my mouth half full.

'_Finger-fucking-licking-good!_'

Jade smiled again and leaned the back of her thighs against the table, both hands on either side of her body, resting on the table's edge. If I hadn't known better I would have thought she was acting flirty. The problem was that she didn't even do this kind of thing on purpose.

"Well it was made with love."

I raised an eyebrow at her when she said that, wondering if I'd really heard that right. But from the troubled look on her face, as if she couldn't believe these words had just come out of her mouth, I could tell there'd been nothing wrong with my hearing.

Her cheeks burned red, and she seemed to be searching for something else to say. A small smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth and I took another bite, deliberatly pushing a remaining crumb between my lips with my thumb.

"Yes it was," I replied, wondering if anyone could really look sexy when wearing a fucking eye-patch...

Judging by the way her face grew even more scarlet, I wasn't doing so bad.

Her lips parted yet no words came out. But it was too late, and I couldn't help staring at her red mouth now, even though I knew it was embarrassing her even more.

The butterfly girl came over at this point. She muttered a small 'excuse-me' and leaned forwards between Jade and me, reaching out for a glass that was laid on the table. As if it was the only available glass in the whole damn apartment right now... I wondered if butterfly-girl'd been hanging round me all this time.

On the other side of the girl Jade smoothed her hair, using the distraction to regain some composure.

"Nice lipstick," I commented once butterfly-girl was done bothering us and started to ebb away.

'_Nice everything, in fact..._'

Jade jumped on the new topic as if it was a life saving buoy. "Yeah, I know right? It's Charlenne's as well. And it's not really a lipstick, it's some sort of ultra sustainable, unsmudgable lip gloss. Watch." She puckered her lips and pressed them against the champagne flute she'd been holding. It didn't make a mark.

Wait a second... Charlenne had given her the sexy dress. Charlenne had given her the unsmudgable- that meant _kiss-proof_- lipstick...  
or gloss, or whatever. And it was probably Charlenne too who'd changed Jade's nails' colour from green to red.

Was there some satin ribbon somewhere on her dress that I was supposed to pull as well? Or a card where 'here's your gift, happy birthday, Matt! Signed: Charlenne' was written? How much involved into this was she?

I didn't exactly know how long I'd been gazing silently at Jade, with a look of deep cogitation on my face, but it'd been long enough for her to start blushing again.

"Hum, anyways," she mumbled, taking a swig from her glass and keeping her eyes fixed straight in front of her, away from me. "So what's your pirate name? The Marmite Terror?"

That snapped me out of my reverie immediately. "What do you all have with Marmite tonight? !"

A small smile tilted her lips. "Ask him," she said, indicating Dom- who'd just wove his way to us through the living room- with her glass.

I was about to do just as she'd told me and ask Dom about that annoying Marmite obsession that had contaminated the air but he didn't give me enough time to do so.

He let out a short, appreciative whistle and curled an arm around her waist. "Woaw, the vamp is out tonight!" he exclaimed, grinning like a loon at her. "You're quite an eyeful sweetheart," he added, more seriously but still beaming.

Jade smiled back at Dom, so she wasn't looking at me, and when his eyes met mine I glared daggers at him. He understood right away and instantly drew his arm away from her. I let a small, satisfied smirk play on my lips and Jade frowned, glancing between the two of us.

"Er, so, Jade," Dom started, probably not wanting to let an awkward atmosphere settle in. "Where's Jack?"

God, I wanted to slap him, I really did. So much so that the palm of my hand itched.

_Why?_ Just _why the fuck_ had he had to mention Jack? He could have asked her about anything, 'what time is it?', 'why is the sky blue?', 'how can I be such a half-witted dick sometimes?', 'what colour is your bra tonight?', _anything_ really. But no, he'd just had to pronounce Jack's name. And now all she would be thinking about was her stupid boyfriend. And the fact that she had to be faithful to him.

But actually... Dom proved me once again that I'd underestimated him.

As soon as he'd said the words, Jade's face clouded with annoyance. "He's not here," she said sterly. "Apparently his..._friends_ at work are more important than Matt's birthday party."

I frowned in confusion and tried to read Dom's face.

"Aww, don't be angry at him, Jade..." he cooed. But the ghost of a smile on his face told me he had something to do with this. My pulse quickened slightly at the revelation.

'_No, Jade, whatever this is about: be angry, be angry, be angry..._'

"How can't I be angry, Dom?" she protested. "We've been planning this for so long! I understand that he couldn't participate in the preparations, I understand that perfectly. But the least he could do was to be here tonight! He'll miss the gig-" she stopped in mid-sentence and finished her drink. "I don't want to talk about it anymore," she stated with a heavy sigh. And, right on cue, Charlenne called her from somewhere across the living-room and Jade took off to join her.

As soon as she was out of hearing range I inched closer to Dom. "What did you do? !" I whispered.

He looked at me and breathed in to speak but then hesistated and held back.

"Dom!" I pleaded.

He seemed to decide something in his mind then and- after having cast a cautious glance around us- he grabbed my arm and steered me into a corner of the room.

"Did you know that tonight Jack had a presentation to do at his school? In front of some sort of a jury?" he asked me.

"Hum, yeah, it vaguely rings a bell. What about it?"

"He's been working on it for months, with a bunch of people. I think they are a group of four or five, something like that. Anyways, Jack's been pretty nervous about it for some time now and he's been talking about it a lot..."

I was beginning to feel impatient. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. And?"

"Well," a hint of self-satisfaction passed over his features, "it wasn't easy, but I kind of convinced Jack that he and his workmates should have a drink tonight. You know, to celebrate the work done. I persuaded him that it was more important than the party, all behind Jade's back of course."

It all clicked together in my mind and I could feel my lips curling into a broad smile. "Dom. You're wickedly smart. I adore you."

He returned my smile and seemed about to burst with pride. "I know. But be careful, I have no idea when he'll come back. From what I've gathered he's eating diner with them and then they'll have a drink, but it still doesn't give us a precise hour."

Yes, of course, he was right. I couldn't waste any time. But I would need to isolate myself with her if I wanted to make any progress and how could I do that when I was the center of attention in the room? Even now people were sneaking curious looks at Dom and me since we'd retreated into the corner. I would need some sort of distraction. Any kind of diversion would do...

My brain was running at full speed when Chris- with only a cowboy hat for a disguise- met my eyes in the crowdy room. He came closer, with the clear intention to talk to me and wore a weird expression on his face.

"Hey, Chris," Dom said when our three piece was complete. "What are you nervous about, big guy?"

Ah! So I wasn't being paranoid, Chris _did_ look agitated.

The 'big guy' cleared his throat before talking. "Hum, there's something I want to tell you two..."

"Yes?" Dom said gently, trying to encourage him.

"Er, it's a...something... I wanted to tell people tonight, but since this is your night, Matt... I don't know if it's the best time..." he trailed off.

'_Wait, is that Chris _blushing?'

Had I somehow entered the fourth dimension? Since when did Chris _blush_? In fact I knew only one thing in the world that could make his face flush: Kathy.

"It's about Kathy and me," he resumed, confirming my thoughts. "It's... She..."

"Come on, Chris, just spit it out," I pressed him. It wasn't as if I had all night...

"She's pregnant," he blurted. "And we're getting married."

I was dumbstruck.

Dom was dumbstruck.

Pregnant. Baby. Married. Chris. Baby.

The first thing that came to my mind was a stupidly gooey 'I'm gonna be an uncle!'. The second was more useful.

"Chris..." I breathed, "this is perfect!"

He stared a me, confused. "Er, what?"

I didn't take the time to answer him, I just snatched his glass and Dom's and I stepped fowards amongst the crowd.

Chris' hushed voice called me back behind me. "Matt, wait!"

But I ignored him and clinked the two glasses together a few times. "Hey, everybody! Listen up!"

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

JADE'S P.O.V.

When Matt finished his announcement the whole room fell silent except for the music still playing in the background. I flicked my eyes over to where Kathy was standing, afraid that Matt'd just made a terrible, clumsy mistake. It didn't feel like he should be the one to break such a news on us.

But Kathy didn't look like she wanted to dig herself a hole and pull in the dirt after her. She didn't look like she might die of shame or embarrassement. Sure she was blushing to the root of her hair but it seemed to me that she was trying to hold back the biggest of smile.

I witnessed the soundless exchange between Kathy and Chris. The apologetic look he gave her, the little shrug she returned him, and then the sunny smiles that lighted up both their faces.

I released the breath I'd been holding in a relieved sigh. All was well. Yes, it hadn't been Matt's place to tell the news but at least it seemed that the baby was wanted and the couple was happy.

Most people in the room had noticed the same things than me and it roused them out of their torpor. The whole place erupted in a cacophony of sound. Giggles, gasps, talking, whispering and even a few claps of applause.

Charlenne was the first to move; she shot straight forwards like an arrow and hugged Kathy with a happy: "I knew it! You seemed different..."

Half the people in the room followed her lead. So many little curious bees eager to gather juicy gossip from the newfound flower.

"Woah, this is the kind of night..." Alex mused outloud beside me.

I turned to him and he was all smiles when he laboriously finished his sentence. "The kind of night you can't forget! Aaaand it's only beginning!" he chirped.

I chuckled but seized his glasses. Yes, _glasses._ "Right, I think you've had enough."

"But don't you think it's sweeeet?" he gestured at Kathy.

I looked at her again, beautiful and glowing. "Yes, it is. The announcement was a bit abrupt but... Don't you dare break a news like that to me in that manner, like _ever_," I warned him. I'd go nuts if I discovered Lise was pregnant that way.

He suddenly began stuttering, his voice filled with embarrassment. "We-well, actually..."

I turned wide eyes and a slack jaw on him. No! I wasn't ready to be an aunt!

He tried to stay serious and pressed his lips together but soon a loud bark of laughter escaped his throat. I huffed and smacked him across the abs. "It's not funny!" I chided him.

He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, still guffawing. "Oh my God... You bought it...hook, line and sinker!"

I glowered at him but he kept squirming and snorting with laughter, until the smile slipped from his face as quickly as it'd come and he straightened up. "Huh, is it me...or is the room spinning?"

Lise had just joined our sides. "I think it's you, honey," she said, smiling gently at him and wrapping her arm around his. "Maybe you need some fresh air."

I watched them make their way to the front door, swallowing down my annoyance towards Alex and getting rid of his glasses. Then I closed the distance that separated me from the nearest window and filled my lungs. I needed some fresh air too, between Jack stooding me up, Matt eating cakes as if we were shooting a scene from 'Nine 1/2 Weeks' and my brother's _jokes_...

I breathed out slowly and distractedly gazed down at the street below, till I felt someone's stare on me. I glanced off to my left and locked eyes with Matt.

It wasn't the first time we'd done that today, and just like all the other times I felt my insides grow warm and my breathing quicken as I stared into his baby blues. He'd ditched his eye-patch and hat and he looked more handsome than ever, half-hidden into the shadows, across the room. He was dressed all in black tonight and I just loved that colour on him so much. The whole surprise-birthday-party seemed to have done him some good as well: he looked confident and alluring. Truly, he could have easily charmed the pants off a nun with a face like that.

Apparently I was the only one in the room paying attention to him, since all the others were either dancing, singing, drinking, or still prattling about Kathy's pregnancy.

They all faded into the background under the power of his gaze. After a minute or two of intense staring, he very purposely pushed himself away from the wall he'd been leaning against and walked across the living-room, heading for the front door behind me. Our eyes remained fixed on the other's until it became impossible for us to keep eye contact without my turning around.

I looked down at my hand, tightly closed around the wrought iron fence of the window. The message had been as clear as if he'd shouted 'follow me' across the room.

I didn't hesitate for long, I needed some time alone with him anyway.

I turned around and slipped out of the apartment. The staircase was empty. He could have only gone two ways: up or down. Which one would you have chosen?

Of _course_ I went up.

* * *

**Just so you can visualise Matt's outfit in your head: what I have in mind is close to what he's wearing in the 'Hyper Music' video clip.**

title: 'Kryptonite' - 3 Doors Down + 'You and I' - Lady Gaga

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	53. Beneath the milky twilight

Thanks a lot for all the reviews of the last chapter, and in particular MapofTime's and the couple of anonymous reviews. (And devonianmuser and museismymuse ^^) Every single review means a lot to me, you should know that.

By the way, did somebody say 'cliffhanger'?

* * *

**KRYPTONITE (2) Beneath the milky twilight**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

After I'd pushed open the fire exit door, I took some time to admire the view I had, up there, on the building's roof, empty but for my presence.

The sun was setting and was only reduced to a fire crescent sinking into the skyline. It was giving the sky a distinctive ambient light which colours and intensity were gorgeous and soothing. The upper part of the sky had taken on a purple undertone whereas the lower part, nearer to the sun, was displaying the most beautiful gradation of warm colours, striped with patches of liquid gold, vermilion, crimson, pink, orange...

I'd always likened sunsets with the quieting down of a symphony. I could almost hear it in my mind, a final high violin solo creating a soft crescendo until it hit a long...E, as the sun disappeared. I felt a deep calm and peace filling me and I sighed. Perhaps one day I'd compose something like that.

With an effort, I abstracted myself from this cosmic show. I turned to my left and walked over the gravel, along one of the four walls which separate the wide, flat surface of the roof from the closed staircase.

Since the gravel wasn't extremely comfortable, we'd disposed some large cushions- that had once been parts and parcels of an old sofa- on the ground and against the wall and we used them as a makeshift floor seating whenever we came up on the roof. That was one of the things that'd used to make me regret having chosen to live in the other flat: the large, quiet rooftop. We didn't have that on our building.

I'd just sat down on one of the cushion when I heard the staircase door open again, off to my right. I smiled to myself but didn't look in her direction and instead took a gulp of Champagne; I'd discretely nabbed a bottle before leaving the apartment. I listened to her footsteps on the gravel and soon two pretty legs strutted up into my field of vision and a shadow fell across my face. I glanced up at her face as her frame shielded mine from the bright light. She'd taken off her mask and it was now dangling from her fingertips.

She gestured at the cushion next to mine. "May I?"

I smiled again and looked down. "Why do you even ask?"

"Well, I wouldn't want to pop your personal bubble or something," she said as she kneeled on the cushion.

I didn't answer but cast a sidelong look at her while she settled down at my left and squinted into the horizon. The sun had set but the crepuscular light was still strong enough to bathe her in an amber halo. She looked as if she was on fire from within. The sun lived on in the lining of her skin and between the strands of her hair. That golden haze matched with her green eyes and her ruby lips to the point of perfection. The harmony of the colours on her face was flawless; she was a vision. Mind-blowing. Breathtaking.

"What a sight..." she commented, gazing in front of her.

"I couldn't agree more," I murmured in return, bewitched.

She turned to look at me and I smiled nervously. I could feel heat creeping into my cheeks. For once I was the one blushing, but there was no way she could notice that in that light. Or at least...I hoped so.

"Hum, do you- do you want some?" I stuttered, holding out the Champagne bottle.

She shot it a dubious look. "Do you have a glass?"

"No. Is that a problem?"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Drinking Champagne directly from the bottle? Seriously?"

I shrugged. "It's not illegal, is it?"

"No... But it's not really glamorous either."

I rolled my eyes. "You could have just said 'no, thank you' you know," I retorted as I started to pull the bottle away.

But she snatched it before it was out of her reach. "Fine," she said, half-smiling. She took a swig from the bottle but she'd tilted it too quickly. The Champagne began to foam and bubble and she coughed. She grimaced and managed to swallow down the most part but she brought her hand to her mouth and coughed again.

I giggled and took the bottle back when she blindly handed it to me. "If you were trying to prove me that it's not glamorous, it worked," I remarked.

If it had been Dom, I would have been given the finger. But Jade confined herself to glare at me. I smirked and took a swig myself without encountering any problem.

"Show off," she grumbled.

I almost spat out my mouthful of Champagne when I heard that, but I succeeded in controlling my laughter. I still smiled and cleared my throat afterwards.

She was looking ahead again and she shifted on the cushion, trying to get as comfortable as she could. I unintentionally glanced at her legs, noticing how the hem of her dress had slid up her thighs slightly now that she was sitting. My eyes trailed down her legs towards her feet. The black-and-red style had been pushed to its limits since she was wearing black patten leather sandals, and red nail polish on her toes as well. Was she just getting sexier by the minute? She surely was a perfectionist. Or, more accurately, _Charlenne_ was a perfectionist. And as efficient as a whole array of makeup artists, hairdressers and designers united.

I eventually tore my eyes away from her legs and instead looked down at my fingers picking at the golden aluminium foil wrapped around the Champagne bottle's neck. I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest. Why couldn't I just sit next to her without having my whole nervous system going haywire...

"So, Chris and Kathy?" she suddenly said beside me.

I looked up again. "Yeah, tell me about it. Chris and Kathy... I think I still haven't entirely digested it. Chris becoming a dad... I'm gonna need some time to fully get my head around that."

"Yet, you didn't hesitate to step in front of everyone and blare out the news."

I frowned slightly. "Do I hear reproach?"

She shrugged but didn't look at me in the eye. "Well apparently they didn't mind you sounding the bugle in their stead... If I'd been in Kathy's shoes, I'm not sure I would have reacted so cooly though."

"For your information, Chris told me he didn't dare announce it tonight only because it's my birthday party and he didn't want to steal the spotlight," I replied. "So, as a matter of fact, I did them a favour."

"Oh," she stated, suddely sounding embarrassed for having accused me. "Hum, in that case, I suppose it's okay..."

"And besides, it enabled us to have some quiet time alone here..." I cautiously added, on the lookout for her reaction.

"Yeaaaah, hum," she drawled as if she was uneasy. "Actually, I came here because there's something I must give you..."

I observed her curiously as she battled for more words, but when she couldn't find any way to finish her sentence she just held her left hand out in a ball in front of me. Puzzled, I stared at it without understanding what she was expecting of me. I didn't move and after a few seconds she grabbed my left wrist with her other hand and brought it under her fist. Then she dropped something into my hand.

"It's, hum, from Charlenne, Alex, Lise, Emily and myself," she informed me while I brought the object closer to my eyes so that I could examine it. It was a silver chain necklace; a succession of small and solid lined up cylinders, heavy, smooth, and glistening in the reddish light.

I looked at her.

She was gazing at the necklace in my hands and twirling a strand of her hair around her right index finger nervously. "Er, Charlenne and I chose it together but uh... I mean, it's- well, I- I hope you like it..."

I put an end to her restless jabbering. "I love it."

She let out a relieved sigh. "Good..." she said, chuckling.

"Why in hell did you think I wouldn't like it?"

"Oh, no, no, I thought you'd like it. I wouldn't have chosen this one otherwise- I mean, _we_ wouldn't have chosen this one. But, you know, we couldn't be one hundred percent sure..."

"Well, I love it," I repeated, cliping the necklace around my neck. Then I rolled it between my thumb and forefinger, knowing it was going to become a habbit.

She was smiling while she admired it. "It looks a lot better on you than on me!" she commented.

"You tried it on?" I asked, sounding rather pleased.

She nodded. "Yes, you know, to check if it wasn't too heavy or something."

I smiled, feeling incredibly happy about that information. The fact that she'd worn it around her neck, as briefly as it might have been, had suddenly brought the necklace's value to a whole new dimension. I shifted closer to her, so much so that our sides were touching. I pecked her cheek and her hair tickled my forehead while I did so. Now we were even.

"Thank you," I softly said, keeping my face close to hers.

She smelt so good. I hadn't had enough time to really breathe in her perfume but I suddenly saw myself standing on the beach again, near Chris' house in Camburg, with her in my arms. The smells...they take you right back in time, don't they?

Her eyes widened but she didn't make any attempt to move away just yet. "It- it's nothing. You're welcome," she stuttered as an answer, looking down and pushing a tendril of hair that hung over her eyes back, tucking it around her ear.

I kept on gazing at her face, feeling the heat of her bare arm warming up my own skin through the fabric of my top. I was fighting off the urge to lean closer and kiss her again when she called my attention to something else.

"Oh, look!" she said, still staring down.

My eyes followed her gaze to the back of her right hand where a little oval spot was moving.

Wait, _moving?_

I frowned and looked more closely, now discerning several tiny black disks on a shiny red shell.

"A ladybird!" I exclaimed. "That's good luck," I stated, repeating the sentence that gran had told me a hundred times.

"You think?" she asked, turning a happy smile on me.

"Mmm-hmm," I hummed affirmatively, smiling back.

She uttered a small surprised sound when the ladybird- as if disturbed by the sound of our voices- flew off from the back of her hand only to land on her cleavage.

...

'_That awkward moment when you want to be a bug._'

"Hey, where're you going?" Jade asked the ladybird with a giggle. She put her forefinger against her skin, directly on the path of the little red beetle and it compliantly climbed onto her figertip. "Here, give me your hand," she said.

I laid down the Champagne bottle on the gravel beside me and turned my right hand palm up without question. She lightly pressed her finger into the center of my palm until the ladybird continued its course on my skin. Then she pulled her hand away.

"It looks so tiny in your hand..." she absently remarked. "What the heck is it doing here by the way?" she wondered.

I shrugged lightly, trying not to scare the bug away, in case I could suck any luck out of it. What? You never know... "We have parks in London," I answered.

"Yes, but what is it doing _here_, on our rooftop?"

I turned to her and smirked. "Can't you guess? It saw you, dressed like that, and thought you were a fellow companion..."

"Pfff! Bullshit!" she replied, pushing me a bit with her shoulder but smiling.

"No, I'm sure it's true," I insisted, relishing the feel of her pressing into me. "In fact, it's probably a male ladybird and this is its courtship display towards you!"

She laughed. "Gee, Matt... Where do you always get these kinds of things from?"

Right on cue, the ladybird left my hand and settled down on hers again.

"You see!" I giggled. "It definitely's got a thing for you."

'_Even, ladybirds can't resist her... Do you see little bug? Do you see what I have to put up with, every single day? It's not my fault I can't shake her out of my heart..._'

Jade brought her hand at the level of her eyes. "Well, sorry little ladybird, but you've got some serious competition up here..."

My heart jumped in my chest when I realised she was talking about me. She could have told the bug 'sorry, but I'm taken' but it wasn't what she'd said...

The tiny beetle took off once again but this time it disappeared in the air. Jade seemed slighlty saddened.

"I think I've hurt its feelings," she pondered out loud, as she peered into the sky, looking for it.

"It'll get over it," I assured her, gazing at her profile.

Twilight had segued into dusk and now the surface of the Earth was neither completely lit nor completely dark. The light had turned more bluish and it softly illuminated the beautiful lines of her face.

"You know, I can't remember any of the constellations' names you taught me," she said out of the blue after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

I looked up at the sky myself. High above gleamed a few wandering stars, furtive night-time jewels in the blue mantle of the heavens.

"We can't really see them clearly here," I sighed. "It's not like it was in our gardens in Camburg-"

"Do you really think there are aliens somewhere up there?" she interrupted me.

"I _know_ there are aliens somewhere up there," I answered earnestly.

She turned to look at me and I did the same. Her lips looked purple now. But, strangely, her eyes had remained the same colour. As if they were lit up by their own internal light.

"But how can you be _sure?_" she asked.

"Well think about it, Jade," I said, glancing up again. "Think of the diversity of life on our planet. Our planet is just a tiny blue gem of life orbitting a middle-aged red dwarf. Our sun is one single speck of light in a galaxy filled with billions of stars, most with planets." I knew I was racing through each word now, but I was just to caught up in the subject, I was pouring the restless swirling of my mind into my words. "Our galaxy is one of trillions in the known universe. We rate the possible existence of life on what we observe, but life elsewhere could be so different from what we think is normal. We are not alone. We have never been alone."

She blinked a few times and then cast a look into the universe. "Woah... Said like that...it does sound evident," she breathed, looking awed and a bit worried.

But her words didn't really reach my brain. For right now, I was having sort of an epiphany.

"What is it?" she inquired after a minute, when she realised I'd been staring at her.

I tried to express myself as best as I could.

"Do you realise... Do you grasp the extent of our _tininess?_ We're nothing compared to the immensity of the universe. It's so huge and vast that it is impossible to imagine. And our lives are as flitting as a heartbeat if you place them on the scale of geological times."

She was drinking my every word. "What are you trying to say, Matt?"

I swallowed, mustered some courage, and nudged my left hand next to her right wrist. She darted a glance at it before looking back at me again. I slipped my hand into her palm and she didn't pull away as I stroked her fingers with mine.

"I'm saying that every second counts," I softly answered. "In less than an hour, we'll be gone from this place and what we'll have left of this moment will be a memory. And it'll be carved in time and space; it'll be immutable. But for now, it's not written yet. We can change it. We can shape it. We can _decide_ what memory it'll left."

She kept her gaze fixed on my face and took some time to answer. "And what kind of memory do you want to shape?" she finally whispered, her breath fanning against my face.

"I..." The rest died in my mouth, choked off by the lump in my throat. My heart was pounding madly in my chest again, a familiar warmth rushed through me, and my skin tingled all over.

All of this felt so surreal, so perfect. I'd dreamt of an opportunity like this one for _months_. I could almost feel the air stir between us. She was so beautiful, so sensual, so close... I realised I would never have a chance like this again. Not ever. I _knew_ it, deep in my core. It was now or never.

"Oh, fuck it," I breathed.

I reached for her left shoulder with my left hand and wrapped my other hand around her right elbow. Then I pulled her towards me, twirled her around and leaned her backwards so that she lay cradled in my arms, facing up. I had bent my legs up at the same time and it resulted in her being ensconced between my knees and my chest. She hadn't offered any resistance to the movement but even so, before she could utter a single word of prostest- nor any other word for that matter- I dipped down, and claimed her mouth with mine.

* * *

title: 'Kryptonite' - 3 Doors Down + 'Kiss Me' - Sixpence None The Richer

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	54. Tasting the air you're breathing in

Surprise! ^^

And thanks to MyIndulgence1 for the review :)

I know you all loved the last chapter because it was sweet and everything...but let me just warn you, the rest of the story isn't going to be a bed of roses just yet. And since apparently the next chapter was perfect...it's gonna be hard to do better lol. No pressure at all! lol

Also, of course I love it when someone says that this story is awesome, amazing, etc... :D But if there happens to be something that you _don't_ like don't hesitate to mention it. And if there's is something that you _particularly _like, then feel free to specify ^^ Because if I'm writing this story for my own pleasure in the first place, I'm also writing it for you. So I try to take what you say into consideration.

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**KRYPTONITE (3/3) Tasting the air you're breathing in**

Kissing her was like being hit by lightening. A living electric current shot through the whole of me, so powerful that I pulled away almost instantly and my lips only touched hers for a second. It had been unintentional, but the sensation'd been like nothing I'd ever experienced before and I felt as shaken as if she'd tased me.

While I still held her with my right arm, I brought my left hand to my face and slightly shook my head. My mind was buzzing and my heart was running on overdrive. I suddenly felt light-headed and realised that my lungs had seized up. So I forced myself to breathe out.

Then the haze cleared a little, and I looked at her. She seemed stunned as well. Her lips were slightly parted and I could tell she was struggling to find her breath back, just like I had an instant before. In the tangle of our bodies I'd lost track of her left hand. But the other one I could see; and it was clenched tightly into my top. To pull me away? To pull me closer? Or was it just a reflex?

And what about after the initial shock? How was she going to react when she came to her senses again? Would she be angry? Would she reject me?

'_Come_ on, _Matt!_ _Less worrying, more kissing!_'

I wanted to lean closer again, but my body didn't seem to cooperate. My stomach felt like fire and ice, the feeling had spread through my entire body and all my muscles were taunt. I tried to will them to loosen but to no avail. So, unable to move, I resolved to wait for her- and for myself- to recover and to take it from there, whatever her reaction.

I noticed a peculiar detail at that moment. How her hair, which was partly spread out over my right forearm, felt dense and heavy. It'd looked so vaporous and light earlier, I hadn't expected it to be so full and thick. I gazed at the soft locks of hair caressing my skin right now, so silky they reflected the newborn moonlight, subconsciously trying really hard to focuse my attention on something, on _anything_ else than her features, in the fear of reading my imminent rejection in them.

But all a of sudden I felt her fingers trail up my neck and my eyes flickered back to her face. And she looked... I couldn't think of any other word than _fascinated_.

The breath caught in my throat as I watched her gaze at my face with adoration, lightly touching it with the pads of her fingers as if she was afraid it would break.

She wasn't rejecting me. She wasn't rejecting me _at all_. Could it be possible? Jade staring at me with desire in her eyes without freaking out at her own feelings? The wealth of emotions that spilled forth from her feather like touch was overwhelming, my pulse quickened even more and I felt dizzy again. It was a good thing I was already sitting on the ground.

Her vivid green eyes, glistening with longing, eventually met mine. Her irises sucked me in and I would gladly have stared into them for ever, as mushy as it might sound. Drifting away for eternity in this emerald sea, forgetting about the ouside world. It didn't sound so bad...

My left hand went to her cheek of its own motion. I traced the outline of her jaw and then stroked my way down to her neck and chest, enjoying the satin feel of her skin. Truly she was like softness turned into a woman. Everything about her was smooth as sin. I didn't know if it was a trait shared by all natural blondes, or if it was a Jade-patented exclusivity...anyways, it was very pleasant.

Her own hand moved around to the back of my neck, making the hair on my nape stir, and she pulled me in. This time I didn't hesitate, the magic of her obviously wanting me as well got my body into motion again.

I bent down with half-closed eyes and lightly brushed my lips against hers, tasting the air she was breathing in. My nose rubbed against the skin of her cheek and her scent filled my lungs.

Wheat and wild roses. Exactly how I remembered.

Then I pressed my mouth against hers again. Just lightly at first, I took my time, planting soft kisses on her top and bottom lip, discovering their texture, their feel, their fineness, while she did the same with mine. Hers were supple yet firm, warm and velvety. Perfect. And each touch sent little jolts of electricity through me.

Then my eyes slid completely shut and we eased into a longer, heavier kiss. I tried to pull her even closer to me than she already was, and in response she snuck her left hand around my neck as well while the other flowed through my hair. Our bodies molded together in a searing embrace.

Heat suffused my body, creeping into my bones until they all felt like so many incandescent iron bars buried deep in my flesh. She just had a way of _moving_ her lips against mine that was...just...so... Shit, I was going to melt on the spot if it kept going...

Lust was making me bold and I ran my hand down her side. This time my touch wasn't light at all, on the contrary I put as much pressure in it as I dared and it seemed to me that she was raising her stomach towards my hand. I let it travel further down and she pulled away just an inch with a sucked-in breath when it skimmed over her bare thigh.

As soon as she parted her lips under mine, I knew I wanted more. I tugged her bottom lip into my mouth, sucking gently and gliding my tongue across it, before letting it slowly slid out. Her taste spread in my mouth and I kept my lips only a hair's breadth away from hers while I savoured it.

The closest thing I could compare it to was Sidr honey. But even that didn't do her justice enough. There was something more to it, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it... In all cases, the resulting taste was sweet beyond description. And strong. And unique. And exceedingly addictive.

The softest of sound escaped her throat when she felt my tongue on her lip, her hand curled in my hair, and a sharp stab of desire pooled low in my belly at her reaction. I took my hand off of her thigh, my fingers instinctively closed around her jaw, and I hungrily sealed my lips to hers again, determined to open her mouth with my own this time.

But before I could deepen the kiss we were sharply interrupted by some high peals of laughter which sounded from the staircase behind me.

My head snapped up and I almost snarled. I wished, with every fiber of my being, for the gates of Hell to open and swallow up the owners of those voices. I wanted them to disappear off the face of the planet before they drew nearer.

It wasn't that I worried about getting caught with her, that kind of thought was far too practical and down to earth for me right now. No, I was in quite another sort of mood.

Right now, my mood was murderous. I was an untamed wildcat which felt this raw animal instinct to protect and guard its mate against any other creature. I would have torn apart any rival or threat.

Jade seemed totally oblivious to the intruders' approach at first. She shifted into our embrace and snuggled her face into the crook of my neck, like a baby bird seeking warmth from its mother. I felt an immense sense of satisfaction having her writhing in my arms in frustration only because I'd withdrawn a few inches back.

My arms were wrapped around her possessively, holding her close while she kept kissing my neck. I shut my eyes and almost shuddered in delight, but the sound of chatting drifting towards us was getting louder and I started to worry for real.

I knew she'd heard them when she stopped chasing after my mouth for another kiss. She turned to stone and I could tell she was listening hard.

I opened my eyes again. "Jade," I murmured, trying to anticipate her reaction.

But then the rattling sound of feet climbing metal steps- the last flight of stairs leading to the rooftop- reached our ears and this time when she gasped and started wiggling, it was to get away, not to get closer. The sensual fog we'd wrapped ourselves in was brutally whisked away by the iciest of wind.

My arms reflexively tightened around her. "Wait."

There had been this slightly commanding tone in my voice, but she wasn't in a state of mind where she would listen to me right now. She kept on struggling and I let her go. What would it look like to outside observers? A guy restraining a girl... They wouldn't know that not a minute ago _she_'d been the one clinging to _me_.

But I probably wouldn't have been able to hold her in place even if I'd wanted to. I could feel myself grow weak. And when she disentangled herself from my lap, clumsily scrambled to her feet and took a few steps back, it was as if she was spiriting my vital force away from me. It wasn't sadness that I felt. Nor fear or pain. It really was just a sensation of great energy loss. Perhaps it was just the aftereffects of the burning consumption we'd just been engaged in... I closed my eyes and tried to gather my senses.

My eyes popped open again at the sound of the rooftop's heavy metal door grinding, closely followed by footsteps on the gravel floor. I cast a look to my right and saw two figures saunter over to the rooftop's edge. A couple, chatting quietly and holding hands. The girl giggled again and they seemed to be completely unaware of our presence. They'd walked straight to the roof's edge, perpendicularly to the wall I was still leaning against, and there was no reason for them to have seen us. They'd probably come here for a romantic session, thinking they'd be alone.

I shifted my gaze up to Jade's face, hopeful. Maybe now that she knew no one had caught us making out she wouldn't be mad. But she seemed pretty occupied right now. She had put her black mask back on and was smoothing her dress and combing her fingers through her blond strands. Her motions were jerky and nervous but I wasn't able to get a good look at her face to check her mood, because of the mask of course but also because she kept moving. Besides, a soft wind had risen and regularly blew through her hair, hiding her features from me.

I slightly jumped when I suddenly heard the same pattern than before: door creaking and pebbles clashing under somebody's feet. Again, I snuck a glance off to my right and this time I recognised the two newcomers at once, even in the dim light.

Kathy saw us first. When she did, she nudged Chris' arm and pointed in our direction.

I quickly turned my eyes away and stared at the void in front of me. I had to get a hold on myself before they reached us, or else I would be as easy to read as an open book. While the sound of their footsteps came closer and closer I worked on controlling the amount of air that flowed in and out of my lungs.

"There you are." Chris sentence filled my ears, ringing slightly in my brain, and I knew I hadn't entirely recovered yet.

"Charlenne and Dom've been looking high and low for you," Kathy said.

It was Jade's voice which helped me shake the remaining haze off my mind. "Yeah, I know. I found Matt here myself not so long ago."

She had sounded so matter-of-factly. There had been no detectable emotion in her voice apart from a friendly, small-talk undertone.

I breathed out and glanced up at her again. Her 'social mask' was firmly screwed on in addition to the real mask. She was averting her eyes from me but except for that, she wasn't giving any indication about anything unusual that coud have happened before they arrived.

Such as the fact that we'd gladly have stuck our tongue in the other's mouth just a few moments ago.

How could she _do_ that? How the hell could she appear so fucking _calm_? And lie to their faces like that... I, for my part, was still a living storm on legs. How was I supposed to think clearly and act casual when I'd just been spat out of a hurricane?

"It's half past ten, Bells," Chris informed me. "Most people have already sloped off to the tube station to go to the Spirit. We've got to go as well."

"Half past ten, already..." Jade mumbled, sounding upset. As if the time was the most important thing in the world right now. Unless she was upset because of something else entirely...

As she said that she joined Kathy, and the two of them headed for the staircase's door. I noticed that Jade's legs shook ever so slightly when she took her first couple of steps forwards. Thank you! At _least_ one little detail that betrayed her and proved there were a few cracks in her armor.

"Matt?"

I shifted my eyes from Jade's receding figure to Chris, who was towering over me, waiting for me and frowning a bit.

"Are you alright, mate?" he asked me. He seemed to be a tinsy bit worried.

I stared at him for a few seconds, a bit at a loss for words as if my brain suddenly had difficulty in finding the commands of my voice. "I- I think, I think... I dunno, I- Well, it's- uh, y'know, like, I think, um..." my eyes widened as I took in the expanse of my own jabbering and I tried to slow down. "Whoa, wait. One, two." My tongue felt numb. My whole mouth felt numb actually.

Chris chuckled. "Are you pissed?" he asked as he bent forwards to pick up the Champagne bottle that was still standing on the gravel next to me. He examined the bottle, which was still half-full.

I huffed quite irritably. "Are you?" I threw back at him, even if this answer wasn't the most logical there was.

"Why? Because I didn't understand your oh-so-comprehensible previous sentence?" he wondered, clearly poking fun at me.

"Exactly!" I exclaimed. "It _was_ pretty clear," I added. I couldn't help giggling with him this time. And I suddenly felt so thankful towards him, for making me laugh and helping me release some of the tension, even if he hadn't done it on purpose.

"Come on, mister pretty-clear, get up on your feet," he told me, still smiling, as he extended his hand to me.

I gladly took it and he lifted me up easily but my legs didn't hold me right away and I probably would've stumbled and fallen if he hadn't grabbed my arm.

"Jesus, Matt! You _are_ pissed!" Chris chided me. "I thought you said you never wanted to get drunk before a gig again!"

I leaned on him for only a fraction of second, just enough to find my balance and to put some strength back in my limbs, and then I quickly pulled away, embarrassed. "Stop it," I grumbled. "I'm not pissed, I've only drunk like two glasses of Champagne!" I tried to justified myself as I followed after the girls. "Man, you're going to be such a mother hen..." I added as an afterthought.

"I won't need to be, my kids will be responsible," he stated as he tagged along beside me.

"Yeah, sure," I sniggered. "I can picture it already: 'Now listen kid, I'm a rockstar, I've lived the rockstar lifestyle. I've smoked and drunk and fucked and eaten weird stuff, but you, my boy-' or girl, it would be even funnier if it were a girl- 'you'll stay a virgin until you're married, you'll drink milk instead of vodka and you'll be an Oxford law graduate!'"

Fuck, I felt hyper all of a sudden. I burst out giggling but Chris mumped under his breath, too low for me to understand.

"And by the way," I went on, refusing to let go, "did you say _kids? _'Cause now there's going to be more than one?"

"Well _maybe_..." he answered.

"How many, Daddy-o?" I titillated him, "Three? Four?"

"Will you just give me a break!" he complained. Then, before I could reply, he swiveled his head towards the couple leaning against the concrete fence that circled the rooftop. "Eddie!" he called. The guy turned in our direction and I actually recognized him: he was one of the sound engineer working at the studio. "We're hitting the road," Chris simply said. Eddie nodded, grabbed his girlfriend's hand, and they both left the fence behind.

Then we rounded the corner of the stairs' bulkhead and I saw Jade and Kathy, waiting for us near the door. And provoking Chris suddenly became the least of my problems again.

My eyes connected with Jade's. She was standing by the door, keeping it open for us, and I could tell she'd been gazing at me as soon as I'd come back into her sight. But her eyes darted away pretty quickly once she noticed I was looking back at her.

'_Hmm, her lipstick _did_ survive our kisses... Oh, no, no, no, don't think about her lips!_'

Too late... I turned to my right, and was about to cross the threshold but as I walked in front of her, my feet slowed their movements- without being asked to- until I came to a complete halt.

It wasn't my fault! I swear, she was like a giant magnet, freezing me on the spot, trapping me into her aura.

I could almost feel her again. In my arms...under my fingers...on my skin. And her taste across my tongue. Her sweet, glorious, to-die-for _taste_.

My fingers twitched and I barely managed to stop myself from shoving her against the door behind her, pinning her there and kissing the life out of her. I wanted to feel the whole length of her body against mine. I wanted to hear her moan my name in the throes of passion...

I didn't know if she'd seen my fingers move or if my yearning was so great that she'd felt mental waves coming from me, but she suddenly pushed herself away from the door and entered the staircase. My hand reflexively flashed upwards and leaned flat against the door, so that it wouldn't smash into my face. My skin was burning again and the metal felt so icy in result that I winced.

Even though this whole little episode had felt painfully long to me, it'd lasted only a couple of seconds in reality. Kathy seemed to think that I was just being gallant and that I was holding the door for her. It came in handy, since it gave me some time to compose myself. Again.

Kathy went through the door. Eddie and his girl were next. I tried to smile back at them when they both beamed at me and wished me a 'happy birthday by the way'. Chris didn't seem determined to move so I started fowards myself. But just when I did he pushed the back of his hand against my chest and thus blocked my way.

"Are you listening?" he asked, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Listening to what?" I returned him, irritated as well since I didn't like having _anything_ keeping me away from her.

"To what I just said!" he exclaimed. "You didn't listen to a single word, did you?"

"I didn't hear."

I pushed his arm away- as gently as I could manage right now- and stepped forwards into the staircase.

"No. You didn't _listen_," he insisted.

'_Since when has he become as a pain in the neck as Dom? !_'

"Alright, I didn't hear, I didn't listen...whatever. What's your point?"

He trotted up to my side and we both started down the stairs.

"This has something to do with Jade, hasn't it?"

This time I was the one who held him back by grabbing his arm. I didn't want anyone to eavesdrop on that conversation. "It's none of your business, Chris," I hissed, keeping my voice low. "And what are you talking about anyway?"

"Oh please," he answered on the same tone, "did you think Dom wouldn't tell me?"

I drew back a bit in surprise and let go of his arm. Dom had told him? Dom had told him _what_ exactly? And who else had he told?

'_Dammit, Dom! Why do you have to be such a bloody blabbermouth!_'

I cast a glance at Jade only to see her disappear from my sight further down the stairs. So I resumed downstairs. I didn't answer Chris, but apparently he guessed what I was thinking. Either that, or Dom had given him the how-to-read-Matt's-mind formula.

"Don't blame him," he said, "I grilled him until he spilled the beans. It's not his fault." I snorted but Chris wasn't done. "So now that you've indirectly answered my question and that I know that yes, it _has_ something to do with Jade, will you tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed. What was wrong? What was _right_, he meant. Because, for once, something right had happened in the world. Something good.

What was wrong? I wanted to grab his shoulders, to make him face me, and to tell him that the most wonderful thing had happened.

I'd kissed Jade. I'd kissed _Jade_, for crying out loud! Not some random girl in a nightclub. And she'd kissed me back. And Jesus _fucking_ Christ...she was a hell of a good kisser. Best I'd ever have. Even from the little she'd shown me, I knew it was true.

But I couldn't tell him that, not yet.

"It's nothing," I eventually lied when we reached the floor where the non-Dimies' (whatever that meant) apartment was. "And it has nothing to do with...y'know. I'm just nervous because of the gig."

I'd sounded pretty convincing, according to me, and I was always nervous before a gig so it was more than plausible. In fact...it was true. Especially now that I though about it, I was beginning to stress.

Chris scrutinized my face for an instant and seemed to swallow it this time. "Ah, don't worry. You know it'll all go away once we're onstage..."

"Yeah, I know..." I trailed off as I leaned against the threshold of Jade's apartment where Kathy and her had just gone to pick up a few things. All around me people were bustling about, getting ready to leave, and she was no exception.

I let my head fall back against the door frame and watched her from afar while I fiddled with my new silver necklace.

She wanted to act as if nothing had happened? We'd see about that. I'd pierced through her defences once, I knew I could do it again. And I intented to.

'_Game on._'

* * *

title: 'Kryptonite' - 3 Doors Down + 'Falling Away With You'

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	55. I took a sip from my devil's cup

Hello, hello! I'm still alive!

Sorry for the long wait but you know how RL is...busy!

About the chapter... I have absolutely no idea where the whole 'American Graffiti' vibe came from but I was suddenly really inspired so... Please be indulgent lol. And you'll probably be able to tell that, once again, I wrote with I-tunes opened ^^ Oh, and if you're wondering where I got the 62 Thunderbird idea from: just watch Matt and Dom's speed date interview on Youtube - /watch?v=XmC-jphF2Is - And don't forget that this is the UK version of the car, so the wheel drive is on the right...

Thanks to ardeeneethesardeenee (strange name for a strange review) and fearandpanicintheair for the reviews :)

PS: Since I started telling you about Matt's outfit: the jacket he's wearing in this chapter looks like the one in the 'Plug in Baby' video clip.

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**UNDER YOUR SPELL (1) I took a sip from my devil's cup**

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

I closed my bedroom door with one swift slap of my hand, not caring if anyone heard it bang. I took off my mask again and carelessly tossed it on my bed. Then I staggered over to the padded stool standing in front of my dressing table and plopped down on it. I drew in a shaky breath, leaned both my elbows on the white wood of the dresser, and buried my fingers in my hair.

They knew. Of course they knew. All of them did. Charlenne, Lise, Emily, my own brother... How could they not? I'd felt the weight of their disapproving looks on my shoulders while I'd been crossing the apartment towards my bedroom. I'd felt as if I'd been radiating guilt. As if the stares coming from the people I cared most about had burnt holes in my back. Christ, what had I done? My friendship with Matt, my relationship with Jack... I'd ruined everything. It was wrong.

I sniffed and swallowed heavily, not really on the verge of tears, but not far from it either.

Yes, it was wrong. But even so... My hand came up towards my mouth on it's own and I closed my eyes as my fingers brushed my lips. If it was so wrong then why had it felt so right? So heavenly right. I recalled the touch of Matt's lips against mine and my body was suddenly washed in a mellow warmth.

My bedroom's door opened, abruptly tearing me out of my reverie. I gasped and jumped on my seat, nearly toppling over.

The Pulp-Fiction-Charlenne poked her head around the door and she scanned the room with her eyes. "Hey, have you seen-" She frowned when her gaze fell upon me. "Jade! What are you daydreaming about? I thought you wanted to change clothes! Come on, hurry up, we should be gone already!" she chided me.

And before I could utter a single word in response, she was gone.

I hadn't seen any suspicion in her eyes, nor any reproof. A bit puzzled, I studied myself in the mirror. I had to admit, I looked pretty normal. Perhaps the only thing noticeable about my face right now was the strange glint dancing in my eyes. Maybe, just maybe... There was a possibility I had imagined it, all their stares on my back. It may just have been my own internal judgment and guilt that had made me feel like the whole world knew about my treachery.

Just outside my bedroom, I heard Dom telling Charlenne to hurry up. If Charlenne had told _me_ to hurry up, and if _she_ was considered being late by Dom... It most likely meant that I was _really_ late.

I forced myself to push the memory of Matt's lips far, _far_ away in my mind. It wasn't an easy task, the sheer force of all the stomach-twisting feelings inherent in the memory made it extremely difficult to overcome. It was like trying to push away a tidal wave that kept coming roaring back at you, using only your bare hands.

But I eventually did it. I slowly built a mental dam, I kept the tidal wave in check, and managed to feel safe in my own skin again.

I slowly blew out of my mouth to relieve some of the tension that had been crippling my limbs since I'd...

'_Since nothing. Since nothing. Don't think about it._'

I ran a hand through my hair out of habit. The tons of products with which Charlenne had coated it made it a bit sticky in my opinion, and I didn't really like the feel of it. But fortunately that unpleasant sensation helped me rouse myself a little bit. I let go of my hair, crossed my left leg over my right and wrapped my hand around my heel before slipping my foot out of my shoe.

There were two reasons why I wanted to change outfits.

The first one was because I'd been told there might be a few 'surprises' at the Blue Spirit. I hadn't heard anything specific, but apparently it was best to wear non-delicate clothes tonight.

The second was that I didn't feel comfortable in that dress. I'd had some doubts about it since the very moment I'd first tried it on. Wasn't it a bit too much? Elegant, yes, somehow. But also too short, too tight, too revealing, too red. But in the end I'd been seduced by the slinky attire just like everyone else. Until Matt had undressed me with his eyes. Famished blue eyes. I had rarely felt that exposed or vulnerable in my entire life. _Appraised_ almost. I'd wanted out of that dress in that instant, even if I had tried not to let him know just how much destabilized I'd been. But then there had been the whole made-with-love cake thing. And then the roof thing. The whole...roof...kissing.

I huffed with annoyance and shook my head slightly to get rid of the memories, all the while getting into my jean hotpants. Nothing could beat some old denim cut-off shorts in the non-delicate category clothes. To be honest these shorts and the black tank top that I put on with them- the same one I'd been wearing all day long before the party- weren't much more covering than the dress. But there were a plethora of girls out there dressed in that kind of fashion, especially with the epically high temperatures we'd been undergoing these last few days. And in all cases, it was still a less I-eat-men-for-breakfast outfit than Charlenne's dress.

There suddenly were three harsh knocks at my bedroom door.

"Jade!" Dom said on the other side. "I don't care if you're dressed or not, if you're not out in five seconds I'm coming in and I'm dragging you to the cars by the scruff of the neck!"

"Just give me a moment!" I snapped back while leaning closer to my mirror. I rubbed my fingers on my lips, trying to scrub the gloss off. But it was no use, the damn thing wasn't fading a notch.

"We don't _have_ a moment, Jade!"

I sighed and moved away from the mirror. "Then you should have rung the alarm bells earlier," I grumbled under my breath. I put some lip balm on my lips, slid into a pair of ballerinas flats, grabbed my small and extra-flat purse (perfect for nightclubs), and opened the door.

Dom had been standing just a few inches behind it. "Finally!" he exclaimed. He probably would have said more if I had given him some time to do so. Which I hadn't: I'd looked down, avoiding his eyes, skirted around him, and had scurried straight forwards into the living room.

Because the instant I'd opened the door, the strong surface of my self-confidence's shell had been deeply rattled, cracking dangerously. Why? Simply because I'd just realised Dom _must _have known. For if Matt had told someone already, he had told Dom. Matt had probably taken Dom aside the moment he'd seen him and told him everything. And perhaps Chris as well...earlier in the stairs.

Why wouldn't he have let the cat out of the bag, after all? He didn't have any reason not to, he had nothing to lose. Contrary to me.

I walked through the apartment, feeling like I was wandering over the unreal landscape of an illusion. My senses were dull, my mind lost in a haze. Surely I would wake up any minute...

But I felt the first sting of hot tears prickling in the corner of my eyes and I was reminded that it wasn't a dream, there was no easy way out. I swallowed repeatedly, trying to dislodge the lump that had formed in my throat. For God's sake, I just couldn't cry!

Thankfully Dom and Charlenne were the only people left in the apartment apart from me. Moreover Dom was behind me and Charlenne- who was the only one still wearing her disguise- was waiting in the stairway, texting someone with her phone and therefore not paying attention to me. So I tried not to blink, I held my breath for a few seconds and then very slowly released it while I passed in front of her and I quickly started down the stairs.

I heard them chatting and locking the door overhead and I knew I'd put some safe distance between them and myself. So I allowed myself to lightly press the back of my index fingers under each of my eyes, catching the tears before they could escape. Then I relaxed my jaw and exhaled. There, no more tears. There was nothing I could do anyway, except praying that Matt had and would hold his tongue, and that guilt wouldn't eat me up inside.

Once outside, I realised two things. One: the atmosphere's temperature was milder than it had been all day long, enough so that I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. I hadn't even noticed it while I'd been on the roof. The air had seemed _very_ warm to me up there... And two: there were only two cars of ours left. And one of them- I believe it was Andrews'- was crowded with people. I could hear their bursts of laughter and their loud talking as the car pulled out, having no difficulty in fitting in the light, late-night traffic.

The second, and last car... Well, it was Matt's new Thunderbird. And it was my ride.

My stomach clenched into a tight knot while that thought overpowered my mind. Being trapped in a metal box for at least twenty minutes and sitting close to Matt... There just wouldn't be enough space for him, me, _and_ the elephant in the room.

I was soon so lost in my inner world of dilemma and anxiety that I didn't register Dom and Charlenne's presence right away. Nor did I notice the former sneacking up behind me.

"Wake up!"

He'd dropped the two words next to my ear and they tolled like an iron bell, cutting sharply into my thoughts. Dom didn't even wait for the words to startle me: he seized my hand with authority and trailed me along behind him, heading for the car.

I wanted to tug free from his grip, to find a suitable excuse that would allow me to go to the Blue Spirit on my own, using the underground. But I just shook my head in protest, unable to form a proper sentence, unable to string two syllables together. The muscles of my legs seemed to have turned into some sort of jelly and I had no choice but to follow him along the curb.

When he opened the front passenger door though, and started to steer me inside the car, I balked, the idea of seating _directly_ next to Matt being enough of a nerve-wracking notion to help me rebel.

"Dom, no," I said firmly, pushing myself away from the car.

He glanced between the open door and me, looking sincerely surprised. "What?"

My mouth was dry. "I- I-" Nervousness clawed at me, a new lump creeping in my throat hot on its heels. "I thought you always wanted to call shotgun," I eventually managed to answer, souding very unsure of myself.

"Yeah, well, let's just say that I'm feeling exceedingly chivalrous tonight," he justified with a shrug. "Come on, hurry up, we should be at the Spirit already."

And with that he grabbed my shoulder, pushed me onto the car seat, and slammed the door shut. Carried forth by the movement, I had to lean a hand against the driver seat's headrest to stabilize myself and I suddenly found myself facing a very laid back looking Matt. He seemed more than comfortable, leaning back into his seat, his right elbow casually resting on the window sill. He was gazing at me, as if he'd been expecting me, with a calm and cocky look in his eyes.

I quickly drew myself away from him, shifting on my seat to sit properly and turning my face to my own window. My heart was thumping so hard in my chest it almost hurt.

I was vaguely aware that behind me Dom and Charlenne were settling down in their respective spacious back seats, commenting about the extreme cosiness of the car, about the nice leather smell, and so on.

I, for my part, didn't feel very well. I leaned my elbow on the window's edge as well and raised my hand to my forehead as I closed my eyes. Dom and Charlenne's voices faded into a muted background and the only thing that still reached my ears was... God, I knew it was impossible... But I was almost certain it was Matt's...heart. Matt's heart, and Matt's breathing. And Matt's movements. Everything 'Matt's'. And it wasn't the only sense of mine that had been overrun by him. My smell as well. My nose and lungs seemed full of his scent, which was suddenly abnormally strong, as if it had filled the whole passenger compartment. In a fraction of a second, he'd become my whole world; and all of a sudden nothing else existed except him.

These feelings made my lips tingle and my mouth water as the memory of his kisses leapt to the front of my mind. My hands closed into fists, my nails digging hard into my palms. I swallowed and struggled to keep on breathing.

I was so much on edge that when I felt someone touch me, I violently jolted in my seat, causing everyone in the car to fall silent.

I stared at Matt with wild eyes when I realised he was the one who'd lightly brushed my arm with his hand. I knew my face must have been scarlet, and I felt on the verge of emotional explosion.

Matt was now holding his hand back in a gesture of peace, looking back at me warily, obviously startled by my reaction.

"Wh- why did you do that for? !" I spluttered, with almost an accusing tone in my voice which I immediately regretted.

'_What the hell, Jade? Since when touching you has become a crime?_'

"Hum, I'm sorry," Matt slowly answered as if unsure of what to say. "I didn't mean to scare you... It's just that you weren't responding to your name so..."

I exhaled, sniffed, and pulled my hair back over my shoulders, trying to recover some composure. "Well I'm listening now. So what is it?" I asked irritably, not looking at him.

"Er..." he uttered gently, sounding shy. It made me look at him eventually.

He'd already slid the Swing-Away steering wheel into place, he had his right hand resting on it and was alternatively glancing at the rearview mirror and at me, a patient look on his face. "If you could just fasten your seatbelt...so that we could leave."

"Oh," I breathed before darting a look over my shoulder to see that Dom and Charlenne were _impatiently_ waiting for me to recover from my 'weird zoning out'. "Uh, sure," I replied, embarrassment laced in my voice. I quickly complied, pulling my seatbelt around me and fumbling with its tongue until I managed to click it into the buckle. I felt about an inch high, trying my best to keep a low profile but feeling like I was completely failing.

"Right! Now we're good to go," Dom declared, bending forwards- tugging on his own seatbelt- to pat the side of Matt's seat as a cue to take off.

Matt flicked the selection lever located on the steering column on drive position and started the engine, which came to life with a thunderous roar. He also bowed to Charlenne's demand to open the car's convertible top. And soon we were comfortably cruising through London's streets, the night's fresh air blowing in our faces.

Behind me, Dom and Charlenne were exulting and showing off each time pedestrians slowed down on their tracks to admire the car, sounding almost as if the Thunderbird were theirs and not Matt's. It could be sheer smugness. It could also be that they only wanted to cheer Matt up, since the latter was being noticeably quiet beside me.

I stayed silent as well, with my head turned slightly to the left, gazing at the streaming surroundings without really looking at anything in particular.

We drove south west and soon reached Hyde Park. We followed alongside the park's eastern edge, the trees in the scenery being a nice alternative to the metal and stone buildings. The wind felt even colder around the park, since the vegetation had already recycled the air, contrary to the streets' asphalt which was still giving back the heat it had been storing all day long in the city's heart. I took off my shoes, bent my knees up and sat with my bare feet resting on my seat and my arms clasped around my legs, in an attempt to protect myself from the cold.

But I didn't complain. Dom was wearing a long-sleeve shirt, Charlenne had put on a light waistcoat and Matt had both: a long-sleeve t-shirt _and_ a jacket. I had been the only one stupid enough to wear a tank-top without bringing anything to keep myself warm. So I didn't see any reason why I should prevent my friends from enjoying the convertible side of the car only because I hadn't been farsighted enough.

We hadn't been crossing path with a lot of other vehicles since we'd left London's downtown, due to the late hour surely. And so when we stopped at a red light to the right of another car, my attention was naturally drawn to it. Or perhaps it was the sleek red bodywork gleaming under the street lamps that had caught my eye. Unless it was just the hard rock music blaring out of the open windows which was impossible to ignore.

Generally I didn't like to pigeonhole people, but this time I couldn't help but categorize them as creepy, disreputable punks. There were the friendly-punks and the scary-punks. If Matt looked like a friendly one tonight, these four were the scary, hardcore type in my opinion. Especially the two girls who were occupying the back seats. One of them had so many earrings wrapped around her right ear's lobe that I couln't count them all. And her hair was arranged in a red and black mohawk so stiff it looked sharp-cutting.

That girl noticed my staring at her and she shot me a nasty look in return. My eyes quickly darted away but it seemed that we wouldn't be able to avoid a confrontation with them anyway. Because what I didn't know yet was that the punks' car was a Ford Mustang 1965. And, apparently, when a Thunderbird met a Mustang, it _always_ made the sparks fly.

The music coming from the Mustang was slightly turned down and there were a couple of quips that were thrown about the Thunderbird.  
Of course that elicited a hair-trigger reaction from Dom.

"Is there a problem here, hedgehogs?" he mocked them with a smooth voice that was probably more annoying then an aggressive one. "Do you really think that your piece of junk here stands a chance against our Thunderbird?"

On our side, Charlenne sniggered, supporting Dom one hundred percent whereas Matt stayed rather neutral as if he hadn't heard any of it. On the other car side, two of the passengers uttered some 'ooooooouh' sounds aimed at the Mustang's driver- who probably was the car's owner as well- as if they were challenging their own mate to respond to Dom's provocation. And I was almost sure that the scary girl had just...growled.

There's nothing more truculent than a big guy who's pride's just been hurt. And this guy was _big_. With crazy bulging eyes and a pointy lip piercing that glinted everytime he opened his mouth.

"You're gonna eat your heart out, pretty boy!" he snarled. "Let's see if your wreck of a car has any kind of guts!" He sounded completely mad to me, and with that last sentence he made the Mustang's engine roar threateningly.

"Is it me, or did he just call me 'pretty boy'?" Dom asked Charlenne in a lower voice.

Matt eventually interfered. "Shut up, Dom. You'll get us into trouble."

"What? !" Dom protested, still keeping his voice low, as he leaned forwards to talk to Matt. "We can't let this pass! They have a 65 Mustang, it's a 302 cylinder. Ours is an upgraded 390 cylinder, Matt! We have more engine power but these fuckfaces are too high to realise it! So don't tell me you're afraid to lose, 'cause we _can't_ lose."

"Screw them," Matt answered. "It's not them I'm worried about, it's the bobbies. We can't afford an arrest now, what about the gig?"

Off to my left the punks were now listening to AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell' and it seemed to stir them up even more. It was true that the song seemed appropriate for the situation... As primitive as they may have been, their taste in music wasn't too shitty.

The light turned green.

Matt was about to drive forwards as if nothing had happened, but Dom grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. "Wait! There aren't any bobbies! Not here, not at this time of day!" Then he tried for another form of persuasion. "Come on, Matt, there are ladies to impress here..."

I felt a hot pang of jealousy at his words. What? _Ladies?_ Had he lost his mind? ! Did he really considered this _hedgehogs_- like he'd called them himself- to be _ladies?_

My indignation was so strong that I couldn't help but voice my thoughts. "_Them?_" I turned incrudulous eyes on Dom. "Do you think of _them_ as ladies? !"

Matt and Dom were both staring at me but then they shared a look before Dom spoke again. "Actually no. I wasn't talking about them," he plainly replied, still looking at Matt.

Before I could think his answer through Matt retorted. "Car races? Chicks don't like these."

Charlenne raised her hand. "Uh, I do!" she stated.

"Yes, but we weren't talking about you either, sweetheart," Dom told her. Then he turned to Matt again and kept going, oblivious to Charlenne's protests. "Okay, if you're not doing it for the softer sex at least do it for yourself! Where's your self-esteem? And anyway, don't you want to try it? A 62 Thunderbird burnout on the night of your 20th birthday, doesn't it sound tempting?"

Dom's arguments were starting to hit home, I could see the hesitation creeping over Matt's face as he gazed thoughtfully at the long empty road ahead as if the decision lay there.

The light turned red again. The Mustang hadn't moved an inch and the punks were still trying to provoke us into the challenge both with the car's engine roaring and their galling comments.

Matt ignored them but he turned to look at me. "What do you think?"

I frowned in confusion, taken aback by his question. "What does it matter what I think?" I cautiously asked. "It's your car."

"It matters," he replied immediatly but without any more justification.

My mouth bobbed open, then closed, then opened again. "Er..." I darted a glance at Dom and Charlenne, silently asking for help but I already knew what they wanted my choice to be. All three of my friends had their eyes trained on me as if my word were sacred and I squirmed uneasily on my seat, not liking the pressure of responsibility.

The scary girl eventually catalyzed my decision. "Hey blondie," she called with a surprisingly sugary voice. My head automatically swiveled in her direction, even though I didn't know yet if she'd been talking to Dom or to me. But she was smoothly smiling at _me_.

"Too bad that your sweetie's too much of a pussy to confront my man," she purred as she bent slightly forwards and stroked the driver's muscular arm. "I would have loved to watch you whip this little wimp's arse, baby!" She had been talking to her boyfriend, obviously, but her eyes had remained on mine.

I felt a thick, black anger rising in me. Who was she, this _slut_, to insult Matt like this? _My_ Matt, who was worth a billion of her...enraged _dog_. I shot her the most scornful, murderous glare I could summon, resisting the urge to pounce and scratch that fleer off of her face, and then I turned to Matt.

"Send them to hell," I commanded, my voice dark and fierce.

"With pleasure," he answered on the same tone, looking both furious at the girl and pleased at my reaction.

"Yes!" Dom gloated. "That's the kind of spirit I like! Give them a taste of their own medecine, Bells!"

"Hang on," Matt warned us. And the Thunderbird suddenly began roaring back at the Mustang.

The dumbarses in the other car whooped excitedly, almost jumping on their seats like chimps in rut. They turned their music up to full blast. I was almost sure I'd recognised 'Hot for Teacher' by Van Halen but it was quickly covered by both cars' ferocious rumblings.

The two Fords roared in turn, the engines' sounds were deep and agressive, and the cars made me think of two mechanical wild beasts, sinking their lethal claws into the asphalt, ready to spring. Blue against red.

The pedestrian crossing light turned red and Matt and the other crazy driver stopped teasing their respective engines- since the previous roarings' only goal had been to impress and nothing more- and this time they really went for the kill. Matt revved the engine and maneuvered the hand brake so that the tires squealed loudly against the road but the car didn't move and instead vibrated from the effort. The two cars deafening burnouts filled the air with a smoke that smelt of hot rubber.

And then the light turned green.

Matt freed the brake and the car popped into motion with a screeching sound, shooting forwards like a rocket and pressing me back into my seat.

The wind slapped against my face, my hair were widly flying before my eyes, but still I struggled to keep peering at the red car to my left. The Mustang seemed to keep up the pace. _At first_. But like Dom had said, we couldn't lose. And after a moment, I realised that we were slowly starting to pull ahead.

I caught a glimpse of the scary girl's face, twisted, the provocative grin having shifted into an angry scowl, as she'd noticed as well that they were losing.

Their car wasn't automatic like ours and so as soon as we got the first half of the Thunderbird ahead of them their driver downshifted into a lower gear in an attempt to regain some acceleration.

I didn't know what he'd done wrong though, but he'd definitely fucked _something_ up. Because a loud metallic clack sounded from the Mustang's hood, like an old truck backfiring or something.

The red car suddenly veered to the right towards us as it fishtailed, but fortunately Matt had good reflexes and he managed to avoid the breaking down Mustang. Then, after a few seconds, he hit the brakes and we came to a halt.

The four of us, Dom, Charlenne, Matt and myself turned around to look at the other car, which had stopped askew in the middle of the road about 50 yards behind us. A white smoke had started to escape the Mustang's hood and the four punks got out of the car, shouting at each other's faces.

We all burst out laughing.

"This is incredible!" Dom exclaimed, between two fits of laughter. "God, it just couldn't have gone any better, it's priceless!"

Charlenne and Dom both kept their back turned on Matt and me while they continued to chortle, mocking the other four as loudly as they could. I, on the other hand, looked at Matt. And he turned to look at me too. At first we were both brightly smiling because of the exaltation but then his brilliant cerulean eyes locked upon mine and our smiles slowly started to dwindle. In that instant I had become absorbed in these two sapphires.

I let my gaze roamed freely over his beautiful youthful face, longing to hold it into my hands while a warm, profound feeling started to swell within my heart. But he broke eye contact as his gaze shifted down to look at my hands.

"You're cold," he commented, lightly strocking his fingertips over my left forearm.

I looked down at my own arms as well. My skin had broken out all over in gooseflesh and when he touched me I shivered, but it wasn't because of the cold. I didn't think the goose bumps had been caused by the fresh air either. _He_ was the only reason why my body had reacted in such a way.

"I'm okay..." I started to answer, but he had already unzipped his jacket and pulled one arm out.

"Here," he said softly as he settled the jacket on my shoulders. I started to raise my arms to free my hair that'd been caught under the collar but I stopped when he gently gathered my hair in his hands and pulled it free himself. Then he let his fingers brush down against both halves of the zipper, pulling me slightly closer, and preventing me from drawing away from him. As if I would ever do that... The jacket was warm and impregnated with his smell and, once again, I had the feeling that my senses were completely being overpowered by him.

"Were you really angry?" he asked me, looking down. I frowned without answering, not really tracking what he was talking about, and after a couple of heartbeats his gaze slid up towards mine again. "At the girl, back there," he specified, indicating the Mustang with a quick movement of his eyes.

"Of course I was angry," I truthfully replied. "I wanted to kill her for what she said."

The corner of his mouth twitched with a small smile. "That's cute... In a slightly creepy kind of way. But still cute."

We kept our eyes on each other for a few seconds more but Dom's voice suddenly brought us back to the present. "Oops, sorry to interrupt guys, but I think we should move on, Matt. We've got some...rabid barking hedgehog coming our way."

Indeed, the punk driver was taking long strides in our direction, all the while screaming obscene curses, mostly aimed at Dom.

Matt and I reluctantly parted from each other and with a sigh he grabbed the wheel again, ready to drive on. As soon as we started moving fowards Dom turned one last time and gave the crazy driver the finger, therefore doubling the amount and volume of the swearing directed at him. But he couldn't care less now that the Thunderbird was building a safe distance between him and his vehicle-less assailant.

When the punk's shouting became inaudible, Dom turned around and sat properly again, wearing an ear-to-ear grin. He let out a long statisfied sigh, like someone who'd just had a revitalizing jog or the most amazing sex ever. "I think this whole little adventure just made my night!"

"So battery recharging..." Charlenne added, beaming as well.

Dom nodded. "Oh yeah. Now I can't wait to sit behind my drum kit to let it all out!"

They continued to congratulated themself and they soon lost my attention.

Matt turned on the radio but kept it low, wanting it to be only a musical background. He flicked through the channels until he stumbled upon 'Nightcall' by Kavinsky & Lovefoxxx.

"I like this one," I commented.

He drew his hand away from the radio then, letting the song play through, and focussing his attention on road again. We reached the joining point between Hyde Park and Green Park. We were close, maybe five minutes away from the Blue Spirit. The rest of the ride was quieter and my mind started to drift away, helped by the peaceful night air, the music, and the soothing purr of the car.

I found myself mulling over the events of the day.

Twice Matt and I had been mistaken for a couple. The first time by the seller at the music store this afternoon, and now by the punk girl. And who could blame them really? When you knew Matt could make me feel dizzy with want from a single look...

The way I had reacted to the bitch's provocation troubled me. She hadn't known me from Adam but still she had guessed _exactly_ how to get a rise out of me. In just a few seconds, she had understood that Matt wouldn't accept the challenge unless I was okay with it and that the best way to infuriate me wouldn't be to attack me directly, but to attack Matt instead. She had been right... I'd felt this raw possessiveness, like Matt had been mine to defend.

Was I that transparent? So much so that a girl like her could analyse me so easily?

I'd been gazing at Matt's profile during my little introspection and at some point he cast a look at me. My eyes darted away just as his glided towards me.

I looked away from him after that. The mental dam inside me with which I was keeping my burning guilt in check was threatening to give way. I breathed, trying my best to stay calm.

I would have to face the other side of the coin eventually. I knew I would get a big slap in my face at some point. A biting, scorching slap...when I would be reminded that Matt _wasn't_ mine. It would be excruciating.

But right now trying to flee reality was so much easier, so much sweeter. I just wanted to enjoy the present time a little while longer.

I curled up in my seat, sitting in the same position than before, with my feet on the leather and my arms around my legs. Except that this time I had Matt's jacket zipped up around me and it wasn't from the cold I was recoiling.

I buried my nose in the jacket's collar, rubbing it against the warm cotton as I closed my eyes, and breathed Matt's scent in deeply.

'_Just let me enjoy it a little bit longer...'_

* * *

title: 'Under Your Spell' - Desire + 'Toxic' - Yael Naim / Britney Spears

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	56. Just another minute in your touch

Hi there!

Lots of descriptions in this chapter. It wasn't easy to put what I was picturing in my head into words, but I hope that everything makes sense (more or less) and that you're able to imagine the 'decor'. Especially since the next chapter will take place in that said-decor...**  
**

Concerning the beginning of this chapter I took inspiration from a video on youtube (again), it's the one called: Muse - On The Road In South America (Join the Resistance Week 4) .**  
**

You may notice that I've changed the rating of the story from T to M again. It's not that I plan to write a steaming hot scene (though you never know lol) but I think some chapters are more T+ than T, and since there is no T+ rating on FanFiction... I just didn't want to limit myself or to close some doors. And it's still best to over-rate than to under-rate. I'll put a poll on my profile's page so that you can tell me what you think about it.

So anyways, thank you (as always) to mxxm and Inezzz for the reviews (and thanks to all my other reviewers as well of course ^^)

PS: Not that I want to make you jealous, but if you want to know how the gig on the 18th of october went... Well it was GREAT XD and there are tones of videos on youtube about the gig. Just type 'Muse bercy 2012' if you're curious lol.

* * *

**UNDER YOUR SPELL (2) All I really need is just another minute in your touch**

I backed away from my window, as did Matt, Dom and Charlenne, and the four of us leaned towards the centre of the passenger compartment without realising it, subconsciously clustering together.

Thankfully Matt had had the foresight to close the convertible top, to wind up the windows, and to lock the doors when we'd rounded the corner of the street where the Blue Spirit was. A very wise move... Because dozens of people were gathered around the car right now. There wasn't a single inch of glass around us that wasn't covered by someone's hand. The light coming from the street lamps was barely visible, having a hard time trying to seep through the huddle and the only light sources thank to which we could still see in the car were the dashboard LEDs...

People had surrounded the Thunderbird after a couple of persons had noticed Matt and Dom in it. The news had spread like wildfire and, apparently, having two thirds of Muse in here had been enough to draw a massive flow of screaming fans crashing against the car. And I really mean _screaming_ and _crashing_.

"It's scary!" Charlenne whined behind me.

She'd sounded really alarmed and I twisted around on my seat, intending to reassure her in some way. But once I looked at her I was distracted by the way she was fiercely clinging to Dom's forearm.

"It's awesome!" Dom replied, sounding hyped up. But even as he grinned like a loon at the hysterical fans outside the car, he wrapped a soothing arm around her small form and pulled her in.

'_When have these two gotten so close?_'

I didn't dwell on that thought for long because someone or something suddenly hit my window, producing a loud thump. I nearly jumped out of my skin and I instinctively scooted to the opposite edge of my seat, closer to Matt. _Much _closer to Matt. Maybe a little bit too close... But I found comfort in his proximity. I felt protected. So I decided to kick my morals to the curb and I stayed near him.

The roaring of the Thunderbird's engine wasn't impressing the fans at all, and they didn't really seem in the mood to move away. Scratch that, they seemed _nowhere_ near being willing to move away.

Matt tried to go forwards but only gently, inches by inches; nevertheless he couldn't help jostling them a bit.

"Slow, slow, slow! Go slow Matt!" Dom said, a concerned tinge in his voice.

"I'm trying!" Matt returned him, sounding contrite. "But what do you want me to do? We'll have to get through eventually!"

As if answering our unspoken prayer for help, we glimpsed a few sturdy guys, wearing Blue-Spirit-staff t-shirts, trying to pierce through the thick mob to get to us. Most of them were twice my size and they efficiently managed to cut a swath through the mass of fans, large enough for the car to pass.

Slowly, we began to make our way towards the inviting, brightly lit garage of the nightclub and its iron gate- which had already started coming down from the ceiling- while our 'saviours' pushed against the crowd with widespread arms. People still tried to throw themselves at the car- to what purpose? That was something I just couldn't fathom- and the friction between their skin and the glass created squealish trails as they dragged their hands across the windows.

Eventually, the last inch of the Thunderbird crossed the garage's threshold and the iron-grid gate could finally finish its drop towards the ground behind us, establishing a protective barrier between us and the crowd outside. Most of the guys who'd helped us had stayed outside and had form a line to block out anyone who tried to follow us into the garage.

Matt parked the car and when we got out we were welcomed by Mia and a bunch of assistants and security guards. But their voices could be barely heard over the rumble coming from the fans gone wild outside. Many of the latter had got past the line of pseudo-bodyguards and had slipped their fingers through the grid gate's slits. They pushed against the gate which- I realised- was flexible, and it seemed to distend inwards under the pressure.

I embraced myself inside Matt's jacket as I eyed the gate nervously, all the while wondering how much tension it was designed to resist.

"It'll hold."

My head turned around to look at Matt. "What?" I asked agitatively, my mind still mulling over the gate's physical properties.

"It'll hold," Matt repeated, vaguely gesturing at the gate. "They won't get through, don't worry."

It took me a second to grasp that he was talking about the exact same thing I'd been cogitating about. I swiftly uncrossed my arms and I straightened up, trying to appear confident. It was irritating. Because once again, he'd seen right through me. And not only had he sensed that I was nervous, he'd guessed why.

"I'm not worried," I asserted as if the mere presumption that I _could_ be worried was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard.

He slightly tilted his head to one side as he studied me, his eyes sparkling with what I could only assume was mirth. "Weren't you scared in the car?"

"No," I lied, burying my hands in his jacket's pockets. And without waiting for an answer, I strode after our little group, that Mia had started leading through a twisty maze of plain white corridors which ceiling was lined with a vent system's pipes.

Apparently not about to drop the subject so soon, Matt quickly fell in beside me. "Oh well, that's good," he replied, with what sounded like fake-earnestness. "Personally, I was a bit intimidated back there..."

I frowned at hearing that. I was surprised he would admit something like that to me. I peered at him suspiciously. "Really?" I asked, clearly doubting his word.

"Yep," he confirmed, nodding.

This time I accepted his answer and pondered it for an instant. I guess that if _he_ had felt ill-at-ease...there was no shame in confessing that so had I.

"Alright I was a bit scared as well," I conceded.

A small smirk immediately slipped on to his face, as if it had been dying to break out all along. "I know," he stated mysterioulsy, looking ahead.

His cockiness was really getting on my nerves. And the fact that my conscience wasn't really clean didn't help...

I scoffed and confronted him as I kept on walking. "What do you mean, _you know_...? There wasn't 'terrified' written on my forehead, was there?"

His smile was getting bigger. "Oh I guess it was just you nearly jumping on my lap which tipped me off," he nonchalantly returned me.

That nailed me to the spot.

Matt stopped in his tracks as well after a couple more steps and cast an inquiring look back at me. As if my dropped jaw and indignant eyes weren't saying it all.

"I didn't... I didn't _jump_ on your lap!" I lively protested, so knocked flat on my arse that I had to try twice before I could form a proper reply.

Matt dropped the teasing then, perhaps feeling just how outraged I was. He came back on his steps and wrapped a hand around my arm. I stared at his hand on the defensive, not understanding what he wanted until he gently pulled me out of the way of some security gard which had no doubts been waiting for me to move away for some time now. I hadn't even noticed him, even with all the loud static sounds his talkie-walkie was emitting...

I looked back at Matt once the gard had walked on, mumbling in his radio. Matt was ingenuously gazing at me. "I said _nearly_," he pointed out gently, obviously trying to soothe me.

I huffed quietly but tamped down my irritation. It was just impossible to hold any kind of grudge against these blue..._very_ blue... Dammit, have I already mentioned just how fucking blue his eyes were?

'_Hoooboy, need to keep on breathing..._'

We could suddenly hear some commotion down the passageway, and it snapped me out of my daze. I left Matt's side and quickly joined the others.

The corridor was opening on a small square room, centered around a narrow elevator. And we weren't alone in here: Dom, Charlenne and co. had met with Chris, Kathy, Tom and an unknown girl who was most likely Tom's date of the night. Tom was probably trying to impress her by giving her a behind-the-scene glimpse... Anyways, they had their own little escort and I suppose they'd been either waiting for us here, or they'd reached the room by some other way.

The elevator took us one level lower, which was only logical since the main part of the club was underground. Yet we were still three or four storeys higher than the dancefloor level. It was the first time I hadn't used the regular long spiraling stairway which got you down to the cloakroom lobby, the last chamber before the main room.

Mia failed to warn us about the sharp change of atmosphere between the sober-minded white corridors we'd just weaved through and..._this_.

For starters, it took me a second to adjust to the change of lighting. The light was scarcer here, the elevator's lighting had dwindled to almost nothing before the doors had opened and that new corridor was much darker than the previous one. There was also a surreal touch to it, as if the deep blue glow reigning here had wrapped itself around us, absorbing us, dragging us into an out-of-this-world place.

But that wasn't the most noteworthy side of this corridor. No, its real distinct aspect was that half of it was made of plexiglass. Basically, when you came out of the elevator- and so you were facing that corridor- the floor and the wall to your left were completely transparent and they looked out onto the Blue Spirit's principal room. On the other hand, the wall to your right and the ceiling were solid and in continuity with the main room's own wall and ceiling. So just picture the main room as a huge cubic-ish space and imagine that this private corridor we were currently in fitted into one of the upper ridges.

The see-through floor was really destabilizing, but it enabled us to have an incredible view of the room and I took the opportunity to scour every part of it.

Seen from above, this dance haven made me think of some futuristic arena- the kind you could sometimes see in sci-fi movies- what with its two concentric levels of balconies overlooking the third and lowest level: the wide, pulsing dancefloor.

When they'd had the nightclub built, Mia and her two partners had specifically chosen their architect for his penchant for spaceship-esque, futuristic designs. The whole place was a perfect mix of curves and shaper edges, all chrome-plated and so always sleek and polished. Neon rails were running along the walls, forming a fanciful web of never-crossing bright blue veins around the room. I was also aware that large monitors were scattered all around the room but they hadn't been turned on yet, and they remained hidden from sight for now, well-concealed in the walls.

People had started streaming into the room at a steady pace. That incoming flow would have been more disorganized and abundant if not for the thorough crowd screening I knew the nightclub's staff was now carrying out at the ground level entrance.

Many of the people down there were clearly highly excited, running into the room like young deers. It was funny how we could easily sort them out into different groups. On the one hand, there were the ones who'd patently been spreeing for some time already- like many of us had as a matter of fact, my own twin topping the bill- and who meant to keep on going since they scurried over to either of the two bars which served the dancefloor's level.

On the other hand, there were the most devoted and faithful fans who were massing around the circular stage that had been set in the centre of the room. Among these, many were wearing Muse or Origin of Symmetry t-shirts and holding banners with their favorite song's name on it, or even love messages for Matt, Dom, and Chris. I couldn't really read them out from were I was standing, high up above them, but I was almost certain I'd spotted a few hearts.

And of course there were the nightclub lovers and the nightclub haters. The former had gathered into small clusters strewn throughout the room, dancing so close in some cases that it was impossible to tell where one person ended and the other began, pulsing to the beat of the eletro house music that was currently playing. The later had come only for Muse and stood, sometimes awkwardly stiff, looking like they didn't know what to do with themself or trying to converse with their friends above the music.

None of the people down there could see us. Because in fact, the plexiglass was a two-way mirror. And since they were no lights coming from our side, someone outside the corridor could only see the main room's reflection. That was the reason why I'd never noticed this little corridor when I'd been inside the room.

Dom was standing beside me, gazing through the glass while a small satisfied smile spread across his face.

"It looks amazing Dom," I congratulated him, raising my voice over the music. "You really outdid yourself this time."

He turned to me, his smile widening. "Thanks, but all credits goes to Mia," he acknowledged cheerfully, glancing over my shoulder at her.

Said-Mia started to lead us towards the other end of the corridor now that she'd given us some time to drink in the sight, and we followed.

I inched closer to Dom while I walked, as something had just popped into my mind. "Hey," I said with in a quiet voice but speaking near his ear so that he was the only one who could hear. "Don't ignore her now that she's done what you asked from her. It wouldn't be really gallant of you."

He grimaced slightly. "I know," he whispered back close to my own ear. "I just don't want to get her hopes up too high. I mean, me and her... There's just no way."

I could understand that. She was about ten years his senior and not really the type of woman Dom usually picked up. But I wasn't asking him to give his body up for our cause...just to turn her down in a relatively courteous way.

"At least buy her a drink," I encouraged him.

We'd reached the end of the corridor and had to cross some two-door dark hall, which goal was to prevent any parasitic light from seeping into the dance room.

Dom chuckled softly. "Yes, Ma'am!" he answered with a small smirk, holding one of the doors for me.

Beyond these doors was another couloir, reasonably lit this time and warmer than the bleak ones at the surface thanks to the laminate flooring and the cream coloured walls. Several rooms opened up onto it including a small lounge that I likened to a make-up room: desks stood against the walls, flanked by a bunch of comfortable-looking leather chairs which faced large wall-mounted mirrors.

That's where Mia led us, in this room where refreshments had been brought for us to enjoy. But Matt, Dom and Chris were running late, and people around them bustled about. I doubted anyone would really have the time for a drink... Hum, except perhaps Charlenne, who'd just poured herself a glass.

At some point, and I don't know exactly how it happened so fast, people started to leave the room. One by one or in small groups, and always for a good reason and with a precise purpose, different for each people. Perhaps it was due to some hidden herd behaviour but be that as it may the room that been buzzing with people's talking just a minute earlier was soon only occupied by Matt, Dom and myself. And not for long.

"Uh, wait here," Dom said to Matt. "I've got to check something with the..."

With the what? I'd never know. Dom had left the room as well as he'd been talking and his words just faded away in the corridor. For all I know, he never actually _did_ finish his sentence.

Needless to say, I absolutely didn't want to be left alone with Matt. And I began to follow in Dom's tracks; what was the point in staying here if everybody else had left?

'_I should just go whereever the hell all the others have decamped and-_'

"Don't go..."

I stopped short and slightly swiveled my head in Matt's direction. The words had been so quiet, I wasn't entirely sure he'd really uttered them. But nonetheless, I turned a little bit more and darted a look at him.

A pucker of worry had appeared on his brow, the colour had drained from his face a bit and he was twisting his fingers nervously. Of all the emotions that were displaying on his face I could see no trace of deception. This wasn't a well elaborated trap to make a move on me, or if it was, I could see in Matt's eyes that he had nothing to do with it.

Standing in in front of me was just one of my friend, undergoing a momentary nervous breakdown before a perfomance, and needing some support. Just how cruel of me would it be to forsake him now? I couldn't leave him alone.

"Please," he added with pleading eyes, trying to swallow down his nerves.

"I'm not going anywhere," I reassured him.

He breathed a quiet sigh of relief and then looked down at his hands fiddling about with the things on the desk beside him, as if he couldn't quite face me anymore.

I turned around and cast my eyes swiftly around the room as I twiddled the tip of my hair. Matt's nervousness was being contagious and I found myself approaching the coffee table which'd been arranged in a makeshift buffet. Just like Charlenne had before me, I poured myself a glass of Champagne and then stuffed the bottle back in its bucket; the rattling sound of the ice cubes was loud in the otherwise quiet room. It was my fourth drink of the evening and I mused over the fact that I should probably take it slow, or else I would end up in the same state than Alex.

With my fingers wrapped around my glass, I moved over to the set of desks lined up against the wall opposite Matt. I skirted around one of the leather chairs and instead sat directly on one of the desk's worktop, letting my feet dangle in the air. Now that I had settled down, I took a sip of my drink and studied the bundle of nerves in front of me.

Matt was fidgeting: touching his hair, rubbing his face now and then, smoothing his black top. He kept walking back and forth like a cat on hot bricks, as if he couldn't stand in one place for more than a second. Honestly he was beginning to make me feel dizzy, and for once it wasn't because of his smocking hotness.

"Matt..." I paused, a bit bewildered. I'd never seen him that stressed out because of a gig before. "It's gonna be fine," I said. But then I rectified myself. "What am I saying? It's not going to fine, it's going to be _incredible_."

He slowed down a bit and gave me a small smile in return. "Yeah, I know." But it was all of five seconds before he worked himself up into agitation again. "Can you believe that there aren't even any bananas?" he complained, racing through each word and indicating the coffee table with a movement of his hand.

I almost choked on my sip of Champagne. "What?" I asked disbelievingly. That just couldn't be the reason why he was so fidgety, 'cause if it was...then he was even weirder than I knew.

Matt seemed to catch on what I was thinking. "It's not a whim!" he defended himself. "Bananas have natural beta blockers in them. It weally helps with your nerves!"

Ah. His pronounciation was beginning to slip, which meant we were getting higher in the Matt's stress/excitation scale...

"Really?" I wondered, trying not to sound too amused.

"Yes, weally!" he insisted, apparently not picking up on the teasing tone in my voice. "Bananas are a fantastic cure for nerves, just like a good run is a cure for depression."

"Is that why you've turned into a bananaman and you can't get enough of them now?"

"Yeah, partly, yes, but- but- We're getting off topic!" he fired away, frustration spilling over as his stress morphed into irritation. "You don't understand! Dom and Chris, they've had days to stomach this. But I didn't. I mean, I'm so grateful for this, I know how lucky I am, I know it's amazing... But I'm not ready!"

I winced at the panicking tinge that'd just crept into his voice. "Matthew..."

"I didn't wake up this morning knowing I would be here tonight," he continued, speaking scarily fast. "We haven't even rehearsed! And we're running late! What if I can't play right? What if I forget the lyrics? Wha-"

"Alright, stop here," I interrupted him firmly.

He obeyed and words stopped flowing out of his mouth but he was almost hyperventilating and his eyes were screaming.

"Take a deep breath, relax," I said gently, trying to be calm for both of us.

He took my advice and started breathing deeply, leaning against one the chair's backrest on the other side of the room. Meanwhile I set aside my glass and opened one of the drawers of the desk I was still sitting on.

"If I'm right and this is a make-up room," I mumbled to myself as I fished around in the drawer, "then surely there must be... a-ha!" I said triumphantly when I finally found what I'd been looking for.

A plain white and blue aluminum tube, which contained some simple, basic moisturizing cream. "Okay," I sighed, quickly reading the ingredient list on the tube. "Come here," I then said to Matt, taking his jacket off at the same time.

I unscrewed the cap and then wafted the tube back and forth under my nose until the sweet baby powder scent of the cream reached my nostrils. I smiled but then noticed that Matt hadn't moved an inch and I glanced up at him. A guarded and unsure expression was flickering across his face while we watched me.

"Come on," I prompted him again and beckoned him to come closer.

Still looking a little doubtful, he obliged. While he was on his way, I took my shoes off and dropped them on the floor. Then, feeling lazy, I reached for the chair in front of me with my feet and spun it around so that it faced Matt.

"Sit."

He looked utterly bemused but he only hesitated for a few seconds before turning around and plopping down on the leather of the chair, which faintly creaked under the sudden weight. I leaned forwards and this time I used my hand to roll the chair towards me until the backrest touched the edge of the desk between my legs. I rested my feet on the armrests of the chair, on either side of Matt, and wiggled a bit on the desk until I felt comfortable.

"Let's get rid of that," I said as unclipped Matt's silver necklace before dropping it onto his lap.

He caught it, then twisted around and peeped at what I was doing.

I squeezed a generous bead of moisturizing cream out of the tube and into my palm then rubbed my hands together to warm them up. I glanced down at Matt at some point and met his blue irises, brightened by curiousity.

I lightly poked his cheek with my forefinger. "Turn around."

I smiled as he swiftly complied and looked straight ahead of him. He could still see me in the mirrors on the opposite wall though.

Eventually I deemed my hands warm enough. "Right. Now just try to be still and relax, okay?"

He just nodded in response.

The chair's backreast wasn't very high and was giving me complete access to his neck and shoulders. I had already given massages to a good number of people in my life: to my mother, to Jack and Alex absolutely countless times, to Charlenne, to Lise, Emily... When Dom'd learnt that I wasn't too bad a masseuse, he'd tricked me into giving him one or two. But never Matt. I'd never given Matt a massage. So when I looked at the pale strip of skin, sharply contrasting with the pure black of his hair and of his top, it was me who hesitated this time.

My gaze flicked up against my will and my line of sight connected with Matt's once again, in the mirror on the other side of the room. My eyes darted away immediatly and my cheeks heated up.

I compelled myself not to think, or else I would never be able to touch him, and placed my hands on his neck.

He stiffened a bit at the contact and I encouraged him once again to relax and to breathe. For a while, I just lightly rubbed the nape of his neck in slow, gentle movements, to get the both of us used to the feeling and to warm up his own skin. Thankfully the moisturizer was meant for dry skin and so it was pretty rich; it would give us some time before completely setting into our skins.

When he'd eased up a notch, I started rolling his skin between my fingers, kneading the muscles at the base of his neck, and he instantly tensed up again with a sharp intake of breath.

"I'm sorry," I apologized sincerely. "But I need to release those knots..."

"Yeah, I know," he answered through gritted teeth, his voice strained because of the temporary pain.

I continued to work the stiffness from his neck and slowly but surely the tenseness of his muscles gradually faded. His breathing deepened and became calm and steady. I saw in the mirror that he had closed his eyes and his features were relaxed. I added a bit more cream and I was now alternating between relaxing strokes and compressions; sometimes my palms were in full contact with his skin and sometimes I just used my fingertips to draw small circles around his muscles.

I didn't notice it when my motions slightly changed. I just let my hands move on their own, following my instincts without realising it, not really paying attention to what I was doing. My fingers slid under the hem of his top and I slowly massaged outwards, maneuvering my hands under the cloth so that I could knead and rub his shoulder capes. The skin of his nape had redden due to my previous attentions and it suddenly occured to me just how supple his muscles had become.

I was enjoying the texture of his skin- warm, smooth, soft- and my hands trailed forwards, to the front of his neck, never leaving his skin. I felt him swallow as I gently pressed my fingers under his chin and traced convoluted patterns along his jawline, towards the back of his ears. I rotated my thumbs there and I was nearly certain I'd felt him tremble for a second, like he'd just purred or something, but he only did it once and I couldn't be absolutely sure.

Nonetheless, that flitting sensation warmed my belly, and my own breathing started to speed up. Soon I wasn't massaging anymore but only cuddling his face as I bent over him a little. My hair slipped from my right shoulder and formed a blond curtain, hidding the room's door from my sight. I felt shielded and safe, wrapped up into an intimate cocoon with him, connected to him. His hand came up to wrap around my right forearm, he turned his head slightly, and soon I felt the moist, soft pressure of his lips against the inside of my wrist. His warm breath against my skin sent shivers up my arm, he pressed a kiss to my palm and my other hand trailed up to his hair, combing through the silky black strands and then...

Someone off to my right cleared their throat.

My head jerked up at the disturbance, hair whipping around my face. Dom was standing there, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes flickering with amusement as he gazed at Matt and myself, and it was just impossible to tell how long he'd been observing us.

You have to see the big picture here: Matt was sitting between my legs and the two of us were practically canoodling. I straightened up at once, yanking my hands away from Matt. My face was scalding, my heart beating around my chest like a pinball and I felt like I was about to die from embarrassment.

"He was...tense," I blurted out as I pointed at Matt, trying to save appearances which were obviously unsaveable.

Dom smirked. "Reaaally?" he chimed, raising his eyebrows. "Still feeling tense, Bells?"

Matt slowly stretched himself with a low satisfied groan. "No, not anymore," he softly answered, as he rubbed his eyes and then wiped a hand over his face.

When he stood up I pushed the chair away and I jumped down off the desk, all the while careful not to meet Matt's eyes. But without warning he took my hand in his and I had no choice but to look back at him. He brought our hands up to his mouth and laid a kiss on mine.

"Thank you. It helped. A lot."

I had to block out the sharp, electric thrumming that this particular kiss sent coursing through me. Despite the cool tone of his voice, his eyes were aflame, burning with the same desire than when we'd been on the rooftop.

The air in my lungs had deserted me and I had to part my lips and take a deep breath through my mouth to be able to answer. "I- y-you- you're welcome." I tugged my hand from his and my eyes found the floor again.

What was _wrong_ with me? First the rooftop and now this? This which _I _had initiated? Which was entirely _my_ fault? The ocean of guilt in my mind swelled, doubling in size and it was all the more I had to hold back behind my precious mental dam.

I put on my shoes again while Matt joined Dom's side and the two of them started chatting animatedly. Matt's nervousness seemed to have completely evaporated and he was laughing and smiling like the happiest person in the world. And, oddly, the corridor was all of a sudden full of people again. I became suspicious, wondering if all of this hadn't been schemed beforehand after all.

Matt, Dom and Chris were surrounded by the nightclub's staff again; Tom was here with his video camera running, his date and Charlenne standing next to him.

I edged towards Charlenne, carefully staying outside the view of Tom's camera. "Where the hell have you been? !" I hissed to Charlenne while frowning, showing my discontent.

She seemed taken aback by my aggressiveness, staring back at me with round eyes. "Well, I was just..." she paused and cocked a thumb back towards one end of the corridor. "On the second balcony," she completed. "It's kinda reserved for us, the whole sixty of us. But where were _you_? I was looking for you..."

Okay, I was just being paranoid. Charlenne had nothing to do with all that; I wasn't some plot's target. I just needed to admit that I had to take some responsibility for what had happened back there.

My pugnacity imploded like a punctured balloon. "I was here," I mumbled.

Suddenly feeling sheepish, I turned my attention back to what the others were saying.

"...ten-minute briefing about the effects and the catwalks," a lanky guy was saying, his hand up to his earphone but looking at Matt.

"Sure," Matt answered before Dom whispered something in his ear which made him burst out giggling again.

"So I guess this is it!" Dom exclaimed, flashing a brillant smile at Tom's camera.

"Yep, have a good gig guys!" Tom said as was the ritual.

"Break a leg!" Charlenne added.

I hadn't planned on saying anything but Matt's eyes found mine again and I couldn't stay tongue-tied.

"Have a good time," I simply wished him.

He smiled and nodded. "I will."

"We'll see you after the gig," Dom said as our two groups began to go their separate way. "And prepare yourselves to...be _amazed!_" he added theatrically before turning around, emphasizing the last word with large movements of his hands.

Charlenne chortled and then turned to me. "Hardly full of himself, huh?"

"Come on, let them have their fun," Tom answered her while turning his camera off.

Still slightly shaken, I didn't reply, but instead I let them lead me through the corridor towards the balcony, all the while trying to prepare myself. Trying to prepare myself to me amazed.

* * *

title: 'Under Your Spell' - Desire + 'In Your Touch' - Fefe Dobson

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	57. Bringing me out of the dark

**UNDER YOUR SPELL (3) Bringing me out of the dark**

I rested my forearms on the balcony's plump balustrade- the chromed surface felt cold, not yet warmed up by the human heat filling the room- and I leaned over the curved edge, peering at the throng below. The pulsing space that made up the main area was crowded with bodies, the number of people packed together per square metre growing higher and higher the more you got closer to the stage. Their talking was filling the air, now definitely towering over the music, which had been slightly turned down.

Alex's voice drifted towards me and I twisted my gaze around, drawing away from the balustrade a bit, looking for him to check how his drink addled brain was copping.

He looked better than the last time I'd seen him, when he'd been slightly teetering and slurring words. He still seemed a bit peaky- though it was hard to tell in this dark blue light in fact- but he was smiling and standing straight now, a few feet to my left.

"How are you doing?" I asked him, turning to him and jabbing a finger at his ribs to get his attention since he'd been talking to a couple I didn't think I knew.

"Hey!" he complained, lightly slapping my hand out of the way. "M'doing perfectly fine, why do you ask?"

"Oh, I don't know, I'm just checking. You see, I wouldn't want you to puke right in the middle of the gig!" I quipped.

"Whaaat?" he asked, playing dumb and tittering, trying his best to hide his embarrassment in front of the couple. "I don't know what you're talking about, I feel great!" And he swiftly changed the subject, turning away from me and so casting me out of the conversation to prevent me from harping on the issue again.

Lise had witnessed our exchange and she leaned closer to me. "He got sick while we were still at home," she confided, making me smirk. "But don't worry, I'm keeping an eye on him. Just in case."

I made a face that said 'yeah, you'd better' before turning to the balustrade again.

Charlenne had been wrong, the balcony wasn't reserved for us, there were other people here. But still, the tickets for this balcony must have been the priciest, and they were limited in number. We weren't more than a hundred up here and so every single one of us had a direct access to the circular balustrade and therefore an unmatchable view on the stage. Our position certainly was more comfortable than if we'd been on the dancefloor- or should I say: in the 'pit'- but on the other hand, the people down there would be standing much closer to the stage than us.

I knew I shouldn't have cared so much- afterall, the three musicians were my friends, one of them was even living with me!- yet when I was attending one of their gigs, the fans' utter eagerness always got to me. Their energy radiated out like powerful waves and when these vibes reached me, they took hold of me like a fever and I just transformed into another nearly-hysterical fangirl. Of course the fact that I was a great admirer of their music myself helped a lot but the 'mob mentality' always seemed to disinhibit me a little more.

It was now 11:10 pm and still no sign of them. I started to fidget with impatience. "Where are they?" I wondered outloud, sweeping my gaze over the room. Dom's drum kit had pride of place on the round stage in the centre of the dancefloor. But the drummer was nowhere to be seen. Where would they come from? The stage had been quickly set there for the occasion, there just couldn't be any hidden trap doors...

My eyes finally stopped on Charlenne, who was standing to my right. She was looking straight ahead, staring very intently at something.

"What are you looking at?" I asked her, trying to follow her line of sight. She was either fixing someone on the other side of our balcony, or she was gazing into the void.

I wasn't the only one getting pretty impatient apparently, and just after I'd finished my sentence, some clamour began to rise from the crowd. They started to chant Muse's name over and over again, like bewitched followers calling out to their king.

Charlenne ignored it and pointed at something high up in the middle of the room, her eyes narrowing. "What is that?" she said over the incantation-like chanting.

"What is what?" I had to rise my voice as well.

"That thing there... It looks like it's floating... Can't you see it, this sort of metal rail?"

I breathed in with the intention of telling her that no, I wasn't seeing anything, but suddenly I _did_ glimpse something. My eyes focused on the mystery thing that- just like Charlenne had described- seemed to be floating in the air. And yes, it _did_ look like a long, gleaming metal rail, cutting through the space in front of us. I ran my gaze on the curving rail; perhaps if I could keep track of it and find out where it began or where it stopped, I would be able to understand what it was.

Yet before I could reach one end of the rail- and so before I could shed some light on the matter- the blue glow in the room suddenly waned, until we were all standing in nearly complete darkness. The house music was switched off as well. The change turned the regular 'Muse, Muse, Muse,' chorus of the fans into indecipherable screams and cheers and the place scintillated with photoflashes; the overwhelming enthusiasm pervading the room worked it's way into my blood and I couldn't suppress the excitement that filled me from head to toes.

"Oh my God, it's gonna be awesoooome," Charlenne singsonged.

I felt like exploding too but I managed to keep myself under control, despite the frantic beating in my chest and the heat surfacing on my face.

We were left in the obscurity, continuously ripped by the sparkling glints of the cameras- though what was the point, the pictures would be ruined by the lack of lighting anyway- and full with the fans cheering, for perhaps a good minute.

And then Dom's bass drum resounded, twice. And with it, Dom introduced the concept of bass-throbbing floor to the people standing on the dancefloor. As if it wasn't enough, lights effects accompanied the sounds and the floor lit up in red, twice as well.

What a tease. Even if we couldn't feel it here, on the balcony, I knew the sensation. To have the music's sounds reverberating through your body... It felt exhilarating.

Of course it had the expected impact on the crowd which first voiced its surprise and then its delight.

After a few more seconds of suspense, I heard the faint four taps of Dom's drumstick against each other and ceiling spots illuminated the round stage as music erupted in the room.

Chris was standing behind Dom, the two of them were back-to-back and they played together a jam that was alien to my ears at this time but which I would later know as the Helsinki Jam. I still had no idea how they'd reached the stage by the way. From the floor? The ceiling? Well, nevermind, at least they were here!

Of course the jam was mind-blowing, but what a strange way to initiate a gig! Where was Matt? ! Had this been planned or were Dom and Chris just trying to buy Matt some time? But some time for what?

It lasted for a couple of minutes then the stage was only lit by a ruby red glow and the audience clapped and whistled. Dom gave the crowd surrounding the stage a quick wave, flashing his unique gleaming smile and I think that a girl not far from him fainted. Or she pretended to faint. Either way, I saw her drop and then disappear into the rest of the huddle. Poor girl...

Without warning a guitar's chord resonated. My heart skipped a beat, and the girl was instantly swept out of my mind.

The note was held for a few seconds, ghosting through the air, tantalizing. Matt was still invisible in body, but his presence had undeniably taken over the room. The audience roared its approval, fangirls were screaming louder than ever and it did nothing to help me subdue the euphoria rising inside me.

Matt strummed his guitar, bringing throbs of light in the room, and I could suddenly discerned his silhouette: a dark shape, which seemed to be crouching in the air, about twenty feet above the ground.

'_What the heck is wrong with this room's physics? !_'

Suddenly the dancefloor was flooded with light- giving us a more stable sight of our surroundings- and our three rockers started playing a long, piano-less, rousing version of In Your World's intro. The music blasted out from the sound systems absolutely flawlessly, the bass thunderous and the mids and highs crystal clear. Seriously it felt like the entire room was vibrating.

Matt pushed himself up to his feet with fluid grace, and as I watched him I saw two chromed metal rails on either side of his feet, and the pieces in my head fitted together. All of a sudden everything made sense.

"Catwalks!" Charlenne and I exclaimed in unison, having reached the same conclusion at the same time.

Of course! The plexiglass, the rails, the catwalks the staff guy had been talking about... They were all linked. Now that I could see the one Matt was standing on, the others became easier to spot.

Catwalks were cutting through the air in the room: they were narrow bridges made of the same transparent plexiglass than in the corridor, bordered my those sleek rails which had intrigued Charlenne and me so much. Three were radiating out of the stage where Dom and Chris were, and they rose, arched and veered, creating a network of walkways that would allow Matt and Chris to circulate freely above the crowd. One was even extending and spiralling pretty high up- higher than our balcony's level- disappearing over our heads into the flies. So that was where they'd come from!

Those brigdes weren't usually there. Just how _much_ was this gig costing to the club? The tickets had probably barely covered the expenses. Having built all that for only one unique show... Aside from the prestige, the nightclub wouldn't gain anything from this night. Mia must have _really_ been smitten with Dom.

Matt strutted down the nearly-invisible trail towards the stage, pausing a couple of times because he couldn't help jumping a bit, and I suddenly hoped that the plexiglass was durable _and_ that Matt was connected to some kind of steel security cable...even if I couldn't see any.

When Matt reached the stage, he went straight for the microphone and his voice filled the air, perfectly balancing the music.

The monitors had finally been switched on and cameras focused on either the visage or the hands of the three. There were a couple of screens, including a very large one embedded in the first balcony's baslutrade in front of me, which were all displaying the same close-up of Matt's face. And as I watched him, either closing his eyes and concentrating on his singing or running his gaze over the throng with a pleased expression in his eyes, I knew that Dom'd done it. This was the best 20th birthday party London would ever know.

The acoustics were excellent, every one was close enough to have a proper view of the stage, you could tell they were having a blast playing the song and the audience was electrified. It was perfect.

Once the song wound to a close, Matt greeted and thanked the fans, his words adding even more cheers to their ovation.

The lights transformed and darkened, adjusting to the mood, and after a few distorded rasping sounds produced by Matt as he glided his plectrum along his guitar's strings, Citizen Erased's first notes sent the crowd jumping and jostling around.

Chris climbed on one of the catwalks at a leisurely pace, headbanging harder than ever, whereas Matt stayed close to Dom, wandering around the stage with little ecstatic bounces. Matt was playing a heavier version than usual and it totally worked, giving the song a more intense, transcended touch.

_Break me in, teach us to cheat_  
_And to lie, cover up _  
_What shouldn't be shared _  
_And the truth's unwinding _  
_Scraping away at my mind _  
_Please stop asking me to describe_

_For one moment _  
_I wish you'd hold your stage _  
_With no feelings at all _  
_Open minded I'm sure I used to be so free..._

Somewhere around the second chorus, the bass and drums suddenly gave the guitar a clear field and Matt firmly planted his feet on the ground and played a riff that was quite possibly awesome enough to wake the dead. He was standing under a strong beam of light, his guitar reflecting it into a bright glare and, honestly, right in that very moment, he was a god in my eyes.

My eyes stayed glued to his form after that, admiring him wholeheartedly and following him around until the song became softer and he stepped onto another catwalk that was in fact a little bridge connecting this stage to another one, round as well but smaller and off-centred. I hadn't even noticed it until now.

This new little stage was harbouring a magnificent black piano and soon Matt stood behind it and I watched on the screens, mesmerized, his long skilled fingers gently pressing the keys as he played the outro.

_Wash me away_  
_Clean your body of me_  
_Erase all the memories..._  
_Only bring us pain _  
_And I've seen, all I'll ever need..._

His angelic voice had given me the chills and while the crowd applauded I took a step back from the balustrade and ran both my hands in my hair, closing my eyes and breathing hard, just trying to recover really. Even with all the noise in the room I still heard the little sniff off to my right. That made me open my eyes again; I curiously glanced at Charlenne and saw that her own eyes had filmed with tears. She felt my gaze on her and turned to me; and we both chuckled at how ridiculously moved we were.

The piano notes kept echoing throughout the room, clear and pure, as Matt wasn't ready to let go of the keyboard just yet. His hands were running from one end to the other, fast and precise, undertaking a glorious and virtuosic exploration of the range of the piano. The room was quieter than it'd ever been since we'd arrived, people were listening in silence, out of admiration and out of respect.

The melody subtly changed, becoming more structured, the arrangement of notes wasn't due to simple instant inspiration anymore but was following a precise path. It reminded me of something but I couldn't quite put a name on it... All I knew was that is was a famous, classical piece, full of colour and musical poetry.

"I know that!" Charlenne exclaimed, snapping her fingers a couple of times as if it would help her find the name quicker. "Lise, help me here, you know that piece!"

Charlenne's sister wasn't a musician herself, but she had a passion for classical music, piano pieces in particular.

"Hum," Lise said to my left, "I think it's something from Liszt..."

I gasped, emotion choking me for a second. I gulped and looked back at Matt below, my eyes suddenly burning with looming tears. "Love Dream..."

"Exactly," Lise confirmed. "It's Love Dream. He plays it so beautifully..."

The last time I'd felt like crying while listening to music, it'd been because of Matt playing the piano as well... I seriously needed to get a hold of myself. I wiped my eyes, trying not to ruin my make-up- not that I cared much about it, but I didn't really want to look like a sad racoon either- and I sniffed, suddenly grateful for Charlenne's previous tearing up which made me look a little bit less suspicious and isolated.

How Matt could perform such a piece with his eyes closed half of the time was bordering on the miraculous. I could only imagine how many times he'd played it...

I didn't know whether or not Matt had warned Dom and Chris about this, but in any case this was no coincidence; I knew it was dedicated to me. And, for once, I didn't torture myself over it. I accepted Matt's gift freely; this was probably a one-in-a-lifetime moment and I wasn't going to taint it with guilt. I listened in awe, amazed and honoured that Matt had associated such a rich and powerful masterpiece to my personality.

Matt couldn't help stamping his own personal style on the piece and eventually, after a minute or so, it sounded completely Muse-like until it finally turned into the intro of Space Dementia. Dom and Chris joined him to complete the song.

Next came House of the Rising Sun, Showbiz, New Born, Hyper Music, Megalomania and Feeling Good. Their performances ranged from raw emotion to technical ferocity as they gave vent to their passion. The lights- either on the screens or coming from the spotlights- were made of the purest, most beautiful colours I'd ever seen in a concert, smoke billowed from the stage from time to time and they played with panache and conviction, fueling the crowd's elation with their power.

After Feeling Good, Matt's guitar could be heard again- taking over from the piano that had dominated the last two songs- but the tone was slightly different than before: brighter, rough and loud. It was a very distinct sound, instantly recognized by the fans. And while the crowd voiced its exultation, Matt's guitar produced a long, air-raid-siren-like sound.

Charlenne gripped my arm, squeezing it as she squealed. "Oh my God, it's Plug in Baby! IT'S PLUG IN BABY!"

And sure enough, just a couple of seconds later, Plug in Baby was being played. The crowd went _completely_ mental, jumping and screaming along with their hands up in the air. And by 'crowd' you have to include us: Alex, Lise, Charlenne and I had our arms around each other's shoulders and we bounced together, singing our heads off when the chorus came. Matt first sang with us, taking deep, long breaths between each sentences, then he just played along, letting us sing on our own while he skipped around the stage, spinning and kicking the air, clearly far gone into his own little world. He only went back to the mic for the last verse.

_And I've seen your loving _  
_Mine is gone, mine is gone, _  
_And I've been in trouble..._

His fingers flew on the frets and he dropped to his knees, bending over himself as if to cuddle his guitar, and just gave himself over to the music he was so enraptured by. By the time he played the last notes we were all intoxicated by the music and clearly overexcited.

"Uuggh! I wanna go down theeeere!" Charlenne suddenly wailed, eyeing the crowd below with envy.

"Oh God, so do I!" I spontaneously replied, turning to her. "I want to go down there so damn much!"

She looked at me and I saw in her eyes that we were on the same wavelength. She grabbed my hand and pulled me behind her with an enthusiastic: "Let's go!"

Alex did a double take when he saw us head for the flight of stairs leading to the first balcony. "But- Where're you going? !"

"In the pit!" Charlenne returned him before I could, throwing the answer over her shoulder without even turning around.

"But you won't be able to come back!"

My brother's warning was muffled by the ambient background noise, but even if we'd heard him, I don't think we would have changed our minds. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, all we knew right now was that we wanted to reach the dancefloor and didn't care about the rest.

Twice we were held back by some kinds of bouncers, one for each balcony's access stair. And twice, Charlenne had to convince them that yes, we were aware that it was a one-way trip, we could go down now but we wouldn't be allowed to go up again later. While 5-feet-tall Charlenne battled with the second very large bouncer- the one guarding the stairs between the first balcony and the dancefloor- over the matter, I heard Matt's voice coming out of the speakers.

"Thanks very much!... Hum, we haven't played this next song for fucking ages so," he wavered, pausing for a second. "Huh, yeah, bear with us," he finally finished with a small chuckle.

And just as Charlenne managed to reach an agreement with the bouncer and yanked me forwards onto the dancefloor with her, Chris played an eletric guitar version of Unintended's intro, driving all the girls in the pit insane.

If the first level's balcony had been crowdier than the highest one we'd come from, it was nothing compared to this level: this place was like a sea of hot bodies grinding together. It didn't matter that warm air was always supposed to travel upwards in order to leave the freshest flows at ground level. Classical physics definitely didn't apply to this room.

When I'd been up high on the balcony, I hadn't really grasped the importance of the throng's density. But now that I was here, at its periphery, and now that I could see the wall of people in front of me, I realised it would be impossible to muscle into it.

'_We've made a mistake, we shouldn't have left our initial spot..._'

But of course, I hadn't taken Charlenne's iron will into account when I thought that. And she proved to be the most effective icebreaker there was. She elbowed our way through the crowd, trailing me behind her with a firm grip on my wrist, not once slowing down.

The fact that Unintended was currently playing was, without a doubt, extremely helpful. It was the softest song playing since the beginning of the gig. People weren't jumping or pushing around but holding their hands aloft and swaying them gently above their heads, or their lighter, when they owned one. They were cooling down, relaxing after Plug in Baby's fiery excitation. It was almost funny, to see all these people's faces, young or older, women or men, all lined with the same utter bliss; it felt like a real communion.

Charlenne slightly shoved a deeply-kissing couple on her way and I had to apologize for both of us when they grumbled. She only stopped when she deemed us close to the stage enough.

"Thanks," I chuckled, smiling at her.

She gave me an ear-to-ear grin in return and set her wig back into place on her head. The black strands of the wig were sticking to her forehead.

"Aren't you a bit hot under there?" I asked her.

"Ugh! It's horrible, a real oven!"

Her eyes flicked upwards when she finished her sentence and her face broke into a big smile again as her hand shot up into the air to wave at someone. I turned my face around to look up too.

Matt wasn't very far from the stage, a little bit higher, standing behind an upright microphone that had been placed on a little platform, which was in fact nothing more than a horizontal enlargement of one of the catwalks. Most people were moving calmly and slowly right now; so naturally Charlenne's energetic waving drew Matt's attention.

I saw his eyes widen a bit when we recognized us. A small smile flecked with surprise tilted his lips, and his voice slightly faltered for a fraction of second. He closed his eyes and focused on the lyrics.

I lightly nudged her side with my elbow. "Charlenne, stop it, you're distracting him."

She scoffed quietly. "Yeah, right. As if _I'm_ the one distracting him here..."

I frowned and turned to her, but at the same time Matt made whale-like sounds with his guitar between the two first verses, eliciting a few cheers from the fans and dashing any hope of a conversation between Charlenne and me. But anyway, we hadn't come here to talk.

_You could be the one who listens  
To my deepest inquisitions  
You should be the one I'll always love..._

Living the gig from downhere was much more impressive and immersive. The room seemed much bigger and I let my eyes wander around in wonder while the lowest sounds coming from all the instruments in the room lightly vibrated under my feet. I suddenly wished we'd come here since the very beginning...

Matt and Chris' guitars were both illuminated by white beams of light, shining especially brightly on Matt's silver Manson, while the rest of the room was bathed in a soft blue glow.

My chest constricted with emotion as I listened to Matt's entrancing voice and all the fans singing with him. It was so beautiful. I'd always tried to avoid getting this close to the stage during their concerts, I'd never wanted to find myself in a weak position nor to open doors which would only have created tensions between Matt and me. But here I was now, all moved and exultant and feeling more alive than ever. And Matt was acting sensibly, his behaviour irreproachable, as he focused on the song and avoided my gaze, or at least, didn't look at me more than he should have.

The song gained on passion, Matt pushing his voice a little bit more and his guitar getting louder...

_I'll be there as soon as I can _  
_But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before..._

And suddenly the people closest to the stage screamed a bit, some in surprise, some in excitement, and- not being far from it myself- I soon understood what was the agitation's cause. I felt something soft and wet touch my skin near my feet, startling me, and a little cry escaped my own lips. The substance started coating my ankles and bubbled up my legs.

Charlenne jumped and squeaked before wrapping both of her hands around my arm. "What the fuck is that? !"

People around us were moving away; we suddenly had a little more space, and I used the opportunity to bent one of my leg up and to gather some of the stuff in my hand. It was white, light and fizzy.

"It's foam!" I exclaimed. "We're in a nightclub, remember?"

We'd already attended a few foam parties at the Blue Spirit, we should have known they would use it tonight! And so that was the 'surprise' which required non-delicate clothes...

The foam machines were apparently located at the stage's foot and they kept producing the sliky matter until we were waist deep in it.

_I'll be there as soon as I can _  
_But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before_

_Before you..._

The crowd redoubled its acclaim as the song ended, and little fluffs of foam were thrown into the air, floating up and down over our heads.

Except for the spotlights directed at the stage, the lights were turned off. Matt and Chris joined Dom on the stage, smiling and talking among themselves. Dom's voice suddenly resounded from the speakers; it wasn't the first time he'd spoken tonight, but his voice always triggered a few screams among the women.

"Thanks again for being here tonight. Personally, I'm having the time of my life here..." People cheered again and Dom exchanged a few more words with the other two rockers, away from the mic's range. "Yeah... And hum," he resumed, "I'm sure most of you know that today is Matthew's 20th birthday," expected screams... "so if you could just wish him a happy birthday for me, 'cause I think he'd probably cover his ears if I started singing..."

People laughed and then more than willingly granted Dom's wish.

_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..._

Matt was scarlet, looking like he wanted to find a hole to hide in it, but his face had broken into a cute bashful smile.

Charlenne and I were singing too. "Happy birthday dear Matthew... Happy birthday to you!" I whistled and clapped with the others, laughing at Matt's reaction.

He rubbed his nose nervously then eventually went to one of the microphone to thank us. "Cheers," he said coyly, smiling sunnily and blushing harder than ever.

Then, the lighting transformed once more, turning into a deep red haze, and both Matt and Chris changed their instrument: Chris got his usual bass guitar back, and Matt looped a sharp, red and yellow guitar over his head. And after a few seconds, and with no apparent signal, the three musicians started playing Darkshines in perfect, harmonious unison. I clapped even harder. I absolutely adored the studio version of this song: the bass line was brillant, the guitar was perfect and Matt's voice...Jesus, Matt's voice...

If only I'd known. The studio version was _nothing_ compared to what was coming. Nothing at all.

I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of Matt's gaze, and I lost my smile. Because he wasn't smiling either. His eyes had turned molten blue, scorching with some ardent heat that I just couldn't ignore, not even in the feeble light. Just like that, with just _one_ look from Matt, I felt as if the ground had been wrenched from beneath my feet. And I was trapped.

He'd been ignoring me until now to put me at ease, to lower my defenses, only to capture me better now. He would be my charmer and I would be his snake, drawn by his hypnotising tune.

His eyes never leaving mine, he touched his lips to his microphone and he began unleashing his spine-tingling spell.

_Passing by... You light up my darkest skies..._  
_You'll take only seconds to draw me in..._  
_So be mine... and your innocence I will consume_

_Dark shines  
Bringing me down _  
_Making my heart feel sore _  
_'Cause it's good..._

Not even during the chorus had he looked away. And now he was playing without glancing down at his guitar, not once. You have to understand... He'd never stared at me like that. _No one_ had ever stared at me like that. With unreserved, devouring hunger. His voice was pure silk, the sound of it had made my skin prickle and his words- which he'd almost moaned rather than sung- his words seemed to wash over me like warm water, carressing me, beguiling me, binding me. The effect he had on me was so visceral, so powerful... And I only had twenty seconds to prepare myself for the next verse. Of course, it wasn't enough.

_Hold your hands up to your eyes again..._  
_Hide from the scary scenes, suppress your fears..._  
_So be mine... and your innocence I will consume..._

Smoke had started to rise from the ground around the stage again and I watched him in a daze, enthralled by the way it curled around his body, silhouetted in the eerie red light of the room.

_Dark shines _  
_Bringing me down _  
_Making my heart feel sore_  
_ 'Cause it's good_

_Your dark shines _  
_Bringing me down _  
_Making my heart feel sore _  
_'Cause it's good_

People had started to notice that he was keeping his eyes fixed on someone and were trying to find the object of his staring. But Matt didn't seem to care, and neither did I to be honest. And he went on playing the best, most expressive live guitar solo this song would ever know.

A flood of emotion, of which I had had no prevision, swelled up within me to fill my throat, suddenly threatening to consume me.  
Heat sprang to my face and neck, I felt the flush and its move down across my chest until it nestled deep into my belly. And as my body melted with desire, his gaze was set alight, and I knew he knew.

His eyes had been reading into me like in an open book, two blue neptunes boring into my soul, digging up all my secrets. And now he knew that I was like a stretched rubber band right now, which only goal was to ease the tension and find some kind of release. I wanted his touch, I craved it, I needed it more than I needed air.

Matt finally closed his eyes, sure of his victory, and his face was transfigured by intensity whilst he let out everything he had in his heart to pour it into the music.

_Dark shines _  
_Bringing me down _  
_Making my heart feel sore _  
_Because it's good_

While the room was throbbing with the throng's excitation and screams- celebrating the song's finale- three things happened simultaneously. One: Matt turned his back on me and took a few steps towards Dom's drum kit, but he was looking down, still struming away on his guitar. Two: the foam machines suddenly seemed to be working harder than ever and the dense sea of bubbles rose up and up. And three: having been released from Matt's stare and Matt's voice, and even though my mind felt groggy and slugishly slow, I clumsily started to walk backwards, bumping into the jumping, enthusiastic fans on the way.

I eventually reached a part in the crowd where people were less squeezed against each other and I thought I would be able to breathe more easily. But the foam's front hadn't stopped its ascent, now brushing up my neck, and it was beginning to feel oppressing. So, just like I'd done several times during the foam parties, I pushed the foam away with my hands, creating a little circular space around me where I wouldn't feel too smothered.

It kept going up. And just before the foam walls around me grew tall enough to hide the stage from my sight, I saw Matt jump into the crowd.

People screamed their heads off. And now that I was isolated into my private little alcove, I had detached myself from the others and the effervescence around me felt crazy and deafening. I closed my eyes and held my hands over my ears to cover them, but I could still feel the foam stir around me because of the crowd's movements, a constant reminder that I wasn't alone and safe.

I suddenly felt a presence, even if I hadn't seen nor heard it come close. Sometimes, you just know, you just feel. Just like a deaf and blind can feel the sunrays. I slowly pulled my hands away from my ears and I opened my eyes again.

How had he managed to reach me? How had he managed to escape the huddle? Miracle, magic, mystery. Whatever you want to call it. But it didn't matter now; the only thing that mattered was that Matt was standing in front of me.

Next thing I knew, we'd thrown ourselves into each other's arms and our lips collided.

This was nothing like our previous kisses, which had been rather tentative and shy. This kiss was hungry, ardent, and all-consuming. His mouth pressed hard against mine as I wrapped my arms possessively around him, crushing him against me. This time he didn't treat me like I was a fragile piece of Venetian glass. Our lips had just barely touched when his left hand grabbed the back of my head, fingers fisting in my hair, and he pulled me deeper into the kiss.

My pulse soared, prompting adrenaline to shoot through my veins and setting my nerves on fire, heightening my every sense. My mouth opened underneath his and as soon as the wet satin of his tongue slid past my welcoming lips, and I felt his lush flavour on my own tongue- a mix of cinnamon, dried cherry and bitter almond- I was gone. It sent me into a space bigger than my body, and I just gave in, letting myself burn into this deliriously sweet oblivion.

He was the embodiment of fire, of something wild and forbidden. Just pure, unadulterated passion. My knees were growing weak, and they eventually buckled. But his right hand had found its way to my lower back and when he felt me falter he grabbed my denim shorts' waistline and pulled my hips flush against him. The problem was that his guitar was still looped around him, acting as a barrier between us, and my pelvis hit its hard surface rather unpleasantly. My jeans' button actually scraped the strings and inharmonious, fucked-up notes clashed out of the speakers in the room.

I couldn't have cared less about the speakers or the crowd though, and I blithely hung onto him for dear life as his head tilted. Our tongues intertwined and his hand on my back edged under my top, his fingers leaving trails of electricity on my skin. My own hands were pressed against his shoulders and I let one travel up, rubbing against first his top and then his skin, passing the cold metallic line of his necklace, and then flowing through his soft hair.

Breath forgotten, hand curling into his hair, I revelled in that dizzy, glorious feeling in the pit of my stomach. But of course it couldn't have lasted for ever. An external pressure suddenly pushed against us from all directions. At first it was only annoying but then it became threatening. My brow furrowed but the fire in my belly hadn't been stoked enough and I didn't want to pull away; yet at some point, he was the one who finally broke the kiss and pressed his cheek against my temple. We were both breathing hard, the tremors shared between our bodies as we clung together.

They'd found him somehow, probably because of his guitar, and the fans eager hands were trying to tear him away from me. The lights suddenly turned ice blue, and I couldn't shake this feeling of danger. I tried to hold on to him but his hand in my hair unclasped and he tenderly stroked my cheek, telling me to let go. And I did. They would have ripped us apart if I hadn't.

Swallowed up in the crowd, he disappeared into the foam; leaving me feeling completely boneless, lost, and shaking.

* * *

**Don't forget to participate to the poll on my profile's page if you haven't already ;)  
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title: 'Under Your Spell' - Desire + 'Rolling In The Deep' - Adele

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	58. The innocent can never last

Hello! Happy New Year! ! ! ! :D

And thank you to Caro Bellamy and MattDomChris, as well as the 'guests', for your reviews!**  
**

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**UNDER YOUR SPELL (4) The innocent can never last**

I'd made my way through the cloakroom lobby and I now headed for the empty stairway. I managed to climb a few steps but my legs felt heavy, numbish, off-balance. I grabbed the handrail and leaned on it, needing the support. My pulse was hammering in my ears, my breathing was too short to be efficient and I almost felt like I was having an asthma attack, minus the wheezing part. I tried to suck in a long, slow breath. The stairs seemed to be swaying, dark specks were dancing in my vision and I closed my eyes. I just desperately needed the oxygen.

I willed my body to calm down and drew energy from deep, unknown areas of myself; merciful supplies of strength I didn't know I had. It helped me control the quivers of my legs so I didn't have to sit down on the steps. I knew that if I slumped down on the floor, I wouldn't be able to rise to my feet again without help.

Behind me, the gig was in full swing. Bliss' arpeggiated synths effects were echoing out of the main room, boucing off the walls and up in the staircase. I didn't have to look back to know that everyone was still jumping up and down and thoroughly enjoying the show. In other words, the world kept on spinning peacefully round as if nothing had happened. No hurricanes, volcanos or earthquakes were tearing through it like they would have been if the universe had been in tune with the little dramas of my love life.

Actually, a little shake would have been gratefully welcomed, for it might have roused me from my growing torpor. I was getting number by the second, as if I'd been given a shot of morphine and I was just beginning to feel its effects. My mind had been turned off- _I_ had turned it off- because I couldn't deal with the tsunami of emotions coming my way. Not now. Not yet.

I just knew I had to go up, the surface was my escape.

Up. One step at a time.

I slowly made my ascent, up the dark sleek stairs, the black steps lined with blue neons, just like in a plane really, as if they were showing me where to go. Up.

Up until I finally stepped onto the ground floor level; into the foyer which was the regular entrance of the nightclub. This room felt familiar, unlike the frigid white corridors we'd come through earlier.

The main doors slid open when I approached them and the chilly night air nipped against my skin.

Three bouncers were having a smoke, chatting and joking, just ouside the door. One by one they fell silent, and they quickly assessed me while I stood in the doorway.

"Are you alright, miss?"

The words were twisted and examined from all angles by my slugglish brain as I slowly worked out their meaning. There were still a few clumps of foam on my arms and on my clothes, my hair was damp and sticky because of it, I had no coat whatsoever, I was clinging to my handbag far too firmly than necessary- as if I was afraid it would run away- and there probably was a really haggard look on my face.

In short, I looked pitiful. The realisation hit me and I quickly caught hold of myself. I straightened up, my jaw tightened and I focused my eyes on the guy who'd talked to me.

"I'm fine," I answered icily. I was only angry because it was better than being ashamed.

I whisked the foam off of my body with the back of my hand and I briskly strutted out of the club, avoiding their puzzled gazes.

"Uh, miss, I should warn you," the same guy said just as I was about to exit of the red rope perimeter on the pavement. "If you-"

"I know," I snapped, cutting off his explanations. I didn't need another speech about one-way-trips. I didn't intend to go back into the club tonight anyway.

There were a couple of taxis waiting along the curb, but I ignored them and instead took a few shaky steps away from the cars and the nightclub and its bouncers. All the while I rummaged through my small bag, until my fingers closed around my cigarette pack. I hadn't smoked a single cigarette in five days and until ten minutes ago I was completely fine with that, but now the need suddenly felt compelling.

I fumbled with the package, my trembling hands working the fastener, and I eventually managed to pull one cig out along with my lighter. I cupped my hands to cut out the evening breeze and flicked the flint wheel repeatedly. But I couldn't get a proper flame out of the many sparks.

"Come on," I grumbled around the cigarette pressed between my lips. I shook the lighter- though there was no reason it would help- and I tried again a couple of times, yet it still wasn't working and my thumb was beginning to feel sore.

I gave up when I was almost certain that one more try would peel my thumb's skin off. "_Shit!_" I spat out, crumpling the cigarette in my hand and throwing it to the ground in disgust. The package suffered the same fate as I crushed it angrily in my grasp. I chucked it away in the nearest trash can- the lighter quickly followed- and then I buried my face in my hands.

Tears sprang to my eyes and one quiet dry sob escaped my throat. I wanted to scream, to curl up into a ball, to hit something, to wreck and sack everything, to cry until every last drop of emotion was wrung out of me. I needed it out.

I bitterly rubbed the burning tears from my eyes and forced a breath into my lungs. Then I shivered as a gust of wind blew past me, reminded me how lightly dressed I was. My eyes opened and I noticed that the three men at the club's door were staring worryingly at me. I had to quit making a show of myself.

I sniffed, fighting back the tears, and headed towards the first taxi in the line.

One of the bouncers scuried over and opened the taxi's rear door for me. Either they had been given instructions, or he'd taken pity on me.

"Thank you," I murmured, probably too low for him to hear.

Once seated, I gave the driver the apartment's address without looking up at him, because I was feeling self-conscious about my appearance. I was going to ruin his leather seat with my sticky skin and clothes...

However the driver didn't make any remark except for a polite acknowledgment and soon my door was shut- the lights in the car dwindled as a result- I buckled up, and we were heading home.

In the safe, quiet space of the car, I allowed myself to breathe. Suddenly feeling utterly exhausted, I rested the side of my head against the window and closed my eyes.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*DOM'S P.O.V.*

My heart was pounding, I was sweating, and my hands were flying wildly all around me.

Hell, we'd been off the road for too long! I'd missed this. My knuckles were throbbing and the muscles of my arms were burning, but it felt oh so good. I was invigorated, flexing my wrists nimbly in precise directions without even having to think about it.

Floor tom, snare drum, ride cymbal, snare drum again, ride cymbal once more, china symbal... My hands were living their own life, reproducing movements I had memorized in my subconscious by dint of long hours of hard training. Everyday little frustrations, every joy, worry, pain, dream... I was letting them roar, liberating myself from them all.

Matt had channeled his inner rock star and had dived into the throng, driving the fans insane. I'd seen him vanish into the sea of foam in a blink of an eye as the fans had greedily taken him in.

It was sort of disturbing, not being able to keep an eye on him. Just like not seeing the crowd properly was disturbing. I knew they were there, some of them were jumping high enough to be able to peek over the foam's surface, and there were a couple of girls sitting on their boyfriends' shoulders, but apart from these few exceptions, most of the faces around me had disappeared.

Chris and I wound up Darkshines after a short Matt-less outro, and the crowd- except the part that was clustered around Matt- exploded into cheers. I couldn't help chuckling a bit.

'_Acclaimed by an ocean of foam! That's so weird..._'

The floor-speakers that were circling the rim of the stage- and which we were using as monitors- were sending me back twisted, high-pitched sounds coming from Matt's mistreated guitar. I frowned and shifted uneasily on my leather cushioned stool. I was hoping that they would give Matt back in one piece...

Chris was traipsing around the stage, absently playing pinch harmonics on his bass guitar, and we exchanged a worried look. A minute passed and I was about to grab a mic and demand that our singer was returned to us, but I suddenly stole a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye. Matt had been pushed up above the crowd by a few fans near the stage and when Chris saw him he walked towards him and held out his hand, which Matt gratefully took.

Matt was hauled up onto the stage and he staggered a couple of steps forwards. Chris shared a few words with him, probably asking him if he was alright. He seemed fine to me, shaken but physically unharmed. His guitar was surprisingly still intact- though for how long, that was the question- and his hair and shoulders were covered by a thick layer of foam which he quickly brushed away with his hands.

I tried to catch his eye but he had something else in mind: he strode determinedly towards his standing microphone yet he ignored it and instead poked his pedal board with the tip of his foot. Then he was suddenly bouncing wildly around, playing a heavy riff that I'd never heard from him before but which reminded me a lot of RATM's Maggie's Farm riff.

My brows rose in surprise. Jesus, he could jump _really_ high sometimes! Did he have springs glued to his shoes or what? I didn't know where he'd found this sudden inspiration but he seemed pretty fired up, as if he was on 'fuck this! I'm still doing my outro' mode.

'_Well, whatever floats your boat Matt!_'

I picked up a beat and joined my playing to his. Chris waited a few seconds for the right time and inserted a bass line in the mix. And then the three of us were jamming out onstage just like we would have been doing in the studio.

The foam had started to melt and our audience was visible again. From what I gathered with a quick look, they were just as hyped up as us. It wasn't simple music anymore, it was a real catharsis! Our collective euphoria reached a zenith when Matt- after he'd displayed his growing mastery of guitar showmanship- held his guitar by its strap and spun it around a few times before smashing it against the only amp on the stage again and again until the strings were pitifully hanging from the guitar's neck. Poor Ibanez Destroyer had become Ibanez Destroyed... It was a glorious death though, celebrated by the crowd's thunderous applause as Matt collapsed onto the amp next to the guitar.

I was feeling the urge to destroy something as well but I couldn't switch drum kits like Matt could switch guitars and we had one more song to go. Although when I glanced at Matt who was still sprawled out on his amp, staring at the ceiling and panting, I wondered if the gig wasn't over already. He seemed spent, physically and emotionally.

Yet when a guitar tech- who'd just come out of nowhere and who seemed really uncomfortable being onstage- slid closer to where Matt was lying and handed him his silver Manson, the latter sat up on the amp and looped the Manson's strap over his head before pushing himself up to his feet. The tech collected the Ibanez Destroyer's carcass and quickly cleared off the stage, using one of the catwalks.

Matt and I finally met eyes. His were unreadable. "You okay?" I mouthed to him. He nodded. "Bliss?" I asked him. He nodded once again.

I looked over to Chris and he made me understand that he'd caught on my exchange with Matt and that he was ready. Perfect! Four clashes of my hi-hat and Bliss came to life.

We rocked it out. Billowing clouds of confetti floated continuously around us and huge balloons were dropped on the crowd while the fans were jumping in unison and singing along. Matt was perched on the amp, spinning under a flow of shiny confetti, his energy clearly back. I was completely absorbed into the song, which seemed to pass in a blur, and I barely saw Matt coming when he leaped over the drums set at the end. He partly crashed against the drums, partly landed across my lap. Chris joined us and soon we were all rolling around the drums, getting into a bundle, in a clumsy array of arms, legs and cymbals.

We eventually rose to our feet and for a couple of minutes we stood there, thanking the fans and the club's owners and staff, basking in the glow of the crowd's ovation while the confetti kept on falling but less and less numerous.

I was on cloud 9. Epic close down for an epic show.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

We were gathered in the large, wooden floored corridor; all really pumped after the gig. It was only the usual can't-switch-off-the-excitement effect. After playing for a great crowd, it always took us three or four hours to wind down.

"That was like pwoper fucking rock and roll!" Matt was saying to the face of Tom's camera. "Know what I mean? That was like fucking pwoper!"

I giggled at his enthusiasm. It may have been a bit girlish, but I honestly would have laughted at pretty much anything right now.

I was now deep in conversation with Tom and Mia- and trying to ignore the latter's eyelash batting- when Charlenne suddenly bounced down the corridor, fully smiling. Her wig was a complete mess, wild strands were sticking out in all directions, and the combination of melted foam and silver confetti had her looking like a girl-shaped disco ball...

She was smiling so brightly that I couldn't help grinning back but I didn't understand that she was about to jump into my arms until... Well, until she was already pouncing.

"It was WICKED!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around my neck. I stumbled a few steps back and she pulled me into a choking hug, taking me by surprise. I cast a look over her shoulder only too see that Mia was glaring daggers at her.

"Hum, excuse-me just a sec..." I mumbled nervously as I glanced an apology at Mia and Tom. I led Charlenne a few feet away from them and pulled back from her.

"Seriously, it was freaking epic! Fanbloodytastic!" Charlenne squealed again before I could say anything.

I'd been about to scold her for upseting the one woman thank to whom all this had been possible, but instead my face splited in two with a grin again. Vanity was definitely my greatest weakness.

"I know!" I replied cheerfully. "And I saw you in the pit! How did you manage to come back up here?"

She flicked her false fringe out of her eyes and shrugged. "Oh, it wasn't that hard... One of the security guard recognised me from earlier and he sort of escorted me here!" she explained, looking rather surprised, as if she couldn't grasp the reason behind the selfless gesture.

'_Naive little pixie..._'

She may have been covered in confetti, and so looking a bit ridiculous, but she still had the most dazzling smile. That and her low-cut neckline would have probably gotten her the favours of any man, even the gruffest of bouncer.

"Hey, where's Matt?" she suddenly asked, throwing me off my train of thought.

"Hum, well he's..." I turned around as I talked, expecting to see him there, in the corridor...except he wasn't. My brows drew together in confusion. My head whipped around to look at Tom again. "Tom, where the hell is Matt?"

He turned both his hands palm up and raised his shoulders. "I don't know, I don't keep track of his every move!"

Visibly slightly vexed by my clipped tone, he retreated into the closest room with Mia. Room that happened to be a comfy lounge where Chris, Kathy, Alex and many others had apparently taken up residence. I peered around the lounge but Matt wasn't there either.

"Dom," Charlenne called from behind me.

She was standing near another room's door. "In here," she said, indicating inside the room with a movement of her head. I followed her, and realised that this was the place where I'd caught Matt and Jade unaware before the gig...

There was a black leather, expensive-looking sofa at the far end of the room. Matt was lying on it, with one arm over his head and one leg bent.

On our way to him, Charlenne glimpsed her reflection in the mirrors and she gasped.

"You could have told me I looked like an idiot!" she fretted as she pulled off her wig and tried to brush the confetti off her shoulders.

I shot her a small smirk but didn't answer.

Matt had probably heard us come closer, nonetheless he didn't react. In fact, he was utterly motionless, except for the faint rising and sinking of his chest. I came over to half-sit on the couch's large armrest next to Matt's head, and Charlenne did the same on the other armrest.

I slightly bent over him. "Mattheeeew?"

His deadpan face didn't even twitch. I frowned and lightly tapped his forehead with my index finger a couple of times. "Hello? Anybody home? Have you gone into shock, Matt?"

His brow eventually creased a bit for a second and his eyes fluttered open. But he didn't focuse his eyes on me for all that, and instead he stared into the void.

"Welcome back," I said. "Was the gig so draining that you can't even stand on your feet now?" I asked him while I searched his face for some hint of why he'd isolated himself. It definitely wouldn't the first time he was acting weird after a concert, but still, I'd never seen him recoil in his shell like this while everyone else was ready to party...

"We kissed," he whispered.

The first thing that jumped to the front of my mind when I heard the word 'kiss' was the famous band's members' black and white face paint. And for a fraction of second I thought that perhaps 'we kissed' was a new expression Matt had just invented to say 'we rocked it as well as KISS'. But clearly his thoughts were already miles away from the stage and the music. So I asked him to specify.

"What? Who kissed who? Where? When?" I grilled him. "How? Chaste or French?" I even added, tittering.

He rubbed his eyes; he looked really tired. "Jade and I... After Darkshines."

I blinked disbelievingly. "I'm sorry, come again?"

He sighed and looked up at me. "In the foam, Dom."

The meaning of what he was saying finally washed over my mind and after I'd recovered from my astonishment, I felt a wide smile spread across my face. "The foam! That's so clever!" I exclaimed. "That's why you came out all passionate!"

At last! The two of them had _finally_ made out! "So how was it?" I wondered, honestly curious.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times; he looked disconcerted by the question, as if he hadn't expected me to ask it.

'_As if I'm not the kind to ask for details..._'

There was a sudden rush of colour to his cheeks. "Well, it- it was," he licked his lips and tried to articulated. "She...tastes like..." And then his eyes grew distant again. "Fucking heaven," he finished.

I scoffed and chuckled. "I don't know how she tastes like, but you sure sound like a lovestruck puppy! A rather rude one as a matter of fact!"

I was being sarcastic, but when his eyes dropped closed, when he brought his fingers to his lips and a look of such pure ecstasy came over his face, I hesitated. "Was it _that_ good?" I wavered doubtfully.

"Better."

I digested that for a second. "Well, fuck me!" I eventually exclaimed, a bit bitterly. I caught myself imagining how it would feel like... Kissing Jade...

'_Guess that _I_ certainly won't ever find out!_'

Oh, well. Matt was so infatuated with her, even if she'd been the worst kisser on the planet he still would have found it amazing. Probably.

"It wasn't the first time," Matt added with his eyes still closed, getting my attention back to the present. "Earlier, before the gig... When we were still at home, on the rooftop."

I had to process that again. I replayed in my head all that had happened since Matt and Jade had come down from that rooftop. Jade's strange behaviour suddenly became more understandable. But, wait, _before_ the gig?

"Why didn't you tell me? !" I accused him.

His eyes snapped open at my reproachful tone. "Dom... It happened, like, two hours ago..."

"Excatly! It happened _two hours_ ago! You could have told me!"

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking puzzled. "I'm telling you now."

I huffed and looked away. "Anyways. Where is she now?"

He tensed up all of a sudden; so naturally I glanced back at him. He was frowning. "I don't know," he said, sounding worried.

"What do you mean _you don't know_?" I frowned back.

He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the couch. "I thought she was with you guys!"

"She left."

Both Matt and I turned to look at Charlenne. She'd stayed so quiet until now, I'd almost forgotten she was here.

She took a big breath and resumed. "Just before Bliss. I saw her leave. She probably took a taxi and went home."

"You've got to go after her," I told Matt right away.

"There's more," Charlenne said, looking uneasy, as if she was feeling a bit guilty. "Jack's outside the club. He called Alex and I eavesdropped on their conversation. Apparently he wants to come inside; he thinks Jade's still in here."

Matt turned to me again and waned.

"Don't worry about him," I said, standing up and trying to sound confident. "I'll hold him back...somehow. Just go after her."

He nodded and stood as well. Then he reached in his pocket for his car keys and handed them to me. "I can't take the T-bird," he explained. "Not with the crowd that's still outside. I'll ask Mia if she can have a taxi waiting outside the backdoor for me."

"Smart thinking," I approved as I stuffed the keys into my own pocket.

Now that he had a goal, Matt hurried towards the door but he still took the time to smile at Charlenne and me in thanks before disappearing in the corridor. I noticed that he collected his jacket- the one he'd lent Jade and which had stayed in that room during the gig- before leaving.

I shifted my eyes to the only remaining person in the room. She stared back at me with big, innocent eyes.

"So, since when do you give Matt warnings about Jade or Jack's whereabouts?" I teased her.

She smiled sweetly. "Since when do you move heaven and earth to get Matt and Jade alone for a couple of hours?"

A small smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. "Fair enough."

"Are you gonna get Jack inside?" she wondered. Again, I saw that guilty look on her face. I realised that she was surely thinking she was betraying Jade by acting behind her back. And she was doing it for Matt.

"Yeah," I answered. "And we're probably gonna need these," I drew an imaginary circle in the air that encompassed her breasts, "to keep him distracted," I finished, grinning.

She giggled and I felt happy. I knew that her quick mind would most likely be a far more efficient weapon than her bosom, but I'd wanted to lighten the atmosphere and I'd succeeded.

"Are you in?" I asked, offering her my arm.

She beamed and curled her own arm around it. "Yes, I am!"

* * *

The inspired-by-RATM-riff actually exists, Matt plays it in the Hullabaloo DVD (which was recorded at the Zenith in Paris in 2001 btw) after Agitated, and just before smashing an Ibanez Destroyer for real... And, something else, don't forget that I said the story wasn't going to be a bed of roses just yet. So don't expect rainbows and ponies before a few chapters...

title: 'Under Your Spell' - Desire + 'Wake Me Up When September Ends' - Green Day

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	59. Eternity and a Day

Hey Musers!

Remember when I told you there were three major chapters in this story? Well, this is number 2.

Thanks for your support guys! :D**  
**

* * *

**UNDER YOUR SPELL (5/5) Eternity and a Day**

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

The taxi had just dropped me in front of the building where Jade's apartment was. Inside, it smelt slightly of dust and old wood. The hall was quiet and dark, barely lit by the orangy artificial light coming from the street and seeping through the staircase's windows. Each of my movements, even my breathing, sounded loud in the stony silence reigning over this place.

Even though I'd spotted the little red light indicating where the switch was, I didn't dare turning the lights on. I already felt like some sort of intruder, violating this dark peaceful haven where she'd taken refuge.

'_IF she really went home, that is..._'

I slid my fingers along the varnished wooden handrail, using it as a guide while I climbed up the steps, until I reached the right floor. I peered into the darkness and realised that her door was ajar. I frowned, suddenly feeling uneasy. The lights weren't on in the apartment either. Perplexed, I palmed open the door and it silently swung on its hinges while I stepped in. I took the time to push it closed behind me, as quietly as possible.

It was even dimmer than in the hall and stairway in here, and the streetlamps' light was casting long, eerie shadows across the walls and the furniture. I swallowed nervously. I'd never been particularly fond of the dark. I blamed the ouija board for that.

I cautiously padded into the living room, groping my way fowards to avoid bumping into any chair or similar. Once my eyes had adjusted to the obscurity, I cast an eye around, looking for clues about what was going on. _Someone_ had come home, and according to Charlenne, it was bound to be Jade. But why the unclosed door? Why the unlightened flat?

The thought that something might have happened to her nibbled its way in my mind, making my scalp prickle and turning my mind hyper-alert. Knowing that there was only one logical place for her to be right now, I headed for the bedrooms' corridor.

Just like the front door had been, Jade's bedroom door was half-open. Except that this time, a faint glow was coming out of the room, breaking the heavy gloom. There was at least one switched-on lamp in there.

I breathed a sigh of relief but didn't completely unwound either. I knew that finding her had only been the easy part, now was coming the hard one.

My body tense with...anticipation? Anxiety? Carnal desire? Probably a mix of the three; I started fowards, determined, but without really knowing what to expect.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

I couldn't even remember exactly how I'd gotten here. But I was back on my white padded stool, sitting at my dressing table again, staring into the empty eyes of my reflection...again. Just like before the gig, my lips were still hot from forbidden kisses, searing like they'd just been rubbed with red chilli pepper. Except this time I really looked like a mess.

I was barefoot, my hair was a tangled chaos and my mascara had eventually smudged a bit under my eyes. I'd tried to wipe off the offending matter as well as possible, and I'd managed to clean it up pretty well. Yet somehow, it still gave me a really tired look. But now, I _was_ really tired.

I felt drained. Drained of energy, drained of strength and, most of all, drained of peace. My mind wasn't functioning right anymore. It wasn't blank, on the contrary, it was overflowing with thoughts, but I couldn't concentrate on any of them. Whenever I tried to focus on an idea, it seemed to disappear and be replaced by another one. I couldn't think anything through.

I'd lost my bearings, nothing seemed set in stone anymore, nothing seemed solid enough to help me steady myself... Now that I was standing on the edge of a precipice.

For how long did I stay like that, trying to free myself out of entropy? It could have been minutes like it could have been hours. I could have remained seated there until I collapsed from exhaustion, if something in my environment hadn't been altered, thus dragging me out of my trance.

Movement. My eyes flicked towards the corner of the mirror and the sight I caught there suddenly woke me up with a start.

Heart in my throat, I jolted to my feet and whirled around, thudding my thighs against the table's edge. I grabbed the said edge behind me with both hands in an attempt to stabilize myself. How the hell had I managed to recognise him in the dark? My room was hardly lit, I'd only turned one lamp on: the floor lamp standing beside the dresser. In fact, I'd known it was him before I had really been able to see his face clearly, as if my subconscious could identify him only by his silhouette and posture.

Matt pushed the door open and his features finally came into the warm, feeble light. "Whoa, hey, relax," he said gently. "You look like you've just seen a ghost," he added with a small chuckle.

"Matthew," I breathed, almost choking on my own gasp. My face was burning, or more exactly, my entire body was burning, feeling like I'd just taken a dive in a pool of molten wax.

He would just be the death of me.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to squeeze out of my dry throat.

I hadn't meant to be aggressive, actually I'd sounded more afraid than anything else to my ears. Nevertheless his brows rose a fraction, and he seemed slightly upset by my tone. "Well, that's what I call hospitality," he ironized, a bit spitefully.

He'd been looking away while he'd been talking but then his eyes shifted to mine again. He looked pensive and wary, as if he thought we had started on the wrong foot and he wanted to try again.

"You forgot that," he stated, glancing down at his hand which was holding his jacket. "I've lent it to you for the night so..."

He walked over to my bed- and so came closer to me- and I pressed myself against the table a bit more, ending up practically standing on my toes. He frowned but still reached the bed and put his jacket down on it. Then, after a couple of tense seconds, he looked back at me with all the kindness of the world in his eyes, as if I were a wild animal he didn't want to scare away.

"Jade... Why do you look so afraid?" He seemed bemused. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'd never do that."

"Maybe not intentionally," my mouth replied without consulting my brain.

That silenced him. I could see so many questions, doubts, hopes streaming into his too-beautiful-for-my-comfort eyes, which he all kept to himself until he finally took a step towards me. I'd heard and seen his intake of breath and I knew he was about to speak but I immediatly stopped him, holding up my hands in front of me.

"Don't," I warned him, dodging around the dressing table's corner and taking a step back.

Did he know no boundaries? ! I couldn't remember ever having allowed him into my room! This was my ultimate ivory tower. Somewhere I could think, play the piano, rest, read, be serene... But now he had breached it, setting my peaceful and verdant world on fire.

Part of me was so mad at him and wanted to kick him out. Why wouldn't he leave me alone? ! But part of me was too afraid to even move. Afraid of him, afraid of myself, afraid of what he was he was evoking in me. And another, deeper part...just clamored to jump into his arms. Since we'd first kissed, I'd felt spellbound. It was a sort of alchemy, a connection, something I was trapped in. I loved it, but I hated it.

The weight of all the contradictory emotions was too great, I was so lost and confused, and I took another step backwards.

"You promised me," I reminded him weakly, sensing that I was being pushed into a corner, physically and mentally.

"I know," he returned me, sounding remorseful. "And I'm so sorry. I should never have promised you something I knew I couldn't keep."

"That's not an excuse!" I snapped. I'd been expecting him to be sorry for breaking his promise, not for making it in the first place!

His face hardened. "Don't put all the blame on me. We're in this together and you've got your share of responsibility. Do I have to remind you how you wouldn't let go of me on the dancefloor earlier?"

I swallowed around the lump in my throat and averted my eyes from his. "Wasn't myself..." I whispered.

"Excuse-me?"

I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath in. "Earlier...was...a mistake."

When I found the courage to open my eyes again, his had turned into blue slits. "A mistake?" he said with a frightening calm.

"Yes," I breathed.

Like a lion ready to pounce on his prey, he edged closer to me, forcing me to back off. "And on the rooftop?" he asked quietly.

"I tend to make a lot of mistakes tonight-" My back hit something behind me and it strangled my voice.

Matt had me up against the wall and the distance between us was dangerously becoming smaller and smaller as he kept on coming closer.

"I really think you should leave," I said, trying to sound firm.

He stopped advancing towards me once he was at arm's length. "What if I don't want to leave?"

His gaze dropped to my mouth with a touch of thirst, twisting everything I had inside me. Gooseflesh rippled down my body. "Then I will," I declared, pushing myself off of the wall with the last bit of self confidence I had left.

But without warning he grabbed my shoulders, and with a force that knocked the breath from my lungs he backed me right against the wall again and his lips descended over mine.

After an initial murmur of surprise, my hands flew up to his chest to ward him off, but he clasped my face in his hands and he pressed his body into mine, pinning me against the wall so I couldn't move. My protests were drowned out by the kiss and soon I ceased struggling against his grip with a muffled whimper. He sudden proximity was overwhelming, I could feel the ragged pounding of his heartbeat against my fingers which clutched to his top, I could feel his entire body against mine, radiating heat, taking me in, enveloping me, consumming me.

My carefully maintained self control had slipped out of my grasp and my traitorous body was responding to him. A warm desire unfolded deep in my belly and my mouth softened against his. My body relaxed and became pliant, shaping itself to fit the contours of his.

As soon as he felt the change and knew that I wasn't trying to push him away anymore, his restraining grip became embrace. He released the pressure on me but at the same time one of his hand slid down my back and he gathered me closer, pulling me tighter into him. His other hand move around my face to rest on the back of my neck. Without thoughts, my arms stole up about his shoulders and my lips parted, allowing him to deepen the kiss.

It was a sweet, long, drugging kiss. Less desperate than the one we'd shared in the night club, but definitely bolder than the roof one. I basked in his presence, intoxicated by his smell and taste, my mind lifting off from the surface of reality.

I couldn't remember pulling away, but eventually his lips slowly detached from mine, softly, savouring the kiss to the last second.  
He rested his forehead against mine but I kept my eyes closed, feeling faint, as if the room was whirling around me.

He inhaled, his breath choppy, and I heard him swallow. "Was this one a mistake as well?"

His voice was a tortured rasp and it sent heat and sensation slithering across my skin.

'_Shut up and kiss me again._'

I didn't voice my thoughts, it would have been a waste of time. Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck, one hand twisting into his hair, and I led his lips back to mine.

He was more than willing to oblige: his mouth molded into mine and he kissed me back with abandon. His hands roamed over my body hungrily and I let them, luxuriating in the feel of his touch. My soul was soaking up desire like a sponge, everything melted away inside me, and in my craving for him I made him stumble a step backwards. But he promptly pushed me back against the wall and my pulse quickened at the rough care. What had happened to me? I'd always dominated all my relationships, usually I hated not feeling in control, yet his brutish moves were pulling me irresistibly in. At that moment, he could have done whatever he wanted with me, I wouldn't have objected.

His lips left mine, allowing me to take in a very needed breath, his fingers tangled into my hair and he slowly- but somewhat forcefully again- drew my head back away from him so he could kiss my neck. I felt the tip of his tongue lightly glide over my skin and I sucked in air to combat the dizziness that was suddenly assaulting me.

His name slipped out of me in a breath and suddenly his mouth was on mine again. Our breathings, our sighs, and the noises our lips were making were the only sounds in the room. My arms tightened around him as I clung to him; I wanted to absorb him, melt into him. Our kisses were becoming more and more needy and fierce and at some point I felt his hands wrap underneath my butt and he lifted me. I encircled his waist with my legs, his hips instinctively bucked against mine in reply and I moaned into his neck. I was certain I'd never wanted anyone as much as I wanted him right now.

A low groan escaped his throat and, with his arms wrapped firmly around me, he pulled away from the wall. I heard glass shattering and my eyes flew open just as he set me down on the edge of my dressing table. He'd probably swept his arm across it to have some space and had broken the glass I vaguely remembered I'd left on the dresser earlier this evening. He didn't seem sorry though, and I didn't hold it against him. I couldn't have cared less.

When he pushed me backwards, following me down with his lips sealed to mine again, I reached behind me with my left arm to brace myself. And then the broken glass suddenly became a problem. A located, but sharp pain rung through my hand and I gasped. He immediately straightened up, taking me with him, away from harm.

My other arm was still wrapped around his neck but I pulled away just enough to be able to look down at my injured hand. Small specks of broken glass were embedded in my palm. Still reeling from the intensity of his passionate kisses, I stared at my hand in a daze, my mind slow at processing what had happened, and what was to be done about it.

He was the first to react. He delicately took my hand in his, and his long deft fingers began plucking the glass from my skin. I still felt stunned and even though the injuries were really superficial, my hand was numb. My legs unwound from around him and I just sat on the table's edge while I watched him he tend to me. There was a look of deep concentration on his face as he took care of me, and I was amazed by how gentle and efficient he was.

The last fragment of glass had sunk a little bit deeper than the others in my skin, and when he plucked it out it felt like a bee had just stung me and my face slightly twinged from the pain. My palm didn't bleed though.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his breath hot against my skin. His lips grazed over the back of my fingers and he kissed each knuckle softly, saving the little finger for last. We wrapped his lips around it and I felt his tongue lap over the flesh of my fingertip, making me sigh.

I closed my eyes and leaned closer to him, resting my forehead against the side of his face. I nuzzled my nose along his cheek, my heart suddenly overflowing with a newfound tenderness for him, and he snuggled his face against mine. Again, I felt this swelling, choking warmth in me. It wasn't lust, since it was making me want more than jut rip off his clothes. I wanted to cherish him, kiss him, breath him in until I could feel him in my blood.

Tears welled up in my eyes for no apparant reason and I drew away from him. "Matt...I..."

Before I could get a chance to express myself further, light suddenly poured into the room and a distant part of me realised that the corridor's ceiling lights had just been switched on. All happened really fast after that.

Panic flared within me and I pulled free of his embrace, getting back on my feet in a hurry. He backed off quickly and we parted from each other.

Charlenne had materialized at the door. I saw her cast her eyes around the room and I saw her face transform as she took in the scene in front of her. The broken glass on the table, Matt and I standing panting a foot away from each other, hair tousled, skin flushed. I was mortified, swamped with shame, and I found myself taking a step closer to where Matt was standing, hiding behind him, desperate to escape her searching gaze.

"Hum..." She sounded embarrassed, knowing she'd walked in on something very intimate. The room was charged with a tension that concerned no one else but Matt and me. "I...came here to warn you," she eventually said. Puzzled, I glanced up at her over Matt's shoulder. She was red-faced and staring at the floor. "The others are coming home. They'll be here in a few minutes." Then her big eyes, filled with remorse, flicked up to meet mine. "Jack's with them."

Jack. His name had the same bloodcurdling effect of a knife deliberately being plunged, in cold blood, into my belly. My chest heaved and I heard myself fight for air. "Oh no," I moaned, as a sick feeking lanced through my body. "No, no, no, no, no..."

Matt turned to me and his fingers curled around my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. "Jade, stay with me." He tried to gather me into his arms but I resisted, for once again I was torn between wanting to lose myself into his embrace and wanting as much distance as possible between us.

"Matt, please, you need to leave," I begged him, my voice hoarse with unshed tears.

"But I can't!" he exclaimed, fear palpable in his words. "Not if it means you'll try to forget it ever happened! We _have_ to talk about this! And you have to talk to him. He deserves to know and I _need_ to know how you really feel...for my sanity, please..."

His blue eyes looked terrified and I took his hands into mine and tried to reassure him, albeit I felt as scared as he seemed to be. "I'm not going to forget. I'll never be able to forget. But I need time. Just give me time, Matt! I don't _know_ how I feel!" my voice had risen an octave with that last sentence; I was verging on hysteria. "I need time to sort my head out, I need some time alone to think!"

He tugged his hands from mine, frustration spilling over. "You've had months to think!"

"Matt!" Charlenne said from doorway, warning, or chiding. I wasn't sure.

But either way, it had the expected effect on him. He sighed and seemed to resign himself. "How much time?"

I walked over to my stool and plopped myself down. "I don't know... A few days..."

"How many days?"

It was my turn to sigh now. A long, drawn out sigh. I rubbed my eyes as I answered him. "Five?"

I looked up at him. He was leaning against the wall, staring into the void. "Alright. Five days."

His tone of voice made me shiver. There had been a scaring finality to his words.

He raked his hand through his hair and, even though his body had taken on an 'I'm leaving' cast, his stance was unertain as if he didn't want to go just yet. Instead, he came closer to me and my eyes found the floor. Soon, I felt his hand brush over my cheek and I closed my eyes. I leaned into his caress, completely forgetting about Charlenne's being here, aware that it might be the last time he would ever touch me like that.

I was trying to carve into my memory the feel of his skin against mine but then the softness of his fingertips left me and his presence ebbed way. When my eyes fluttered open again, he was gone.

My shoulders fell an inch, my brows knitted together, and sadness took over. I glanced around me, my eyes shifting to my dresser and the broken glass. I felt too numb and tired to clean up, but I couldn't just leave it like that...

"I'll take care of it," Charlenne suddenly said beside me. I didn't know why she was doing this, but I gratefully accepted her help. "You should probably go and freshen up," she continued.

I couldn't answer because of the knot in my throat, so I just nodded. I torpidly dragged myself to the bathroom, feeling apathetic and insentient. A walking rag doll.

I broke down once I was in the shower. Once I was naked in the suffocating fog of steam and the water's battering down would cover any sound I could make. I slumped against the wall, I splayed my hand over the smooth tiles and slid myself down to the ceramic base of the shower's floor.

And finally the coin flipped sides, and my mental dam ruptured. Guilt gushed out, massive and ruthless, submerging me, doubling me over, racking my body with sobs. I cried, and cried, and cried, until I had no tears left to give. And I let the water cleanse me, my tears mingling with the shower's water rivulets running down my face, washing my pain down the drain.

* * *

title: 'Under Your Spell' - Desire + 'Eternity and a Day' - Paul Haslinger

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	60. Into the Shadows of my Heart

Lol, after 'coach' instead of 'couch' it was 'shiting' instead of 'shifting'...great. Once I wrote 'he wanked' instead of 'he winked' but fortunately I caught this one before posting the chapter XD *sigh* I really need a beta.

**Oh and it might not be the most pleasant chapter to read...but I'm afraid all of this was a necessary step.**

Thanks to ankula for the review :)

* * *

**INTO THE SHADOWS OF MY HEART**

When I came out of the shower my fingertips were prune-like, wrinkled like an old lady's skin, and the mirror had fogged up. Without the water running, I became aware of voices coming from the living room and drifting into the bathroom. Deprived of the warm envelope of the shower's water around my body, I soon began to shiver. So I wrapped myself in my towel, which had regrettably been weighed down by the steam.

Cloaked in the damp fabric, I sat down on the floor and waited. Waited until I couldn't hear any voices nor noises left in the apartment. And when finally all was silent, my eyelids were heavy with fatigue and my ears were slightly buzzing due to my almost-asleep state. Exhaustion was getting the better of me, pressing down on me with all its might. I slowly started to tilt sideways and the falling sensation jerked me awake.

I sighed, rubbed my eyes and stretched, feeling as sore as if I'd run a marathon. Then I reached for the sink's edge above me and I lasily pulled myself up.

Once I'd properly removed what was left of my make-up, I tentatively opened the bathroom's door and cast an eye in the corridor. All the lights were off again. Dressed only in my towel- since my clothes were still soiled with the melted foam- I tiptoed to my room, really hoping not to run into any insomniac. And fortunately, I didn't. I sneaked into the darkness of my bedroom, dumped my clothes and towel somewhere near my cupboard and, helped by the barest of glim oozing through the shutters, I made my way to my side of the bed and slid under the sheets.

Usually the warm covers were an immediate comfort, allowing me to release any tension accumulated during the day. But not tonight. Tonight I was stiff with stress. The mattress might as well have been made of stone. I swallowed repeatedly, trying to get rid of the pebble-like lump that had lodged itself in my throat.

I didn't notice the soft stirring behind me and when Jack touched my shoulder I slighlty jumped and my body filled with dread.

"Honey," he whispered.

I wanted to return the greeting but didn't manage the get past that damn knot in my throat. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pressed a kiss to my shoulder blade but I was frozen, utterly unable to respond to his endearment. He misinterpreted my silence and lack of reaction.

I felt him sigh against my skin. "I'm sorry I missed everything tonight. I know it meant a lot to you."

'_Oh now it means a hell of a lot more than I ever thought it would!_'

He waited an instant for me to speak, but again, I didn't.

"I hope you still enjoyed yourself though..."

He sounded chagrined and I winced, bitting my bottom lip to avoid wailing. This was torture.

"Jade?"

I gulped and turned my head in his direction a bit. "I think I'm sick." Good Lord... I _did_ sound sick. I hadn't talk, I'd...croaked. My voice had just been a hoarse whisper and when Jack spoke again his was dripping with concern.

He pulled on my shoulder slightly, so that I would face him a bit more. "Sick? What do you mean sick?"

I felt him move about and I knew he was groping for the bedlamp's switch.

"No," I said, turning around willingly this time to grab his arm. "I've got a terrible headache... The light...it makes it worse." The lies were rolling out of my mouth with a disconcerting facility, but now, I _really_ didn't want him to look at my face.

My actions stilled him and seemed to hesitate but after a few seconds he relaxed again. "Poor darling," he whispered, his words reaching out in a soothing manner. His fingers touched my face and then cupped my cheek. "The gig must have been horrible for you then."

A stream of images and feelings passed through my mind. Matt was linked to all of them. I felt the stabbing sensation in my belly again and nearly shied away from Jack's touch.

"Can I do anything for you?" he kept going, ever so gentle.

"No," I breathed, feeling helpless. That bit was true at least. _He_ couldn't do anything, because the ball was in _my_ court. But I was too afraid to do anything with it for now.

The sudden feel of his lips against mine took me by surprise and I froze, keeping my eyes open. His kiss was soft and meant to be comforting, but my thoughts leaped to the little white dresser I knew was behind me. And I caught myself comparing. Matt's fire and passion vs Jack's tenderness. Matt's insecurity concerning me had made him possessive, and Jack's calmness was kind of appeasing.

My eyelids drifted shut and I let myself be kissed.

His lips' sweet savour, which was usually so familiar and pleasant, tasted off. They tasted...monotonous. Just like a tepid herb tea would taste dull after a boiling black coffee. Frustrated, I curled my hand around the back of his neck and kissed him back, searching for the thrill that I was used to feel whenever his tongue touched mine.

And just when the thought of Matt's body pressing against mine finally started to leave my mind, and when finally I started to enjoy the present time, I involuntarily clasped my left hand and it throbbed with a light pain.

The broken glass... Matt's long fingers in my palm...

He was capable of tenderness too.

I pulled away, my lips leaving Jack's without warning. I was disgusted with myself. Thinking of another when I kissed him. Could I be more despicable than this? Jack was the kindest and most caring person I knew and I should have felt blessed. I didn't deserve him.

"We shouldn't," I muttered. "If I caught something I may be contagious."

"I don't care," he answered, his mouth trailing along my jaw until it brushed against my lips again.

I turned away. "But I do."

He seemed stumped by the move, and after a moment of silence I felt obligated to add: "I'll get better, don't worry."

'_What are you waiting for? Jade, you fucking coward! Talk to him!_'

But I couldn't. The thought of confessing to him petrified me. I had to at least, _think_ about what I would say to him. Wasn't it the plan? Take a few days to think things through?

"Okay," he sighed. Then he pecked my shoulder again. "Goodnight sweetheart."

"'Night..." I murmured.

After a quiet rustling of sheets, all was still. We were not in the habit of sleeping so far away from each other, but I believed that I would just taint him if I lay any closer to him. And to be honest, what I'd felt just a moment before had scared me... As if his touch wasn't enough anymore.

I sighed and closed my eyes, worn out. I tossed and turned for a long time, but eventually I fell into a restless sleep, filled with dark visions of roses, crowds, cakes, and dead-ends.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_Tuesday afternoon._

It'd been three days and a half. And I still hadn't talked to Jack.

I was curled up in the middle of my bed, tangled in the sheets, hands balled into fits and brow furrowed. I'd just struggled my way out of another intense vivid dream and the images were still lingering to blend with reality. This time it had been about colourful lights, powerful music and stormy-sea eyes. Blurry but poignant. Always poignant.

My shutters were open but the day was dark and dreary, the sky painted an ugly grey and regularly splited by bolts of lightning in the distance. The low rumbles of thunder which probably followed the flashes of lights were covered by the soft music playing in my room.

'Bloodstream' by Stateless, 'When The Body Speaks' by DM, 'Colorblind' by Counting Crows...

It was supposed to be my 'soothing playlist' but in truth it was depressing. How masochistic of me. And now the weather had decided to actively participate to the ambient gloomy atmosphere. Storm clouds had taken up residence over the city during the night and rain had been falling on the streets since I'd woken up this morning.

I shifted in the bed and yawned. I hadn't been able to sleep properly since the gig. My nights had been fitful and agitated. I felt tired _all the time_ and so I was confined to bed most of the day and night. The fact that I barely ate anything surely didn't help.

I'd thought the week-end would be the hardest part to overcome, because people would be home and I'd have to face them and put up a good front. But actually the whole sickness lie had worked pretty well. Apart from Jack who had been most attentive and caring- a little bit too much maybe- and Alex, who'd dropped by a few times to check on me, the others had left me alone. Partly because whenever I heard someone coming I would pretend to be asleep.

They didn't hear me sneeze or cough, but I looked ill enough. Pale as a ghost and eyes puffy. My staying cloistered in my room and my lack of appetite had weakened me quite a bit. I felt somewhat zombified. Never deeply sleeping but instead always swaying on the edge of slumber, where distinguishing dream from reality could be tricky. Severals times I'd thought I'd heard Matthew talking. Usually I couldn't make out any word, but I knew it was his voice. I would jolt awake everytime, panic-struck, eyes darting around, looking for him, before quickly realising that he wasn't in my bedroom, he wasn't even in the apartment. He was only in my head.

No, the week-end hadn't been the hardest part, on the contrary. Because when I'd been left alone on Monday- since I was still the only one on holidays, except for Dom but he deserted the flat nonetheless- I'd been allowed to give full vent to the remorse. The despair. The tearing in my heart and the confusion in my mind. I'd lain sobbing in my bed for what had felt like hours, tears gushing out uncontrollably, until I'd been too exhausted to even weep. And so when the evening had come, it had been a thousand times harder to keep a straight face and not to break down when I'd been asked about my day.

And now... Now I was so damn drained again... And my eyelids were so...heavy...

_Oh won't you walk through, and bust in the door, and take me away..._

I frowned and moaned my discontent at the small voice coming from my speakers.

_Oh no more mistakes, cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..._

"Ugghhh... Bloody sooong," I grunted in my pillow.

The bloody song in question finally ended but was soon taken over by another one.

_I heard that you're settled down, that you found a girl, and you're married now..._

Someone like you. Great.

"Oh for heaven's sake!" I exclaimed as I wriggled my way over to the side of the bed before reaching for the tiny remote control resting on my nightstand.

Once I'd silenced the speakers I rolled over and grabbed my pillow to place it against my stomach. Now that the music was gone, the sound of the raindrops tapping on my window pane filled my ears. Thunder crackled far away, soft but deep. I curled up again, holding my pillow close and pulling the jacket I was wearing tighter around me. A jacket that was warm and oddly comforting. One I still hadn't returned to its rightful owner yet. One that smelt of Matt.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_Tuesday night._

I was verging on sleep for the umpteenth time when I saw a yellow light through my closed eyelids. It quickly disappeared and I vaguely heard the door being quietly shut. It pulled me back into consciousness a bit. I felt the bed sink slightly behind me and soon strong arms enfolded me into a tender hug. I stirred and murmured something unintelligible. Then I heard a voice near my ear.

"How are you feeling?"

Still partly teetering on the threshold of dreamland, I answered the voice honestly. "Awful," I slurred.

"Oh baby..."

The distress in the voice was palpable and it caught my attention, waking me up for good.

I was in Jack's arms. And he was anguished.

Uh-oh. What had I said?

"Honey, tell me what's wrong," he begged, trying to turn me around.

My heartbeat sped up, blood rushed to my brain, and I tried to think as fast as I could. "Oh, I- I was just having a bad dream," I stuttered, shifting around to face him in the darkness.

He found one of my hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it insistently. I tensed. We'd barely touched since Friday. I had invoked sickness every night, to avoid physical contact. He kissed up my arm and I wiggled uneasily, shrinking in the bed, clearly reluctant.

His lips parted from my skin with a popping noise and before I could say anything the bright glare of his bedlamp blinded me.

"Okay, you seriously need to tell me what's wrong."

I squinted, reeling from being wrenched so forcefully out of my sleepy state.

"Nothing," I answered out of habit. Then I rectified, "I mean, apart from the nausea," which was true because of my empty stomach, "and the headache..." which wasn't true but I was hoping it would spur him to turn the light off again.

"That's not what I mean."

I looked up at him with strained eyes, suddenly fearful as the wildest scenarios ran through my mind. In the last few days, when the moment of joining me in bed had come, Jack had just tucked me in gently and then let me be. So why the sudden change? I pictured Matt...having a conversation with Jack behind my back...talking about me and what had happened, telling him everything. The thought was so nerve-wracking that it made me want to throw up and a cold shiver ran down my spine.

I wasn't quick enough to hide my surge of panic and something passed over his features at my reaction.

"I mean this," he sighed, indicating me as a whole with a movement of his hand. "You being so...afraid somehow."

Mouth dry and hands clammy, I tried to deny it quickly "I'm not-" but he interrupted me.

"You've been so stand-offish lately. Cold and distant," he sounded pained and my throat constricted. "It's so unlike you."

He looked up at me, grey eyes honest and worried.

"I... I haven't- I'm not distant," I spluttered, knowing I had only one real explanation for having been shifty during the last few days. Either I told him the truth now or I kept on dodging his questions. The coward that I was chose the second option. "I'm just not in the mood for it, not while being sick-"

"Quit stalling!" he snapped, instantly shutting me up. It was clear he was done dancing around the matter. He huffed and I could tell he was trying hard to stay clam and composed. "You've never been like this. I don't know what happened on Friday, but since then you've shut me out. No matter how hard I try to get through to you... You won't talk to me. And it's seriously starting to freak me out Jade..." His eyebrows knitted together and he reached out to cup my cheek in his hand. "Please, talk to me," he said earnestly, emphasizing each words.

The memory of Matt's words echoed in my mind.

_We have to talk about this! And you have to talk to him. He deserves to know and I need to know how you really feel._

They both had the same simple request. Talk. Express yourself. Don't leave us in the dark.

But how did I really feel?

Stating the facts would be easy: Matt had kissed me. Or, let's be honest: we had kissed, several times, I had enjoyed it, and who knew what would have happened if Charlenne hadn't interrupted us in my room. In my _room_, for crying outloud! Just a few meters away from where I was lying now...

'_I would have given myself to him willingly, that's what would have happened._'

Yes, I would have let him take me there if it had been his wish, without a second thought. Because there was something inside me, something buried deep, that stirred when I was with Matt, demanding to come up on the surface. I didn't know what it was. And they were both right, I _was_ afraid.

Yeah, stating the facts would be easy, but telling them how I really felt...that was another story.

Matt had given me five days. I still had one left.

I leaned fowards suddenly and pressed my lips to Jack's. He tried to pull away after an instant, "No, Jade..." But I wrapped my hand around his neck and didn't let go.

"Please," I whispered, feeling close to tears again. "Please, I need it."

'_I need you to remind me who I belong to._'

He remained still for a few seconds more but then he pulled me firmly into him, his lips crushing mine, frustrated and unsatisfied but needing after the last few days of nothing. I shut my mind off and allowed myself a break from the endless torturing flow of questions, and I let my body take over.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_Wednesday's afternoon._

Some things hadn't changed overnight. Thick clouds were still pummelling the streets, buildings, and unfortunate pedestrians with rain droplets. I was alone in the apartment, just like the day before. I still hadn't talk to Jack, just like the day before.

But some things had changed. The sweet smell of hot chocolate hovered over the fresh scent of cool rain, coming from the cup I was holding in my hands. I wasn't secluded in my room, not curled up in my bed, but on the living-room's couch this time. I wasn't wearing Matt's jacket but one of my own.

I had decided to get a hold of myself and to stop postponing the inevitable. I would talk to Jack this very evening. Well, it wasn't as if I really had a choice anyway, I was reaching the end of my ultimatum. And I was certain Matt would remind me of it.

I still hadn't sorted things out in my head though... But I had reached the conclusion that it didn't matter. I would just confess the facts and then I would adapt my answers to Jack's questions and reactions.

Of course that was the theory. Now, the truth about what I thought was really going to happen, or what I was _fearing_ would happen...was Jack never letting me live it down. And that fear had started to implant itself in my mind the night before, when he had pressured me into talking to him and I had instead smothered the problem with...well with sex, basically.

And it hadn't worked so well. Because sex is just another form of expression. I had hoped it would brought us close again but in fact it had had the oposite effect. I just hadn't managed to cast Matt out of my mind. And Jack...he'd been different as well. There had been nothing sweet nor romantic about our lovemaking. When he'd kissed me, I'd tasted Matt's lips. When he'd touched me, I'd felt Matt's fingers on me. And it had been as if Jack had sensed that I wasn't truly there with him and I'd felt resentment coming off of him in waves.

I suddenly heard a 'plock' sound, faint but still loud enough to tear me out of my reverie. I looked down at my now-empty-cup and saw a fat tear fall off of my chin. It hit the bottom of my cup with another 'plock'. I sniffed, wiped my tear-stained face, and sighed. Dammit, I'd thought I was done with all the stupid crying nonsense... But it hurt. I missed the zestful, doting Jack who'd fallen in love with me two years ago.

I gasped once or twice and tried not to sob. I set my cup down on the coffee table and rubbed my sleeve against my face. I focused on my breathing and managed to compose myself when my gaze fell on the vase on the other side of the room and Matt's bouquet in it. It was consequently less fluffy now, as most of the flowers had wilted and someone- probably Charlenne or Emily- had chucked the ones that had gone limp. But there were still a few which were in bloom and beautiful.

There was someone else I was deeply missing, obviously, since he was consuming my every thought.

What if Jack could find the strength to forgive me, would I be able to forget Matt? If Jack and I left, rent our own apartment, would I be able to erase these memories out of my mind? These few stolen moments of perfection? Perhaps I would regret it for the rest of my life; Matt would always be my biggest what if.

But choosing Matt would be like taking a leap of faith. What Jack and I had was good and solid and dependable. I could count on him and he would always be there for me and I for him. He was like a floating beacon I could rely on, connecting me to the ground. Matt was a storm. Ready to take me away into the unknown, into what could be an amazing journey...or a disaster. I had absolutely no guarantee of love or emotional security with him.

Sure there had been some times when I'd thought that maybe this was more than just a flirty game to him. But that was probably what every girl he ever seduced had thought at some point. Why do you think the lyrics he wrote could be so beautiful? He could be a silver-tongue when he wanted to, using cryptic double entendres which could be heard either as confessions of love or merely as clever wordplay. He was definitely aware of the effect he could have amongst the women.

Why would he act any differently with me than he had with the others? Oh we would have a good time certainly, for a few days or a few weeks if I were lucky. And then he would dump me for another and would rip my heart asunder. What then? Would I run back to Jack and grovel for forgiveness?

"Shit," I grumbled, resting my elbows on my knees and holding my head in my hands. "I can't with this..."

Wasn't love and life supposed to be easy at my age?

I sighed. Well, just a few more hours and I would purge it out of my system, one way or the other.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_Wednesday's evening._

I'd tried to force myself to eat a proper meal this evening, in order to regain some strength before the 'big talk'. Mashed potatoes and ham. It wasn't much, but still, I hadn't managed to swallow down half of it. And for once, my stomach wasn't twisted in knots because of my fear of Jack's reaction, but because of something else entirely.

The sun had just set and hazy rays of warm light streaked horizontally into the living-room. I was now wrist-deep in the sink's water, doing the dishes, trying to keep myself occupied. Behind me, Charlenne and Emily were slouched on the couch, watching the TV. They'd tried to spark up a conversation a couple of times and I'd done my best to participate as much as I could, but it hadn't lasted and in the end we were all silent.

If Dom had been here, it would have been more animated. But he'd been out all the time lately. My guess was that he was keeping Matt company. And of course, if Jack had been here, I wouldn't be so tongue-tied.

But he wasn't.

The wall clock hanging over the stove had become my worst enemy. I kept casting quick looks at it, I didn't want to, but I couldn't help myself. I could almost hear its ticking, even with the TV switched on. Three past nine. Six past nine. Eight past nine... I had no idea where he was. He hadn't called, he hadn't texted me. Usually he came home around seven, sometimes later when he had a drink with his workmates, a neverending lecture, or if he did extra hours at his school library. But then he would always, _always_ call me. But not this time, he hadn't.

It wasn't like him, not to give any news, even if he were angry at me because of the previous night. I had considered the possibility that he might give me the cold shoulder, but not that he might play dead like this.

I managed to fill a few hours with empty activities to keep myself from dwelling on his absence, but around eleven and a half I was worried to death.

I was sitting against my bed's headboard, next to a magazine I'd been trying to read, twirling a pen between the fingers of my right hand and toying with my phone with my other hand. I began tapping my pen against the magazine cover nervously- tap tap tap tap tap- and I flipped my phone open for what felt like the hundredth time.

I didn't even bother to bring it up to my ear. Soon I heard Jack's voice, tinny and small as he announced his outgoing voicemail message. It wasn't even ringing anymore now, it had probably run out of battery.

I clapped my phone shut and my tapping's speed doubled. Taptaptaptaptap...

'_What if something has happened to him? Perhaps I should call someone. I don't know... The police?_'

A soft knock at my bedroom's door startled me and my pen suddenly escaped my grasp and went flying in the air. I heard it hit the floor somewhere but I didn't go after it.

"Yes?"

Charlenne poked her head around the door. "Hey," she said softly. "Can I come in?"

I nodded and she came over to sit on the edge of my bed. I saw her dart a look down at my phone. "Still no news, eh?"

"No. None," I answered, shaking my head. "Perhaps I should report his disappearance," I ventured after she'd remained silent.

"Huh, Jade, it's only been a few hours..."

"But why hasn't he called? !" I exclaimed. She winced at my tone and I immediately felt guitly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

She gave me a small smile. "It's okay." I let out a worn-out sigh and she patted my leg gently. "There, there," she added in a very Sheldon-Cooper-like way, making me chuckle. Her smile widened in return but then she pulled a more serious face. "You know... With all that has been going on lately... Perhaps Jack just needed some time for himself."

"But I haven't told him anything yet," I objected, looking at her straight in the eyes.

She caught the hidden message. "Neither have I. I'd never dare! And I doubt anyone would. Not behind your back. Not even Matt."

I ran a frustrated hand in my hair as I pondered that. I knew she was right. "Then _why_?"

She lightly shrugged. "Perhaps he just guessed", she hazarded. "It wouldn't be surprising."

Yeah, it certainly hadn't seemed to surprise _her_. I looked at her for a long time after that, hesitating to ask my next question. "How long... How long have you known?"

She didn't ask me to specify, she knew what I meant. "Honestly?"

I nodded.

"Since day one. Since you 'casually'", she did the quotation marks with her hands, "asked me about the guy who was living next door to you."

I stared at her with round eyes, completely flummoxed for a second. "You're shitting me, right?"

She smiled but shook her head. "Nope. And after that, during the few days that followed, it became obvious. But don't worry, you learned to hide your feelings better after a time."

I was stunned by her answer. Since _day one?_... I hadn't even known myself what to think of him at the time!

"Listen," she said, dragging me back into the present, "you should try to sleep. I'm sure Jack's fine but he'll come home when he'll come home. There's a reason behind his lack of response, he just needs some time."

'_We all need some time..._'

I gazed down at my phone and then reluctantly rested it on my night-stand. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Again, there was this warm smile which lit up her face. "Do you need anything? I could prepare you a chamomile tea cup if you want. It'll help you sleep."

I placed the magazine on my night-stand as well. "Why not?"

"Great! I'll be right back!"

She hopped to her feet and headed for the door.

"Charlenne?"

She turned around. "Yep?"

"Thank you," I said. "For being such an amazing friend."

She grinned back. "You're welcome. It's my favorite job!" she answered before leaving the room.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

_Sometime during the night._

In my dream I was in a huge dark room where a throbbing blue light flashed now and then. I knew I had to find something or someone but I didn't know what or who. But I fervently searched for it, pushing my way through a strange crowd, made of black shapeless masses that sometimes changed to human-like forms.

Suddenly this dark crowd parted for me like the Red Sea for Moses and ahead of me was something coming from the very depth of my mind. Pitch black fur with stunning, electric blue eyes. The wolf of my dreams.

"Well, hello there," I heard myself say. "It's been a while."

The light in its eyes flickered.

_Come to me._

Go to you? Yes, that sounded like a good idea. "But where?" I asked the creature.

_Just in a dream._

I was puzzled. "Aren't we in a dream already?"

_Come on, and rescue me._

Just as the words faded in my head, the threatening crowd began to close in around me, dragging me away. I fought and struggled but it was no use. And it was when I realised that I would never find it again, that I knew what I'd just lost had been my reason for living.

I woke with a start in the darkness of my room, heart pouding and body tense.

Once I was able to think through the confusion, I felt something move behind me. Something real. The sheet.

"Jack?" The word actually never left my lips, as I was still too stressed out by my dream and so unable to speak.

I checked my alarm clock. 4 am. Had he just gotten home? Was he the one who'd woken me?

I turned around in the bed. "Jack?" This time I'd managed to whisper properly, but he didn't move, didn't even stir.

Something was wrong, I could feel it. In fact...I could smell it. Alcohol. Had he...gotten himself _wasted_?

I was torn between wanting to burst into tears and wanting to punch him and I ended up doing neither. I'd been worried _sick_ and all this time he'd been in some bar getting drunk?

This was my fault. I should have talked to him sooner. If I had been frank and honest with him from the beginning, none of this would have happened.

Boy I was so relieved he was safe...

I blindly reached out for my phone. Perhaps he'd sent me a text message before coming home.

Ah yes, I'd received a text message. But it wasn't from Jack. My heart clenched tightly in my chest when I saw the name being displayed on my phone's screen. Of course. Five days had passed.

I stared at the screen, my insides twisting painfully, my thumb hovering above the little envelope that bore Matt's name. Then I opened it.

I was surprised to stumble upon a picture at first. I looked more closely and recognized the live room at the studio. I could discern Matt's piano and Dom's drumkit.

And there was a single sentence under that small picture:

*Come to me.*

* * *

title: 'As I Moved On Run' - Blue Foundation

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	61. Hard Times for Dreamers

Hey there!

So here's a 'little' chapter (little compared to the few previous ones). I hadn't really planned on writing that part actually, but it came to my mind and I finally decided it would be a good idea to give a little insight of Matt's side of the story at that point. I hope it'll help with the waiting, 'cause I honestly don't know when I'll be able to post a full, satisfying chapter. Not before a few weeks (three I think.)

And, as always, thank you to YourDarkshines, BurnsOurHorizons and BoneGuitar for the reviews :)

* * *

**THESE ARE HARD TIMES FOR DREAMERS**

*MATT'S P.O.V*

_Jump _back_ in time. We're on Sunday early morning, about 28 hours after the gig, at the studio._

Funny how even at this late hour, I still wasn't the only person awake in this building. I mean, late hour... More like _early_ hour, around three in the morning, something like that.

Oh, the night security guard was sleeping alright. I'd heard him snore when I'd gone downstairs to pay the delivery guy I'd called for- yes, there _were_ some companies that did night-time deliveries in this city- and in fact, I could as well have had a giant bomb brought inside the building and that guard wouldn't have noticed. Until his arse was blown up to the moon of course.

So that one was sleeping, but there were a couple of sleepless wanderers shuffling down the corridors now and then. Grunge musicians seeking some artistic inspiration in the night, or just people like me, who didn't have anywhere else to go.

I just _couldn't_ have stayed at the apartment. I would have been far too close to her. How easy it would have been to just go down in the street and in less than a minute I would have reached her door. And then I would have found a way to..._speed _things up a little. Damn those five fucking days. I should never have agreed to it. Only one day had passed and I was already going insane, every second that went by felt longer than the last.

I sighed, then lifted my glass to my lips and took another sip. I enjoyed the woody flavour and vanilla character of the burgundy liquid as I let it roll around my mouth. It was a good wine. A bit firm due to the tannin, but rich and soothing.

I wanted to call her, just to hear her voice. Several times I'd grabbed my phone with that very intention but I'd always found the strength to stop myself at the last second. I'd finally ended up stuffing my mobile between the cushions of the sofa I was lying on, hoping that it would prevent any further attempt from my part. And so far it had worked.

So there I was, slouched on the couch in the control room we'd been allocated at the studio, slowly downing my bottle of wine at three in the morning. The lights were off in here but it wasn't the case in the live room, on the other side of the window. A faint reddish light was glowing out of it, brushing across the mixing console and leaving me in semi-darkness.

I chuckled at a sudden realisation. A large interior window, red light, wine... Put it that way, another kind of place could easily come to mind. And perhaps it was what I needed: a break from all this. Perhaps I should have left, taken a flight to Las Vegas or Amsterdam, drinking and gambling and having fun.

Fun. Wasn't it what I'd been doing all this time? Having _fun_? And what had it brought me? Absolutely nothing except proving that living a superficial life left people feeling shallow. I would just end up drowning in my own misery, in every stranger's bed. It would take for ever to expunge the memory of her body against mine from my brain... I doubted it was even possible. She'd ruined me. I couldn't settle for less now.

I drained my glass before straightening up and swinging my legs over the edge of the couch. I dragged a hand over my face and sighed again. I couldn't stand it. Waiting without being allowed to go anywhere near her. Waiting for her to take a decision, when I knew that _he_ was with her, lying next to her, perhaps kissing her, touching her... For all I knew, they were in the middle of make-up sex right now.

I squeezed my eyes shut as if it could block out unwanted images and quickly set my glass down on the floor before I could crush it in my hand or hurl it against the wall. But the thought clutched at my heart and I had to rise to my feet and move around, for it felt like I would crumble upon myself if I stayed still.

Yes, it was a _very_ good thing I wasn't at the apartment. Because if had crossed path with Jack... I would have ended up doing something Jade would have hated me for.

I had to trust her. Looking inwards was harder than pointing the finger at others, but I knew she could do it. She had said she wouldn't forget. And her body couldn't lie. I _knew_ she wanted me, she couldn't deny it now. What was still debatable was whether or not this was more than just an impulse she was ashamed of.

I paced around the room for a minute until I flung my sorry arse back onto the couch again. I sat with my head between my hands and my elbows propped on my knees.

'_Wait. Just wait patiently..._'

But how could I just sit here placidly as my reason for living was possibly slowly fading from my grasp? I felt defenseless and vulnerable. I had yet sworn to myself that I would never let this happen again, that I would never be in that position again. But here I was, just a slave, at the mercy of a girl.

The only improvement compared to the last time was that Jade wasn't a heartless bitch. I wouldn't have fallen for her if it'd been the case; I'd learned how to recognize and to distrust heartless bitches. I could gladly shag one, now and then, but let one sank her evil claws into me? No way.

Except Jade wasn't like that. She'd sneacked up on me, yes, but not on purpose. She'd had nothing to do but be herself, and not only had it been enough, it had been fiercely efficient. For if I'd known how to keep away from pretty little liars, tossing-their-hair-and-battering-their-eyelashes kind of liars, nothing had prepared me for beauty, wits _and_ altruism being all perfectly balanced into the same person.

But in the end, it didn't matter. Even if she didn't have one ounce of cruelty in her, Jade had my heart inside her hands and with it, the ability to smash it into dust. Could she only realise how if felt? Could anyone? Because it felt like standing bloodied in the dirt, waiting for the 'thumb-up' or 'thumb-down' that would define my fate.

I knew what advice I would have given if it'd been someone else in this situation. _Accept that you cannot control everything. Enjoy the chaos. Take advantage of it._

It wasn't something most people would have approved of but I usually lived by it.

"Take advantage of it," I murmured, trying to draw insight from the words.

My face sank into my hands with a sigh and I rubbed my scalp and neck, trying to relieve some muscle tension. Then, after a moment, I caught myself staring at the door leading into the live room. I was suddenly feeling inexplicably drawn by it.

I took the time to pour myself another glass of wine before I let my feet carry me into the room in which Dom, Chris and I had spent countless hours playing, recording, failing, erasing, re-recording, succeeding, laughing, straining, burning our fingers. Labouring, basically, until we finally gave birth to Origin of Symmetry.

I wandered around the room, striding over various objects that were scattered around the hardwood floor and the rugs. Amps, of course, plenty of them, but also road cases, pedal boards, drums, and a myriad of wires and cables littering the floor and forming a complex web. The room was lit by a few yellow light bulbs and by a couple of long, red string lights running on the walls and hanging over my head here and there. These were what gave the place this reddish, eerie atmosphere which we had wanted for the making of this album. For the third one we would probably choose colder colours like blue, green or purple.

I stood in front of Dom's drum kit, trailing my gaze on the shiny cymbals that reflected the red light, suddenly wishing I'd allowed him to stay with me at the studio. He'd insisted on staying but I'd sent him home nevertheless. I'd known all along that I would spend most of my night ruminating, and I hadn't wanted to inflict that on him. But now loneliness pressed against me like a thick, heavy blanket and I regretted my choice.

I reached out my glass and lightly clinked it against one of the cymbal, which gently pealed in response. "Cheers, mate," I mumbled before taking a sip. I could tell the wine was starting to go to my head: I kept drinking but I felt more thirsty after each sip.

I turned around and continued my little stroll until I was surrounded by keyboards. Most of them were electronic but I sat down in front of the acoustic one. In this light the ivory looked pink and I ran my free hand across it, pressing a key every now and then. I took another sip and set my glass down on top of the piano case.

I kept on skimming the keys, too lightly to produce sound, till I suddenly started playing something that sounded like an etude from Chopin even if I wasn't following any music score at all, I was just letting it flow out of me. The notes were souding nicely in the room and I closed my eyes.

But the first thing that I saw behind my eyelids was a pair of bright green eyes and I stopped playing abruptly and sort of collapsed over the piano, frustrated. I scraped back my stool and my forehead hit random keys that rang angrily in my ears. "Ouch."

I huffed and stayed in that position for some time, unwilling to move. The alcohol and sleep deprivation were trying to enfold me but too many images and feeling were streaming in my head. The most vivid memories surprisingly were not ones of sight nor touch or taste, but smell. It was as if her fragrance had been carved into my brain for good an her perfume was continually dancing into my nose, some times stronger than others and really potent in that very moment. It quickened my pulse and breath and I straightened up, trying to keep calm even as I could feel my eyes starting to prickle. Fuck, I missed her. Badly.

I took a deep breath and ran both my hands in my hair. I'd never thought it was possible to miss someone this much. I gulped down a big mouthful of wine, not savouring it at all and wincing because of the strong taste. Then I dropped my hands in my lap and sighed. I lowered my eyes to the keyboard and eventually my right hand found its way back onto the keys.

I was staring past the piano as I was lazily playing, lost in daydreams. It wasn't the first time I'd allowed my imagination to roam free. What would have happened if that bloody glass hadn't broken... And if Charlenne hadn't walked in on us. If we had been locked up in our own little world where no one could have interrupted...

My head became a palace of fantasies, where many sensations mingled together as intense sense memories flooded into my psyche. I imagined the caresses, the kisses, the desire, the pleasure...

But they were all marred by doubts, for I couldn't shake this fear that these memories were about to become scars.

Damn this. Damn love. She was in my very soul, tormenting me. If I couldn't have her, I would either die or become crazy.

I eventually extricated myself from my musings; the thoughts were too painful to dwell on. I focused my eyes and wrenched my mind back to reality...and realised that I'd kept on playing during my reverie.

F A A-sharp G E G-shar C-sharp F...

I had been playing that pattern over and over for a few minutes now. It sounded...sad. Actually, the tempo was too fast to be considered sad. No, in fact, it made me think of...fatality. Apologies. According to me, if the notes had been words, than the sentence would have been: 'that's how it is and there's nothing we can do about it'.

'_...Charming._'

Well, it was only logical, I wasn't really in the mood for rainbows and unicorns tonight. I could actually relate to this, fatality and apologies. I liked the sound of it.

My left hand joined my right one on the keyboard and I tried to develop this dialog with myself.

I played for a long time. The melody was really starting to turn into something more interesting and more powerful. More desperate as well.

I continued to play until I was so tired my fingers were beginning to miss the keys. I yawned and rubbed my eyes. My glass was empty now, and so was the bottle. There was no point in trying to keep going with the piano, I was being too sloppy for that.

I returned to the control room and plonked myself down on the sofa. I got rid of my shoes, while yawning again, and curled up on the comfy cushions. My eyes were closed and my breathing was calm, I really felt on the edge of sleep.

Then something quietly vibrated near me, only once. At first I ignored it completely but then my heart jumped in my chest as I realised it was my phone. My eyes snapped open and I plunged my hand between the cushions, frantically searching for the device, until my fingers closed around it. I yanked it out and quickly lit up the screen.

But my expectations were shattered mercilessly and my shoulders dropped an inch with disappointment. Because it wasn't from her. I sighed and lay down on by back as I read Dom's text.

*u sleeping?*

I frowned and checked the time. 3:56 am. Wasn't _he_ supposed to be asleep?

*No.* I typed back.

But while I waited for his answer I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.

He replied pretty quickly. *Knew it. Is there anything I can do? Except coming over to cram a bunch of sleeping pills in your mouth?*

I chuckled but dismissed the idea. No, of course, there was nothing he could do.

Or was it?

My mind wandered back to the piano and what I'd been playing, and an idea started to take shape. Waiting idly would drove me nuts. I wanted- I _needed_ something to do. I needed to unburden myself. And if that 'something' could also be useful... Why not exploit it?

Filled with a growing sense of determination, I finally made my decision and answered him.

*Come here around 9, with Chris and Tom. I'm gonna need you motivated and creative. Can you do that?*

This time he was slowlier to reply and I was already partly sleeping when my phone vibrated in my hand.

*Alright, we'll be there. Try to sleep.*

I was barely aware of my sending him a *Thx. See u tomorrow* before I nodded out into oblivion.

* * *

title: 'Bones' - MS MR

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	62. A denial, a denial, a denial

Thanks to xxparamusexx and OriginOfBliss for the reviews! :)

* * *

**ABSOLUTION (1) A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial, a denial...  
**

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

_Thursday, 6th day after the gig._

The sun had reclaimed its reign over the city. Down in the streets, people were wearing light clothes again. Shorts, T-Shirts, tanktops... You could easily tell everybody had grown tired of the inclement weather of the past few days. My windows were open, allowing nice breezes to flow in now and then, and carrying the ambient sounds of the busy streets inside the apartment.

I'd never been a very superstitious person, but when I'd opened my shutters a couple of hours earlier the sunshine had lifted my mood. And, surreptitiously, tendrils of hope that all would go well had sneaked into my mind. Surely this wonderful weather had to be a good sign.

Not that I knew what to do for all that.

Have you ever noticed how incredibly motivated you can become when avoiding an upcoming difficulty? It's like when you have to study or do some homework but you'd rather do anything else instead? It's the ostrich syndrome, when you bury your head in sand as if it could make the obstacles that lie ahead of you disappear. It's stupid, but it's powerful.

And so, staying true to the scared little crybaby I'd been acting like these last few days, I lacked willpower. Instead of catching a bus and heading straight to the studio or to Jack's school in order to have some serious conversation with either of them, Matt or Jack, I just stayed home.

I was bustling around like a busy bee in an apple tree, conscientiously doing all the chores I could think of. I felt like I'd dusted every inch of the apartment at least twice. Then I decided to wash the windows while I was at it. Then the kitchen. And when I was finally done with all that, I began cleaning the cleaner. I spent at least an hour and a half in the bathroom. Cleansing, exfoliating, plucking, toning... I'd never been so meticulous about it, I would have done anything to keep me occupied as long as possible. When I finally came out of the bathroom, I'd slipped into a yellow tie-back sundress, my hair was wavy and my skin was as smooth as a baby's bottom.

There was a moment when I walked past a mirror and caught a glimpse of myself. It was the first time since Friday that I looked more like a normal girl than like a human wreck. Actually, I looked...coquette. Ready for a date.

'_Yeah, but with whom?_'

I immediately dismissed the thought and averted my eyes from the mirror before briskly walking away from it and into the living room. What now? I couldn't clean the apartment again, it'd be ridiculously unecessary and the shower would become a waste if I got myself all sweaty. I didn't need to do the laundry, the fridge was full and in no need for groceries...

The fridge. Food. My stomach rumbled loudly, spurred by the thought of aliments, and my feet automatically carried me into the kitchen. For the first time in a long time, I was hungry. More than that, I was ravenous. My stomach was a gaping hole, begging for a meal. I chose the first thing that came to hand, which happened to be eggs, and set myself the task of turning them into an omelette.

It wasn't much to be honest, but in my famished state it seemed like a feast. Fortunately, I managed to keep it down. And with my stomach full I quickly felt drowsy and it wasn't long before I flopped down on the couch. I dozed off, lulled to sleep by the distant sounds of the street, any doubt or question that I could have had pushed down, and locked away in the dark at the back of my mind.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

For once my dreams weren't quite so oppressing. They were a bit tense, but quiet and slow moving. So when male voices started babbling away in the background, they were completely out of place. This intrusion sent some ripples through the mental pictures in my head and I got pulled up towards reality again.

I groggily opened my eyes while the voices kept chatting in the distance. It was the rattling sound of a key being inserted in a lock which woke me for good. I sat bolt upright on the couch and darted a look at the wall clock in the kitchen. Twenty to two. People could sometimes come home earlier on Fridays, but we were Thursday. Who could it be? Well, there was only one person living here who didn't have any teachers or dean to answer to...

Soon my thoughts were confirmed. The door opened and before he even stepped into the flat, I clearly heard Dom's voice souding in the stairway. As soon as he saw me, he flashed his most brilliant smile, nearly overshadowing his eye-catching outfit. Huh. Dominic Howard going all grey-leopard-shirt on me. That screamed beguilement.

Instead of returning his grin I eyed him suspiciously, but the person who came in behind him took me by surprise and my eyes widened a bit.

"Alex?"

My brother gave me a half smile before coming over to lay a kiss on my forehead. "Hey, sis'," he said as was his habit. Then he sat down on the couch near my feet. I frowned, completely bewildered.

When I'd heard guys talking and when Dom had showed up, I had expected him to be accompanied by Matt or Chris, or perhaps Tom. But not Alex. What the hell did Dom want with my twin? Because I _knew_ Dom was planning something, I could feel it. He had this demeanour, the one that usually got him what he wanted.

"This place looks nice!" Dom chimed in, emphasizing the last word. He dropped his keys on the kitchen counter and approached the nearest window. "_Really_ nice, actually..." he trailed off, suddenly sounding a bit more serious. He took hold of one of the casement window by it edge and he made it rotate on it's hinge slightly, until the glass caught the sunlight. "Have you...washed the windows?"

Disbelief had coloured his words, getting through his cool and cheery facade. I got this odd sense of satisfaction, knowing that there were still a few things I could do which could unsettle him.

My chin came up pugnaciously. "Maybe."

His eyebrows shot up towards his hairline and even if he didn't pronounce the words outloud his face said it all. _Damn girl, you've got some time to lose._

I narrowed my eyes at him but he ignored it and his smile resurfaced. He sat down with his arms sprawled out beside him on the other couch, across the coffee table from Alex and me.

"You look nice as well," he complimented me sweetly, making me more and more suspicious. "Going somewhere?"

I cast a nervous glance at my brother but when I met his eyes I looked down, staring at my hands in my lap. "Not really, no," I mumbled. Why was Dom asking questions when _he_ was the one who'd just come home- and flanked by Alex of all people- without so much as a word of explanation? I sighed loudly and returned Dom's stare. "Why?"

There had been a lot of meanings hovering around that little word; there were a hundred 'why-s' I wanted him to answer and he knew it. But, unsurprisingly, he retained only the simplest 'why' of all.

"I don't know, you just look well-groomed, all smartened up in your beautiful dress." Again, I was convinced that his compliments were only the honey to sweeten some hidden vinegar. "Why are you looking at me like that?" he suddenly said, making me realise that I'd been glaring daggers at him without even noticing it. "I'm telling you you look lovely. What's so wrong about that?"

I was growing tired of his games. "Why are you here?" I snapped. I would never have spoken to him in that manner normally, but the circumstances were making me really touchy.

His jaw tightened then. And even thought his smile was still here, it didn't reach his eyes anymore. He took a deep breath and let out a long sigh before he replied. "Think hard, I'm sure you can guess."

My heartbeat sped up and so did my breathing. Was I facing some kind of trial? I turned my head and looked at Alex, trying my best to hide my uneasiness. "And why are _you_ here?"

My brother opened his mouth to answer but Dom was faster. "He's just here as my backup," he said. Then he cast a glance at Alex. "Not that I really need any. But you haven't truly answered me, Jade." His eyes were on me again. "I haven't seen you like this since Friday. You've finally ditched your lounge pants and I can smell your perfume from here. Surely there must be a reason behind the change."

I rolled my eyes at his insistence. "Why do you care so much?"

'_And what the heck did you mean by 'backup?'_'

He shrugged. "Just curious."

The offhand way he'd tossed off his answer seemed to trigger something in me. I suddenly felt more than just thin-skinned, I felt feisty. I turned around to sit properly on the couch so that I would face Dom. "No, that's not curiosity," I stated firmly. "That's you, meddling in other people's business again."

Alex stirred beside me. "Jade, he's only trying to help..."

But Dom's hand rose up to stay Alex's reply. "No, let her." He leaned forwards in his seat, elbows braced on his thighs. "Come on, Jade, get it off your chest." Then he just stared at me, steady gaze, challenging.

I was taken aback for a second, just because of the sheer preposterous feel of the situation. But I soon recovered my tongue. "I'm sick of your plots and calculations," I declared. "You love that, don't you? Playing the messenger, pulling the strings..." I was trying to remain calm in order to keep some credibility, but my tone was getting harsh. "You hide behind your angel face and perfect teeth, but in truth you manipulate and scheme. You act like you're a puppet master and we're your toys!"

He suddenly interrupted me. "Who's we?"

I blinked at him, surprised by his cutoff. "What?"

"You say 'we're your toys'. Who's we?"

Wasn't it evident? "Huh- well- me! Matt!" I stuttered.

He scoffed at me. "Matt? You think I manipulate Matt?"

"You did on his birthday."

He sighed irritatedly. "That's what a surprise party is about. It's about tricking. In order to keep it a secret, you usually have to lie to the guest of honour."

"We _all_ lied to him, Jade," Alex added kindly, reminding me of his presence.

Whas was this? Good cop/bad cop? I bristled in anger at their behaviour and I sprang to my feet. Dom raised an eyebrow at me and I found myself feeling a bit awkward for a second, since I didn't really know why I'd stood up. I quickly strutted towards the kitchen and skirted around the counter before heading straight to the fridge. I pulled out a bottle of white Bordeaux and poured myself a glass. I knew it was a bit early in the afternoon for that but...oh well, I hadn't drunk anything with my lunch.

I offered a drink to neither of them. It was rude, but so was coming home out of the blue to bombard me with cryptic questions. I could feel their eyes on me while I sipped the light, fresh beverage. They were waiting for me to go on.

"Matt's not the only one who was deceived on Friday," I finally said.

After a few seconds of silence, Dom got to his feet as well and casually strolled over to the counter, thumbs tucked in the front belt loops of his pants. I was gazing down at my fingers tapping on the worktop, but I could still see him approaching out of the corner of my eye. Once he'd finally reached the counter he leaned over and rested his elbows on it.

"I didn't push you into his arms," he quietly said, peeking up at me through his lashes. He was acting shy so that I wouldn't lash out at him. "I merely showed you the door, reminding you it was there. You walked through it on your own."

I set my glass down on the countertop and looked straight into his eyes. "But that's the problem, Dom. It's not your place to show me any doors. Who I'm attracted to is none of your business. What I choose to do with my love life doesn't concern you."

He firmly held my gaze. "But see, that's where you are mistaken, honey. It _does_ concern me." The contrast between what he was saying and the way he was saying it was extremely aggravating and I was trying hard to hold on to my fraying temper. "Because you are breaking my best friend's heart," he completed.

I froze, staring at him totally flummoxed for an instant. And then, from somewhere deep inside, I had the sudden, inappropriate need to giggle, even though it was a hollow laugh. I looked away as I picked up my glass again. "I'm not _breaking his heart_," I replied with disdain before gulping down a big mouthful of wine. The notion sounded so absurd.

"Huh, excuse me, but according to me, when M loves J and J tells M to fuck off...J's breaking M's heart."

I sighed and my gaze slowly glided towards him. He was still leaning over the counter but now his brows were drawn together in annoyance. He had this patronizing look on his face, as if I were a capricious child he was trying to reason with.

"I didn't tell him to fuck off," I muttered, glowering at him. "And he doesn't love me," I added, looking down.

He straightened up. "Oh really?" he quipped. "A guy who's obsessed with a girl to the point that he can't possibly consider having a relationship with anybody else, but at the same time doesn't really try to seduce her because she's already taken and all he truly wants is her happiness over his own... How do you call that?"

I was shaking my head in denial, not letting his words reach me. I didn't want to hear it. "You don't know what you're talking about." I drained my glass and turned around to place it in the sink.

But even with my back turned on him he didn't let go, the pest! "Well, enlighten me then, Jade! Please, since I've got it all wrong!"

I rinsed and washed the glass with abrupt gestures while I struggled to find the right words. "It's every single man's dream: no-strings sex," I said over the sound of the water running. "And what's the best way to have it? Just find a woman who already has strings attached elsewhere. Besides, that's ego boosting, knowing that you can take a girl from her boyfriend."

I was expanding on my point, feeling like I was trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince him. And now that the glass was clean, I was rubbing my hands together with soap, too vigorously, betraying just how nervous and angry I was. "Men always want what they can't have, that's why married women are targets. Matt's only interested in me because I'm a challenge to him. Liquor-filled one-night stands are his thing. He keeps coming back after me because I'm resisting him."

"Yeah, 'cause you did such a fine job resisting on Friday..."

I stilled, wondering if I'd really heard what I thought I'd heard. To be sure I turned off the tap, dried my hands with a kitchen towel hanging there and turned back around. "I'm sorry, come again?"

"You heard," Dom said, staring intently at me. My eyes flicked to where Alex was still sitting but I couldn't face my brother's look. Did he know? Did everybody? "I wonder," Dom resumed, getting my attention again, "did you tell Jack just how proudly resisting you had been? After all, you didn't sleep with Matt, you just ground yourself against him and snogged-"

"Shut your mouth!" I hissed at him, taking a step towards him even though the counter still separated us. I glared at Dom, but in the background I saw Alex leap to his feet.

"Why? Are you denying it?" Dom replied.

Alex was by my side now. "Hey, hey, calm down, both of you!"

"You know what I think?" Dom kept going, giving me a fierce, accusing look, "I think you don't deserve Matt. I think you're a coward. You're so afraid to end up alone, you won't even take his feelings into consideration." He was so bitter now, and tears were pricking the back of my eyes. I knew I should have let the hurtful words roll off my back, but I just couldn't do it. "You're so self-centered you haven't even asked me how he's been coping... You accuse him of wanting no-strings sex but in fact that's exactly what _you_ want. You wish you could just fulfill your wet dreams with him and then just go back to your safe little life with Jack!"

Finally a strangled sob escaped from my constricted throat, and I started to cry.

"Dom, that's enough now!" Alex ordered harshly, gathering me into his arms.

Surprisingly, Dom's eyes were brimming with tears as well. "Sorry, but she wasn't the only one who needed to let off steam," he justified, still glaring at me.

"Perhaps, but Matt wouldn't want you two to fight, so ease off," my brother pointed out, trying to smooth over the animosity in the air.

Dom's stare dropped to the ground. "I'm done anyway," he muttered. Then he whirled around and walked away into the living room.

Alex turned to me and rubbed my shoulders reassuringly. "Hey, it's alright, don't cry..."

But I kept on sobbing quietly, feeling the tears cascading down my cheeks as I shook my head. I took a step away from him and I ripped off a couple of kitchen roll sheets to wipe my face and blow my nose.

"It's alright," Alex cooed again, "he didn't mean it... Not all of it at least."

I let out a humourless chuckle and blew my nose again.

'_Yeah, he did._'

My crying eventually quieted down and I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. I sighed and sneaked a glance into the living room. Dom was sitting on the couch again, in more or less the same position than before: hunched over, his elbows on his thighs and his forehead resting on his joined hands. His eyes were closed and he almost looked like he was praying. But of course Dom and praying were...antitheses.

Alex rubbed my left shoulder again and when I gazed up at him he gave me the most gentle look which was asking 'are you gonna be okay?'. So I forced a small smile on my lips and I nodded. I sniffed, chucked the kitchen roll and shuffled into the living room as well, Alex close behind me.

Without looking at Dom, I bent down and picked up my pack of cigarettes and my Zippo off the coffee table. I flipped the lighter's lid open and soon a flame popped up. I sucked on it through my cigarette until the end was red and burning. Then I flung the pack upon the table again before slumping down on the couch opposite Dom. Alex came to sit next to me and we were back to square one. Except that a few tears had been shed and now I was smoking.

We were all silent for a moment. I was lasily dragging on my cig, blowing out the mentholated smoke and watching it disappear in the air. Dom's accusations had stung because I was aware part of them were true. I knew I was being a selfish coward. Yet what he had told me about Matt... I couldn't accept it. I was already hurting Jack and myself with my indecision and confusion, I needed to believe I couldn't harm Matt. I needed to believe that he was strong, confident, and not affected too much.

But then memories from his birthday came flooding back over me. When he'd been so honest and sensible and sweet on the rooftop before we'd kissed... How loving and tender he'd been during that first kiss. That particular memory was reaching deep inside me, softening the edges, melting the ice. And then there had been the dancefloor...and the passion. My bedroom...and then the fear. His fear, the one I'd seen in his eyes, the fear of getting hurt.

Was Dom right? It couldn't be... The thought that I could be breaking Matt's heart was unbearable. I didn't want to hurt him... I didn't want to hurt anyone... But especially not him.

_I wish you'd hold your stage _  
_With no feelings at all _  
_Open minded _  
_I'm sure I used to be so free_

It was incredible how much I could relate to his lyrics sometimes...

"Jade."

I was staring into the void, barely blinking, and the smoke was starting to sting my eyes.

"Jade," Alex repeated, wrenching my mind back to the current situation.

I focused my eyes and realised that my cigarette was almost burnt to the filter. I leaned forwards and stubbed it out in the ashtray.

"I don't know if you remember," Alex resumed after a minute, breaking the silence again, "but once you told me people are afraid to face their fears head on, when it's in fact the only way to truly to overcome them."

Really, I'd said that once? Perhaps, but I didn't remember. Curious that he did.

"You can't stay here forever..." he continued.

I turned my head to gaze into my twin's green eyes, so similar to mine. I suddenly wished I had confide in him more during this past few days. Sharing the burden would have made my life a lot easier and I knew he wouldn't have minded, on the contrary.

I lowered my eyes. "I know I can't, and I don't intend to. I'm leaving for the studio." Dom flicked his head up, suddenly listening with rapt attention and I looked at him. "That's why I'm dressed to go out." And as I said it, I realised it was true. Yes, I had dragged it out because I was nervous, but since I'd received Matt's text message this morning, I'd known I would eventually oblige and indeed go to him. I couldn't keep him bound to me in a sick triangle with Jack... I had to set him free.

Dom gazed at me, his eyes still a bit bloodshot because of his previous tearing up, but now dry and assessing. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I pressed my lips together to bite back the stinging reply that leapt to my tongue.

'_Control freak..._'

"I didn't know that I _had_ to," I couldn't help mumbling.

Dom sighed and leaned back against the backrest. He seemed...relieved. Immensely so. "Great! That way I won't have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you there myself," he rejoiced, trying to be funny. Or perhaps he was serious, it wouldn't really have surprised me. "When are we leaving?" he asked as he ran a hand in his blond hair.

I stared at him. "_We_? What do you mean _we_?"

"Well, I'm coming with you," he announced, as if was self-evident.

I scowled. "What, to bloody supervise me?"

He smirked. "Just in case you chickened out halfway to the studio." His eyes sparkled teasingly and I knew he was just trying to get a reaction out of me, but I didn't give him the satisfaction. "No, seriously, I have to go back," he continued. "We've been working on a project for a few days now."

That tidbit of information piqued my curiosity and my annoyance evaporated for an instant. "Really? Are you working on a b-side? Which one?" I suddenly turned into fan-mode. Being a big lover of their music I knew the name of most of the songs which hadn't made it to the album. "Instant Messenger? Agitated? Twin?"

"Twin?" Alex interrupted. "You have a song named Twin?" he asked Dom, looking amused.

Dom smiled. "Yeah, it's not out yet, I don't know if it'll ever be... I wonder who inspired it..." He was looking sweetly at me when he said that last part, too sweetly. I frowned at the innuendo but he kept going, skipping the subject. "But no, as a matter of fact, it's not a b-side. It's a completely new song."

"New song?" Alex repeated hesitantly. "As in...third album new song?"

"Yep!" Dom confirmed.

I joined my brother in his confusion. "But you haven't even really started touring for the second one..."

Dom shrugged. "What do you want me to say? It's Matt! He works in mysterious ways," he said with a a chuckle. "I think we haven't progressed that fast on a song before. We already have a good idea of how it should sound like in the end. Right now Matt's probably still recording the lead vocal track actually, so I'm only moral support and adviser today."

I nodded slowly, processing the information. Brand new song, woah...

We fell silent once again and even if the tension in the room had loosened I felt an undercurrent of awkwardness ripple through the room. It was time. Alex probably didn't have any classes this afternoon and I'd felt that this new song interested him a lot. He was probably going to come with us and I was glad. His presence would be a great comfort.

"I'll get my handbag," I murmured.

"Okay," Dom muttered back.

And one by one we all stood up.

When I was in my room, and was about to head into the living-room again, I stopped with my hand on the doorknob.

'_No turning back now. You can do this..._'

I inhaled shakily, keeping the uncomfortable knot that was trying to settle in my stomach at bay, and joined them into the lobby.

* * *

title: 'Sing For Absolution' + 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' - Nirvana

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	63. I have finally realised

Hello, hello!

I know it's been some time since I last posted... But here are not one, but two chapters to make up for it! Hurrey ^^

These are kinda important chapters. I've planned this for so long lol, since I started writing the story in fact. So I hope you'll like them, but feel free to speak your mind in any case!

* * *

**ABSOLUTION (2) I have finally realised...**

The studio was a modern complex, designed as a group of four buildings and surrounded by a ring of impeccably mowed lawn where a few trees had sprung up. Matt, Dom, Chris and all their 'crew' were working in the highest of these buildings. It was a four-level edifice which front facade was almost entirely made of windows and the sun overhead was glaring brilliantly over the glass' surface. The light was dazzling, so intense that it was printing afterimages on my eyes like tatoos wherever I looked. It forced me to squint, and I held up my hand in front of me to shield my eyes while I let Alex steer me inside the building. He was wearing sunglasses, so he wasn't blinded like I was.

Once inside, it took me a second to adjust to the gentler luminosity. The air was cooler as well, and the sounds from outside really muffled. Dom was immediately greeted by two girls sitting behind a long, angled desk and I couldn't really decide if they were welcoming hostesses, secretaries, or decorations, given how pretty they were. But either way, Dom was in clover.

He was the one who'd got us through the outside gate of the studio and he had exchanged a few words with a least five people on our way to the building. The more cheerful he was getting, the more uneasy I was feeling. I was heavy-hearted, already screaming internally for a way out. I felt trapped in here. Yes, the interior was stylish and very comfortable, but it was also impressive and intimidating. I felt so tiny and out of place. This was the artists' territory, their kingdom, and I was only a tolerated guest.

Dom did nothing to diminish that feeling when he began to lead my brother and me through the corridors, sashaying as if he owned the place. It didn't seem to bother Alex, who was apparently as excited as a little boy at Disneyland and fascinated by the studio, even if we'd already visited it a couple of times before. The two of them were lively prattling about this and that, while I followed them like a robot, as quiet as a mouse. Neither of them had tried to spark up a conversation with me since we'd left the apartment, and I suspected that the reason behind it was that they were afraid I would just snap out of my trance and would try to run away if they talked to me. And they were right to be wary of that...

Since we'd left the bus, my heart had been acting like a radar. The closer I was getting to my target, the faster and harder it was beating. The girls who had welcomed Dom at the door had told him that Matt and the others were still on the top floor, where the recording boothes were. So we took the lift to the fourth floor and, although all of my muscles objected to the movement when we exited it, I kept on following Dom down the long, shiny cherry hardwood floor of the hallway until...

"-won't stop till I get it right. Even if I have to do a hundred takes! Damn, what would Dom say if he could hear me say that..."

Dom sniggered next to me at some private joke. "Oh, but I heard it," he muttered.

But I barely registered Dom's sentence, because hearing Matt's voice cut the last string that had been keeping me standing. My heart was now a panicked little bird trying to flap its way out of me. I was feeling faint and queasy. I stumbled and had to lean my hand against the wall for support so that I wouldn't collapse on the floor. I was burning and freezing at the same time. So hot I wanted to take my clothes off, but so cold I had goosebumps. What the _fuck_ was going on with me...

I was now leaning my bare shoulder against the wall, eyesight blurred and breathing heavy.

"Jade! Are you alright? !"

I couldn't tell whether it had been Alex or Dom speaking, and when my vision cleared up little by little, I realised that they were both staring at me.

"M'fine," I slurred, waving my hand in the air, trying to reassure them.

"You're sure?" Alex insisted. "You don't look so good."

I swallowed. "I'm fine," I reiterated more clearly.

"Have you eaten something today?" my brother asked, still sounding a bit alarmed.

I nodded. "Yes, before you came home. Seriously Alex, I'm okay. Just go ahead, I'll be right behind you," I assured him, doing my best to seem composed. I didn't want to worry him. And even if he didn't look convinced he resumed walking, though not without casting a concerned look back at me.

"Second door on the left," Dom tossed after him, before gazing at me with a patient look on his face.

I let out a breathless chuckle. "You're not going to leave me behind, mmh?"

He gave me a small smile but shook his head. "Nope. It's not that I don't trust you but..."

"But you don't trust me," I finished for him.

"But... Let's say that I'm not letting you out of my sight until you've entered that room."

I chuckled again. "Yeah..." I tilted my head back until it touched the wall and sighed, slowly recovering from my sudden dizziness. I had never understood how people could sometimes become so stressed out before an exam that they almost fainted... I got it now. Wow. Anxiety was one powerful bitch.

"Hey," Dom said, nudging my arm so that I would open my eyes again. "You're not going to pass out on me, are you? Do you need a paper bag to breathe into?"

In the background I heard Alex being greeted by the people who were currently in the recording booth room. Their laughters and talking drifted out of the room and up the corridor and I recognized Chris and Tom's voices, amonsgt others.

I raised one eyebrow at Dom, referring to his previous question. "Do I really look that bad?"

"Paler than Snow White's bum!"

I giggled, feeling my strength coming back, and he grinned. But his smile quickly faded and his face grew serious again.

"You know, Alex's right. I didn't mean everything I said earlier," he revealed, shooting me an apologetic look. "I know the situation sucks and it's not all your fault. It's...far from being all your fault."

I released a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding and I felt a discreet smile cross my lips as I acknowleded his apology. Dom was dear to my heart and I'd hated fighting with him. Now I felt as if part of the burden on my shoulders had been lifted off, but only a part, unfortunately. Yet Dom did something then, something that added just the same amount of weight on me, though this time it was in the form of perplexity instead of stress.

His hand rose to my face and he gently grazed my cheek with his knuckles. I froze and stared at him wide-eyes. "Matt's one lucky bastard," he murmured. I stayed as still as a statue while he gazed at me fondly, and eventually he sighed and let his hand swing back to his side. He took a step back. "Shall we?"

My mouth popped open, but then closed again.

'_What the hell?_'

I blinked at him in confusion, thouroughly baffled and distracted, and I eventually followed his lead and let him usher me into the small room. I hadn't given it too much thought, as I was mulling over his gesture and the potential meaning behind it. But then I looked up, and my eyes immediately found one particular person in the room. I jolted, almost imperceptibly, as my mind was sharply dragged back to the present, Dom's strange behaviour completely forgotten. Dammit! I could have looked anywhere in the room, but no, he'd just drawn my gaze to him like a magnet.

He was deep in conversation with Tom when I came in, and my eyes darted away just when his slid towards me. I didn't know what they had been talking about, but whatever it was, Matt seemed to lose thread of what he was saying all of a sudden. Tom and myself were probably the only persons who noticed it though, because his stuttering was drowned by the others' voices when Dom and I stepped into the room.

"Ay up!" Chris said happily next to me. Matt, Chris, and a guy who probably was a sound engineer, were all sitting on chairs or stools, lined up along the control panels. Tom was the only one standing. I looked down at Chris and he smiled at me. "Jade, how have you been? Are you feeling better?"

My brain took its sweet time processing that, so much so that Chris started to look a bit puzzled by my lack of response.

'_Feeling better?... Oh, my supposed sickness..._'

"Hum, yeah, yeah, thanks," I mumbled. I tucked my hair behind my right ear, slightly embarrassed, and my eyes flicked away. And, _again_ they fell upon Matt. Except that this time I found that he was looking back at me. I averted my eyes once more, determined to keep them from having a life of their own from now on, but I still felt a scarlet flush leap to my face.

After almost a week without seeing him, a glimpse into his blue eyes was all it took to get me all hot and bothered. My belly clenched, my legs were slowly turning into jelly, and I was very grateful when Alex took my hand and lead me to the couch, which was facing the large soundproof window that looked into the recording booth. I wasn't sure if my brother was aware of the state I was in, he continued to speak with Dom and the rest of them as if nothing was wrong, but in all cases he'd done the right thing. Because who knew how long my knees could have held...

I slumped on the couch, not listening to a word they were saying, trying to get my breathing under control. Even after all that had happened, even in this shitty, stressful situation... He could still have that freaking effect on me. The same effect he always had had since the very first moment I'd laid eyes on him. _How_ could he do that? Create that weird electrical attraction that was crackling between us?

"Eleven takes? !"

Dom's sudden exclamation interrupted my inner turmoil. I looked up, surprised that everybody had stop talking in order to listen to him.

"_Eleven? !_" he repeated. "I think you've broken your record here, Matt," Dom sniggered, apparently poking fun at Matt.

"Oh, give me a break," Matt grumbled. But one look at him told me that he was holding back a smile.

"No, no, wait, this is history, today on the 15th of June, you did eleven takes," Dom insisted, making Chris and the sound engineer chuckle. I still didn't understand what the joke was about. "And to think that you usually get bored when I do more than four takes! Well, next time I'll reminded you of these eleven takes, believe me!"

"And it's not over yet," Tom butted in. "The eleventh still wasn't good enough, according to Matt!"

"No, it's-" Matt tried to defend himself but Dom cut him off.

"What?" He laughed. "Seriously, Matt? But what have you got against these takes? I thought the ones you did this morning were good. You didn't sing out of tune..."

"Yes, but-"

Matt was once again interrupted, by both Tom and Chris this time. "Yeah, but he can't get the mood right!" they both said in a perfect chorus, obviously quoting Matt, before bursting out giggling.

"Oh, I've had enough of you both!" Matt suddenly grouched, making the others laugh even more. "Y'know what, just go have your fucking lunch," he said, waving them away, "I'll be better off without you lot!" he added in a sulk, not holding back any smile this time.

"Oh, yeah! Speaking of it..." Chris rubbed his hands together, while looking up at Dom expectantly. "C'mon Dom, I'm starving!"

Dom stared at him for a second, making a what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about face. But then he seemed to remember something and he smacked his own forehead. "Shit! Lunch! I completely forgot!"

A wave of surprise mixed with discontent rippled through the room at his answer.

"What? ! Doooom!" Tom whined. "How the hell could you forget, we've been here since nine and we haven't eaten anything yet! I'm _hungry!_"

"Yeah, we know you're hungry," Matt mumbled. "You haven't stopped bitching about it since Dom left."

"I'm sorry," Dom apologized and winced, looking like he really meant it. "But I got a bit...sidetracked on the way," he tried to justify as he cast a sideways glance at me.

"Yeah, well, you were supposed to bring us sandwiches but instead you came back with twins," Chris scolded him. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you guys," he quickly added, darting a look at Alex and me and holding up his hand, "but it's not like your edible or something."

Alex chuckled. "It's okay."

"I know, I told you, I'm sorry," Dom sighed. "We can go to the grill just opposite the street, if you want..."

"Nooo," Matt whined. "That's why we wanted sandwiches, so that we could stay here and finish this!"

"Well, stay here if you want Matt," Tom said as he headed for the door, "but the grill sounds fine to me, I need sustenance!" And I actually heard his stomach rumbling. Unless it was just my imagination.

Chris stood up as well, and I started wondering if I should too, but then the engineer pointed something out. "But someone has to stay with Matt, he can't control everything from inside the booth..."

It stopped Tom, Chris and Dom in their tracks for a second and the three of them sneaked looks at each other as if they were waiting for someone to volunteer. But then Dom's face lit up, as if he'd just had the most brilliant idea ever.

"Jade," he simply stated, looking down at me.

My pulse quickened and I straightened up, suddenly on the defensive as all eyes turned on me. "What?" I asked, my voice tiny and worried.

"You've already eaten, right?"

He already knew the answer and so did Alex, so I couldn't lie. "Hum, yeah?" I said slowly, feeling like this wasn't a good reply.

"Well, _you_ can stay with Matt then."

Everybody seemed to wait for my answer then, and my eyes widened as I realised what it meant and blushed to the root of my hair. "What? ! Ah, no, no, no," I giggled nervously. "I don't know how to use this," I blurted, pointing at the control panels. "I'm going to break something. No, I can't-"

"Don't be silly," Dom said, rolling his eyes. "It's super easy! Right, Eddie?" He turned to look at the engineer.

The latter nodded. "Yeah, you just have to click on one button for now, that's all. All the settings are entered in the computer already. All that's missing is Matt's voice."

"Perfect. It's settled then," Dom concluded.

Everyone seemed to agree with that decision and adrenaline spiked through my body. No, no, no! _I_ wasn't okay with this! Why had they all assumed that I was? ! Dom beckoned Alex to stand up but I dug my nails into my twin's arm when he started to move. He grimaced but stilled, because I didn't intend to let him go that easily.

"Don't you dare," I hissed at him, my whisper covered by Tom and Chris' voice. "You're _not_ leaving me!"

He slowly started to loosen my grip on him with his other hand, one finger at a time. "Jade, I thought that was the reason you came here," he murmured back. "It's the only way you'll be able to really talk to him, away from prying ears."

I knew he was right, but still, anguish tugged at my heart and I couldn't help standing up with him, as if I was about to leave as well.

Dom bursted out laughing at something Chris had just said and then he looked at me, still smiling. "Okay, see you later guys."

I glowered at him. This had Dom's MO written all over it! He'd planned everything, this manipulative sonofabitch! But it was too late now, there was a mass exodus for the door and Dom's winning smile grew even bigger, drawing a string of muttered oaths that only I could hear from under my breath. I followed them as far as the door and Alex cast a last encouraging look at me, but soon I had to watch him disappear with the others down the corridor, helpless. I clenched my fists and jaw, mentally shouting all the insults I knew at Dom.

The air was now still and an oppressing silence fell upon it. It was only slightly disturbed by the steady purr of the air-conditioning system and the hum of all the electronic equipment in room.

I swallowed, perfectly aware that Matt was waiting for me, sitting on his stool. My heart was pounding and blood thrummed loudly in my eardrums as I innerly struggled against the tension that gripped my entire body. Our proximity in such an enclosed space was putting me on edge, to say the least. It felt like we'd been cut out from the rest of the world. As if a thin pellicle had spread across the ceiling and slid all the way down along the walls to end up on the floor, entrapping us in an hermetic bubble.

"I wish you'd come on your own initiative, you know," Matt quietly said behind me, not souding accusing, but rather disappointed.

I mashed my lips together but finally found my nerve and turned around. "Can we get this over and done with?" I said as I strode towards him, the anger in my voice unmistakeable. I was hiding behind hostility to cover up my uneasiness.

He didn't say anything for a minute and I stood awkwardly next to him, staring down at the mixing desk, my attention focused on my own breathing.

"Are you mad at me?" he eventually asked.

I sighed, knowing that my aggression was totally unjustified. "No," I answered, because it was true. "I'm mad at Dom."

He let out a little huff of laughter, which sounded a bit relieved I must say. "Yeah, I know the feeling." Then he lithely got to his feet and my heart stuttered. God, he was close. He was facing the controls as well and his right side was almost touching my left. Why did he have to smell so incredibly good? It was mouth-watering and I could feel myself melting inside.

I took a step back and discreetly watched him while he manipulated the controls of a console, adjusting levels and turning knobs which were completely alien to me. I had expected him to face me square and ask me whether or not I'd talked to Jack the very second we'd been left alone. But he seemed really eager to go back into the recording booth. Well, fine with me, a few more minutes of respite were welcomed.

He looked tense as well, I could see it in the way he was moving, and he looked tired. But also sexy as hell.

I frowned at my own thoughts. '_What? Sexy as hell? Oh come on, Jade..._'

But I couldn't help it. And yes, he looked mussed up in a sexy kind of way, with his black pants, his blue printed T shirt which matched his eyes, and his messy black hair... I'd missed him. I wanted to grab him from his T shirt and pull him close to me and...

And he sneaked a glance at me right there, catching me staring at his lips. I quickly looked away but I saw him smile just before I did. I could feel my face flaming as red as all the tomatoes in the world.

"Here," he said, his voice rather low and cautious in spite of the smile I'd just glimpsed. "This is the talk-back microphone. It's muted by default, you'll have to press this button if you want to talk to me. I can control the recording of my voice from the inside. What I need you to do is just to click here," he pointed at the computer's screen, "to get the music started when I tell you. That's all."

Pretty simple indeed. "Okay," I muttered, nodding slightly, still furiously blushing.

He handed me a pair of large, comfortable-looking headphones. "You'll need this to hear me, and to hear the musical background as well."

I took them, careful not to touch his fingers when I did.

"Any questions?"

I shook my head, looking down. "No."

He stood next to me for a few seconds, I heard him take a deep breath, and then he turned around and opened the recording booth's door. I found myself alone in the control room, facing an army of buttons, switches and levels which seemed to be staring back blankly at me. It was quite intimidating.

I glanced around me, with the headphones in my hands, feeling completely out of my depth. I tried to concentrate on the fact that I only had to click on one button.

'_One button, easy._'

I put the headphones on and sat down on one of the leather office chairs before rolling it closer to the computer. I dropped my small handbag on the stool where Matt had been sitting and rested my fingertips on the edge on the desk, careful not to touch anything.

"Can you hear me?"

Matt's voice resonated in my ears and I jumped, startled by the unexpected sound.

"Hum, Yeah," I stammered out. But then I almost face-palmed myself. "Stupid," I whispered as I reached for the talk-back mike's button. "Yes, I can hear you," I said, turning the volume of my headphones down a bit, thanks to the little inline remote.

"Good."

I peeked up at him through the glass, more daring now that he was in the other room. It was a vocal booth in fact, not an isolation room for instruments like the one in the picture he'd sent me. The walls and ceiling were covered with burgundy gypsum boards for soundproofing and the room itself was really small, designed to accommodate two or three people, no more. Matt was standing in front of his recording microphone and was setting his own headphones on. I saw him puff out some air as if he was trying to relax. His eyes were closed and he looked very focused.

"Okay, you can send the music in."

"Er, alright," I mumbled, more to myself than to him since I hadn't pushed the button again. I shifted on my chair, sitting closer to its edge, and then I laid my hand on the computer's mouse and clicked on the monitor's icon he'd shown me.

There, job done.

After a couple of seconds I heard a distant, eerie whistling and I knew that the music had started playing. And I suddenly realised just how lucky I was, being where I was right now, listening to this. A song which wasn't even out yet, one that was destined to end up on their third album according to Dom. Any fan's dream.

The instruments came on stage one by one. First the piano, accompanied by the bass, and then the drums. The rhythm wasn't fast but it wasn't particularly slow either. There was a slightly creepy vibe to it and I already knew that this song would be special and bewitching.

Matt started to sing, his voice calm and soft.

_Lips are turning blue  
A kiss that can't renew_

As the last word faded on his lips, Matt's eyelids drifted open, and he looked straight into my eyes. He caught me red-handed, gazing at his face in admiration. My first impulse was to look away but his blue irises were glowing with a fire I'd learnt to recognise, and my eyes stayed locked on his, despite my best intentions.

_I only dream of you  
My beautiful..._

How naive of me, to have thought that the glass would protect me. I could hear him, and I could see him. It was all he needed to burn his way to my heart. Because that was what he was doing: captivating me with his voice, his beautiful, silky voice, and staring right into my soul. It wasn't fair, this power he had on me, but there was nothing I could do about it, even with a thick window between us.

I was suddenly pulled back in time. I saw myself, standing in front of his door, when my mother and his grandmother had been near but completely pushed away in the background because Matt had outshone all the others around him. I lost myself in the dark ocean of his eyes, just like I had during that first time I'd seen him, drawn into them as if they had their own gravitational pull. And in that swift instant he ensnared my heart again, leaving me breathless.

_Tip toe to your room  
A starlight in the gloom  
I only dream of you  
And you never knew..._

Even in my pseudo-hypnotic state, I suddenly understood what these lyrics were about. My fingers clutched the edge of the mixing desk and all my bones locked into place as the realisation hit me like a train.

'_This is us. He's singing about us._'

A guitar began playing in the background and Matt started singing what sounded like the chorus, his voice becoming more passionate.

_Sing for absolution  
I will be singing  
And falling from your grace  
Ooooooh..._

My mind was split in half, like it often was when I was with him. One part was reasoning, analyzing his words finely to find all the meanings behind them.

Blue lips... Was he only referring to the light on the roof and in the nightclub? No, it had to be more than that... Cold lips? Rejection?

Sing for absolution? Absolution for what? For something he'd done? For what he was doing right there? Or for something he was about to do?

'I only dream of you'. This sentence was fueling the other half of my mind. The half which was savouring each syllable that his fascinating lips shaped.

His voice was painting pictures in my mind. All the images and sensations that had been constantly haunting me for these past few days- and which I'd tried to bury as I deep as possible- were shooting up like skyrockets to reach the very surface of my mind, invading my thoughts with a vengeance. Matt's face in the bluish light of dusk, the soft foam shielding us from the rest of the world, the crowd tearing us apart, his reflection in the mirror in my room when he had stood silhouetted in the lamp light... His fingers in my hair, his lips on my skin...

I was still sitting on the leather chair, and he was still standing in front of his microphone. My eyes had never looked away from his face, the memories only floated in front of it like superimposed images. And given the way he was staring at me, I fancied we were sharing the same heated thoughts.

I would have been incapable of speech at the moment, but it wasn't the case for him. And, while his gaze never left mine- as if he was reading some riveting story in my eyes- he moistened his lips and resumed singing.

_There's nowhere left to hide  
In no one to confide  
The truth burns deep inside  
And will never die..._

My heart squeezed and twisted. I swallowed, trying to contain my emotion and the fresh bout of tears that threatened.

'_Oh no... Not again!_'

It truly _wasn't_ in my habbit to cry rivers. I didn't cry. Ever. I hadn't cried when our dog had died when Alex and I had been little. True, I had locked myself in my room for two days and had refused to eat... But I hadn't cried. I hadn't cried either when my first boyfriend had left me. Even though it'd hurt, because I'd thought I was in love with him at the time. Alex had once told me that people had been talking behind my back in one of our schools, calling me the Ice Queen. Because I didn't cry, I made others cry.

But what Matt was saying was true. I hadn't been able to truly confide in anyone. Not in Charlenne, not even in Alex... Nor Jack.

And there _was_ nowhere left to hide now. Everybody appeared to know what had happened, and they seemed to be waiting for an explanation of some sort. As if I had one to give...

I was cornered, trapped in a narrow impasse, ready to cave in under the pressure. I'd been accumulating tears for years, and just like a soaked sponge being squeezed I'd been giving it all back since Friday night.

_Lips are turning blue  
A kiss that can't renew  
I only dream of you  
My beautiful..._

A tingling sensation sparked in my nose and my chest constricted. Matt's face got blurry... No, in fact it was just tears welling in my eyes. A few drops oozed down my cheeks when I blinked and my lips parted, trying to suck in more air through my swollen throat...

_Sing for absolution  
I will be singing  
Falling from your grace  
Heyyy..._

This was too much. Too much emotions to handle, too much power in Matt's voice.

My next breath came out in a hitched sob, my face contorted, and I burst into tears. I propped my elbows on the mixing desk's edge and hid my face in my hands, finally breaking eye contact with Matt. I was weeping harder than ever before in my life. Loudly and uncontrollably, without restrain.

Karma had its revenge: the Ice Queen was crying now.

_Sing for absolution  
I will be singing  
Falling from your grace  
Yeeeeeaaaaaaah..._

Tears were pooling in my palms, running down my wrists. I was a blubbering mess on my chair, and with my eyes closed all was dark and my hearing more was acute. Which was making it even worse.

_Our wrongs remain unrectified  
And our souls won't be exhumed..._

Matt sang, his voice intermingling with with my sobs, my head was pounding, and I couldn't seem to be able to stop crying. Nevertheless, I soon heard the music quiet down and, through the mist of my misery, I realised that Matt had finished singing. I couldn't stay in here, I was going to suffocate... The unexplainable pain was just too great, my throat too tight. My heart was spiraling down into a deep abyss, shattering warmth and confidence from within. I needed _air._

Pressed by this craving for freedom, by this urge to leave, I seized my handbag with a hand and grabbed the headphones with the other. I carelessly dropped the latter on the desk, I shot up to my feet, and ran away, my legs carrying me towards the exit before I could even comprehend I was moving.

* * *

A/N: And now you know how I got started on 'This Feeling of Pure Freedom'. Just listening to 'Sing For Absolution', building a story around it, a story about a 'truth buried deep inside' and characters being pushed into corners until there were 'nowhere left to hide' and 'no one to confide'.

title: Sing for Absolution + Madness

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	64. I need your love

**ABSOLUTION (3) ...I need your love.**

I hastened into the hallway, wiping the burning tears off of my face with my fingers, but they were falling so thick and fast from my eyes that I could barely see what I was doing. That feeling of helplessness revived my sobs and my eyesight was so fuzzy that I nearly tripped over my own feet. A slight exasperation suddenly mingled with despair and I rubbed both my eyes roughly with my palm till my sight cleared up a bit.

I jogged past the lifts and headed straight for the stairwell. I pulled on the heavy door and squinted when the sunshine hit my eyes. The staircase had a stunning glass vertical frontage that ran up all floors, letting the light pour inside. The blazing sun had been beating down on the linoleum steps for hours and a slight sent of heated plastic was tainting the air.

I hurried down the stairs, my right hand sliding along the hot metallic rail, my footsteps echoing in the empty staircase. I was running, but my legs seemed to move so sluggishly... And I didn't stay alone for long. I had barely gone down the first flight of stairs when I heard the door open again behind me.

"Jade!"

I quickened my pace and reached the second floor. I could hear him hot on my tail as I darted down another flight of stairs. I was wearing short heels whereas he had a pair of converse on. So, evidently, he quickly closed the gap between us.

I made it to the groundfloor level but didn't have enough time to reach the door: he snatched my upper-arm and spun me around.

"Wait," he ordered.

Tears sprang to my eyes again as soon as he touched me. I tried to wrestle him off, to shove him away, but my hands were flailing wildly in the air and he easily gained the upper hand. Yet I kept on struggling like a lizard in a kid's hand, fighting even if I knew there was no way I could win. He even lifted me up the ground once or twice and eventually trapped me between the wall and himself and clutched my wrists tightly in his hands.

"Shhhh. Come on, Jade, calm down," he whispered against the lobe of my ear, his voice soft and soothing, but a bit out of breath as well. "You can quit struggling; I'm not letting go of you. Calm down..."

My last ounce of resistance deserted me. I surrendered and fell into the warm and secure frame of his body, heaving in exhausted breaths. He quickly let go of my wrists but tightened his grip on me, preventing me from dropping to the floor.

I emitted a shaky sigh when I felt his gentle and protective arms embrace me, cradling me against him. I'd never been so disorientated before in my life. My mind was suddenly disconnected and drowsy. I didn't know what to think, what to feel, what to do... I didn't understand why his hug felt so comforting when I should have been trying to escape. I couldn't even remember why I'd been running away in the first place anymore...

Acting on impulse, I pushed him away. Not too harshly- because otherwise he'd have tried to subdue me again- but firmly enough so that he took a step back and gave me some space. It was the only way I could hope to clear my mind, because being this close to him scattered my emotions to the wind and I couldn't think straight.

I peered up at him through my lashes and was suddenly distracted by the few, unkempt locks of dark hair brushing against his forehead, by the heat gathering in his cheeks, by his parted lips which were dragging hasty breaths of air into his lungs, by his wet eyelashes glistening like crystals in the sunlight. He'd been crying as well. I lowered my eyes to my feet, only now realising that I was trembling like hell and that my erratic panting was puncturing the silence of the staircase. I closed my eyes and swallowed, turning my tear-stained face away from him. My eyebrows knitted together and I felt the tears surging up again.

'_I made him cry._'

The though itself was enough to wring two fat drops out of my closed eyelids.

'_I made him cry..._'

"No, no, don't," he whispered, looping his arms around my waist and leaning into me again. "Don't cry..." His breathing was ghosting across my face. "Don't cry," he pleaded once more, his voice breaking.

'_Well, we can go on like that for a long time...if we make each other cry by tearing up._'

I rested my head against the wall, trying to combat the throbbing headache that had crept in. I cracked my eyelids open and looked at him with small, burning eyes, blinking and thus releasing another couple of tears. He cupped my cheeks in his hands and used his thumbs to swipe the salty droplets away. I sniffed and swallowed, my breathing still punctuated by quiet gasps but my crying finally petering out.

I watched him soaking me in with troubled eyes, his irises darkened by what I could only identified as guilt. "I never meant to hurt you," he suddenly swore with undoubtable sincerity.

'_Neither did I._'

His face was so close to mine, I could almost taste again the passionate kisses he'd left on my lips a few days ago. And as if he was able to read my mind, his eyes roamed over my face and he tentatively leaned closer. My eyelids fluttered closed but when his nose brushed against my cheek and before his lips could touch mine, something in me commanded me to turn away.

"No," I breathed, the shaky voice slipping through my lips sounding almost unrecognizable to my own ears. I was't sure whether this single word had been aimed at him or at myself, since my own ache to kiss him was almost crippling.

He sighed a short, tense sigh, and pulled away before taking a few steps back so there was a fair distance between us. I almost pouted, hating to feel the warmth of his body leaving mine.

'_You don't know what you want, girl..._'

Matt looked down, his face crumbling at my rejection. Remorse reared up and clawed at me, making my stomach clench into a tight knot while I stared at the intense shadow of disappointment that had so suddenly taken over his handsome features.

Without warning, a quiet bitter laugh skipped from his lips. My eyebrows drew together in concern.

"It's ironical," he muttered as if he were talking to himself. I didn't answer but he shifted his eyes up to my face nonetheless. His gaze was weary and tired in spite of the wry smile that curved his lips. "It's so fucking ironical just how accurate my foreseeing was. I sang for absolution...and _did_ fall from your grace," he explained, chuckling with anything but humour.

I sighed and closed my eyes again, feeling my heart sink in a sea of deep sadness. How the hell had we reached this point? What had sparked it all?

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered.

Matt wasn't answering so I opened my eyes. He was now leaning against the end of the banister, perched on the last step of the stairs, staring at me with his arms crossed.

"What do you mean, why am I doing this?" he asked, frowning.

A soft rush of air escaped me and I shook my head. I was slightly incredulous. "_This_, Matt. The song and...and all the rest. Why are you doing this to us?"

He stared at me silently for another couple of seconds, the faintest hint of red creeping up to his cheeks, and then he licked his lips and sucked in a long, slow breath. "You know why," he muttered, looking away.

I pushed myself away from the wall and I huffed out a frustrated breath, unsatisfied with his cryptic answer. Of course not. I didn't know why. If I _had_ known why he was so stubbornly destroying our relationship, I would have stopped him.

"But I don't."

He rolled his eyes. "Please."

"I'm serious," I insisted. "All was going just fine. During all these months. And then- then you and Dom, you... You just changed your minds!" My voice was growing stronger and I felt a strange anger rising in me. "The two of you decided to fuck everything up! It's all ruined now! You and I were friends but now-"

He suddenly bolted towards me, startling me, and I instinctively retreated, until my back hit the wall behind me again. Matt stopped only a foot away from me, and I felt as though my heart was going to pound straight out of my chest.

"I don't want to hear any weak garbage like that," he spat out, his eyes heated with an anger that shot my own little tantrum dead. "You and I were never simple friends. I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. You _tried_ to hold me back into the friend zone, because of your fucking boyfriend."

My lips parted, and I was ready to defend Jack, because I'd never allowed anyone to talk about him like that. But Matt's glower made me shut my mouth again.

"You kissed me, Jade, as much as I kissed you. You crave me, as much as I crave you."

I could see in the rigidity of his expression that he believed every word. And I didn't even try to deny it.

"But it was you who came after me," I pointed out, knowning that this was the only legitimate accusation I had. "You _promised _me, and you broke your word."

He breathed an exasperated sigh. "The hell with this bloody promise," he growled. He caught me off guard when he put one hand on either side of my shoulders, effectively trapping me and sending my pulse racing with renewed energy.

"Do you want to know why I couldn't hold on to my promise?"

"Yes," I managed to get out, breathing hard and keeping my eyes fixed on the floor.

"Do you want to know why I couldn't stay away?"

I didn't answer right away and he grabbed my shoulders, making me look up.

"Yes," I hissed through gritted teeth, glaring daggers at him.

His right hand suddenly flew up to grip the hair on the back of my neck and his lips crushed mine, in a kiss that had no tenderness. Just like in my room, my protests were stifled by his lips and I almost felt the urge to cry again. If there'd been any room behind me to back up, I would have done so. It felt like he was punishing me somehow, his mouth pressed tightly against mine, not moving. But unlike our kiss in my room, this one was short. He pulled away quickly but didn't let go of me.

"_This_ is why," he said firmly, his eyes hard and different, as if the ocean was now frozen in a layer of protective ice.

A small whimper escaped my throat and perhaps he sensed that I was on the verge of tears again because he released me and drew away a bit. He moved his eyes up and down me like he was giving me a quick once-over, as if it could help him choose his next words better.

"I did what I did," he went on, slowly articulating each word, "because I can't fucking _breathe_ when you're not around me, Jade."

I stood frozen, listening to the ringing in my temples and the echo of his words.

"Because the moment our lips touched on that rooftop," he pointed in a random direction to emphasize his words, "you tore my heart out, and branded it with a hot iron in the shape of your name before shoving it back in."

His voice lost its angered tone and he reached both of his hands up to cup my face in them. "I couldn't stay away," he said softly, "because there isn't a minute that goes by where I'm not thinking of you." He looked so honest and vulnerable, the words were tumbling out of his mouth fast now, as if he couldn't help saying them. "You're everything to me, my moonlight in the night, my shelter from the storm, my desert rain," he fervently stated. He stopped for a second, catching his breath. He swallowed back a shaky gulp and completed his fervid declaration. "I've got you under my skin, Jade, and there's nothing I can do about it."

He fell silent, letting all of this permeate my brain. I swayed on my feet, trying to take in his words. I tossed them around in my head several times, replaying them again and again like a CD stuck on repeat, but it didn't seem to register. I was utterly stunned by what he'd just said to me. I felt as though I'd somehow fallen asleep in the middle of his speech and had landed in some odd dream.

The silence stretched between us while his last sentence seemed to hang in the air. He dropped his hands to his sides and looked down, waiting for my reply.

"Please, say something," he murmured, after a minute.

But my mind was too numb to even begin building a coherent answer. "I..." That was all I managed to breathe out.

Then something warm started to unfurl, deep in my belly. And a single thought made its way through the confused fog in my mind.

'_Dom's right. Matt's in love with me._'

My whole body crawled with gooseflesh. I'd dreaded that revelation as much as I'd longed for it. Matt was in love with me.

To understand what was going on in my mind, you have to imagine that the different aspects of myself- emotivity, wisdom, judgment, logic, impulsivity,...- were like little characters, sitting at a large round table in my head. Usually they got along just fine, debating and then reaching consensus. But right there, they were just yelling at each other, yanking on hair, kicking, biting, pinching, and hitting.

"I-" I tried again, my mouth suddenly scorching dry. "I don't know what to think," I whispered, the end of the sentence half-strangled, because my throat was suddenly no larger than a coffee straw.

His shoulders seemed to drop, slowly, but surely. "I just admited to you that you're my sole reason for living... And you don't know what to think?"

I slowly shook my head, feeling a choking sense of desperation. "I'm sorry," I moaned and I tried to show him in my eyes just _how_ terribly sorry and lost I was.

He lowered his eyes pensively, then pivoted on his heel and paced the floor for an instant. I watched him, all the while trying to untangle the bunch of knots in my head.

Without warning he halted and sighed. He seemed to have taken a decision. "I guess what you need is a trigger then."

I gulped, instantly worried. This wasn't good, I could feel it.

"What-" I began into the tense silence, but he spoke again, quieting me before I could let out another sound.

"I am so sorry for what I'm about to do. But you're leaving me no choice." He took a sharp breath, running his hand through his hair. Then his eyes flicked to mine and I tried to brace myself for the worst, my mind racing a mile a minute, thinking of all the horrible things I was about to be told.

"If you're incapable of seeing what you can gain," he slowly started, "then perhaps you'll be able to appreciate what you can lose. Which one of us would be the greater loss?"

His voice was tight, his body tense. It took me a few seconds, but the meaning of what he was implying eventually dawned upon me and my heart missed a beat.

"No, Matt, don't-"

"You have to choose," he cut me off. "I can't live like that anymore." I shook my head again, silently begging him to stop, but he carried on nevertheless. "I'm not going to put myself through this masochistic fuckery anymore," he declared, the wobble in his voice slightly belying the conviction of his words, as all of his emotions seemed to rush to the surface like a roaring current. "It's slowly poisoning me, day by day, to have to breathe in this empty existence that feels like torture. I need you, and I can't share you."

He looked utterly desperate now, as if saying the words out loud was already breaking his heart. "You have to choose, Jade. It's either him or me. Choose me, and leave him for me. 'Cause if you stay with him... I'll cut you out of my life, and you'll never see me again. Because this is the only way I can hope to survive."

He became silent and his gaze shifted up to look into my eyes, deeply earnest, almost solemn, awaiting my decision with bated breath.

Words failed me. I swallowed for the umpteenth time, trying to work out what I wanted to say, struggling to find a way to convey how I felt... But what I felt was chaos. He couldn't possibly be _serious_...

"You don't mean that," I ventured, not sure if it was a question or an affirmation.

"Unfortunately, I do," he returned me without a second of hesitation.

I was becoming more afraid with each passing second and I could feel the anxiety attack looming. My blood had turned to ice. This couldn't be happening... I was petrified, terrified, utterly speechless. It was like the atmosphere was suddenly saturated with microscopic blades. Every breath in and out became agony.

I _couldn't_ choose! I hadn't been able to choose during those five days, and now he was asking me to take a decision in the spur of the moment. I hadn't even told Jack what had happened, and Matt was asking me to leave him right there, purely and simply.

Losing either of them was unthinkable. Losing Jack would reshape my whole life, it would be like losing my home and bearings. And losing Matt...would be like being stripped of eyesight and hearing, being left to grope my way around the world, without being able to fully enjoy the things of life.

I was at a deadlock and couldn't find anything to say. And Matt put his own spin on my heavy silence. He turned away from me, but before he did I saw his features scrunch up with pain.

I wanted to tell him that I didn't know, not that I was turning him down, just that I _didn't know_. But my vocal cords didn't seem inclined to obey me and no sound came out through my lips.

Matt suddenly whirled around again and quickly closed the distance between us. I tried to catch his eye but he moved too fast and soon he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pressed his lips hard against my forehead. He held them there for a few seconds then he rested his own forehead against mine. His breathing was shallow and I could feel his eyes were screwed tightly shut.

"Goodbye, Jade," he breathed, ache laced in his voice.

'_What? ! NO!_'

He pulled away without waiting for an answer, turning around as he did. And he headed for the door.

Time came to a sudden, frozen halt around me. Images flashed and spun in quick succession in my head, like in a carousel. All the memories I had of moments spent with Matt since the day I'd met him. The laughs, the conversations- calm or heated, the secret looks, the complicity, and more recently the caresses and kisses, the hugs and embraces... They all flew in my mind, vivid and breathtaking.

The sounds of his footsteps were miles away, somewhere beyond the thick, dreamy fog that had enveloped me. But I could still see him walking away from me, leaving me. And all of a sudden, all I could feel was sheer dread and devastation, a profound melancholy, a sadness so great, my chest tightened and the colours of the world seemed to lose their luster.

Remember the Sword of Damocles hanging over our heads? The one I'd been so afraid of all this time, because I'd thought it would destroy our group? Well, it was finally cut loose over me. Except that its effect wasn't the one I'd been expecting all along.

It shattered the shell of ice that had formed in my heart so long ago. That part of me that I'd tied up, gagged, and thrown into an abandoned corner. And behind the ice was something bright and beautiful. I shuddered, my body taking the blow of this powerful release. That golden warmth pulsated from my core outwards, thumping in my bloodstream and beating around my body in time with my heart.

But while I tasted that sweet essence in my mouth, time- as slow as it might have been- was running by. Matt had almost reached the door, and when he held up his hand to push it open, I suddenly found my voice again.

"_Matt!_"

His name resonated in the staircase. When he spun around I'd already caught up with him and I threw myself at him, locking my arms around his neck and slamming him against the door.

"Don't go, don't go, don't go," I begged, "don't leave me, I love you, don't go..."

He froze for a second, but then he took hold of my shoulders and looked down at me with round eyes, his face streaked with tears but the blue of his irises melting again. "What did you just say?"

"Hum, don't go?" I gave him a half-smile, knowing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

He closed his eyes and a hard swallow rippled his Adam's apple. "Not that part."

A rush of breath left my body and I clasped his face in both of my hands, the skin of his cheeks wet in my palms. I waited until he opened his eyes again.

"I'm in love with you, Matt," I ardently declared. "I love you," I said again, tasting the words. It wasn't the first time I'd said these, but it was the first time it felt so real. I suddenly couldn't hold it back. "I love you, I love you, I-"

The rest was muffled, when he took my face in his hands as well and his mouth landed on mine. He snatched my lips hungrily with an aching kiss, stealing all the breath in my lungs. It felt like I was drinking him, and his addictive flavour rushed into my mouth, as if it had never truly left. My arms were draped around his neck again, trying to bring him as close to me as possible while I was pouring my heart into the kiss. My hands tangled in his hair, squeezing it between all of my knuckles with all the lust and need that was swirling below the surface of my skin.

His hands grabbed my waist so tightly, it would have hurt, if my mind had been able to feel pain right now. But all I could feel was this consuming love, this living current running through me, passing through his lips into mine, as if he completed the circuit.

One of his hand was now flat against the small of my back, his splayed fingers keeping me close as he leaned into me, the contours of his body pressing into mine. He walked me backwards, our tongues entwined, until my back thudded against the wall again. He sucked and worshiped with his lips, stroked with his tongue, nipped with his teeth, kissing my face, my throat, my lips, running his hands into my hair...

I tossed my head back and he attached his lips to my neck, sparking a blaze in the lowest hollow of my belly that made me feel more alive than ever before.

"I love you," fell from my lips again.

He moaned into my neck and his arms gripped me in a vice, as if he were afraid I would disappear into thin air at any moment. We lost our balance and leaned our sides against the wall. We stood there, wrapped around each other like snakes, clinging together like shipwrecked sailors, trembling and in love. And, slowly, we slid to the ground, never letting go of the other.

* * *

A/N: Fucking finally, right? ^^

title: Sing for Absolution + Madness

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	65. Floating on a tidal wave together

Hi, there!

Did you miss me? ^^ Well if you did, here's a new chapter! And a second one will come very soon. Perhaps tomorrow or in a couple of days.

The M-rating in starting to peep around the corner...

* * *

**ABSOLUTION (4/4) You and me are floating on a tidal wave together  
**

I pried my eyes open to the bright golden light of late spring, the warmth of the afternoon sun nicely spilling over my skin through the huge glass window of the staircase. I felt comfortable, tucked into the crook of his left arm while he sat with his back resting against the wall, holding me against him.

I had dozed off into his arms. My whole body ached with a dull tightness now that I was free from the tension which had been an omnipresent force gripping my limbs for the past few days. I felt as if each and every single muscle in my body had been battered into mash by a meat tenderizer. I was so freaking exhausted...

My heavy eyelids slid closed again and I curled up against him with a soft hum. The side of my face was resting against his chest and I breathed in deeply, inhaling his scent through the fabric of his T-shirt, before releasing it in a contented sigh.

Soon I felt his fingertips gingerly brushing over my cheek, my eyelids, my forehead. He lightly stroked my hair, trailing down my neck, questing across my chest, before gliding up towards my face again. The pads of his fingers left tingling trails in their wake and I sighed once more, loving his soft hand-drawn maze. I tilted my head back, so I could look up at him.

His eyes too, were wandering from my chest to my face, and they finally found mine. The small smile that had been curving his lips widened just a bit when he saw that I was gazing back at him. He looked like I felt: tired but serene, at last. His eyes were so clear, I'd never seen them so peaceful, there wasn't a single wave there to break the warm, untroubled ocean.

Blue eyes can't lie is what they say, and it was so true with his. They were shining with love and trust. I wanted to stay connected to him in that way for hours, all through the day and the night and even longer if possible. I would never grow tired of gazing into the captivating whirlpool of thoughts that was his mind throught these small blue windows. But, to my disappointment, he eventually looked away and as he did I noticed that a bigger smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, though he was trying to hold it back.

I raised my hand to his face and placed it on his cheek, silently asking him to look at me again. "What is it?" I inquired, smiling because his apparent mirth was contagious.

He turned his face towards me but kept his eyes down and nibbled at his lips to contain that big smile.

"What?" I asked again, giggling.

He closed his eyes, still smiling, and shook his head before nestling his face into my hand.

"Tell me," I whispered gently.

He kissed my palm and his eyes opened again. "I'm just happy," he finally breathed against my skin, blue eyes sparkling at me as he tried to hide his sunny smile behind my hand.

I hadn't expected this answer. This simple, beautiful answer. His words, and more particularly the way he was looking at me right there, made me feel a joy so full, I believed my heart could hold no more. I was melting inside and my lips began to stretch into a smile. I was the one trying to hide this time, and I snuggled my face into his neck.

He let out a little huff of laughter, I felt it in my hair, and then his right arm curled around my waist, joining the other to pull our bodies closer together.

His smell was intoxicating. So potent there, in the crook of his neck. Delicious. "Hmmm," I sighed, wrapping an arm around his right shoulder. "What's your perfume?" I asked as I slowly slid my nose against the slope of his shoulder and the smooth column of his throat.

"I'm not wearing any," he purred, obviously enjoying my touch.

I drew back a bit. "Liar. No one can smell that good without a little help."

He pouted, and I wasn't sure if it was in response to my accusation or because I'd pulled away. "It's true. I'm not wearing any," he repeated, sounding sincere. But then the corner of his mouth quirked up. "Although the after-shave probably helps."

I smirked at him before I resumed nuzzling the hollow at the base of his neck. "What's the fragrance?"

"Well, it's-"

I kissed his skin, where his pulse was.

"Hum..."

'_Wow, he can be easily distracted._'

"Something with berries... Juniper berries. And dark wood."

I kissed him soflty again, on the same spot.

"Why? Do you like it?" he asked me, a bit out of breath.

I was very pleased with the way he was reacting to my attentions. It was making me feel all-powerful and I decided to play it to the full. I let my lips ghost along his jaw line, barely brushing his skin. "Do I look like I'm not loving it to you?" I whispered before trailing kisses across his jaw and then his cheek.

He never answered. Instead he swiveled his head until his mouth met mine. I waited for his tongue to breach my lips open, I was used to his bursts of passion, when he would claim me as his. But in fact he just kept planting delicate kisses on my lips, his own lips wrapping around mine sensualy. He was kissing me calmly, softly, without urgency. Even on the rooftop he hadn't been that tender, that gentle.

Our lips melted and fused together while we cuddled, happily discovering a new side of our strange symbiotic relationship. His arms encased me deeply and it went on and on, till my toes curled in my shoes and blood began to pulse in my lips. I was on the verge of forgetting my own name, but then it ended, too soon. When his mouth eventually parted from mine, lingering slightly, I kept my eyes closed and rested my cheek on his chest again.

His heart was beating fast and strong, a steady thump next to my ear, and for a good minute I did nothing but listen in wonder, knowing it belonged to me now. His lips touched my forehead and his breath fanned over my skin. "You know, there's something I would never, _never_, have admitted before today but..."

"Mmh?" I prompted him when he didn't finish.

"The more you fight for your love, the sweeter the conquer is."

I smiled but my eyebrows slightly twitched with bewilderment. I pulled away just a notch and looked up at him curiously. What had I done to deserve such a devotion? Why me?

He brushed his index finger down the side of my face while he gazed at me. "What are you thinking about, in that lovely head of yours?"

My smile widened. Matt honeying up was still something I needed to get used to.

"Nothing, it's not important," I replied, turning my head to kiss his fingers.

"Tell me," he pressed me, echoing my words from earlier. He cupped my cheek and traced my cheekbone with his thumb. "You should know by now that it's not healthy to keep things all bottled up inside. Tell me."

He had a point, but I wondered if he was really concerned about my emotional health and balance or if he was just eaten up with curiosity. Yet whatever the answer was, I eventually humoured him and spoke my mind, looking down. "I'm just wondering... Why me?"

"Why you?"

"Yes," I sighed and peeked up at him through my lashes before continuing. He was frowning, like I had expected him to. "I'm not exactly the typical kind of girl you usually end up with at the end of the night," I explained. He looked away at this point, slightly smiling, and inhaled as if he wanted to interrupt me, but I carried on. "The last ten girls you hooked up with were all dark-haired," I started counting with my fingers to enhance my listing, "smoky-eyed, dumb as fuck, and breasts bursting out of tops."

He chuckled at those last two depictions and his chest rumbled against me, eliciting yet another impulsive tug somewhere deep in my belly.

"Seriously," I insisted, giggling as well and trying to ignore my sudden pang of lust, "I can't fathom what you see in me!"

But in truth I knew I was being unfair and that jealousy was talking here. A couple of these girls had been nice persons, smart and sweet, and I hadn't understood at the time why he hadn't given them a chance.

The heart-melting smile was back on his face and he dipped down to peck my lips. "You're really something," he mused to himself when he withdrew again. He gazed at me in silence for a few more seconds, eyes soft and amused. "Did it ever occur to you that I chose these girls _precisely _because they were your opposite?"

It took me a second to register his sentence, because when his lips had touched mine the little fire in my womb had doubled in size and voracity. Apparently he wasn't the only one who could be easily distracted... Damn it, I really needed to get a grip.

"Really? Why?" I eventually managed to ask. But as soon as the question left my lips, I started to guess the answer.

"Well..." he trailed off, looking like he was searching for a way to formulate his reply. "I was just trying to keep you out of my mind. For at least a few hours."

I swallowed with difficulty, suddenly feeling a bit guilty. "Was it efficient?"

He gave me a small, sort of sad smile. "Never for long."

What he'd said a few minutes earlier (or was it hours instead of minutes? I'd lost track of time...) rang in my mind again: _there isn't a minute that goes by where I'm not thinking of you._

'_Oh Matt... How long have you been feeling like this?_'

Until the moment he had declared his love earlier, I had always thought I was just a 'girl buddy' to him. An appetizing one perhaps, if I may flatter myself, but still nothing more than a friend. Or at least, I had convinced myself of it. From my point of view, all the one-night stands had been proofs that he had no romantic feelings whatsoever towards me.

But now the past months were being lit from a new angle in my mind, and I interpreted everything differently. I imagined the tortured Matt, writhing inside a perfectly cool veneer of carefreeness, seeking some freedom in other women's arms. To think that _I_ had unintentionally pushed him into their beds...

Something must have passed over my face because his arms tightened around me and his next words came out soft as cloud. "Hey, you know that none of these girls meant anything to me..."

I nodded, eyes down and throat closed, and it wasn't long before his hand was on my cheek again. I leaned my face into it, taking comfort in his warm touch. "I know," I whispered. "It's just..."

"Yes?" he encouraged me after a few seconds.

I took a deep breath and started playing with his necklace. The piece of silver was warm, having leeched his skin's heat, and I traced my finger along the line of fine metal as I found myself unable to look up straight into his eyes.

"How many have there been after me?" I'd kept my eyes fixed on his necklace as I'd spoken, but I could feel his gaze on me and I knew that he was patiently waiting for me to elaborate. I swallowed around the lump in my throat. "How many girls have you been with since last Friday?"

He shifted his body slightly and I heard him sigh. Nervous?

I instantly backtracked. "I'm sorry, I should never have brought that up," I quickly mumbled as I drew my hand away from his neck.

He caught my hand with his own, brought it up to his mouth, and pressed it against his lips for a quick kiss. "How many do you think?"

Oh Hells... He wasn't going to make me _guess_, was he?

"Er, I don't know... Three?"

I glanced up hesitantly and I could tell from the look on his face that this wasn't it.

"More?" I wavered, cringing at the thought.

He snorted and looked away. I just couldn't understand why he was looking so sad and slightly appalled at the same time.

"Five?" I tried again.

"Jesus," he grumbled, "is that really what you think of me?"

I stared at him in confusion, lost for words.

'_More than five?_'

He sighed and finally looked into my eyes again.

"None."

I blinked. "None?"

"None," he confirmed.

My mouth opened, but nothing came out, so I closed it. A small smile tilted his lips when he saw just how dumbstruck I was. My hand was still in his and he began to kiss each of my knuckles softly. "Jade," he said between two kisses. "I don't know if you've noticed... But I've lost interest in other women for some time now. Several weeks in fact."

Now that I came to think of it I realised it was true. I'd noticed Matt had sort of retreated into a shell for the last two month, and when I tried to remember who was the last girl I'd seen him with, the only one who came to my mind was the one I'd thrown out of my apartment. It felt like ages ago...

"But... Why?" I breathed, utterly bemused.

He shrugged and I lost his gaze again. "Didn't feel like it anymore."

But I knew he was trying to pass it off. "Come on, there must be a reason," I argued.

He shifted again, making a movement to disengage himself and I sat upright for an instant. I let him change position and then I nestled against him again, burying my face in his neck. He folded his arms around me and held me close once more.

"So?" I said after a moment of quietness. "What's the reason?"

He huffed out a laugh. "Tenacious," he muttered under his breath, making me smile. "I think it's because of the text conversation we had", he finally admitted. "I don't know if you remem-"

"I remember," I cut him off. Of course I remembered. Matt had been acting very strangely that evening...

He exhaled, releasing the rest of the word in a quiet breath. "I think," he resumed after a minute, "I think I wanted to confess to you that night. I don't why, I don't know where the sudden urge came from. But after that... After that I kind of felt down in the dumps. I couldn't bare the touch of anyone. I wanted you and no one else."

I opened my eyes and my lashes brushed against his skin. I pressed a kiss into his neck, then another, then another... And I hoped that he got the message. _You have me now._

My mouth traveled up and eventually reached his lips for a kiss that was a bit messy, due to the angle. His left hand slid up my back and into my hair as he deepened the kiss. The tip of his tongue slipped between my lips and gently touched mine, and the fire in my belly burst into flames again. My arm snaked around his neck and our mingled breath became heavy, ragged.

I was completely falling into the moment, I could feel my skin growing hotter, and I suddenly forgot we were in a public staircase. The only thing that felt real in the world was him, and the way his lips moved over mine, the way his tongue curled over mine, and the jolts of desire it was sending down my abdomen and spine.

I twisted in his arms and soon I was facing him, stradling him, holding his face in my hands, and kissing him as if my life depended on it. His arms circled my waist eagerly, and his hands ran up and down my back as he kissed me back with the desperation of a man going mad with hunger. He caught my lower lip between his, when voices coming from an upper stair suddenly burst our bubble.

We'd been so wrapped up in each other that we hadn't even heard the staircase door open, but the echo of Dom's voice bounced off the walls and down the stairs and we couldn't ignore it.

My lips parted from Matt's and we stared into each other's eyes as we listened, panting but otherwise silent.

"I don't understand why it goes straight to his voicemail," Dom complained from somewhere overhead. "There, you hear? It's the third time now!"

"Relax," Tom's voice answered. "Perhaps he just doesn't have any signal where he is..."

"Phone turned off," Matt silently mouthed at me when he read the question in my eyes.

"No signal?" Dom sounded rather doubtful. "Where is he then? In the tube?"

"I don't know... But Dom, seriously, give him a break. He's a big boy you know," Tom pointed out, trying to reason Dom.

Matt looked up, nodding approvingly at what Tom had just said, and I had to hold back a giggle.

Dom mumped something inaudible and for a second I thought they were leaving the stairs and going back into the corridors. But then, "and what if he's somewhere brooding all alone? !"

Matt sighed and rolled his eyes but he wasn't angry, on the contrary, he was discreetly smiling.

"What if Jade and him had a fight?" Dom continued. He wasn't so far away from the truth... "I swear, if she broke his heart... I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind. And it's not going to be pretty."

I was a bit surprised by Dom's tone, he'd sounded a bit possessive- almost motherly- and dangerous. I'd had a taste of that side of Dom earlier, and I wasn't keen on meeting it again.

In front of me Matt lost his smile as soon as he heard Dom's threath. His eyebrows drew together and all trace of amusement was gone from his face. He looked up again and opened his mouth as if he was about to protest. But I promptly silenced him up: my hand shot up to cover his mouth and I shook my head. His eyes flicked down to mine again and I gave him a warning look.

'_Don't. It's not worth it._'

He unwound, though reluctantly, but there suddenly was an unexpected glint in his eyes. My hand was still over his mouth and he reached up, taking it in his. I watched as he guided my index finger between his lips and his tongue darted forwards, tickling my fingertip. I exhaled shakily and he looked me straight in the eyes when his lips closed around my finger and gently sucked. Warmth rolled through my body like a thundering, thumping bass line, setting off an explosion of need in my belly.

Dom and Tom had shared a few words which Matt and I hadn't paid attention to. And I don't know how I miraculously managed to focus on Dom's voice again, but I did, and I realised I could hear his footsteps as well. He was coming down the stairs.

"Just to check, alright?" Dom was saying. "I'll use the stairs, stick to the lift. Okay?"

"Okay," Tom sighed, apparently giving in. "If it can keep you from launching a CRA..."

My finger popped out of Matt's mouth and we froze, holding completely still for a few thudding heartbeats, eyes locked on the other's. If we stayed here, Dom would find us.

Something passed between us. A silent agreement, an understanding. I suddenly pushed myself up to my feet, careful not to forget my handbag which had been resting on the floor beside us.

Once he was up on his feet as well, my newly found soulmate offered his hand to me and I absentmindedly took it, as if it were the most natural move ever. It was only when I glimpsed the radiant smile plastered on his face that I grasped the heavy meaning behind the gesture and I started smiling as well. He laced his fingers through mine and trailed me behind him. I followed his lead through the door and we exited the staircase together. Dom surely heard us leave, but it didn't matter now. We had a head start.

Of course Matt knew the studio like the back of his hand, every corner, every shortcut. (I know I'm making it sound like he was such an expert, but the studio wasn't that big a building either, eh...) We weaved through the corridors hand in hand, stopping only once so that he could retrieve his jacket. He'd left it in a small lounge room and I waited for him, framed in the door, while he searched for it. Not that he needed any covering with that weather, but he probably had all his papers and stuff in it.

It was resting on one of the chairs' backrest. I knew that jacket very well, for I'd been with him when he'd bought it. It was dark, black almost, but made of this kind of lightweight waterproof fabric which gave it a shiny wet look. And, most of all, it had a high collar which I'd always though was a very attractive detail. I would always be a little bit flustered when we'd be wearing it. Just because it looked so damn hot on him.

He slung it over his shoulder and almost strutted back to my side. I wasn't sure if he was aware of it, but I was finding each and every single one of his movements very alluring right now.

"You know," I started, openly devouring him with my eyes, "I still have your other jacket at home, in my closet. The one you wore last Friday."

He flashed me a roguish smile which made him look even sexier. "I know," he muttered seductively. Gosh! He knew then. Did my blushing cheeks give me away again?

'_Of course he knows, you idiot! You've been a walking concentrate of lust since he's put your goddamn finger into his mouth!_'

He inched closer to me, to whisper in my ear. "And I dare to hope that your perfume has impregnated every fiber of it since then."

He pulled away just a bit and looked at me. The air seemed to crackle between us and I was ready to attack him, to snog this smirk off of his face. But- and I'm sure you're seeing it coming- something got in the way.

We heard the lift just around the corner open, and it was followed by a female voice's cackling that wasn't familiar. Perhaps one of the two girls from earlier? The ones that had been behind the desk at the entrance? I hoped so. Because otherwise, there were far too many women working here for my taste.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, exasperated. Why did we _always_ have to be interrupted?

I wanted to complain some more but Matt grabbed my hand again and tugged me along the corridor, heading in the opposite direction, away from the voice. I trudged behind him as he pulled me fowards, until we finally escaped through one of the back doors.

The sun was still high in the sky, and the heat was such that without the sound of wind blowing through the green leaves of trees and cars passing in the streets, I would have sworn we were stepping out into an arid desert instead of London's streets. I was once more assailed by the bright luminosity, but Matt was taking large strides and I had to quicken my pace in order to keep up. We didn't encounter anyone I knew on our way out of the complex and I felt Matt relax slightly ounce we were out.

'_Why does it feel like we're two burglars leaving the crime scene..._'

Nevermind, the illicite feel of the situation actually had a little thrilling side that I didn't dislike.

A double decker bus was riding by in the street just outside the studio and Matt led me to it. He knew his way around this part of the city better than I did and, again, I followed him without a second's hesitation.

* * *

CRA = child rescue alert

title: "Sing For Absolution' + 'X&Y' - Coldplay

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	66. I can't hide no more

As promised, here's another chapter, and it's not really fit for children lol.

Thanks to PolkaDotMilly and Molly for the reviews :)

* * *

**ALL ENDS WITH BEGINNINGS (1) I can't hide no more, got to be true to myself.**

*Matt's P.O.V.*

The lower deck of the bus was about half-full. Some people here looked grim, overcome by the heat, whereas others on the contrary were quite lively, thriving in the summer-like weather. A little _too_ lively maybe. There was a young latin woman- caramel skin, too much gloss on her lips, huge creole earrings- who was jabbering away on her phone at the far end of the bus. She let out a short bark of laughter when Jade validated her Oyster card, and the man sitting nearest to her scowled and shot her a nasty look.

I leaned closer to Jade's ear. "Let's go uptairs," I suggested.

"Yeah," she said, looking at the phone-girl as she answered.

I stepped aside to let her go first, following close behind her. And I did _not_ stare at her arse...on purpose. She only had a few more steps to go when the bus suddenly took off. The stairs were steep and she was thrown back a little. She tried to hold on to something but she ended up in my arms just the same.

My right hand was clinging to the handrail, anchoring us both, while my left one rested on her waist. Her back was pressed to my front and I couldn't contain my smile, my lips were on autopilot. She cast a quick glance over her shoulder. "Hum, thanks", she muttered, her cheeks colouring up.

"No problem!" I replied, sounding a bit more cheerful than I'd intended.

And as she scrambled up the last couple of steps, I caught myself wondering how it would feel like to make love on stairs. Probably not very comfortable, but still... The idea was tantalizing. I daydreamed about it all the way to my seat. Jade had chosen the rear bench, which was clever because even if we were almost alone up here, being at the back would enable us to see without being seen.

Before she could sit down, my fingers closed around her wrist, stopping her. I tugged her back gently, plopped down on the seat closest to the window in her place, and then pulled her onto my lap. A slight hint of surprise crossed her face but it was quickly replaced by a smile and she opposed no resistance. I dropped my jacket on the seat next to us and wrapped both of my arms around her body to hug her. She stretched her legs on my jacket and looped an arm around my shoulders.

We let the bus carry us in silence for a moment, both lost in thoughts, only kissing and nudging each other lightly in a nonverbal form of affection every so often.

"Will you keep this last recording for the definitive version of the song?" she asked me out of the blue after one of these kisses.

"Yes," I answered right away, looking into her emerald eyes to return her gaze.

She looked so gorgeous today. Even when she'd been crying earlier. Though it'd been agonizing to witness her tears, she had looked so breathtaking, fragile, and beautiful. But it wasn't only the way she looked, it was also what was inside her, her passion, her intensity, her bravery. She was so courageous and loyal, and I would have bet she thought she wasn't. But she was. And the way she was smiling at me right now was worth every moments of doubt and pain I'd been through.

'_God, I love you so fucking much..._'

The words were almost on my lips but I kept them to myself without really knowing why. I mean, it wasn't as if she didn't know that. Sometimes it felt like I would just combust, evaporate, crumble under the sheer force of my feelings for her. Maybe it was just too much for just one man...

"You were the missing piece," I added, stroking my hand down her cheek tenderly.

"Is it..." she moistened her lips- and I couldn't help following the path of her tongue with my eyes- and she looked away, as if reluctant to ask her question. "Is it the first song you wrote about me?" she eventually found the courage to inquire.

I shifted uneasily in my seat. This wasn't an issue I was comfortable with, even with her. For me, lyrics were like splashes of paint on the canvas of songs. Canvas which weren't completely bare to begin with, since the music had colours of its own. But lyrics were easier to read and analyse, louder, flashier. They were a window into my intimacy and it had already occured to me that perhaps I should have sung more about the world around me and less about my inner demons.

Of course not, this wasn't the first song I'd written about her. Admitting that meant exposing myself dangerously. But at the same time, I didn't want to lie to her.

"No, it's not the first one," I confessed.

Some sparkling glim immediately filled her eyes and she breathed in, a million questions already visible in her pretty face. But I laid a finger over her lips. "This is a conversation for another time," I stated, softly but determinedly.

"But-"

"Please, baby, not now."

The second the words were out of my mouth, I realized what I'd just said. The endearment hadn't been planned at all and it surprised us both, effectively taking our minds off the previous matter. We looked at each other in wonder, amazed by how much things had changed in the matter of just a few hours.

"You know... You haven't told me... I mean, you haven't said the words," she muttered, her voice wavering slightly.

'_I know. I don't understand why it's so hard for me to say it._'

"What words?" I asked, beating around the bush.

An embarrassed smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she tried to explain. "You know, those three words that I must have pronounced more than a hundred times earlier..."

My heart started to pound nervously for no apparent reason. "No... But I've said it by other means."

Her smile waned a bit and, albeit she tried to hide it, I saw her face cloud over in disappointment. I instantly felt a sharp tug somewhere in my chest and reached over to put a hand under her chin.

"Hey..." I turned her head so that she would look into my eyes again. "Do you doubt it?"

She gazed at me for a moment, searching my face. "No," she sighed after a while, and her smile widened slightly again but it didn't touch her eyes. "But just the same. It would've been nice to hear it in that way... In the simplest way."

Oh, I knew what she meant. I almost shuddered when I recalled the moment when she'd said it, again and again, when she'd spilled the words onto my tongue and I'd licked them up like honey.

"I love you," I blurted, the sentence tumbling out of my mouth without warning.

Her lips parted, drawing my eyes to her mouth. The back of my fingers brushed along her face in a gentle caress. "Jade, you can't even begin to imagine how much I do," I chuckled breathlessly, disconcerted by the way words were coming so easily to me suddenly. "I've been in love with you for months now, and since this feeling grows deeper every day, I most likely will love you till the day I die."

Apparently unable to resist any longer, she took my mouth in a burning kiss and I smiled against her lips, glad to know that I wasn't the only one to react like that.

She wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and slanted her mouth over my own, and my tongue readily met hers. I could hardly keep my hands off her, having her in my arms, willing and _not feeling guilty_, had always been my fondest dream. When she moved around on my lap and her bottom ground against my groin- on purpose or not- I had to bit back a groan. I swallowed her up in my arms and pulled her body tight against mine, taking control of the kiss, partly because I needed her to stop squirming like that. One more stimulation like this one and I was afraid I would take her right there, on the cheap velvet of the bus' bench.

But still, I couldn't help myself from touching her and I began to explore the curves and dips of her body with my open palms. My lips sealed hotly to hers, I let my caress roam up the length of her ribcage, sliding across the firm swell of her breast. She broke her lips away from mine in a quiet smack and gasped. My mouth chased after her lips like a magnet but she turned her head to glance around us and I ended up sipping her delicate cheek instead. Fuck, she tasted good. I knew she was checking whether or not someone was watching us. But instead of peering around myself to be sure, I laced my right hand in her luxurious hair and I brought her lips back against mine for a wet, anything-but-chaste kiss.

I felt her melting against me with a soft mewling sound, completely giving in, and her surrendering awoke something in me. A hot, needing, wild part of me that had been lurking in the shadows for too long. I wrapped my left hand around one of her ankles, stroked her skin in small circles with my thumb, and then my hand started to glide up. Up along her lean calf, around her knee to continue the trail on the inside of her legs.

Her flesh felt particularly soft today, even smoother than I remembered. My hand seemed to move on its own, relishing the inviting warmth and softness of her inner thigh's skin. I shifted my fingers higher still, inch by inch over her thigh, tracing a random pattern till it slipped under the hem of her sundress. She'd started wriggling on top of me again, grabbing my T-shirt with clutching fingers, but her lips stayed glued to mine and our tongues spiraled together.

That is until my fingers finally came briefly in contact with silky lingerie. That's when she jolted and snatched my wrist before pulling my hand away from her thighs.

"Matt!" she whispered against my cheek, disapproval clear in her voice. But her body stirred against mine, slithering like running water, and the tremor in her hand undermined her feeble complaint.

I moaned quietly in protest, and my hand tried to gravitate towards her crotch again. "No one's watching," I whined, nudging my nose on her temple. I could almost feel my blood boiling in my veins and heat enveloped me from head to toes, flooding my body like liquid lava.

'_Somebody pinch me... Is this real?_'

But she had a firm grip on my wrist and she resisted, keeping my hand at a distance and dodging my kisses. "Someone is!" she hissed.

What she was saying finally clicked in my head and I cast a quick glance at the front of the bus. Sure enough, there, sitting in the first row, were two teenagers stealing glances at us over their shoulders. They were about fifteen or sixteen maybe, both boys. The seats just in front of us were hidding the major part of our bodies but still, they didn't need to see my hand to know that we were heavily making out. One of them stifled a snigger but the stupid grins vanished from their faces and they quickly looked ahead when I glowered at them with a murderous glint in my eyes.

Jade fidgeted, her intent very clear: she wanted to sit next to me. A frustrated grunt rumbled past my throat and I silently cursed the two pimple-faced retards ahead. Jade moved my jacket out of the way and settled down in its place. My lap felt suddenly cold without her to warm it up...

Her face and neck were flushed, her skin rosy and moist, and her lips were slightly swollen because of too much kissing. Something in me growl appreciatively at her appearance and my hand automatically found its way back onto her thigh and started to pull the hem of her dress up. She squirmed and caught my hand in her own.

She placed my hand on my knee. "Matt, stop it," she demanded, trying to sound serious and shocked but ending up chuckling.

I impishly smiled at her and rested my arm on her seat's backrest. "Are you _sure_ you want me to stop?"

She smiled to herself but nodded her response. "Not in public!" she added in a hushed tone.

"Says the girl who climbed on top of me in a staircase just a few moments ago..."

She half-rolled her eyes at me. "We were alone."

"Are these two bothering you?" I asked her innocently, indicating the two morons at the front. "Do you think a hundred quids would be enough if I asked them to look away?"

She turned wide eyes on me and it was all of three seconds before I started laughing. She ended up joining me, but I could see in her eyes that she wondered whether or not I'd been serious about my suggestion.

"With a hundred quids I would expect them to stand guard in the stairs," she said, joking it off.

"Good idea!" I exclaimed. "Let's go ask them," I offered, standing up.

"No way!" she squeaked, yanking me back into my seat. By now I was already shuddering to a stream of giggles. "It's not funny!" she wailed, hilariously flustered. She lightly smacked my arm when I didn't stop chortling.

"Ouch," I chuckled. I grabbed her forearm to prevent any further smacking. "If it's not funny then why are you smiling?"

"Because you're lau-"

I shut her up by pressing my lips to hers yet we were both still smiling in the kiss. I trailed my mouth down her neck to her shoulder and it was only when she put her hand on my right one to stop its ascend that I realised it had been stroking up towards her breast again. I sheepishly smiled against her skin.

"Sorry. I'll behave," I assured her. "You're just too beautiful for your own good," I tried to justify, though I knew it wasn't a valid excuse. I lowered my hand to her hip and I kept it there obediently. "Does it bother you that I want to touch you so badly?" I asked, as a small part of me truly worried about what she might think of that.

She turned her head slightly and nuzzled her face with mine, like a kitten asking for a cuddle. "The only thing bothering me is that we aren't alone in a bed right now," she breathed, while running her hand in my hair.

Perhaps I was hearing only what I wanted to hear, but to me her voice had sounded full of promises. I hummed in appreciation and moved my nose down again, to slide it against the curve of her neck. My body was pleading for hers, begging for the feeling of her naked skin on mine, wanting to caress and lay a kiss on every inch of her. But I'd just promised her I'd be good, and it was time I started to stay true to my word.

'_Just kissing, no fondling._'

My left hand rose from the backrest behind her and brushed aside the silken strands of her hair away from her neck, exposing more of her flesh to my mouth. I let my fingertips skim her shoulder blade and the back of her neck while I peppered her skin with kisses. At first she let herself be cajoled willingly- more than willingly- but she suddenly tensed up and her body became rigid against mine. I froze, not daring to move. Had I done something wrong? I pulled away an inch, trying to steal a glance at her face.

Jade was utterly ignoring me, her attention entirely focused on the window next to me. Her smile had faded into a completely serious expression and she was looking down into the street, staring at nothing in particular but just at the street itself, barely blinking, as if the sight had hypnotized her. A flutter of apprehension went through my belly when I saw the trace of recognition in her green eyes and I guessed what was happening in her mind. She was finally paying attention to where the bus was taking us.

"Jade?" I said softly, trying to rouse her from her daze.

Her eyes flickered around the bus as if she was trying to drink everything in at once, but I could tell she wasn't really seeing anything. The colour drained from her face, the cherry blush gone and the flirty mood long forgotten. I swallowed nervously, straightened up, and my stomach rippled with queasiness as I waited for her reaction.

She eventually dragged her gaze back to my face and she stared stonily at me. "We're going to Jack's school," she breathed.

I didn't reply, but she saw the answer in my eyes. The imaginary glass bubble around us shattered into a million pieces. For this was the real bubble bursting. Not Dom in the staircase, not the two twats in the front row of the bus, but this. The return to Earth was happening now, and it was happening hard.

She let out a dry, humourless chuckle and looked away. The emotions on her face ricocheted from disbelief, to dread, to anger. Nervous giggles kept escaping her lips, getting louder, and I shrank away from her, like a man standing too close to a ticking bomb. She hid her face in her hands, muffling her laughter, and when she finally managed to control it she buried her fingers in her hair.

"Oh God, I should have known," she croacked out, her voice broken and out of breath.

Guilt spread through me like a cancer. I opened my mouth, groping for words that did not come. I desperately wanted to reassure her in some way but I had no idea how.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, accusation being the only recognizable trait in her otherwise weak voice.

I kept my eyes down, fixed on my hands in my lap. "I was afraid you'd freak out," I mumbled. And given her reaction, my fear had been quite legitimate.

We stayed silent for a minute, she was lost in her dark ruminations, slowly getting a hold of herself, and I was just trying not to interfere with the process.

After a moment she took a deep, shaky breath in and released it in a long sigh. She surprised me when she leaned against me, clearly seeking comfort. I wrapped an arm around her without hesitation and pulled her in. She rested her head on my shoulder, her resentment gone, and relief ran through me like a purifying beverage.

"The sooner you talk to him, the better," I cooed, stroking the hair away from her face.

"I know," she murmured. "I just have no idea what I'm going to say to him."

"What about telling him the truth?" I ventured.

She said nothing and I suddenly wondered if she knew what 'the truth' was. But, to be fair, did _I_ know what it was? She'd admitted she loved me, she'd never said she was chosing me over him. A bitter, acidic taste surged up from my throat when that realisation hit me.

But she couldn't be _in love_ with two different persons at the same time, could she?

Pondering these questions made me feel queasy and overwhelmed and I buried my face in her hair, trying to keep my emotions under control. Perhaps taking her to him was the worst idea in the long history of bad ideas since the beginning of mankind. But at the same time, I wouldn't be able to rest easy until their relationship was officialy done and over.

We were getting off the bus at the next station and I assumed that somewhere in the bus a stop-request-button had just been pressed, because STOP appeared in ominous red letters on the black screen at the front of the bus.

I sighed and held her tighter, savouring her closeness as if it wouldn't last. Just in case.

* * *

title: 'Get Lucky' - Daft Punk + 'Too Close' - Alex Clare

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	67. Freedom comes when you learn to let go

Hello my beautiful Musers!

Loooong chapter today (the longest so far). Perhaps it's a bit too long, I'm not sure. But I had a lot to put in there and I had no idea where to cut it in half... Don't get used to it though, the next chapters will be of normal size again ;) The following chapter might be really short actually, it'll enable me to wrap up the 3rd part of the story (don't worry, there's a 4th and last part!).

As always, thanks so much for your support :) And thanks to justarticulate for the review!

* * *

**ALL ENDS WITH BEGINNINGS (2/3) Freedom comes when you learn to let go**

*JADE'S P.O.V.*

The large expanse of the school's gardens spread before me, tidy and green, and groups of students were strewn across the grass, directly baking in the sun or shielded by the shadow of a tree. Behind me, the bus' door hissed as it closed and the engine rumbled and faded into the ambiant urban noise when the vehicle took off.

My gaze glided over the scenery dispassionately. The world seemed to have gone into slow motion. Or at least, my mind was seeing it in slow motion. From the people passing in the street and the birds flying in the sky, to my own breathing and heartbeat, everything was so slow-moving, lethargic, incomprehensible. I was wandering in a foreign landscape of meaningless signs and I felt incapable of fitting in anywhere.

But, thankfully, some friendly warmth gently touched the center of my palm and then wrapped itself around my hand. I looked down to our intertwined fingers and then lifted my gaze to Matt's familiar blue eyes. The heat of his hand's skin seeped into mine and his presence pulled me back to the surface, out of numbness and into the real world.

He was waiting for me to make the first move. He'd taken me as far as here, to the school's border, and now the ball was in my court and he would let me lead. I looked straight ahead and took a step forwards. Then another. I can't say I was gathering up my courage- I wasn't- but some unknown force was making my legs work and my feet go forwards. I _knew_ I had to do this. I knew I had no choice now. So I let myself be carried by the invisible stream of inevitability, but my mind was as blank as blind eyes.

My short heels clattered on the cubbic cobblestones underneath my feet and I lowered my eyes. Grass had settled into the grooves between the stones of the narrow walk we'd stepped into and the green web it formed fascinated me. I was looking down while walking, staring, captivated, at all the little details in the granite, at the way each blade of grass seemed to lick the stone when it was brought to life by a soft gust of wind.

My gaze shifted up when the path ahead of me widened. We'd reached an intersection. It was a small square centered on a beautiful fountain made of some creamy white stone. My God, this place was so big... I squinted around, eying the stately buildings of the school in the distance. I had no idea where I was going. I'd set foot on these grounds only twice before that and Jack had been there to lead the way. I knew the place was huge, but it was all I could remember.

I didn't know at what time Jack was finishing that day, I didn't even know if he was in class at that very moment. I felt so useless...

"Perhaps you should call him," Matt's soft voice said next to me.

My head slightly turned towards him. Matt, my beautiful angel, ready to stand by my side come hell or high water. I could feel powerful waves of support rolling off of him and I breathed them in eagerly.

I slowly nodded. Call Jack. But to say what? 'We need to talk?' The sentence itself was making me feel sick to my stomach. I swallowed mechanically, attempting to dislodge the habitual lump in my throat. I pulled Matt forwards as I walked closer to the square's center, closer to the fountain, and with my other trembling hand I started to grope in my bag for my phone.

But it wouldn't be necessary. What were the odds? To come at the exact same place, at the exact same time? Thin, probably. And yet...

When I saw Jack approaching, in a group of four- no, five- people, when I _realised_ it was him, it felt like a bucket of ice water had been spilled over my head. My hand, the one wrapped around Matt's, quivered and twitched and he tightened his hold. Perhaps he was just trying to give me some courage, but it felt more like an impulse of possessiveness, as if he were afraid I would let go of him.

We saw him before he saw us. Jack was chatting with a girl I'd never seen before and I almost thought he was going to walk straight past us without noticing us. But after one random glance in our direction, his eyes finally stopped short on the two of us standing there, watching him.

I struggled to retain my composure as I witnessed the display of emotions on his face when he saw me, then Matt, then our linked hands. The majority of these emotions flashed too fast for me to decipher them, but I recognised surprise and dismay easily. It was like reliving the whole experience with Matt in the staircase again. I wanted to fall off the face of Earth. I was so sick and tired of watching the people that I loved suffer because of my actions.

Jack looked as stiff as marble, his eyes fixed on our hands, his face ashen. The girl he'd been talking to tried to rouse him from his sudden torpor but he seemed oblivious to whatever she was saying. The other members of the group he'd been walking with were sneaking curious looks at Matt and myself and murmuring among themselves. I didn't recognise any of them.

'_How come Jack knows every single one of my friends, how come he _lives_ with them, and he's never introduced me to his classmates?_'

The thought darted into my mind but it was quickly washed away by all the more important things at hand. But still, it occured to me that if I didn't know them, they didn't know me. So they couldn't guess what was happening.

The girl beside Jack put a hand on his shoulder and shook him slightly. Finally he answered her, his eyes never looking away from us. And even though I hadn't caught what she'd said, I heard him, as if my ears were attuned to his voice.

"I'll join you in the atrium," he told her, his voice unlike anything I'd heard before. It sounded cold and empty, and it made every hair on my body rose in attention.

"Jack, what's going on?" the girl asked as she cast me a sideways glance.

I had no idea why, but when I heard his name come out of her mouth- this girl whom I'd never met before, this girl standing by his side with a look of deep worry on her face- a strange feeling shadowed my heart for only the briefest, fleeting moment. Could it be jealousy? I wasn't sure... But when he snapped "it's personal" to her, I was glad.

The girl kept her mouth shut after that and she eventually left- and so did the rest of them- but not before she'd shot me a dark look, full of reproach. I definitely didn't like her.

Once this distraction was out of the picture, my attention was entirely focused on Jack. And the animosity I'd felt for the girl just a second earlier disappeared, vanished, as if it had never existed in the first place. The void it left in my mind was instantly taken over by a mixture of horror, culpability and melancholy.

We observed each other in silence for what seemed like a long, long time. My eyes slid along Jack's form, noticing how his jaw clenched, how his hands sometimes rolled into tight fists and then unwound again. When we'd first started dating I had always been able to tell what he'd been thinking about. His grey eyes had used to be open books to me, dark but crystal clear, like the water of a mountain river in winter. But now they were opaque, cloudy, stormy. The only emotion I could detect in them was a cold but hardly contained wrath.

When he took a step towards us, I almost flinched. I crushed Matt's hand in mine, but if I hurt him he didn't complain. Matt was taut like the string of a bow and I wasn't sure he could even feel pain in his hand. I wasn't aware that we'd moved, yet I suddenly realised that he was standing one step ahead of me, as if he was about to interpose himself between Jack and me.

Jack slowed to a stop in front of us. I noted that birds had stopped singing, and the only noticeable sounds around us were coming from the fountain behind me. The thin streams of water hit the inner pool continuously, the fresh splashing noises so soothing, and the contrast between this relaxing sound and the anguish that was slowly devouring me was shocking.

It wasn't just what I was personally feeling, but also what I could see in them. Some nasty hatred was etched on both their faces, I knew it had been building inside them for so long and now it appeared it could barely be subdued. Tears almost welled in my eyes at the sight. I didn't want them to hate each other...

I wracked my brain for something to say, something that would reduce the tensions and soften the atmosphere. After all, the situation did have a laughable side. Didn't they look like two bucks fighting over a female?

...

No, actually it was impossible to find any part of this funny or light.

'_Please, don't fight..._'

I was internally pleading for them to calm down. We had to sort this out like adults! I came forwards, still not sure about what I was going to say, but before I could speak Jack overrode me.

"So, you finally got her," he said flatly, his face remaining resolutely straight.

His words had been directed at Matt. And the latter, instead of gaping dumbly at Jack like I was, unbent a bit and seemed to relax ever so slightly. He pulled on my hand, just enough to make me take a clumsy step closer to him.

"I finally got her," Matt confirmed cautiously, holding Jack's stare unblinkingly.

I was vaguely aware that I was goggling at them with my mouth hanging slightly open, feeling completely flummoxed. My brain suddenly forgot everything it had ever learned, except for three words. What. The. Fuck?

I'd been expecting a 'what the hell's going on?', a 'you bastard!', a punch in the face...but...not..._that_. And yet the most mystifying thing in the story was Matt's reaction: almost casual. Almost.

Was this normal behaviour between guys? Was there some secret male code there which I wasn't aware of? I thought I was supposed to be the conciliator between them, but it seemed they had taken matters into their own hands. And it was a bit vexing.

"I'd like to speak with her alone," Jack said, royally ignoring me as his eyes bored into Matt's. "Is it going to be problem with you?"

It was very clear he wasn't really asking Matt's permission. His voice had dripped with quiet menace and the sound of it made me visualize a wild predator baring its teeth in my head. I decided to intercede, it was time to remind them of my presence and free will for Christ's sake!

"It's not going to be a problem," I stated firmly, almost harshly, not letting Matt speak on my behalf.

But Matt's fingers had an iron grip on my hand and when my eyes flicked to his I saw doubt and distress stirring under the impassive surface. I softened a bit. I hadn't appreciated the way he taken me here- that is, virtually against my will- and the way Jack and him were behaving, as if I were a child who had to let the grown-ups talk. But I knew that despite my recent love declaration, Matt was still feeling insecure and vulnerable.

Like a tightrope walker, I had to advance with great care. If I chose the wrong set of words I might slip and fall, and all this would collapse to the ground. Matt needed to be reassured, but at the same if I were to display too much affection towards him it would hurt Jack...

I lightly touched Matt's arm with my free hand, traced my fingers down, and felt how tense he was. "It's okay," I said tenderly, trying to coax him into relaxing. But the looming panic was still writ large in his eyes, and when I reached his hand the tendons were like steel cables rolling under his skin. "It's okay," I repeated. "Trust me."

This was _his_ leap of faith, right there. His body kept on radiating tension but, slowly, his hand started to slacken and a resigned look came over his face. I gently disengaged my fingers from his and it was only then that I noticed mine were sore. Matt took a reluctant step back, giving me over for now, but he turned an arctic blue glare on Jack nonetheless. A clear warning.

Jack deliberately, provokingly ignored it, as if he had already forgotten Matt's presence. He walked past me, obviously expecting me to follow, and once I'd cast a last comforting glance at Matt, I did pace after him. It was strange how just a few minutes earlier my legs would have been wobbling like jelly, but Matt and Jack's exchange had given me strength, curiously. I wanted to do right by them both and I knew I had to be brave and determined for that.

I thought Jack would want to sit down on one of the benches surrounding the fountain, but instead he circled the said fountain until we were on the opposite side and sat directly on the rim of the pool. I seated myself next to him, and rested my palm against the rough stone, just because the cool material was pleasant to the touch. The streams of water were creating a mist-like drizzle and sitting so close to it was very refreshing. It was loud too. And I suddenly realised that this was the reason why Jack had wanted to sit there: no one would be able to eavesdrop on us.

I cast a quick eye around, trying to locate Matt, and saw that he hadn't stayed on the other side of the fountain. He had sat down on a bench, but not the one that was diametrically opposite us. That way he could still keep an eye on me but give Jack and me some privacy. Yet he was in my back and _I_ wouldn't be able to look at him easily. Our eyes only met for a second before Jack quickly became the center of my attention again.

"How long has it been going on?"

My head whipped around at the sound of his voice and my cheeks heated up. So much for not showing too much of my feelings for Matt... How long had it been going on? Of course he meant Matt and me, but how could I answer that? How long _what_ had been going on? The feelings? The kisses? The confessions?

"Well, it depends..." I trailed off, looking down at my hands.

"Did you fuck him yet?"

I gasped at the bluntness of his question and stared at him in shock. Had I really heard that right? ! According to the bitter look on his face and the way his lips were pressed into a thin, seething line...I had.

"_No_," I breathed, completely astonished.

I'd sounded so outraged, I knew he believed me. He looked away, and some of the steam seemed to go out of his anger. But he was still withdrawn and aloof. I wasn't used to seeing him act this way. Evasive Matt, yes. But evasive Jack? It sounded like an oxymoron. Jack was usually so cool-headed and considerate...

"Did you fall in love with him?"

This time I stayed quiet, and only the splashes made by water meeting water could be heard. I knew the answer, but I couldn't bring myself to throw it to his face like that.

He sighed. "Jade, why did you come here?"

'_He made me._'

"T-to..." I stuttered, searching for words, "explain."

"Well then explain."

My gaze lost itself into the ripples of the water and my stomach knoted anew. Yes, I'd fallen in love with Matt. What else was there to say?

"Something happened last Friday," I finally said.

"Yeah, I'd gathered."

I gulped, wishing he would have stopped interrupting me, it was already hard enough as it was to find words. "We kissed last Friday... And... Since then I've been thinking a lot but-"

"Thinking about what?" His voice was different. It sounded thick, as if he were hoarse.

I looked up and saw that he was avoiding my gaze. But I noticed the gleaming tear trailing down his cheek nevertheless. And this was my undoing. A powerful dread seized me by the throat and tears pricked the back of my eyes.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," I choked on the words. "I never meant... I never meant..." My hand rose to cover my mouth, trying to stifle my swelling emotions. I fought back the tears with all my might and my lower lip quivered. I couldn't cry now, I couldn't let my determination flag, not with Matt watching us. I would hurt him so much. I had to stay strong for him.

'_Stay strong for him, stay strong for him,..._'

The words were a litany in my head. Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong...

"I cheated on you."

The sentence had been an agonized, breathless whisper, and I didn't even acknowledged it at first. It sounded just like an echo of my own thoughts... But it hadn't been.

I lowered my hand a bit and so freed my mouth. "What?" I whispered, looking into his grey eyes in incomprehension.

He swallowed hard, and when he breathed in I heard the air hiss through his windpipe. "I slept with another woman."

I froze. Like..._really_ froze. My hand was hanging in the air just under my chin and I stared at him, unblinking, monumentally shocked.

'_You..._ What?'

What was he saying?

The notion... Just the notion of _Jack_ cheating on _me_ was so... So utterly ridiculous.

He'd fucking _slept_ with another woman?

"When?" I muttured, stunned.

"Yesterday," he murmured back, his tortured voice barely audible over the fountain's sound.

"_Yesterday? !_"

I leapt to my feet and looked down at him slack-jawed. Fucking _hell_! I'd expected him to say it had been months ago, at the beginning of our relationship, or during our long-distance period perhaps, when I'd been in Camburg. But not-

"Yesterday? !" I squealed again.

"Jade..." Jack stood up as well, guilt plastered all over his face.

But I didn't listen to him. My mouth hanging open in shock, I held my head in my hands and incredulous gasps escaped my throat repeatedly. I recalled his second question. _Did you fuck him yet?_

Raw, demeaning betrayal tore through me. Unbidden images of Jack rolling around in a bed with some unknown slut invaded my mind and I winced. How had he _dared?_ I remembered the moment when he'd finally come home during the night. He'd been reeking of alcohol. Had he only taken a shower? Or had he brought her _effluvia_ in our bed? And to think that I'd been worried _sick_...

"How could you?" I asked, my voice low and furious.

"Let me return you the question," he had the nerve to say. My head snapped up and I glowered at him. "After all, you cheated on me too," he justified, his tone accusing and his eyes hard as flint.

So that was his fucking excuse? !

"It's not the same thing!" I yelled, almost hysterical.

Jack slightly jumped and glanced around us. "Keep your voice down!" he hissed.

"There's a _small_ difference." I spat out the words, feeling my face twist in all-consuming anger. "There's a small, but relevant, difference between _kissing_ someone and ending up with your _dick_ between another girl's legs!"

I'd never been so mad. I could feel fury running like a thick poison through my veins. This was a day of 'firsts'. First time I'd ever cried so hard, first time I'd ever loved so hard, first time I'd ever hated so hard... Not that I hated Jack. I just hated life itself, blinded as I was by furor.

I panted and my eyes filled with tears of rage. Jack grabbed my shoulders but only for a second, because I was suddenly pulled away from him. I blinked and was able to see clearly again as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Matt was standing next to me, his hands having replaced Jack's ones on my shoulders. I sobbed and I buried my face in his neck, my hands rolling into fists against his chest. His warm woody fragrance filled my nostrils and I instantly felt calmer.

"I told you to leave us alone!" Jack practically shouted.

Matt's chest rumbled against me. "Screw you!" he replied. "What the hell did you say to her? !"

"It's none of your bloody business! And get your hands off her!"

I could feel the situation getting out of hand. I knew everyone within hearing range was staring at us.

"Matt," I moaned into his neck. I drew away from him and looked up into his eyes. "I'll handle it," I said. I sniffed and dashed the tears from my eyes.

"No way," he protested, tightening his grip. "I'm not leaving you alone with him again."

"Please, Matt. This is something I must do," I said, trying to steady my nerves. "On my own."

He pursed his lips and his eyes flicked between Jack and me. I wasn't sure I would be able to convince him this time, he seemed determined not to leave my side.

"Please, Matthew," I whispered, my voice having finally lost its angered edge. He looked into my eyes again and I gently placed my hand flat against his chest. "He's right on that point... This particular topic doesn't concern you."

I saw a slight pain flare in his eyes for an instant. But he understood. He slowly nodded and stepped back. He walked backwards until he reached the closest bench and he sat down on it, crossing his arms over his chest as he did. He was much closer to Jack and me now than before.

I sighed, turned around, and trudged towards the fountain again. I plopped down on the hard stone of the rim and Jack soon joined me. We stayed mute for a while, sitting in silence with the fountain at our back.

We had some freaking turnaround here. I'd come here thinking _I_ was the culprit...

Anger had left my system. I was slowly digesting the news, and it left me feeling drained and mournful. What had happened to us? The question rested heavy in my heart.

"I've never seen you cry before," Jack woefully said, off to my right, after a couple of minutes.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "It's a new habbit of mine."

"I'm so sorry..."

I didn't answer and the sound of the fountain filled the gap in our conversation once more. I could feel Matt's burning stare on me and there was nothing I wanted more than to go to him and curl up on his lap.

"Don't you want to know who she is?"

I snorted. "Do I know her?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Then why should I care."

A sparrow landed on the water's surface not far from me. The sound it made caught my attention and I turned just a little bit to look at it. It splashed about until its feathers were tousled and it seemed to have doubled in volume. My gaze slid beyond the little bird and I noticed that a few coins lay gleaming at the bottom of the pool.

"You do care though," Jack said. "You would never have reacted the way you did if you didn't care," he pointed out.

I swallowed and kept my eyes fixed on the coins. "Of course I care," I breathed. Surely it wasn't fair. After what had happened between Matt and me, I could hardly pretend to have a claim on Jack. But I couldn't help it. Until this moment Jack had been _mine_, and he'd cheated on me. I'd betrayed him with my heart and mind, he'd betrayed me with his body. Which was the worst was debatable.

"Do you still love me?" he asked, his voice breaking on the last two words.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose in order to keep tears at bay. Just a week earlier we'd still been a happy couple, making love tenderly, supporting each other, completing each other. I knew how his hands on me felt, how his lips tasted like. I knew every dream he had, every regret. The wooden beaded bracelet on his right wrist? I was the one who'd offered it to him. The shirt he was wearing? He'd worn it during our first trip to Paris... He was a living reminder of all that we'd shared. I couldn't just snap my fingers and expect it to be erased from my mind.

"Yes," I whispered past the knot in my throat.

When I opened my eyes I saw that, for the first time that day, his were a molten grey and I realised I could read into them again. I knew what he was going to say before he said it. "I love you too."

He reached over and took my hand in his. His touch felt strange to me, distant, as if it were already fading into a memory. "That's why I did it. I know I have no excuse. But I could feel something had happened between you and Matt," I picked up on the disdain in his voice when he pronounced Matt's name. "And you wouldn't talk to me," he lamented. "I was so angry at you, but so desperate at the same time..." The pain in his voice made me wince. "I could feel you slipping through my fingers but I had no idea how to keep you... This girl... Her name is Caroline..."

"Is she the one from earlier?" I asked him, trying to remember how she looked like.

He frowned in confusion. "The one from earlier?" Then his face lit up, understanding what I meant. "Oh, no. She's not... She's not the one."

Well, that was a meager comfort. Caroline... It was weird to be able to put a name on it.

Jack closed both his hands around mine. "She's a nice person, you know. She's been my confident for some time now." A twinge of jealousy tug at my heart when I heard that, but I knew I could only blame myself. "And yesterday-" His voice came out strangled and he had to swallow before he was able to continue. "Yesterday we all went out for a drink. And... And I ended up at her place..."

Oh God, I wasn't sure I wanted to hear this...

"We talked for hours," he went on. "We drank too much... One thing led to the other..."

"Why did you tell me?" I cut him off briskly. "I would never have found out if you hadn't told me."

He looked up at me, and I suddenly noticed the dark circles under his eyes. The last few days had been trying for all of us. "I _had_ to," he said. "It's been eating me up all day. I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. I had to tell you. But Jade, I regret it. With every ounce of my being I regret it." I shifted uneasily. I could sense where he was going with this. "I have no feelings whatsoever for her- I mean, I like her, but that's all. She's a wonderful person and she's been very kind to me. She regrets what has happened too... I know she has feelings for me, but I don't. I love you, I don't love her."

He took a deep breath in and gently squeezed my hand in his. "Jade," he gulped, "if you could find within yourself the courage to forgive me..." His plea was raw, heartbreakingly sincere, and for a second I almost tought he was about to kneel and grovel for forgiveness.

"Jack..." I trailed off weakly, trying to stop him.

"You and I we could try again," he quickly suggested. "Perhaps we can find our own place, start fresh..."

I was slowly shaking my head, feeling my heart constrict with sorrow. "We can't," I sadly whispered. "It's not you, it's me." I grimaced a bit, because this sentence was just so freaking cliché. "It's not what you did. It's just me. I've changed."

"Of course you've changed," he argued, "I've changed too, it's normal. But it doesn't mean we can't be together, that's what it means to be a couple, for better or for worse..."

"I love him," I suddenly admitted, finally answering his previous question.

He inhaled sharply but what he'd intended to say seemed to freeze in his throat. "You love me too," he whispered after a couple of seconds. "You've said so yourself."

"It's not the same thing..." my voice cracked and I pulled my hand away from his, because he'd been holding it too tightly.

I rested my hands on my lap, palms down against the soft yellow fabric of my dress, and I absently noticed that the fountain's drizzle had started to leave a thin coat of moisture all over me.

He sighed and shifted next to me, turning around so that he was facing me properly, with his left ankle tucked underneath his right knee. "You say that because your...relationship with him has just begun." The word 'relationship' had been hard to say, I could tell. "You're in the bliss of the infatuation stage that's all. Right now you think you two are perfect for each other because this first stage is always a time of giddy ecstasy..."

"You're wrong," I disputed. "I know he's not perfect. I know he has flaws and a few less-than-desirable traits."

'_His tendency to always think he's right, his cockiness, his stubbornness, the way he's overly straightforward and blunt sometimes, or when he acts in a childish way and follows his whims instead of behaving rationally,... And, God, he can be so_ moody!'

"And I also know his qualities..."

'_He's intelligent, cute, talented, determined, generous, loving, funny, unique..._'

"It's not as if I'd just met him," I went on. "I've known him for a while now."

'_And even though I'm aware there're still sides of him which I don't know, I'm eager to discover them. I want to evolve around him and to see him evolve around me..._'

I'd lost myself in my thoughts and when another bird- I wasn't sure what species it was, but it was white and brown, and bigger than a sparrow- loudly landed in the water, I suddenly blinked, tearing myself out of the little reverie I'd started to wander through.

Jack was gazing at me, and his eyes were luminous with despair. I felt my chest grow tight. I knew he was still trying to persuade me into staying.

"Honey," he said gently, using the tender term on purpose, "you've always been a bit reckless. And I like this side of you. But be careful." His voice was calm, not betraying his emotions like his eyes were. "I don't doubt that Matt's in love with you, I know he is. Yet the question is: for how long?"

My eyebrows furrowed. What was he getting at this time?

"Jade..." Something crept into his voice then, something unexpected. It sounded like bewilderment. Bewilderment at my ignorance to be precise. And he was staring at me in concern. "Sweetheart, they're going on tour in three weeks."

When what he was saying sank in, my body chilled and my heart plunged to the ground.

"You'd forgotten about that, huh?" He wasn't provoking me, his voice was just as soft as ever. "You can't possibly expect to start a healthy relationship with him knowing that you'll soon be separated like that. He'll be halfway around the world and for several months."

Fear lanced through my body and I gulped. "Chris and Kathy..." I floundered for words.

"Chris and Kathy are getting _married_," he cut me off. "She's pregnant with his baby! Their relationship has been tested many times, it's strong. But Matt? You know how he behaves when they're on the road... Dom and him have told enough stories, and we've had a few glimpses through Tom's videos. You know what kind of ambiance is in the air during music festivals and such."

My breathing sped up and I stared at my hands in my lap. Yes, I knew what kind of ambiance there was. Yes, I had forgotten about it. Yes, thinking about Matt leaving on tour made me want to cry my eyes out.

I lifted my gaze towards Matt. He hadn't moved an inch. He was still sitting with crossed arms on the bench, and his eyes immediately locked on mine. How hard it must have been for him, to sit there and watch Jack and me without being able to hear us... I tried to tell him through my eyes that I was sorry for that, and that I loved him. And, surpringly, he seemed to understand. He uncrossed his arms and his eyes softened, and I could almost feel the warmth of his feelings, emanating off him like a force field. And all of a sudden it didn't matter what I knew about his past. I just didn't care.

"You don't understand," I whispered, keeping my eyes fixed on Matt's.

"I understand that for some _unfathomable_ reason, you think he's going to be faithful to you!" Jack exclaimed.

"I don't think that you should be giving lessons about faithfulness," I snapped in return.

It was as if I'd whipped him. I saw him recoil out of the corner of my eye and when I glanced at him his head was bowed in shame. And while watched him, I felt this painful regret, gnawing at me like acid. I raised my hand to brush the hair away from his face. He gave me a startled look but didn't shrug off my touch. He'd let his hair grow lately and I liked how it had started to curl around his face. He'd always been very handsome, Classical Beauty incarnate, the features of his face fine and regular, like some immutable italian statue.

But when I looked at him it was with rational eyes. I was finding him handsome _because_ he fitted every textbook definition there was for beauty. Yet when I gazed into his eyes, the world around us didn't disappear. My heart didn't stop beating, my breathing didn't change. I didn't get this tidal wave of emotions, this compelling need to be into his arms and never leave his embrace.

I'd always been in control with him. My relationship with Jack was defined by mutual respect and tenderness. It was peaceful and smooth, serene. When I'd moved to go live in Camburg, I'd missed him of course, but my world hadn't stop spinning and neither had his.

And then I realised it. Jack would never love me like Matt did. Surely I already knew that, but it had never appeared as clear to me as in this instant.

Matt had said he couldn't breathe when he wasn't with me, and as selfish as it could sound, it was exactly how I wanted him to feel.  
Oh, it wouldn't always be a bed of roses, I knew that. Matt and I both had strong personalities and there would be times when we would fight like cats and dogs. But even though there would be tumultuous days, I still wanted him.

When you're in the ocean and you feel the undertow or a riptide, you know you're supposed to stay away from that. But sometimes you just can't quite help it, and you let yourself get caught. It was the same with Matt. Perhaps, eventually, my love for him would end up being a consuming curse. But I was willing to give it a try. And even if it ended up badly, the ride would still be worth it.

"You've already made up your mind, haven't you?"

Jack's whisper tore me from my inner monologue. I pulled my hand away from his face and, looking straight into his eyes, I slowly nodded. His eyes grew distant, and I felt him locking himself away from me. He shivered as if he were in the grip of a fever and closed his eyes.

"Did I ever stand a chance?"

His question had been almost imperceptible and I wasn't sure whether it was directed at me or at himself.

"It's nothing you did," I told him, resolute but gentle. "I don't think anyone is to blame, it was just bad luck, bad timing. I just couldn't keep you both. And you and I, we had our time together."

"How am I supposed to go on without you?" he wavered, doubt and pain flitting across his face.

I put my hand on his. "You'll be fine," I said, not having much difficulty sounding reassuring because I truly believed it. "I know you have a long list of admirers. You're a very lovable person..."

"And yet here you are, leaving me," he breathed.

My brows drew together in sadness and I gave him an apologic look.

He swallowed and stared into the fountain's water. "Will you two be at the apartment tonight?"

I hadn't thought about it yet. Which apartment? Actually, I wanted to go to neither. I didn't want to face the others yet. I just wanted to enjoy Matt's company without having to answer questions or to be looked at curiously.

"No, I don't think so," I answered.

He nodded. "Good, it'll give me time to move my stuff."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Move your stuff?"

"Yes."

"Jack, you don't have to-"

"Yes, I do," he cut me off.

I squeezed his hand in mine. He was being unreasonable. I'd never meant to kick him out of the flat! "But where will you go?"

He shrugged and his hand stayed limp and unresponsive in my own. "To Jerry's, I guess," he muttered. Jerry was his thirty-year-old cousin who lived downtown.

With my hand clasped around his fingers anxiously, I found nothing to answer. The silence stretched between us and tears were threatening to creep up on me again.

He eventually broke the silence. "I have to go," he said, his voice low and hollow. "I've got a lecture coming up..."

I sucked a shaky breath in. "Jack, I-"

"Don't," he stopped me. "I can't...anymore."

He leaned fowards and gave me a last quick kiss on my cheek. I blinked in surprise and before I could say anything his hand slipped away from mine and he sprang to his feet. The image of him leaving was quickly blurred by tears. Through them, I watched his indistinct receding figure grow smaller and then finally fade away.

People could probably think that I'd had the less undesirable place in this love triangle. Because, either way, I would not have ended up alone. But it had been no pleasure cruise either. Because I'd had to take the decisions, I'd had to hurt one of them.

Well, job done. I'd said the hurtful words. I'd let one of them go. I knew I would mourn this relationship in some way...

But I would also cherish the new one. I sniffed and wiped the tears from my eyes. Yes, I'd hurt one. But it meant that I could now make the other happy. And that was exactly what I planned on doing.

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A/N: I really hope I did okay with this chapter... I feel like this is almost the most crucial in the whole story since its the end of the climax. Now will come the falling action and closure which I'll promise we'll be full of very interesting things ^^ Thanks for reading!

title: 'Get Lucky' - Daft Punk + 'The Power of Goodbye' - Madonna

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	68. Never Let Me Go, 3rd PART FINALE

Hi everyone!

I know it's been an eternity since I last posted. Sorry for that. But you know how it is, I just keep postponing it and postponing it... And with the beginning of the new year in university I kinda have a lot on my plate.

But anyways... Even though there's no real edge in the story anymore it still needs to be wrapped properly! So here's a small chapter, just to conclude the third part. We're very near the end now, since I won't post a 4th part like I'd said but instead I'll just write an epilogue (I'm not sure yet if it's going to be just one long chapter or two shorter ones).

Thanks for reading :)

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**ALL ENDS WITH BEGINNINGS (3/3) Never let me go**

After a storm comes a calm. No one was shouting now. No one was crying. There was just me, still sitting on the fountain's rim, with my eyes closed and the muscles in my limbs and neck finally letting go of the tension for good. While the warmth of the sun's rays brushed my skin and dried the tears off my face, I could feel the wet, coarse stone of the fountain under my fingers' pads. I could hear the peaceful murmur of life all around me. Water flowing close by, birds chirping, girls giggling not far away, cars and pedestrians in the distance...

A shadow blocked out the sun behind my closed eyelids for just an instant, and then someone sat next to me and an arm circled my waist. I kept my eyes shut but willingly leaned against Matt and his fresh, piney scent assured me it was him. He pulled me onto his lap, just like he had in the bus. I bore no resistance, but my throat unexpectedly tightened again.

"I'm sorry," I said in a strangled murmur as I locked my arms around his neck.

"For what?" he softly asked, his voice laced with puzzlement.

I shrugged. There were so many things I felt sorry for, but mostly... "For crying when he left." My voice slightly cracked and my eyes brimmed with tears again.

'_Oh for heaven's sake, will you quit crying? Seriously, how can there still be any water left in your body for tears? Shouldn't you be as dry as a bone by now?_'

He sighed into my neck and held me tight against him. "Don't be ridiculous, I'd have been worried if you hadn't felt anything."

"Still..." I muttered, my voice muffled in his hair.

Now that Jack was gone, now that I was in Matt's loving embrace, I felt the reality of it all. Just a few days before, Matt had only been a secret unavowed desire in my heart. He'd been unreachable, simply off limits. And now he was mine, all mine, and I was his. The absoluteness of this now established certitude caused goose bumps to rise all over my skin, adrenaline kicked in, and every nerve ending in my body suddenly quivered with a mix of anguish and exaltation.

There are some things which are destined to occur and nobody in the world can do anything to stop it. And even though you can't really tell what's good until later, until you can look back and think about things and let them to have the time to grow in your mind, sometimes you make a choice, and in that moment you know in your heart it's going to change everything.

It was clear now that I'd just made one of these life-changing decision.

"Thank you," Matt whispered, tightening his arms around me even more. "Thank you for believing in us."

The intensity of the gratitude in his voice left me at a loss for words. Before I could recover my tongue, he started peppering my neck and shoulder with light caresses from his lips, making me feel strangely- but pleasantly- dizzy, until he burrowed his face into the crook of my neck and just held me, rocking me back and forth while I clutched him like a lifeline. He held onto me for a long time, his breath stirring the hair at my neck, his arms sometimes tense, sometimes relaxed around me, following the rhythm of his thoughts I suppose.

My hand reached up and I combed my fingers through his hair gently, then descended to his nape and to his shoulders. I kissed his temple, his brow, his cheek, eliciting soft sighs from him, and I felt some of his own tension ease under my lips and hands. Just cuddling with him, craddling him, touching him, holding him tight enough against me to feel his pulse beat in time with mine, all of this was the most simple and yet most gratifying form of affection I'd ever experienced.

Once again my universe was centred on him, even the fountain's steady refrain didn't seem to reach my ears anymore. But, and as always, something eventually nudged me back to the outside world. It was something that touched my leg for a fraction of a second, something that felt small, wet, and fresh. I opened my eyes, drew away from Matt slightly, and peeked down, perplexed. Two dark round eyes were staring up at me unblinkingly, and their curious black gaze met mine eagerly.

Some adorably tiny puppy- that had seemingly come out of nowhere- was sitting at Matt's feet.

This little ball of fur was regarding me with such interest, I felt like I just _had_ to say something. "Hum... Hi?" I ventured hesitantly.

The puppy sprang to its feet at the sound of my voice and wagged its tail vigorously. It tilted its head to the side and appeared to be waiting for something. In short, it was unbearably cute. And I melted like snow under the sun.

"Nawwww," I very girlishly crooned, "he's so cute!"

Matt chuckled. "Gee, it's like you're a Disney princess!"

I frowned, but couldn't help chortling at the same time. "What? Why?"

"Every animal likes you," he said by way of explanation. And glancing down at the puppy he added, "he definitely does."

"Actually, he's a she," some unknown voice cut in with a thick french accent.

I twisted a bit in Matt's arms and looked up. The guy who'd just spoken was no older than Matt and me, he was probably a student, and the puppy was obviously his: he had both his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans but you could see a thin red leash poking out of the right pocket.

"He- she's such a sweetheart," I said, correcting myself quickly. I reached out my hand towards the little dog but instead of coming closer to snif it she bounced around and panted, clearly in a playful mood.

"Jack russel?" Matt asked the guy as I tried to beckon the little dog towards me. Her only response was a soft yelp which sounded interrogative to me.

"Yes, they are the best," the froggy proudly answered. Meanwhile, some reckless bird flew close to the puppy's head and so instantly caught her attention. Matt and I were completely forgotten- in fact I wondered why she had shown interest in us in the first place- and the furry little thing started to gallop away to the great displeasure of her owner.

"Hé ! Brie! Come back!" the latter called, following his dog without another glance at us.

Matt scoffed sardonically. "Brie? Seriously?"

I was smiling from ear to ear, not because of the puppy's name which I hadn't even registered, but because I was suddenly gripped with the most severe form of cuteness syndrom. "Aww," I said, utterly softened again, watching 'Brie' skip after the bird in the grass. Speaking of the greenery, I doubted that dogs were allowed on the school's ground, much less on the grass. Ah, the French, always thinking they're above the rules. But anyways.

"I want the same," I absently declared, still gazing fondly after the puppy.

After a moment I felt Matt's eyes on me and I turned to look at him. I could tell he'd been in fact studying me for some time, and a ghost of a smile was playing on his lips. "You can have one if you want," he said.

My brows rose a fraction. Why did I think I'd heard a hint of seduction in his apparently innocent comment? "What? A puppy?" I asked, doubtful.

He nodded.

I stared at him for a couple of seconds and tried to decide how serious he was, but he kept on smiling mysteriously, giving nothing away. I eventually snorted. "Yeah, right," I quipped, eying him suspiciously.

He looked...relieved to say the least. More than that, he looked _liberated_. Verging on giddy. Now that I'd 'dealt' with Jack, there wasn't a single black cloud in the distance for the time being. And I realised how much confidence it had given the twinkling-blue-eyed singer whose arms' I was currently in.

This was how he'd piqued my interest in the first place. It was this mixture in him of tender, dreamy childishness and a kind of eerie vulgarity. Or perhaps not really vulgarity but impudence. He could switch from cheeky and intrusive to shy and evasive in a second. He was all contradictions, but that was what made him so captivating.

So, he was back to being the sassy, smooth-talking boy with smart-ass remarks on his tongue. That boy who I hadn't seen in weeks. It was a good thing, ultimately, I was glad to have him back. But it meant I would have to undergo a lot of teasing as payment for having kept him waiting around for so long.

Matt threw me off my train of thought when he placed a soft kiss on my left cheek. It had been unexpected, and I cast him a bewildered look. "What was that for?" I enquired.

His eyes flickered with amusement and a small smirk graced the corner of his lips. "Does it need a reason?"

I was unable to contain my smile. Perhaps he was just trying to distract me, but it didn't really matter. And when he gently brushed his lips against mine, I didn't pull away in order to find out why he was kissing me, I just let myself sunk into it.

After a few minutes of complete and utter bliss, I was in a state where it felt like a whole family of butterflies was living in my stomach. I'd reached the point where I was certain I could have cooked an egg on my bare skin. Man, he had a way of getting my temperature rising. I rested both my hands on his shoulders and drew back an inch, needing some air. I felt a faint smile tug at my mouth and my eyelids slid open. He was looking at me with such ineffable love and tenderness that pure adoration almost radiated from his flesh. It snatched the breath of air I'd just laboriously taken right out of my lips again.

'_Oh boy, don't look at me like that..._'

I coyly shifted my gaze away from him, and by doing so I met the eyes of a stranger. She was just a random girl, sitting on the grass with some friends of hers, our eye contact lasted no longer than a fraction of second and was surely just the result of a coincidence. But it reminded me of where we were right now and of all that had happened before. A different kind of heat crept up my cheeks as I suddenly felt bashful and slightly guilty.

Anyone with half a brain who had paid just a tiny bit of attention to what had occurred earlier with Jack would have found my behaviour reprehensible. After all, I'd just had a noisy and very public break-up, punctuated by tears and cries, and now I was sitting on another guy's lap- the one I'd jilted the other for- going into raptures about the first cute dog that walked by as if it was just another day in paradise. Not to mention the fact that I'd just shamelessly and lengthily kissed my new valentine in plain sight.

Well, fuck them all. If I wanted to go frolicking in fields of wildflowers hand in hand with Matt and go feed daffodils to unicorns, it wasn't anyone's problem except ours. I was tired of caring about what people thought.

'_Yes, I love him. Now deal with it, World._'

I wrapped my arms around Matt's neck and buried my face into his hair, trying to block out this feeling that we were being watched. "We should go far away," I mumbled.

"I agree," he immediately replied, as if the same idea had just leapt into his mind. "Why don't we? We can head back to the apartments, grab a few things, and get the hell out of here."

With my arms still circling his neck, I pulled away just enough to be able to look into his eyes. "Are you serious?"

"Why not? What's holding us?"

As much as I yearned to agree with him, I couldn't quite smother my doubts. "Huh, what about Dom? And Chris? Your work at the studio?" I raised one eyebrow at him while I listed all the reasons why we needed to be realistic. But in truth I just wanted him to demolish my arguments one by one. I wanted to be persuaded. "My brother?" I continued, "Charlenne?" Damn, Charlenne was going to kill me if Dom learnt all of this before her... "Our lives here?"

Matt tenderly stroked behind my ear and down the back of my neck. "Come on, just a few days," he negociated, his voice soft and tempting. "The sky won't collapse, thus wiping out all humanity... And I think we need it. I don't want to go home tonight."

"Neither do I..." I muttered. And hadn't I told Jack we wouldn't be anywhere near the apartments this evening? "But where can we go?"

He shrugged. "Anywhere."

I was giving the question far more consideration than it warranted. I wanted to go, so did he, it was as simple as that and I was done frying my brain over the matter.

"Okay," I blurted.

My impulsive giving in led to a surprised look from him. "Okay?" he repeated, with a full smile now plastered on his face.

His obvious delight prompted a grin on my lips as well and I nodded enthusiastically. Who cared where we would go? As long as we were leaving together...

Suddenly he was a veritable fountain of affection again, not withholding anything, whether it were gentle caresses or loving kisses. At this point, it was safe to say that we were being barely decent. But it seemed he couldn't give a flying fuck and neither did I.

When his lips left my own for an instant, I seized the opportunity to share something that had been trotting in my mind for a couple of minutes.

"Matt..."

"Mmmmh?" he murmured while nuzzling a path up my cheek.

"Now that you have me... Please never let me go."

He let out a little huff that almost sounded like a laugh. "No chance."

**END OF THE THIRD PART**

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A/N: the main goal of this chapter was to make the transition between the break-up (which was a bit tense) and a lighter, happier atmosphere. I hope you liked it and I'll keep you posted on my progress with the last chapter. xoxo

title: 'Get Lucky' - Daft Punk + 'Never Let Me Go' - Florence + The Machine

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	69. I burn a fire of love, over and over

It's interesting how the first chapter in this story really worth being** rated M** is the 69th...hehe.

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**EPILOGUE: YOU CAN'T DENY YOU WANT A HAPPY ENDING (1) I burn a fire of love, over and over  
**

_Ten days later._

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

I was slowly crossing the threshold to consciousness as defined thoughts and sensations started to pervade my drowsy brain, preventing me from falling asleep again. Not yet aware of what had roused me from my dreamless and restful sleep, I stirred, leisurely, and took in a deep breath of fresh air. The rush of oxygen helped to whisk away the sleepy fog I was gradually drifting out of a bit more, but I still felt slightly groggy. With a mental sigh I tried focus my mind and then cautiously opened my eyes.

Light.

My eyelids flicked closed again and I turned my head away. That was what had woken me, the light. I sighed for real this time and swallowed, suddenly becoming conscious of the fact that my mouth felt a bit pasty. I smacked my lips. It wasn't the real sour and nasty dryness which could grip my tongue and throat after a night of heavy drinking, but still, it was unusual enough to be noticed.

Then, my not-quite-awake self became aware of another unusual thing: how hard the bed I was lying on felt. I mean, I'd always liked rather firm mattresses, but not so firm that it wasn't comfortable.

And yet, in spite of the hard bed and the slight thirst, I realised just how _good_ I felt. How good, thoroughly satisfied, and at peace. I distantly recalled that in fact I'd been feeling like this for some time now, but apparently my subconscious wasn't completely used to it yet.

I squinted my eyes open again and curiously glanced at the room around me. The furniture was familiar, but it wasn't mine. Sunlight streaked through wooden venetian blinds to my right, letting a pale golden light flood the room, and particles of dust danced in the beams of light. One of the windows behind the blinds was partly open and, drifting inside through that gap, one of the most relaxing sound on Earth could be heard.

Waves lapping gently on a shore.

This was the trigger which woke me up for good, and the memory of the last few days sprang back to me. The flash-halt at the apartments, the long ride in the Thunderbird, Camburg, Chris' house, Jade.

Jade.

I turned my head to the left, and there she was, hauntingly beautiful and still sleeping like a log, lying on the floor...

Yes, lying on the floor, as was I. So _that_ explained why the bed felt so hard. It wasn't a bed, it was merely a rug. How had we ended up here? We were in Chris' room instead of the guests room... Perhaps that was the reason, perhaps we had found ourselves in this room but hadn't wanted to sleep in Chris and Kathy's sheets...

I felt my lips begin to stretch out into a broad, devilish Cheshire Cat's grin. It seemed that everyday we awoke in a different place. The guests room, the living room, the music room... We were free to do whatever we wanted after all, since we had the house for ourselves, thanks to Chris' good heart. And also the fact that I'd 'borrowed' the house's key _before_ asking him if he was okay with it. But of course I knew he would be.

A couple of feet beyond Jade, the polished stainless steel of the ice bucket gleamed in the sunlight. The empty champagne bottle was still in it, but the ice had most likely long turned into water. Mmmmh, the champagne... A Bollinger, and a very, very good year. I understood better why my mouth felt a bit dry. As delicious as it could be, champagne still contained alcohol.

I'd stolen it from Chris' wine cellar. I didn't know for sure how much it cost, but it was sure to be a lot. Well, I'd just have to buy Chris a new bottle during our stay in France. That was one of the tour's first stop, so he wouldn't have to wait too long.

But even though the champagne had been delectable, it wasn't the best memory from the previous night. In fact, it was the ice itself. God, I'd never used ice cubes as a foreplay before, but now I knew what all the fuss was about. Gliding an ice cube over the heated and sensitive areas of Jade's body... Best. Experience. Ever. So far at least.

Right now she was lying on her stomach, and was using my stretched-out arm as a pillow, with her cheek resting just in the crook of my elbow. I tried to wriggle my fingers but instantly regretted it. I winced as the movement brought a half-tingling, half-burning and in the end very unpleasant sensation to life in my hand and forearm. I probably should have shifted my arm- it was miracle I still had some blood left in my fingers- yet I wouldn't move a muscle if it meant I'd have to wake her up for that.

I was relishing these precious moments, when I would wake up before her and use these opportunities to contemplate her in her state of utmost vulnerability. There were times during these moments when I looked at her and I still couldn't believe she was real.

She seemed utterly content and serene in her dreams as she slept, half-wrapped in our shared sheet which was pooled at the small of her back. I personally was wearing a boxer, but I knew she was butt naked under there. The morning light- unless it was afternoon light, it wouldn't be surprising- was pouring out of the windows on her back, making her hair shine like molten gold. It was shimmering in waves, the ends curling against her skin, blond locks covering half of her face. There surely were a bunch of knots in there, but I liked this kind of sexy, disheveled, just-rolled-out-of-bed hairstyle.

Her lips were slightly parted, her cheeks flushed, and I wondered what she could be dreaming about. I wanted to smooth her glossy hair away from her face so I could have a better view of it, but I refrained from doing so, for the same reason than before.

Allowing myself to drink in the sight, I let my gaze roam freely over her sleeping form while flashbacks of the previous night popped in my head.

It was amazing the way love and craving combined in the dark secrecy of the night could transform this sweet, blond angel into the most sensual and wanton creature. I'd discovered she coud become carnality personified, and some images and sensations would be carved in my mind for ever.

The feel of her lips on my burning flesh, her gasps and moans of unadulterated pleasure, the tremendous satisfaction of her body welcoming mine, her back arching, her hips gyrating, her ecstasy-racked body twisting on the sheets, the loving bites of her nails down my spine, and my own pleasure coursing through my trembling body, radiating from where we were joined out towards my toes and fingers, tightening all in its wake...

Eyes screwed shut, I swallowed thickly before blowing a shaky breath out of my mouth.

When my eyes fluttered open again, she was still blissfully dead to the world, completely oblivious of the fact that I was almost quivering with lust, driven with desire and thinking of nothing else but having her, feeling her, touching her.

"Please, Jade," I whispered, "wake-up."

It was ironic how just a couple of minutes before I'd wanted her to stay asleep in my arms indefinitely, and now I was innerly begging for the opposite. Before I could think twice about it, the fingers of my right hand were slowly tracing down her shoulder blade. I was barely touching her, the pads of my fingers were only brushing her skin and hair in the lightest of caress. I watched her partly-hidden face, looking for any change in her expression, while my hand drifted down the silky skin of her back.

Her breathing changed, she began to stir, and she shifted her head ever so slightly. The same sunlight that had lulled me awake was now pulling her out of her dreamland. The one eyelid that I could see twitched and she cracked her eyes open. But I only glimpsed a flash of green for she quickly shut her eyes again, blinded by the light. What idiots we had been, we should have shut the venetian blinds the night before. But we'd had other things on our minds, mind you...

She moaned and turned her face away, hiding it entirely behind her hair. I moved closer to her, lying on my side so that I could shield her from the sunlight with my body. Once I was sure her face was in the shadow, I brought my hand up and brushed her hair behind her ear, then moved each strand away from her neck so I could leaned down and kiss that sensitive spot just under her ear.

She squirmed and made the most adorable noise in response, something between a squeal and a moan, and then she turned around to lie on her back, finally freeing my left arm.

I inhaled sharply and winced again as the pins and needles came back with a vengeance. But I was quickly distracted by the way she put her arms over her head and arched her back like a graceful feline to wake her dormant limbs and shake off the heavy veil of sleep. The smooth, bare canvas of her flesh stretched out before me and I couldn't tore my eyes away from her while I closed and opened my left fist in turn, trying to pump blood back into my fingers.

Once the burning feeling was no more than a faint prickly sensation, I folded my arm and rested my head on my hand so that I could look at her from above. One of her hands was resting near her forehead and she lay totally relaxed, like a nymph in some renaissance painting.

My gaze had been trailing down her body again and when I looked up at her face her eyes were open.

"Hey you," she softly murmured.

A smile slipped on to my face. "You stole my line."

My hand was on her again, this time stroking her belly, my fingers dancing across her stomach, circling her navel, and I felt her abs flex beneath her skin.

She smiled and hummed, closing her eyes and shifting again as if she wanted to stretch one more time. She ran a hand in her hair and, swiveling her head to the side, she glanced at the ice bucket next to her. Her smile widened after a second and she turned mischievous eyes on me.

"Feeling sore?" I asked her innocently, picturing the furniture-shaking, knee-trembling sex sessions from the past few days in my head.

"A bit," she admitted. "You?"

"A bit," I echoed, smiling.

"Perhaps we should give it a break then," she suggested, looking at me with big, angelic eyes.

I snorted. "Not in this life!" I exclaimed.

And with this promise I crawled on top of her, twisting the sheet, covering her body with mine while she wriggled and giggled, until I was nestled between her arms and legs with my lips glued to her neck. My God, she smelt good. I sucked an earlobe into my mouth as I breathed in deeply. Her scent was stronger than usual and mixed with this other ellusive fragrance, this very feminine smell that always clung to her after we'd made love.

"MMmmmh," she sighed, tilting her head back as I left a trail of kisses down the side of her neck. The sound of longing in her voice was the spark that lighted my blood and made something almost primal stir in my abdomen.

Both her hands were in my hair while my mouth traveled southward, down into the valley between her full, soft breasts. I'd started rolling my hips slowly, grinding into her, and I suddenly wished I wasn't wearing any boxer. Although it could be very easy to get rid of it...

"Matt?"

"Yes?" I breathed against her skin.

"I'm-"

Before she could finish her sentence I closed my lips around her left nipple and she gasped, cut short. The areola stiffened in response as I bathed it with my tongue. I sneaked a look up at her face and saw that she'd closed her eyes and was biting her lower lip. I grinned internally and let my eyes drift shut as well.

"I'm hungry," she finally managed to say, her voice a bit higher than before.

I smiled, nuzzling the patch of skin between her breasts again. "So am I," I purred.

I intended to offer her right breast the same courtesy than I'd shown to the other, but her hands fisted in my hair and she tugged sharply, forcing me to look up at her.

"Ouch," I said, not daring to move.

"I mean I'm hungry for _food_, Matt."

I closed my eyes and let out a disappointed sigh, she released my hair and I rested my forehead against her chest. "Right," I mumbled. "Food."

"Seriously, Matt," she resumed, her chest vibrating against my head while she talked, "we haven't had a proper meal since... I can't even remember. Aren't you hungry?"

I sighed once more, a bit disheartened. "Well-"

My stomach chose this instant to manifest itself, producing a loud growl.

She chuckled. "I guess that answers my question," she said softly, sliding her fingers in my hair again.

I couldn't help smiling, in spite of the ruined flirty mood. "Okay, maybe I'm hungry. But, problem is, we're out of...everything. So unless you want to feast on strawberry yogurt and dry bread..."

"...We have to go to the grocery store," she completed.

I grimaced, slaping myself inside. Why the hell had I started this sentence...

"Oh, come _on_," I whined, "you can't expect me to wait _after_ the grocery store... It may take us a whole hour! And besides, we almost ran into your mother the last time we went there."

You have to know that we'd warned no one we were here. We hadn't told Rose, and we hadn't told Jade's parents. Jade had left Alex a voicemail message, telling him she was leaving London with me for a few days, but she hadn't given away the destination. Nobody knew, except Chris, who I'd told (it was the least I could do, since I'd already started depriving his wine cellar of its best bottles...).

Charlenne and Dom had probably found out. The two of them had respectively harrassed Jade and me, until exactly four days earlier, when all nagging calls and messages had suddenly completely ceased. I was hoping they hadn't tortured Chris too harshly...

And so the last time we'd gone shopping for food, out of bad luck, we had barely avoided being noticed by Jade's mother.

"We don't have to go to the same supermarket than last time," Jade pointed out.

"Ah, no!" I protested, "it's the closest one!"

My vehemence prompted a smile on Jade's beautiful face and the fingers in my hair began rubbing my scalp gently. "We'll have to dress up a bit then. Hoods and sunglasses, it should do the trick."

Yes, it would surely work. But the perspective of going out right now...

I pouted. "Are you certain you don't want to hang out here?" I dipped down to press kisses to her neck and shoulder, trying to be persuasive as I allusively pushed my pelvis against hers.

I almost heard her smile. "I'll tell you what," she said, "I think we need a good shower before going anywhere, I personally feel a bit...dirty."

I pulled away from her neck and raised an eyebrow at her. "Dirty?" I repeated, smirking.

Just like I'd been picturing it, she was smiling a small, deliberate, seductive smile. "Mmmhmm," she hummed affirmatively. Her left hand stayed in my hair, massaging slowly- but oh so expertly- while the right one glided down to stroke my cheek. "We can take a shower together now, then go to the grocery store just after. And it can be a very productive shower if you want."

I'd started grinning like a loon since the word 'productive'. I hooked a hand behind her left knee and pulled her leg around my hips.

"You've got yourself a deal."

* * *

A/N: Now I'm not sure the epilogue will be a two or a three parts... It won't be more than three though, this I'm sure. Till next time! xoxox

title: 'She's Got You High' - Mumm-Ra + 'Heaven' - Depeche Mode

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	70. If it's not rough it isn't fun

So, this is the penultimate chapter. Just a last, long, fun chapter before the end of the story.

M rating warning for this chapter !

Oh and you might need a few notions of Holdem Poker rules to really understand everything...but I think you'll also manage without it.

This chapter is inspired by 'Poker Face' by Lady Gaga and 'Fight For All The Wrong Reasons' by Nickelback.

Reviews will be very appreciated :) And speaking of reviews, thx beaulevity for yours!

* * *

**EPILOGUE: YOU CAN'T DENY YOU WANT A HAPPY ENDING (2/3) Baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun**

_Same day, late afternoon, on the beach, just behind Chris' house._

*JADE'S P.O.V*

"So remind me," I said while Matt dealt the cards once more, "how's the fourth community card dealt called again?"

"The turn. Or the fourth street, it's the same."

"Right," I muttered absently.

I took a sip of the lemonade I'd made earlier with Matt and enjoyed the taste of the fresh beverage, both tangy and sweet. Then I rested my glass on the sand again, screwing it an inch down into the grains until I was sure it was stable. The sea stretched wide off to my left, beautifully reflecting the sunlight while the burning celestial orb was slowly closing the distance with the horizon line. The waves were soothing, and the air brisk and moist with the fine particles of sea spray. It was a perfect decor for a calm and relaxing afternoon card game. If one could consider poker as calm and relaxing.

The way his deft fingers skillfully manipulated the cards was fascinating to watch. His hands were quick, precise, and steady. Oh what these hands could do...

"And remember," Matt went on, forcing my wandering mind to focus, "Don't allow yourself to get sucked in too far with a weak hand. Even if it's your second or third weak hand in a row- it's just bad luck and it can happen- it's not a reason to think 'well fuck it, I wanna play anyway'. You'll just end up losing and discouraged."

His seriousness brought a smile to my face. "Yes, sir," I answered, with a rather amused tone in my voice.

He tried to retain a resolutely earnest and businesslike face, but his mouth nonethelesss twitched into a tiny smile. "I mean it. After fourth street, don't stay in the pot hoping for a straight or a flush. Unless you can do so on a check of course."

"I get it," I guaranteed to him, casting him a teasing look. I picked up the two cards he'd placed in front of me but didn't look at them straight away, and I lay on my side, propping myself up on my elbow. I shifted on the beach mat I was lying on until I felt comfortable.

"Something else. _Don't_ let yourself be distracted. A successful poker player is one that never loses touch with the game at hand. By keeping your eyes on your opponents- or in this case, opponent- you can pick up a lot of crucial information and..."

I stopped listening then. Because he still had the rest of the cards in his hands- that is, the whole deck minus four cards, his two-card hand and mine- and while he spoke, he very effortlessly made the cards _fly_ from his left hand to his right. It was only a very fluid blur of white, red, and black, accompanied by a quick and smooth flapping noise. But it impressed the hell out of me.

"Hey!" I exclaimed as I pointed at the cards in his right hand. "That's so cool! How did you do it? !"

His lips pressed together in a thin reprimanding line. "See? Now, that's exactly what I'm talking about, distraction!"

"Yeah, I know, sorry," I mechanically apologized. "Can you do it again?"

"It's called a spring. And no, I won't do it again. I only did it to prove my point. Now let's focuse on the game."

"Oh please, Matt! Just one more time!"

"Jade," he whined, losing his all-serious façade. "If you don't want to play, you should just say it..." he grumbled.

He dropped the cards neatly on the strip of coarse sand that separated his beach mat from mine, and I straightened up immediately.

"Oh no, no, no, I do want to play," I assured him.

I reached out and cupped his cheeks in my hands while still holding my two cards, just to ensure that he wouldn't stand up or anything. Yet having him here, close to me with his face in my palms, I couldn't help but plant a kiss on his lips. It lasted no more than a couple of seconds but it was soft and tender, and when I drew back a bit his pout had all but disappeared.

"I do want to play," I repeated, smiling. "Promise, I'll focus."

He was looking down, avoiding my gaze as if to say 'I'm still cheesed off', but a smile was daring to break out on his face. "Okay."

I pulled away, but as I did he snatched my cards from my fingers, leaving me baffled. He picked up the pile of cards from the sand and peered at me sideways as he turned the two cards around to show me that I'd been holding the Eight of Clubs and the Five of Diamonds.

"I saw your cards," he explained. "Pretty sloppy," he added under his breath. He slipped the cards under the deck, discarded the top one, then gave me two new ones, which he put facedown in front of me. "You should thank me, it was a very crappy hand."

"Thank you," I humoured him smoothly, leaning back to lie on my side again. I peeked at my cards. Jack of Spades and Seven of Hearts. It was a little bit better.

My eyes flicked up to his. He'd alreadly inspected his own cards, and his face was absolutely unreadable. I lowered my gaze, but then looked up at him through downcast lashes and smiled coquettishly at him.

"Admit it, you think it's cute when I'm sloppy," I said soflty, flirtatiously.

His impassive gaze softened, and he answered with a small, cute smile of his own. With a tiny movement of his head he indicated my chips. "Come on, you're the big blind, annouce your bet."

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

The pools of pure azure in his eyes were destabilizingly serene while we stared at each other in silence, trying to read the other's face, trying to unveil the other's secret thoughts.

The Nine of Clubs, the Four of Spades, the Jack of Hearts. Those were the three cards of the flop, face-up on the sand.

I had the Queen of Diamonds and the Nine of Spades in my hand. Which meant that I only had a pair of nines. It wasn't much, but I'd learned that it could be enough. Now, if only a Ten and a King, or a Ten and an Eight could be dealt next, things could get very interesting for me...

Matt dragged a long breath into his lungs. He looked down at his small pyramid of chips and his long fingers fiddled with the small discs as if he was undergoing a pretty big dilemma. But I knew that he was likely doing all that just to dupe me.

My gaze was inevitably attracted down to his hand as well, but when I caught hold of myself and quickly looked up again, his eyes were scrutinizing my face.

He smiled, then tossed four red chips next to the three cards. It wasn't too aggressive an approach, but he was standing his ground, as always. I smiled as well, and immediately called his bet. I was hoping that my apparent confidence would scare him off a little. He was probably too good and experienced for that, but... Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Not surprisingly, he stayed rock solidly stoic, accepting my hasty bet without batting an eyelid. It had been worth the shot.

At first we'd been chatting quite a bit while playing, and so the game had been slightly topsy-turvy but still really fun. Yet for the past couple of hands we'd both become very quiet and more competitive, as if we'd simultaneously gotten sucked into the game.

All that could be heard aside from the flipping of the chips and the shuffling of the cards was the gentle carress of the water, lightly touching the thick sand and pebbles which were coating the shore before the waves rushed back out to sea.

Matt dealt the next card. The Nine of Heart.

My pulse instantly quickened. I had now three nines.

I took a deep breath in order to steady my riotous heart rate, but tried to be inconspicuous about it. The mere fact that this new card had provoked a change in my breathing could tip him off.

I knew I should have looked up at him, to try and glimpse _his_ reaction to the Nine of Heart. However, I was fairly certain that if I tried to glance into his eyes right now, my skin would colour up, and the exchange would be more informative to him than to me. Dammit, why was this so hard? I'd been expertly hiding my feelings for him for months, and now I was getting all flustered because of three bloody nines?

I had to do something and quick, something to throw him off. Something unexpected...

I'd been sitting cross-legged opposite him, and I decided it was time to change position. I flicked my hair back over my shoulder like a Hollywood starlet, and then casually lay down on my side just like I had in the beginning of the game. I stretched lasily and felt his eyes follow my every move.

I was wearing a sleeveless midnight blue shirt-dress, the lightweight cotton was very thin and pleasant to the touch, not clinging to my skin but fluid enough to fit nicely into the curves of my body. I had angled my head so that he could have a clear view of my neck, a part of me that he'd confessed he liked a lot. My gaze glided up towards his and I batted my eyelashes at him, putting on my best innocent look.

Despite my attempts to distract him with my feminine wiles, he was still oozing confidence and annoying carelessness.

"You know," I started, breaking the silence, "I think it's getting a bit boring... Playing only with poker chips."

A flicker of surprise crossed his face, the first sign of emotion he showed since we'd begun playing this hand. "Do you want to play cash?" he asked, dubious.

I skimmed my fingers along the hem of my dress on the side of my thigh. "Not really..." I let my words hang in the air, making my voice as sultry-sounding as possible.

His eyes puckered with amusement- he was visibly not fooled by my deceiving flirting mood- and he lifted his fingers to his lips pensively. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well... We could wager other things," I suggested. "Like if I win the hand, you'll have to give me something of my choosing, and vice versa."

Matt rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully while he gave my proposal some consideration. "That would be a big twist of the rules, since we would be asking something instead of offering. It can be done though, as long as we manage to find reasonably equivalent bets. I suppose you already have something in mind?"

"Maybe," I simpered.

He smiled indulgently. "C'mon, stop dancing around it. What is it you want?"

I took a moment before answering. Firstly because I wanted to think it over and choose wisely, and secondly because it was making things all the more theatrical and so, theoretically, more disorienting for him.

I eventually made up my mind. "The Taylor."

His brows rose incredulously. "My guitar?"

"Uh-huh."

"You want my acoustic guitar?" he repeated doubtfully, as if there was some kind of misunderstanding between us.

I nodded.

He made a slight dubitative movement with his lips but swallowed whatever remark he'd had on the tip of his tongue before it could blurt out of his mouth.

"So?" I prompted him, "Are you still in?"

He darted a glance at the pot and so at the chips that he'd already given up, then his eyes locked on mine again. "Of course I'm still in," he declared, like it was self-evident. He shifted as well, changing from a sitting to a lying position, mirroring my attitude. A small smirk was firmly in place on his lips while he thought. "Mmmmh," he pondered out loud, "if I win... I want..." His eyes narrowed and he puckered his lips. "I waaaant..." he trailed off, hesitant.

I slightly raised my eyebrows at him, patiently waiting for his decision.

"I want...to...entirely refashion your underwear wardrobe."

I was so stumped that it took me a moment to recover my ability to speak. "Wha-what? B-but, why? What's wrong with it? !" I stuttered as my face started scalding with embarrassment. What he was saying was incredibly vexing! I'd always chosen my lingerie with great care and I'd been persuaded he liked it...

I straightened up, upset, and he tried to calm me down. "Hey, relax," he said softly, waving his hand about in the air. "There's nothing wrong with it. What's bothering me is that I'm not the one you bought them for, if you see what I mean..."

"No, I don't. I don't see what you mean." I shook my head, cheeks burning hot.

He moistened his lips and tried to explain himself a little bit better. "When you went into the store and tried on these sexy, lacy bras and panties and asked yourself whether or not a guy might like them... Well it wasn't _me_ you had in mind."

I finally grasped what he meant, but it didn't make things alright for all that. "I didn't buy these for anyone else but _myself_," I affirmed, looking daggers at him. "Only machos think like that. If I like a set of lingerie, if it looks good on me, than I buy it. End of story."

He scoffed under his breath. "That's sweet, but we both know it's not true-"

"Yes, it is!" I interrupted vehemently. "And if you think that I'm going to let you throw away all my underwears which _I_ like," I pointed a finger at my chest, emphasizing the 'I', "then you're barking up the wrong tree, my dear!"

He sat up straight as well. "Easy tiger..."

"Don't easy-tiger me! I don't care if you win, I won't let you get your hands on it."

He shot me a cocky smirk. "Really? I thought you liked my hands on your underwears." Blood boiling, I opened my mouth to protest some more, but he was faster to speak. "Okay, ease off, I don't want to fight with you. I see what you mean, okay?"

I closed my mouth and huffed. "Good," I snapped, having a hard time swallowing down my temper.

"I've got a good compromise, hear me out. You can keep what you have, just let me offer you new ones."

My brows drew together in confusion. "Wait... It means that if you w_in_... You'll buy _me_ something?"

He inhaled to answer but then his eyes flicked to the side as he thought it over for a second. "Well... Yeah," he said slowly. Apparently it sounded weird to his ears as well.

"Where's the logic in that?" I quipped.

He lay down on his side again, rubbing his nose as if to hide his own puzzlement. "It doesn't need to be logical. It's what I want that's all. And having you walking around the house wearing some Victoria's Secret or Aubade lace-trim tanga panties... That sounds like a win to me."

"If you say so," I muttered unconvincely.

"Anyways, it's my bet," he said, impatience creeping into his voice. "So are we done? Can we move on to the river?"

I sighed, and tried to focus my thoughts on the game again. "Okay. Let's do this."

I lifted my glass to my lips again, quaffing a couple of gulps, since my little upsurge of tension had left me dry-mouthed. Having now my permission, Matt reached out his hand, 'burned' the top card of the pile, and placed the following one- and last card of the board- face up on the sand.

The Queen of Heart.

I shakily put my glass down and my mind stayed numb for a few thudding heartbeats as my eyes took in the five cards in front of me with one long, slow glance, and I thought about the best combination I could do with my two individual cards.

Three nines, two queens. Holy crap. I had a Full House.

It was a good thing I'd already swallowed down the lemonade, otherwise I would have been choking on it right then.

There was no way he could beat that. I felt a soaring pride shoot through my veins like a tidal wave. And even though I tried to keep it under wraps, my temples throbbed from the endorphin boost. God, now I knew why he loved poker so much.

'_I'm winning, I'm winning!_'

Once my ego was done fooling around with its victory cancan in my head, I braced myself and faced Matt again. He was smiling. _Really_ smiling. It wasn't just his usual poker face's smile. He seemed to be genuinely happy. And his obvious glee dragged mine to the surface.

"So..." I trailed off, beaming.

"So," he repeated just as happily.

"Do you fold?" I asked him, my voice dropping to a seductive timber.

He chuckled. "And why would I do that? Do _you_ fold?"

"Of course not!"

He sat up and crossed his legs into an approximation of the lotus position. "Here come the final bets then."

I pulled my legs up and clasped my arms around my knees, trying to hide my ear-to-ear smile. "It's your turn to go first."

"I know. And I already have something in mind."

I tilted my head sideways, suddenly interested. "Oh really?"

"Mmmhmmm. If I win..." I could almost hear the imaginary drum roll while I waited for him to finish his sentence with bated breath. "I want you to quit smoking. Definitely."

The air froze in my lungs and my eyes practically popped out of their sockets. "Are you serious?" I said quietly after a moment.

"Yep," he replied, perky.

I released the breath I'd been holding in a quiet hiss through my teeth and my eyes narrowed to seething slits.

'_So that's how it's gonna be? Alright, two can play that game my friend._'

"Okay," I breathed.

He wasn't an idiot. But right in that moment, he was really grinning like one.

I straightened my shoulders and lifted my chin defiantly. "And if _I_ win... You'll tell me which are the songs that you wrote for me."

His grin suddenly waned and his gaze hardened. "That would be considered a raise," he argued.

"No, it's a call," I retorted just as darkly.

"You're hitting below the belt!" he exclaimed. "You know I don't want to talk about this."

"You know I'm not ready to quit smoking!"

His nostrils flared but he had nothing to answer so he kept silent and looked away. Then he sneaked a glance down at the five board cards and unwound a bit. "I guess it all depends on cheer luck then. Since it's hard to say who paid to see first, I suggest that we reveal our cards at the same time, together."

I picked up my cards, which I'd tucked under the edge of my beach mat. "Ready when you are."

His own cards were in his hand as well. "Okay. One... Two... Three."

We pinned down our cards face up on the sand simultaneously. He had an eight and a ten.

I panicked for a fleeting second, because his best combination was a Straight: eight, nine, ten, jack and queen. But then I remembered that the Full House was ranked higher than the Straight.

I let out a big sigh of relief and giggled. "I have a Full!" I warbled happily.

He nodded, smiling. "I can see that."

"Well, it beats your Straight," I said, shooting him a 'duh' look. I had expected him to look more defeated than that...

"Oh," he said. He scratched his head as if he was slightly embarrassed, but the smile didn't leave his face yet. "Yeah... I guess your Full would have beaten my Straight... If it wasn't a Straight Flush of course."

His words percolated through my brain and my lips first stiffened, then lost their smirk altogether. My eyes quickly found his cards again.

It wasn't just any eight and ten. It was the Eight of Hearts, and the Ten of Hearts. Eight, Nine, Ten, Jack, Queen...of Hearts. Straight _Flush_. Higher than the Full House.

I gawked at him, my mouth having nothing to utter at first but a dumbstruck whoosh of air. "B-b-b-but- no- it's- no- you don't- no-" I was utterly incoherent, words failing me completely.

Matt chuckled, and I knew that he was holding back. He wanted to burst out laughing. "I know! I'm amazed as well!" he claimed, sounding stunned. "I mean, a Straight Flush _and_ a Full House? In the same hand? Fuck, what are the odds? It's-"

"It's impossible!" I squealed, my face flaming hot with so many emotions. Anger, disbelief, humiliation... The higher the hope, the harder the fall. And I'd been _so_ convinced I would win! "You cheated!" I accused him.

"No!' he defended himself, holding his hands in the air. "I swear, I didn't! I couldn't have cheated anyway, even if I'd wanted to. It was pure luck!"

But I wasn't listening. I grabbed a handful of cards and threw them at him. Most of them were blown away by the sea breeze. "You're such an arse! You led me to believe I was going to win, that's why I went this far!"

He'd leaned backwards a bit, apparently scared by my reaction, and he tried to look sheepish. Yet the amused gleam in his eyes was still bright. "Baby, that's the whole point of poker."

My hands bunched into frustrated claws. "Uuugh!" I shrieked, feeling like I was about to break something.

I sprang to my feet and stomped towards the house.

"Aw, don't take it to heart," he said behind me. From the way his voice sounded I guessed that he'd stood up too, and that he was following me. "Where are you going?"

I'd reached the edge of the house's terrace and I hopped onto the wooden boards, each of my steps now sounding hollow and heavy. "To have a smoke!" I spat out acidly.

"Oh no, you're not."

I felt a tug at my dress in my back and then I was being pulled backwards. Next thing I knew he'd twirled me around and was pressing me to him in an unbreakable grip.

I wiggled a bit in his arms, lightly pushing my forearms against his chest. "Let go," I ordered bad temperly.

But it seemed to have the opposite effect and he tightened his arms around me. "You lost. I'm not gonna let you touch another cigarette ever again," he stated determinedly. But then an inviting smile curved his lips. "Come on now, it's not so bad, kiss me and you won't need a smoke anymore..." His lips tried to seek out mine but I turned my head to the side, not in the mood for kisses. "Seriously, why are you acting like that?" he complained. "I'm the one who won and yet I just want to buy you presents and save your little rosy lungs from an awful cancer!"

I was still trying to wrest his hands off my waist. "Save your lessons for someone else," I grumbled. I was twisting and wriggling like an eel and his resistance made me lose my cool. "Dammit Matt, let go of me!"

And I was taken aback when he _did_ let go of me.

Without warning he opened his arms widely and took a step back. "Alright, if you insist on being like that," he grouched, exasperated. "Just do what you want." With that he turned around a headed towards our beach mats again.

The way he threw in the towel so quickly hurt my pride. My temper unexpectedly boiled over as a mix of unclear and ambivalent emotions spiked through me. Before I knew what I was doing I scurried after him, furious.

"Don't turn your back on me!"

My left hand reached for his right shoulder and I grabbed him by his T-shirt. I spun him around and for a split second I saw the apprehension and anticipation in his eyes, as if he was bracing himself for the impact of a slap. And so he stayed rather stiff with perplexity when I folded my hands around his face and smashed my lips onto his.

I hadn't really planned it. I hadn't even been sure of what I wanted until my mouth was pressed against his. And it was then that I realised I wasn't angry because I'd lost the game. I wasn't angry at all. I was just scared. Scared and heavy-hearted because in two days we would travel back to London, and then he would leave and go on tour. Our little fairytale escapade was coming to an end.

I became aware of the fact that these painful thoughts had been etched in the back of my mind, hidden, for the last couple of days, and they had gotten stronger and stronger, explaining why my nerves were completely frayed at this point and why I'd been acting so touchy.

_Don't go_, I wanted to say, _Don't go on tour._ But I knew I couldn't.

My throat tightened and I delved my tongue into his mouth, needing him to react, needing his arms around me and the sweet taste of his fervour on my lips. And thankfully, once he was over his initial surprise, his tongue sought out mine and he kissed me back hotly, pulling me firmly into him.

Our embrace was so sudden, unforeseen, and total, we were all hands and caresses and lips and tongues and want and hunger. My fingers curled around the back of his neck, his hands were threading themselves into my hair, and desire suddenly simmered in the air, heady and potent.

Each touch of his tongue sent waves of heat rolling in my stomach and they spread through me, burning like sips of spiced whiskey. The cards, the game, the bets, they all seemed so far away now, like the ancient and blurry reminiscences of a previous life. Now the only things that mattered were the way his fingers stroked my face and the warmth of arousal that was growing in my core.

His hands were everywhere, stroking, caressing, fondling, deliciously explorative until they moved down to my backside before running up my sides again so that the fine fabric of my dress rode up my thighs a bit.

He walked me a few steps backwards, pushing me towards the house, but we were fastened to one another and clumsy so he eventually wrapped an arm behind my knees and he lifted me off the ground, sending my flipflops flying in the air. I gripped his shoulders and clung to him while he hastily crossed the threshold of the living room and laid me down on the largest couch. He trapped me beneath him, one leg between mine, while we kissed feverishly as if we were mutually addicted to the other's taste.

His fingers hooked under the hem of my dress' V neckline and he pulled it aside to press his soft wet lips against my neck, where it connected with my shoulder and collarbone. A shiver of desire ran from where he kissed me straight to my womb and I pushed my knee up between his legs, brushing a very sensitive spot. He exhaled against my skin and the tip of his tongue glided up my neck, making my eyes roll back behind my closed eyelids.

By now we'd worked each other up pretty well and we were both burning with anticipation, utterly wrapped in passion's heavy mist. Fingers buried in his hair, I manoeuvered my legs under him in order to clasp his hips between my thighs, and his hot weight pressed me down into the couch cushions, making me feel both captured and protected.

I reached around him and fisted my hands into his T-shirt, low in his back, before tugging up towards his head to peel it off him. He lifted himself up on his hands and let me pull the garment over his head and toss it unceremoniously aside. He'd laid me down on the couch with my head pointing towards the terrace. So when he hovered over me his chest and face glowed gold in the light of the setting sun. My eyes wandered from his chest, up to his sun-kissed cheeks- it wasn't really a tan, but due to the last few days spent by the sea his skin wasn't as pale as usual- and then my gaze finally stopped on his wonderful blue eyes, where I was pleased to find a challenging look.

That's when he grabbed the two halves of my shirt-dress and tore open the press-studs. Heat sprang to my cheeks and my lips parted in a quiet gasp. I'd always liked this dress, but never as much as I did in this moment. Three tugs, and it was completely open for him. I wasn't wearing any bra and his eyes raked over my body with such raw intensity and hunger, I could almost feel the touch of his gaze.

"Please wear this dress every day," he said with a husky, inanely sexy voice.

Before I could answer he slid his hands that were holding his weight further up the couch so he was close to me again and his lips wrapped around mine. The wet sound of our kisses filled the silence of the sultry hot living room, sometimes punctuated by the rumble of the sea in the distance. Our hands explored the flesh we had only recently become acquainted with and warmth rolled off our bodies until it felt like we were melting together.

He started pushing his hips against mine suggestively and his pants rubbed against my panties. My breaths were now coming short and sharp and I was so turned on I could barely see straight. When I couldn't bear it any longer, my hands snaked between us and I popped open the button and pulled down the zipper of his pants, using my feet to push them down his hips. His hand brushed mine for a second, when he brought it between our crotches as well.

Then I felt a sharp tug and with a loud ripping noise my panties were gone, dumped on the floor.

Holy shit I couldn't believe he'd just done that. "MMMmmnnMnatt!" I protested against his lips for form's sake. Just to make him understand that he couldn't tear my clothes to shreds whenever he felt like it.

"I told you I'd get you new ones," he rasped, his breath fanning against my ear. And I suddenly wondered if tearing off my panties hadn't been in fact his main goal since the whole 'I want to buy you new underwears' speech. Perhaps he'd just fulfilled one of his longtime fantasies. It certainly felt like it, for his body was hard and flushed with arousal, his muscles tense with need.

"It's not a reason tooo-" I abruptly stopped mid-sentence and words turned into a lengthy moan when he suddenly plunged inside me with no warning. I hadn't even noticed he'd pulled down his boxer. My hips reflexively bucked into his once before my body became rigid.

Eyes shut, lips parted, nails imprinting little crescent moons into the skin of his shoulders, I panted in short breaths as he glided into me. It created a feeling of fullness, a gratifying pressure and warmth that spread throughout my pelvis and abdomen, radiating down to my feet and making my heart bang against my ribs. Oh God, that was exactly what I'd been needing, his rough possession, his claim on me. I took a moment to memorize the feel of him in me, for all the days- maybe even weeks- to come, when he would be so far away.

He let me relax into it, his soft mouth laying kisses on my face, neck, and shoulders while his hips stayed still. When I caught his lips with my own he gingerly began sliding himself in and out in long leisurely strokes at an agonizingly slow pace.

I brought my knees up to accomodate him, slinging my legs around his hips and locking my ankles over his buttocks to pull him closer. That way I was able to take him deeper, and he groaned in ecstasy, cuddling his face into the curve of my collarbone so that I could suddenly feel each of his laboured breath coming out on my skin.

I dragged my nails down his back until he shivered- I'd discovered that this was one of his weaknesses, just like neck-kissing was one of mine- then I moved my hips with his rhythmically as he rocked against me.

I was in heaven. I couldn't imagine anything in the entire universe feeling better than this. This intense, keen delectation of having him firmly nestled between my thighs, his skin burning against mine, his chest brushing my breasts, his sighs of pleasure filling my ear. I was actively participating, because even if he was on top I wanted to keep control, and my hips were coming off the couch to meet his thrusts while I stroked the smooth flesh of his back with my fingers. Our bodies seemed to have been made for each other, matching perfectly like fitting puzzle pieces.

Perhaps it was because he'd honed his skills with all the other girls he'd been with... Or perhaps it was because true love was the most powerful stimulant and aphrodisiac in the whole world. When it was the right person you were making love with, the slightest detail could undo you... Whatever it was that made us so good in bed, the exquisite friction we were creating between us had long swallowed up every moment of those months of unfulfilled wants and undisclosed desires. Oh what I'd been missing all this time...

I'd closed my eyes, heightening my sense of touch, and when he outlined the shape of my mouth with the tip of his fingers, when he ran his hand down the slope of my neck and cupped my breast, I threw my head back, breathing hard. My skin was so freaking hypersensitive thanks to the adrenalin, it felt like my nerves ending were on fire, hyper alert, waiting eagerly for his next move.

The way I'd angled my head granted him free access to my throat and he skimmed his lips over it. Each blissful thrust of his hips was sending surges of heat through my gut, his thumb swirled around my nipple with light, maddening strokes, and he licked, nibbled, and sucked at the tender flesh of my neck. The sensory overload was overwhelming, eliciting sounds I didn't even know I could make, and he 'Mmmmph'ed against my skin in response, sending delicious vibrations through my chest. He was taking me apart slowly, deliberately.

"God, Matt," I moaned, light-headed with pleasure.

When he detached his mouth from my neck, I turned my head and my parted lips touched the hollow of his temple, trailed along his cheek down to his jaw line until they found his mouth. His lips brushed mine ever so slightly, withdrew, gently rubbed against mine again, teasing, till I managed to snatch the lower one between mine and I tugged it into my mouth, probing it with my tongue. At the same time I placed my hands flat against the small of his back and arched up into him, pulling him forwards against me with my legs.

He tasted so incredible I sighed with satisfaction. Spicy, woody, bitter and sweet at the same time...

My actions wrung a rumbling groan from his chest. "Fuck," he breathed into my mouth. I wasn't used to swearing during sex, but the way he'd said it, as if he was really starting to lose control, it didn't sound like a curse. It just sounded sexy and erotic and it aroused me like nothing else, making my skin prickle.

He slid his splayed hands under me and my dress, which I was still wearing, was separating his palms from the skin of my back. And suddenly- while he was still fully embedded within me- he lifted me from the couch, pulling me upright and onto his lap so that I was sitting astride him.

I grunted, the sound harsh and involuntary, because he could go so deep this way and the muscles in my abdomen tightened in reaction as a couple of electric sparks flew inside me. He hissed out his pleasure and his hands stroked down my back and squeezed my waist, urging me to move. I gripped his shoulders, steadying myself, and I tried to stop my knees from trembling so that I could have the support I needed.

I rose, then sank back down, lowering myself onto him, enveloping him inside me, and then I did it again. And again. He fumbled with my dress, since the thin fabric stuck to my back's moist skin. He freed my shoulders and I unwrapped my arms from his neck to allow him to strip the cloth off me completely. A gust of cool air suddenly caressed my hot skin, and he tossed the dress over the couch's backrest.

I didn't stop my rocking movements and my body undulated beneath his palms while his hands roamed over the taut, sleek skin of my bare back. They slid down to my hips, glided up along my spine, moved to the front of my body, over my breasts, and finally reached the back of my neck which he grabbed. Then his tongue possessed my mouth, slipping between my lips to duel with mine, kissing me deeply.

Both my hands were in his hair, my fingers gripping the damp strands firmly, and my body bucked in pure rapture when he thrusted his hips off the couch and rotated them, unabashedly grinding them into mine. I pulled on his hair, drew away, and gazed down lustfuly into his eyes. The gleam of passion in his baby blues had turned his irises into a stormy ocean, his breath was coming in pants and I could see the strain on his face as he continuously pushed his hips up against mine.

Watching him unravel beneath me made the fire grow in my lower abdomen. The tightness, the tension... I wound my arms tightly around his neck, one hand grabbing a fistful of his hair again and I crunched my eyes closed. He buried his face against my chest, as we were now far two tense and focusing on the sensations to think about kissing.

Our limbs were so entangled it was hard to tell where he began and where I ended, we moved with ferocious need and reckless abandon, always harder, faster. My abs and the muscles in my thighs and legs were starting to burn from the effort. But Matt was liquid heat in my veins, and I didn't stop. My body clenched tighter and tighter, the two of us began to shake...

And suddenly white stars erupted behind my screwed-shut eyelids, I crushed him against me as all my muscles seized up, pulsing and contracting with exhilaration while a mind-blowing orgasm swept through my body.

It reverberated into him and he stilled with his fingers digging into my hips, a violent tremor rippling through him when he found his release merely fractions of seconds after me. He spasmed inside me and pleasure blinded and deafened me as I savoured his body's reaction just as much as mine. Reality turned into a dreamy haze, clouding my mind to the point that, for an instant, I couldn't remember where or when we were. Yet I did distantly note that we were both being loud about it.

After a moment of pure and utter bliss, my body felt deliciously drained and became limp and slightly quivering. My hand in his hair loosened its grip, simply because I didn't have the strength anymore. Heart frenetically bumping in my chest, hair gone wild, my head lolled back a bit as I panted, and I had to cling to his slippery shoulders to avoid collapsing backwards.

But he was just as spent as me, and as a result I took him with me and we both sunk back onto the couch cushions. He sagged on top of my chest- which was rising and falling with my heavy breaths- and he expelled a low moan.

"Jesus Christ..."

It was hard trying to focus my mind on a single thought, but I let out a breathy chuckle when I heard that. Cradling him with my legs still around his waist, I caressed his hair tenderly. "I hadn't realised getting off could make you feel so religious," I slurred, smirking a bit.

He sighed and swallowed, needing a few seconds to catch his breath. "Mind-boggling- totally unexpected wild sex with _you_ apparently does," he mumbled. "Besides you're one to talk, it wasn't me moaning 'Oh God, Oh my God, Oh God yes' just a minute ago."

I froze and my brow furrowed. Had..._I_ done that?

"Speaking of it, I'd like to point out to you that God had nothing to do with this. I did all the job. So he shouldn't get all the credit. Next time say 'Oh Matt, Oh my Matt, Oh Matt yes'."

A giggle rose to my lips in spite of the exhaustion, and I curled on myself to press a kiss into his hair. Then I closed my eyes and just held him close, sated. "I love you," I whispered.

"Love you more," he muttered, sounding like he was on the verge of sleep as we lay in the afterglow of our lovemaking.

* * *

title: 'She's Got You High' - Mumm-Ra + 'Poker Face' - Lady Gaga

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	71. You belong with me, FINALE

**EPILOGUE: YOU CAN'T DENY YOU WANT A HAPPY ENDING (3/3) That's where I belong, and you belong with me.**

Our cuddling was never as tender as after we'd just made love. We were both dozing, entwined with one another. My head was resting on his chest and the calm, even sinking-and-rising of his breathing body was lulling me into slumber.

His arm was around my shoulders, keeping me close to him, not that he needed to. Truly, I wasn't going anywhere. Why would I? His warm embrace felt like the safest, snuggest place in the world. It felt like home.

The sudden harsh ring of a phone splitted the peaceful silence of the room and startled me out of my dormancy. It was the landline telephone, which ringtone was loud and shrilly, and I groaned my displeasure against Matt's smooth skin. He stirred, but didn't stood up. Instead he held me tighter. The phone continued to ring and ring, I hated the sound of it and wanted to get up and hurl the damn thing into the sea, but at the same time I couldn't find the strength to scramble to my feet, nor the will to leave Matt's side.

Eventually, the ringing stopped, and it was replaced by Chris' recorded voice.

_Hey, you've reached Chris Wolstenholme's home, I'm unavailable at the moment. Please leave your name and number and I'll return your call as soon as possible. You can also contact me via email at wolstenholme dot christopher at gmail dot com. If this is regarding any Muse-like business, you can visit our website and contact our manager. Thank you for calling!_

Simple and efficient. So Chris.

_Beeeeeep!_

"_Matt?_"

Now it was Matt's turn to grunt. "F'fuck's sake," he grumbled under his breath, making me chuckle.

"_Matt?_" Dom's annoyed voice called again. "_Matt, I know you're there. Now if Jade and you aren't too busy shagging like rabbits, could you please answer the phone?_"

I raised both my eyebrows and let out a shocked giggle. I propped myself up on my elbow and cast a stunned look at the gorgeous singer lying next to me.

Right now his beautiful eyes were wide with stupefaction. "I'm gonna kill him," he said, shaking his head in amazement.

Dom shared a few words with someone who was out of the phone's hearing range. "_What?... No, I'm not!... The hell you do... Hey, get off-_"

The next few seconds were filled with the sound of Dom and Charlenne arguing, followed by half a minute of crackling and rustling noises. Matt and I exchanged a perplexed glance.

Dom apparently won the fight. We heard the slam of a door and he sighed loudly into the handset.

"_So, where was I?... Ah yes. You haven't answered yet, so I guess you _are_ too busy then. Well, nevermind. But seriously Matt, call me. Or call Chris, or Tom... I dunno, just call _someone_. 'Cause in case you've forgotten, we're leaving for Italy in four days. _Four_ days, Matt. So y'know, we've got a couple of things to go through before that... Tom is going out of his mind, and frankly so am I. We all understand that you and Jade needed some time for yourselves, but don't forget you have obligations. If going on tour has become an obligation for you..._"

The sadness in Dom's voice pushed down on my shoulders like a damp wool coat, heavy and unwanted, and I placed my cheek on Matt's chest again, snuggling deeper into his arms.

"_Anyways. Have fun. But call me._"

And then Dom hung up, his voice leaving a void in the air as it vanished. I breathed out a melancholic sigh, listened to Matt's heart resounding rhythmically against my ear, and an aching emptiness slowly settled in my belly. Matt's hand trailed up from my shoulder to weave through my messy hair in a gentle caress.

"Jade," he whispered after another minute of silence, his voice soft and careful as he spoke. "Can I ask you something?"

I tried to swallow my uneasiness. "Yes?"

"Why the Taylor?" he asked curiously, his fingers never stopping their stroking movement in my hair.

I huffed a chuckle, my throat relaxing with the momentary relief of avoiding the heartbreaking subject of his departure. "I don't know," I murmured dreamily, following the smooth length of his chest with the tips of my fingers. "I just..." I sighed again, trying to marshal my thoughts in order to form a proper answer. "It's this place, you know... This town... Coming back here with you, it's making so many memories surge up in my mind."

He shifted beneath me, withdrawing, and I bent my arm up, tucking my elbow under my head for support as he stretched out on his side next to me. "Such as?" he softly asked, his blue eyes inquiring as he brought his hand up to the side of my face.

"Mmm, well, the first time I came to this house for example," I breathed, enjoying the light touch of his skin against my cheek. "When I found you downstairs in the den... All alone..."

"Playing the Taylor," he finished for me, a trace of a smile hiding on his lips.

I returned his smile with one of my own, glad that he remembered. "Exactly."

"Mmmmmh," he hummed, sliding the back of his hand down my neck.

"I've heard once that instruments can absorb a part of their owner's soul," I kept going quietly. "And you've spent so many hours- days in fact- playing on that guitar, cradling it on your lap, strumming its strings... I just can't think of a better object that'll help me feel close to you when..."

'_When you're gone._'

I gulped. "When..."

I was unable to end my sentence, and his soothing hand stilled against my arm when he caught on to my line of thinking. He took in a deep breath and released it in a sigh. His arm curled around my waist and pulled me close, his thumb gently stroking my spine.

"I've been having flashbacks as well, y'know," he said, apparently determined to divert my attention from the matter. "Flashbacks of these first few days, when I was still getting to know you. It was a very..._interesting_ period. Disturbing almost."

I shot him a puzzled look. "Disturbing?"

"Yeah, sort of. It's just that I was experiencing feelings I'd never known before. Never this strongly or quickly at least... It's amazing how your world can be changed in one single burst of light. It was so unsettling, there were some times when my own thoughts felt peculiar to me," he admited with a chuckle.

"Really? Peculiar?" I wondered, grinning at the thought and at the fancy word.

"Yep," he nodded. "Like this time when... Bah! No, I shouldn't tell you."

My eyes widened. "What? Oh no, now that you've started you've got to go all the way. C'mon what were you going to say?"

He avoided my gaze, and licked his lips, smiling shyly. "Okay," he sighed. Given the rapidity with which he'd given up, I believed he had planned on telling me anyway, eventually. "Do you remember that party... That party at Charlenne and Lise's place, when you and I ended up gazing at the stars in her front garden?"

I was looking at him in wonder, and I nodded slowly. "I remember."

"Well... There was this moment when you asked me to make a wish and uh... Oh dear, this is embarrassing."

I smiled brightly at him and ran my hand up his side encouragingly, stroking his pale skin with my palm. "You can tell me, whatever it is, I swear I won't laugh."

"Uh, well, hum," he stammered, a delicate blush invading his cheeks, "I wished for you to...fall in love with me."

He'd said the last part in a rushed mumble, but I'd still understood. And my heart melted like ice cream. "Oh, Matt, baby," I cooed, emotion barely allowing me speak, "that's so sweet!"

He looked doubtful. "Oh, you think? I think it's rather creepy. I mean, I barely knew you at the time! I'd met you- what? Three? Four days before that? And why _love?_ I wasn't into love right then. I was into hot, short term, uncommitted banging. But not love. But even so, that's what I wished...surprisingly. And it eventually happened. That's why I can tell you now."

I was smiling from ear-to-ear, submerged in the warm flood of his confession. "Yes, it did happen," I murmured softly, lovingly.

"When?" he asked briskly.

I was confused. "When what?"

"When did you fall in love with me?"

"Hum, it's a bit hard to say..." I trailed off, slightly disconcerted by the question. "What's sure is that- well, I don't know if it's going to make you feel better or worse but, I felt _something_ for you from the moment I met you."

A small smile curled the brim of his mouth, and his fingers glided up towards my face again as he gazed at me with reverence, adoration etched into his features. "Really?"

I closed my eyes and nuzzled my face into his palm. "You took my breath away the first second I laid eyes on you, I mean _literally_ took my breath away."

"So _that's_ why you acted so weird that first time!"

My eyes snapped open. "I did?"

"Yeah," he quipped, nodding. "I'm not talking about the real first time, when I made a drunken arse of myself under your window... I mean when you showed up at Rose's door with your mother. You were hilariously zoned out. Honestly I remember thinking you were either high, or really dumb."

"What? !" I squeaked, my voice rising a few octaves. "Seriously?"

My mortified exclamation prompted him to laugh. "Yes... I hadn't envisaged I'd dazzled the wits out of you with my magnificence," he said, grinning like a loon. But my cheeks were burning, hot with embarrassment, and he tried to contain his smile. Yet he could not entirely keep the smallest of smirk from his lips. "But don't worry, I quickly realised just how brilliant you were. _And _you had your revenge just a few days after that."

"I did?" I repeated with a small voice, unable to face him as I was still fighting off the blush.

"Uh-huh," he uttered gently. His hand which had been holding my cheek trailed further around my head and his fingers ran through my hair tenderly, lightly brushing a few strands behind my ear. "At Charlenne's party as it happens. I saw you dance... You just looked so fucking amazing. And just like that-" he snapped his fingers in the air over my head, emphasizing his words, "I was hooked."

My lips finally tilted with a very slight but genuine smile. I leaned into him and buried my face into the crease of his neck. "I'm sorry you had to wait this long for me," I muttered.

"It's okay," he softly said, cradling me in his arms. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be at the time. If you had given in too quickly, it's probable I would've found a way to mess things up between us. And what a waste it would've been." He nose touched my hair, his lips leaving light butterfly kisses in their trail. "Perhaps things had to happen this way... But I don't care about the past now. All that matters is us."

His lips glided against the surface of my skin until they found mine. "Here. Now," he whispered, placing a kiss on my mouth after each word, his warm breath landing delicately onto my lips when he spoke.

I took his face in both of my hands and inhaled his kiss like a plume of smoke, our lips parted at the same time and our tongues met, touched, and danced together in slow, languorous circles.

We kissed and held each other close, blissfully indifferent to the waning light of the sunset that was slowly leaving the room, blissfully indifferent to the continuous foamy noise of the waves as they churned up the sea. But my stomach eventually reminded me that living on love alone wasn't nearly as sustaining as I would have liked it to be.

I pulled away from him slightly and flashed him a coy smile. He arched an eyebrow interrogatively in response.

"I'm hungry," I whispered.

"Again?" he laughed, "Wow, you're insatiable."

My smile widened. "What can I say," I murmured, trailing my index finger down the side of his face. "I'm always hungry after... Y'know."

"Mmmh," he sighed. "I can't blame you. I'm always sleepy after y'know." He copied my phrasing and his blue eyes twinkled. "Though you're making a good job of keeping me awake," he drawled appealingly against my mouth, catching my lower lips between his teeth, nipping gently, and I melted against his mouth.

"But," he resumed after another minute of tender kissing, "now that the fridge is full to bursting, I guess I don't have any excuse for not feeding you properly." I gently returned his loving smile and he pecked my lips one last time. "I'll rustle something up."

"'Kay," I answered quietly as he detangled himself from my arms. I watched him stood up and my eyes lingered on his shoulders before trailing over the smooth contours of his back down to the waistband of his trousers while he bent over to pick up his T-shirt from the floor.

As he eased the T-shirt up and over his head he tossed a knowing smirk over his shoulder, having felt my hungry gaze on him probably, then he sauntered towards the kitchen. Smiling to myself I stretched, swang my legs over the edge of the couch, and rose to my feet in all my nakedness. I gathered my own clothes, the remnant of my underwear to throw away in the nearest dustbin- what a waste, half of a Carine Gilson set...- and my opened shirt-dress to add to the dirty laundry pile of clothes in the utility room.

I made a detour into my room- by my room I mean the room Matt and I were occupying the most and where our luggages were- and slipped into another chiffon beach dress and pair of panties. This one dress had a high-low dip hem, and the fabric was a deep rich plum colour. As you can note, it wasn't because I knew Matt was already mine that I didn't make efforts to look good for him.

It felt like the room needed some airing out so I slid the bay window wide open and, drawn by the saltiness of the refreshing gust of air that poured into the room, I stepped out onto the wooden terrace. I cast a look off to my left, into the main room where Matt was busy bustling about in the kitchen, covering a tray with appetizers and filling glasses with a crispy looking white wine.

The sight brought a smile on my face but I was suddenly distracted by something that lightly hit my right ankle. It was one of the game cards. The wind had blown it against my leg. Actually, it had blown the whole deck all over the place.

"Crap," I mumbled under my breath before I crouched and picked up the card.

I collected all the cards I could find on the terrace and on the sand, and I hoped I hadn't missed any of them when I put them back into Matt's beloved deck box. I didn't know the whole story behind these cards. Something about an eventful night in Japan... All I knew was that he was very fond of it. I sighed, because there were still so many anecdotes I had yet to hear.

Leaving the deck on one of the beach mats, I soon found myself approaching the little pier near the house. I hadn't retrieved my flipflops and the soles of my feet left prints in the sand as I made my way barefoot towards the sea. The grit beneath my feet was getting finer and more moldable the more I got closer to the shore. Before I reached the pier, sea water started to percolate upwards to the surface of the sand with each step I took, and the icy bubbles licking the skin of my feet spurred me to pick up the pace so that I could find refuge on the dry wooden planks of the pier.

The smooth ripples and thin grooves in the old wood, eroded by years of sea spray and moody wind combined, felt much more pleasant to the touch than the cold sand. I strolled towards the far end of the pier, my heart embracing the lulling sound of the breaking waves which seemed to be calling me to the edge like some bewitching siren song.

I regretted not having brought my camera with me. Because truly, the sunsets around here had a way of damming the air in my lungs. I stood still, admiring the serene immutability of the sea that only had the warm-coloured sky for companion, relishing the vigorous energy I felt in each breath of air. The same briny wind that was lifting my dress and my hair, making them flap in the evening air, was pushing the pink clouds towards the horizon. And I watched these fluffy masses glide against the lilac background, thinking about what stood on the other side of the Channel.

Europe. Or the rest of it at least. Europe and all its wide dynamic capitals and student cities where Matt would soon fly to. Where he was bound to spend nights of endless and exciting partying, far away from me.

I couldn't contain the sinking sensation in my belly and misery seized me by the throat. I should have been happy for him. I _was_ happy for him. But the thought of being apart from him for so long was hard to bear. What if he fell out of love? What if some groupie got to him after a few drinks? Would he miss me as much as I was sure to miss him? Would he come home still as smitten as he'd left?

Air was having a hard time trying to reach my lungs and I had to sniff back tears. But the sound of Matt's approaching footsteps was suddenly audible behind me, and I had to compose myself quickly. I sat down on the edge of the pier, feet dangling above the water, and I took a few brain-clearing deep breaths, thanking the heavens for the cover of my flying hair.

"I don't understand, I was certain we'd bought green olives," Matt said. He sat next to me and metal clinked against glass as he put down the tray somewhere close to me. "At least we have cherry tomatoes- oh and you have to taste the chili dip, seriously it's a killer, so fucking good." I heard a crunching nose and he hummed in satisfaction, making me smile in spite of everything and even though I was still avoiding his gaze.

"Here," he uttered with his mouth still half full, handing me a glass of wine.

I reached my hand up towards the glass. "Thank you," I murmured.

But before I could touch it Matt pulled it away. "What's wrong?" he asked, suddenly worried.

'_Oh fuck, he can't know me that well already..._'

"Nothing," I convincingly answered. At least I thought I'd sounded convincing.

Again I tried to grab the glass but he drew away once more and this time he set it down, back on the tray. "Jade, what's wrong?" he insisted, firmly.

I sighed and turned away. "Nothing," I repeated. But this time I didn't sound so convincing, even to my own ears.

He grazed his hand up my bare arm until I could feel him stroking the nape of my neck. I shivered under his soft caress yet he wasn't as gentle when he seized my chin with his other hand and turned my face towards him, so that I fully met the depths of his eyes with my own.

Words suddenly tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I- I just don't want to go back to London."

He stayed silent for quite a long time, soaking me in with indecipherable blue eyes, studying my face as if it could help him read my thoughts. I stared back at him, unmoving, until he let go of my chin without warning and pulled away. Sitting pensively with his left elbow resting on his left knee, he gazed out to sea, and a heavy sigh escaped his lips.

"You don't want me to go on tour," he stated somberly.

I looked down, ashamed that he'd sussed me out. "That's not what I said," I muttered.

"But that's what you truly meant," he gently affirmed, and I felt the warmth of his eyes as they watched me carefully.

All of a sudden breathing became as hard as trying to drink mapple syrup through a tiny straw. "I'm sorry," I croaked, staring down into the purple water. "I know I don't have any right to even _think_ it." I cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the shaky huskiness in my voice. "Just don't mind me, it'll pass."

"Jade..."

"No, no," I didn't let him talk, I knew just how ridiculously childish I was behaving. "I know your band is the most important thing in your life, as it should be. You know I'll support you no matter what, I love you and I love your music, but I just need to get used to it... I'll get used to it, don't worry, I'll get used to it."

The words passing through my lips had the sourest taste ever and I was pratically sobbing now. "It's only for a few months," I kept going, "and I know you'll come home as often as possible... I just... I just..."

Matt suddenly pushed the tray away, making it scrape loudly against the wooden boards, and he stopped me with a kiss. He gathered my shuddering body into his arms and gently toppled us sideways until we were lying face to face against the hard wood of the pier. He rained kisses over my face, tangling his hands in my hair, whispering soft nonsense words to calm me as I gasped for air. He held me tightly into his loving, tender embrace, and gradually my trembling ceased.

"I won't leave you," he swore. Ηis face was so close to mine, his soft breath caressed my face.

I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes as if it could block out reality. "You have to," I whispered. I knew it was the right thing to say, even if it was splitting my heart apart.

"I won't."

The iron resolve in his voice took me aback and my eyelids fluttered open again. Even in the fading light I saw the determination flare in his eyes. It truly hurt to see how stubbornly he was clinging to such a useless hope.

"You don't have a choice," I said softly.

But he shook his head doggedly. "I do have a choice. Everyone always has a choice."

A fresh breeze wandered up from the rolling sea around us and, even wrapped in the warmness of his arms, I shivered sligthly. He was starting to scare me. He couldn't be _that_ foolish and impulsive... Could he?

I tried to sound resolute. "Matt, don't kid yourself. Dom's right, you have obligations. I mean, what are you gonna do?" I was working myself up into agitation, and my speech was getting faster and less assured with each word. "I can't let you do anything crazy. If I ever come between you and your music, Dom's going to _kill_ me! And I'm not even talking about the fans... I'll be their number one ennemy."

In my distress I wanted to straighten up, but his arms tightened around me, preventing me from doing so. "You're too brilliant an artist to waste your talent with me," I went on. "With _anybody_. Like I said, it's the most important thing in your life... If you give it up you'll eventually feel bitter, and bitterness is a slow killer of relat-"

He placed a single finger on my lips and I mumbled the rest of the word against it before falling silent. He moved his warm hand along the line of my jaw and down my neck, and I shuddered as his pleasant touch summoned a flock of butterflies to life in the deep hollows of my gut.

"Relax," he said tenderly. "I'm not planning on not going if that's what's bothering you. I'm not planning on cancelling any gig."

His reassuring words weren't enough to keep my heart from pounding widly in my chest, and adrenaline was still hot in my blood. "But," I muttered, a bit out of breath. "I don't understand..."

He cast me a 'let-me-finish' look. "You're both right and wrong. Wrong, when you say that music's the most important thing in my life. It used to be, but not anymore. Now _you_ are the most important thing."

I scoffed. I just couldn't help it. "Don't-"

"Exaggerate?" he finished for me. "I'm not. I'm dead serious, Jade." He was looking at me with such intensity, I believed him. "What we have you and I, I don't have it with any human being apart from you. I never did before I met you, and I never would again if I ever lost you. You're the half that makes me happy, that makes me complete... I've always known it wouldn't be easy. Just like anything in life that's worth the fight..."

Goose bumps rose on my arms. I was awe-struck and humbled by his devotion. He was trailing his knuckles down my cheek and I covered his hand with mine and interlocked my fingers with his. I brought his hand to my mouth and lay a delicate kiss on it, trying to answer his words of love with physical affection. It was the best I could do, since I had absolutely no clue about what to reply.

"But you're also right," he sighed. "I do have obligations. Even if I wanted to- which I don't and I know neither do you- I just can't let Dom and Chris down, to mention only them... But there's one thing I can do, and it's taking you with me."

I raised my gaze to his sharply. If I'd been standing, it was quite possible my knees would have buckled. "What?" I whispered, stunned.

He lifted the upper part of his body off the wood planks and leaned on his forearm. "Come with me," he said quietly, fervently, as he gazed down at me.

I stared up at him blankly, not sure whether or not I was truly understanding what he meant. I was starting to feel dizzy, and for a split second I thought the pier had detached from the shore, and we'd begun drifting.

"I can't," I heard myself say.

"Why not?" he exclaimed. "Give me just one good reason."

I was slowly shaking my head, speechless. My heart, which had been secretly hoping for such a thing to happen, begged me to accept this unexpected and tempting proposal. Unfortunately, it was my damn brain which had the floor.

"I can't," I repeated. "For so many reasons. I can't afford it, and even if I could, you've alreay booked all your flights and hotel rooms- which aren't cheap ones- and there's no guarantee there'll be any spares left for me." I sounded so strange, like I was just mechanically reciting something I'd learnt by heart. "Actually, we're right in the high season, so it's more than probable I won't be able to find any vacant room at all, even if we don't stay at the same hotels..."

"These aren't valid excuses," he interrupted me. "Money isn't a problem since I'm inviting you. Let me worry about the financial part. And the same goes for the rest. You'll sleep in my rooms, we've always booked double bedrooms. You'll travel with us in the tour bus. And believe my experience, there's _always_ a way to buy a last-minute airline ticket. What are you gonna do anyway, spend July and August alone in London, waiting for the start of your next semester?"

These were good points. But my lips parted again, ready to pour out words of denial that didn't even feel like my own.

Yet Matt was faster to speak. "Come on, Jade," he urged me, his voice inviting. "Don't be nervous about it, I'll be with you the whole time, I'll take care of everything."

I mulled it over for a minute. "What about the whole 'no girlfriend while on tour' rule?" I finally responded. "Kathy has never been allowed in the tour bus before, so why would I?"

"Because _I_ was the one behind that rule. And Dom supported me. Before it was two against one, Dom and me against Chris. Now it's gonna be Chris and me against Dom. We're a three piece, so democracy actually works pretty well. Besides, it's either you come, or I don't go. They can take both of us or none."

This time I couldn't find anything to argue about. I was still hesitating, God knew why, but I could also feel myself slowly giving in, even if I knew how dangerous it could be to embrace hopes like this.

"Please, Jade," Matt begged, a slight crack running through his soft voice as he dropped his gaze. "There're so many cities I want to show you. Tokyo, Sidney, New York, Moscow... And so many cities I want to discover with you by my side. You wouldn't believe how there are some places in the world which are able to take anyone's breath away... Places that leave you thinking 'there's more to life than I've been told'... I need you with me on that tour. I won't be myself if you're not there, I won't be able to concentrate..." His voice was so thick with emotion he eventually could speak no more.

"Okay."

'_Did I actually say that outloud?_'

His lips parted, he lifted hopeful eyes to my face, and I knew I _had_ spoken outloud. I inhaled a fitful breath, swallowed hard, and nervously nibbled my lower lip. But he'd already painted pictures in my head, and they wouldn't vanish easily. Pictures of us, wandering hand in hand in exotics countries... So many incredible places I was dreaming of photographing. The Tianzi Mountains in China, the Tunnel of Love in Ukraine, the Antelope Canyon in the US, the Lake Hillier in Australia, the Iguazu Falls...and countless more.

And to spend every day and night with Matt, a guest of honour invited to share his extraordinary life on the road, always at the best places during the gigs, always the one he would run to after their concerts... Running not in the groupies' arms but in _mine_, and mine only.

"Okay," I breathed once more. "I'll go with you, Matt. Anywhere, anytime, I'll go with you."

His face broke into a warm, sunny, irresistible smile, and he looked so incredibly happy one could have thought I'd just agreed to marry him. But that next step would come four years later actually.

We lost ourselves into each other's arms. His dewy kisses I drank as air were filling me with a sense of such wholeness and plenitude...

He was blowing the doors off my limitations, one by one, making me feel so free. Gravity didn't seem to have a hold on me anymore. I was linked to him, but otherwise the world felt infinite and ready to be explored. This connexion I had with him wasn't one that would hold me down in any way. On the contrary he would pull me fowards, prompting me to follow him, or willing to follow me.

Now in the warm spell of his arms I could feel nothing of the coldness of the sea breeze. He used his nose to brush my hair off of my shoulder, clearing a path for his soft lips and breath. I practically liquefied into his tongue when he started coating my neck with deep, prolonged kisses.

"I told you I would never let you go," he murmured next to my ear after a moment. His voice was low but it penetrated right into my heart. "And this promise is one that I intend to keep."

A smile crossed my lips and once more I answered without words, sliding my fingers into the silky strands of his hair, and pulling him against me, returning his affection with my heart thudding against his chest.

We embraced and hugged for a long time. Long enough that a canopy of stars began gleaming over our heads, high up in the dusky sky. And surrounded by the dark sea, a living representation of the great unknown I was ready to jump into with him, I basked in this feeling.

In this feeling of pure freedom.

_*~*~*~*~* The End *~*~*~*~*_

* * *

title: 'She's Got You High' - Mumm-Ra + 'Swallowed In The Sea' - ColdPlay

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

**FEEDBACK** ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"


	72. Acknowledgments

A/N: I can't believe this story is finally complete! Woaw, it took me more than two years and a half in the end. But I'm not entirely done with it, since I'm still planning on re-writting the first part and maybe even a few chapters of the second part. When I say rewrite I don't mean change them completely, but I really feel like there are some early chapters which need improvement (a lot of improvement sometimes).

Perhaps I'll even write a few extras, just a couple of chapters about Matt and Jade's future together... But I'm really not sure about that yet. All I know is that for now I need a bit of a break. Because even if you had to wait a long time between each chapter, I feel like I never truly stopped writing lol.

Anyways, I'm proud of myself for having reached the end. I tried not to scamp it, and I don't think I did, even if I know it's not perfect. And I would never have continued if I hadn't received the proper encouragements. So let me thank all of you one last time, for all the reviews and comments that helped me not to give it up.

.

.

**Thanks to:**

.Your Beauty's Not Just a Mask.  
.TheScienceOfMadness.  
.Destroyaar  
.Lily.  
.PwoperSeth.  
.gerxmany.  
.Cranberriez.  
.MatthewBellamyIsMyMuse.  
.Musefan2k3510.  
.Anon.  
.BornBellamist.  
.devonianmuser.  
.museismymuse.  
.The Zetas are coming.  
.Twilightluver99.  
.Madia.  
.Gabby.  
.Emma.  
.Aly.  
.Sophie.  
.Efflorescent-Vagabond.  
.MapofTime.  
.MyIndulgence1.  
.ardeeneethesardeenee.  
.fearandpanicintheair.  
.littlebird.  
.The pen name has been taken.  
.mxxm.  
.Inezzz.  
.CeilingMuser.  
.applegreeneye.  
.Caro Bellamy.  
.MattDomChris.  
.Izzy.  
.ankula.  
.YourDarkshines.  
.BurnOurHorizons.  
.BoneGuitar.  
.xxparamusexx.  
.TheOriginOfBliss.  
.PolkaDotMilly.  
.Molly.  
.justarticulate.  
.beaulevity.

And all the ones who chose to stay anonymous :)

**Special Thanks to:**

.Lily.  
.Cranberriez.

For all the PMs and for beta-reading some of the story's chapters

.Muse.

(lol)

'cause they're so amazing

.

.

Just one last little thing. If you're wondering where the title of the story itself came from, it's from an interview of Matt. A very early one (and it's actually called 'Muse Early Pre-Gig Interview' on youtube) where he says that when he's on stage he gets 'this feeling of pure freedom'.

**For more info about what I'm planning to do with fan fictions in the future, check my profile page from time to time :)**

xoxox


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